Why don't we fall in love (and eventually did)
It was Hearts and Hooves Day and Spike the dragon felt lonely, so lonely that even his thoughts had dust. Rarity left for a trip in Canterlot, she wasn’t there for him to say ‘Would you be my special somepony?’ to her. As compensation he asked to her little sister Sweetie Belle, but she was already having a date.
“Sorry Spike, I have to see Button Mash at Sugarcube Corner. Maybe next time.”
He retired a little depressed to his home castle, entering through the main door.
“Honey, I’m home,” the silence surrounded the place. “Oh, I forgot. I’m not married.”
Heading to the kitchen he found a letter from Twilight saying: “I went to the Crystal Empire today, Flash said that he’s keeping a surprise for me. Sorry to leave you alone today but love can’t wait. There’s a bowl with gems in case you’re hungry. Love you, Twilight.” He was sniffing because this wasn’t the day he had planned and, desperate by the situation, he headed to the main balcony and yelled to all Equestria:
“Oh... I’ll sell my soul for a kiss from Rarity!”
From nowhere a smoke surrounded by flashing red lights emerged and appeared the Lord of Tartarus himself: Tirek.
“Well that can be arranged.”
The only problem was... well, he wasn’t exactly Tirek. It had his large curvy horns, white beard and black legs along with a golden cane with its face, but it wasn’t him.
“Pinkie Pie! You’re Tirek?!”
She giggled. “It’s always the one you least suspect.”
“But what happened to the real one?”
“He’s doing an important job for me.”
***
Tirek is showed pushing a rotary machine in Tartarus, happening to be a spinning tray with muffins at Sugarcube Corner. Lyra and Bon Bon watched it closely.
“Have you ever wondered how it works?” asked Lyra.
“Who cares? I only want my powdered biscuits,” answered Bon Bon.
***
“But I thought that you worked as a baker and a party organizer in Sugarcube Corner.”
“That’s only a half-time job to keep my real identity secret. Now, many ponies, or in your case dragons, offer to sell their souls without reflecting upon the grave consequences of–”
“I’ll kiss Rarity or not?”
“Of course! Just sign here.”
Pinkie appeared from nowhere a contract along with a feather, Spike signed and in that moment the paper burnt and Rarity appeared in front of him, confused and dizzy.
“Rarity, you’re finally here!”
“Spike? That’s strange, the last thing I remember was I going to Canterlot to show my new clothing line. Where am I, what am I doing here?”
“Oh, I did a deal with Tirek here about my soul or something like that, I don’t know.”
“Pinkie Pie, are you Tirek?”
“Why everypony says the same thing in the same tone when they know it?”
“I don’t care, but I’ll finally have my long-waited reward from you Rarity.”
“Reward? What are you talking about?”
“The only thing I want from you is spend the rest of the day with you and a kiss.”
“Oh, Spike. You always receive kisses from me.”
“But not a real one. I want one right on the lips and not from anypony, just from you. Please Rarity, just for today.”
“If that’s the case I accepted just to make you happy.”
She was only role-playing, she didn’t know about the deal until she was close to him and Pinkie told it.
“Now remember, the instant you kissed her on the lips, I won your soul for–”
“What?! You sell your soul to Pinkie just for a kiss?!” Rarity asked furious.
“Yes, but–”
“That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done! Don’t you realize that now you can’t even being with me anymore?!”
“But wait,” he turned around to Pinkie. “If I kiss her anywhere but the lips you won’t get my soul, do you?”
“Well, technically no but–”
“I’m smarter than Tirek, I’m smarter than Tirek!”
Spike mocked her because of the deal and Pinkie Pie got so mad that she transformed into an evil, more freakish version of Tirek surrounded by pink flames and got a deeper voice.
“You’re not smarter than me! I’ll see you in Tartarus Spike the dragon and if any of you two tell somepony about my identity you’ll go to Tartarus immediately!”
Pinkie disappeared and when Spike tried to fix things with Rarity, she only turned away and went home.
“Rarity–”
“I don’t want to talk to you or see you again in my life! Please just leave me alone!”
