All That I've Done
Princess Celestia shut the door to her private chambers. With a quiet sigh she removed her crown, necklace, and golden shoes. All I have left to do is raise the sun, then maybe I can finally have some time to myself. Walking out onto her balcony, Celestia lit her horn and began to guide the sun and moon through the familiar movements as they exchanged dominance over the sky. I’ve been doing this for nearly six hundred years. By now, it feels almost as if my sister never existed. The sparkling white alicorn lifted her head to look at the moon once she had finished making the transition between night and day. Staring back at her, as it had done for six centuries, was the silhouette of The Mare in the Moon. Oh Luna, why did it have to come to this?
I’m so tired of all of this. I haven’t truly had time to myself since that night I banished you, sister. Now that you’re gone, I truly realize the burdens of ruling a kingdom. Especially one as large as Equestria. Without you, I’m getting beaten down by the sheer amount of work I’m required to do. And it’s not just the work. You were more than just a fellow princess to me Luna; you were my sister, the only family I had left. You were supposed to be my rock, the stable element of my life. I could have sworn that you’d always be there, right by my side, helping me with anything and everything for the rest of time. It feels like I’ve been thrown into a tornado, and it’s driving me crazy.
Leaving the balcony doors open, Celestia strode back into her chambers. Losing you has felt like somepony has turned out the sun. And for me, the only pony who can truly claim to know the sun, losing the light in my life is the worst thing possible. Yes, that light was, and still is, you, Lulu. If only you could change back into the sweet pony you were, then maybe my sun would come back. I can’t take another step, for there’s no way that I can see what’s coming next. Losing you, my one and only light, is just like somepony turned out the sun, and all the lights. I can’t see anything at all, sister. At least, not until you return.
As she sat down on her bed, tears began to wash down Celestia’s cheeks. What I don’t understand, is how one day, you were my loving, little sister, and the next, you were a monster. A nightmare. I’m sure you probably hate me for what I did, but I don’t think anypony can hate me more than I do. When I was forced to use the Elements of Harmony on my own sister, my heart shattered into a million pieces. And even though it’s been almost six hundred years since that night, my heart is still in those same pieces. I can’t breathe, I can’t see, I can’t feel anymore. It’s like my mind has been playing tricks on me. My dreams always make me think that you’re still my little baby sister. Celestia’s voice cracks as she starts sobbing. I’m caught in a never-ending tornado, and it’s driving me crazy. Every morning it gets harder to continue on living, but somehow I manage to drag myself out of bed to face the day.
The princess of the sun turned her head to look out the open balcony doors. Hanging in the night sky, as it had done for all of time, the moon shone silver. The only difference was the image of Nightmare Moon upon its surface. I know I’m not perfect. There’s many things I wish I didn’t do, but each and every time, I continue on. I learn from those mistakes. I never wanted to banish you Lulu, but I had to. It was my duty. Equestria had to come before my own desires. I’ve held all this in for the past six centuries, and I have to say, before it’s too late, that I just want you to know, I’ve found a reason to change. To change who I used to be. A reason to start anew, and find a way to balance my duties with my family. That reason is you.
I can’t say it enough, and so, I’ll say it again. I’m so sorry. Sorry that I hurt you. I have to live with that knowledge every day, and I wish I could take away all the pain I’ve put you through. I’ve had to live with myself, every single day, all alone, and I realized that I was wrong. Wrong to banish you without hearing your side of the story. I wish I could take back my actions. But I can’t. And even though I wish I could be with you, and be the one who catches all your tears, I can’t. So that’s why I need you to hear that I’ve found a reason for me to change who I used to be. Just give me a chance to start over, and show you that I do love you. Yes, Lulu, I do love you. And it’s that love that showed me the way.
Celestia got off of her bed and walked back out onto the balcony. She raised her head, and looked directly at the moon. “I’m not a perfect pony, sister. I never have been, and I never will be. I never wanted to banish you. Especially not for so many years. And so I have to say, before time runs out, that I just want you to know, I’ve found a reason for me to change who I used to be. A reason to start over again, to do my best to balance ruling Equestria with you, little sister. I’ve found a reason to show everypony, a side of me that I’d always kept hidden away. A part of me that even you have never seen. The reason for all this change, for all that I will do, is you, dearest Luna. I love you.” I'm so, so sorry.
For these past six hundred years, I’ve felt like somepony has turned out the sun and all the lights. I used to see the world in color, but when I took up the Elements of Harmony for the last time, it’s like my world turned grey. It’s like my summer has turned into winter. I wish you were, Lulu. Then you would be able to help me turn my night into day. I can’t sleep, I can’t think at all, because it feels like I’m not even living anymore. I can’t say anything more, can’t see anymore because my sun is gone.
Please come back soon, Lulu. Please come turn on the sun once more. Make my life feel complete once again. That’s my only consolation, the only thing that keeps me going. Because you, little sister, you are all of my reasons for tomorrow.