300 years after the War, Spike struggles to find personal happiness at Christmas while wondering if he should bother loving a human he cares about or stay alone forever
Three Hundred Years.
I've spent all that time teaching both humans and ponies to never forget the war. I've slowly become content with not just my life, but the fact that I am the last dragon. I've made and lost friends, students, and gained a great deal of respect from both ponykind and humanity. I've seen things change for the better, yet there is one thing I am forced to confront one thing that I fear most.
Falling in love.
Can I, a long lived being who has already outlive those I care about, accept a future with a lover? Or am I too afraid to face such a devastating loss once more?
If there was one thing I was always amused by when it was Christmas time, it was the desperate look on my student’s faces when they were minutes away from a month long vacation. To be fair, teachers are the same way, we just have better control over our emotions. I calmly began saving my H-Files on my M-Tablet, watching the holograms fade into the various saved folders. I checked the crystal power just to make sure I still had enough to play games on when I took the train to the teleportation station. Normally, I just flew to my house, but it was bitter cold out that day and I hated getting my wings frozen. Even dragons got cold from time to time.
I overheard the various students of mine, both human and pony, talk about various subjects like what they wanted for Christmas, parties for the upcoming New Year, seeing family they hadn’t seen since the semester started, and more. Some were of current events, like Discord’s failing health (I made a mental note to visit him when I returned to Canterlot), the recent colonization of Mars, and rumors of the new Conversion Potion that would allow those who took it to turn into the other races from my old world. Apparently, since Discord was made of multiple creatures, some of them griffin, minotaur, dragon, and such, some scientists believed it was possible to use the potion that once turned humans into ponies, currently modified to do the reverse as well, into the other races of my old world. A part of it was all about preserving the legacy of those races that were lost thanks to Celestia’s actions. Another part of it was just to make it a rich fad the teens could get into.
It was a subject I had often brought up in our classes. Being a history teacher, focusing on the “First Contact” era as it had been called since those years, I often addressed the issue of whether or not it was a good idea. The “Pro” argument stated that the potion was still able to cure disease, mental conditions, and even limbs for those unfortunate and in dire health. Plus, unlike the original Conversion Potion Twilight and Celestia created, they kept the personalities and memories of their past lives as humans. Since then, humans had been using it to become ponies and vice versa. Some only used it to follow the crazed trend, only to change back a year or so later. Others found themselves preferring to be another race, or do it so they and their loved one (if they were the different race) could have children.
The two biggest issues with the first generation of potions was the loss of one’s identity/humanity as well as the loss of free will. With the potion no longer doing that, was it still such a problem?
Of course, the “Con” argument was that this was going against everything that humanity fought for during the Conversion War. Despite it being three hundred years ago, and most relations between Ponies and Humanity now being peaceful, there were those who felt it was a disgrace to everything they tried to avoid. By losing their humanity (or equinness in the other side) they wasted everything their ancestors fought and died for. Another argument was that only the rich could afford such a thing. Even after three hundred years, class warfare was still rampant. One thing that the original Conversion Bureau did was make it free and open to any human regardless of their circumstances. It’s why it attracted a lot of lower class individuals who couldn’t afford the medical bills or wanted a new chance at life. Too bad they became mindless slaves when it happened.
When the new potion came out, it caused a lot of controversy and lot of fighting. It was interesting to see a decent number of people using it back then, arguing that it was a new life choice. It was growing to be accepted among society since the free will of everyone was still in effect. Of course some groups, like the ever infamous “Human Purity Organization” were spreading violence in protest.
Personally, I’d never been fully against it, but I wasn’t for it either. I suppose you could say it was a ‘wait and see’ approach with me. The new Conversion Potion had only been officially sanctioned for sixteen years, despite the research being done long after the Conversion War. At least, that was what Lyra told me when she was still alive.
I would not deny that the idea of more dragons existing was something I didn’t mind. I was tired of being called “The Last Dragon” despite it being truthful. It took a long time, and a lot of therapy, to finally accept that reality that when I die my race would die with me. Of course, they technically wouldn’t be like the dragons from my old world, but then again I barely knew anything about them when I lived there.
But I was tired of social and historical events both present and past for the year. I just wanted to go home and spend the next month in Canterlot with nothing but a peaceful frame of mind. Sure enough, I got my wish as the bell rung and every student ran, galloped, flew, or teleported out.
“Be sure to read about the Battle of Las Pegasus during your break. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!” I shouted before they all left, chuckling as they waved or said goodbye. In less than a minute, I was completely alone in my classroom. I decided to take this time to pull out one of my cigars and light it up with a small burst of flame. Enjoying the taste, I sighed and leaned back into my chair with a smile while my eyes focused on the small picture frame I had. It showed me and my friends in Ponyville, and memories of Hearth’s Warming Eve flooded my mind.
I could smell Pinkie’s cookies being baked in the oven while Rarity had on her winter perfume for the holidays to go with whatever colored scarf she designed. I closed my eyes, pretending I was hearing Dash and AJ argue about the decorations while Twilight and Fluttershy were already working on them, humming some songs along the way. All while Owlicious and I were trying to guess what gifts we were getting that year under the tree.
