Taco Night
It seemed strange to Twilight that the tiniest details were so meaningful to her.
A well-worn brass plate screwed into place on a wooden panel that hung slightly cocked to the right on the wall. Just below it was a large, blown-up picture of Fluttershy pressing gaily against her Twilight behind a desk, surrounded by haphazard stacks of books with a massive pile of papers sitting in front of them. The glass cover and the wooden frame were spotless, while the plaque was pimpled with small oil stains and smelled vaguely like cat urine.
“The Canterlot Society of Animal Safety and Medicine board on the formal training programs in Veterinary Preventive Medicine, Animal Health, and Veterinary Surgery hereby bequeaths FLUTTERSHY with the certification to operate as a Veterinarian within the Equestrian state with honors, as 1st in her class with perfect performance as well as attendance. Approved by Director Cat’s Meow.”
That had been almost two months ago. It was incredible how quickly time moved forward and left its mark on something as simple as a plaque on the wall, while tender loving care removed all signs of wear and tear from the picture above. With the old veterinarian having moved to Manehatten, it left Fluttershy with the freedom to essentially take over the building and start her own practice.
Twilight’s heart swelled with pride as she stared at the twin masterpieces of both her own and Fluttershy’s accomplishments in the past three years. Fluttershy had lived quietly and peacefully just outside of Ponyville for years, helping the wild animals and whoever came by with a hurting pet to the best of her abilities. While she was a smart mare with plenty of on-hoof experience, Twilight discovered that she had no formal veterinary training. She mostly learned through experience, reading, and communicating with the wildlife.
It started as a simple curiousity: why not go to school and get more formal training? Fluttershy had been resistant at first, content with her life, but with Twilight’s quiet encouragement, Fluttershy found herself back in class, practically rocketing through her courses with unseen speed, and displaying skills on par with most veterans of the field. Now armed with ample knowledge of medicines and anatomy, the privilege of ordering a huge variety of animal medicine, and the license to do her job within town limits, Fluttershy had gone from a meek little mare by the forest to one of the best veterinarians the Canterlot schools had ever seen.
Of course, it wasn’t just by herself. Twilight had always been by her side, helping her study, bringing in books, tests, and trained experts to help coach Fluttershy after school to truly hammer in the qualities of a good veterinarian. Fluttershy was surprisingly responsive to the training, especially when it was just her and Twilight.
Especially when it was just her and Twilight.
Twilight’s smile turned a little sappy at the thought. Old memories surfacing of hooves brushing together at the study desk, leaning against each other for support and suppressing yawns, little jokes made, information traded…
Twilight had officially spent more time with Fluttershy than any of her other friends, and it showed.
The door opened behind Twilight. She turned to watch as Fluttershy walked in, wearing a doctor’s coat that was half buttoned, the stethoscope lazily hanging from her neck while her immaculate hair stayed full and bouncy, despite being full of dander and animal food.
“Okay, Twilight.” Fluttershy’s smile was warm. Twilight loved that smile. It did more than love her, it caressed her, eased her into relaxation, telling her everything would be okay for just a few minutes and nothing could go wrong. “Owlowiscious and I had a good talk in the back, didn’t we?” Fluttershy turned her body to show the small, brown owl had curled up, somehow making himself even smaller to hide himself.
“Hoo,” the owl answered sadly as Twilight gave them both a curious smile.
“That’s good. Do you know why he’s been having so many stomach aches, lately?” Twilight approached the two. While her goal was Owlowiscious, she couldn’t resist brushing her cheek against Fluttershy’s, the brief contact making them both warm up.
“Hoo…”
“Why you, you big, silly bird.” Fluttershy turned her head to watch Twilight as the alicorn attempted to get her pet to crawl onto her. Owlowiscious turned his head away and perched himself atop Twilight’s back in a huff. “It turns out he’s been eating a little more than the pellets you’re giving him. He’s grown a taste for the sugar water in the hummingbird feeder next door.”
“Huh. I remember Lyra mentioning something about having to replace her feeder more frequently.” Twilight gave Owlowiscious a knowing smile, making the owl shrink into himself. Fluttershy quietly stood by, letting her eyes freely roam the studious mare who had helped her get to her position today. Twilight turned to look while she felt Fluttershy snuggle against her tail. “We’ll have a talk with Lyra about it when we get home.”
