Not your usual HiE story. The show is known as My LITTLE Pony right? So how would a human do in Equestria if we took that to it's logical conclusion?
Not your usual HiE story. The show is known as My LITTLE Pony right? So how would a human do in Equestria if we took that to it's logical conclusion? Rated T because I don't see how this story could possibly become M ever. Not my first written FiMfic, but it is the first one I'm willing to post. DISLCLAIMER: If you recognize it, I don't own it! I only own myself.
I was originally planning to only post this on my fanfiction.net profile, but then I decided since I already have a profile here, why not post it here as well?
A tickling feeling on my nose caused me to snort in my sleep. Something going up my nose had me jolting up right, trying to sneeze whatever it was out. That took all of a few seconds, but my brain is still playing catch up at the sight all around me. As I stared around in shock, one thought echoed in my mind. Well this certainly isn’t my bedroom.
Indeed, unless my bedroom has suddenly turned itself into the outdoors on a small scale. All around me rising up to the middle of my torso are trees. Lots and lots of trees. I’d heard of Bonsai trees, but this almost looks like a wild bonsai forest! It looks weird too. It’s all tangly and stickers are grabbing at my clothes as I stand up.
Now there’s another oddity. I’m wearing clothes. That wasn’t the case when I went to bed in my apartment last night. Now there’s a thought. Perhaps this is a dream? I’ve never had a dream where I’m a giant out in the middle of nowhere before. I brushed off the plants tangled and sticking to my jeans and off my back. At least my jeans and shoes are mine. I don’t even own any plain black T-shirts! Looking around once more, hoping I’m not alone out here, I sighed as I didn’t see anyone.
“Hello?” I called out, hoping someone would answer. Unfortunately no one did.
There is a mountain in the distance. Oddly enough there looks to be some kind of building on its side but I can’t make out any details from this distance. Even from here though I can tell it’s in miniature just like the trees around my feet that are brushing against my knees. Ah well. Civilization is civilization. Let’s just hope I can find someone who can tell me where I am.
Taking my first step was actually a bit difficult. Seems the forest I’m in is a bit more grabby than I thought. Stupid vines are tangled around my feet. Thankfully it only takes a little effort to rip my foot out of the mess. Hopefully if I keep moving and don’t hold still for long, this weird creepy looking bonsai forest won’t be able to grab me again.
It takes me somewhere in the realm of twenty minutes of walking before I finally spot the edge of this forest. Twenty minutes of holding back curses at the stupid trees that almost seem to be deliberately trying to trip me up. It almost felt at one point like something tried to bite my ankles, and I automatically reacted by shaking my foot vigorously. When I bent down to brush any remnants of the thing biting me off my foot, all I found were a scattered pile of twigs, bark, and tiny leaves. I just shrugged and continued on at that point.
Now, with the edge in sight, I sped up so I could finally be out of this stupid forest. The trees are starting to thin out and be less grabby here. I thought I spotted a miniature ruined castle in the distance to my left, but at this point I’m far more interested in getting out of this forest than examining any curiosity while I’m still in it.
As I’m getting close to the border of the trees, I spot something that nearly makes me skid to a stop. A ways in front of me, the bonsai forest from hell gives way to neat rows of miniature apple trees. The grove is pretty large even from my perspective. I can just make out a red barn over the tops of them. I glanced up to check the time. It was just barely risen when I’d woken up this morning deep in the forest. It’s only a small ways higher at this point, so it hasn’t taken too long to get to this point.
Stepping out of the forest and into the clearing between the rows of apple trees was something of a relief. I took a moment to rest and enjoy the feeling of not having plants actively trying to wind around my ankles or seemingly moving directly in my way to make me fall over. Despite being out of the forest, there’s still no one around. I headed over to the barn since it’s closer than the mountain. Since I’m a giant, I kind of expected to see little tiny people the size of Barbie dolls there, but no such luck.
Thankfully my examination of the place does reveal a dirt road away from the barn and goes out a quaint white gate with a wooden board hanging over that depicts a carved out relief of an apple. Whoever owns this place must really take their apples seriously if they felt the need to put it on a sign. It’s not like anyone wouldn’t be able to tell this is an apple farm from the apple trees after all. Stepping onto the road, I decide to follow it and see where it goes. From here I can see it twist over a few hills and I can see what might be some roofs over the hills. Beyond that is that mountain with what I can tell is a castle at this point. I’ve no idea how it hasn’t slid off since it appears to literally be stuck to the side of the mountain.
Following the road along the border of the apple farm until it split off, I make my way towards the settlement. I can hear sounds from that direction now that sound like some kind of celebration. Perhaps that’s why the farm was empty? Everyone must be at that celebration. Here’s hoping they won’t mind a giant showing up.
Finally I can see the houses close up. They’re all thatched roofs and look like cottages. There’s even a windmill and an old fashioned clock tower and another barn. Seems I’ve stumbled upon an honest to goodness village.
Carefully stepping around the buildings, I follow the sound of a party towards the center of the village where a building towerrs over the rest of the houses by a few floors, and has plenty of wrap around balconies and has a point on the top. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that’s the town hall. Finally I get close enough to the celebration to see, and stop short, barely stopping myself from openly gaping.
Ponies. Tiny little ponies the size of my hand rather than the Barbie dolls I was expecting. They look like an example of a pastel rainbow.
This has now graduated from strange to weirdest dream ever.
Almost as soon as I spot them, I’m spotted in return. The sounds of celebration die off as gasps fill the air. Suddenly feeling awkward and a bit on the spot, I wave sheepishly.
“Um… hello… any chance any of you can tell me where I am?”
I quickly realize they might not even understand me as they’re still staring. Any other thoughts I might have had are interrupted by screaming. Suddenly it’s pandemonium and chaos as the crowd of tiny multicolored equines start darting every which way trying to escape. I can hear tiny cries of “It’s a monster!” over the din and I wince. Well that could’ve gone better.
A handful of the ponies seem to be trying to get the situation under control. To my utter surprise some of them even appear to be wearing armor and have horns. Unicorns? Then I’m distracted by a flock of ponies scattering skyward. With wings. Pegasi. Oh, this just gets better and better. At this point I’d rather get away from all this so the town can hopefully calm down. Unfortunately in the chaos, some ponies are actually running past my feet and I’m afraid to move lest I step on any of them.
Suddenly there’s a blue and rainbow blur in front of my face, and I instinctively jerk back from the proximity. Now that I can see it better, I can identify it as a cyan blue Pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail. That’s about all I can see before it shouts, “Get out of our town!” and promptly turns around and nails me in the nose with its back hooves. I stumble back, clutching my nose whilst simultaneously not trying to crush anything.
“Ow geez! What the hell? I didn’t even do anything!” I said in a nasally accent.
I think the Pegasus is about to go in for another swoop and I prepare to duck. Before I get a chance though, the little pony disappears in a gold flash and is replaced by a white pony with an aurora like mane with both wings and a horn. I flinch from the flash and the possibility of another hit coming from this significantly larger, but still tiny pony. Thankfully this one simply spoke.
“I apologize for my little pony’s actions against you. They’re a bit wary after a near disastrous situation we only just recovered from this morning.”
I nodded slightly, stopping with a wince when that made my nose hurt.
“Ok I can understand that. Sorry to cause any problems.”
I lifted my hand away from my nose slowly and spotted blood, while my nose throbbed and I muttered to myself, “Ow, geez, I think that blue one broke my nose…”
“Here, allow me to fix that for you.”
