Little things I've written that don't fit anywhere else.
Every once in a while, I write something that:
1) Doesn't fit into a full story, or
2) Is a story that I was planning on writing, but ended up scrapping due to lack of interest before it ever even got into the publishing phase, or
3) Is just something that happens because I am dumb and occasionally impulsive.
So this is where I'm going to put them! I'll put more up as I fish it out, or in the future if I decide to write something but then lose the inspiration.
There'll be an occasional teen bit in here, but don't expect anything terribly offensive, and nothing mature.
Oh mare, how did Rarity find me here? I thought this place was super-secret. The only other pony who knows about this spot and what it means is...
...Pinkie Pie. Of course. I knew I should have gotten her to make a Pinkie Promise to keep this spot a secret. She's totally gonna pay next time I see...
"Rainbow Dash!"
Oh right. Sitting here quietly probably isn't helping matters. She sounds mad. Like, really mad. Why would she be mad? Gotta say something to make her happy. Something perfect that'll totally make everything cool.
"Hey Rares."
Nailed it.
"How could you do such a thing? I was honored that my sweet Rainbow was finally requesting that I design an outfit for her...and this is what...unbelievable!"
Ugh, how did that not work? She loves that nickname. And what's she so upset about anyway? I'm wearing the outfit. That's good, right? And I am making it look good. Though everything she makes looks good, pretty much. And this outfit is perfect for this! It blends in perfectly with my hiding bush, and stealth is super-important when Spitfire and the Wonderbolts suddenly fly right there right behind Rarity oh mare there they go zooming right past in formation that's so awesome this must be a new formation they've never flown like that in all the times...
"Rainbow Dash!!"
Oh right, Rarity's still looking. Gotta look back at her, even if it means missing this trick. Oh mare she looks mad. Gotta put on the innocent look. Whatever's wrong, I can probably get away with it by pretending I don't know. Which is really easy when I don't. Did I miss another one of her fashion shows? Play it cool, Dash. Easiest way to find out? Ask her what's up.
"What's up?"
Just like that. The Dash is a smooth customer.
"What's up? What's up? You are using my hard work to...to stalk the Wonderbolts! How crude! Despicable! Outrageous! Reprehensible..."
Ugh. What is she, a dictionary? Did I accidentally start dating a white Twilight? Are all unicorns like this? Oh geez, she's still going. What is this, like eight different words? Who even knows so many words that mean the same thing? That's pointless. Unnecessary. Ridiculous. ...Aw hay, now she's got me doing it! Gah...what's she so upset about anyway? It's not like she didn't...
...Oh I got this.
"Is it as crude and despicable and whatever as it was when I flew you over Sapphire Shores' house to look down at her patio last week?"
Aw yeah. Not much to say to that, huh? Dangit, she looks so cute when she's at a loss for words. Now turn it around.
"It's cool, beautiful. I totally forgive you."
Look. At. That. Smile. Rainbow Dash, you are totally amazing. Now give her a kiss.
Applejack sighed to herself. Today wasn't going well at all. For some reason, one she couldn't explain if she tried, today was just not a good day for business. She had no clue why; she wasn't doing anything different from what she usually did. She was selling the same products, in the same place, with the same ponies coming around. So what, exactly, was the problem?
"Hi Jackie!" Pinkie said cheerfully, bouncing up and giving Applejack a smooch on the cheek.
"Well hay there, Pink Lady," AJ responded.
"Why the long face?" Pinkie asked. AJ raised a brow, not even having realized she was frowning.
"Uh...well, I guess it's on account of my sales ain't looking too good today," AJ responded. Pinkie giggled and gave her a nuzzle.
"That's cause you're all gloomy!" she responded, smiling.
"...So I'm frowning cause I ain't making sales, and I ain't making sales cause I'm frowning?" Applejack asked.
"Yup!" Pinkie said. She tossed an apple at the farmer, who caught it. She inspected the apple, only to see that Pinkie had painted a big "22" on it with edible paint.
"What's with the 22?" AJ asked. Then she shook her head. "Actually, nevermind. So do you really think smiling will help?"
"Of course!" Pinkie bubbled, still holding the paintbrush she'd used. "Here, watch!" The pink pony whirled around Applejack's cart, painting on all the apples.
"Pinkie! What do ya think you're doing?!" AJ shouted.
"Oh don't worry, it's edible paint!" Pinkie giggled. She then showed an apple to AJ. A big smiley face had been painted on it.
"...You painted smiles on my apples," AJ said.
"Yuppers!" Pinkie responded. "Now they're smiley apples! Or SMAPPLES! Ouh, smapples is really fun to say! Say it! Say it!!"
