Oi, you fucking horny git. You're about to be balls-deep in all the mares (and maybe a few stallions, if you're into that sort of thing) of Ponyville.
Oi, you fucking horny git. You're about to be balls-deep in all the mares (and maybe a few stallions, if you're into that sort of thing) of Ponyville.
This is a collection or anthology with chapters connected by meaningful transitions. Jump around the story at your own risk; the chapters are in a purposeful sequencial order. New chapters added twice a week.
Aye Carrumba! Here you were, just jacking off to your MegaManXXX porn, when this fucking portal just opened up in your semen-and-food-stained carpet and swallowed you whole. Next thing you know, you're standing in Equestria naked with a bunch of ponies staring at you. Actually you freak out a lot about the nakedness; you're not used to other creatures' eyes gazing upon your (probably) white overweight (mostly) straight middle class young adult body. However, luckily for you, ponies are used to going naked, so the fact that the portal ate up all your clothes doesn't even matter! Furthermore, it's springtime, which means the mares are in estrus! That means the unicorns aren't the only horny ones. If you know what I mean. Which you totally do. You horse fucker.
"Oh hey," says Twilight Sparkle, the defacto leader of the herd. she concentrates really hard, clenching her eyes and the anal sphincter surrounded by her taut, sculpted butt, and her horn gets all glowly and sparky. And with a "poof!" sound effect, her 5 friends materialize next to her thanks to the power of magic.
After giving them a moment to reorient themselves (Flutters, poor dear, had a carrot stuck in her vagina on account of being in the middle of masturbating furiously when Twilight so rudely teleported her.), Twilight drops her voice to a sulky satin and says, "Oh girls, why don't we give this man the Ponyville Welcome, and their pupils dialate and their vaginas moisten and their breathing quickens and their teats harden and a few other physiological things happen which show they are very very ready for hot sex with a human. Mostly though, it's that they have a look in their eyes of thirstiness thirstier than Pearl was thirsty for Rose in Adventure Time Steven Universe.
"So, Mr. Human," Dash asks brashly, "Who do you want to fuck first?"
What a conundrum!
Oh hell, why not Fluttershy. If she's good enough for Knighty, she's good enough for you!
You approach Fluttershy gingerly as to not frighten her. She still looks frightened. By everything. Maybe it's season 1 still. Except Twilight clearly has wings. Maybe somethings just never change.
You decide to just be direct. "So, uh Fluttershy, you wanna have sex?"
She squeaks. To be fair, she squeaks at everything. Sometimes instead of a squeak it's a "squee", which is even cuter.
"Ummm, although estrus has turned me into a mindless fucking machine like every female in every mares-in-heat fic ever, I really don't feel comfortable having sex with someone I've literally just met. Also, I still have a carrot in my vagina."
"Oh," you reply, disappointed.
Buuuut, I've been practicing some new wingjob techniques on Harry the Bear. I'd love to get a second opinion on my pleasuring prowess." God damn that lip bite is just killing you.
"I'm game. Your cottage?" You quickly reply as your member swells even harder in anticipation.
"No," she says firmly. "Right here, right now." Oh wow. You're hard, so obviously you like the idea, and so make no motion to resist as she pushes you gently onto your back in the grass and squats down in front of you so she can fondle your balls in her mouth, while her wings have full access to work their magic. And then she goes to work.
All your preconceptions are shredded to shreads. Wing jobs are amazing, slightly tickilish but ultimately tittilating. And the mare has such a fucking dirty look on her face as she manipulates your dick with her soft feathers, a face that says "Oh my, I'm making a human come, how exciting!" Seriously, she has the wings of an angel. A generic angel. Not Angel Bunny. Because ew gross, honestly, sex with an animal is just messed up! But magical talking horses are fine. Man, you are such a fucking hypocrite, but honestly, who cares, because you're getting a wing job from Fluttershy and it's fucking fantastic.
Ten minutes later you're lying in the grass, starting to get itchy, because you're allergic to grass. Should have thought this one through. Oh well, guess you'll have to take a hot bath with the spa twins a few chapters from now or something.
Anyway, after than exciting escapade, you're ready to go at it again. Who should you bang next? "OO OO OO DO ME DO ME DO ME!" Pinkie Pie screams. "I WANNA HAVE SEX WITH A HUMAN!" She's so obliviously loud and bombastic, it's almost like she's a poor parody of herself trapped in sloppily written clopfic. But hey, you're not going turn down sex with Pinkie Pie, are you? You'd have to be oatmeal, I mean crazy, to do that! "Well, Pinkie Pie," you respond coyly, "it just so happens that I want to have sex with you."
"OKIE DOKIE LOKIE WELL GET ON MY BACK AND AWAY WE'LL RIDE TO THE MAGICAL HUMPING LAND OF THE LOFT ABOVE SUGAR CUBE CORNER AND WE CAN BE AS LOUD AS WE WANT BECAUSE I BOUGHT THE CAKES EARPLUGS AFTER THEY COMPLAINED LAST TIME!"
You're about to mount her in the only non-sexual way in this entire story, but rather to actually ride her like a horse to her house, when Twilight trots over and whispers in your ear "You're a very brave man, dude. You have my admiration, respect, sympathy, and greatest condolences." Whatever that ominous phrase means. Then you mount Pinkie Pie and she gallops off to the bakery at a breakneck pace, you holding onto her poofy hair for your dear life.