The white pony’s horn began to glow and with a slightly smaller flash, the pain in my nose suddenly went away. Even the blood on my hand had disappeared. I carefully tweaked my nose. When I felt no pain I smiled.
“Wow, thanks! Heh, flying, talking, and now magical, ponies. What a weird dream...”
The white pony smiled slightly and said, “I assure you this is no dream. You are in the land of Equestria, my domain and home for ponies as well as others. I am Princess Celestia.”
Royalty? A magical, talking, flying, multicolored, Pony Princess. And this is supposedly not a dream? Granted that kick to the face really hurt, and pain doesn’t usually translate very well in my dreams, so I’m inclined to believe the Princess for now.
“Ah, your highness. Um… it’s nice to meet you. My name is Matthew. You said this place is called Equestria?”
Princess Celestia nodded, “I assume from your asking that you’re not from around here?”
I shook my head. “I’ve no idea how I even got here. One moment I was going to bed in my apartment. Next thing I know I’m waking up in this miniature grabby forest from hell. Ah, no offense to your lands your highness…”
The Princess chuckled and responded, “Not at all, Matthew. Please call me Princess Celestia. If you would, perhaps we could continue this conversation outside the village? My little ponies are still a bit wary.”
I looked around and sure enough, I could see little heads and eyes peaking out from shutters and over window sills or around corners. When I looked around, some of them ducked and hid further. Only a handful (AN: Ha!) are still about, mostly a few white ponies in armor, plus another colorful group, one of which just happens to be the blue prismatic Pegasus from earlier.
I nodded sheepishly, “Right. Sorry about that.”
Carefully I turned around and made my way back the way I came. Princess Celestia flew forward to hover even with my shoulder at a respectful distance, and asked, “The forest you spoke of, would that be the one to the south?”
Not knowing, I glanced in the direction of the forest I’d waded through, then looked up. Hopefully the sun rises in the East here too.
“If you mean the one in that direction,” I pointed, “then yes.”
Celestia made a clicking noise with her tongue.
“I’m sorry you had to wake up in such a place. The Everfree forest is not the most friendly of places to begin with.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, why don’t you just… magic the place away or something?”
Celestia shook her head, “Not at all. Unfortunately, the Everfree forest is a piece of old magic and is resistant to any changes, magical or otherwise. There are attempts to push back the edges of the forest, but it is resistant and we both gain and lose ground every year.”
I nodded in understanding. “Ah. Well, if you happen to need some gardening done, I wouldn’t mind trying my hand at uprooting the forest while I’m here. It might be resistant to magic, but maybe it’ll give way to some aggressive weeding. Heaven knows I’d love to give it a shot after the crap it gave me trying to get out of it.” Belatedly I added, “Ah, sorry for the language Princess.”
Celestia smiled, “It’s alright. And thank you for the offer. Could you tell me about yourself? I’ve been alive a long time and I’ve never seen anything quite like you before. Perhaps if you told me about your home, I might be able to help you return there.”
“Ok. Well… I’m what you call a human. I’m 26 years old. My home is an apartment in the city of –redacted- in the state of Florida. The Country I’m from is called The United States of America or USA for short. It’s comprised of 50 states. Each state is a size that ranges from small to large sized countries, and I think it’s the third largest country on the planet. Any chance any of that sounds familiar?”
While I was talking, we made it outside the outskirts of town and I took a seat on a decent sized hill so I wouldn’t crush anything and rested my arms on my knees.
Celestia shook her head. “I’m afraid not, Matthew. While Equestria is not large, it’s not small, and is one of the dominant countries on this planet. There are other lands such as Zebrica to the South East, the Dragon Kingdoms to the south, Saddle Arabia to the East, and the Gryphon isles to the West, but I’ve not heard of America before.”
I nodded, crestfallen, “I had a feeling you wouldn’t. Humans have mapped out our entire planet very thoroughly and none of those places you mentioned are on our planet, assuming it isn’t hidden through magical means of course. For all I know Equestria could be hidden in a Pocket Dimension in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean or even in another galaxy!”
I was startled by a pat on my leg, and I looked down to see a yellow Pegasus with a pink mane patting my ankle and looking up at me sadly. I smiled, wiping my face and whispered, “Thanks.”
The little thing startled, and ducked her head shyly. She might’ve said something, but I could’ve just imagined it.
The six ponies at the party that hadn’t been panicking, including the one that smashed my nose, had followed along and were arrayed behind the yellow Pegasus. Some guards were standing by as well, keeping their spears pointed down but still facing my direction, ready to bring them up and defend their Princess and her subjects if necessary. I can’t fault them for their vigilance and hold back a nod of approval at it.
At my scrutiny, a purple unicorn trotted forward and cleared her throat nervously.
“G-Greetings! I’m Twilight Sparkle! These are my friends Fluttershy,” The yellow Pegasus slowly shying away from my ankle squeaked adorably and seemed to shrink in on herself, “Applejack,” The orange one with the yellow mane and tail in a ponytail with a cowboy hat tipped said hat and said “Howdy.” “Rarity,” The white Unicorn with the stylishly curled mane and tail dipped her legs in what I can only describe as a curtsy and said, “Charmed.” “Rainbow Dash,” the cyan pegasus with the rainbow mane and tail from earlier just gave a ‘hmph’ and looked away looking sullen only to get nudged by Applejack, but Twilight just continued. “and Pinkie Pie-“
Whatever Twilight was about to say was interrupted by an explosion of Confetti and Pink as the vibrantly Pink pony assailed me with a song, welcoming me to Ponyville. At one point I think she’d fired a colorful blue cannon as well and I soon had a miniature cake in hand. (A.N. - Yes, Pinkie sang the Welcome song from the show.)
I was both bewildered and amused at the Pink one’s antics, and everyone’s looks ranging from gobsmacked to resigned made me want to laugh even more. Pinkie stood on my knee, glancing between me and the cake in my hands, and said,
“Weeeeeeeelllll?” she drawled it out slowly and everything.
Bemused, I asked, “What?”
Pinkie huffed and said, “You gotta eat the cake! How else will I know if you’ve been properly welcomed and ifyouhaven’tbeenproperlywelcomedthenwemightnotbecomefriendsandifwemightnotbecomefriendsthatwouldbesosadanditwouldbejustawfulandpeoplemightthinkyou'remeanandothersmaycryandtrytohurtyouandtheprincesswouldhavetobanishyoutothemoonandthenwe’dhaveagianthumanonthemoonandthenthemoonmightcrashandeverythingwouldbeDOOOOOOOOMED!”
It took me a few seconds to process all that. Even then I’m not sure I got it all. I raised my eyebrow, now even more amused and asked, “All that just from not eating a cake?”
Pinkie nodded decisively, and responded, “It may be one small step for you, but it would be a giant leap for us, so please eat the cake? Eat it!”
I stared wide eyed at her. “Did you just?- No, nevermind…” I shook my head and popped the cake in my mouth. Immediately an explosion of sugar and strawberries hit my tongue. I took my time chewing it and savored the flavor, letting it easily wash away thought of random ponies randomly paraphrasing famous moon landings. With the cake being so small, it kind of reminded me of those fancy desserts you get at fancy restaurants that are made for their flavor. What were they called again? Petit something I think.
As soon as I finished, I looked down only to see Pinkie staring at me expectantly. I smiled and said, “It was delicious. Thank you.” Pinkie smiled so wide her eyes closed, “You’re welcome!” She then hopped off my knee and bounced back over to her friends. I was a little worried she might get hurt by the fall, but at the last moment I thought I saw Pinkie slow just before she hit the ground. Not sure what to make of that, but hey, magical ponies right? Who knows what they can do?