It was kind of amazing how similar Hearth's Warming Eve and Christmas were, although nopony celebrated the former much anymore. Mostly due to the fact that Equestria was no longer really “Equestria” and now known as the Equine Republic. Many ponies generations later were disgusted by the actions of the Equestrian Kingdom and sought to start a new society with new traditions. It didn’t help that they found the human celebrations a lot better. Another reason was it was also a former religious holiday back when ponies worshiped Celestia and Luna as gods. With that faith crushed, it was quickly abandoned as ponies either joined the human religions or became irreligious.
A knock on my door made me open my eyes and shout, “It’s open”. Sure enough, a human with dark blond hair dressed in a suit with a bow tie entered my classroom, accompanied by a chestnut earth pony with a dark smooth mane with a tie and a musical note on his rump. Each of them carried champagne and glasses. A smile decorated my lips as my two fellow teachers and friends made their way for my desk to place the refreshments dead center.
“And thus the semester is over!” shouted the human as he popped the cork and laughed. He poured three glasses as we all took one and raised them in a toast. “May we get fat, lazy, and laid for the next four and half weeks.”
“Speak for yourself, Adam,” said the earth pony as he took a sip. “I’ve got six kids I have to get presents for, not to mention a seventh on the way.”
“Seriously, Beatstep, you ever heard of a condom? They do have ones for ponies, right?” asked Adam, shaking his head before Beatstep threw some champagne at his chest. “Hey! Watch it!”
“You’re not gonna use that shirt for awhile, suck it up,” whispered Beatstep.
I chuckled while taking in my drink. During my three hundred years of living, I have had many friends. At first, I tried to avoid it, especially when Fluttershy, Lyra, and their children all passed away as time went on. Being a long lived being such as myself, you tend to outlive all those you care about. Discord, for the longest time, was my only friend and even he was slowly dying. However, I opened up again and accepted the fact that while I would lose friends, I would have them in my heart as time went on. Not to mention there was the afterlife, if it did exist. Although of all my friends, Adam and Beatstep were the most amusing I’ve had.
“So Spike,” said Adam as he poured himself a second drink. “You’re heading back to Canterlot this year, right? You finally gonna ask that art chick out?”
I nearly choked on my drink before glaring at the grinning language teacher. “How many times do I have to tell you? We’re just friends!”
“Then why do you blush every time we mention her?” asked Adam, chuckling. “Seriously though. It’s been what? Six years?”
“Seven,” I muttered thinking about the human who... for the lack of a better word, attracted me. I met her years ago when I took leave for a while and visited and art gallery. There, I saw a painting of something that actually made me cry. It was a painting of my friends. All of them, just standing there smiling and having a picnic. Most of the time, every one of them except Twilight and Fluttershy were always painted in a bad way, especially Rainbow Dash and Applejack. To see them together, happy, as the friends they were, made me tear up. A woman asked if I was okay. I told her I loved the painting. She told me thank you and I learned that not only was she the owner of the gallery, but it was her painting as well. I told her my name was Spike. She said her name was Rebecca. We chatted. I took her out to dinner. We kept seeing each other and she learned more about who the girls really were in life. Not what the propaganda and movies spoke of. The real truth of six girls, each unique, who held a true bond of friendship.
Since then we had... clicked I guess. We had dinners, coffee, talks, and even just walks. I saw her every chance I could when I returned to Canterlot.
“Seven years is a long time,” said Beatstep as he raised an eyebrow. “What’s stopping you from committing?”
“... because I’m a dragon,” I whispered, shaking my head. “She’s human. Which means she’ll live at most a hundred years. Me? I’ll be still in my young adult life when she passes on. When I lost my first friends... it was hard. What will happen if I lose my first love? What if I fall in love again?” I shook my head. “I cannot have children with anyone who isn’t my race, and I’ll be young and healthy while they will be old and weak. It just can’t happen... even if I want it too.” I looked into my drink. “Besides, I have to focus on my job. I cannot let myself be distracted.”
“Yeah, but don’t you want to be happy?” asked Adam, putting his hand on my shoulder. “Look, I get that you're dedicated to your obsession with giving the truth of those days during the Conversion War to each generation, but it’s been three hundred years, man. I think both humanity and ponies have learned their lesson. You don’t need to burden yourself anymore.”
“... you’re not the first person to tell me that, Adam,” I whispered as I gave him a sad smile. “But this is all I have now. If I lose that... I don’t know what to do.” They couldn’t understand. Nobody really could. Twilight was gone. Fluttershy too. Even her adopted children and their grandchildren passed away. I barely keep track of them anymore. Everyone I ever loved in my old life was gone. I had to focus now, the present, and teach it the past for as long as I could. If I didn’t have that. If I let myself lose focus... I was scared to think what would happen.
The worst of it was that I couldn’t even change into a human or a pony. The one thing that doesn’t change is your age. If I was to be hit with the potion I would die in an instant the moment my body changed due to old age. No, I was stuck with my burden until death. Only in death could I relax at last.
