Part 1: Angel Caerbannog
Her Little Angel
By Kandagger
Preread by Flutterbybuttershy
My Little Pony owned by Hasbro
“Angel…would you please wake up now?” a soft voice shook me from dreamland, “I know it’s early, but we have a lot to do before noon.”
When you’re a rabbit, it pays to be a light sleeper. Even in peaceful Equestria there were a variety of clever things that would view a sleeping bunny as a blue plate special. Any warning of impending doom approaching needed to be registered and responded to even from the depths of slumber. So it didn’t surprise me in the least that this gentle alarm clock had ruined my lovely dream involving several playbunnys and me on a sultan’s throne…rather, it pissed me off.
I rolled over to return to my harem.
“Angel…” I felt a soft nose nudge my spine, “If we don’t get an early start, we’ll never make it to our playdate in the park.”
I batted the nose away with a paw, and snuggled down into the covers.
“Angel.” It came again, a little more forceful this time—emphasis on “little.” The idea of an exclamation point was foreign to this voice.
I opened my eyes and only too late realized my mistake. I locked eyes with my rouser and lost the will to resist.
My mistress, tamer of manticore and dragon alike possesses the most miraculous set of eyes the world has ever known. Most creatures would tell you of her fabled “stare” a mighty weapon that can send the toughest of monsters cowering to their slimy lairs. But I, Angel Caerbannog—First-son of First-son back to the dreaded “Killer” Caerbannog of Myth—will tell you that she possesses a second stare far more insidious than the first. For the first stare spoke of her will—her resolute and unbreaking desire to see all creatures happy and well. Her second stare spoke of her helplessness. For all her charms and virtues and gifts and talents she was still one very small pegasus in a very big scary world.
And she needed me.
It was with this stare that she now looked upon me, and I did not have it in me to refuse her anything. I sat up, threw the covers from me and shook sleep away like water on a dog. I looked up at the great winged beast whom I called “Mistress” without a hint of insincerity—the pony Fluttershy.
“Oh thank you, Angel,” she cooed, “I know you would rather sleep, but we have so much to do today…”
I give her a flat look. The only reason we have so much to do is because she keeps creating more things that need doing. Oh, and bringing in more tenants, can’t forget that. That girl just didn’t know how to say ‘no,’ and as such spent most of her day fretting over “wounded” creatures that could probably live without her—and by extension so did I.
Fluttershy made her way into the kitchen to start work on breakfast, chatting to herself about what we were going to do for the next several hours, “We’ll need to feed the birds…oh, and clean the cages. Then there’re the bunnies, and the squirrels and the mice…”
Why denna she just call us “rodents” like everythin’ else? I found myself thinking.
“…and the reptile house probably needs to be cleaned…Oh! and there’s that new recipe I want to try for the carnivore cages.” She fluttered over to me with a huge plate of salad, “Here you go Angel. I hope you like it.”
I looked down at the salad—a perfect combination of things I liked and things I ate because I knew they were good for me. It looked delicious, truth be told, but as I went to dig in I noticed her place was bare. No plate, no food, and no Fluttershy. I looked up as saw her trotting towards the door.
Oh hay no. She was NOT getting out of having a descent breakfast before working her tail off. I hopped down from my seat and caught up with her just before she got to the door. I grabbed her tail and started dragging her back to the table
“Angel? What are you…?”
Before you get all skeptical about how a wee little bunny can move a great beast like Fluttershy, you must remember whom you are dealing with. I am Angel Caerbannog, the meanest, toughest and strongest rabbit in Equestria—no mere pony could hope to match my might…especially when the pony in question wasn’t resisting at all.
“That’s very thoughtful, Angel,” Fluttershy said, noticing where we were going “But really, I’m not that hungry. You just enjoy your meal and come out and help me when you are done.”
I pulled her to her place, spun her around, pointed to the salad then pointed at her. She looked at the dish, uncertain. Then she glanced over at the sofa where a glossy magazine sat. As usual it showed a veritable scarecrow of a pony looking posh and satisfied amid eye-catching headlines like “Homemaking Made Easy” and “Tricks to Drive Him Wild” (yes, I can read; ye wanna make somethin’ of it?). I saw her face fall and watched her push the salad away. I put two and two together and came up with “body issues.”
Fluttershy, my Fluttershy, thought she was fat. And apparently that made her unattractive. How? Why? I mean, I may not know much about pony standards of beauty, but I’m pretty sure when someone pays you to take your picture, you are pretty damn pretty. How could she have forgotten about that already? I got back up onto the table and turned her head away from the model on the magazine and made her look at me.
“Angel, what’re you…?” but that all she got out before I had her looking at a nearby mirror. She saw herself, fur the color of buttercream, big sad eyes peeking out from behind a waterfall of light pink mane, and one very cranky looking bunny who right at this moment was hugging her side with all the love his twisted black heart could muster.
She got it.
