When chaos returns to Ponyville can Twilight save the day?
Chaos engulfs Ponyville forcing Twilight to again save the day. However as the madness grows and grows the unicorn may find it impossible to save even herself...
A stupid random story I dreamed up in a stupor. Please don't read this seriously. I wrote it to be silly and bad.
I read Face the Strange (Please don't look it up), watched the entire Bobobo series and then began writing this at 4 AM, there you've been warned)
Twilight sat in her library tree house casually reading a book. This is the life, she thought. The birds were singing and everything seemed beautiful. Ponyville was totally peaceful. Nothing could ruin this pleasant Monday morning Twilight mused. However just as she enjoyed that sentiment, Spike and Rarity walked into the library.
The tiny dragon ran in holding a large rock in his hands. “Twilight! Twilight!” Spike sang with joy. “So Rarity and I were on a date and-”
“Ehem,” the white unicorn interrupted. “Spike we were out gem hunting. It was most certainly not a date!”
Spike shot Rarity an annoyed look before continuing. “So Rarity and I were on a date!” Rarity facehoofed. “And we found this awesome rock!” Spike held up before Twilight’s face a giant D-shaped rock. Twilight’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “Pretty cool eh?”
The purple mare jumped from where she sat and began to teleport frantically around the room. “Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!” Spike and Rarity stared at their friend’s display in utter confusion.
At this point Twilight opened the book Obscure Unicorn History and Folklore and was quickly flipping through the pages. “Spike do you know what you guys just found?!” Twilight screamed.
Spike scratched his head. “Well no, that’s why we came to ask you.”
Twilight levitated the book over to where Rarity and Spike could see it. “You guys found the legendary Orb of Modnar!”
Rarity looked confused. “Pardon me did you say the Orb of Modnar?”
Twilight was sweating bullets as she flew the book back to read it. “It says here that long ago when Discord was defeated by Princess Celestia and Luna that he concealed a portion of his chaotic power into a single magic orb. The orb was lost to time, but the book says if it ever were to return the very fabric of Equestria would be destroyed!”
“Well thank Celestia we found it and came to you Twilight,” Rarity said with a smile. “I bet you can diffuse this little problem in no time.”
Twilight momentarily calmed down to enjoy the compliment. “You’re right Rarity. As long as we’re careful nothing bad should happen.”
“Hay guys check this out,” Spike said. The unicorns turned to face him. The tiny dragon had found a button on the back of the D-shaped rock. “There’s a button on the orb thingy!”
“Spike don’t you dare press that!” Twilight fumed.
“Yes darling,” Rarity said as she took the rock from Spike. “We can’t simply give into temptation and press buttons. I mean what would life be like if everypony gave into…” Rarity’s eyes widened as she stared the large enticing red button. “The allure of breaking the rules. The majesty of staying above the law! Oh the drama! Oh the mystery of challenging the unknown! Comparable only to the most forbidden of fruits! Pressing this button! Oh!” Rarity closed her eyes and slammed her hoof on the button much to the enjoyment of Spike and the anger of Twilight. Within moments of being pressed the D-shaped rock vanished into thin air.
Twilight grabbed Rarity. “What is wrong with you?! I told you not to press that button!”
“Sorry Twilight,” Rarity whimpered. “I just couldn’t help myself!”
Twilight let Rarity go as she looked around the room. “Where did the Orb go?! Ohh! We have no idea what could happen now!”
Spike took a few looks around. “Ah Twilight maybe nothing will happen.” Just as Spike said that, a huge sound was heard from outside. The trio rushed out the door to see that all the roads in Ponyville had transformed into solid gold. Spike sighed. “I stand corrected.”
Twilight started looking around frantically. The orb was nowhere to be seen. Rarity was drooling on the golden street while Spike was desperately trying to break off some of the gold with his tail. “Alright guys,” Twilight said calmly. “We need to find the Orb of Modnar before something horrible happens.”
“Are you kidding Twilight?” Rarity said while wiping away her drool. “Darling the roads are gold!”
“That’s not all!” The trio looked around to find the source of the voice which happened to be Rainbow Dash. The blue pegasus flew down in front of them. She had pink frosting all over her face.
“Rainbow Dash what’s with your face?” Twilight asked.
The pegasus lit up. “You guys won’t believe it! Rainbow Dash squeed. All the clouds in Ponyville are now cotton candy!” The trio looked directly up to see that every cloud in the sky was now pink. Numerous pegasi could be seen shoving their faces into the various clouds.
“That’s terrible!” Twilight cried. “Doesn’t that mean all the weather is cancelled?!”
“Yeah,” Dash cheered. “Not only can I eat cotton candy all day, but I’m also on break! See ya later!” And with that the blue pegasus flew off into the nearest cloud. Loud munching sounds ensued.
“This is a nightmare,” Twilight groaned.
“Why Twilight?” Spike asked. “Everything seems fine so far.”
Twilight turned to her assistant and glared. “We have no more weather which means, within a few months we’ll all surely die! Is that fine to you!”
Just then a new voice could be heard as well as the sound of fast paced stomping. Twilight looked in the direction of the commotion to see Applejack. The orange pony skidded to a stop in front of Twilight. Her face was wet with sweat and body was covered in paper cuts.
“Twilight ya gotta help me!” The farm pony begged.
“Applejack what happened to you?” The purple mare answered.
“All mah apples,” Applejack began to sob. “It’s just so awful.”
Twilight embraced AJ. “What’s wrong Applejack? Please tell me!”
Applejack wiped the tears from her face. “It’s mah apples Twilight. Somthin plum crazy happened to em!”
Twilight grew impatient. “What happened to your apples AJ?!”
“They up and turned into lawyers!” Applejack cried.
Suddenly a huge stampede could be heard. The group turned to see a herd of ponies with glasses and briefcases descending on Ponyville. The lawyer pony’s each began giving out their card and telling the townsfolk about their qualifications.
Applejack burst into tears again. “Mah apples! Mah sweet sweet innocent apples!”
Twilight grabbed Applejack in a tight hug “Now listen up AJ! You can’t break down now! You planted each and every one of those apples! That means they have to listen to you!”
Applejack took a moment to think. “Yer…yer right!”
“Oh course I’m right,” Twilight agreed pompously. “Now here.” Twilight teleported a pair of glasses onto Applejack. “I hereby declare you head of the Sweet Apple Law Firm.” Applejack’s cutie mark suddenly transformed from threes apples into a pile of money. “Now go control those lawyers!”
Applejack grew confident. “I’m on it!” AJ ran off and convinced the lawyers to return to the farm for a mandatory staff meeting. The lawyer herd followed the orange pony as they hurried out of town.
“Well that’s taken care of for now,” Twilight sighed.
“Quick thinking Twilight,” Spike laughed.
“Yes darling,” Rarity cheered. “You did beautifully.”
“Whatever,” the purple mare responded. “We’ve got to find the Orb of Modnar now!”
“Well well well. Looks like somepony’s crusing for a brusing!”
