Rainbow Dash wrote a diary-poem wich talks about her feelings after Tank's death
After Tank died, Rainbow Dash started to wrote a poem/diary, describing every single detail and feeling that she had, and suicide is the only way that Dashie thought that would help her for find Tank.
Rated Teen because: suicide, swearing, depression
Also, for reading/dramatic reading, here you have the soundtrack
I never saw this coming... Tank is dead and I'm here doing nothing... Thinking how I could help to rescue him Darkness gets his soul and I... I cry all the time, I try to go back... But it's impossible Tank died as my brain, No more Wonderbolts or Rock N Roll for me... I'm in a way that the certain suicide is the best chance...
To Celestia I pray... For getting the soul of Tank away from Hell The Devil will took us all at the end... Unless I end my life now... I will cut my rainbow tail... Cut my hooves and ears... And watch the blood in the bathroom As I die with suffering with pain I think I need a friend...
Even though, I'm dead inside My veins are getting black And the radio is playing DSBM I think more in suicide It would take my pain And find Tank in heaven But it is an waste of time I think Watching myself dying Just because I can't take the pain
The depression is getting more agressive My brain has a World War in I think I'm having deadly times now In the bathroom, I'm now Watching what I'm going to do... Korn is reading all my pain Passed 3 days since... Since my friend died... I didn't went out of home...
My friends are getting afraid They think that I will be dead And they will cry for me... But they didn't cried for Tank... And I scream with they I'm a f*****g monster... I need really to cut myself And watch the blood hit the ground DSBM is controling me...
Oh Celestia, how I wanted a bomb in my face... I really need somepony to wash of my tears The radio is playing the dark music I really need somepony to love Tank's death leave me an empty place in my mind That no one understands or thinks I need to watch my brain and vital organs Go out of my body in a bloody ritual As I cut my flank and wings...
The music is still dark and depressing DSBM and Korn are still taught me some things... I feel that I start to like this pain that I hated No one and nothing sees me during this five long weeks I feel such a b***h just for looking at the window I neee to close myself from this world Some rituals I do to Tank's soul Giving my veins blood to him Now I think that I really need to kill myself
It is 3AM, I can't sleep I'm lonely and with cold But I'm fine with that Because someday Someday, I will kill myself
I decided to rub up my ideas I left home for a walk in the park I was with fear that somepony noticed my depression Pinkie saw me and started to run at me: "Hey Dashie! How are you since Tank's..." "Stop right now, I'm fine Pinkie" It is so hard to lie to my friends... "Dashie, me and Twilight are making a lunch in the park Want to go with us?"
I said yes to Pinkie, in fact I wouldn't said no to her She guide me to the lunch zone of the park Twilight and Rarity were preparing everything "Hi Darling, how are you dear?" "I'm fine, Rarity, it is hard to me but I stay strong" "Glad that you are fine Dash" Says Twilight We started to eat AJ and Fluttershy join us sometime after It was hard to swallow all that lies I created...
It was more harder to fake my smile I started sweating with fear of noticing my sadness But Twilight saw me sweating.... "Are you really fine Rainbow...?" "Yeah sugarcube, you look terrible!" After AJ saying that... I've lost all my soul "Hum... I'm fine girls... It is just hot here, nothing more" "But Dashie! It is Winter and is only 13 C° here" Pinkie Pie is smart... I'm in a big mess
"Rainbow, if there something you need to talk, We're here to listen all you have inside..." Fluttershy is a kind mare, but I lied to all.... I lied to myself just for hidding the true me... "Damn! I'm fine! I thinked that I said this more than a thousand times!" I was in desesperation and sadness at the same time... But I decided to run away from the park I lifted flight and I went to my house Twilight started to persecue me...
"Rainbow Dash! Why are you flying so fast!" "Twilight stop! I just need a time for myself!" "But... you aren't fine!" I stopped flying and started to cry... "No... I lied to you... I lied to my friends... I lied to me..." "Dash... I can help you, Only if you told me the truth!" I was... shocked...