I felt a hoof wrap around my back and pull me closer, “Thank you, Angel,” she said softly.
We ended up splitting the salad.
_oOo_
To the animals of the Everfree Forest, Caer Fluttershy was almost sacred. It was a place of healing and rest where the food was good and plentiful and the predators dare not attack anything. In fact most liked it here so well the real trick was getting them to leave once they were healthy. As Fluttershy’s seneschal, it is my job to keep this place running. That meant I had the ever-so-unenviable task of kicking out those residents who do cross the line from “patient” to “squatter.”
WHAM!!
Sometimes literally.
A grey wolf that Fluttershy had nicknamed “Peter” went flying like a football towards the Everfree forest. He landed hard, and skidded a shallow trench several more feet—face in the dirt, tail in the air.
“And stay out, ye sorry excuse fer a sheepdog!” I shouted after him.
”Okay, Angel, jeez.” Peter whined as he got to his feet, “I’m going, I’m going…” and off he ran into the forest.
“Yeah, ye better KEEP goin’ until ye find yer pack again…and dunnae come back less yer missin a limb er somethin’.”
If he heard me, he was too far into the forest for a response.
I heard a flutter of wings, “Is Pete gone?” my second-in-command asked.
“Aye, Effortine, he’s gone.” I sighed, “and good riddance ta him, says I.”
The falcon snickered, “Yeah…I’ll miss him too.”
I “harrumphed”
Effortine, however, wasn’t done, “You know, Peter never really had that wild temperament. We could have kept him on as a pet…”
I glared at the girl, “Effortine, we currently house 25 “pet-class” animals on a permanent basis…including me and you. An’ how many of them have been adopted in the last six months?”
She thought a moment, “one?”
“Tha’s right, “Tank” is one lucky tortoise. And even that was a longshot…tha’ blue pony has weird tastes.”
“She has a name, Angel.” Effortine bristled
“Tell it to a rabbit that cares,” I snapped, “The point is, every one of those “pet-class” critters is a drain on The Mistress’ bit supply. She takes in all she can, but unless they can be turned around and adopted they’re nothing but a burden. Now you tell me, how many ponies do ye know who would want a pet as big as they are and eats mostly raw meat?”
Effortine tried to come up with a reasonable answer, but I knew she had nothing.
“Exactly…he’s better off in the forest by far.”
It was only when I saw her proud bearing slump that I realized my mistake. Effortine actually had a lot in common with Peter. They both were generally considered dangerous, and ate meat, but both had sweet dispositions that needed to please others…ponies in particular. The only difference was Peter had come by it naturally, Effortine was raised that way. Some dumbass noble had taken up falconry on a whim and cast it aside just as quickly. By the time she got to us she was half-starved and confused out of her mind as to why none of her tricks pleased anypony. We had tried to rehabilitate her, but her heart just wasn’t in it. The only way she was leaving was if we found her a home—and somepony who appreciated all her talents.
Crap, now I had to apologize, “Effortine, I…”
“It’s okay Angel,” She sighed, “I know you didn’t mean it.”
“Still it’s nae right to browbeat ye o’er the head like that.”
“It’s the truth, Angel, I can’t expect you to tiptoe around it just for my sake.”
I wanted to say more, but I realized this was just plain awkward for both of us. Best put it aside for now, “Right…so, are the reptile cages clean?”
She snapped to attention, “Aye sir, clean as a whistle.”
“Did those damn lizards actually clean it themselves this time?”
“Aye sir, I made sure of it.”
“Good girl.” I nodded, “Check up on pond patrol, I’ll see how the housecleaners fair.”
“Aye-aye sir!” and with that the falcon took off, eager to have something worth doing.
I was about to head back to the house when a stray scent stopped me cold.
A doe.
That is to say, a female rabbit of bedable age…and judging by the scent a very very healthy one.
The cleaning patrol could wait.
I bounded into the forest intent upon finding the source of that smell. I found her not five feet in, looking on Caer Fluttershy with longing, but not too close to appear desperate.
She was an interesting specimen for woodland rabbit. Fur black as midnight, eyes sparkling like gems. But her smell—oh her smell—was enough to drive any rabbit wild. And I was only a tame rabbit when it came to one pony…and she wasn’t here right now.
“I see you, Angel Caerbannog, servant of Great Healer.” She purred, voice husky.
“And I you, black doe of the Everfree.” I bowed, more to show I was a cultured rabbit than any showing of respect—does liked their bucks powerful and weakness is always a turnoff, “what troubles ye this fine spring day?”
“My warren is warm, but my womb is bare. I have need of a fine strong buck to fill it with kits”
I took a breath, “My legs are strong and my senses sharp, and many fine kits will I give you.”
There, courtship over…now we “make marriage”
I casually move behind her, ready to make her mine. The actual act wouldn’t take long at all, so I preferred to take my time on the approach, letting the anticipation heighten the experience. The black doe was nearly beside herself by the time I place both forepaws on her fine backside and…
“Angel?” Fluttershy’s worried voice called out through the wood, “where are you?”