“You could also try changing his feed to something a little more sweet,” Fluttershy offered, Twilight’s tail resting across her neck as they awkwardly twisted their heads to watch each other. “I’ll bring some samples when I come home tonight.”
“That would be great.” Twilight bobbed her head, then turned to press her neck to Fluttershy’s. Fluttershy stood still as their cheeks were pressed together, sharing the warmth of their necks and chests. “Our anniversary is tonight,” Twilight whispered into Fluttershy’s ear, making it twitch.
“Our anniversary?” Fluttershy whispered back, a bright red blush crossing her face. Owlowiscious, ever observant, fluttered onto a hatrack across the room to avoid the irradiated warmth leaking off the two twitterpated mares.
“Mhmm.” Twilight’s teeth gently sunk into the base of Fluttershy’s mane along her neck, drawing excited shudders from her mare.
“Our two week anniversary?” Fluttershy asked in deep amusement as Twilight snorted quietly. Fluttershy couldn’t stop herself from giggling at the thought. “I don’t know Twilight, an anniversary so early? Aren’t we moving a little fast?”
“Oh come on, Fluttershy.” Twilight turned to stand lengthwise against Fluttershy. She loved the way the doctor’s coat felt against her side. “We’ve been practically living together for three years. We’ve been doing that little ‘look-away’ game for six months and blushing at each other for almost two. If you think about it, we’ve been dating for a while.”
“I guess.” One of Fluttershy’s wings rested on top of Twilight’s, rubbing affectionately while giving Twilight a disbelieving chuckle. “But we’ve been really dating for only two weeks.”
Twilight’s smile cocked smugly before she spoke. “Three years of spending every night together doesn’t count?”
“Spending every night in the caress of a book while we intimately wrote notes and refilled the coffee machine over and over again?” Fluttershy’s hoof teasingly tapped the bottom of Twilight’s chin.
“We slept in the same bed while we were in Canterlot!”
“No, I slept in the bed while you stayed up and did your Princess reports.” Fluttershy began to giggle as Twilight huffed. “Not to mention we stayed at our places when we rode back to Ponyville on the weekends.”
“For like, four weeks. I think I moved into your place so we could keep studying during the night,” Twilight said pointedly, making Fluttershy laugh more.
“Oh, right, I’m sorry. I forgot about how much time we were dating because of how we were studying every time we were alone together. It’s almost like it was a study session instead of a date.” Fluttershy bat her eyes cutely, while Twilight’s nostrils flared.
“I made us tea and sandwiches…”
“Only when you remembered.”
“Well…” Twilight stomped her hoof. “Fine, but it’s important to me.”
“It is to me too.” Fluttershy leaned forward, and Twilight all but melted as their lips touched. An urgent want ran through her head, wanting to stuff her tongue into Fluttershy’s mouth and figure out what to do from there, but their lips barely parted, and the kiss was little more than sweet contact until Fluttershy pulled back. “I’m only teasing, Twilight.”
“Oh?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “O-oh! Right, right, teasing.” Twilight shuffled uncomfortably. As much as she and Fluttershy opened up and grew comfortable over the years, certain “marefriend” things only became obvious in the past few months, and she still missed a lot of them. “Sorry, it’s just, I really wanted to do something special.”
Fluttershy walked over to a desk filled with files and books, pushed aside some jars with compressors and q-tips, and set Owlowiscious’s papers down. “I know, Twi- eh, sweetie. You’ve been wanting to make every day special though.” Fluttershy gave her an appreciative smile before pulling a pencil out of a cup to write. “It’sh not that I dun’t apprecshiate it, bud I dun’t think we need to eat out ev’ry night, ‘r have a night picnic or dancshe all the time. Shometimesh we can jusht enjoy ourshelvesh at home.” Fluttershy mumbled before writing on the sheet.
Twilight fixed her mare with a small frown Fluttershy couldn’t see. In her relatively short life, Twilight had never really experienced romance before. She’d experienced dates, among other things, but she’d never really felt like this. Somehow, the past three years managed to make her and Fluttershy closer and more open, yet make things more complicated and frustrating. She adored Fluttershy, but her lack of romantic experience–from either of them–meant they were treading into new waters with no idea what to do.