The trio recognized the threat from its timid voice. Fluttershy had appeared. Though at this time she had her arms crossed and was staring down on her “friends” with a clear malice. For this not their beloved Fluttershy, oh no, it was… ASSERTIVESHY!
“Fluttershy thank Celestia you’re here,” Twilight cried. “You see we really need your help finding the or-” Fluttershy stuck her hoof in Twilight’s mouth.
“If somepony starts talking shit, it’s your job to help them quit,” Fluttershy growled.
Twilight drew back. “Fluttershy! That’s! That’s not like you!”
“Twilight,” Rarity whimpered.
“What is it Rarity?” Twilight said returning to the story.
“I think Fluttershy has become hyper assertive like she did a few months ago,” Rarity said.
Twilight stomped the ground. “And where was I when that happened?!”
“Darling I don’t know you weren’t in that show!” Rarity cried. Then she covered her mouth in shame. The rhyming Fluttershy employed had become contagious.
Meanwhile Fluttershy had grown tired of not rhyming. “Hay!” The trio all turned to face the badass “New” Fluttershy. “You ignore me.” The yellow pegasus entered a combat pose. “I break your knee.”
Spike and Rarity both started to cower, but Twilight would have none of it. “There’s no time for this!” She yelled. “We’ve got to find the Orb of Modnar now!” We can’t waste time dealing with Psychoshy here!”
“Oh I’m a psycho huh?” Fluttershy flew over and punched Twilight in the stomach. The purple was tossed through the air and crashed into her house. Luckily during the last five minutes Twilight’s house had magically transformed into jello so she easily endured the hit. Fluttershy grinned maliciously. “You mess with the Shy, I’ll make you cry!”
“Twilight are you ok?!” Rarity and Spike screamed in unison.
Twilight picked herself up and glared at her attacker. Then she took a deep breath and turned to Spike. “Ok number 1 assistant, go distract her.”
Spike froze up. The screen around him turned blue. His face was left dumbfounded. “Are you crazy Twilight? She’ll kill me!”
Twilight’s horn glowed and magic enveloped Spike. Within moments he was flying head first toward “New” Fluttershy. The enraged yellow pegasus got her fists ready as she spouted another battle rhythm. “Fuck with this tree, and death you’ll see!”
“I’d really rather not!” Spike screamed. A dust cloud erupted as Fluttershy began to pound Spike.
“Oh poor Spiky-Wiky!” Rarity cried. “We’ve got to save him!”
“There’s no time,” Twilight said as her grabbed Rarity’s hoof and ran off. As the pair looked back on the rare sight of Fluttershy pummeling Spike, they both felt a strange mix of pity and hunger.
A few miles later Twilight and Rarity stopped running. The unicorns had grown tired of fleeing Fluttershy and now needed a moment to rest. The town had undergone many strange and of course random changes since the morning. Homes turned into eggplants. Trees became bendy straws. And most notably the sky turned from blue to more of teal. Twilight pounded the ground in frustration.
“How are we going to find that Orb?!” Twilight yelled.
Rarity was still looking back the way they came. “I hope Spike’s ok.”
“Look Rarity,” Twilight said coldly. “I didn’t want to sacrifice Spike, but we need to find that Orb now!”
Rarity shot Twilight an accusatory glance. “He loved me! He loved me and I! I left him to… OH HOW COULD I LEAVE HIM!” Rarity burst into tears as Twilight sighed and turned around.
“Can anything else go wrong?” The purple mare groaned.
OH LOOK! IF IT ISN’T TWILIGHT SPARKLE!” A loud voice screeched.
Twilight looked up to see Princess Luna descending from the cotton candy filled sky. The dark blue alicorn had landed in front of Twilight and gave her mischievous grin.
“Um hi Princess Luna,” Twilight said awkwardly. “What are you doing here?”
“WE ARE GETTING MORE SCREENTIME! THAT’S WHAT WE’RE DOING HERE!” The alicorn shouted causing Twilight to be blown back by the sound of her voice. Clearly the Orb of Modnar had returned her to her royal Canterlot phase.
“Princess Luna,” Twilight said suddenly growing some balls. “We really don’t have time for you right now.”
Luna scowled. “OH OF COURSE! NOPONY EVER HAS TIME FOR LUNA! SHE GETS ONE EPISODE EACH SEASON AND THAT’S MORE THAN ENOUGH! TIS A FARCE OF THE HIGHEST CALIBER! WE DESERVE MORE TIME FOR OUR LEGION OF APOSTLES! I MEAN CAN’T YOU WRETCHES HAVE A LEAST ONE ADVENTURE AT NIGHT FOR A CHANGE? AT LEAST ONE! THEN WE COULD APPEAR AND SAVE THE DAY! BUT NO! LUNA NEVER GETS TO SAVE THE DAY! ALL WE GET IS 3 LINES IN THE WEDDING EPISODE! WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?!”
Twilight had no clue what Luna was talking about. However the alicorn continued to loudly complain destroying Twilight’s eardrums in the process. The purple mare thought fast and jumped over to Rarity. “Listen Rarity. I need you to distract Luna so I can go find the Orb of Modnar.”
“Oh but Twilight darling I can’t!” Rarity whimpered.
“Why not?!” Twilight asked. “All you need to do is gun her hair style or something. Nopony guns fashion like you Rarity!”
“But’s that just it Twilight!” Rarity cried. “My power over fashion has vanished!”
“What?!” Twilight looked over at Rarity’s flank and saw that her diamond cutie mark was gone. Rarity’s cutie mark was now a disco ball.
The outside pathway suddenly transformed into a black sparkling dancehall. Rarity took center stage as she magically spun a disco ball. The white unicorn then began to dance a strange old-Timmy dance that left Twilight uncomfortable, but seemed to excite Luna.
“OHH A DISCO PARTY?! YOU HAVE THOSE AT NIGHT RIGHT? YES! FINALLY A CHANCE TO FROLIC WITH THE MAIN CAST!” Luna joined Rarity dancing under the magically floating disco ball. Twilight stared in confusion and disgust for a few minutes before finally ditching the pair.
Twilight had wandered out of Ponyville and saw the true nightmares that had occurred. Earth ponies were flying, pegasi were scuba diving, and unicorns were living in poverty! This was more than the young mare could handle. She fell to the ground which was currently made of macaroni and sighed. By this point Twilight’s hair was getting really messy and as we all know, the messier Twilight’s hair gets the more insane she becomes.
However as Twilight looked up at the teal colored sky, she was puzzled to see something new. There was a bar floating a few inches above her head. “What’s this?” Twilight said to now pony in particular.
“Oh Twilight my good friend, that is one bar you must not expend!”
Twilight could recognize that annoying voice anywhere. She looked straight ahead to see Zecora. “Oh it’s you. Please tell me Zecora that you know where the Orb of Modnar is.”
The weird zebra shook her head causing Twilight to grow more depressed. “Of your orb I know not a thing, but of this bar its secrets I can sing!”
“Fine,” Twilight moaned. “What’s this bar floating over me?”
Zecora readied to launch another rhythm. “This bar as it grows more red, shall show if your reason is truly dead!”