“Ah Celestia in a saddle,” I muttered.
“What troubles, Angel Caerbannog?”
I winced…I wanted to tell her it’s nothing, but I was interrupted by Fluttershy.
“Oh dear,” she sounded really worried, “Angel…we need to go. We’re already late!”
“Your Mistress calls,” the black doe stated
“She does,"
“Will you go to her?”
I clenched my teeth, “I must. She is all the warren I have, and I have sworn oaths to see her well.”
The doe was calming down now, “You must do what you think is best, of course.” She said, voice understanding but I could hear the underscore of frustration behind every word, “But know that I cannot wait for your return.”
And now for the hardest words of the entire day so far, “Nor would I expect you…go now, and find a buck even I would envy.”
She looked sad, “There are none like you, Angel Caerbannog,” she said, then turned tail and vanished into the woods.
Gaius DAMN IT that was third doe in so many days that my mistress had unknowingly cock-blocked. I swear if this kept up any longer ALL of me would be blue (and not just the parts my Mistress would rather forget I had). I needed to do something about her—and fast—or this entire spring was going to be wasted.
“Angel… Oh dear. Oh dear…” Fluttershy called again, “The girls are waiting!”
I ran up behind her and tapped her leg. She’d missed us entirely in her haste (and a good thing too, I didn’t want to think about what she’d do if she had actually caught me with that doe). She already had the sandwiches made, and her mane was freshly brushed…all that she needed for her pet playdate was her pet.
“Oh there you are, Angel.” She said anxiously, “I’ve told you not go into the forest without me…you know what sorts of dangerous things live out there.”
I rolled my eyes. After drop-kicking a wolf I kind of had to.
“Now hop on,” she said, crouching so I can get on her back, “We’re going to have to fly quickly or we’ll miss lunch.
We took off at a speed that I could beat on foot.
I have got to get this girl out more.
_oOo_
By the time we got to the park, all the others were just sitting down to lunch…we’d missed the actual “play” part of the playdate and were now well into the socializing portion. The six friends would natter for a good hour or more while the six pets were allowed to do whatever so long as they didn’t get too far away. Best part of the event, the way I saw it. True it was boring, but at least I didn’t have to pretend to be a happy little bunny during it.
“Sorry, I’m late everypony.” Fluttershy apologized almost before she landed. I hopped off her back and set the plate of sandwiches on the center of the picnic blanket, “it was cleaning day, and Angel…”
“Aw, that’s alright sugercube,” The blond in the cowboy hat said, cutting her off, “We’re just glad you here in the first place.”
“Yeah…especially with these sandwiches,” The blue one with the rainbow mane added, helping herself to one, “After Pinkie’s brownies, I could use something…something…hey Twilight, what’s the opposite of “sweet”?”
“Sour?” the purple one asked as she moved over to make room for Fluttershy.
“No, not sour…the word for the not-dessert parts of a meal.”
“Oh! It’s “savory,” Rainbow,” the purple one replied
“Yeah, that.” rainbow pony nodded, taking a bite, “Those brownies were good, but man do they linger.” She took a sheepish look at the pink one, “oh…um, no offense Pinkie.”
“No problemo Dashie,” the pink one replied, tossing down a sandwich in one gulp, “a palate-cleanser is just the thing to make the next sweet even sweeter! Hey you know, since we had dessert already it’s like these sandwiches are dessert or” she gasped, “maybe they still count as lunch, so we can have second dessert!”
“Now Pinkie,” the prissy one admonished, “as much as everyone here adores your baking, it is entirely possible to have too much of a good thing…especially when it comes to dessert.”
The pink one’s eyes widened past dinner plates, “Too much dessert? Blasphemy!”
The prissy one looked at the pink with flat eyes, “Your metabolism is the envy of Ponyville.” She deadpanned, “Care for some grape juice Fluttershy?”
And on that note I left them to their gossip. I mean, they’re all nice ponies and everything but there’s only so much girl-talk a guy can stand—especially in the state I was in. I found most of my “playmates” not too far away from the picnic. I considered a moment which critter would be the best one to kill the hour with.
Winona the dog was currently chasing Opalescence the cat around a tree…or vice versa, it was hard to tell with those two. Owlwysious, the avatar of silent winged murder, sat peacefully on an overhanging branch, unaware that Gummy the alligator (at least…I think he’s an alligator) was sneaking up behind him intent upon a practical joke of some kind. The final member of our little club, Tank, was nowhere to be seen.
“Hi Angel!” Winona barked.
“Hi Angel!” Gummy said as well—startling Owlwysious off his perch.
Opal leapt up the tree, and licked her paw a few times before gracing me with a nod
“Awww.” Winona whined at Opal, “it was just getting interesting…”
“Good day, all.” I replied, hopping up to where Winona now sat, “Did I miss anythin’ important?”