But don’t get mad with her, she had reasons: although she loved Spike she felt that they will never be together because of the age and species differences, not to mention that he sold his soul just for a caprice. She didn’t saw him for months, she trashed all the things he gave to her and even forbid Sweetie Belle to approach him.
One afternoon, six months after the deal, Spike went to Carousel Boutique because she had one last thing to throw away: the Fire Ruby he gave to her, but she felt so attracted to it that she thought that gem will convince her to forgive him so she called Spike to gather it up. He entered through the door and saw her making dresses as usual.
“It’s in my bedroom, search it, pick it up and get out of here.”
Spike went upstairs and found it but because of all the mess Rarity had he tripped with some fabrics, wrap up in them to the point he couldn’t move or talk and finished covered in the blankets of the bed. During the process he dropped the collar and he spent the rest of the day on the bed. At evening Rarity was preparing to sleep while she was asking to herself the reason of the deal.
“Ah! He didn’t even take it!” Rarity said it as she threw the ruby far away from her. “Why did he do that stupidity? I know I’m beautiful but that’s not a valid excuse; that was so selfish from his part. I mean what kind of pony falls in love and obsesses with somepony who doesn’t love it in returned?”
A dramatic pause was made and Rarity realized of what she said, remembering her love experience. She recalled all those failed romances, how she tried so hard to impress gentlecolts such as Prince Blueblood, Fancy Pants and Trenderhoof and failed in the process. And one last impression came to her mind: all her friends had coltfriends: Twilight and Flash, Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich, Fluttershy and Discord, even Applejack gave an opportunity to Trenderhoof and not only they started dating but they fell in love with each other! The only exception was Rainbow Dash who didn’t care about romance or having a special somepony. But she? She was always alone, Spike remained by her side no matter the circumstances and he only wanted to be with her that specific day. And what did she gave to him in return? She shouted to him and said she never wanted to see him again. She finally burst in tears and began to cry a river.
“Oh, my little Spikey-Wikey. I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to stay away from you, I just wanted to protect us but I hurt you as a result, I’m a terrible pony. I’m going to search him tomorrow and tell him that I’m sorry, if he doesn’t love me anymore after this I’ll understand.”
Rarity felt like she was hallucinating. She rested her body on her bed and covered herself in extra blankets; she didn’t bother to put her sleep mask on and permanently watched the roof.
“Why everything here reminds me of him? This room is painted like his skin, this pillow smells like his scales and this bunch of blankets looks like him, maybe if I...”
The white unicorn brought her lips closer to the pile of blankets that was Spike. He, unable to move and talk, only could see. Once finished she tried to fell asleep, this was done for a few hours when a familiar voice was heard.
“You know, I always wondered something. Did you taste like marshmallows?”
“Pinkie,” Rarity woke up abruptly. “What are you doing here?”
“Picking up what is mine.”
“What do you mean?”
Pinkie Pie pointed to the pile of blankets, Rarity desperate began to unfold them to discover a pile of fabrics and when she unwrap those she discovered Spike with a scared and pleased face. She was distressed when she found the crude truth.
“No. I didn’t know.”
“A deal is a deal.”
A portal appeared in the center of Rarity’s bedroom and began to drag Spike with all its force into it. He hanged from one of the pillars of the bed but that wasn’t enough from preventing his fate. Suddenly one of the windows from the room opened to reveal a courageous Rainbow Dash.
“Sorry Rarity I was passing nearby when I saw this giant smoke explosion with red lights in your house and I wanted to... Pinkie Pie, are you Tirek?”
“Are you serious?!”
Because of the distraction Spike ended up being stuck in the hole, Pinkie tried to push him down with her cane and hooves but it was worthless.
“Your wide belly won’t save you this time!”
“Please Pinkie, forgive him. It was my fault. I kissed him, not backwards. I know, why don’t you take me in his place?”
“Rarity no!” Spike shouted.
“A kiss on the lips is a kiss on the lips, no refunds or returns.”
“Look, I don’t know exactly what’s going on here,” Rainbow Dash interrupted them. “But doesn’t he have right to a fair trial?”
“Oh you ponies with your ‘due process and fair trials’. I prefer spontaneous conversations. Very well, we’ll have the trial tomorrow at midnight. Until then,” Pinkie pointed to Spike. “You’re going to spend the day in Tartarus!”
