I'm Sorry When I Get Unruly, When You Carry On So Much I Get A Little Tired
In the dark, cold prison of the most heavily guarded parts of Tartarus, Tirek stood, his head bowed. Muttering to himself, the demon yanked the chains attached tightly to his arms, trying in vain to break them from the walls. When the stone didn’t so much as tremble, Tirek let loose a low, defeated growl.
He stared down the large stone steps that lead to his prison, the nearly invisible force field that would act as a second failsafe if he ever attempted escape. Tirek grunted as his four powerful legs shifted underneath him, each held in place at the hoof. Sparks of white energy practically melded him to the stone floor, straining his muscles and leaving him in quite the undesirable place.
“I will not endure another millennium of this torment,” Tirek growled, straining once again as his shackles. The faint howling of wild animals and other prisoners being tortured was barely audible over the sound of the central versus rock and the pounding of blood through his veins.
Maybe if I get angry enough, the rock will be intimidated to the point of fleeing! Tirek grit his teeth and increased his growl, letting go a sound that would terrify even the most hardy of conventional rocks.
These were not your conventional rocks, however. This was the osmium of Tartarus, and it wasn’t having any of Tirek’s shit. It stood in place, unphased by the bound demon’s attempts at petty bullying.
“I wouldn’t recommend that. Tartarian Osmium’s notoriously bitchy,” came a voice from the darkness, which set Tirek’s head shooting up and glancing into the gloom before him. He knew that voice. That voice that was slippier than a lubed eel on ice...
“Betrayer,” Tirek spat, his voice filled with the rage of a thousand mildly-miffed volcanos. “Have you come to taunt me? Remind me that you’ve become the favored pet?” He sighed angrily, his legs straining once more as he reflexively tried to stomp his hoof.
“Being the favored pet isn’t all that great,” Discord said with a condescending roll of his eyes. “The Draconequus kibble tastes like cardboard. And not the good kind!”
Tirek glared at Discord, his nostrils flaring. “So you did come here to mock me. The joke’s on you, little chaos spirit; the angrier you get me, the more frightful I become. Soon, I will break free of these chains as the rock flees in terror, and I will wreak havoc upon Equestria and lands beyond once more, with no one to stop me!” Tirek looked deep into Discord’s eyes. “And you’ll be the first to fall.”
Discord cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, I wouldn’t count on it. As I said, Tartarian Osmium is notoriously bitchy.” Discord interlocked his paw and talon, cracking his joints. He reached down, and pulled up a small spire of the rock, about the height of his knee. “Observe.”
He looked over at Tirek, who was watching him with an intrigued, if absolutely loath-filled, gaze. “On second thought, don’t. This transformation can turn even the most hardened of failed villains gibbering mad with just one glance. Look at the shadows or something.”
Tirek snorted, but did as he was told. He turned his sight away from Discord, and watched the part of the wall to the right that cast Discord’s shape in flickering shadow.
There was a hiss that sounded like the death knell of the earth itself, and Tirek watched with wide, almost frightened eyes as the shadows on the wall began to shape into something... unnatural. Discord himself was already a mockery of the careful designs of evolution, but this... this new shape was simply shooting it in the face and copulating with the bullet holes. Tirek’s jaw fell as the horrifying shadows swam on the wall, arms that shouldn’t be there and tentacles that had no place existing all sprouting from orifices unheard of placed on extremities unknown.
The scene was terrifying, calling deep within Tirek’s burning chest and striking the chords of the most primal fears that he knew. He, a giant demonic magic sponge. The things he feared were harbingers of planetary apocalypses. This shape he saw... this was the shape of what his fears feared.
All in an instant, it was gone, but the irrevocable psychological damage was already dealt. Tirek turned, slack jawed, and stared at Discord looking down at the osmium spire, awaiting its reaction.
There was no response for a moment; after a few seconds, the rock reconfigured itself into the shape of a hand with its middle finger extended at Discord.
“See? You can’t phase it,” Discord said with a shrug. “That rock is simply too dense to be intimidated.”
“Wh-Why...” Tirek sputtered when his voice returned from cowering in his left hoof. “Then what purpose d-do you...”
“Ah, not so tough anymore after he’s seen an unspeakably horrific abomination from beyond the realm of reason, are we?” Discord said with a sly grin. He paused, and then added, “Well, the Lite version, anyway. They wanted me to pay one ninety-nine for the full version, but what do I look like, made of money?” His paw hardened and burst apart into a large sum of bits, the coins rolling about the rocky floor, off into chasms and behind clutches of acid-breathing spider eggs.
“The point is, I’m here to offer you recourse,” Discord said, strolling up the large stone steps towards the force barrier of Tirek’s cage.
“Recourse from what?” Tirek growled, his composure slowly returning as his mind worked feverishly to block out the horrors that he had seen.
Discord let loose a fiendish cackle, the shrill laugh echoing around the cave and joining the din of torture and animal noises down below. “Have you forgotten where you are, Tirek? You’re in a cage, chained up, never to escape! You’re completely screwed my friend!” He smiled deviously. “Well, not in the most important sense of the word, I suppose...”
Tirek furrowed his brow. “You talk nothing but nonsense! Speak clearly or leave!”