“Not really,” the great horned menace said as he settled back on his branch, “The usual ball games, and a few rounds of tag and—oh! Gummy lost at charades for once.”
“Hey!” Gummy snapped, “It’s not my fault you guys can’t tell Seurat from Sauron from Saran-wrap.”
“You just sat there Gummy,” Opalescence said, still a little breathless from her run, “How are we supposed to tell it apart from your normal sitting?”
“It’s a famous painting!” the alligator complained, “They did a musical about it and everything! It’s afternoon, we’re in a park, and I had my umbrella…it should have been obvious!”
“Ach, quit yer bellyachin’, all of ye.” I said, cutting the argument off before it can descend into a fight, “Ye can always have a rematch next week. Now, anyone know where Tank wandered off to?”
“Ooh!” Winona barked, “I know I know! He’s over by the fountain. Come’on! I’ll show you!” And off she ran.
I sighed and took off after her, “I know where the bloody fountain is ye stupid canine!” I shouted. Winona ignored me.
Like most dogs, Winona just liked the chance to move. It probably didn’t occur to her that just telling me would have been enough. It also didn’t occur to her that she was at least twice as fast as me in a dead sprint. So she not only made it to the fountain first, but doubled back to encourage me the rest of the way, “This way this way, come on! Almost there!”
“I can SEE it, ye great crazy beast!”
“Hurry, Tank’s just on the other side!”
It’s not like he’s goin’ anywhere I thought darkly.
“I found him I found him I found him!” Winona said, bouncing around in her exuberance.
“Yes, yes ye have,” I said, “Thank ye, Winona.”
“See ya Angel!” she said before speeding back to the tree.
I knocked on the tortoise shell currently floating several inches off the ground, “Hey, Tank, ye in there?” Whoever made that funny helicopter thing for him was a bloody genius.
The propeller on his back slowed and four stumpy feet touched ground. The tail came next, and finally the emerged the head of my old friend, the tortoise now known as Tank.
He smiled serenely at me and waited for the propeller blades to stop spinning before he actually spoke, “And where else would I be, Angel-san?” his voice had a raspy quality, like it hadn’t been used very often but he spoke with a careful deliberation that certainly lent credit to the wisdom of his species.
Of course having lived with him for a few years I knew that wisdom came mostly from knowing when to keep his mouth shut. Tank wasn’t all that old, as far as tortoises went and so the only koans he knew were the ones ice cream came in. Didn’t stop him from trying though, I would give him another decade or so before he really started dispensing knowledge like the tortoise sages of the Gallopagos. But right now, he was a good listener. And that’s really what I needed.
“I thought ye’d be muckin’ around inside yer own head as always, Tank.” I said, “Honestly I don’t know how ye get through the day without me there ta bring ye back ta reality.”
Tank made sure I was done before replying, “The day gets through itself whether I’m there to witness it or not.” He laughed, “Though I do find myself missing more sunrises than I would like without you there to wake me Angel-san.”
He smiled that serene smile of his, “They are quite spectacular from Rainbow-sama’s cloud house, the sunrises. Perhaps one day I could show you personally.”
I shook my head, “I’m afraid I’m going to have ta take your word for it, old friend. I cannae fly yet.”
“That is not so great a hurdle, Angel-san, the one called Twilight Sparkle is a master of the Arcane…walking on clouds is very possible. And who knows what the future holds? Mayhaps a “slumber-party” would be had, and Fluttershy-sama would bring you along…”
I give him a flat look, “The Mistress keeps me busy...especially when she’s away with friends.”
“Still?”
“More so.”
Tank nodded, understanding.
I sat down, Tank sat with me, and we watched the Girls chat from afar.
“I should be happy for her, ye know?” I broke the silence at last, “At least she has friends who she can spend some time with. But me,” I sighed, “I’m tied to the house.”
“What of Effortine, and Bela, and Hummingway?” Tank asked, “Are they not also your friends?”
“Oh aye, they are.” I replied, “But they’re tied to the house worse than I am…and sometimes a rabbit just has to run.”
A long silence from Tank.
Then, “Ah, now I see. Angel-san hears the call of spring.”
“Like the bloody whistle on the Pony Express.” I agreed.
“Have you expressed this to Fluttershy-sama?”
“How can I?” I replied angrily, “I can barely communicate with her on a “point and gesture” system. How am I going to tell her that “your precious baby Angel wants to go out and shag every doe in the Everfree? I literally can’t do it!”
Tank sighed, “I can see that you are troubled Angel-san, but yelling at me will not ease your troubles.”
“I know…” I admitted, “But yelling at you is about the only thing I can do.”
“Rabbits have a growing time of half a year. Did ye know that tank? Six or seven months after I was born I was ready to have kits of my own. Now, let’s compare it to how long I’ve been in Fluttershy’s care, shall we? Years, Tank, that’s how long I’ve known her. And she still treats me like an infant…even though the only one that needs babying around here is her.”