The hole finally absorbed Spike and he along with Pinkie Pie disappeared. Rarity explained Rainbow Dash what had happened and both spent the sunlight of the next day studying a law book trying to solve the problem. Meanwhile Rarity was sewing a white-striped black suit as Rainbow Dash was reading the mentioned book.
“I don’t get it. Why don’t you contract a lawyer instead of doing it by yourself? You’re not going to learn this stuff in twelve hours,” said Rainbow Dash.
“Because if somepony else knows it Pinkie automatically will send both of us to Tartarus. Besides it’s my fault that Spike is there” replied Rarity.
“You were mad with him for months because of this and now you want him back?”
“You can’t understand it, you never loved somepony else.”
“That’s not true. Soarin and I have been dating for a couple of months.”
That notice shocked Rarity. Now she had a coltfriend?!
“I didn’t know,” she tried to not be jealous. “How is he?”
“He’s... interesting, I suppose he can help me to get into the choreography of the wonderbolts,” she signed and recharge her elbows on the bed. “I’ll sell my soul for being one.”
Suddenly Pinkie appeared in the room from nowhere with a wonderbolt suit.
“Well that can be arranged.”
“No thanks.”
Pinkie vanished.
“Cool.”
“Rainbow Dash, stop messing with Tirek!”
“Stop messing with that! Why are you doing that jacket anyway?”
“It’s not a jacket, it’s a suit and I’m doing it because if I want to save my little Spikey-Wikey from that pink pony I’d want to look fabulous.”
“Typical from you Rarity.”
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
Midnight
Both mares were in the living room of Carousel Boutique. Rarity was standing nervously while Rainbow Dash was going back and forth, from one side of the room to the other.
“Are you alright?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Yes, why?”
“You look tight in that suit.”
“If I still have enough time I’d fix it. Maybe I should have expanded the chest area.”
“Stop worrying about that.”
A fire cage with Spike inside appeared and Rarity approached it.
“Spikey-Wikey, are you alright?”
“No,” he said frightened. “They tortured me with kissing but they were not mares. They were not mares!”
Then a fiery wall appeared, when it put out it revealed Pinkie, a counter and a judge wearing a black tunic and a white wig. The judge smacked the mallet three times.
“Hear you, hear you. The Court of Affairs from Tartarus is now in–”
“Discord?!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed surprised.
“Come on!” Discord removed the wig from his head. “How did you knew it was me?!”
“Who else we know likes to wear gloves of different sizes?”
“What is he doing here?” asked Rarity.
“It’s the judge of this case,” answered Pinkie Pie.
“This case?!” Discord felt frustrated. “Why?! Of all the ponies in the world why they had to be you?!”
“I knew that you were still evil on the inside,” said Rainbow Dash as she flew to his face.
“No,” Discord tried to explain nervously. “Listen I work for Pinkie Pie but it’s because I have a permanent contract with her. Please don’t tell Fluttershy any of this; we’re going to have a picnic next week.”
“Silence Discord!”
“Yes mistress.”
Pinkie Pie observed Rarity from head to hoof.
“...You look tight.”
“Why everypony does says that?! It’s the first time in my life that I wear a suit, ok?!”
“Then why did you bother to make it?”
“Because she wanted to ‘look fabulous’,” Rainbow Dash answered trying to imitate Rarity.
“Not only that, I’ll be the lawyer who defends my Spike from this. And by the way Rainbow I don’t talk like that.”
“Alright, let’s start it up!” Discord exclaimed.
“Very well but first some rules,” Rarity approached to Pinkie Pie. “Number one, we can go to powder our noses every half hour.”
“Agreed. Number two, the jury will be chosen by me.”
“Agreed,” Rarity soon realized what she accord. “No, wait–!”
“Silence!” Pinkie Pie used her frantic voice. “I give you the Jury of the Damned:”
One by one each member of the jury appeared as soon as Pinkie mentioned its name.
“Nightmare Moon, Lightning Dust, Dan–!”
“But I’m not from this universe and I was planning revenge against Chris.”
“Hey, listen: you owe me a favor!”