She knew all the old cliches: a candle-lit dinner under the stars, a slow dance to live music, feeding each other food, small notes left around the house, awkward selfies of her butt slipped into Fluttershy’s lunch box, but she’d done all of it already. Two weeks in and they went through every cliche she could think of, and three of them were done in one night! Twilight wanted to gift-wrap every possible pleasure and moment she shared with Fluttershy and create new ones every second they were together, but she was running out of cliches, and honestly, bits as well.
It was also tough to tell what Fluttershy liked. The dinner and the dance she enjoyed, the feeding each other went poorly since Fluttershy lacked fork-experience, whenever Twilight left a note in the house Fluttershy always stuck it to her nose the next time they saw each other and kissed her, and she had no idea what happened to her rear shot.
It was with that thought she realized Fluttershy was giving her a little smile and a blush. Had she really been staring at Fluttershy’s butt the past few minutes? Not that that was a bad thing, technically that butt was part of her territory, and it was a fine piece of territory, too. Twilight had admired it for a while but usually not so blatantly. Fluttershy didn’t seem to mind, even lifting her tail an inch and giving it the shakiest wiggle Twilight had ever seen before returning to writing.
Right. Relationships also meant sexy stuff. That was going to be weird.
Maybe that’s what she meant by enjoying themselves at home…? No, she knew Fluttershy was about as subtle as a brick to the face when it came to sex. Innuendo and bed talk was accompanied by red faces, stuttering, and whimpers of fear. Which was probably why Twilight wasn’t surprised that Fluttershy kept looking back to see if she was still staring.
So no sex, no really romance-y stuff. What was there left? She supposed they could just spend time together… they’d done a lot of that over the years but she never really got tired of it. Maybe that would be appropriate. Turn on the radio, pull out a good book, chat and laugh again… this time without the pressure of Fluttershy’s grade on the line. That would be nice.
Still, she wanted to show Fluttershy she cared. She cared a whole lot too. Just some small gesture to show she was happy to have her mare home. Something.
Oh!
“Fluttershy,” Twilight called. A lucky time too, Fluttershy turned, the paper between her teeth to be filed away. “Do you have a favorite food, or a favorite snack or something like that?”
Fluttershy went to the filing cabinet and opened it up. After putting the paper back and shutting the cabinet, she answered. “I thought we were going to make a Water-Lily salad before the ingredients went bad.”
“Well yes, but that’s why I said ‘snack’. Just a little something to enjoy when it starts getting really late.” Twilight smiled, hoping the awkwardness of her voice didn’t dissuade Fluttershy. Fluttershy looked up to the ceiling thoughtfully, her wings opening and closing an inch every few seconds.
“Well, I mean, I like daisy sandwiches.” They had plenty of stuff for that, but Twilight had known that already. “Um, croissants are good.” Croissants sounded delicious actually… “Oh, and bean and cheese tacos.” Yes, the good old- wait.
“I didn’t know you had tacos before.” Twilight blinked. Considering they were foreign fare from across the seas, they weren’t in huge supply around a rural little place like Ponyville. However, Fluttershy could only smile.
“Oh I love tacos, especially bean and cheese. I really like them made from scratch, my momma used to make them every few years when I was little. It’s just so hard to find a good recipe.” Fluttershy gently shook her head, missing the huge smile Twilight was giving her.
“I know just where to find one, actually.” Twilight said, a bit more smugly than she’d meant to.
“You do?!” Fluttershy gasped, earning a nod from her marefriend. “Oh, but you don’t mean-”
“Why not? It couldn’t hurt to have it on hand. Besides, I haven’t had tacos in a while either. It’ll be good practice and good food.” Twilight stumbled as Fluttershy all but wrapped herself around her. She balanced herself, and smiled up at the gently quivering pegasus snuggled around her. “I’ll even make it from scratch.”
