Sometimes it's best not to come out of your shell...
You wake up in the middle of the night with a terrible craving for a daisy, clover, and wheatgrass sandwich.
You’d never had cravings like this before you got to Equestria, but considering they eat grass and flowers and shit, it’s about the tastiest thing you can find. You’ve heard somewhere that clovers are toxic in large amounts. Fuck it. You’re not sure if that’s true, but you’ll probably find out eventually.
With a groan of hunger and frustration, you stumble out of bed, naked from the waist up and still half asleep. Well, maybe mostly asleep. Maybe 90% asleep. You try to pull your blanket over your shoulders, but you’re too lazy and it falls to the floor.
Fuck it.
Without bothering to pick it up, you walk like a drunkard out into the hallway, swaying and crashing into walls with every step. Your bumblings make loud sudden thumps and bangs as you collide with the sides of the hallway. You pause to tell the walls to shut the fuck up, they’ll wake everyone in the house. You think the walls look repentant but give them one last solid kick just in case they haven’t learned their lesson.
You squint down the hallway but it doesn’t look at all familiar.
Fuck it, keep walking.
It gets cold and the floor feels wet and icy below your feet. You wish you’d brought slippers.
Fuck it, keep walking.
Very suddenly, you run face first into a cold wooden wall. Stupid wall, you thought you’d put it in it’s place last time. With a grumble you give the wall another solid kick and it gives way, swinging inward.
Oh. That was a door.
Stupid door, making you think it was a wall. You shuffle through the doorway and kick the door shut again behind you, just in case it gets any ideas about following you.
Where’s the fucking kitchen? This hall doesn’t seem to be getting any more familiar, but you know it has to lead to something. Maybe another door might work. These stupid tricksie doors seem to be taunting you right now.
You raise a foot, taking no chances, and forcefully kick a door down at random with a mighty Thud. Let there be food in here, you pray. Please, or I’ll start eating furniture, and that was anything but tasty last time. You stand, foot still raised in the doorway, while you eyes adjust to the darkness.
The room before you is unfamiliar, cramped, and cluttered. Posters of Trixie cover the walls, shimmering with what might be glitter. The floor shines, maybe linoleum, and a bed stands in one corner of the room. From the bed you hear a soft male giggle and groan. What the fuck? No male ponies live in your house. Come to think of it, this doesn’t even look like your house really.
The shape in the bed shifts, shivering. It lets out another whimpering sound.
Where are you? What is this shit? This is not your beautiful house…
You should walk away right now, but you just can’t help yourself. Curiosity is taking you over.
Once more: Fuck it.
You approach the bed slowly, hearing a strange sliding sound from your feet as they glide across the slick, moist floor. Slick moist floor? What the fuck? Are the floors in league with walls and doors now? You reach a trembling hand out for the blanket covered shape in the bed. You grip the sheet and with a jerk pull it back.
Suddenly, you’re very much awake. And also no longer hungry.
Before you lies a small youngish pony names Snails, a unicorn you’ve seen around town a few times. He’s lying on his back, touching his own chest and genitals lovingly. Knobs like massive warts move slowly around his skin as he whimpers in pleasure.
Wait, they’re not warts, they’re...
Snails.
He’s completely covered, head to toe, including his dick, in live, moving snails.
You jolt backwards with a horrified cry. Where are you? How did you get here? Fuck, that cold ground must have been outside! You walked all the way to his house, kicked down the door, and went into his room! Never mind your possible trespassing charge though, what the fuck is he doing?!
Snails sits up in bed with a start. His long legs flail around like a spider’s as snail slime drips from his mane and coat.
“A-anon! What’re you doin here!” he cries.
He reaches to cover his genitals, but doesn’t do anything to remove the snails still slithering over his body.
You feel your stomach lurch.
“What are you DOING?” you scream, trying not to puke.
He blinks at you, his eyes welling up with tears and his lip quivering.
“Buh-but anon, I’m just doin what I was born to do!” he says. “It’s my cutie mark! I’m meant to sexually please snails!”
Wat.
“WHAT?!” you demand.
“Well I don’t have to suck dicks or anything, and they can be male or female so I just imagine they’re all girls when they’re rubbing their parts on me.”
“No...stop...stop talking!” you say.
“But it’s natural, Anon!”
“No!”
He gets up, the snails sliding down his body to the floor which you realize now is completely covered in snail slime. You stumble back and slip, falling onto your butt in the sticky gunk. Snails just keeps approaching you, his snail minions in front of him in a line like battalion.
“Aw, they like you,” he says with a smile, his horn glowing light green. “And I’ll do anything to please my snails.”
The door magically slams shut behind you, plunging the room into darkness.
What is he saying? God damn it, all you wanted was a snack!
You feel the snails crawling up your legs, finding their way under your boxers. No, no you have to stop this, oh god no! They’re everywhere now, all over your body, their slime seeping into your very pours. You feel their moist suction on your dick.
What the fuck, no, it wasn’t supposed to be like this! Doors, walls, help me! I’m sorry I was ever mean to you! You hear Snails sighing happily in the darkness.
“Just imagine it’s pussy juice all over you,” he says as the snails reach your face and begin to push their slime into your mouth and nose. “And don’t worry, they’ll be very gentle when they get into your butt.”
You try to scream, but the slime coats your mouth so all that comes out is a massive sticky bubble. At least the slime is keeping the vomit rising in your throat down, but that’s hardly any consolation. You’ve covered now, they’re everywhere. EVERYWHERE!
But you can’t stop them. Even as you reach to try to pull the snails off of you, they just slime out of the way, and your fingers are now too slick to get a real grip on anything, including your sanity. You thrash on the floor as the snails find their way into your most personal and private of areas (that is to say your anus) and play their snail games there till morning’s light.
And that’s how you lost your virginity.
-End-