To my left, Princess Celestia held a hoof to her lips giggling, looking for all the world like she’s trying not to. The blue winged pony with a horn next to her was also smiling, but seemed to shrink slightly when she noticed my gaze on her, then seemed to firm up after a glance at Celestia next to her. Huh. Wonder what that’s about?
Seeing my look, Princess Celestia forced herself to stop laughing and cleared her throat. “Matthew, this is my sister, Princess Luna. She just went through an ordeal so she’s not feeling too well.”
I frowned slightly in concern, “Hello Princess Luna. I hope you feel better soon.”
The blue Princess ducked her head a little but nodded without saying anything. Princess Celestia looked a bit worried, then turned back to me,
“I’m sorry Matthew, but I must take my leave. Rest assured I will do all in my power to see you safely returned home. If I may, I would like to return and speak more with you in the coming days, as any information may help.”
I understood that she wanted to get Luna home and nodded, “That’s fine. Thanks for settling things back there.” I vaguely waved back in the direction of the town square.
Princess Celestia nodded happily, “You’re quite welcome.” She then turned towards the group. “Twilight Sparkle.”
The purple unicorn Twilight stepped forward, “Yes Princess Celestia?”
Celestia seemed to take a serious stance and spoke, “In addition to your lessons in the magic of friendship, I would like for you, and any of your friends who are willing, to watch over Matthew here and see to it he is looked after. I will leave a pair of guards here to help in this endevour. I would also like you, Twilight, to learn more about our guest here and send me reports on what you learn that I may better be able to determine where he comes from that we may send him home. Who knows, you may even gain another friend. That is, if he’s willing?”
She turned to me as she said this. I nodded and said, “That’s fine. I’m perfectly willing to stick around and try not to make a nuisance of myself. I wouldn’t mind making a few friends on the way either.”
Celestia gave a gracious nod, “Thank you. Until we meet again. I hope you have a wonderful time with your stay here in Equestria.”
I nodded in turn, and Celestia turned and she and Luna got onto a chariot some guards drew up. Just before they left, Luna turned back to eye me, and gave a small nod of courtesy. I nodded back, wondering if she’d lost her voice.
With the Princesses gone, I turned back to Twilight, and things descended into a bit of an awkward silence.
“So Ponyville has its own Giant now!?”
Well that didn’t last long. Most everypony there turned to Pinkie with exasperated looks on their faces, whilst I was just amused. Twilight just shook her head and then turned back to me.
“Right! Well, I have plenty of questions, and I’m sure you have plenty as well. Unfortunately, it’s been a really long night, so if it’s alright with you, perhaps we should all get a least a little bit of sleep before we start the day in earnest?”
I nodded, “That sounds reasonable.”
“Hold up.” Called Applejack. “’Fore we go anywhere, this one,” she nudged Rainbow Dash, “Needs to say somethin’” Rainbow Dash huffed and gave a stink eye at AJ, but she just stared her down while everyone watched. Finally Dash turned away and ambled forward in my direction, mumbling, “Alright, alright already…”
Turning back to me, Rainbow scuffed her hoof, looking a bit sullen but also kinda… disappointed? “Hey, look… I’m… sorry for earlier. All I knew was that this giant something shows up and everyone starts screaming. I just kinda reacted, and hey, the Princess fixed your nose and all, so… we cool?”
I almost immediately said yeah, but then a devious idea entered my head. Instead I responded,
“Yeah… maybe… you did hit me pretty hard… how about you make it up to me?”
Rainbow winced and the others looked a bit concerned at that.
“Yeah… alright, fair’s fair. What do you want?”
Smiling, I said, “Just hold still.”
Rainbow looked confused, “What-Hey! What are you doing!?” I picked her up. The two guards left behind stiffened and raised their spears, but before anyone could do anything, everyone’s jaw dropped.
“Hey! Come on, put me… dooown…” Rainbow’s voice trailed off unbidden as I scratched her behind the ears. I couldn’t help it. There’s just something about these ponies that just screams ADORABLE at me. It’d taken a lot at this point to hold myself back. Sure, maybe it’s not manly, but I grew up with four sisters, and out of my whole family, only the youngest sister was young enough to really be my playmate, and with her being two years my elder, most of the games we played were up to her. So I grew up playing house, dress up, and dolls. Thanks to that, gender roles to me are pretty much nonexistent.
After thirty seconds of thoroughly enjoying myself petting Rainbow Dash, whose small size means her barrel fits perfectly on my hand with her legs dangling over the edges of my palm, my attention was drawn to both Applejack and Pinkie Pie collapsing on the ground with laughter. Even Rarity was doing her level best not to laugh, holding it in with a hoof. Twilight looked amused while Fluttershy had a warm smile on her face. The guards had thankfully lowered their spears, but beyond that didn’t react.
Rainbow for her part didn’t even notice. I hadn’t stopped petting her, and she’s almost dead to the world, with one of her legs twitching slightly. It’s both amusing and heart warming. It certainly helps that she’s really soft, and I could probably be satisfied sitting here petting her for the rest of my days. It’s almost weird how fulfilling it feels to pet this little pony, kind of like how it feels to pet a cat sitting in your lap almost. If you’re not paying attention you could end up doing it for hours.
“Having fun there Rainbow Dash?” Twilight asked, smirking.
Rainbow just mumbled something and waved a hoof lazily in her direction. Unless I miss my guess, it almost sounded like she said ‘Don’t knock it till you try it.’ In mumblese.
Rarity tittered and said, “You realize Rainbow, that after this you’ll have no choice but to join me at the spa? I won’t take no for an answer anymore darling!”
Fluttershy seemed to jump up at this, “Oh! Rainbow’s going to join us at the spa? Oh that would be so wonderful…” It was all I could do to stop my heart from melting at the soft golden yellow pegasus’ voice. If I didn’t already have my hands full I might have scooped her up to pet her on reflex at this point.
Rainbow winced, and mustered up enough energy to respond, “Sorry Flutters. I’ve got nothing against the spa, I just don’t like hooves touching me like that. This though… spa ponies have got nothin’ on this…”
‘Spa Ponies?’ I wondered to myself, bemused. Unbidden, an image of how a pony might try to massage someone of my size entered my head. It looked vaguely like Pinkie Pie jumping all over my back. I dismissed the mental image only to notice Pinkie hopping in place with a smile so wide it made her eyes look closed.
Weird.
At this point Twilight yawned, and this set off a chain reaction of yawns from the others.
“Well that’s it for me. I’m plumb tuckered out. I’m gonna go get some shut eye ‘fore I havta catch up with the work over at Sweet Apple Acres.” I winced. That apple farm would have to be hers wouldn’t it? At least I didn’t break anything, but I hope she doesn’t mind any large boot prints I accidently left behind. Applejack glanced over at Rainbow, then headed off chuckling.
Pinkie bounced over and said, “Well, I’m not tired at all! I should get back over to Sugar Cube corner and help the Cakes restock after- Zzzzzzzz…” Everyone sweatdropped as midjump, Pinkie suddenly stopped and drifted off to sleep instantly, still standing up.
Rarity tutted and said, “I will get this one home before I head off for some beauty sleep myself. Tata darling, I look forward to speaking with you about the fashions of your land sometime in the future!” Rarity said that last part with almost a sing song voice. I nodded weakly and called out a goodbye as she left with Pinkie Pie slung over her back.
Fluttershy mumbled something about getting back to her animals and not having enough time to sleep before slowly trotting off.