I could tell I was ruining the mood by the saddened looks in their eyes so I got up and grabbed my coat. “Thanks for the drinks, guys. I’ll call you to wish you both a Merry Christmas.” I left before they could say anything.
If there was one thing about Canterlot that I liked the most, it was that it didn't change too much. Everything from the buildings to the overall atmosphere spoke of Equestrian culture. While some of the cities in the Equine Republic had human designs and influence, Canterlot was the one place that still stayed the same even after the nation stopped being called Equestria. Of course, the only true major difference was the advancement in design, technology, and the fact that humans lived in the city as well.
It wasn’t too strange to see Christmas themed decorations since most of Christmas was similar in design to Hearth's Warming Eve, only focused more on Jesus Christ. There were even Christian churches in Canterlot since the old religions of Equestria mostly faded out of existence. I myself wasn’t registered in any religious organization, but a part of me believed something was out there and after death. I thought it best to just not focus so much on that rather than what was in front of me.
I tried not to think about such things too often, but it was kinda hard not to when you entered a graveyard. Not just any graveyard too, but the Royal Graveyard. It wasn’t used anymore and few people ever went to it nowadays like me. Most of the graves were registered to the great heroes of Equestria, members of the Royal Family, and guards who sacrificed themselves for the greater good. A lot of ponies who rested in this graveyard were those I knew during the war. There was even a small memorial added for all five of the Elements of Harmony that Twilight put up right after AJ and Dash died.
Of course, none of my old friends were buried there. Rarity and Pinkie’s remains were never found and are most likely ashes by now. Fluttershy requested to be buried next to her husband after her death. Rainbow Dash and AJ weren’t allowed anything special due to their actions in the terrorist group they joined. Twilight said she had the bodies burned and ashes scattered, but the truth was she buried them both of them in the remains of Sweet Apple Acres without any gravestones.
There was even a memorial for the Crystal Ponies, including the family of Cadance, Shining Armor, and Flurry Heart. The one race that actually died out due to the actions of humanity, with many divided if the nuking the Crystal Empire was a good idea or not. Barely two hundred survived the nuke, but every one of them were sterile from the radiation. Many just ended their lives soon after the war with the few surviving just living their short lives until the last was dead. There was discussion on what to do with the Crystal Empire’s remains now that the radiation was soon to be gone, but most likely it would be left alone in honor of their memory.
I naturally laid two of the four bouquets I had brought with me to this location. I didn’t bother saying prayers. I really don’t think prayers work anymore. Prayers didn’t save my friends or my home.
At last, I made it to the tomb. I visited this every time I came back to Canterlot and it was always the first thing I did. The tomb was designed originally for Celestia and Luna soon after we arrived on Earth and learned their immortality was gone. The sisters wanted to be together in death so it was designed to honor them when they passed on. Twilight herself was part of the design process. When Celestia’s horrors were revealed, it was changed to fit only Luna and Twilight instead of Celestia. Everything from the symbols to her glass painting were replaced for Twilight. Nopony wanted to see Celestia given a proper resting place; her remains could be thrown into the sea for all they cared.
I pressed my palm against the heavy steel door as the magic sensed me and unlocked the heavy locks. Only those with permission were allowed to enter the tomb and pay their respects to the fallen princess, but I was the only one remaining who could do so. The torches lit up as I walked inside, past the flowers and wreaths that still were green and flourishing; again thanks to the magic this place held.
When I reached the main chamber, I saw a glass ceiling of the former symbol of Equestria. The only thing with Celestia’s image that was allowed to stay. Candles and statues of angel ponies surrounded me, all looking sad as if ready to cry. There were two chambers that lead in opposite directions and I headed to the left one first.
It was dark blue, nearly as dark as the night itself. Above, on the ceiling, twinkling lights that acted as stars shined on. The flowers decorating the area were of glowing silver that sparkled. The cutie mark of it’s holder were on banners and portraits. The windows designed to let only moonlight enter and reflect in the center where a glass casket on a blue and silver base rested. Inside was Princess Luna, her peaceful expression staring up at the stars she loved so much. Dressed in her black and blue battle armor like the warrior she was, in her folded hooves she held the blade that she slew many in the war with. A dark hilt with a moon like symbol for the palm. The silver blade that never stopped shining even hundreds of years later lay with its master, never to be used again.
Luna’s death at the Battle of Jerusalem was when many started to believe the war was no longer winnable. Luna, like Celestia, had been loved and worshiped as a goddess in the eyes of many. When they saw their goddess fall, the faith of so many shattered that day. I wasn’t there when Luna’s body was brought back to Canterlot, but from what Rainbow Dash told me it was like seeing Swiss cheese. All those bullets had torn up her body to the point where Celestia had to spend two weeks repairing it with magic and money to make it presentable for the funeral. That was the first time I saw Celestia cry so hard. I wondered if she blamed herself for her sister’s death or blamed humanity even further.
Laying my bouquet of flowers on the casket (Along with the many others that still lived), I couldn’t not help but wonder “What if” again. What if Luna had survived and Celestia died. Would she have continued the war or stopped after losing so much? Did Luna know of Celestia’s true reasoning for sending us to Earth or was she just in the dark? How would she have reacted if she knew? Would she stand by her sister or denounce her like Twilight did? I sadly didn’t know Luna too well, even before the war. I wished I had, but it was too late. I didn’t really say anything to Luna’s casket. I just stared at her face and wondered if she was at peace.
