Roots

by Storm butt

Chapter Three: The Letter

“We should eat out,” Caramel mumbled when he felt his stomach begin to rumble.

“You always say that,” Sage rolled his eyes and took a sip from his coffee. “Honestly is my cooking that bad?”

The coffee shop was near empty, as it usually was around this time of evening. It was just after Sage’s shift ended, and he had eight hours before he had to go back to the hospital for third shift. He was still wearing his white coat and stethoscope. Caramel sighed, glancing out the window at the sight of the setting sun. In no more than thirty minutes it was going to be dark. This was one of the few days of the week where Sage was able to eat dinner with Caramel. Being a doctor sounded busy and time consuming to Caramel. He got tired just helping Mac for an hour or two on the farm, and he couldn’t understand just how Sage could manage to spend so many hours at the hospital.

This was their usual meeting spot, as it was the perfect distance from Sage’s hospital and Sweet Apple Acres where Caramel spent a good portion of his time.

“No,” Caramel shook his head. “Just… The cider at Ginger Snaps is really good.”

He said it shyly and sheepishly, and his embarrassment only grew when Sage rolled his eyes.

“The Apple family is a bad influence on you,” Sage muttered.

“Mmm,” Caramel replied with a shrug when he stirred the sugar slowly into his tea.

“I’ll take you out if you wash this morning’s dishes when we get home,” Sage raised his eyebrows.

“Not worth it,” Caramel mumbled. He wasn’t there that morning for breakfast. Sage never asked him to wash dishes unless he went all out in a complete disaster of a cooking mess. Sage chuckled.

“We could go out for lunch tomorrow,” Sage said. “I get off early morning.”

“Can’t,” Caramel shook his head. “Mac asked to meet up.”

Before Big Mac came into the picture they didn’t have to organize their lives like this given the fact that they lived together, but now with Caramel constantly spending the night at his boyfriend’s house and Sage’s insane hours the two brothers were lucky to find three evenings a night just to eat dinner together. Like everything that had changed with Mac, it was an adjustment that eventually just became how things worked.

“How rare for you two to spend time together. What is he, your boyfriend?” Sage chuckled.

Caramel tried not to blush, but Sage knew how to get under his skin. He looked around for any signs of ponies listening but the only other one besides the barista this late in the evening was an old mare in the corner reading a book who Caramel wouldn’t think twice if he was told she was hard of hearing. He sighed and looked down.

“Something up?” Sage asked. “Aren’t you usually blushing like a filly right now at the idea of your big strong stallion sweeping you off your feet the fabulous… discounted lunch rush?”

“I-I don’t blush like a filly,” Caramel said, wishing he hadn’t stuttered. He hated that Sage was still hung up on that subject like a “It’s just… He asked me to go with him to lunch tomorrow to… ‘talk’”

Caramel raised his hooves to make a quotation mark effect in the air before rolling his eyes.

“Well,” Sage said as he took a sip of his coffee. “This is you first serious relationship and all.”

“This is my only relationship and all,” Caramel muttered under his breath. He wished he didn’t sound so bitter, but he knew it was his nerves getting the best of him.

“Did he say about what this time at least?” Sage raised his brow.

“Not really,” Caramel said. “Just about us. I don’t think it’s bad, though, cause he said that about five times.”

“And you’re still panicking?” Sage looked like he wanted to laugh.

Caramel glanced away. He didn’t like to admit that Sage’s teasing had a grain of truth stored in it somewhere. He rolled the mug of tea back and forth in his hooves for a bit when he thought, staring back at his reflection and his hair which he had forgotten to brush this morning.

“Mac’s hard to read when he wants to be serious,” Caramel said with a slight sigh.

“You’re just noticing the stallion of little words is hard to read?” Sage questioned.

For a moment, Caramel considered kicking Sage under the table but decided against it. Teasing he could take. His mind was more occupied by other matters. Mac was physical above all else, and when it came to words Caramel was forced to read into just about anything to fully understand what Mac was trying to get across. He didn’t need to hear Big Mac say he loved him because he understood that clutching him closer or pausing work to lay with him for a short break was Mac’s own way of getting his feelings across. Talking for Big Macintosh meant that it was something serious. Not necessarily bad, but serious nonetheless.

“I think he thinks I’m upset,” Caramel said when he touched his hooves together. “I said some dumb things at the cemetery.”

“I thought you said that went well,” Sage cocked up a brow.

“It did,” Caramel shook his head slowly. “I’m glad he took me and all. But I started saying weird stuff about how I always wanted a big family like his and then earlier I got all weird when I remembered their family reunion was coming up and he’d be out of town for a while.”