“It was nice meeting you! I hope we can be good friends and talk in the future!” I called out after her. Fluttershy eeped, then turned back and waved shyly to me, before cantering off at a slightly faster pace. I sighed, wishing that could have gone better.
Rainbow slurred out whilst I continued to pet her, “Dun worry bout her… shez jus like her name… she’ll come’round…” I smiled at the words from the practically comatose pony in my hand.
Twilight giggled, then seemed to hesitate, then asked, “You’ll be alright here while I’m gone?”
I nodded, “Yeah, I should be able to keep myself entertained here for a while.”
I guess I wasn’t able to keep the doubt off my face, because Twilight asked, “Is everything alright?”
I shrugged and said, “I’m just a little worried … this is all kind of sudden and I’m trying to catch up with it all… it wasn’t so bad when I thought this was a dream, but now that I’m pretty sure I’m awake… I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I’m going to eat or where I’m going to sleep… it’s just a lot to take in all at once.”
Twilight nodded sympathetically and patted my ankle, coincidentally in the same spot Fluttershy had. “Don’t worry. Everything’ll be fine. The Princess is on the case, and I’m sure she’ll be able to help you find your way home.”
I nodded, smiling slightly. “Thanks Twilight.”
Twilight smiled, “No problem Matthew. I’ll be back as soon as I can ok?”
“Ok.”
With that Twilight waved and headed off. I waved back then resumed petting Rainbow, who I soon found to be snoring softly under my ministrations. Amused, I turned to look at the guards. They’re both standing vigilant, covering both me and the area around us.
“Are you two going to be on guard the entire time?”
The two flicked their eyes to me but remained motionless.
“Geez that sucks. I hope there’s a rotating schedule so you can take a break every now and then. I can’t even imagine how awful it would be to be on guard 24/7.”
They still didn’t say anything, so I simply left them to it, and continued to pet Rainbow Dash whilst I went over in my head everything that’d happened so far and what I should do now.
I held up a hand above my head, squinting as I tried to block the light of the sun. According it it's position, it's almost midday, and a couple hours since the other ponies left me. To my chagrin, my skin has already turned pink due to sunburn, and I cursed inside my head for not having thought of that earlier.
Standing up, causing the two nearby guards to become more alert than before, I considered what to do. I need some kind of shade and fast, plus some water if I don't want to get heatstroke or something, and I've no idea when Twilight or the others will be coming. As it is, if they've been asleep as long as Rainbow Dash here has, that probably means they were up all night, last night. So I can't expect any help from that quarter, the guards won't speak despite my whispered cajolings to at least try and help me pass the time with some conversation, and I haven't seen another pony even once. Considering the way they reacted last time, it's probably best if I don't go seeking them out without my companions.
That just leaves Rainbow Dash, but darn it, I don't want to wake her up! It'd be like purposely waking up an adorable sleepy kitten. It's not only mean, but this 'kitten' might buck me in the face if I break her beauty sleep.
Resolving myself to do everything one handed for now, I look around for a source of water. It doesn't take long to spot it. There's a river that passes along between Ponyville and the... what did Celestia call it? The Everfree Forest, yeah that was it. I started walking over to it, keeping my pace slower than usual, trying to be mindful of the guards, who would probably have to gallop to keep up with me otherwise.
Reaching the river, or more of a small stream from my perspective, I kneeled down at its banks, and scooped up some water one handed. Not only was it not very effective, but my palm came back with tiny fish wriggling on my hand. Sighing, I dipped my hand back in the stream to get the fish off and contemplated what to do. Obviously the river's out unless I want to drink tiny raw fish along with my water. I nearly vomited in my mouth just thinking about it.
I contemplated what to do next. Maybe follow the river? I might find a lake or something...
My thoughts were interrupted by a tiny adorable yawn. I looked at Rainbow, who's head lifted slowly as she blearily looked around.
"Wha?..." she mumbled, then looked up at my face. Her eyes widened for a moment before they settled into recognition, and she squeaked, flying up out of my hand, her face red as a tomato. I chuckled, and said quietly, "Don't worry, no one else saw. And thanks for letting me pet you. It was getting hard to hold myself back and the lot of you are almost ridiculously adorable to me."
"Yeah, well... it was just a onetime thing, so we're square." she said in a huff, putting on a veneer of bravado that at that moment was so fake I nearly sweatdropped. Disappointed, I looked away slightly and said, "Oh... that's too bad, cause I really liked petting you and was hoping I could do it more often... I mean, it's not hard to see you like to project yourself as a tough awesome pony to others, so I understand, but... even tough awesome ponies deserve a little pampering too, even if it's in secret..."
Rainbow visibly faltered, "Well I, uh... maybe... but only in secret!"
I turned back to her with a wide smile, "I promise."
"Pinkie Promise!" Rainbow declared.
I raised an eyebrow. "Um, ok?" I responded, and held up my pinkie, bemused.
She stared at my hand and asked, "Uh, what are you doing?"
"A Pinkie Promise? Where I come from, when two people pinkie promise, they wrap their pinkie finger," I wriggled said finger a little to indicate it, "around the other's pinkie finger and the shake on it. It's supposed to be a binding promise, and all that. I'm guessing a 'pinkie promise' means something else, considering ponies don't really have fingers?"
Rainbow looked at the, to her, giant finger hovering in front of her and said, "Um, yeah. A Pinkie Promise here is kind of a custom for those who've known Pinkie Pie long enough. 'Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!' See? That's a Pinkie Promise. And no one ever breaks a Pinkie Promise."
"FOREVER!!!" I jumped and turned to see Pinkie Pie's head having popped out from behind a nearby rock. She dipped behind the rock again. Curious, I leaned over to look behind said rock, only to be greeted by a lack of pink pony. "The heck?" I said.
"Yeah, you learn not to question it after a while. Pinkie Pie is Pinkie Pie." Rainbow Dash said, shrugging.
"Ok, well, can you do the motions again? I kind of forgot them when I was startled like that." Matthew said, sheepishly.
Rainbow did the motions of the Pinkie Promise again, "Cross my heart," she crossed her heart, "Hope to fly," she stuck her hoof in the air, "Stick a cupcake in my eye." Here she pressed her hoof against her eye, which she closed at the last moment.
I nodded, bemused, "Ok, seems easy enough. I promise that any times where I get to pet you, now and into the future, will remain a secret between us. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." I did the motions, though I palmed my face rather than miming a punch. Wouldn't make sense for a human to hold a cupcake on their fist anyway. Speaking of, I was curious and wanted to ask how a pony holds a cupcake in the first place, but reminded myself there were more important things to worry about right now.
"By the way... is there a place where I can get a drink of water?" I asked Rainbow.
"Uh... why not the river?" she asked in return, gesturing to the river right in front of me, confused.
"I just tried to scoop some water one handed while you were asleep. Not only did I not get much water, but I also scooped a bunch of fish, and drinking raw fish sounds- urp!" I slapped a hand over my mouth.
Rainbow Dash's face had turned a little green at that, "Yeah, ok, that'd be really gross. Alright then, let's see... water... can you drink from a cloud?" "Say what?" I asked, utterly confused.
Rainbow chuckled, "Here." she flew up into the sky and grabbed a cloud. My brain screeched to a halt, even as she moved the cloud in front of my face. Rainbow patted the cloud lightly, "This has water in it, so if you drink it, that should work, right?"
I tentatively poked the cloud. My finger went straight through as expected. Just a pile of water vapor.