I personally didn’t know what happened after death. In the old days, ponies believed in a place called Elysium where good ponies went to after they died to live in paradise. It’s not too different to ‘heaven’ in some of the human religions. Some even believed we were destined to be reincarnated into different lives based on our actions. Twilight was the only one who never believed in an afterlife in our group. She thought after you died, you were nothing. A good number of ponies think that now since the so called “goddesses” are long dead. I don’t think that happens. Something must happen when you die, but whatever it is I guess only the dead knows.
I just hoped that everyone I knew who passed on were happy.
I turned away from Luna’s casket and made my way to the other hallway. This time, the room was colored lavender with gold trimmings. Twilight rested in here as evidence by the banners and windows with her cutie mark. Instead of stars above, there were decorated crystal lights carved as the Elements of Harmony that forever swirled around her like a bunch of halos. Her books, some of which she wrote herself, were in shelves that were lined on the walls. Only one book lay in her embrace inside her purple and golden glass casket. The book that she read warning about Nightmare Moon during the Summer Sun Celebration on its one thousandth year. She said it started her on the path and she wanted to have it with her when she reached the end.
Twilight was decorated in the very same dress she wore to the Grand Galloping Gala for the first time. An honor to Rarity who made it for her. Her crown was atop her head, still shining bright despite its owner long in eternal slumber. I stared at the one who had been my best friend, teacher, and mother all in one. Even now, she looked more rested than she ever had in her entire life. When she died in bed, it looked like she had finally found peace. A peace that costed me much heartbreak, but a peace I knew she longed for.
“Hey, Twilight,” I whispered, placing my flowers on the glass. “Merry Christmas. Or Happy Hearth’s Warming Eve too I guess.” I sighed and looked at my feet. “Discord doesn’t have long. Looks like even he’s going to bite the bullet soon. Guess you and the others will be having a pretty crazy time in heaven, huh?”
I didn’t say anything for a bit. Almost as if I was hoping Twilight would just speak something from that glass bed of hers.
“I miss you,” I whispered, closing my eyes. “I miss you every day. I sometimes wonder if I should take that potion, go human or pony, and just let my final hours tick until I die. But I guess you’d yell at me since that’s pretty much suicide.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I... I just want you to know that I’m still going at it. Telling the truth about everything in the war. I’m making sure the same mistakes are never repeated, and we will never again see what happened all those years ago.”
Opening my eyes, I stared at her for a bit longer before I sighed again. “I know you told me to make a future for myself... but the problem is I don’t know if I can.”
I turned away upon saying this and made my way out. I don’t know why I said that, but it was getting hard to deny what I was feeling more and more lonely over the years. Was this really going to be my future? To keep doing the same thing? Teach, mourn, cry, and repeat over and over again?
I needed to get some air. I needed to see someone.
I needed to talk to Rebecca.
***
The gallery had changed almost everything it once had when I was here last. New paintings, sculptures, and such could be seen. The unique thing about them all was that they were a mix of both human and pony styles. Most pony styles tended to be simple, dramatic, and colorful. Human ones tended to be darker, complex, and radical. Combining them both was always a challenge, but when it was done right it was amazing to see.
The gallery wasn’t as full as it usually was because of the holidays, but my focus was elsewhere. I soon found myself in front of the painting that never stopped making me smile. In it I could see Rainbow Dash flying in the air, doing her usual stunts to show off and enlarge her ego. Fluttershy putting some daisies on a sandwich while her bunny, Angel, was right by her side eating a carrot. She always took him whenever she could, and she loved him more than any other pet of hers. Rarity and AJ were talking to each other and there were dozens of conversations I could think of them having. Those two were closer as friends then most ever realized despite their differences, and the respect they had for each other was bigger. Of course, Pinkie Pie stood out the most, looking directly at me and waving her hoof. Even after all these years, her legendary abilities were still known. Sometimes, I kid you not, I could even see that image of her winking at me as if to say “I’m okay”. And then there was Twilight. Not the Princess Twilight, but the original Twilight. The unicorn who was reading a book while I was nearby, still a baby dragon, setting up the picnic stuff.
This painting, which never ever came down, was never the most famous, or the most loved. But to me it was the most perfect. Because this was who we were. We weren’t heroes, villains, or rebels. We were just friends. Friends who cared and loved each other and just wanted to spent all those carefree days together.
I wondered if there was a world where the war didn’t happen. That we didn’t come to Earth. Would I and everyone else be happy?
“I knew I’d find you here,” I heard a familiar whisper that made my heart jump a little. My smile increased as I turned around to see a light brown long haired woman, dressed in a blue suit, smile at me with her clear blue eyes from behind her glasses. The artist herself had graced me with her presence. “Hello, Spike.”