“I don’t follow,” Twilight answered.
“My dear if you allow this bar to become a single color pane, then Twilight you will have gone insane!”
“Aghh!” Twilight groaned. “Why Zecora? Why do you always speak in rhythms?!” Twilight stormed off, the bar following her grew redder with each step.
As Twilight wandered around the suddenly turquoise countryside, her sanity bar began to peak. Her hair was totally disheveled and her body was covered in scratches. Then it hit Twilight. A brilliant plan to finally end this debacle. “I’ll just cast the Want it Need it spell on everypony I see and have them find the Orb for me!” Twilight trembled with joy as she heard somepony approaching.
Applejack ran over to Twilight and again skidded to stop in front of her. “Twilight I got good news an bad news!” Twilight stared deep into AJ’s soul as the farm pony spoke. “The good news is I got all the lawyers in line, but the bad news it there’s some bad touchin harassment thingy and I need your he-” Twilight placed her hoof in Applejack’s mouth.
“Say no more Applejack,” Twilight said. “I know how to help you.” Twilight’s horn began to glow as a pink heart flew towards AJ. The ill-intentioned heart collided with Applejack’s face and just like that Applejack was in love with Twilight.
“Hay, um Twilight yer lookin mighty fetchin today,” Applejack said with a huge blush.
“There’s no time for that now AJ,” Twilight cried. “I want you to tell the lawyers to start analyzing the outbreaks of random to see if there’s a surplus anywhere. If we can find the highest level of random in Equestria maybe we’ll find the Orb!”
“Don’t worry Sugarcube I already got it covered,” Applejack said with a smile. The farm pony then pulled out from her saddlebag a strange compass. “Ah found this on the way here. It’s a randometer!”
Twilight grabbed the device from her lover’s hoofs. “This is perfect! Let’s go!” The pair of ponies took off in the direction of the nearest source of random.
Twilight and Applejack stopped in front of Sugarcube Corner. Twilight shook the randometer in fury. “What’s with this thing?!” As the purple mare punished the machine, the bakery’s doors opened and Pinkie Pie bounced out in front of them. The randometer began to emit smoke the closer Pinkie got to it. Twilight and Applejack both ate the bitter pill of enlightenment as the machine finally overloaded.
“Hay guys?” Pinkie chuckled. “Is it just me or does Ponyville feel a bit different today?”
As Pinkie said this baked goods inside Sugarcube corner marched out holding up signs of protest. The deserts wandered off down the long solid gold road as the three ponies looked on with both confusion and inspiration.
Twilight again dropped to the ground. “This is hopeless.”
“Ah,” Pinkie said leaning close. “What’s wrong Twilight?”
The unicorn looked up at Pinkie with absolutely no confidence. “Well Pinkie the Orb of Modnar has doomed Ponyville to Discord level chaos and I have no clue how to solve it!”
A wheel turned in the biological funhouse that represented Pinkie’s brain. “Did you say Discord level chaos?”
“Yeah,” Twilight moaned.
“So there might be chocolate rain again?!” Pinkie was smiling insanely.
“Well the clouds are already cotton candy so it’s probably just a matter of time,” Twilight whined.
Pinkie started to bounce around the street corner. “Woo! I can’t wait! I love chocolate rain! I need it!” Twilight and Applejack looked on in confusion. Neither of them knew how much chocolate rain had touched Pinkie Pie’s heart.
Twilight’s sanity meter, which had lessened during the run with Applejack, again grew red. “Darn it Pinkie! We need to stop the chaos! Not eat it!”
Pinkie stopped bouncing and shot Twilight a death glare that made the mare recoil. “Sorry Twilight,” Pinkie said as she pulled a katana from off screen. “But there’s no way I’m letting cancel my daily dose of chocolate rain!”
“Pinkie what are you doing?!” Twilight said while taking a step back.
“I’m going to stop you from ruining my chocolate rain Twilight,” the pink pony chuckled. “It’s not personal or worsenal pal, I just really need chocolate rain back in my life.” Pinkie had momentary lapse in thought when all she remembered the sensation of chocolate rain. Then she re-focused and pointed the sword at Twilight. “Nopony’s gonna stop me Twi!”
“Darn it, Twilight said in an inner monologue. “If I try to let Applejack fight Pinkie, she’ll just follow me due to the Want Need it spell. And there’s no way I’m gonna fight Pinkie like this. She has a sword for Celestia’s sake! What can I do? If only I had more time to think!”
In order to give Twilight some extra time to think, we now return to the battle in progress Fluttershy versus Spike. The combatants were engaged in an epic stare down. Spike’s body was covered in bruises while Fluttershy had sustained absolutely no damage at all. The battle seemed hopeless for Spike. The dragon’s only thoughts were, hmm maybe if I keeping standing here menacingly she’ll never make the first attack. Unfortunately Fluttershy busted out another battle rhythm.
“You make me wait!” The pegasus jumped forward at Spike. “I’ll seal your fate!” Fluttershy was flying at her opponent with a record-breaking (For her at least) 3.0 wingpower! Spike had to think fast or risk certain doom.
I’ve got it! Spike thought. I’ll just use my fire to teleport her to Princess Celestia! Spike shot off a burst of fire at Fluttershy. However the hyper assertive pony was prepared for just this type of attack.
“If somepony tries to make you burn, make sure their spine gets turned!” And with that Fluttershy flew straight up dodging Spike’s fire. As the dragon’s attack ran out Fluttershy flew down and stomped him into the ground. Spike slowly shook at conveniently placed white flag and the battle was over.
Meanwhile another battle was raging in Ponyville. Rarity and Luna were still dancing under the disco ball for what had now been 2 hours. Rarity was getting woozy. There was no way she could boogie for much longer. Her opponent noticed this weakening and quickly assailed her.
“SO YOU’RE GIVING IN ARE YE? HA! ONCE WE DEFEAT YOU RARITY, WE’LL TAKE YOUR SPOT ON THE SHOW! THEN EVERYPONY WILL GO TO LUNA FOR ALL FASHION RELATED EMERGENCIES! HAHAHAHAHAHA!” While yelling this Luna continued her brilliant dancing, Rarity could barely shake her money maker. There was no hope left.
“Twilight darling,” Rarity whimpered. “I’m sorry I failed you.” Rarity’s horn gave out and then both she and the disco ball fell to the ground.
Luna stood proudly over her fallen rival. “YES! WE LUNA ARE THE DISCO QUEEN!”
With nothing else to report other than how Rainbow Dash gained 10 pounds from eating cotton candy we now return to Twilight’s own battle with Pinkie.
“Shoot there’s no way I can defeat Pinkie,” Twilight lamented.
“Now wait a second here Sugarcube,” Applejack cut in. “Can’t you just cast a spell on Pinkie to make er fall asleep or something?”
Twilight shot AJ a glare. “No Applejack. Pinkie’s brain is too random for my magic to affect it. None of my conventional spells can stop her.”
“Okie dokie lokie,” Pinkie laughed. “So you wanna give up?”