“Cara,” Sage interrupted. “You’re rambling.”

Another reason for Caramel’s face to feel warm.

“Sorry,” Caramel mumbled. “I didn’t… mean to talk like you weren’t good enough family.”

“I get it,” Sage shrugged his own shoulders. “Mom wasn’t exactly a picture-perfect family kinda gal, y’know?”

Caramel’s ears flickered at the mention of their mother. This was immediately followed by a drop in his belly and a twist of his gut. Sage never talked about their mother unless it was to bad mouth her. Whenever he did so he caught himself falling into old habits of holding his breath for a few moments like he used to do, afraid she might have heard him and came to the room. When Caramel was little he could never decide if Sage was brave or stupid or a little of both for saying the things Caramel wished he was brave enough to say out loud.

“But hey, Mac loves you,” Sage said when he reached out his hoof over the table and pushed Caramel’s shoulder slightly. “I know you two have that weird psychic connection thing going on…”

“What are you talking about?” Caramel giggled, his anxiety already dwindling at the mention of Mac’s affection.

“Caramel,” Sage stated blatantly when staring directly into Caramel’s eyes. “You have laughed looking at him when he says nothing like he just told the most hilarious joke. I swear to god you two have a conversation without even talking. Aren’t we supposed to have that power? I mean we’re twins and all.”

“H-He was doing something weird with his lips!” Caramel said quickly in defense of himself.

“Yeah, it’s called smiling,” Sage replied. “Ponies who are not him do that a lot. What, did he transmit you dirty thoughts?”

“Shut up!” Caramel whined and covered his face when Sage started laughing.

“Hey, I don’t want to think of my brother having a psychic sexual chat in front of me with his boyfriend,” Sage said. “It’s bad enough I have to do the laundry.”

“Oh my gosh!” Caramel shouted when he covered his ears. “That was ONE time! Get over it!”

“It’s scarred into my brain,” Sage said when he lifted his hoof and tapped it against his temple. “You ever hear me waking up and screaming? I have NIGHTMARES! No! No! Get that sheet away it’s covered in my brothers c-”

“AHHHH!” Caramel yelled and clamped his hooves tighter over his ears.

Needless to say the two were asked to leave after Caramel’s little outburst. Sage couldn’t stop laughing on their way out but Caramel noticed he left an extra big tip on the table for the trouble. His face was red even when he stepped out into the chilled early spring air and felt it whip at his cheeks.

“Do we need to find a new coffee shop?” Caramel asked once he had finally settled down and the two were on their way home. It was dark, and the streetlights of Ponyville were starting to light up behind them. Because their home was so out of the way the street they had to take was dark, and Caramel had to rely on his memory of the path not to trip over and sudden holes or dips in the road.

“Probably not,” Sage shrugged, but he sounded unsure. “I mean, the barista didn’t hear me finish what I was saying.”

“You’re awful,” Caramel muttered. “Can I disown you?”

“Legally? Probably.” Sage shrugged.

“Probably?” Caramel asked.

“I mean, I’m a doctor not a lawyer.” Sage smirked, or at least Caramel though he did in the dark. “I think I know a guy though. How long are you gonna be mad at me?”

“Are you doing the dishes?”

“I’ll talk to him tomorrow,” Sage sighed bitterly as though he had accepted the fact that Caramel was no longer his brother.

“I see I mean a lot to you,” Caramel giggled.

This was nice. It was rare for Caramel and Sage to talk and joke like this and laugh loudly without caring if anybody was watching. It only happened once a while, which was even more rare now that the two spent so much time apart. This is what Caramel wanted more, to be happy with those he considered family. The walk home was pleasant and even though the chilled air hurt his lungs to breathe in he didn’t mind going slow. He would have plenty of time to curl up warm in bed later, but right now he was going to have fun.

“But really,” Sage said, changing gears in topics to a more serious tone. “About Mac, I don’t think you should worry.”

“You think?” Caramel asked. He knew he sounded unconvinced.

“I know” Sage insisted. “You two got past whenever most couples have to decide if it was just puppy love or real love. I mean, you don’t see yourself ever breaking up with him, do you?”

That thought alone made Caramel nervous. The idea of not being with Mac despite the fact it had only been two years of them together felt like it almost couldn’t exist. He shook his head in reply, and then realized it was probably too dark for Sage to see him.

“No,” Caramel said.

“Maybe Mac just wants to talk about serious stuff. Y’know, moving in, engagement, all that?”

“You think?” Caramel asked nervously.

“Relax,” Sage chuckled. “Most guys don’t spring that on you. They just, y’know, test the waters and see where you’re at as a couple. But I do hear those country ponies really like to pair up and marry early. He might wanna hitch you soon.”