"...Smapples," AJ said, rolling her eyes with a smile.
"It sounds even funnier when you say it!" Pinkie said, nuzzling AJ's cheek.
"Thanks, Pink Lady," Applejack replied. "But do you really think this'll increase sales? I mean, it's just..."
"Ooh, is that apple smiling?" came Bon-Bon's voice as she trotted up to the cart. "I'll take four!"
"I want some too!" Cheerilee exclaimed as she stepped up. "They're adorable!" Before Applejack knew it, her cart was flooding with customers. She looked at Pinkie incredulously. Pinkie just smiled back at her.
AJ made a mental note to herself as she took care of all of her sudden transactions. She knew she shouldn't have doubted Pinkie Pie.
1 day rarty was waking around ponyvil n she was board "were is evrypony?" she ask but no1 ansered cuz their wasnt no1 around so she looked at sweaty bell n sad "lets go 2 the park darking" but sweaty wasnt their ether so she just went 2 park alone
alovasuden this big hol opend up n rarty almost feint but didnt cause she didnt have her cooch with her (remembr from lesson zero she keeped faling on it lol) n the grownd waz durty so she didnt feint. so the hol spit out this thing n rarty was like "omc" cause its like omg xcept celstia instead of god. the thing waz tall it had hare n it waked on 2 feet n it had a big box. rarty said "darling ur fashin sense is bad let me fix u" n she went up 2 him even tho she didnt not kno wat he was.
"hello rarty my name is jeff dunham" sad jeff dunmah he was waring blue jeens n nike air hightops n a shirt that sad aeropostale on it n his hare was all spikey
"hello jeff dunam my name is rarty" sad rarty she start 2 blush cuz he was so hansom but she try to hide it
"do u want 2 see my pupets?" sad jeff dunam he moved a hand thru his hare n rarty gigled
"yes plz" sad rarty she look at the box n wonder what inside.
"ok" sad jef dumhan he open box n pull out a pupet it loked real old like if ganny smith was pupet xcept also a humen n a boy
"this is walter say helo walter" sad jeff donham "baaah who cares" sad walter xcept it was realy jeff duham sayin it cause hes a ventoquist rarty laughed she poke walter n jeff dunjam pull him back "y is a horse touching me only time horse touching me is my wife" rarty laugh more n say "jeff ur so funy" "he isnt funy im funy only thing funy about him is his prias" say walter but again not relly jeff make mad face
"ur cute two" sad rarty then she gasp n cover moth with hoof she didnt meen 2 say that! jeff dunahm blush n say "i came here cause i want 2 meat u rarty i never meat ponys b4 n ur realy pretty" rarty gigle n sad "thank u darling um wood u wanna 2 go out with me?" jeff blush A LOT n start 2 anser but then voice come out of box "whose out there?" sad voice jeff laugh "im taking 2 rarty" he smile at rarty "sorry thats peanut" rarty sad "ok"
"OMC HUMEN" sad lyra sudenly cause she likes humens lol so she run up n say "i wana touch ur hands gimme ur hands!" so rarty get mad n take jeffs hand n say "i asked him 2 go out with me 1rst darking u go find anohter humen!" lyra shake her head n sad "i wasnt taking about him i ment HIM" n kiss walter on the cheek walter would blush but he cant cause hes a pupet "ok ur pretier than my wife" walter say sudenly rarty gets an idea! "ideaaaaaaaaaaaa!" rarty say "we can doble date!" jeff smile n sad "but walter is a pupet"
"that is ok ill help!" twilit spakle sad as she fly in "im an alicron i can mak him be alife!" rarty n lura n jeff hundam smile n walter cant smile cause he still pupet rite now but even if he was alife he probaly wont smile cause he angy a lot. so then twilite cast spell n her horn was all shinny than walter was al shinny he went up in2 the air n shaked n rarty lyra n jeff all look up at him. then their was a BIG LIGHT n all the pones plus heff felled down backwords
"did it work"? sad rarty as she got up "i hop so" lyra sad she dust herself off n look 2 where waler was n walter was on ground "o noez" say lyra "he ded?" but walter wasnt dead he was alife! "water ur alife!" yelled lyra she run up n hug watler a lot rarty n jeff dawwwed n watch the hapy cople hug. walter smile even tho he never smile b4 n sad "ur pretier than my wife" n it was funy cause he always taking about how his wife old n ugly. rarty use magic to pull jeff dunham to her n she hug him 2 "we should go 2 dinner daling" rarty sad jeff laugh "ok"
they went 2 dinner all 4 of them 2gether n rarty staired in2 jeffs eyes "jeff i never met any1 as nice n perfet as u will u mary me?" sad rarty, lyra gigled n sad "oooh ill b a bridmade but not like pricess cadanse wedding were i jumped down a hole" evry1 laugh "that was my favrite episode" jeff sad then he smile 2 rarty "of coarse ill mary u" they made a kiss n walter sad "my wife is old" n evry1 laugh even more! they order the food n evry1 happy when sudenly! everything go bad
"who order the peper salad?" sad the waiter "i did!" say jeff so waiter gave him the peper salad n jeff look at it n sceam "NOOOOOOOO" evry1 looked n it was hose halapanyo on a stick in the salad!! jeff cryed "WHYYYYYYYY" n the waiter sudenly turn in2 king sobra! "HAHA I KILL UR FREND" he laugh n start thowing crystals evrywere! rarty n lyra look at each other "it's UNICRON TIME" they yelled at top of lung! rarty n lyra jump in2 the air n put hooves 2gether, then they fuse n become RARLYRA! king sobra get scarred "SUCH POWER" he yell n try 2 run but it was too late! rarlyra power up n blast him with MEGA UNICRON MAGIC! sobra felled down n was ded again!