Twilight stood tall. “No it means I need to use one of my more UNCONVENTIONAL spells to defeat you Pinkie!” Both Earth ponies stared at Twilight as her horn lit up. Suddenly Rainbow Dash appeared in front of her. Her stomach had a bulge from eating too much candy.
“Hay what gives?” Rainbow Dash whined. “I was on my 8th cloud!”
Twilight turned oddly serious. “Now I’m going to use the Forbidden Ultimate Friendship Union spell! Also known as the F.U.F.U. move!”
Pinkie scratched her head. “What’s that?”
Twilight grinned. “It’s one of the most powerful spells I stole from the archives. It allows me to fuse my body with another pony if our friendship is strong enough. Then we transform into a whole new pony! This new pony is called an origin creation or OC!” Twilight turned and pointed her horn at Rainbow Dash’s s tummy. “Now watch firsthand as I combine with Rainbow Dash to defeat you Pinkie!”
“Don’t I get a say in this?” Rainbow Dash begged.
“No,” Twilight responded.
“Wait Twi!” Applejack interrupted.
“What is it AJ?!” Twilight answered impatiently.
“Why don’tcha fuse with me instead?” Applejack said again with a blush. The Want it Need it spell still somewhat driving her.
“Sorry Applejack, but I really want to fly so no dice!” Twilight’s horn let loose a savage white light that enveloped the area. Rainbow Dash’s body transformed into a shining blue ball of light. At the same time Twilight’s own body turned into a purple one. The two orbs crashed into each other creating a glare that prevented both Pinkie and AJ from looking at it. As the reaction settled a new pony was present. It was a purple alicorn with large blue wings and a red mane. She had a horn far longer than Twilight’s and her cutie mark were three rainbows flying through a group of stars.
Pinkie pointed her katana at the new pony. “Who the blueberry jelly are you?”
The new pony brushed her mane as tiny electric sparks flew around her body. “I am Twidash,” the alicorn said softly. AJ and Pinkie both stared on in wonder. Was this really the fusion of Twilight and Rainbow Dash? And just how strong was she?
Twidash raised an accusatory hoof at Pinkie. “Listen Pinkie. For choosing chocolate rain over your friends I’m going to have to punish you.” Pinkie recoiled as Twidash’s horn glowed white. Suddenly Pinkie was wearing an astronaut’s helmet and matching suit.
“Wha? What is this stuff?” Pinkie begged.
Twidash remained solemn. “I’ll give you the most powerful of alicorn punishments.” Pinkie became cloaked in a blue light. “For your actions I hereby ground you for two hours.”
“Phew,” Pinkie said dropping her katana. “I was getting a tiny bit nervous there for a minute!”
Twidash smirked. “On the moon!”
“Wait wha?!” Pinkie was launched into the air. Within seconds the blue coated astronaut pony was totally out of sight.
Twidash’s horn stopped glowing. The alicorn turned to Applejack. “It is done.”
“Woah nelly Twi,” AJ answered. “Don’t ya think sendin Pinkie to the moon was a little much?”
“She’ll be fine,” Twidash laughed. “That space suit has a magic gem inside it that’ll teleport her back to Ponyville in two hours. Now we must make haste and find the Orb of Modnar.”
Applejack stared at Twidash. “Uh, but how long will you be… You know… Like this?”
Twidash chuckled. “Oh this form? Well the legendary F.U.F.U. spell can last from a few minutes to a few days! There’s no way of knowing just when an O.C. will revert back to its-” A puff of smoke appeared around Twidash. As the dust cleared the alicorn had vanished leaving Twilight and Rainbow Dash in her place. Twilight was still battle wounded from before, while Rainbow Dash was out cold.
“Shoot,” Twilight whined. “Well it looks like that’s the end of the fusion spell.”
“Are y’all serious?” Applejack raged. “You were only fused fer like two minutes!”
“Whatever let’s just go find that accursed orb,” Twilight grumbled.
Twilight and Applejack wandered off leaving Rainbow Dash passed out on the golden pathway. Where they were headed they had no idea. But one thing was certain. They were running out of time.
The search for the Orb of Modnar proved harder than Twilight and Applejack could ever have imagined. The pair searched the chaotic wreck that was once Ponyville, but found no trace of the orb. The madness soon became too much for Twilight to handle. Doors had turned into spoons, Windows had become oysters and the teal sky now graced the ponies with random showers of grape soda. Pinkie would’ve been heartbroken. After about forty minutes of intense searching, Twilight finally collapsed on the golden floor.
“Are you ok Twi?” Applejack asked with concern.
Twilight covered her face in shame. “I give up. The Orb is gone. We’ll never save Ponyville.”
Applejack pulled Twilight back up. “Ya can’t just give up Twilight! Ponyville needs you! No! All of Equestria needs you!” Twilight looked away from Applejack. The farm pony leaned in close to her. “And I need you.”
Twilight pushed AJ away. “You don’t get it do you Applejack! There’s no hope anymore! Our world has fallen to chaos! I can’t take it!” Twilight’s sanity bar finally turned fully red as she started to tremble with joy. Applejack was scared. The Want it Need it spell had begun to wane following Twilight’s fusion attack. Now AJ was starting to see Twilight as the disturbed mare she had become. Twilight gave a grin of pure insanity. “Maybe if I cause enough chaos then the Orb will come to me!” Twilight began to rub her hooves as she jumped up and down with glee. “Sounds like a great plan right AJ?!”
Applejack didn’t know what to do. Twilight had lost it. There was only one thing the farm pony could think to do in this most delicate of situations. “Hay Twilight,” Applejack yelled.
“What?” The messy haired pony answered.
Applejack raised her hoof. “Please blink,” she said before clobbering her insane purple friend with a mighty left hoof. Twilight flew through the air and landed inside a nearby artichoke. A quiet groan was heard as Twilight quickly lost consciousness.
Twilight opened her eyes to see Applejack sitting beside her. The farm pony was reading a legal textbook or rather staring that the few pictures the dusty tome had to offer. As she noticed her friend’s movement, the orange pony smiled. “Phew I was worried I might’ve hit ya too hard fer a minute.”
“What… what happened?” Twilight whimpered cradling her head. “I’ve got a serious headache.” “Oh you went a little crazy earlier so I punched cha into that vege.” Applejack pointed at the giant artichoke that Twilight was now inside. The purple mare pushed her way out of the plant and shook off the juice.
“Did we ever find Orb of Modnar?” Twilight begged, her memory starting to return.
Applejack sighed. “Nope and while you were out something even worse happened.”
Twilight’s eyes widened. “How could things possibly get any worse?!”
Applejack this time pointed at Twilight’s flank. Where there was once a beautiful star was now replaced by a corny knock-knock joke. “Are you kidding me?!” Twilight raged. “Knock knock who’s there? Your dad just phoned. Your dad just phoned who? My dad is dead. Then who was phone?! Twilight facehoofed. “That’s not funny and it makes no sense!”
“Don’t you worry Twi,” Applejack said with confidence. “While you were out I got mah lawyers together and we started filing a class action suit gainst that no good Discord!” Twilight suddenly had an epiphany. “I figure we can take that old snake fer all he’s got.” Applejack grew pensive. “Geez I sure hope he’s got something fer us to take.”