I found myself pacing without noticing when exactly I stood up, “It didn’t use ta be so bad. Back when she was still commuting from Cloudsdale, there was plenty of time to sneak away for a fun afternoon with a nice girl. But the Mistress is getting more and more reclusive as she gets older, and that means more and more tasks she sets to herself to keep busy...and more and more work for me. I dunnae have a moment’s peace! It’s a list, every day, sun up to sun down and when we finally do go to bed, it’s only to get up the next morning and do it all over again! She only goes out on errands or when a friend insists, her family never visits, and she works out of her home. Gaius, her work is her home.” I sighed and sat down again, “I jest don’t know what to do with her anymore. It’s like she’s tryin ta become one of those crazy cat ladies…only instead of cats, it’s a whole bloody zoo.”
Tank just sat there and listened to me vent and, in fact did not speak until my breathing had slowed back to a normal pace.
“Do not fret, Angel-san,” he said, “If things are as bad as you say, something will change…for something must. Fluttershy-sama cannot keep up that pace any more than you can.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” I grumbled, “the work energizes her somehow…”
“And it does not energize you?”
“Nay…the only part I really like is kicking them out. Either back into the forest or into the hooves of a different pony.”
Tank nodded, “So what does energize you, Angel-san?”
I gestured to the picnic, where Fluttershy sat laughing along with all her friends, a quiet smile on her face. “Her, mostly.” I admitted, ears falling in my face, “I jest want ta see her happy.”
“But did you not just say the work energizes her? Surely she must derive some happiness from…”
“I KNOW what I said!” I snapped, “and ye know tha’s not what I meant.” I sigh, take a few breaths and try to organize my thoughts better. “Fluttershy is a kind pony. Ye know that, I know that, the whole world know that. But where does most of tha kindness go? Straight into the gullets of the menagerie, that’s where. And how is she rewarded? With happy squawks and yips, sure, but at the end of the day it’s nothing but shite we both have to clean up. What if she falls sick? Will all those birds be able to care for her? Or will they fly away because no one could give them birdseed that day? What if the Caer burns down? Can the rodents build her a new one? Or will they just find other houses to infest? And what happens when I die Tank? Will she listen to Effortine the same way she listened to me? Or will she let that big heart of hers empathize her way into destitution?”
“Angel-san,” Tank interrupted for the first time that day, “you are mixing up two different issues. What does the state of the house have to do with you getting…erm…enjoying spring?”
“Everything, Tank,” I replied, “She needs me to be her strong right hand…at all times. Until I’m sure she can make do on her own or finds another who can do it better, I’ll not be leaving her side. It’s not good fer her ta be alone in that house. She needs more in her life…other ponies, other helpers. Ones who will see her kindness for what it is, and give it back tenfold.”
I felt Tank’s stumpy leg tap my shoulder, “You should not tear yourself up so, Angel-san. These things have a way of working out with time.”
I sighed, “Time does not solve my current dilemma or provide solutions fer the Mistress’ future ones. It’s sheer bloody-minded determination tha’ gets anythin’ done these days.”
“Perhaps, but determination without guidance is nothing but impota…”
“TWILIGHT GOT LAID LAST NIGHT!” The pink one’s screech cut through our conversation like a claymore.
Tank and I looked at each other, then we looked at the girls.
“Did you know they were old enough to be bedded?” I asked
“No.”
“Neither did I.”
“Maybe, it’s recent…”
We looked at each other again.
“I believe that conversation is suddenly relevant to our interests.” I said.
“Go Angel-san, and fill me in when I get there.” The tortoise started hobbling in the direction of the picnic blanket.
I, of course, was much faster than Tank and was halfway across the field before he had even got up to top speed. I tried to focus on the ponies’ conversation and hoped I didn’t miss too much.
“Pinkie! That was sarcasm,” The purple one said, hoof to face. “I didn’t actually want you to “tell the whole park,” I was implying that you were being too loud with sensitive information in the first place.”
The pink one’s eyes got real wide, as she let out an “Ohhhhh,” of understanding, “Oopsy.”
“Pinkie Pie!” the prissy one exclaimed, “You just blurted out one of a mare’s most intimate moments for anypony to hear—“Oopsy” is not going to cut it.”
I skidded to a halt next to Fluttershy, who didn’t seem to notice me…so much the better.
“Now hold on there Rarity, it looks like there ain’t nopony here but us,” the blond said, “I think Twilight’s reputation will survive.”
“And besides,” the blue one said, “Even if the whole town knew, they’d probably all just get in a line for hoof-bumps. Hoof-bump by the way.” She held out a hoof and the purple one tapped it, “Now, DETAILS!”
The conversation degenerated from there.
“Yes dear, details,” the prissy one added, “Who was the lucky stallion?”
“Was he cute?”