“Yes mistress.”
“King Sombra, Queen Chrysalis, Fluffle Puff, Suri Polomare and the Shadowbolts from Crystal Prep Academy!”
Pinkie Pie had to wait impatiently because the jury wasn’t ready enough: Rarity and Rainbow Dash had to bring chairs and the fainting couch to sit all the members. King Sombra and Nightmare Moon sat on the kitchen chairs, the five Shadowbolts on the fainting couch while Lightning Dust and Suri were fighting over a wooden stool because they refused to share it and Dan remained standing.
“I’m sorry,” said Rainbow Dash to the queen as she carried a high baby chair. “We’re low on chairs and this is the last one.”
The changeling leered the pony for a brief moment.
“...As long as I stay away from this thing it’s ok,” Chrysalis responded, pointing and referring to Fluffle Puff, who was lying on the floor stupidly happy.
“Why? It did something to you?”
“She loves me dearly and I have to act like if I did too.”
Fluffle Puff gasped happily as Chrysalis sat uncomfortably on the chair.
“Why do you still keep this Rarity?”
“I really don’t know.”
“Order, order!” Discord said to control the audience and smacked the mallet, the jury suddenly shut up and no action was given... except Suri pushing Lightning Dust of the stool and sitting on it. “Let the proceedings begin.”
“Thanks your Honor,” Pinkie Pie stand up and started to explain. “I hold here a contract between myself and a Spike the dragon pledging me his soul for a kiss from this mare,” she pointed to Rarity. “Right here, which I delivered and was done in front of my eyes! I simply ask for what is mine!”
The jury chattered.
“That was a right-pretty speech darling,” Rarity began her speech. “But I kissed him in the first place by accident!”
“A kiss on the lips is a kiss on the lips.”
“She’s right Rarity,” said Discord holding the contract. “Permit me to read it,” he cleared his throat. “A kiss will be given to the client named Spike the dragon specifically on the lips by Rarity Belle, no matter who makes the first move.”
The jury stared at her.
“Excuse me, I must go to powder my nose.”
She initially walked slowly but when she exit the court she quicken her pace and headed to the bathroom. 20 minutes later Rainbow Dash went to investigate what was happening. She knocked the door.
“Uh Rarity, are you there?”
She opened the door to discovered a frustrated Rarity in tears attempting to suicide herself by hanging her up with a belt tied up to the bath tub.
“No, no, no Rarity! Please don’t do crazy things!”
Rainbow Dash went to untied Rarity as fast as she could while she was complaining.
“Get off me Rainbow!”
“What were you thinking?!”
“I can’t save him. I messed up really hard in the court, so I decided to kill myself to reach him in Tartarus. Because if I suicide I automatically go there, right?”
“Don’t say that. You’re the only one he trusts to win this. He loves you.”
“What do you know about love? You’re dating somepony because you want to be in the wonderbolts so everypony can say ‘Look at her, she’s Rainbow Dash, she’s awesome and like 20% cooler.’ You don’t really love him!”
The pegasus was about to get mad with the unicorn but she calmed down and after a moment of silence both mares sit on the bathroom’s floor. Rainbow Dash comforted Rarity and began to explain.
“You know what? It’s ironic that you talk about what is love and its functions when you never experienced a real one. All those stallions you fell in love were not interested in you or worse: used you as a prize. You never had a real stable relationship while I only had one love and even it has its problems. Soarin is not perfect, I mean he can be annoying sometimes with his apple pie obsession and he lets me win every time because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. I, on the other hoof, am extremely competitive and can be very self-conceited and cocky. But after all we’re still together. You know why? Because we love each other. Maybe love is something we can’t yet understand. Maybe it’s some evidence, some artifact of a higher dimension that we can’t consciously perceive. Love is the only thing that we’re capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that, even if we can’t understand it.”
Suddenly Rarity became more self-confident.
“That’s it. That it! Rainbow Dash, you’re a genius! I need to find it.”
She headed to her bedroom. Meanwhile Rainbow Dash returned to the court only to found that Discord was already starting the sentence in favor of Pinkie, who was smiling anxiously and evilly.
“Hurry up Rarity,” Rainbow Dash whispered.