“Discord of course,” Twilight cheered. “We’ll go ask him where the Orb of Modnar is?!”
Applejack looked up at Twilight’s sanity bar. It was fully green. “Dang thing must be busted,” she said readying to slug Twilight again.
“Wait!” Twilight cut in. “I’ll just unfreeze his head and make him tell us where the Orb is!”
“Don’t ya think that may backfire on us?” Applejack said shooting Twilight a concerned look.
“It’s the best idea we’ve got right now,” Twilight answered. “Let’s go!”
“You aren’t going anywhere, but the wheelchair!” The pair could recognize the violent rhyming from a mile away. Fluttershy was back. The pissed off yellow pegasus landed right in front of them. She had a look of murderous rage on her adorable face. Under her hoof she held an unconscious and highly battle damaged Spike.
“Fluttershy how could you?!” Twilight growled at the monster that appeared to be her friend, but the New Fluttershy only laughed.
“Heh you know what they say Twi. Believing in a runt proves you’re a cunt.” Fluttershy threw Spike to the ground and reentered her badass arms crossed flying stance. “So which of you losers wants to go? And hurry up New Fluttershy hates waiting.” Twilight and Applejack both scowled at Fluttershy, but soon their attention was captured by loud obnoxious voice.
“WE ALSO HAVE RETURNED!” The pair turned to see Luna levitating an unconscious Rarity. “YOUR FRIEND PROVED NO MATCH FOR OUR INSANE DISCO SKILLS! LITTLE DID SHE KNOW WE SPENT 1000 YEARS HONING OUR DANCING POWERS ON THE MOON! HAHAHAHAHA!”
Twilight racked her brain for a solution. There must be some way to defeat both Luna and Fluttershy, but how? Applejack took a step forward. “Well I reckin It’s my turn to fight.”
“AJ are you crazy?” Twilight bit her friend’s tail, but Applejack pulled away.
The farm pony gave her unicorn friend a serious look. “Twilight it’s up to you to save Ponyville from this chaos nonsense. Besides I figure if this is how ah help you to do it, then that’s fine wit me.”
“But you’ll get destroyed!” Twilight cried.
“Maybe,” Applejack said with confidence. “But it’ll be worth it. Now get a move on!” AJ walked over to where Fluttershy was flying. “Hay Fluttershy! Ah think yer rhymes are a crime!”
“What?!” Fluttershy dropped Spike as she started to tremble with rage. “You’re gunning my rhymes with your own lame rhymes! Nopony is allowed to do that and keep breathing AJ! New Fluttershy is gonna make you pay!”
Applejack grinned as she turned to Luna. “And Luna, you need to quiet down and disco dance yer way back to Celestia’s broom closet or where ever it is that she lets you sleep!”
Luna grew red. “HOW DARE YOU! WE ARE NOT TO BE TRIFLED WITH APPLEJACK! PREPARE FOR A ROYAL PLOT-KICKING!”
“Now get outta here Twi!” Applejack yelled back at her friend. Twilight gave Applejack one last sentimental glance before she finally turned to flee. Applejack smiled. “Ah guess this is it now.” She faced her enraged opponents. “Whenever you gals are ready.”
Twilight arrived at the entrance to the Hedgemont Center to find that Discord’s statue had disappeared. She panted, exhausted from running from the battle with Fluttershy. Now with her primary target missing, the purple pony screamed in rage. “Are you kidding me?!” Twilight fired at magic blast destroying the podium where Discord once stood. “Where is that jerk?” Twilight seethed with rage, but soon something caught her attention. It was clapping from emanating from the hedge labyrinth. Two familiar figures walked out the foreboding grove. Twilight sighed at this point nothing surprised her anymore. Not even the fact that Discord and Chrysalis were both approaching her with cynical grins.
“Well Twilight,” Discord laughed. “It’s so good to see you again.”
“How did you escape Discord?” Twilight growled.
Discord ignored Twilight’s question and instead looked up at the teal sky. “Well it seems my little Orb has caused this boring world at least a little chaos. So how did you like it Twilight? How did you enjoy the pure uncut chaos?”
Twilight grabbed her own sanity meter, which by this point was again near full and ripped it in half. “Tell me how you escaped.” Her face was red. There was no question Twilight had exchanged insanity for total and complete rage.
The black hole-ridden changeling queen took a proud step forward. “I helped Discy to escape.”
Twilight’s rage climaxed and transformed into an embarrassing state of confusion. “Discy?”
Discord and Chrysalis laughed uproariously. “That’s right Twilight Sparkle,” the serpent monster chuckled. “Chrysy and I are together now!”
“After your brother and his wife showed me the power of love, I had no choice but to harness that power for myself!” Chrysalis happily embraced Discord. “And now I know how it feels!”
“Oh Chrysy darling you’re far too affectionate!” Discord laughed.
Twilight wanted to throw up. She lost her anger and now just wanted to leave. “Excuse me,” Twilight said quietly.
“Yes,” the evil couple answered in unison.
Twilight made puppy dog eyes “Can you please turn off the Orb of Modnar?”
“Oh Twilight Sparkle.” Discord laughed. “You’ve had the Orb of Modnar with you all along.” Discord flew over to Twilight and reached into her mess of a mane. From it he pulled the rocky orb that only hours ago had disappeared randomly. Twilight’s eyes widened. “You see? The Orb merely shrank and landed in your mane.”
Twilight twitched… a lot. “Ok ok. So can you make it stop now?” The purple mare begged.
“Oh course,” Discord said.
“Phew,” Twilight sighed.
“Not!” Discord cheered as he threw the Orb into the sky. Twilight stared in awe and fear. “Why?!” She pointed her horn at Discord, but the monster had already flown back over to Chrysalis.
“Isn’t obvious Twilight?” Discord chuckled.
“Yes you foolish creature,” Chrysalis laughed. “You should’ve remembered that!”
Discord and Chrysalis both jumped up and proudly cheered in unison. “Were evil!”
Twilight drew all her magic into her horn. “For Celestia’s sake I’ll defeat both of you!” Twilight fired off her energy blast at the devious duo. Discord snapped his fingers. Twilight’s magic blast transformed into caramel. Chrysalis then levitated at giant apple in front of Twilight’s caramel beam. As Twilight’s magic gave out she realized much to her chagrin, that her ultimate attack had only created a giant caramel apple.
Discord and Chrysalis flew over the apple and stared down at Twilight. “So now it’s our turn.” Twilight gulped. The final battle had started and she was fresh out of magic…
Applejack dropped to the ground. Her body was riddled with bruises and half tail was burned off. Fluttershy and Luna both were flying toward her. That battle had been brutal and one-sided. AJ had desperately fought Fluttershy hoof to hoof while dodging blasts from Luna. This strategy unfortunately fell short the moment Fluttershy punched Applejack conveniently into one of Luna’s blasts. Now the farm pony was struggling to move. This can’t be where it ends, Applejack thought. The normally stubborn pony knew right then that she needed help. Still Spike and Rarity were both unconscious. The whole town had been pretty much deserted all day too. Applejack looked up at her attackers before making a final desperate plea. “Somepony help me!”