“Thank you!” Fluttershy squeaked before assaulting Twilight’s face with tiny kisses. The two broke down into giggles while Owlowiscious rolled his eyes in the corner of the room. “I-I’ll be home around five, thank you thank you thank-”
Twilight’s hoof pressed to Fluttershy’s snout. Fluttershy gave Twilight a sappy smile and slowed down, then nipped the hoof against her lips. Twilight blinked, feeling a weird tremor in her hind legs, and smiled at her. “It’s no problem, Fluttershy. It really isn’t. I just want to make you happy.”
“I’m very happy,” Fluttershy sighed, earning a grateful look from Twilight. “I’ll see you at home. And… thank you.”
Twilight nodded at her marefriend and walked towards the door. Owlowiscious took post on her back as she planned out the rest of the day.
How was it that being a princess didn’t make her life any easier?
“I don’t care if you’re the princess, this is my secret special recipe! Nopony can see it! Nopony ever- no I won’t sell the tacos to you! Untrustworthy mare! UNTRUSTWORTHY!”
Thank goodness the chef’s assistant had a good head on his shoulders.
And the common decency to finally call the loony bin.
“I’LL SEE YOU BURN IN THE PITS OF TARTARUS, TRAITOR! TRAITORS ARE SERVED WITH ‘TATORS! TRAITORS ARE SERVED WITH ‘TATORS! ‘TATORS! ‘TATORS! ‘TATOOOOOORRRRRS!” Chef Mad Artist screamed as the nice ponies in the white coats quietly took all the knives out of her pockets.
“Sorry, Princess,” Hot Plate mumbled sheepishly as his former mentor was dragged out of the restaurant. The colt glanced up to Twilight as the third princess of Equestria carefully read the instructions on how to make fresh tortillas, and gave the assistant a friendly nod. “Ever since a bus colt misplaced her spatula, she’s been on a hair-trigger.”
“It’s no problem, Plate, I should be thanking you. This is for a very special occasion.” Twilight smiled, the relief practically shining off of it. Mad Artist had settled for gnawing on the bars of her carriage as she was hauled away. “I can’t believe she was allowed to work like this…”
“Some ponies confuse ‘crazy’ with ‘eccentric’,” Hot Plate muttered, but glanced to the rest of the kitchen staff. “Alright, with Mad gone, I’m taking charge. Return to business, you’re allowed to stare directly at the food and you can speak above a whisper when something is sizzling.” He then turned to Twilight. “Though we are without a manager for a while. I don’t know how to do the paperwork or whatever she did.”
“Don’t sweat it, I’ll have Princess Celestia send one of the royal chefs over to take charge until you’re ready. Thanks again!” Twilight walked out of the service entrance of Canterlot’s finest premier dining establishment and into the alley out back. She wrote a quick letter with some parchment and ink in her pack and found a mailbox to slip it in before her horn flashed.
A second later she was in Ponyville, her legs quivering from the spent energy. Even with her supposedly incredible power as a unicorn she had limits. Princesshood did nothing to change this, so she happily hoisted herself onto a park bench and let the strength return to her limbs. Something about moving instantaneously through time and space always left her feeling a little numb.
The moment of rest also gave her a chance to pour over the recipe she was borrowing. Tortillas didn’t seem too hard to make. In fact, the entire recipe was going to be simple, cutting out all the extra seasonings and herbs that went into it. Mad Artist may have had a few screws missing, but she knew what she was doing.
“I thought I saw a familiar flash of light.”
Twilight looked up from the recipe to see two familiar faces approaching. “Hey Rarity, hey Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said with a growing smile as she rolled the recipe up and put it away.
“‘Sup, Twi, where were you?” Rainbow Dash asked. She looked slightly disheveled, but had a smile on her face, while Rarity was prim and proper as ever. Rarity climbed onto the bench next to Twilight, while Dash simply floated nearby.
“Canterlot,” Twilight said with a huge sigh, but smiled.
“Gotta call from the Princess, Princess?” Rainbow Dash grinned coolly as she floated by, but Twilight shook her head, getting a curious look from her two friends.
“Personal business. I went to pick up a present for Fluttershy tonight.” Twilight said with a proud smile. She had to admit, she was unbelievably happy having figured something about her relationship with her marefriend.
