A series of shorts stories about Spike trying deliver the mail.
Spike finds himself stuck with a whole bunch of scrolls that he must deliver to Canterlot, an easy task if it weren’t for the fact that he is unable to use his flames due to digestive problem that he got after eating some spoiled diamonds. Now he must find a way to deliver those scrolls, however that task is going to be more difficult than he though it would be.
The day starts and Spike the magnificent, yet unspectacular, dragon receives it with the most earnest feelings. He gets outside the softness of his bed and to a one-way trip to the kitchen; there he makes a rich nutritious diamond base breakfast, a feast to his dragon senses. After a sensational snack Spike carries on to the library where he sits on his one personal tool and calmly, yet a little bored, arranges the misplaced books around the room.
Suddenly the sound of the door opening interrupts the silence of the place. Spike turns back and sees Twilight floating towards him; she comes closer with what certainly appears to be a huge load of papyrus scrolls. Said papyrus scrolls are then, with no warning whatsoever, dropped at Spikes feet, then the princess proceeds to say: Oh hey Spike! Nice to find you here, I need you to send these scrolls as soon as possible to Princess Celestia.
After that lousy moment Twilight just teleports out of the room, probably to get more scrolls, or make a report about scrolls or even both. The still calmed, although now more annoyed dragon, too distracted with the pile of sheer scrolls below him didn’t noticed when.... his caretaker/friend/surrogate mom left, but what he did notice is that now he had to pick the scrolls and spend probably about 10 minutes sorting them out and them sending them.
With no time to waste, Spike makes haste and starts to arraign the scrolls, he picks one and tries to burn it like usual, however he is unable to do so. Confused he tries again but fails nonetheless. The situation worries him, not because of the lost of his powers, he knew that probably the reason he couldn’t spit flames no more was because of a spoiled diamond he ate, one of those could bring all kind of peculiar side effects to his body, the most troublesome being the temporal lost of his flames. Nonetheless, he had a much bigger worry, how on pony sake will he deliver the mail.
No other solution at hand, Spike resorts to the one institution responsible for all mail related issues: the mail. Grabbing all the paper he could handle with his tiny claws, Spike manages somehow, nobody knows how, to put all the scrolls in a cute little pinic basquet, no really nobody knows how.
Navigating through the streets of Ponyville the small dragon encounters a significant numbers of acquaintances, like the Apple family, the CMC, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and significant others. He makes small talk with each of them, all of them ask him about why he was caring a basquet, to which he reply: Delivering the mail. A funny look or puzzled expression were given most of the time after that response, Rainbow actually made two very cringer worthy puns about mail.
After some meaningless interactions later, the dragon arrives to the pony mail station, he sits on a stool, get the basket up, deposits a 5 pony bits fee in a hole near by, then he is greeted by a emotionless yet somehow cordial voice that replies: What can I help you with? Spike waits a little nervous but eventually responds: A deliver for princess Celestia.
The voice makes a pause, says that it will be no problem, makes another pause and calls a fellow employee called Jerry to help with the rest of the transaction. Spike leaves the mail at the place, thanks the mail staff and makes his way back to the castle. He returns to his room, tired from the experience and just wanting to end the day he closes his eyes, hoping that tomorrow he can have a nicer day.
The next day comes, this time is cloudy and gray, rain pouring like a furious waterfall, thunder that could scare the most vicious of beasts, lightning that threatened to strike at any fool who dared to walk outside, and at the center of all was Derpy, looking with both eyes at the castle in front of her, with a very serious expression. Meanwhile our hero of the story is taking a relaxing shower at his room. Pink bubbles float around accompanied by the sweet smell of strawberry lavender, a gentle humming like that of a diva is sung by Spike, such beautiful melodies fill the room, truly a soothing sound. Suddenly wham!
A furious bundle of gray feathers and fan fantasies crash through the bathroom window onto the floor, she rolls to the wall and like nothing happened gets on her fours (phrasing) and with the most serious tone says: Youuuuu!