“Give it up AJ,” Fluttershy laughed. “This beating’s gonna make my day!”
“Not so fast!” The three ponies turned in the direction of the voices to see the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Each filly was wearing their talent show outfits. Scootalou took a step forward and cleared her throat.
“Ehem.” Scootalou shot Fluttershy a confident stare. “Evildoers beware! We are the Super Cutie Mark Crusader Trio!”
“Don’t worry sis,” Applebloom jumped in. “We’ll save you!”
Applejack looked at her sister with confusion. “What the hay is wrong with you three?”
“Sis,” Applebloom said. “Were superponies!”
“Yeah!” Scootalou cheered. “That’s why we created an awesome hero group name!”
Applejack scowled. “First of all that name is basically the same as yer normal group name! Second of all you can’t stop these two! You three don’t even have powers!”
Scootalou laughed. “Actually Applejack since this morning we do! Watch this.” Scootalou put her hoofs together and generated an orange shining ball. Everypony stared in awe of Scootalou’s newfound superpower. “With my control over energy blasts my superpony name is Scootaboom!” The tiny pegasus tossed her energy blast at a nearby marshmallow. The orange ball hit the puffy white desert causing a huge explosion. Singed marshmallow goodness rained from the sky.
Applebloom ran over next to Scootaboom. “And I’m not Applebloom anymore!” The farm filly held her hoofs up and magically circus rings materialized. Applebloom’s eyes glowed red as the rings lit on fire. Applejack’s jaw dropped. “I got my power over loopie hoops back! Only now I can light them on fire too! Call me Acrobloom!”
Twitch twitch.
Scootaboom and Acrobloom jumped up and pointed at their third friend. “And she’s Twitchy Bell!” The white filly merely twitched while staring into space.
“Yeah,” Scootaboom said awkwardly. “She’s been like that all day. But regardless we are the Super Cutie Mark Crusader Trio!
“Just relax sis,” Acrobloom cheered. “We’ll save you!” Applejack stared up at her sister before finally falling to the ground unconscious. Acrobloom pushed AJ over to the side of the field. Then the two fillies finally faced Fluttershy.
“I’m tired of your nonsense,” The yellow pegasus growled. “If somepony wastes your time, then make them pay for their crime!”
“Look Fluttershy,” Scootaboom said. “We still love you, but were gonna have to end your rain of terror!”
Fluttershy tensed up. “Well I remember you three.” The pegasus jumped up into the air. “You little punks made me enter the Everfree forest, where I almost got turned to stone! Now I’ll pay you back with every single broken bone!”
“DON’T FORGET ABOUT US!” Luna flew over near Fluttershy. “WE ARE ALSO HERE TO WIPE OUT THESE WHELPS! WITH THEM GONE ALL YOUTH INDISCRETION WILL BE MINE! ALL MINE!”
Fluttershy punched Luna flying into a nearby cake. “Don’t lump me in with you miss multiple personality disorder. I remember you breaking my back last Nightmare Night! And I “New” Fluttershy will not rest until every pony who wronged me feels true fright!”
“Well let’s fight then!” Scootaboom threw an energy blast at Fluttershy. The yellow pony dodged the attack by flying into the sky. Then Fluttershy dove at top speeds and landed in front of Scootaboom. Fluttershy grabbed Scootaboom’s tail in her hooves. She spun the tiny filly around and tossed her into the air.
“Scootaboom!” Acrobloom cried.
“Don’t worry Acro!” Scootaboom answered. “I’m going to land on that feather pillow over there!” Scootaboom was flying toward a magical feather pillow. If she had hit the soft space, injury would’ve been impossible. However by the powers of Modnar at the very moment, the feather pillow Scootalou was flying towards transformed into a sea urchin. Scootaboom noticing this cruel joke said the only response appropriate. “Oh cra-“
*CRASH*
“OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”
“Scootaboom are you ok?!” Acrobloom called.
“Yeah I’m fffine,” Scootalou whimpered. The sea urchin had only impaled her wing and seeing how she couldn’t fly it wasn’t that big a problem. Of course the large spike ball attached to her wing now kept Scootaboom from moving.
“I’ll end this then!” Acrobloom yelled. The filly threw two flaming rings at Fluttershy. However the pegasus leaned her head back to dodge the first ring. Then she used her wings to push up body up over the ground. The second ring flew right under Fluttershy.
“Come on!” Fluttershy laughed. “Can’t you guys do anything right? I wouldn’t even call this farce a fight!” Acrobloom’s eyes glowed red. The rings reversed and flew back toward Fluttershy. However the pegasus again dodged the rings this time without even looking. Acrobloom re-grabbed her rings.
“She’s too fast!” Acrobloom cried.
“Hay Acrobloom,” Scootaboom shouted. “Let’s attack at the same time!”
“Good idea!” The yellow filly answered. Acrobloom reignited her rings, while Scootaboom created another energy blast. Both fillies launched their attacks at Fluttershy. From Scootaboom’s side came a large orange energy blast. From Acrobloom’s side came two flaming rings. The attacks were both headed straight for Fluttershy. The pegasus was hovering over the ground. Her eyes darted between both directions and prepared her counterattack. Fluttershy finally flew up just as the attacks closed in on her. Scootaboom’s energy blast flew right in between the two rings. Each filly’s eyes widened. Both attacks were now seconds away from hitting the totally wrong mark.
An explosion occurred as each weapon hit. Scootaboom and Acrobloom both were knocked a few feet back. Each was now covered in bruises with tears beginning to fall from their tiny faces. However each pony quickly wiped those tears away since of course how true heroes never cry.
“Ugh nice blast Scootaboom,” Acrobloom sighed.
“Yeah you too,” Scootboom whimpered.
Fluttershy landed. “You two are too weak! It’s like fighting a couple of geeks!”
Scootaboom and Acrobloom both struggled to get up to no avail. Each filly couldn’t move. It seemed there was no hope left for the Crusaders. Then everypony heard it.
Twitch twitch.
Fluttershy turned to see Sweetie Belle. The dazed filly was glowing with a blue aura. Her horn was overflowing with magical energy. She wasn’t just twitching this whole time. She was powering up for an attack!
The yellow pegasus chuckled. “If you wanna dance, I’ll give you the chance.” She focused on Sweetie, but then she heard another sound. It was a weird sound like when Rainbow Dash flew by really fast. Fluttershy looked up to see a meteor! A METEOR hurdling was towards her. The pegasus put her hooves up in front of her. “Nice attack, but I think I’ll send it back!” Fluttershy caught the incoming meteor in her hooves. She clenched her teeth as the giant rock sent her spiraling toward the ground. However just as Fluttershy was about to hit the ground she began to push it back. And then Fluttershy threw it. Fluttershy threw the meteor over at a nearby house of cards creating a huge explosion. Everypony looked on in awe as Fluttershy slowly walked away from the flaming wreckage which of course she wasn’t looking at it.