"I need a time to myself, Twilight..." "Ok Dash, if you need something, go to me!" "Ok, bye Twilight" I entered in my house and started to cry in my bed...
I'm a selfish pony... I need help but I don't want I can't take the pain alone or with my friends... Suicide is the only... choice...
A lucid dream I had It was Tank talking with me The dream was shining and lightly Tank's voice was so sweet... So sweet as Pinkie's cake And he whispered at me: "Dashie, don't be so harsh on yourself, I really miss you and your friends, Come with me and we will be together forever..."
I wake up sweating and crying Tank never talked in his life It was a dream, but so true Again I'm losing sleep I took this pills for dream again But the dreams will cause more pain Should I kill myself and go to Tank? Or should I living with this pain forever? This is my grimdark quest...
My head is cracked up As the pain dominates all of my body The bubbles of my tears are evaporating I scream louder and crying: "Tank! If you are earing me, I miss you! I need you!" Again, I put thinking in my quest Also, it is more probable that I will kill myself Than I survive with this pain...
Oh Luna, don't send me more dreams My mind is full of sadness and toughts... I need more DSBM and Radiohead for my radio... I really wanted to save them from those bastards The Winter killed us all and the Summer will kill me more I scream again to the heavens: "Tank! I will kill myself! Just for having you in my arms!"
I woke up, it is 2AM The sound of the annoying clock is bothering me... I will get my gun or my knife And I will pointing at my head...
The only thing I want Is hugging Tank So I shall pull the trigger And end this all now
At 5AM, Rainbow Dash is found dead by a bullet in the head Near her body is found a paper with a poem
I opened my eyes I was in the post-death I did it, now I need to find Tank! Waled through the blinding lights Then I found the Gates of Heaven I walked in the gate What I found was an empty place Without ponies or Tank... So I started to run to the horizont It was really a big and lightly place Zone where the lost ponies souls goes I thinked that me Rainbow Dash Would found nothing here... But then...
I saw other light! And with the light, a green figure I watch I run to the green shadow "Tank it is you?" I started to cry with joy! The shadow cames to me and... It was Tank! I was so happy for watching him Also, after this longs weeks... I finally could hug him..
I was so happy for finding Tank Now I'm feeling a better pony And the pain is reduced to ashes I looked at him and he looked at me I said: "Finaly, I found you!" Tank looked at me and smiled This was really needed for me The suicide was really important I am not feeling pain anymore...
Tank guied me to heaven I went blind in that time The lights were so beautiful... Tank with a smile said: "You need to go Dashie... Your friends miss you". I said to Tank, crying: "But I need you! I will have this empty space in my heart"
I hugged Tank and I cry "Why I can't be here with you?!" Tank smiled to me and said "Because death isn't made by ponies, Is natural and all will pass by this... Go now; your friends miss you." I really started to think about my friends They could be sad or depressed like me... And also they would kill theirselfs...
An empty light started to plump It was showing me the way to live Tank looked at it and said: "Well it is your time to go" I hugged Tank again and I said crying; "When I can see you again?" Tank smiled again and said: "When you die naturally" I washed off my tears and hug again Tank
So in the Gate of Life I was Tank was looking at me with a smile I looked at him crying... I will miss him very but really very much But my friends will miss me too... And they will do the same as me. So I jumped in the Gate And then I come to life! And I started to breathe again...
And the girls looked at me It was my funeral All were socked and amazed My mother ran to me to hug me. Twilight and Fluttershy tarted to cry with joy "You're alive" said Twilight, "How?" And I answer crying "Heaven was a lightly place but Tank taught me that I was too young to die"
Twilight grabed me and smiled "I'm so glad that you are alive and fine" "Yeah now I'm fine, Dashie is fine!" Now I knew that I was fine!
So I decided to continue to write the poem The poem of my depression The poem of when I found Heaven The poem that ended in this verse