"yay!" sad evry1 xcept jeff dumhan he was still sad "my frend is ded" jeff sad (he ment hose not sobra he would NEVER be frends with sobra" n evry1 cryed but then twilite came again! she point her horn at hose n sad "arbadek adava" (lol get it its avada kedabra backwords) n hose come back 2 life! evry1 huged twilite n then rarty n jeff duhnam got maried n lifed hapily ever after!
ChefMKT walked down the street, enjoying the candy handed to him by the strange little pony with the obnoxious voice. He hadn't wanted to take it, but given the option of listening to her talk or accepting the gift and leaving, the choice was obvious.
"How do you like your shhpecial gift?" a voice behind him called, a voice he wished he never had to hear again.
"Um...they're great," Chef said dismissively, starting to walk a little faster.
"Did you tashhte the shhecret ingredient yet?" Twist asked, a smile crossing her face. "It'shh shhooooo shhuper!!"
"Uh..no," Chef said. "I don't think I..." Chef's face suddenly paled, its pallor resembling that of a freshly-cleaned sock.
"I think it's shhtarting to kick in!" the candy cane-obsessed pony sang malevolently. ChefMKT began to feel woozy. The world spun around him, uncaring of his orientation.
"Flips and whiskers, what have you done to me?" Chef muttered, beginning to fade. Twist simply laughed, a laughter which echoed through Chef's drug-addled head. He made one final attempt at regaining full cognizance, but the special ingredient proved far too strong, and he fell to the ground with a powerful THUD.
"Shhweet dreamshh!" Twist laughed as she began dragging the fallen Chef towards her home.
ChefMKT's eyes opened slowly, his world a blur. As his vision cleared, he glanced at his surroundings. He had no idea where he was, but he soon realized that he was lying in red and white striped bed.
"Crikey, where am I?" Chef called. He tried to get up, but whatever was in those candy canes was too strong, and he couldn't budge. Just then, he saw Twist trot into the room. The irritating pony was dressed from head to hoof in black leather, and she carried a pair of handcuffs in her mouth.
"Oh no!" Twist said upon seeing Chef stirring. "You woke up waaaay too shhoon!" Before Chef could protest, Twist had already shoved a bunch of candy canes into his mouth.
"Now where'd I leave that shhilly bullwhip?" Twist asked no one in particular as Chef once again lost consciousness.
Once upon a time, there was a young filly named Difference. She thought it to be a very curious name indeed, but she liked it nonetheless. Little Difference liked to run and play, just like other fillies. But there were some things she did that weren't the same as other fillies.
Little Difference never thought much of her little differences. It was just her, her mommy, and her daddy, and she didn't have much reason to think about them at all. Every night, her mommy and daddy would hug her and tell her the same thing. "You are our Little Difference, and you are special."
One day, Little Difference went to her first day of school. She was very excited to see what school was like and meet ponies her age. When Little Difference and her class went outside to play, a few ponies came up to her. They asked her why she couldn't run the same way they did. Little Difference didn't know what to say. She didn't think anything was wrong with her running. But the other children thought so, and would stop and watch as Little Difference ran. It made her feel very bad, and she went home feeling very sad. She didn't know why she ran differently, but she wished she didn't.
When Little Difference got home, she told her mommy and daddy that she never wanted to go back to school again. She told them what happened, how the other children talked to her. When she finished, her mommy and daddy hugged her close to them. They told her, "You have your little differences, but that makes you special. Just because you are different does not make you worse than anypony. You are just as good as anypony else, and never forget that. You are our Little Difference, and you are special."