You walk in with her beside you somehow not out of breath, and see lines of white powder on the counter. "OH HEY, THE CAKES LEFT ME SOME EXTRA BAKING POWDER!" She dashes over and starts snorting the lines up her nostril, not even bothering to use a straw, just mashing her muzzle into the wood. She looks up with a bloody nose, grinning. "YOU WANT TO TRY SOME?!"
"Uh, Pinkie," you start nervously, "I don't think that's baking powder. I'm pretty sure that's cocaine powder."
"OH, WELL, DUH! I SUBSTITUTE IT OUT IN ALL MY RECIPES!" Huh. That explains a frighting amount about Pinkie Pie. And Ponyville in general. "Yeah, I think I'll pass on your offer. But thank you." You silently pray the CMC never try to get drug manufacturing or distributing or selling or consuming or pretty much anything cutie marks.
"YOUR LOSS, SILLY FILLY; MORE FOR ME!" And she just starts licking the rest of the coke lines up. Fuck the mare's intense.
"Alright buddy, last one on my bed with no clothes on is a rotten catapillar!" And she's off up the stairs in a flash. You take a moment to use the restroom and hydrate before you follow her. This could be a looooooong afternoon.
When you reach the bedroom she tackles you onto the bed with a manic grin. "OKAY LET'S HAVE SEX!!! I CALL TOPSIES!" she shouts and she throws you down onto your back, jumps into the air, and lands right on your dick, her pussy slamming over it. Thank goodness she had good aim with her genital dive bomb. Penis fractures are bad news beavers. And then she starts bouncing up and down on it. Rapidly. Very rapidly.
Oh god it's like someone took one of those Bad Dragon pony pussy fleshlights, attacted it to the end of a jigsaw like they do with dildos in those weird Japanese BDSM videos, and started hammering away at your dick. Not that your complaining. Your dick loves it. The rest of your pelvis though? It's growning sore and tingly and numb all at the same time. And she just keeps going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and goingand going and going and going and goingand going and going and going and going fuck you've cummed like 5 times and she's still going strong. Did she slip viagra in your coffee this morning or something? and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going and going... (you should zoom in.) . . . .
You wake up in a hospital a week later, unsure why you can't feel your legs or why there's a catheter snaking out of your dick. Surrounding you are flowers and get well cards, and there's a "Sorry I Fractured Your Pelvis" cake on the nightstand. Well fuck, You're paralyzed from the waist down. Paralysis by snu snu. Oh well, still worth it.
Faust almighty, having a fractured pelvis and lower body paralysis sucks donkey cock. It would hurt to pee, except you can't feel a thing down there. And that's really frustrating. You're feeling super antsy and horny cramped up in the hospital bed for two weeks with no way to relieve your urges. Fuck they won't even let you take the catheter out to wack off a quickie. Should have thought twice before copulating with the living vibrator.
However, it isn't all bad. You strike up a nice relationship with nurse Redheart. I'm sure you'll shag her later on. And the magitech they have here is pretty impressive, with a battery of healing spells applied to you daily. Plus the national healthcare is spot on, which is good because this shit would have bankrupted you back in the good ol' U.S. of A. Anyway, you start to get feeling back in your lower body after a week and start doing physical therapy after two weeks and by the third week, thanks to the magic of modern medicine, you're soon ready to again do it like they do on the Discovery channel.
Your eyes fall upon the fair Rarity. "Rarity," you say, bowing like the gentleman you wish you were, "May I have the presence of your company in bed?"
Rarity titters. "Darling, if you wish to bone this pone, you must first seduce me. I am no mere slut."
So you take her on a romantic weekend retreat to Mareongo Resort and Casino, complete with wine tasting, a trip to the spa, luxurious massages (the Spa Twins apparently have extended family in the business.), some light gambling, and of course a bunch of 5 star dinners which you pay for easily thanks to the job you took up as a human gigalo. Having whirlwindedly romanced her, you take a private coach back to Ponyville. It's Sunday afternoon, and Rarity, satisfied by the pampering you have provided, begins a striptease in her bedroom at the carousel Boutique. She's one of the few ponies who actually can do a strip tease since most of them don't even wear clothes most of the time. Somehow it's even sexier when she does it than that Mackenzie broad at the strip club. Then she drops upon the bed and motions for you to come hither. You do, and soon enough you have sheathed your sword.
It feels like hundreds of little marshmallows–each having received a certificate of excellence from the Lickatongue School of Erotic Tongue Massage–are licking your dick in syncronized splendor, and it's great. Never has sex with a creature that's highly likely to in fact be made of pure refined marshmellowly goodness ever felt this good. You're about to cum after just 20 seconds in this gooey sugary wonderland when suddenly Sweetie Belle bursts through the door, shouting something innane about cutie marks and sisterly bonding time and parents being on a spa weekend, when she sees you bending Rarity over her fainting couch, jamming your cock into her snatch repeatedly. This startles you greatly, and inasmuch the next thrust of your penis in her vagina is exceptionally powerful. This bring you both, despite the presence of an unintentional voyeer, to a roaring mind-shattering climax right in front of said voyeer, her sister. The filly just stands there slack jawed while trying to process the scene in front of her. Eventually, her brain decides to go with the output of:
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
So you end up agreeing to split the cost of 17 hours of therapy for Sweetie with Rarity. But hey, that's a price you're more than willing to pay for the opportunity to fuck Rarity.