Rainbow Dash was suddenly hovering by her side. “Another one?” She asked disbelievingly, crossing her forehooves.
“That’s adorable, darling, but how many more cat-shaped clocks and ‘1001 Stories About Dogs’ can you possibly get?” Rarity leaned against Twilight knowingly, making the princess slide an inch away from Rarity.
“It’s nothing like that! And besides, I love her, I want to show her how much,” Twilight said with an insistent nod before getting to her hooves. Less shaky, and she had feeling in her knees, which was good. She made a beckoning gesture to her friends before walking to the Ponyville market.
“No offense, Twilight, I get what you’re trying to do, but this sort of stuff intimidates Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash began to fly alongside her at a slow pace while Rarity trotted along the otherside.
“It is a little much, dearie, a gesture of affection will mean a lot more than a whole Priss vault full of bits.”
Twilight remained quiet, but her body language screamed annoyance. She only wanted to show Fluttershy she loved her somehow, the hard part was figuring it out. “It’s not like it’s an actual thing, Rarity. It’s food. I needed to get a recipe.”
“Oh, well, that’s much different!” Rarity’s tone lightened and she all but pranced by Twilight’s side, a knowing smile crossing her face. “Learning to actually cook for our dearest Fluttershy, you’re such a sweetheart, Twilight! Coming home to a home cooked meal is so relieving.”
“Mmm, and you know what they say, the best way to a mare’s heart is through her stomach.” Rainbow Dash gave a wistful sigh as the three mares entered the busy market on Ponyville’s main street. Being primarily rural, a majority of Ponyville’s sold goods were imported from major cities with a number of notable exceptions that were hoof made. This was especially true with the food.
Even the fried foods were hoof-rolled before being put into a vat of boiling oil, to say nothing of the baked goods regularly coming out of Sugarcube Corner, or the salads hoof-wrapped and sold in large, disposable pans for easy use and transportation. Pies were also a favorite, and the smell of it reached the three mares’ noses immediately. While it was all so tempting, Twilight had a shopping list to follow and wasn’t about to empty her bit pouch for sweets.
“I think you mean ‘the best way to a stallion’s heart’, Rainbow,” Rarity corrected idly as her eyes locked onto a merchant selling fabrics.
“Stallion, mare, everypony likes to eat.” Rainbow Dash smacked her lips and fluttered her wings happily. Twilight gave her a small smile as she kept her eyes and ears open. Beans and cheese would not be in short supply, but if she wanted her tortillas to be authentic, she would want the imported corn flour.
“Is that how Applejack caught you, Rainbow Dash?” Rarity inquired behind Twilight. She tried her best to hide a smile. Rainbow Dash’s love of Applejack’s food was well known among their small group.
“Nah, it’s just how she gets my attention. She caught me in that race to Manehatten.” Dash landed in front of a stall selling roasted pineapple rings on a skewer. She returned to Twilight’s side a few moments later, licking her lips while wiggling the wooden skewer around haphazardly.
“Ah yes, the race for one anothers’ heart.” Twilight could practically hear Rarity flutter her eyelashes before something caught her attention. The grocery store was a good place to look. She had never really checked out the baking aisle there. She couldn’t remember ever checking out any sort of baking ingredients before going under Celestia’s tutelage. “How is Applejack, by the way?”
Rainbow Dash and Rarity followed Twilight inside. The two were apparently mindlessly accompanying their friend, something Twilight appreciated. “Oh, you know…” Dash was walking now. Flying indoors was discouraged when things like flour could be laying around. “She’s- she’s good. Just busy lately.”
“You don’t sound very sure.” Twilight turned her neck towards Rainbow Dash. Dash hesitated in step, getting both of the other girls’ attention. “Is everything alright?”
The three mares stood quietly, observing each other critically before Rainbow Dash let out a thick sigh, this time leading the way towards the sweets. Twilight let herself get distracted for the moment. Certain things were more important than fancy flour. “It’s just, we haven’t ever really, y’know, gone out.” Rainbow Dash used her wing to flick a chocolate bar into her mouth, eyes half-closed in thought as she chewed and tossed a bit onto the counter.