The next day, Little Difference went to school again. Some of the other children still looked at her while she ran, but she would not let that stop her from doing it. She might not have done it exactly like the other ponies, but she was Little Difference, and she was special.
Twilight Sparkle smiled a wide smile as her mind raced, images of what she had planned for the rest of her afternoon dancing through her head as she strode through Ponyville. It was rare that she set aside a block of time like this, a block of time that was meant purely for her own pleasure. Like most things in life, she usually liked to share this kind of experience with her closest friends. On rare occasions, though, she felt it appropriate and acceptable to treat herself, and herself alone. Today was certainly one of those occasions.
Hasty purple feet hurried through the castle entrance, eager to confine themselves and the body that owned them to a room where nopony would find them. Privacy was of the utmost importance for this; if Spike were to walk in on Twilight like this, it would be a disaster. Twilight didn't even know how she could start to explain it to the baby dragon, but figured it was best not to think about it. Spike could pick the lock to the bathroom door if he really wanted, but he wouldn't do that. Even if he would, she could easily keep the door closed with magic, but she doubted such a thing would be necessary.
Twilight telekinetically closed and locked the door, then sat down on the toilet. This was a strange place to be doing this, but it was easily the most private place she could think of. Sitting on the toilet with her sweatpants still on was also a bit strange, but that wasn't exactly her top concern. Her fingers danced eagerly along her box, wanting so badly to dig in. Finally, her middle finger penetrated the surface, pushing its way into her box. It was go time.
Twilight slowly opened the box's lid, taking a deep whiff of the delicious smell that came from it. The scent of freshly-baked muffins was so amazing, she'd briefly wondered why nopony had made the scent as a perfume before. Her fingers wrapped around the first blueberry muffin, and she let out a soft moan as she drew it towards her mouth. It was only the first of six, and yet she was already feeling weak in the knees from it. And that was just from a sniff; one could only imagine what would happen after a bite.
Imagination wasn't needed as the tip of the first muffin passed between Twilight's lips. She pushed an entire half of it inside, greedily taking as much as she could without choking. Her teeth came down upon it like pearly white guillotines, tearing it in twain. The half outside her mouth remained in her hand, temporarily safe from the happy carnage that Twilight had in store for its doomed brethren.
Twilight let out a groan of delight as her teeth crushed the muffin half over and over. Each bite brought her more delight, her world filled with joy as the tastes of the spongy cake and the sweet blueberries melded in her mouth. The blueberries were small, but each one of them burst with flavor as her molars flattened them and squeezed their precious juices out. Twilight chewed and chewed, unable to get enough of the delicious morsel in her mouth. She never wanted this moment to end.
Once she had finished chewing that half of the muffin, Twilight decided that it was time for the rest. A proper pony would have swallowed what was already in her mouth first, but she was alone, and thus had nopony to be proper in front of. She popped the other half of muffin into her mouth, nudging the last of it in with a fingertip before closing her lips behind it. Her teeth went to work once more, happy to reunite this half of the muffin with its already-pulverized twin. Teeth tore through grain like some sort of mouthwatering massacre, mashing the morsel into mincemeat. Little sounds of pleasure escaped Twilight's throat as she continued to munch, her cheeks puffed out unabashedly. Perhaps she would have been more dainty if somepony else was around, but she could let herself go in her solitude. Rarity would have had a fit, had she bore witness to it.
Twilight's teeth continued to work the muffin vigorously. She was certain that she felt another blueberry somewhere in there, but was having a hard time finding it. She could have just swallowed right then and there, but that was an amateur move. She needed to find that blueberry and mutilate it, savoring every last bit of flavor it had to offer. It took a few moments longer, but her efforts were eventually rewarded as her molars descended upon the fruit. The extra explosion of flavor was enough to make Twilight let out a long, sustained moan of delight. Everything in Twilight's world at this very moment was wonderfully, perfectly right.
Twilight mmmed as she gathered the remains of the muffin towards the back of her throat, then closed her eyes and leaned her head back slightly as she swallowed. She almost missed it as it traveled down her throat, but took solace in the aftertaste. She savored that aftertaste for a good few moments, giggling lightly to herself. Then she felt a piece of blueberry still stuck between her teeth. She tongued at it a bit, biting a few more times to try and loosen it. It held on valiantly and pointlessly, as its fate was already sealed, but eventually could hold no longer. Down it went to join the rest.
Twilight let out a very happy sigh. That had to be the most delicious muffin she'd ever eaten; not a surprise, as it came straight from Sugarcube Corner. As she picked the next one up, she considered saving one for Spike, but the scent changed her mind. She'd go out and get something different for him later. These were all for her.