Dumbfounded by the situation Spike, still in his tub, points his fingers to his chest as in asking if he was the person Derpy was looking for. She nods affirmative and proceeds to tell the story of her current presence:
Long ago, about two weeks before this very day, a corrupt and greedy group of gryphons bought the mail station for 20 ponybits, such a low price was the result of the owner being a very senile pony who need the cash for the annual lottery, luckily he got the winning ticket and is now spending his days in a paradise island with a lot of beautiful mares, playing volleyball that is. Regardless I was fired by the gryphons due to my lack of effectiveness in my job, also I called the boss fat and ugly, which he totally was, but that didn’t matter because I was favorite pony in that station, so my others co-workers still gave me assignments to do and paid me like the usually did, in time my gryphons lords noticed my precense but because my absence caused morale to go down they just turned a blind eye. Eventually the boss forgave me and we are now official facebook friends!
And? – Said Spike waiting for the conclusion of that story
That’s it- Replied Derpy in a nonchalant tone
So let get this straight, you broke my window bathroom, trashed the floor, almost destroyed the wall and ruined my bathroom time just to tell me that- Said Spike a little bit annoyed
Yeap, oh wait, I almost forgot, this if for you- Replied Derpy, who then proceed to give Spike a small letter.
The gray pegasus proceed to exit the bathroom, leaving Spike with a mess of a bathroom and an innocuous letter at his hand, a normal day for the dragon. Spike then got out of his tub, took the towel, dried his hands and opened the envelope to read the letter:
Dear Mr. Spike we inform you that the scrolls that you had send to the Ponyville station are currently stuck in Hay town, a village that finds itself in the middle of a very bloody civil war, given those unexpected conditions we are unable to deliver your mail to Canterlot until said war is over.
The journey continues, the adventure drags on and the readers keep on down voting this poor excuse of a story. After reading that letter, Spike rides onto the sunset in his mighty steed Lana Blanca, a beautiful and majestic horse that he got on the market flea for 40 bits. The rides proves challenging, wind and dust scorches violently, heat like that of a exploding sun melts the desert, flies appears from all sides, truly a nightmarish travel. This goes on for what it seems for days, there no sign of ever ending, hopes vanish and dreams go away, the situation is just plain ugly. Step after step the rides gets heavier, Spike feels his life going away after each drop of sweat falls to the ground, Lana Blanca also is at his last breaths, tired from the cruel sun, the slippery sand, the weight, just everything. Without warning Lana collapses to the ground, a blunt sound is heard across the indifferent dessert, Spike rolls down too, sand and rocks greet him on his way down, he gets scratched and bruised by the impact but nevertheless to tired to get up, to tired to continue, too tired to care.
My last moments will be here in this hell for land- Mutter Spike under his breath
Lana just grunts, like he understood that they were doomed to die
I am sorry that you had to perish like this, I though that this travel would be easy but I was proved wrong- replied sadly Spike
Lana didn’t grunt this time, but looked at the small dragon, with dried eyes he understood that it was luck that had abandoned both of them.
Silence is made for several minutes and no more words are said. Time passes until finally with last dying breaths both heroes expire, victims to a quest in a forsaken land, left to be forgotten there. Such a tragic end
….
Twilight looks at Spike with a puzzled look, makes a long pause and says: I don’t know if I should be angry at you or amazed by that story, I mean is just ridiculous but very dramatic too.
Twilight is not a story! That could happen if go to Hay Town in my own – replies Spikes very worried
Ok, ok, look I was going to make some friendship reports but if is so important for you that I go with you to retrieve the scrolls, which I still can`t understand why you didn’t just told me to teleport in the first place instead of sending to the mail, then I will accompany to see them – Said Twilight a bit annoyed
Excellent! I`m going to make the preparations and we can go on in about 20 minutes – Replied Spike as he went downstairs to prepare everything for the oncoming trip
Twilight sighted, her peaceful day arranging scroll reports had been cancelled and now she had to explain to Celestia the tardiness of her assistant, it was going to be a long day.