Sweetie Belle twitched again before toppling over. Clearly throwing a meteor at Fluttershy had taken up all of her newfound power. The other crusaders still couldn’t stand. Luna and Applejack both lay unconscious. The only pony left standing or in this case flying was Fluttershy.
The triumphant pony stared down on her defeated opponents. “If this is the best I don’t wanna see the rest,” Fluttershy chuckled. The crusaders both let out a growl of disapproval before finally falling to the ground. Fluttershy raised her hooves to the sky. “Hahahahaha! Nopony and I mean NOPONY can defeat “New” Fluttershy!”
However at that moment a peculiar laser fired from the sky at Fluttershy. The yellow pegasus was hit directly in the chest by the beam. She crashed into a nearby toaster. However this was the side of the toaster so she really just smacked into a hard metal wall. Fluttershy writhed as birds flew around her confused head. “What the hell? Just rang my bell?” She whined. And with that last crummy rhyme Fluttershy finally fell to the golden floor defeated.
Discord and Chrysalis were having fun with Twilight. They had dragged her to movies with them. The three had gone out to dinner. Heck they even went mountain climbing. However at the stop of the mountain as Twilight stared at the chaos in Ponyville down below her, the purple mare let out a sigh. “I miss the way things used to be.”
“Oh Twilight,” Discord said. “Surely you’re not letting the whole eternal chaos thing still bum you out.”
“Yes dear,” Chrysalis chuckled. “And I thought we were having such a nice time.”
Twilight let out another sigh. “Look I know you two are trying to make me lower my guard, but it’s not going to work.” The evil pair glared at Twilight. Discord snapped his fingers and suddenly they were back in the Hedgemont center. “Well Twilight,” Discord growled. “If our attempts to defeat you with fun won’t work!”
“We’ll just have to defeat you the old fashioned way!” Chrysalis cut in. Both villains began to glow with black auras. Twilight stared at her impending doom in an accepting manner. Better to die trying to save Equestria than to live in a chaos ridden hellhole.
“So Twilight do you have any last words?” Chrysalis laughed.
Twilight gave the monsters her best rage face. “Come at me.” Both bad guys surged with magic. Their attacks both manifested as they prepared to blast Twilight to kingdom come. It seemed like it was finally over.
Then a loud noise was heard from behind Twilight. Every creature turned to see an army of UFOs flying at them. The silver disks fired a barrage of lasers at Discord and Chrysalis. The lasers obliterated the evil pair. Both were sent flying off into the sky by the ensuing explosions. As the bad guys flew off screaming into the distance Twilight turned to the UFOs dumbfounded. One of the strange crafts landed and out of it bounced a familiar pink body.
“Thanks guys!” Pinkie cheered as she waved at the UFOs. The flying machines all flashed pink as they levitated up out of view. Pinkie turned to Twilight who was still staring mouth agape. “Hay Twilight what’s up?”
Twilight trembled. “How? You? UFOs?” Twilight grew woozy, but Pinkie bounced over to her and gave her a hug.
“Don’t worry Twilight,” Pinkie laughed. “I met some cool creatures on the moon. And they really missed Princess Luna so when I showed up they were really really happy! So I asked them for a ride home and they brought me!”
Twilight tired and weak from the day's insanity smiled. “Well Pinkie you saved my flank for sure. Maybe with Discord defeated we can finally see the end of this nightmare.” Pinkie suddenly turned away from Twilight and started shaking. The purple mare scratched her head. “Is everything all right Pinkie?”
Pinkie stopped shaking as her hair instantly STRAIGHTENED. She turned back to Twilight with a sinister smile on her face. “Oh everything is more than alright Twi.” The purple mare could sense the change in Pinkie.
“Umm well shouldn’t we get home?” Twilight looked up at the setting sun. “It’s almost nighttime.”
“I like the night,” Pinkie said her smile widening.
Twilight took a casual step back. “Pinkie are you sure you’re ok? The last time you’re hair looked like this, you thought we’d all skipped one of your parties.”
Pinkie walked calmly over to Twilight and looked her in the eyes. “Oh Twilight I was just thinking about how to celebrate defeating Discord. I think….Cupcakes would be lovely.”
Twilight faked a smile. “Oh that sounds great.” Twilight was still a bit scared by Pinkie’s new demeanor, but at least she was starting to act like herself again. “So you want to make cupcakes?”
“Yes and I need your help Twilight,” Pinkie chuckled. The pink pony walked behind Twilight flicking her tail in the unicorn’s face.
Twilight brushed her eyes. “Wait so you need my help baking?” Twilight turned around a moment too late. Pinkie smacked her in the head. Twilight fell to ground. Pinkie then stuffed her friend’s into a convenient potato sack and began to long walk to Sugarcube Corner.
Twilight awoke to feel metal bars around her. Her hooves were all locked into place. She tried to use her horn to light the room, but found that it too was held by some harness preventing her magic. She heard a sinister voice from the shadows. “You’re awake huh? About time, I was getting really bored waiting.”
The lights flew on and Twilight saw that she was strapped to a metal table. Her limbs and horn were all held in place by hardened material. The unicorn struggled only to find movement impossible. Twilight in her haste to escape almost ignored the eyesore of a room she was in. It was the lamest nightmare night attraction she had ever seen. There were balloons shaped like kidneys. Tables made of bones. Hell there was even a banner saying Life is a Party written in red paint.
Twilight finally focused her attention on Pinkie. Her pink friend was clad in a quilt with random symbols stitched together. Around her neck was a necklace of weird mutli-colored cones. Pinkie had an insane look on her face as she strolled over to Twilight and drew an “X” on her chest in red marker.
“Pinkie what is all this?” Twilight asked more annoyed than scared.
Pinkie chuckled. “Well Twilight I told you I needed your help making cupcakes.”
Twilight pouted. “How does tying me up help you make cupcakes?”
Pinkie pulled out the katana from earlier. “Well Twilight I’m going to make cupcakes out of you.” Pinkie cackled after saying this, but Twilight remained solemn.
“Ok Pinkie,” Twilight said. “I know I trapped you on the moon. But isn’t turning me into cupcakes a little harsh?”
“Nope,” Pinkie answered. “And call me Pinkamina will you.”
Twilight let out a sigh. “Ok….Pinkamina. I’m really sorry about trapping you on the moon. Please let me go.”
Pinkamina stood on her back legs as she slashed the air with her katana. “Sorry Twilight. I’m afraid this is the end for you. The only question is.” Pinkie held the sword over Twilight’s chest. “How long will you last?”
Twilight closed her eyes in terror. Pinkamina prepared to swing the sword when suddenly the door to the basement burst open. Both ponies looked up in confusion to see Rainbow Dash. The blue yet slightly chubbier than usual mare flew down and glared at Pinkamina. The pink earth pony let out a sigh.
Twilight squeed. “Rainbow Dash you’re here to save me!”
Rainbow Dash looked serious. She continued to have a staring contest with Pinkamina until the boredom got to her. “I heard you had cupcakes.” Rainbow said.