"How the hell did you move this?..." I asked, still in shock.
"Pegasus magic! It's pretty awesome right? Pegasi are practically MADE for controlling the weather." She landed on the cloud, displaying the fact she could stand on mere water vapor, then flew up into a hover again. "Making it rain, keeping the sky clear, you name it, we can do it. That's my job here in Ponyville as head Weather Manager. Though, that's not the job I really want."
I nodded, "What job do you want, then?"
"I want to join The Wonderbolts! To fly with my heroes and perform awesome stunts! That's my TRUE calling!" she said excitedly, pulling a few loop-de-loops. I smiled at her enthusiasm, "That sounds pretty awesome!"
"Yeah," she said, then seemed to droop slightly, "But they don't accept just anypony in the Wonderbolts. I gotta train and get better, and practice my signature moves so I can really show my stuff, then I'm sure to get in!"
I nodded, "With that attitude, I'm sure you're going to get in. I can't wait to see some of your shows!"
Rainbow blushed, even as she visibly preened at the praise. "Yeah, it'll be pretty awesome. You want to see some of my moves?"
I nodded. She grinned, and said, "Alright, but first." she pointed at the cloud, raising an eyebrow at me.
"Oh yeah..." I'd completely forgotten about the cloud while we were talking. I tried to push it in my mouth, but only got a wet palm for my trouble. I eyed the thing critically. How the heck am I supposed to drink this? Then I had an idea. I opened my mouth wide and leaned forward, the entire thing going into my mouth. The entire thing dissipated, leaving me with... a moist feeling in my mouth. Not even enough water to really swallow.
I frowned, and Rainbow Dash frowned as well, "Not enough?"
I shook my head, "That barely got my mouth wet."
Rainbow nodded, looking around, "Alright then, maybe... I'll be right back!"
She zipped away, a barely visible rainbow contrail trailing after her. It wasn't even a minute before she came back, pushing a dark grey storm cloud that was significantly larger.
"Alright, I just whipped this up. And don't worry, I didn't add any charge to it, so you won't get zapped or anything." Rainbow said, proudly.
I eyed the cloud and reached out to poke it, only for Rainbow to block my finger, "Hey, careful! I packed a lot of water in there and the lightest nudge will send it all to the ground."
I nodded, chagrined, "Alright."
This cloud was larger than the last one. I had to open my mouth really wide but I just barely got it all in before the entire thing dissipated and my cheeks bulged with water. I swallowed it down slowly, quite satisfied at the end.
"Thanks! That should do for now. A person like me is supposed to get about 8 glasses of water a day, and that was about a little over half a glass I think." I said.
Rainbow's eyes bulged, "Only half!? And you need, like, 8 of those? Not good, 16 of those clouds a day would put Ponyville in a drought in no time!"
I winced, "Oh... well... is there a way to maybe get more water from somewhere else? I mean... push comes to shove, I'm sure I could drink from the river if I have to..."
Rainbow looked decidedly green again, "Yeah, no, don't worry about it. I'm sure I can requisition some more clouds from Cloudsdale or something. If not, I'm sure that Twilight can figure something out. She's got backing from the Princess to look after you, and I'm not going to have you dying from thirst. Not on my watch!"
I smiled shyly, touched at the feeling she'd put when she declared that. "Thanks..." I said quietly.
"Don't mention it. So what other stuff should we look out for? Like, what do you eat?" Rainbow asked.
Cue my stomach growling at the mention of food.
"Woah, was that your stomach!? When's the last time you ate?" Rainbow asked.
"Um, not since I got here, which was just this morning. Before that..." I thought back, "I'm pretty sure I had dinner last night..."
"But you've ended up skipping breakfast. You should've woken me or something. At the very least I could've gotten Pinkie Pie. No way would she let you go hungry." Rainbow said, sounding upset.
"I didn't want to wake you... you all looked really tired, and... I'm kinda used to looking after myself..." I said, trailing off.
"So, you've been lost in another land with nothing to your name besides the clothes on your back before?" Rainbow asked.
"Um, well... no..." I answered sheepishly.
"Then you need help. I totally understand wanting to take care of yourself. I get that. But when you're stuck in a bad situation, there's nothing wrong with asking for a little help every now and then. That's what friends are for! And I'm always there for my friends. So if you need something, speak up, and I'll see about getting it, alright?" Rainbow finished.
I nodded, feeling slightly overwhelmed. After a moment, I responded, "Ok... well, speaking of things I need..."
"Yeah?" Rainbow asked.
I looked down at my arms, then held them up, wincing. Rainbow noticed my wince and looked at my arms, concerned, "What is it? Are you hurt?...actually, were you always that color? I could've sworn you weren't so pink when you first got here... You're kind of pink all over..."
I shook my head, "I don't have any fur like you do. Humans who spend too much time in the sun, when they have my complexion, tend to get sunburned really easily... and I've already been out here for a couple hours without any shade... I can handle half an hour easily enough without sunscreen, but longer than that? The more sunburned I get, the more dangerous it is."
Rainbow's eyes widened in alarm, "How dangerous?"
I shrugged helplessly, "If I'm out here long enough, especially if I'm not getting enough water, I could die."
Rainbow whinnied, actually whinnied, in alarm. In deference to the situation, I tried really hard not to snort in laughter from hearing it.
"Ok, this counts as an emergency. I'm on it!" she saluted to me, and I couldn't help but salute back on automatic, mentally wincing at the reflex from my time in the Air Force. She raised an eyebrow for a moment at the gesture, but then flew off even faster than before without saying anything.
While I waited there for her to return, I looked down at the guards, who's composure's had broken slightly to eye me in concern. "Don't worry, I can stand to be out here for at least a couple more hours I think. It's gonna be painful recovering from even this much sunburn though..." I said, poking my arm and wincing, a stark white finger mark left on my arm before it faded back to the ever darkening pink.
The two guards turned to each other, and seemed to confer so quietly I couldn't even hear them speak, even if I saw their mouths move. One of them then nodded, then started galloping for the town.
"Where's he going?" I wondered.
"To inform Princess Celestia's protégé Twilight Sparkle of the situation. " the guard's surprisingly deep voice answered.
"So you CAN talk!" I said, surprised. The guard merely stared stoically back.
"Oh come on! I heard you talk. What, can you only speak when there's something important to say?" I asked.
"Yes." came the short and succinct answer.
My eyes widened, "Oh. Well, I guess that means you're not going to say much while on duty then. When do you get off duty?"
"I am always on duty for the Princess. Our job is to guard her royal highness and her lands from outside threats at all times. There is never a time when that duty ends. That is the life of the Canterlot Royal Guard." the guard said.
"Woah... hardcore... I was in the military myself back home, but we were never 'on duty' all the time. We were definitely on call if something happened, but we had our off hours to unwind so we wouldn't burn ourselves out." I said, slightly awed.
"We have the same up to a point. The Royal Guard, and the Night Guard. But we royal guard do as our Princess commands, and if we are to guard you day and night, that's what we will do." he answered stoically.
I nodded, "Fair enough." we lapsed into silence after that.
It wasn't long after that two ponies ran up from the direction of the town. It was the guard again and Twilight Sparkle.
"I just heard the news! You get sunburned? Why didn't you say anything?" Twilight asked, panting slightly.
I shrugged, "It wasn't really a big deal at the time. I spend most of my time indoors, so getting a sunburn hasn't come up for me in a really long time. It wasn't until a bit after you all left that I realized I was in trouble, what with the sun beating down on me and all."
Twilight bit her lip and was about to reply, when a shadow passed overhead. A very LARGE shadow.