“Spike the dragon; I have no choice but to sentence you to an eternity of–”
“Wait!” Rarity arrived just in time, interrupting Discord. “Before you send him to Tartarus, there’s something you should see.”
Rarity pulled out the artifact she was looking for and gave it to the jury.
“This is a collar with the Fire Ruby my little Spikey-Wikey gave to me and behind it there’s a photo of me and him a few days before his birthday.”
“I didn’t know there was a photo about that,” said Spike.
“There are some things you didn’t know about.”
Dan opened the inset where the Fire Ruby was placed and the jury looked at the photo.
“Why he’s like brainwashed?” he asked.
“Because I kissed him on the cheek.”
“It was the first kiss of my life.”
The jury laughed out loud.
“If you took the photo you can read the inscription behind it.”
The turquoise pony was the first one to take it.
“It’s a wonderbolt admission!” exclaimed Lightning Dust.
“You idiot, stop pretending you can’t read!” Suri responded while taking off the photo.
“At least I can pretend that I’m enjoying being here.”
“Give me that!” Chrysalis snatched the photo of her hoofs with her magic. “Since love is my specialty I think I’m the most appropriate to read this.”
“Come on, we have as much right as you to read it,” asked Suri.
“Besides who puts you in charge?!” said Lightning Dust.
“Nopony, but I will always have somepony to support me no matter how cruel or stupid my decisions are. Right Fluffly?”
Fluffle Puff stared blankly for a while and then rasped.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Chrysalis began to read. “‘Dear Rarity: you have given me the best thing in my entire life. All I can give you in return is this ruby with... my soul, which I pledge to you forever.’”
The jury debated amongst themselves.
“We've heard enough,” said Suri. “Your Honor, we find that Spike the dragon’s soul is legally the property of Rarity and not of Tirek.”
Pinkie felt disappointed meanwhile Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Spike celebrated, although he got burnt because of the fire walls of his cage.
“Great, can we go home now?” asked Dan pissed off. “I have a vendetta to plan.”
Pinkie Pie tapped her hoof and both the jury members, the fire cage and Discord vanished instantly, Rarity approached to Spike.
“Oh Rarity. I was such an idiot for doing this deal. Can you forgive me?”
“No need to do that Spike, it was my fault by denying all the love you gave me all this time. Can you forgive me?”
“...I’ll do,” both said it at unison as they kissed on the lips for real.
Pinkie approached to them, clapping sarcastically.
“Alright Spike, you get your soul back. But since you and Rarity love each other so much you’ll be together FOREVER!”
She pointed and shot fire out from her hoof. Both Spike and Rarity screamed in pain as Pinkie’s skeleton was shown before disappearing.
A few days later, in the Friendship Castle, the remaining of the Mane 6 but one were having lunch. Among them was a lizard with lavender fur, olive green spines, pony ears, a large tail, a horn and aquamarine reptilian eyes. All of them were looking at her with doubt.
“So let me get this Rarity,” Twilight asked. “You were trying to do a transformation spell for your fabrics with Spike assisting you and both of you ended like this?”
“...Yes,” the creature spoke as if both Spike and Rarity talked at the same time.
“I can only say that you look cute together. Maybe I’ll start to call you ‘Sparity’,” Fluttershy said trying to get a laugh.
“Fluttershy, that wasn’t funny, that was offensive,” Applejack said.
“Sorry but since Pinkie Pie isn’t here I thought that I should make a joke.”
“Speakin’ of her, any of ya know what’s happenin’ to Pinkie? She ultimately has been angry to the point of no viewin’ us.”
“Maybe she’s in her days of something,” Rainbow Dash tried to simulate not knowing anything that happened.
“Don’t worry. I’ll find a way to fix this.”
“Thanks Twilight. Sorry to leave you girls but we have to go back to work.”
“I wouldn’t go outside if I were you” Fluttershy said, stopping them.
“Why not?”
“It’s,” Fluttershy gulped. “Dragon mating season.”
Surrounding Ponyville there were teenage dragons. All of them were waiting outside the castle with Garble at the front of the line, who said:
“Don’t worry boys; she’s got to come out of there sometime.”