“Did he take you out to dinner or something first?”
“Did he go down on you?”
“RAINBOW!”
“Just curious.”
“What happened the next morning?”
Fluttershy got in a, “Did it hurt?” before the purple one yelled, “GIRLS!”
Suddenly there was silence…well almost.
“…and then he was like, ‘Yes, Pinkie this chocolate is for you, but not to eat. Come over here and lie down…’” The pink one suddenly realized that no one else was talking, and gave a big sheepish grin before shutting up.
“I’m honored that you think my love life is worth hearing about.” The purple one began, “But I’m not sure I’m comfortable just laying it all out there so soon.”
“Aww come on Twilight, I told you about my first time.” The blue one pleaded
“So did I,”
“And me.”
“And mine too.”
Fluttershy just retreated into her mane.
The purple one looked less resolute, “Well…”
Four voices chorused, “Pleeease?”
The prissy one nudged Fluttershy with an elbow, “Oh…right, um…” My Mistress closed her eyes for a second before turning the full power of the Second Stare upon poor…whatever-her-name-was.
“Please?” she added quietly.
The purple one noticeably flinched under the onslaught of adorableness. She looked around like a trapped animal for a minute before hanging her head low. “…Fine.”
“YAY!!!”
What did I tell you, no force in Equestria could resist that kind of power.
“But promise me you won’t tell anypony else, I don’t want this all over town.”
“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Five voices this time.
The purple one seemed satisfied with that, and so she took a calming breath and began, “Okay, you all know Dr. Whooves, right?”
Pink one gasped, “The TIME LORD!?!”
“Pinkie…he’s not a Time Lord—whatever that is. His first name is “Hour-and-Minute”.”
“Hour-and-Minute Whooves huh?” The blond considered, “So…he’s a clockmaker?”
The pink one jumped in, “Ooh! Does he sit around all day and make faces?”
All of them groaned at that one.
The purple one returned her hoof to her forehead, “He’s a historian Pinkie. His doctorate is in history. He works in the mayor’s office. Surely somepony must have seen him there.”
“I’ve seen him there a few times,” The blond admitted, “he seems awful young to be a full blown doctor, though.”
“Well, his special talent is for remembering things—that probably helped him get through school.” The purple one continued, “That’s how we met actually. He remembered seeing a rare journal at the library back before I took over and he came by looking for it.” She giggled a bit, “It took us five hours to find that stupid book and three more to reshelf everything afterward.”
“And you did it right there on a pile of books?” the blue one asked.
“Rainbow…this was a month ago.”
“Well, when are you going to tell us about the sex?”
Aye, WHEN? I wondered. Fluttershy noticed me sitting there and she picked me to hold in her lap. I didn’t mind, it got me closer to the action.
“I’m getting there, Rainbow…anyway, he starting coming by more frequently after that. Always to borrow books, ostensibly. But we always ended up talking…for hours sometimes. When I mentioned that he spent more time talking to me than he did looking for books. He got a really sheepish look on his face and asked me out on the spot.”
“And you did it then?”
The purple one sighed, “No Rainbow, this was still two weeks ago.”
“Twilight!” The prissy one gasped, “You mean to say you’ve been dating this colt for two weeks and didn’t tell us!?!”
There was a murmur of “hey”s and “oh yeah”s.
The purple one’s back straightened, “But, I did tell you Rarity…remember that one day I came into the boutique all nervous and twitchy?”
The prissy one blinked, “Twilight, darling, you know I love you like a sister but that can describe you at least once every week…and sometimes twice if the weekend is really stressful.”
“Well he was why.” The purple one stated, “I went to you asking for advice on dating and you said to just try and have a good time regardless of the pony across the table. If he’s a gentlecolt he’ll make sure you do, and if he’s not…well, at least you got dinner out of it.”
All eyes turned to the white unicorn, “Did…did I really say that?”
“You did,” the Purple one nodded, “You were working on something at the time, you may have been a little distracted…something white with a lot of embroidery.”
“Oh! Fleur’s wedding gown!” the prissy one exclaimed, then looked around awkwardly “My goodness, I must have really been “in the zone” that day. I don’t remember you coming in at all. Did my advice help at least?”
“Well…yes and no. I was still a nervous wreck when he came by to pick me up, but as it turned out, so was he! I told him what you said and we had a good laugh. I wrote a letter to the Princess about it and everything.”
“So…you did it after dinner then, right?”
“No, Rainbow, we did not ‘do it’ after dinner. We had a couple more dates after that. Although I wouldn’t really call them “dates” other than we planned ahead and it was just the two of us. We went to a Museum, a couple lectures…that sort of thing. Honestly I was having such a good time that I completely forgot there were all sorts of fun things a mare and a stallion could be doing besides talking.”
“Twilight, how could you forget the best part?”