Looking up, my jaw dropped at the sight of Rainbow Dash helping and directing a veritable flock of Pegasi in pushing an almost ridiculously large cloud into place to cover my head.
Once the cloud was in place, a number of the Pegasi disengaged and flew back towards Ponyville, while I could just barely hear Rainbow Dash shouting, "Alright, good work team! Raindrops! Stormchaser! I want you two to take the first shift. Do not let this cloud move from covering that human! His very life is at stake!"
Rainbow then flew down and immediately spotted Twilight, "Oh good, you're here Twilight. So what do you two think, huh? Will that be enough?"
I opened my mouth to answer, but Twilight beat me to it, "Actually Rainbow, this could actually be more dangerous for him."
"WHAT!?" Rainbow asked, crying out in disbelief. She turned to me, and I nodded sadly. "It's true. A lot of people back home tend to think cloud cover will protect them from the light so they can go out without needing sunscreen, and they get confused when they come back home, sometimes with a worse sunburn than if they'd been out under the sun with no cloud cover at all."
"But, but that doesn't even make SENSE! You're in a shadow! Doesn't that count for anything!?" Rainbow asked desperately.
I nodded, "It does a little, but the thing is, see how that cloud up there is white? It means the cloud isn't actually blocking the light from the sun, it's just scattering it. So instead of getting straight on sunlight from a small circle shape, I'm getting scattered beams of it from a much larger cloud shape. It's even worse if the sky is absolutely full of clouds. It's better if it's a rain cloud though, since... well, you know how the more full of rain a cloud gets, the darker it is? That means it's actually blocking more and more light."
Rainbow listened, then looked at the cloud, "Well that wouldn't work. Turning a cloud that size into a rain cloud would just cause the whole thing to start pouring rain."
"Don't worry Rainbow, we'll figure something out." Twilight told her, then turned to me. "So aside from shade, is there anything else you absolutely need immediately?"
"Food, water, shelter." I promptly answered. "I haven't eaten since dinner last night, I've had one rain cloud, courtesy of Rainbow Dash, which roughly equaled about half a glass of water, and a human needs 8 glasses of water on average a day to stay healthy, though I can survive on less if necessary. And I need food three times a day to stay healthy."
Twilight nodded, "That sounds about right for a pony as well, though a glass and a plate of food for you is going to be a lot larger than what we eat..."
"We should get Pinkie, Twilight. Between her and Applejack, they can whip up a lot of food quickly." Rainbow said.
Twilight seemed to turn a bit green at that, and laughed one of those fake laughs, "Eheh, that they can. Maybe... Rainbow, could you go fly over to Sweet Apple Acre's and ask Applejack if they have any leftovers for our friend here from their reunion?"
"Can do!" And Rainbow was off like a shot.
"Now," Twilight said and I turned back to her, to see her holding a scroll and a quill that she got from... somewhere. "I need to make a list. What can and can't you eat?"
I scratched my head, "Ok, well, I'm what is called an omnivore. Humans need a balanced diet over the course of the day, that can be best depicted by an image that humans call the food pyramid."
I then stuck my finger in the ground and made a large triangle, then drew lines in it to draw the pyramid. "Here on the bottom, represents pasta and grains. That represents a large portion of what humans eat. Above that are two roughly equal sections, fruits and vegetables. Above that in smaller portions would be dairy and meat, and above that, would be dessert I guess. Cake, sugar, cookies, fats and oils. Stuff like that."
"I... see..." Twilight said, still writing. "Can we go back to those last two? What do you mean exactly by meat and dairy?"
"Well, humans require protein and other such things that can be most easily obtained by eating meat and dairy products." I answered.
"Um, milk, cheese, yogurt, butter, stuff like that." I answered.
"I know of milk, and I've heard some other omnivore species eat cheese, but what are yogurt and butter?" she asked.
"Ah, well, butter is... well, it's a yellow spread that I know is made by using a churn, and doing something with milk and stuff... but I've honestly no idea how it's actually made beyond that... as for yogurt, that... actually has less to do with milk I think, and more to do with... some kind of culture of bacteria... I know how to make more yogurt if I have yogurt in the first place, but no clue how to make it from scratch."
"Ah well, it sounds a little... strange, anyway. Maybe we'll find something similar to it that we have here in Equestria. What about meat? What kind of meat do you eat?" Twilight asked, slightly nervously.
"Well, humans can't eat meat raw. It has to be cooked. As for what type of meats we eat... technically we can eat most any kind of meat, though the meat that's most widely available back home and thus the meat we eat the most would be chicken, fish, pork, and beef. Er, that is, the last two are pigs and cows." I answered.
Twilight's eyes widened as her quill accidently snapped, "You eat COWS!?"
"Er, yeah... but if that's a problem here, I don't have to... in fact some humans are able to eat a completely vegetarian diet, able to get the protein they need from certain types of beans and such. I've eaten vegetable patties, that are made completely from vegetables and such that tasted very similar to meat that I found quite good, though... the problem with both is that I've no idea how to make it or what type of beans have protein in them, especially here."
"Ok, yes, but... why do you eat COWS?" Twilight asked.
"Is there something particularly wrong with eating cows over the other meats I mentioned?" I asked.
"Well, yes, for one, cows are sapient!" Twilight said loudly.
My eyes widened, "strike cow from the menu while I'm in Equestria then. Thing is, where I'm from, humans are the only sapient creatures on the planet. Lots of animals, but the majority of them aren't even close to being intelligent, rather they're mainly governed by their instincts. Attempts have been made to see if certain animals with smarter brains can be taught, and for the most part they can be, recognizing colors and shapes, but it's mostly pattern recognition and learning behaviors to please their owners in return for food."
Twilight's eyes were wide as she listened. "Wow... I can barely imagine something like that... there are many different sapient races here in Equestria. Ponies, Griffons, Zebras, Minotaurs, and Dragons just to name a few. And the majority of animals are smart enough to hold conversations with if you can learn how they speak. My friend Fluttershy's special talent is that she can speak with just about any animal and she learns and helps them. Very few animals fit the description you gave of what animals are like on your world, though fish is one of them. Do you think you could survive off of fish alone?"
I scratched my head. "Maybe? I've never really tried, and even people from island nations on my world tend to have more than just fish and other stuff from the sea to eat, having pigs as well at the very least."
Twilight nodded, "I'll... send a letter to Princess Celestia to see about maybe getting in contact with the Dragons. They tend to eat meat and gems exclusively, and we could probably import some from them for you every now and then. Other than that, it sounds like your diet mostly meshes with what ponies eat. Do you like hay?" I made a slight face at the question and said, "While I can't say I've ever tried hay, I've never heard of a human eating it either. Horses and other animals certainly, but humans? No."
"Oh. When you said grains, I figured hay might be doable... what kind of grains do you eat if not hay?"
"Bread and cereal mostly. Wheat is a huge staple of the farming industry on earth, even though I don't think we can actually eat wheat directly..."
"Interesting... so you should be able to eat baked goods from Sugar Cube Corner easily enough... is there anything else about your dietary requirements I should know?" Twilight asked.
"Mmmm... not that I can think of... I don't eat gems, that's for sure." I said, shrugging.
Twilight nodded, "What about bugs? That's a big food staple for griffons and birds."
I made a face, "While I've heard that some humans can cook and eat bugs, for the most part the idea of it sounds really gross."
Twilight nodded and wrote something down on her scroll, then rolled it up and put both items... somewhere.
"How did you do that?" I asked.