“Oh knock it off!” Caramel jabbed his hoof into Sage’s side and instead of a grunt or yelp he only heard a laugh from his brothers.

The rest of the walk home was quick. By now the cold was starting to really get to Caramel, and the end of his hooves trudging through the slightly damp ground were beginning to feel numb. When they got to the walkway in front of their house Sage grabbed at the mailbox. It was probably the only one on the street which hadn’t been emptied by now given the fact that nopony had been home since six in the morning.

“I’m thinking Pasta,” Sage said when he approached the door. “Mushroom and daisy sauce sounds great right now.”

“How fresh are the tomatoes?” Caramel asked once they were in the house and feeling began to return from his hooves.

“No pasta,” Sage said in an instant. “Okay let’s see what we have…”

Caramel followed Sage into the kitchen and sat down at the table/counter hybrid in the middle where Sage had dumped out the mail. He was ready to approve or deny any of Sage’s choices. They really hadn’t gone shopping in a while, so it was likely their options were limited.

“No bread… a few eggs…” Sage was rambling mostly to himself now as he went through cupboard by cupboard.

Caramel drug his hoof to the mail and began to absent mindedly go through it. It was the usual bills, bills, a letter or two from the hospital, and even more bills. Once Caramel had seen the mail Mac got, and more than likely the letters from their close-knit family far outweighed the bills that Caramel and Sage were saddled with. Of course, at the bottom of the pile there was a letter that didn’t match up with the rest. Caramel and Sage knew all their friends personally, so there was no need for letters to be sent. He pulled out the letter, and it was from an address he didn’t recognize about a day’s train ride away. He tuned out Sage’s ramblings as he ripped it open slowly, assuring that it wouldn’t rip in his hooves.

The smell… Something about the smell of it made Caramel sick instantly. It was perfume, a sort that was strong and cheap. Without really knowing why his chest instantly tightened up and he tried not to breathe it in. He unfolded the letter slowly and saw writing in scrawled out chicken scratch. He couldn’t get past the first line before a gasp escaped his throat and somewhere far outside his focus he realized Sage had stopped talking and turned to him.

Dear Caramel and Sage,

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I still remember the day you two boys left home together. You were always so independent. I know we had our differences when you two were growing up and we’re not nearly as close as I’d like to be, but I want to change that. I want to visit you, and I want to do it soon. I miss you boys so much. Recently I moved to Manehattan and live in a little apartment. Money’s tight, but I think I can spare the time for a little weekend trip soon. Just mail me back knowing when it’ll be best for you.

From, Mom.

Caramel didn’t realize he wasn’t breathing until his lungs began to ache. He gasped suddenly, and when he already looked up Sage was grabbing at the letter frantically. His eyes widened, and he did what Caramel hadn’t and recognized the style of hoofwriting. They met eyes, and Caramel realized he hadn’t seen Sage look so scared in years.

“How did she find us?” Caramel asked.

He could barely choke out the words. Sage didn't respond, and only then did Caramel realize his eyes were stinging.

Before he knew it, his breath became faster. He clutched his hoof over his chest and stood up from the chair but his legs were weak. He could barely stand much less walk. His stomach wanted to upheave itself. Desperatly he looked to Sage for help, but his brother hadn't moved nor blinked. He looked like a pale statue. Caramel planted a hoof over his mouth to hold back whatever was violently convulsing in his belly.

The stench of that perfume drenched the paper and now filled the apartment and Caramel's lungs. It was a horrible smell, the one his mother always wore. Now he knew where it was. So many memories of it stinging his eyes and causing him to feel sick. He shut his eyes now, fearful he might cry because his eyes were stinging so much. He remembered now how that smell used to cling to his fur and bed and anything she touched and how he couldn't escape it no matter how much he showered or scrubbed. He remembered her yelling and him curled up crying and her asking again and again why he couldn't just man up and knock it off. Caramel remembered all of it more suddenly than he thought he would. It was violent, and he felt like he had been punched in the gut.

She wanted to come here. She wanted to see them.

Comments

[TheVClaw]

Due to recent events in my own life, the ending of this chapter really hit home for me. Even though I personally wouldn't have a panic attack like Cara did, I can definitely understand that kind of reaction.
Also, I really like Caramel's relationship with his brother in this chapter. It feels really genuine and sweet, and I haven't seen that sort of dynamic between the two in a long time in your work.

[dojooreo123]

7933489 amen to the brotherly relationship. Really great writing.

[Jaybird78]

Sage is number the 1 troll brother

That last part nearly made me cry. Way to make me happy and sad all in the same chapter

[Ice Star]

This started out so pure. Why do you do this to me?