Continuing from last time, Spike and Twilight had already gather everything they need, as they aware of the situation going down on Hay Town Twilight has made a cast of numerous spells to protect them of whatever harm may come down their way. Without wasting any more time Twilight teleports both of them to the train station where they buy the tickets to the ominous Hay Town. After getting on the train and traveling for about fours hours they arrive to a small train station, there they rent an small cab that is pulled by two colts, they had considered traveling by air but the sun was to much for Twilight wings and even if she casted a spell to protect her from the heat it will just exhaust due to the previous spells she was maintaining already. The cab takes about 2 hours to arrive, in that time they chat about some of the previous adventures that had taken place in the last seasons, laugh about some of their misadventures and when conversations dies down they just stare at the landscapes. Eventually they arrive to Hay Town.
The place itself is absolutely wrecked, houses are partially destroyed, roads are full of holes, buildings seems they are about to collapse at any moments but most eerie of at all there is no sign of life whatsoever. Twilight and Spike get down of the cab which quickly departs, they walk carefully to the place observing the ruins of what was before a calm town, their steps seems to be the only sound that resonates in there. Going back to the events of Appleloosa they had though that the civil war was just another excuse to waste down pie, however this time things seems more bleak, the only thing missing is a corpse and the flies around it.
I don’t like this Twilight- Says Spikes in a low voice, like trying not to get the attention of unforeseen threats
Me neither but we here already so may as well find out what happen to this town – Replied Twilight knowing that her duty as a princess was to maintain peace
They walk down some more until they eventually find a small building that seems to be in perfects conditions, they enter the building. Everything is pitch black and completely silent, as they explore the interior a sense of uneasiness and dread fills them, something is lurking in the shadows, waiting to attack, they stay alert. Twilight light the room with her horn, the interior seems to be perfectly normal, the only strange thing is that there is only one room, which is completely empty. Searching the room more carefully Twilight discover a hidden shaft on the floor, she opens it, the shafts conducts to a long tunnel that seems to have no end, before Twilight can decide whenever to go down or not she hears a loud cry, turns back and discover in horror that Spike is no longer whit her.
All kinds of emotions and unnerving’s thoughts pass though her mind, panic fills her and she fears the worst, now she was alone in a creepy ghost town and her only company was now missing. Desperate she cries into the silence yelling SPIKE SPIKE but to no avail, the only response she gets is the wind that blows in the distance. Moment’s pass, they feel like eternity, before the situation gets any more unbearable she hears giggles from the hole, the same hole that was on the floor, a dark abyss that seemed to go nowhere but nevertheless had just invited her to enter it. Twilight goes down.
Very deep down the darkness of the hole reached, the circle of an unknown abyss, a foul smell impregnated it, a stain of something rotten and dead but with an alarming sensation that something alive was there, waiting at the end. Twilight was scared, she was afraid of what unholy things could happen to her down there but at the same she was worried sick for Spike, the little dragon just screamed into the darkness and disappeared without a trace.
Was he alive? Was he fine? Where was he?
Question and more question filled the pony head, doubts that just got worse by the tension of the passage of time and walking in total darkness was not alleviating those thoughts, in any case she had to do what was needed to be done as nopony, nor creature or just about anything, will come to their rescue, she was the only hope left.
The walk in the tunnel started, it seemed to be wide enough to be walked by normal sized ponies, the walls of dirt were very well carved maybe by some magic spell or a very advanced machinery. As the journey deep below continued the tunnel grew in complexity, as the walls became murals of an alien art that showed monster of unspeakable forms, screaming in terror and laughing maniacally.
Ugh Howard Philadelfia is going to sue somebody- Say Twilight in a brief moment of very justifiable snarkiness.
Twilight continued, she was determined to reach the end of that nightmarish place. It didn’t take too long for her to finally find a sort of dead end where a wooden door was, the door itself was perfectly carved, details that only could be made by a master of the craft were in every inch of that door, it smelled like old wood but it was not an unpleasant smell, on the contrary it was very pleasant. Twilight could have stayed hours staring at the fine details of the door but she didn’t have the time for such a trivial thing, she lighted her horn and with a swift move opened whatever was behind that door. A bundle of green flames bursted out, a intense light filled Twilight eyes and before she could have time to think she passed out, as she lost consciousness she saw a small pair of purple claws walk out to her, she heard a small voice but did not understand any of it, soon she dreamed.