Here, she blushed, “Well, no offense Applejack but it’s been a long time since I’ve met someone who I didn’t have to “talk down” to. I mean, no offense to any of you, but every time Rainbow has to shake me out of “Egghead Mode” it reminds me that the way I talk isn’t accessible to everypony. But with Hour, I don’t have to worry about that. He…well, he understands me—better than anypony has in a long time.”
“Well shoot…” the blond stated, eyes wide, “Sounds like you’ve got yourself a real special somepony, Twi.”
“Yeah, Now would you just schtup him already?”
“I’m getting there, Rainbow! Jeez!” The purple one exclaimed, “Now, where was I?”
“Umm…” Fluttershy began, “somewhere between “he understands me,” and “all sorts of fun things,”.” She blushed.
“Oh right,” the purple one cleared her throat, “Well last night as we were walking back from the park we got so wrapped
up in our conversation we didn’t even notice the raindrops starting to fall until the storm was going full blast.”
“Ugh! Why doesn’t anypony check the almanac?” the blue one groaned, “We print them and hand them out every year so that this exact thing doesn’t happen!”
Four other ponies went, “Shhh!”
“We had to run.” The purple one continued, “His place was closer so that’s where we went. By the time we got under the eave, we were both soaked through.” She giggled again, “He looked like a drowned rat, and I’m pretty sure I looked no better. I told him as much, and he laughed, and that got me started. But when the laughter died down, suddenly there was this look in his eyes.”
Fluttershy’s hold on me tightened.
The purple one flushed, but this wasn’t an embarrassed sort of color. It was, more mature, somehow…
Don’t look at me like that, I can barely tell these ponies apart much less read their emotions. You’re lucky you’re getting anything.
“I asked him what was wrong. He said, and I quote, “Standing here? With the most beautiful mare in Ponyville? Why, nothing…nothing at all.” And then he leaned in, brushed the mane out of my eyes, and very calmly, very deliberately kissed me hard enough to make my tail curl.”
Five sets of eyes widened, and five mouths inhaled at the same time.
“It was, wow…I didn’t even know you could do that until he did it to me. I thought all those romance novels were exaggerating.” Her eyes half-closed at the memory, “All of sudden I remembered that he was a stallion a living breathing stallion and not just a portable library. I remembered that I was a mare and not just a bookworm. And I remembered we were two young healthy adults who had spent the last two weeks doing nothing but talk.”
Fluttershy hugged me tighter—tight enough that I couldn’t breathe.
“I started kissing him back—hard. We wrapped hooves around each other’s necks and tried to stay as close to each other all the way up the stairs to his apartment. I’m not sure if it looked more like a dance or a wrestling match. I don’t care honestly. I felt desired, and beautiful and wanted…and hungry. Hungry for something I didn’t even know existed until right then. I nearly blew the door off his apartment when he fumbled with the keys too long and then…and then well…”
Everyone leaned forward. I began tapping my paw against the Mistress’ hoof. Uncle already!
The purple one…no, Twilight’s face split into a big cheesy grin, “Five.”
Fluttershy dropped me in shock, and I let out a huge gasp for air.
“No way!”
“Pull the other one.”
“Impossible!”
“Pics or it didn’t happen!”
Everyone looked at the pink one.
“What?”
Fluttershy was nearly as pink as her friend, “But, but…how?”
The strange grin on Twilight’s face didn’t fade, “Fluttershy…have you ever heard the expression “well-read virgin”?”
My mistress’ eyes got even bigger, “Y-yes?” she squeaked.
“Well that applies, but I don’t think he was a virgin.”
Fluttershy blushed darker and hid behind her mane
“How could you tell, Twilight?” The blue one asked
“Well the open box of ‘Philip-of-Macedon’s was kind of a dead giveaway.”
“And is he?”
“Is he what?”
“A Mass-ed one.”
That got a round of giggles. Twilight sighed, “Rainbow, I’m not telling you the size of his…”
“Why noooot?” The blue one whined.
“Because I’m not, Rainbow, you’re just going to have to accept it.”
The blue pony crossed her arms and pouted, “You’re no fun Twi.”
“Heh, I can think of at least one feller that might disagree with you on that, Rainbow Dash.”
“Applejack I’m surprised at you!” the prissy one exclaimed, “From the sound of things there was no “might” about it.”
Everypony laughed at that.
“What happened this morning?” The pink one asked, “Didja have breakfast together?”
“Well no, he had to go into work,” Twilight admitted, “But he promised he’d stop by afterward and we’d…” she stopped as some realization made her pale, “omigosh, what time is it?”
Twilight lept to her feet and with a flashing of her glowing horn whipped the blanket out from under all of us. Somehow the food all stayed upright but the five ponies (and me) were whipped all topsy-turvy and most of us landed on our heads.
“Sorry to run girls, but, I’ve got to make sure everything is ready at the house.” She folded up the blanket in no time flat.
“Now hold on there, Twi.” The blond said, getting up, “Quittin’ time ain’t for another couple hours yet.”