"Do what?" Twilight asked.
"The scroll and quill you were just writing with. Where'd you put them?" I asked.
"Oh! It's just my storage space. You don't have one of those? Most ponies have them, though how magical they are tends to limit how much can be stored in them. I keep lots of scrolls and quills in mine, plus a few various other things I've needed. If I end up needing to carry anything more than that, I just use my saddlebags." I shook my head, "I don't have anything like that. Humans don't have magic."
Twilight nearly tripped in place, "What- but- how!? That shouldn't be possible! Everything has magic! If we didn't have at least a little we wouldn't be alive! Even the ground and the trees and everything about us has trace amounts of magic! In fact..."
Twilight's horn started glowing, and a wide cone of energy shot out and went up and down my form once or twice. Then the beam cut out and Twilight grinned, "So do you."
I blinked, "Um, what?"
"You have magic. I just checked. It's far less than an Earth pony's or even some animals, but you do have some. Actually it's pretty fascinating that your magic quotient is so low. Usually it correlates with the level of intelligence of the subject, but you seem to have completely broken the mold! Oooh how fascinating! I can't wait to do some tests and see what else we can learn from you!"
I grinned slightly and said, "So long as you're not going to turn mad scientist on me, that should be fine."
Twilight quirked her head, "Mad scientist? I've gotten kind of mad before, but nothing too extreme I don't think. Is there something about angry scientists that trouble you?"
"Ah, no... when I say mad, I don't mean angry. Mad in this instance tends to mean 'crazy'. Back on my world, a mad scientist doesn't usually start out that way. Usually. It tends to start out small. They want to know something, but testing it requires breaking the edges of morality. It's all down hill from there. A mad scientist has lost all touch with morality and gives it up purely for the pursuit of knowledge for knowledge's sake. The worst of them have been characterized as hacking people into pieces then sewing the different pieces together, mixing in certain chemicals, and then super charging them with energy to see if they can bring the dead back to life, or other bad things."
Twlight's face was composed in a rictus of horror. "That sounds awful!" she cried.
I nodded, "It is. Most aren't that bad, but the danger of falling into unethical scientific practices is an ever present danger for some scientists, and there are some that slip down that slope and experiment with things that are best left alone."
Twilight shook her head, disturbed, "Your world sounds kind of scary."
I shrugged, "Parts of it can be. Human beings are a bit unique in the fact that our actions can range from purely good to downright evil. The majority of us sit in the middle of those two ranges and try to do the former as much as we can, even if we do get a few who end up gladly and happily doing the latter. When that happens, us people who try to do good have to do necessary evils to protect ourselves."
"Necessary evils?" Twilight asked, a slight frown on her face.
I nodded, "I can already tell Equestria knows some of them. In a perfect world, guards wouldn't exist. I would appear and you wouldn't have to fear the possibility I might be dangerous. I would have met a naive race of ponies that would have taken one look at me and welcomed me with open arms. In a way, I'm actually kind of glad the majority of you ran away screaming in horror. If you'd all been completely naive, just being my normal self would have scarred the lot of you horribly. Can you imagine explaining the concept of death to a herd of innocent bunnies that can understand you? That'd be about the same equivalent."
Twilight made a face even as she nodded, "I think I understand what you mean."
I think she was going to say something further, but at that point we both noticed a cloud from a group of ponies running up, lead from the front by Applejack, with Rainbow Dash flying just over head.
Applejack skidded to a halt in front of me and Twilight, a number of Ponies I didn't recognize behind her.
"Alright, what the emergency? Rainbow here flew in like her tail's on fire, talkin about Matthew here dyin and needin the whole apple clan. What's goin on?"
"MATTHEW'S DYING!?" Pinkie screeched, appearing from out of the middle of the group of ponies. Considering I didn't see a single spot of pink in that area before she popped up, I'm not sure what to think of that.
"Girls, relax! Matthew's not dying! He does need our help though. I'm glad you're here Pinkie. Do you think you can whip up some food for Matthew here? He hasn't eaten since dinner yesterday. Some apple goods would probably help as well, Applejack."
Pinkie gasped, "I'll get started right away!" and in a pink blur, Pinkie was gone.
"I can get started on that, but did the whole Apple Family really need to come out here for that?" Applejack questioned.
Twilight shrugged, a motion I wasn't sure would be anatomically possible on horses back home, and said, "Well... not really, but since you all are here... I've heard the Apple Family is the best in Equestria for raising buildings quickly?"
"Darn tootin! We can raise any barn in less than half an hour!" Applejack boasted while several of the Apple family nodded or clapped hooves together.
"Alright, well, do you think you could raise a shelter large enough for Matthew? It's true that he's in danger. Without fur like us, his skin is unprotected and the sun is burning him." Twilight explained.
Applejack turned to me and looked me over. "Well shoot, is that why you're lookin so pink, sugar cube?"
I nodded.
Applejack nodded and tilted her hat, "Good enough for me. Come on Apples! We got a barn to raise! The biggest barn Equestria's ever seen!"
A chorus of 'yee-haws' and other exclamations that made me think I'd stumbled into a rodeo or the set of an old western went up, and I got to watch as the Apple family scattered, and like a well oiled machine started throwing up a large barn, complete with song and dance number. It can't have been five minutes before they finished, and a rather impressive shed done in barn colors stood in front of me. It wasn't very big by my standards, but to them, this must be one of the largest buildings they'd ever thrown up, ever. At the very least it's got enough floor space for me to stretch out, but that's about it.
"Yee haw! Now that's what I like to see, Apples!" Applejack said as the others of the Apple family. I clapped in appreciation, calling out, "Bravo! Encore!" grinning. Applejack blushed and tilted her hat further to hide the red on her cheeks.
"Aw shucks, twernt nothin special..." she said, a small pleased smile on her face regardless.
My eyes bugged in my head, "Are you kidding!? You all just threw up a building in five minutes that would've taken me days to do by myself, and that's only if I even had the resources to do it with, never mind the fact that what I'd pull off would be nowhere near this quality! And heck, back home, even a professional foreman and construction crew that tried to make a building as big as this as it is to you wouldn't be able to pull off what you all did in the time you did it! I am seriously impressed here."
Now the majority of the Apple family was both embarrassed and pleased. "Well, I right thank ya on behalf of the Apple clan for the gratitude you've shown. Now git in there for yall burn up anymore than ya already are!" Applejack said, swinging her hat at me as if to give me a swat to get moving.
"Alright alright. Thank you again." I said, then moved into the shade my new shelter provided and sighed with relief. No A/C, not even a fan, but after sitting out in the sun this whole time, just having proper shade was such a relief. I laid back against the ground and sighed in relief, eyeing my new surroundings.
Twilight followed me in along with Applejack and Rainbow Dash. I guess Applejack sent the rest of the Apples home, though I did still hear some talk from outside. I stretched, then winced as my skin pulled taught, and I sighed, eyeing my pink skin, and remembered from experience that this is only the beginning. It would only get worse and sting like nothing else until it'd all finished peeling off.
Sitting up, I pulled my shirt off and dropped it in the corner, only to hear Rainbow Dash hiss, AJ make an exclamation I didn't make out, and Twilight outride said, "That really doesn't look good..."
I blinked at them, looked at where they were looking, and realized they were noticing the difference between the skin covered by my shirt and the sunburn on my arms, neck, and face. I waved them off, "This is actually not the worst sunburn I've ever had. At least it's still pink."
"How could it possibly get worse than that?" Rainbow asked.