“There not ready yet,” Pinkamina moaned. “You’re kinda getting in my way actually.”
“Rainbow Dash she’s trying to kill me!” Twilight screamed.
Rainbow Dash raised a hoof to Twilight. “Not now Twi. So Pinkie.”
“Pinkamina,” the annoyed sword wielder interrupted.
“Pink-whatever,” Dash shot back. “I want some cupcakes.”
“Then why don’t you take a seat right over there?” Pinkamina pointed at a nearby bone table. “And let me finish working here?”
Twilight grew panicked. “Umm Rainbow Dash. You know I’m on the menu right?!”
Rainbow Dash shot Twilight an annoyed glare. “Well Twilight, maybe you should’ve thought about that before dragging a certain somepony into that fusion junk!”
Rainbow Dash shook her hooves in fury. “You didn’t have my permission to do that Twilight! It was totally uncool!”
“You liked it and you know it!” Twilight shouted angrily.
“So anyway,” Dash said returning her gaze to Pinkamina. “Free cupcakes?”
“No fucking way,” Pinkamina roared. “I run a business for Celestia’s sake! I can’t turn a profit if I just give away food!” Twilight grew despondent as it finally sunk in that her friends were arguing over selling her as food.
“Look I’m broke since the cotton candy sky made me lose my job,” Rainbow Dash whined. “Besides I know your little secret now. So you owe me free cupcakes you psycho.”
Pinkamina clenched her teeth. “Nopony will believe you over me!”
“Oh please, the whole town thinks you’re crazy,” Dash answered.
“So what,” Pinkamina said. “At least I didn’t eat my job away!”
“Just give me free cupcakes darn it,” Dash growled.
Pinkamina put her katana down and raised her hoof to her cheek. “Hmm. How about half price?”
“Half price?” Rainbow Dash groaned. “How about 99% off?” Dash smiled, but Pinkamina grimaced.
“That’s the same as free and NO!” Pinkamina yelled.
“You’re horrible at negotiations,” Rainbow Dash said pouting.
“Well you’re horrible at being pleasant to negotiate with!” Pinkamina shouted back. Dash stuck her tongue out at the insane pink mare. Pinkamina facehoofed. “Ok ok, how about one free cupcake and very other one is 75% off.”
Rainbow Dash’s face lit up. “Now your talkin! Deal!”
Pinkamina pushed Rainbow Dash over to a corner. “Good now wait here damnit.” Pinkamina grabbed the katana and walked back over to Twilight. “Sorry about that Twi. It’s usually a lot more. You know professional in here.”
“I don’t mind,” Twilight answered. “But can you just get on with it already.”
“Oh so you’re giving up so soon,” Pinkamina asked.
“Yeah well,” Twilight began. “When you’re friends have spent the day failing you, threatening you and ultimately trying to kill you, it’s a pretty big spirit breaker.”
“I’m playing you a sad song on my violin Twi,” Rainbow Dash said.
“Oh be quiet,” Twilight growled. “Look could you please kill me Pinkamina. This day has been torturous enough.” Pinkamina grew gleeful. “Well worry not Twi!” She again held up the katana. “I’ll end you quickly!” Pinkamina lifted the sword over Twilight’s chest. The only sound in the dreary basement was Rainbow Dash licking cotton candy from her hooves. Pinkamina mentally aligned the sword to the “X” she drew. The pink mare pulled back about to swing.
When the door which was burst open by Rainbow Dash, but had magically reclosed was again burst open. All the ponies looked up to see an orange unicorn wearing glasses. The unicorn was male with a bizarre cutie mark that looked like a toy pony. In his hooves was a small shiny metal rectangle. “Worry not Twilight Sparkle,” the new pony cried. “I’ll save you!”
Pinkamina turned to Rainbow Dash. “Get rid of him and you get two frees cupcakes.”
Rainbow Dash gave a look of shock and awe before quickly turning serious. “Three free cupcakes.”
Pinkamina facehoofed again. “This is not the time for business ok. Just destroy that guy!” Rainbow Dash sat with her hooves crossed. Pinkamina sighed in annoyance. “Fine three free cupcakes. Now kill that guy ok.”
Dash did a loop in excitement. “I’m on it!” She flew up, grabbed the new unicorn in her hooves and took off creating a hole in the bakery’s roof. Pinkamina surveyed the property damage.
“Well that’s coming out of my paycheck,” she groaned. Pinkamina then refocused on Twilight. “So where were we?”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “You were about to kill me quickly so I can finally get out of this farce.”
“Oh yeah,” Pinkamina picked up her katana. “Sorry about that.” The pink pony realigned the sword and was about to swing when Rainbow Dash flew back into the room.
“I got rid of him like you said,” the pegasus cheered.
Pinkamina turned again from Twilight. “Yeah yeah good job. Who was that guy anyway?”
“I don’t know Rainbow Dash said. “He just complained about being the author or something and how I was ruining his chance to save the day.”
Pinkamina grew tense. “Did you say….the author?”
“Yeah why?” Dash answered.
“What did you do to him?” Pinkamina asked with worry.
“Oh, well you said to destroy him,” Rainbow Dash said. “So I threw him into the nearest active volcano.”
“And what was he doing while you did this?” Pinkamina whimpered.
“He was using magic to make words appear on that little metal thing in his hooves,” Rainbow Dash answered.
Pinkamina looked at Dash with dismay. “Umm Rainbow Dash, surely you can see the danger in killing the author of a fic in progress can’t you?”
Rainbow Dash put her hoof to her chin and began to ponder. “Hmm. Well it was a pretty big volcano. So I figure we’ve got.” Dash looked at her wrist to see that her pencil watch had magically turned real. “Hmm maybe a minute before he hits the lava.”
“Fuck!” Pinkamina shouted. “That means we only have a minute before this story and everything in it ceases to progress!” Pinkamina grabbed a large cooking pot and poured in a vat of batter. “Hurry and get my oven ready!” Dash flew off to start the device. Pinkamina threw a switch unlocking Twilight. The pink pony then grabbed her and threw her into the cooking pot. Twilight stuck her head out. She was covered in batter and only her large annoyed eyes were visible. Pinkamina ran upstairs carrying the cooking pot. When she got there Rainbow Dash had already turned the oven on. “How much longer do we have?” Pinkamina asked.
Dash checked her watch. “Like 10 seconds!”
Pinkamina ran over to the oven and turned it up to super nova level. The oven bellowed smoke. The machine began to overheat. Pinkamina grabbed Twilight and threw her in the direction of the oven. However the unicorn was tired.
She was tired of all this madness. She was tired of all this uncertainty. And most of all she was tired of this day. Twilight teleported herself behind Pinkamina and applebucked the psychotic pink pony into Rainbow Dash. The pair careened into the oven which then promptly exploded, blowing up the bakery.
Twilight was thrown across town by the explosion and smashed into her tree house, which had magically returned to normal. As her senses returned Twilight saw the book she was reading before all this insanity began. The purple mare smiled as she sat down near the forgotten tome and returned to reading.