It was getting darker by the time we exited out of the art gallery. After helping Rebecca close down for the holidays, the two of us walked down the street to head to our favorite place to talk whenever we met up again: Donut Joe’s. The donut place that Twilight and I hung out during our early years was still open and run by the original Donut Joe’s family line. Still in the same place, still looked the same, even after hundreds of years, and still the same great tasting donuts and coffee. Some families still followed tradition and all.
We took the less crowded route to avoid any tourists wanting to take photos of me. After all, I was one of the only two living survivors of the war around and the last dragon of Equestria. The old me would have admired the fame like how I was worshiped after I helped defeat King Sombra for the Crystal Empire. Now that I’m older, I can tell you fame is a curse. Having to fight off paparazzi, historians, students who wanted to interview me for their assignments, producers wanting me to guest on their shows, and those who just wanted a picture with a living dragon. It was a constant nightmare to the point where I had almost bought a stealth field generator on the black market just so I could have some privacy. It was hard to make friends who liked me for me, and not my fame, but those that did I always treasured.
Rebecca and I made small talk on our way to Donut Joe’s. Mostly about what we had done since our last meeting a few months ago. Sure we kept in touch through email and live chat, but it felt good to be right beside her as well as hear her voice as she went on about her family and career. I let her do the talking, mostly since I was always a better listener than talker, but I would occasionally give updates on my students and Discord. She only got to see him a twice since he was put into Hospice, but she deeply cared about him as I did. We both made a mental note to see him together this Christmas.
At last we reached our destination and entered with that little bell jingle signaling our arrival. The owner spotted us and gave us our usual seats and set aside our favorite order of donuts and coffee. I blew a light flame on mine to give it that extra heated kick before drinking it. Looking around, I saw that there weren’t many customers which was fine by me. Having the place to ourselves made it feel like our own special zone. Just the two of us. Alone.
The thought of it made me blush as Rebecca bit into a sprinkled chocolate glazed donut before she smirked at me. “So I never asked before, and it has me curious. What was Hearth's Warming Eve like before Equestria moved to Earth?”
I smiled as old memories of joyful times came to my head. “It was... magical. Snow falling down all over the cities and towns; even the southern ones like Appleloosa had it. Decorations put up that made the entire town looked like a giant decorated wonder land with the smell of warm cookies and fresh cocoa filling the air. Foals running around dressed as the six heroes who saved Ponykind and reenacting the tale of how Equestria was made.” Or at least the children’s version since the true history was a lot more grim and not all six survived. “Everyone going to the temple to pray to Celestia and Luna for thanks and blessings before going home for a feast. Presents being wrapped and opened at lightning speed, songs sung over the fire, everyone playing games and telling stories of the past. It was... a lot like Christmas but less materialistic for one thing.”
"It's not that bad." Rebecca chuckled as I raised an eyebrow.
“Last week I saw two fat ladies and a giant sized unicorn in a three-way wrestling match for a single video game.”
“Okay, so it’s materialistic, but we have the same charm,” replied Rebecca with a teasing laugh.
“Well, you are a lot more religious in your holiday. With it being the birth of Jesus and all,” I pointed out. While Equestria did have a few religions, it wasn’t as organized as the human ones. The most popular form of worship was of Celestia and Luna as goddesses due to their ability to raise the sun and moon. Some even worshiped Cadence and Twilight when they became alicorns which annoyed the pair of atheists to no end.
Twilight, when she was little, once asked Celestia if she was a goddess and Celestia answered she wasn’t, but was alright being worshiped as one if it meant unifying her ponies even closer. I sometimes wonder if being glorified made her so overconfident in her future decisions or was she like that before it?
Needless to say nopony worship alicorns anymore. Kinda hard to do so when they’re dead.
“Do you miss it?” asked Rebecca, sipping her coffee. “I can imagine you do.”
“... I do,” I replied with a sigh. “The last real Hearth’s Warming Eve we all had was a few months before the war started. It was just a private one with Twilight, her friends, our families, and the princesses. I can even remember Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie tricking me and Flurry under a mistletoe before she gave me a big kiss on the cheek.”
“Someone was quite the stud when he was a teenager,” teased a grinning Rebecca which made me blush. “Not that I blame her. You are quite handsome.”
My eyes lit up and I felt my blush returning. Rubbing the back of my head, I stuttered, “U-uh-h thanks-s.” I cleared my throat. “What was Christmas like for you?”
“Not as exciting as yours was,” she admitted with a shrug. “Family gets together, goes to mass, one big Christmas Party. Pretty much was the only time I got to see my cousins since my folks were always moving due to their jobs. They’re in London for Christmas this year. They offered me to go with them...” She then put her hand on my claw. “... but I didn’t want to leave one of my best friends alone this year.”
I gently gripped her hand as I stared at it. Skin and scales together as one. I raised my eyes to her kind smile and felt my heart beating faster than any battle I was ever in. I thought about all the times I felt a sense of love before, but never had I felt it like this. Love was still something I didn’t know too much about. The one mare I ever loved was Rarity, but she married a Royal Guard by the name Blue Shield. I was jealous at first, but she seemed so happy. She'd never worn such a genuine, loving smile before the months she spent carrying his foal to term. In the end, I let it go.
