Filling the Hole
Twilight sat in a side room of the library, floating ever so slightly above the wood, her excitement sending ripples through her essence as she looked down at the book in front of her. It was titled, ‘Sexual Acts for Dummies,’ recommended to her by Rarity after recent events had shown everypony else that her knowledge on the subject was a touch more than lacking.
The wraith’s horn lit up, a black aura coming over the book cover, before pulling it open to the table of contents. She had been recommended a certain subject to start with, and so began her search for where masturbation was on the page. From what she had heard of it, it was a good place to start, especially if you were alone.
The pages flipped by one by one while Twilight hummed to herself. For once she felt like she was moving forward in her own studies. She wasn’t just going to need every new discovery explained to her about this time period, but would actually get what… pet play was. She stopped for a moment, before deciding to just continue, ignoring the random page she had picked. It sounded a bit… odd to say the least.
Finally, she landed upon the article, and immediately began to skim the paragraphs. She could already feel her essence being warmed up at the details she skimmed, only seeking to know the gist of it as she tried to ease herself into a set of topics that she had never heard of before. Her time, from what her mom had told her at least, kept to themselves, never really talked, and definitely did not do things like this. It was a large part of what drove her to stay in, because that was the cultural norm back then. “Different cultures I suppose.”
She got to the ‘do it yourself’ part, and swallowed hard. Rarity was correct that Twilight would be able to do it by herself, but it was so… alien to her. She glanced to another part of the page with tips on how to help enhance or make the experience easier on oneself, and while most of them made her want to crawl into a hole and never come out, there were one or two that did help. Especially, Think of those that mean a lot to you, and think of them sexually, or with increased need.
“Step one, lay back.” She nodded to herself, floating herself and the book a bit higher, before leaning back, and becoming parallel to the ground. She glanced to the book. “Start your thoughts if you need to, and then put a hoof to… it.” A groan accompanied the reading, her embarrassment at the word seeming childish at this point.
No! Just relax Twilight. The book says to relax, so you will! She pretended to take in a deep breath, using one of Sunset’s meditation techniques to calm her essence. With her mind already being in that area, she smiled to herself and decided that Sunset would be a good place to start, what with her being the wraith’s best friend.
She ditched imagining the two of them sexually, as she thought she may need to read more of the book before she could do that, but instead focused on how much she meant to her. Sunset was one of the two ponies who had found her. No matter what happened, the two were always going to be friends, and Twilight didn’t know a pony who she was closer to.
And yet, you almost got her and everypony else killed. Is that closeness?
Her essence rippled, and she grit her teeth. Her mind tried to shift away from the thought. She had plenty of other friends who cared for her. They would have always figured out how to fix Sunset, and always be happy together. Through thick and thin, she would always have them to support her.
But how do you have them, when they normally can’t even try to touch you?
She tried to rebuttle, but a hole deep in her essence throbbed, the same one that she had dipped into to save Sunset. Face it. You are an abomination. Incomplete. Nothing can love you, and you can love nothing, for you are empty.
“I… I’m not.”
If this house collapsed, would you feel it? You missed a thousand years of life? Don’t you ever wish you could get compensation for that time. Maybe the power to make another immortal?
Twilight felt a shiver to her essence. Her eyes were still shut tight, but she heard its last words. Don’t you wish to ever feel how you did about your mother? Or how you’re supposed to feel about the mare you think of now? Return their feelings? She grit her teeth as black and green smoke bled from her shut eyelids.
“Twilight?”
She was alone. No matter who she thought of, she felt nothing for them. Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity… all of them were no-
“Twilight!”
Her eyes snapped open, and the wraith looked to the door. The gray aura coming around her blocked her vision for a moment, until she looked down, and saw Sunset standing there. She looked absolutely terrified, and a glance around her proved why. The wood was bent from the cold and ice that had formed, and skeletal hooves stuck out of the floorboards. Twilight shook, her essence in tatters right now as the holes in her cloak had become huge, jagged gashes. She held her hooves out, the aura slowly going away. “Hold me, please?”
Even though Sunset could not hold her, having the mare beside her caused the power in her to quell. The wraith’s mind became silent, the thoughts of destruction and decay drifting farther and farther away, as another hoof, invisible to Sunset, put a hoof to Twilight’s back. The gray mare smiled, and whispered, “I’m sorry I could not fix that part of you, my little filly.”
The ghost faded into nothing as Sunset tried nuzzling into Twilight, and stayed by the wraith’s side throughout the night.