“But you two went out just two days ago to the Pie Roulette at Sugarcube Corner! You were the last two to leave.” Rarity sounded genuinely surprised as Rainbow Dash snorted, tearing a piece of her candy’s wrapper off and tossing it down. Twilight wordlessly picked it up and threw it away.
“Yeah, but we went as friends,” Rainbow Dash muttered as they started heading down the rows of shelves.
“This way,” Twilight spoke up, heading down the baking aisle. “What do you mean ‘as friends’? I thought you two have been dating for, what, a year now?” She stared at the rows upon rows of flour and immediately felt a little out of her element. Books? Books she could go through one by one for days on end. Flour? Not so much.
“I honestly can’t tell anymore. By ourselves, she’s great! She’s all over me, kissy, sexy, but whenever we go out to have something to eat or watch a show or even when she went to my Race for the Grounded rally it didn’t feel like she was my marefriend.” Dash watched Twilight carefully pull one bag down at a time to read before putting it back. “What are we looking for?”
“Corn flour,” Twilight answered while trying to look for pictures of corn on the bags. “So why is that? Was she not ‘marefriendy’?” Twilight shrugged as Dash and Rarity began to go through the bags with her.
“She had a stick up her flank,” Dash snorted, making Rarity fumble with a bag before putting it back up straight. “She wouldn’t kiss me, we barely hugged, she didn’t even want me to mention her during my interview. It’s never a date when we go out.” Dash’s voice lowered as she picked up a bag to read.
“That’s awful, dear.” Rarity frowned up at Rainbow Dash as the pegasus put the bag back. “You know, I had a colt who did much the same for me when I was going through high school. I broke up with him after three weeks, and later still found out he only wanted to date me to impress his friends. They thought I’d be ‘easy’.”
“Rare, you and me shagged the night we met each other.” Dash rolled her eyes as Twilight froze up.
Rarity mustered up all of her dignity while she pulled a blue bag off the shelf, and nodded. “Brandy was involved. There is a reason I am a sparse drinker. Here you are, Twilight, corn flour. Making bread? That’s a good way to stand out from the crowd.” Rarity smiled as the bag floated over to Twilight.
“Yes! Thank you.” Twilight took the bag and began to hunt for fresh beans. “Did… did you two really, y’know…?” Twilight’s voice lowered as they passed by some ponies. The other two remained silent until they were effectively by themselves.
“Rarity and I ‘knew each other’ before we knew each other. It was no big deal, I made a lot of good friends that way.” Dash looked around as they walked around the produce aisle.
“I don’t know about making friends, but we certainly had a moment. Dash was so courageous and confident, and has such a lean and unique physique. Most pegasi don’t have muscles as visible as Dash does.” Rarity turned her head and began to openly admire Dash by her side. For her part, Rainbow Dash stretched her wings out and began to strut.
“And I’ll admit it, Rarity’s hot. It’s not a lay I’ll ever regret.” Rainbow Dash tossed a wink Rarity’s way, and earned a bashful chuckle.
“Agreed.” The two paused to admire several bags of ripe oranges as Twilight finally grew frustrated looking and asked a grocer. She beckoned the girls to follow her after getting her answer. “What about you, Twilight? No offense, but you don’t seem to be a mare who would ever be loose. Have you and Fluttershy-”
“No,” Twilight cut her off while Dash rolled her eyes.
“So you two are still virgins?” Dash asked with a teasing smile as Twilight rounded a corner and find the beans. She examined the selections carefully and made her choice.
“I’m not a virgin.” Twilight answered. Rarity and Dash shared a look of disbelief. “Now, all that’s left is a little lard, some cheese-”
“Wow Twi, who owns your V-Card?” Dash started.
“- and salt.” Twilight finished off, examining the recipe scroll. “Then I need to go through their herbs and spices.” She started to walk away while the other two mares looked to each other.
“Twilight? If you don’t mind divulging-”
“Right now, I do.” Twilight said, sounding distracted. “I want to get this recipe home. I want to make sure everything is right before I really cook for Fluttershy.”
“If you’re uncomfortable talking about it, Twilight, you can tell us.” Rarity sped up to join Twilight, a worried look on her face.