Then he died in the war. Her baby was stillborn. In a single year she had lost both her husband and her foal. Combined with the stress of the war, Rarity became emotionally distant to everyone except her sister for some time. I went to her one night, asking if there was anything I could to help her.
That night was the night I got my first kiss from her and the night I lost my virginity. The next morning was the most awkward feeling I ever had. All my life I had wanted this from Rarity, but now that I had done it... it felt wrong. Like I was just used. Rarity apologized and we never spoke about it again, nor did I feel any romantic feelings for her again.
Yet here I was, staring at this one human woman who was giving me that old spark in my heart. It was so different that I couldn’t help but be afraid. Every scenario was running through my head and they all ended in heartbreak one way or another. If our relationship did push into the next level I could not give her children and she would one day die before I do. I would be alone again...
I slowly separated my claw from her hand and looked away. She must have sensed something was wrong as she asked, “Is everything ok?”
I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to tell her how I felt, but I also wanted her to know nothing could happen between us that would end in a happy ending. That it was better to just accept us being friends and not let this... whatever it was building between us continue.
Before I could answer, my omniphone started beeping and I lifted my arm to see a human nurse looking at me from the view screen with worry. “Mr. Spike? Spike Sparkle?”
“Yes?”
“My name is Nurse Olive. It’s Discord... he... he doesn’t have much time.”
I felt my blood turn cold. “W-what?”
“Sir... he’s... he’s not going to last the night... he wants to see you before he goes...”
The moment the call ended, Rebecca and I rushed as fast as we could to the Sparkle Memorial Hospital. The last time I was in here was when Fluttershy’s last son passed away. I hated hospitals, mainly because every time I came to these, someone I knew was going to die. I knew that Discord was going to pass away soon, but even after living all these years, and going through so many deaths, I still wasn’t prepared for it.
Discord wasn’t just a close friend, he was the last of the friends I had from my life before we came to Earth. We were the last of those who remembered our old world before Celestia’s insane plan of converting humanity. A long time ago, I didn’t even stand him for his attitude and behavior. Now I was scared of losing him like I was about to lose myself.
As far as I knew, the whole thing was hushed up at the moment via Discord’s request. It was Christmas, he didn’t want others to know he was going to die soon which was understandable. Every human loved Discord, and grew up with him as their hero. Only Lyra received such attention, and when she died all of Earth mourned her. It would be the same thing all over again when news of this finally spread throughout the world.
So there I was at the hospital, listening to the pony doctor talk about something that I wasn’t paying attention too. All that mattered was heading to the door where Discord awaited me. Rebecca offered to come, but I told her to stay in the waiting room. This was something I had to do alone.
Soon, we arrived at the door where Discord was resting: a golden planted door with two golems guarding it dressed in tutu's while a sign above said “Abandon All Yoke Ye Who Enter Here” in neon purple. I rolled my eyes. Even when he was dying, Discord was still Discord. I opened the door, nodding to the pony doctor for privacy before entering he room. It was filled with flowers and pictures of those we knew long ago. Most of them featured Discord with Fluttershy, but I could see myself, Twilight, and the others as well. Discord himself was on a big fluffy bed with an IV and nose breather inside of him, although for some reason the IV was in his skull and the nose breather was in his left ankle.
Again, Discord.
With his aging face, he turned to me and smiled. “Ah, Spike. I was hoping you’d arrive before I kicked the bucket.” While saying this he snapped his fingers as a bucket appeared followed by a boot. The boot knocked the bucket into sending a bunch of flowers into Discord's hands. “We’re all ready for my big going away moment.” He snapped his fingers again as his bed turned into a casket and now wore a with a pink flower on it. The room had now decorated candles, wreaths, and a banner that had “RIP” on it. “So, for the funeral do you think you can have some jive music playing? God knows I hate organ playing.”
“... how can you be so calm about this?” I wondered as I looked down at him in his casket. “You’re dying.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” replied Discord with a smirk. “Oh, come on now, Spike. Everything dies eventually. Even back in Equestria, at my full power, I could still die. It would have been harder, mind you, but still.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re happy about it because I sure as hay ain’t!” I shouted, knocking down one of the wreaths as tears threatened to fall. “Once you’re gone... I’m alone again...”
“... Spike, what have I told you... you aren’t alone,” replied Discord, his joyful expression now turned serious.
“Am I?” I asked with a weary voice. “Twilight’s gone. The girls are gone. The CMC are gone. Ponyville’s residents are all gone. Even the Princesses are gone. And... you’ll be gone too.” I closed my eyes and felt a tear fall down. “Why did I have to be born a dragon?”
“Don’t go acting like you want to knock yourself off,” replied Discord, glaring. “You promised me you’d live life to the fullest."
“Well, I have!” I shouted, glaring down at him. “I’ve spent the last hundred or so years teaching over and over again the mistakes made during the war like you said I should. I think everyone, and their fucking nephew, knows about how Equestria screwed themselves over by thinking they could take a race that perfected war, and ended up ruining their lives to the point where Equestria is nothing more then a mere memory. I’ve lived my life! I’m done with it! I just...