Discord whistled to himself and leaned against a rock cluster, pretending to file his nails. Tirek scowled, his veins beginning to pop out again. “I GROW IMPATIENT, SPIRIT OF CHAOS!” he bellowed, causing the roof of the cave to tremble with dramatic effect.
“Even my prison taunts me,” Tirek grumbled as Discord waltz up to the barrier.
“Hey, no need to shout, I’m right here,” Discord said, producing two large pairs of ear muffs and stuffing them on both of his ears. “Ah... much better. And that annoying barking is finally gone too. Tartarus should really work on that if they want to get more visitors...”
Tirek hissed at Discord, and the draconequus cleared his throat. “Ah! Right, as I was saying... it must be quite lonely in there. So lonely, Tirek...”
Discord slowly levitated up into the air, and drifted along towards the force field. “Trapped in there, for all eternity, with no one to keep you company... why, it could drive a horrible magic-sucking demon to madness!”
As Discord approached the barrier, his slowly began to lose opacity, becoming translucent. Tirek’s eyes widened in surprise as he found the upper half of the draconequus suspended in the air past the barrier, and looking up at him into his eyes, upside down.
“I’ve come here to end that loneliness, my dearest Tirek,” Discord said, his voice dripping with sincerity. A little too much sincerity.
“I doubt that,” Tirek said to Discord, turning his head from him. “You are a male, anyway. I am only fit to ravage females. The thought of a male in any sort of romantic inclination to me is... stomach churning, to say the least.”
“Ah, but isn’t a churning stomach the first signs of love? Butterflies in the stomach?” Discord pointed out. “You can’t fight with this logic, Tirek. Submit yourself to me, my lovely demonic sham-wow!”
Tirek looked at Discord, who batted and fluttered his eyelashes, which had become long and exaggerated to highlight his cuteness. Tirek... couldn’t. Could he? No, he mustn’t... he was a virile male, a strong specimen. He couldn’t be an inferior non-breeder... a filthy faggot. It was simply unthinkable.
And yet, he was finding himself drawn to Discord anyway. In fact, the longer they locked eyes, the more he... simply had to have him. His pupils were little hearts, his irises were swimming swirls...
“Wait, are you hypnotizing me?” Tirek shouted, blinking and breaking eye contact, wrenching himself away from Discord’s gaze. “What is the meaning of this?”
“Come on, Tirek, baby,” Discord pouted. “We’d be perfect for one another! Think of it as an apology for imprisoning you until the end of time. I shall pledge my companionship to you, and you shall never be alone in this prison of unimaginable torment ever again!”
“We shall be called...” Discord floated all the way into Tirek’s case, and draped himself over his shoulders and neck. Discord waved his paw for emphasis. “Derek.”
Tirek turned his head to look at Discord, a confused and befuddled look upon his face at first. Soon it turned to one of mild disgust.
“The juxtaposition of our names would be “Direk”, not “Derek”.”
Discord floated off of Tirek’s back and in front of his face. “Direk, Derek... the point it, you’d never be alone again! And wouldn’t you rather have that than a lonesome, homophobic eternity in Tartarus?”
Before Tirek could respond, Discord raised a single talon segment to the demon’s lips. “Shhh... no words. Just... let it happen.”
Discord leaned in, and locked lips with Tirek. Tirek tried to resist at first, to pull his head away from the lips of his new lover but he... could simply not bring himself to do so. There was something intoxicating in Discord’s kiss, something that he couldn’t quite place. All he knew was that he needed more.
Discord broke the kiss, smiling sultrily at Tirek. The draconequus had always been fond of lots of tongue, so he had a little job of getting it untangled from Tirek. Currently, the end of it was hanging out of the larger demon’s ear.
Discord grabbed the back end of his tongue and yanked on it, and it slid back into his mouth like a tape measure retracting. Smiling, he curled against Tirek and drew little circles on his neck.
“What say we... go downtown?” he whispered in Tirek’s now-moist ear. Tirek’s mouth went dry, and he was speechless. This was... this was insane! He’d already let it go on for far too long, this was going too far... and yet, he knew he wanted more, but could he honestly...
You know what, fuck it. Yes, yes he could. He knew he needed to get more of Discord, to take every single inch of his thick, turgid—
There was the sound of tearing velvet, and a crack in the very fabric of the universe appeared right above Tirek’s head. Blue light emanated from in, and the crack shimmered and waved as though it were surrounded by a large amount of heat.
“Discord! What in the name of sweet Zombie Celestia are you doing?” called the voice of a very irate Twilight Sparkle.
“Just having a bit of fun,” Discord called back in a very campy tone.
“What have we told you about screwing around with the dangerous inmates? We can’t have a containment breach! If you let any of these out, our flanks will all be fried! And you better believe yours will be deep-fat-fried!”
Discord sighed, and turned to the befuddled Tirek. “Well, Tirek baby, it seems as though Derek was never meant to be.” The spirit of chaos began to float backwards towards the ripped seem in reality. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve suddenly developed the craving for some fast-food flanks... stay chained, doll!”
The seam sealed itself back up, and Tirek was once again left alone in cage, sweaty and sexually frustrated.
“Fucking cocktease,” he muttered to himself, struggling once more with the chains.