“I’m not uncomfortable, it’s just I want to make sure everything goes right. We can talk about it, tomorrow.” Twilight insisted as she found the things she was looking for. One o’clock, already? That meant half an hour to get to the cottage and then, an hour and a half to practice. Should be more than enough time.
“Really?!” Dash suddenly landed by Twilight’s side as the alicorn picked up a small can of lard. “You’re going to tell us about your first time?!” Dash was grinning madly as Twilight nodded idly.
“Sure, it’s not that big of a deal. I mean, you guys seem okay with talking about yours.” Twilight could only shrug. Now she was a little uncomfortable about Dash’s excitement…
“Well we certainly understand if it’s embarrassing, My first time was an absolute wreck. Does Fluttershy know?” Rarity piped up, picking up her pace as Twilight trotted faster.
“Wait, I don’t think I heard about your first time, Rares,” Dash spoke up.
“Fluttershy knows, we actually met him while we were in Canterlot.” Twilight got a small, shaker's worth of salt to add to her small pile of ingredients and started after the cashier.
“It was a him,” Dash murmured.
“So I heard.”
“Think he was hung?”
“Dash, now is not the time.”
“I bet he sucked.”
“Do you have an off button, Rainbow Dash?”
“Maybe Twilight sucked?”
“Rainbow!”
“With her mouth.”
“Yes yes, I understand subtlety, Rainbow Dash…”
“I bet Twilight has a good mouth…”
“Rainbow, honestly, you’re committed!”
“I can still think about sexy stuff!”
“Twilight is also committed. To your best friend, I might add.”
“So? I can think about the both of them.”
“You’re disgusting…”
“I remember you using the word ‘confident’.”
“Confidence is not the right word…”
The bickering lasted all the way out the door of the grocery. Twilight’s ears flattened as she listened to the two of them. The two of them could really go at it sometimes, she just wished it didn’t involve sex and certainly not where other ponies could stare at them weirdly. “Girls?”
“Hey, I’m perfectly comfortable with my sex life with Applejack.”
“You were talking about your dating issues not five minutes ago!”
“That’s outside the house. When we’re alone under a familiar roof, things change. That mare is something else under the covers.”
“Y-yes, I know, so why do you have to imagine your other friends like that? You can think without the input of your rear end you know…”
“Hey, some of us aren’t prudes, I like thinking about this kind of stuff. It’s fun.”
“It’s worrying.”
“Girls?”
“How so? You haven’t ever wondered what Twilight would be like?”
“Girls!”
“That is beside the point, one stray thought doesn’t have to turn into a tangent!”
“You’ve still thought about it. And look, I’ve never banged Twi, so my thoughts are harmless.”
“GIRLS.”
The two mares froze up immediately. Twilight coughed politely into her hoof as the entire Ponyville market stopped in its tracks to stare at Twilight. Princess Luna had been right, those lessons on the Royal Canterlot Voice were well worth the trouble. “Uh…” Dash looked around slowly and dropped to the ground. “Sorry, Twi.”
“Look,” Twilight shook her grocery bag gently. “I’ve got everything I’ll need for tonight, so I’m going to head to the cottage to start cooking. We can talk more tomorrow night when I finish my thesis on the tax reforms. So can we please save the–ahem–adult subject matter for when we get a little wine in each of us?”
“Totally!” Dash perked up at the mention of wine, and Rarity nodded apologetically.
“Of course, Twilight, again, sorry. How about I host, tomorrow? I’ve got a fresh bottle of red wine from one of my contacts in Las Pegasus. I’ll even whip up some tiramisu to snack on.”
“That sounds perfect, thank you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some bean and cheese tacos to whip together.” Twilight sighed in relief and turned around to take a step forward, and froze as Dash got snout to snout with her.
“Did you say beans and cheese?” Dash asked in an hushed voice, a hopeless look in her eyes.
Twilight blinked, staring into Dash’s eyes. Yes, she thought she’d said that quite clearly. “Um, yeah. I’m making tacos.”
“Oh dear.” Rarity whispered behind her. She walked up to Twilight’s side to get her attention. “Where did you get the idea to make bean and cheese tacos…?”