There was a silence because I didn’t want to say it. I didn’t want to say that I wanted to die despite a part of me wanted it so badly. I didn’t care if there was a heaven or reincarnation or nothing. I just wanted to stop feeling such pain in my heart. Such loneliness.
Ever since I lost Rarity and Pinkie Pie, it’s been there and growing with each loss. Twilight’s was the hardest, but I still had Fluttershy. Then she passed on and so did her kids. Only Discord was left and now he was going to be gone. I was going to be alone.
I hated being alone. I’d rather die than be alone.
“You really are an idiot,” replied Discord, putting a dunce cap on my head. “You were never alone.’
“What are you talking about...” I muttered.
“Rebecca. Your friends at school. Your students who still look up to you even after graduation. All the people and ponies you’ve met in your life ever since the peace... you mean to tell me that none of them mattered and were nothing to you?” asked Discord.
“N-no I-”
“Spike, you aren’t afraid of being alone. You’ve been making friends for a long time and you still do,” replied Discord, shaking his head. “No, what you’re afraid of is not being alive or dead or even being alone.” He stared into my eyes. “You’re afraid of being happy.”
I froze upon hearing that. For some reason, just hearing that made my entire body turn to ice. It echoed in my head. “W-what?”
“Spike, you’re afraid to be happy,” replied Discord again, looking at me. “Out of everyone we knew, the only ones who ever died with true happiness was Fluttershy. Everyone else from Rainbow Dash to Twilight died with regrets or lived a life of misery before dying. Even I have regrets.” He snapped his fingers and everything turned to normal as he rested on his pillow. “Spike, you have a long life ahead of you. One that can be filled with much joy if you let it, but deep down you come up with excuse after excuse of not wanting to do it. I've heard it so many times from you that I could make a play out of it. I’m not saying you won’t experience pain in life, that's unavoidable, but you cannot let yourself suffer because you’re afraid of following your true desires.”
“... what are my desires?” I asked.
“You want love,” replied Discord, smiling at me. “You love Rebecca, and I know she loves you. She wants you to make the first step, but you’re afraid.”
“Of course I am!” I shouted. “I’m a dragon, she’s a human. I’ll outlive her. I can’t give her children. I could hurt her. There are a million things that can go wrong! I'm better off just being her friend.”
“... but you will regret it,” replied Discord, sighing. “You will regret it for the rest of your life... just like I did with Fluttershy.” He snorted upon seeing my mouth drop. “Oh, come on. Did nopony notice it? I fell in love with her the moment she forgave me for my betrayal. Why do you think I really sided with her during the war? I loved her, Spike. I love her even now.”
“But... why didn’t you say anything?” I asked.
“I kept thinking it wouldn’t work out... I was of a different race, I was going to outlive her, I wouldn’t be able to give her children, even with my powers.” He then smiled and raised an eyebrow. “Does that sound familiar to you.”
I didn’t answer, but I knew what he meant. It was the same amount of excuses I kept giving myself as to why I couldn’t fall in love again. I looked into those eyes full of regret below me and I wondered if I was looking at my future self. Dying in some bed, alone, with regrets all around me. Never once knowing what it was like to be in love or have a family. I just looked down and muttered, “Do I deserve it?”
“Deserve what?”
“To be happy?” I asked, weakly. “How can I be happy knowing that everyone else... suffered so much.”
“... because they would want you to be,” replied Discord, reaching out and grabbing my claw. “You don’t need to feel guilty that you lived and they died. You have a right to be happy and they would want you to be happy. You may be teaching others the mistakes of the past, but have you been really using them on yourself?” He smirked before coughing. “Tell her, Spike. And if you fall in love again, tell that one too. Keep telling them, adopt kids, live life to the fullest and die happy. Die without regrets like I did.”
“Discord...” I whispered, tears in my eyes. “I’m just...”
Discord gave one last smile at me as his eyes closed. “Better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all.” And just like that his eyes fully closed and he stopped breathing.
I stood there. Silent and not moving. He was gone. The last of my old friends as gone. His words echoed in me as I just stared there, wondering if he was happy now. I looked around the photos of all my friends and saw their smiling faces. Was he right? Was I really afraid of being happy? Did I really feel guilty of trying to have some joy in my life while my friends suffered until their end? Was I-
“BOO!” shouted Discord making me scream like a girl and forcing me to jump. “Sorry... just one... last... joke...” he muttered before he slowly started to fade away. I watched in awe as the Spirit of Chaos slowly became ethereal and then was gone in a small flash of light. A part of me wanted to bring him back from the dead and pound him for that... but I just chuckled and shook my head.
After Discord... left the building, as he would put it, I told the doctor to keep his death a secret until after New Years as per his request. Of course, it would somehow leak out one way or another, but hopefully people would dismiss it as a troll just trying to ruin people’s Christmas. When I was done talking and making arrangements, Rebecca held me tight as I let myself cry on her shoulders for a long time. I lost another friend. I was the last one now.
Twilight was gone. Discord was gone. My friends were gone. Everyone from Ponyville was gone. I even, for a split second, wished Celestia was even here to cuddle me like she did when I was a baby. I would forgive her for one single moment if it meant someone I once cared about was around to comfort me.