“I know that…but the Mayor keeps much shorter hours than anypony else. Hour is usually off by mid-afternoon.” She said looking around frantically, “Now where’d Owlwysious go?”
I looked over to the tree where I had last seen him, but the bird of terrible rodent fates was nowhere in sight. That was odd. He was usually pretty good about staying in one spot.
“Oh, he can find his own way home…he’s done it before.” Twilight said before she broke into a gallop. Turning as she ran, she waved goodbye, “See you later everypo—oof!”
…and promptly crashed into somepony else.
The pony in question was a dapper brown colt with an hourglass cutie-mark and a familiar brown owl sitting contently on his back.
“Is that?” Fluttershy asked.
“HOUR!” Twilight gasped.
“I reckon it is.” The blond deadpanned.
“Ow,” The colt said, shaking the stars out of his eyes, “Hey Twilight…Spike said I might run into you here.”
The colt had a distinct Trottingham accent that made him sound both sophisticated and eccentric. So I couldn’t quite tell if he was joking, or had meant that sincerely and had missed the pun entirely. But by the gleam in his eye, I was willing to bet on the former.
“Omigosh, Hour, are you alright?” Twilight said.
“Never better” the colt smiled, “I can think of better ways to great one’s special somepony though…like this for example.”
It wasn’t much of a kiss as kisses went, neither long nor deep nor hungry, but between those two ponies, there was such electricity that you would have to be blind to miss it. I felt my own temperature go up and I wasn’t even the same species.
As the colt backed away and began to say something urbane, Twilight threw a hoof around him and drew him back for something much more substantial.
“Whoo yeah! You go stud!”
“Rainbow Dash will you be quiet!” Somepony hissed…and I nearly fell over when I realized it was Fluttershy doing the hissing. Her friends were equally surprised, with the pink one staring in open mouthed shock. I ignored them and focused on my mistress. There was something important here…if I could only put my paw on it.
She sat there, watching the pair make out, like it was the climax of some grand romantic drama. There were tears forming at the corners of her eyes. Her forehoofs wringing over each other, looking for something to hug (I stayed AWAY from those this time around). Her wings were even twitching…why it was almost like…
Like she was living through her friend…
That was it…that was the solution to my problem…and Fluttershy’s as well.
Twilight and her friend finally broke tore themselves away from each other and joined the others to begin introductions. But none of that concerned me. I sat there, statue still, my mind whirling with all the possibilities that one little shout and that one little glance meant from my little pony.
“Angel-san!” Tank said as shambled up, breathing heavily, “What did I miss?”
“Not now, Tank.” I said holding up a paw, “I think I’ve just had an epiphany.”
“What sort of epiphany, Angel-san?” Tank asked, confused.
“One that will solve all my problems at once,” I said with a manic grin. “Fluttershy needs to get laid.”
“Whaa?!?!” Tank gaped at me like I’d gone insane.
“It’s so obvious I canna believe I didn’t see if before.” I explained, standing up, “If the lass is not living for herself then she’s livin’ fer all critters she cares for. And through them. She does nae go out because she’s “satisfied” with what she’s doin’.”
“Wait…wait,” Tank said, head following me as I paced, “You are going too fast Angel-san.”
I ignored him, “But it’s nae enough, so she’s always increasing the amount of care she gives. But what she should be doing looking for other sources. You know, trying new things, going new places, and meeting new ponies. And having a coltfriend would force her to do just that—among other things Stallions are good for.”
“But Angel-san…how will she get a stallion if she never goes out in the first place?”
“Simple,” I said, “we’ll bring them to her.”
Tank spluttered, “You would become her matchmaker then?”
“Nothin’ so formal, old friend…I’ll just search out a decent-looking colt and push the two together at the right moment.”
“And how would that solve your problem?”
I stopped and gave him a flat look, “If she even spends one hour a day with a colt. That’s enough time for me to find and bed four does, at least.”
Tank blinked, “Angel-san, I am not sure this is the best…”
“Ach, save your worryin’ until there’s somethin’ ta worry about.” I snapped, “We’ll figure out all the details later. Right now we have an outline…and by next week, I’ll have a plan.”
“Angel?” Fluttershy squeaked, “It’s time to go…”
And sure enough the ponies were packing up. Twilight and her colt were already half way to the park entrance.
“You too, Tank, we gotta motor.” The blue one added stretching her wings.
Tank sighed, and started his propeller, “I really hope you know what you’re doing, Angel-san, I see many ways that this will end poorly.”
I grinned, “True, but there is at least one way this will end well, and that’s more than I could hope for this morning.”
“Come on, Angel…let’s go home.” Fluttershy said.
I quickly grabbed the sandwich plate and hopped onto her back.
“Well…the Doctor seemed nice.” She said as we flew, “I wonder how the mice are doing?”
Dear Celestia, I have GOT to get this girl out more.