"One time," I answered, "I and a large group of friends got together to float down a river on some inner tubes, er, floatation devices,"
"We know what innertubes are, sugarcube," Applejack said.
I nodded, "Right. Anyway, we decided as an activity to float down the river. I forgot my sunscreen, but I still had a shirt on. Unfortunately I didn't realize how long we'd be floating down the river. It was about midmorning when I got in the river. It was about early evening when I got out. A couple hours after I got home, I was shivering and crying in bed as every single brush of cloth, or twitch of my body, or even a simple brush of air caused every single bit of my angry red sunburnt skin to flare with excruciating pain. I was bed ridden for two days before I could stand to uncover myself."
All three ponies were looking at me with varying degrees of sympathy and/or horror.
"I'm sorry I asked," Rainbow muttered.
"I'm sorry you asked too," Applejack said, but without any heat.
"I think we should bring in somepony to take a look at him. A healer would have some experience with burn injuries, since that's covered in the medical textbooks I read so I know someone from the hospital here would have learned about them while getting their license." Twilight said.
"If you've read them, why can't you do it?" Rainbow asked.
"Because I'm not certified and while I've read the books, I didn't take the classes, so anything I could do would not only be illegal, but I'd also be subjecting him to my inexperience with attempting to heal anypony, let alone a human!" Twilight answered.
"Alright alright! I'll just go get Nurse Redheart then." Rainbow Dash said before taking off.
Almost immediately after Rainbow left, Pinkie's chipper voice called out, "Who wants breakfast!"
Pinkie then ran in, pulling a cart covered in pastries, the largest of which looked like a mini muffin sitting in the center of the cart. "Or would it be lunch?" Pinkie mused to herself. She looked skyward as if she could see the sun. "Oh no! Maybe I should have stopped at the Hayburger to get some lunch food!"
Before she could take off again dragging the cart with her, a purple violet glow surrounded Pinkie, the color of which matched the same glow coming from Twilight's horn which appeared all of a sudden. The glow lifted Pinkie slightly in the air. "Pinkie! It doesn't matter! In this case, food is food, and our guest needs some."
I nodded, my stomach growling again, "We can just call it brunch. Besides, breakfast food is good just about any time of the day."
Pinkie giggle snorted from her limp position at the sound from my stomach, "Okie dokie lokie! Your stomach sounds like a bear! We should probably feed him before he tears out of you to get the food itself."
I gaped at the surprisingly disturbing imagery that prompted, then cleared my throat, "Quite." and reached for the muffin sitting on top of the lot. I popped it into my mouth and grinned at the explosion of berry flavor. It eased my stomach a little, and I started picking up more of the tiny pastries and putting them in my mouth, though they were a bit on the large side when compared to the ponies themselves.
While I ate, I saw Twilight step over to the side and whisper with Applejack. Whatever was said caused Applejack to look over at me with a startled look before Twilight's whispering drew her head back down. I wonder what that was about, but I was too busy trying to appease my hunger to pay attention.
Soon, Pinkie's cart was empty, and Pinkie started handing me more from behind her mane. Her 'storage space' I guess, going off what Twilight said earlier. Tiny cupcake after tiny cupcake went in my mouth, not even large enough to need chewing before I swallowed.
"Um, girls? You should probably get some more food here, I'm actually starting to run out..." Pinkie stage whispered to the others, a look of concern on her face.
At that, I slowed down, and looked down at the cupcake in my hand, embarrassed, then slowly handed it back to Pinkie. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to eat so much..." My statement was punctuated by my stomach growling again, though slightly softer this time, and for once I'm glad I'm sunburned because I think I might have actually blushed for the first time in my life as I looked down further.
Pinkie narrowed her eyes at me, pushing my hand back towards me with surprising strength, "Hmmm... did you get possessed by Fluttershy while we weren't looking?" she gasped, "Is that even possible!? Oh no! What if someone is possessing me!? What if I'm not me! But if I'm not me, who am I? But wait, if I'm not me, does that mean me is somewhere else, or is me here, or-"
Applejack interrupted her by stuffing an apple in her mouth. "None of that now," Applejack somehow addressed to both her and me at the same time. She then looked directly at me, "Look, you're a big fella. You're obviously gonna need more food than we do. No shame in that."
Twilight nodded, stepping forward, "Applejack's right. Proportionately, that cart can't have equaled much beyond a single muffin for someone your size. How about you draw on the ground the size of a plate of food you're used to, and we can then match it?"
I nodded and hesitantly started drawing a plate on the ground, before pausing, then making it a bit smaller than normal. Applejack narrowed her eyes while she watched and whacked my hand with her hat. It didn't hurt, but it did cause me to jerk back, startled.
"None of that now. I ain't the Element of Honesty for nothin'. Draw a proper sized plate, sugarcube." Applejack said.
"But, if you guys keep trying to feed me the amount I'm used to eating, there's going to be a food shortage!" I said, worried.
Applejack waved me off, "Yeah, maybe things'll be a bit tight at first, but we'll recover, sure enough. Ponyville can weather anything we set our minds too."
Twilight nodded, "Applejack is right. While I may not have been here long, I've read up on the town's history and current economics. We can handle an increase in food demand in the short term until we get a larger supply imported. It'll increase food costs, but not only can we handle it, you simply being here, and the Princess giving us royal backing means any costs accrued taking care of you while you're here will be covered by the crown, and Equestria as a whole is almost filthy rich. You can dig just about anywhere and you'll find precious gem stones worth trading."
I frowned, even as I went ahead and drew a proper sized plate on the ground. "But wouldn't the abundance of gems mean that their value would go down, considering just about anyone can dig them up?"
"They're not our only export," Twilight answered, "And normally you'd be right, if not for the fact that we're the world's main supplier of gem stones, and seeing as the Dragons consider them a delicacy and are willing to pay large amounts of gold from their hordes from them, and gold is good just about anywhere..."
I nodded, "That makes sense. Probably a lot more to it than that though, I'm guessing?"
Twilight nodded, "Those are just the main highlights. And that's not even accounting for the revenue brought in by Cloudsdale for maintaining the weather worldwide. Griffons can manage their weather somewhat, but our techniques are not only unique, but thanks to our cutie marks and special talents, most of us ponies can do things that nothing else can."
"Wow. Ponies certainly have their place certainly carved out for themselves." I said, wide eyed.
"It also helps that, while she doesn't flaunt her power and would never use it against anyone, Princess Celestia does control the Sun and the Moon and their movements in the sky. Although now that Princess Luna is back, that might change so she's controlling the moon soon." Twilight said thoughtfully.
For my part, my brain was stuck on something she said earlier. "Princess Celestia... controls the sun."
Twilight nodded, "And has for over a millennia."
"And the moon."
"Uh huh!" Pinkie Pie replied.
"Only her sister can control the moon now, most likely."
"Eeyup." Applejack said.
"So... you're telling me, that not only did I just meet a magical, multicolored, flying, pony princess, I met a magical, multicolored, flying, pony princess who just so happens to pretty much be this world's Goddess!?"
"Um... yes? I mean, what's a Goddess?" Twilight asked.
I set my face in my palms. "A Goddess, or God, otherwise known as a deity-"
"Oh! Yes, Princess Celestia is our deity. She likes to play it down and just act as our Princess, but the fact that she's part of our pantheon has never really strayed very far from pony's minds." Twilight answered, Applejack and Pinkie nodding along.
I simply groaned and laid back, my head thumping against the hard dirt floor. "Lovely," I muttered. "Here's hoping she doesn't cast me into the sun if I accidently piss her off then."