Then I remembered I had someone I cared about. She was holding me right now. Letting me unleash my grief upon her shirt. I thought about what Discord had said about regrets, and how we were so alike. Him for his love for Fluttershy, and me with my love for Rebecca. In that moment, where we held each other, I realized that I didn’t give a damn about the reasons we couldn’t be together. I just wanted us to be together.
After signing some paperwork that seemed like a blur to me, I found myself walking down the street with Rebecca guiding me. I didn’t know where and it didn’t matter. It all seemed colder no matter how much fire I let burned within me. Eventually, we made it to a medium sized house with a front yard and nice Jaguar car by the front pavement. It soon occurred to me that this wasn’t my house, but Rebecca’s. I soon blushed, but did my best to hide it. I had never been in her house before. That seemed a bit too personal to do.
“You coming in?” asked Rebecca as she opened the door. I nodded and soon entered my crush’s house. Naturally, it had an artist's touch to fit. Paintings and sculptures were nearly everywhere, making me feel like I was back in her gallery. The furniture she had was very New Age with interesting designs, but there was at least a simple nice couch you could relax on. I sat down, mindful of my tail, while Rebecca left to get us some refreshments.
I closed my eyes and let the events of the day flow through my mind. What started with a simple meeting between two friends resulted in me losing a friend and thinking about my future. Was I really trying to make myself unhappy on purpose? Did I really think I didn’t deserve it after all the suffering my friends went though? Applejack lost her farm, her family, and died a traitor and disgraced. Rainbow Dash lost her team, her honor, and also died a traitor. Heck, their graves were vandalized a few times. Rarity lost her husband, child, and died along with her sister from a bomb. Pinkie Pie went through... unpleasant changes due to the war and died trying to save the Cakes. Luna was gunned down and Celestia... well, she got what she deserved. Cadence and Flurry Heart were nuked to death, but at least that was instant. Shining Armor was taken down by a sniper. And Twilight... she went through so much trying to redeem Equestria... she went through so much pain.
I thought back to when I was cleaning her room when she went to visit Fluttershy for the first time since she left us to side with humanity. I found a suicide note addressed to me, written in case Fluttershy had rejected her. Honestly, if Twilight ended her life around that time I would have done the same. Because she was all I had left until we reunited with Fluttershy and her children. It gave me some hope and reason to live.
But that’s just the easy route isn’t it? Wishing for death? Does it change the fact that I suffered? Did it change the fact that I was the last dragon? Did it change the fact that I was still so young and could learn to live again?
Yet when I think about my students, my friends, Rebecca... am I really right to reject their efforts to make me happy? Am I not disrespecting their friendship by thinking like this? Was Discord right?
Opening my eyes, I looked down and saw something that caught my eyes. It was something I saw a lot these days with “Conversion” being the latest fad. I picked up a flyer indicating details of how the process is done and what effects it could do to you. It brought up painful memories of the first time I saw it in action all those years ago. I wondered if I had said something back then, maybe we wouldn’t have that war.
I opened it up, reading about the races you could become thanks to Discord’s blood. My eyes widened when I saw the new option for dragons circled in a red marker. My mind went blank for a moment before I realized why Rebecca had done this.
“Oh!” I heard her say as I looked up, spotting her embarrassed face as she held two mugs of hot cocoa. “You... found that.”
“Yeah,” I answered.
There was a moment of silence between us before Rebecca sighed and put the mugs on a table. “I’ve been thinking about it...”
“Why?” I asked, getting up and moving closer to her.
She gazed into my eyes and took off her glasses. “Because... maybe... you and I... you would...”
“No,” I replied. Seeing her eyes lowered, I realized my mistake and lifted her chin up. “I meant I don’t want you to become a dragon.”
“But... if I was... then we...”
“Who says we can’t?” I whispered before doing what I should have done a long time ago.
I kissed her.
In an instant, a spark went through us as our lips touched. I felt all doubt washed away as tasted the lips of the woman I loved. The human that I loved. She was surprised at first, but then she held my waist and kissed back. Our eyes closed as our bodies touched chest to chest. I was almost smiling and I swear I could hear Discord in the back of my mind cheering me on. It was different than kissing Rarity... this felt right. This felt like it was meant to happen.
“I want you to be human. I love you because you are human,” I replied, looking into her eyes. “Everything about you. Your looks, your personality, your art, your passion. It’s all because you are human... and I want you to be you and nothing else.”
“Spike...” whispered Rebecca, shedding a tear.
“I don’t know if this will work out. Hell, I’m scared that I’ll hurt you or I’ll get hurt in the future... but you know what?” I smiled, thanking my old friend for putting me straight. “I’d rather love you and feel pain years from now then regret never loving you at all.”
She pounced on me, pushing me onto the couch as I continued to make out with her. The hot cocoa was long forgotten as we found something else to satisfy ourselves. Something hotter. She took off my clothes. I took of hers.
She screamed my name.
I roared hers.
Pretty sure I burned her walls too, but she didn’t mind.
When all was said and done, we laid together on the couch as one. Holding each other, naked but warm. Drifting off to sleep I realized that for the first time in such a long time, I was really happy.