At this point Spike was just impatient, he had tried to wake up her friend… master something in between. Regardless the situation needed to be change, so brainstorming for a moment he immediately though of a very nice solution although not a very pleasant one. Gathering an immense amount of breath he then great ball of fire, how he got it back would be told later.
The flames direct at Twilight butt soon proved to be effective, as the heat on her coat turned to an insufferable burn she jumped in an almost cartoony way, her eyes were wide as plates and her mouth was contortioned in what could only be described as a mix of pain, anger, confusion and bit of surprise.
SPIKEE WHAT THE [APPLES] THAT [APPLES] HURT YOU [APPLES] SON OF [APPLES].
After some very long minutes of cursing and arguing Twilight finally calmed down, she then asked why Spike was here and how did he get caught in the first place, the small dragon wasted no time and told her that after they entered the room and searched it a lasso grabbed him by the waist, as he felt being pulled away he just could mutter a scream, after that a hooded figure just tapped him with a tape and he couldn’t say or see anything for the matter. After that the hooded figure took him to an underground hole where after some minutes of travelling he was taken to a small room.
There the hooded figure took out his tape and then revealed itself as no other than Trixie, turns out that some time ago after the changelings accident she realized that the changing tunnels of the changeling Kingdom where very scary and disturbing, they were so scary that it could even disturb the most brave of creatures, so after the big party in Starlight Glimmer she talked with Discord who seeing a chance to scare ponies without being called on by the mane six immediately accepted the deal. It took some time but with Discord unlimited magic and Trixie experience on the show business they set up the Town of Hay, a place that was purposely made to resemble an abandoned and spooky town, with the infrastructure being done they now had to lure ponies in, so they came up with the idea of striking a deal with the griffons in Ponyville so they “misplaced” the letters on Hay Town, that way ponies would come to seek out their mail and in the process get a scare of their, it just happened that Spike and Twilight had the misfortune of being their first guinea pigs.
Twilight heard the story with a very incredulous look; she just had traveled 8 hours worth of her time to be a tester of a horror Town concept.
So wait all this time we just being freaked out by Trixie and Discord- asked Twilight now annoyed
Yep- said Spike in submissive tone
Ughh, wait what about the letter that said there was a civil war here? - Asked Twilight
Oh yeahh about that- said a third voice out the blue
Spike and Twilight in surprise turned around, there she was, Trixie, in her usual painful attire, the blue pony then said:
The great and powerful Trixieee told the griffons to put horror town but those fools got confused and instead wrote that silly civil war thing.
Whelp, what about Spike flames, oh wait that was me- said a fourth voice, easily recognizable as Discord- I solved Spike flames, then with my magic I made him spit flames at that wooden door you seemed to like so much- replied Discord pointing at Twilight
Why-grunted Twilight
Because why not- said Discord
Twilight took a long pause, took a huge breath and exhaled, then she said: Now that this stupid mystery is solved, would you be so kind to give our scrolls back.
You know I could be a jerk and just told you that the mail never moved in the first place but seeing you getting your butt burnt is satisfying enough- Said Discord who then immediately in a snap of his claws transported Twilight and Spike at the castle where the papyrus scrolls were arranged and ready to be sent.
Twilight and Spike sighted, they just had a long day and now they just wanted to rest. Spike went over the papyrus scrolls and with big ball of flames finally completed his duty of delivering the mail.
Back where Trixie and Discord were, both of our somewhat lazy antagonist where laughing at a recording of Twilight butt being burnt.
Do over, do over- said Trixie laughing her ass off
Oh darling you don’t have to tell me what is going to be done anyway- said Discord giggling under his breath
They were having a good laugh and also celebrating that their first opening was a relatable success. As they laugh some more they noticed by a portal that Discord put to watch the outside of the Town that a small group of ponies were coming down, with a wicked smile they set off to prepare for their not so lucky clients.