Twilight gulped quietly, looking between the two mares’ worried faces before speaking up. “Well, I asked Fluttershy if she had a favorite food. She said bean and cheese tacos and that her mother used to make them and-”
“Uh, yeah,” Dash interrupted, cringing. “Fluttershy’s mom made the best food and those tacos were great, but she only made them when she took me and ‘Shy down to the ground to have a picnic when renovations were being made to her kitchen on days with a strong breeze,” Dash said with as much emphasis as she could muster in her voice.
Twilight gave her an odd look, one eyebrow quirking quietly while looking to Rarity for help.
“Well, I once took Fluttershy out to a Manehatten restaurant that specialized in foreign cuisine and she ordered bean and cheese tacos and we had to leave the restaurant early due to, eh, foul air?” Rarity cocked her jaw, looking away in embarrassment.
“Like, something went bad in the kitchen…?” Twilight pursed her lips in thought. “Where are you girls going with this?”
Rainbow Dash turned to Rarity. “She doesn’t get it.”
Rarity nodded at Rainbow Dash. “She doesn’t get it.” Rarity looked back at Twilight and sighed. “Alright, Twilight, you know that Fluttershy has some issues, and among them are some… food-related problems.” Rarity nodded her head. Twilight nodded more slowly, all but begging Rarity to go on. “She has problems digesting certain foods; in particular, beans and cheese.”
“So, what? They have spells and medicine for that, you know.” Twilight shrugged, but Rainbow Dash shook her head.
“That’s not it. Fluttershy doesn’t just get a tummy ache, her body does this weird thing where it turns beans and cheese into something horrible.” Dash crossed her forehooves, making Twilight sigh.
“Then I’ll steer clear of the bathroom tonight…”
“It’s not just that, Twilight. What Rainbow Dash means to say is Fluttershy, well, when Fluttershy eats beans and cheese, especially together she…” Rarity scratched at the ground, hummed in thought, then sighed in defeat. “I mean no offense, but she smells.”
“Smells?” Twilight glanced between the two.
“Yes!” Dash’s wings waved erratically as she nodded. “She farts like crazy and it’s the worst smelling thing in the world! I’ve crashed into a skunk den and it didn’t smell near as bad as Fluttershy’s ass did.” Dash gagged just thinking about it, but Twilight just rolled her eyes.
“You don’t have to be so crude, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity turned back to Twilight and gave her a very serious expression. “But, she’s right. Fluttershy loves bean and cheese tacos and there’s a very good reason she doesn’t get to eat them very often. I cannot emphasize the fact that she evacuated a restaurant enough!”
“You two are over-exaggerating.” Twilight chuckled at the very thought of it.
“No we’re not!” They both shouted, causing a few passing ponies to jump in fright. “I’m not saying it’s a terrible idea.” Rarity continued hastily as Twilight recoiled. “She will love you for making them, but it has to be done in a very specific environment, and Fluttershy’s cottage does not air out very well. You two should eat out in the field, make a picnic of it!”
Twilight frowned at the two mares as they both gave her a desperate look, and she rubbed her forehead. They seemed to know what they were talking about but there was no way it could have been that bad. Time had a way of exaggerating old memories to make them seem more exciting after all. “Fluttershy doesn’t want a picnic. We’re going to have a nice, quiet dinner and relax. Then I’ll make the tacos when the tortillas are ready and probably go to sleep. It won’t be a big deal.”
“Twilight, you are seriously going to regret this.” Dash pouted. “I know better than anypony, Fluttershy’s a great mare, but if you push the wrong buttons she’s a wreck waiting to happen.” Dash had in no way meant to be offensive, but it took Twilight’s ears flattening on her head for her to realize that it was a bit much.
“Then I’ll find out my own. Thank you girls for your input, I’ll crack a few windows open. I’ll see you both tomorrow.” Twilight walked around them both, heading for the cottage. She had some experimenting to do.
Meanwhile, Dash and Rarity watched after her, both letting out a sigh. “Well…” Rarity tried to crack a smile. “Far be it from me to keep her from doing the best she can for Fluttershy.”
“Yeah.” Dash mumbled. “But if she suffocates, I am not going into that house.”
“Oh, most certainly.” Rarity shook her head, and the two turned back towards the market.