What Bits Won't Buy
Another typical morning… great.
The new veils over my bed still didn’t block out the stupid sun, it was basically laughing in my face.
I did my best to wipe the sandmare’s dust from my eyes, yawning as I leaned up against my favorite heart-shaped pillow that smelled like strawberries.
When I finally opened my eyes… there they were side by side, I gave them both the same scowl I did every time. I couldn’t stand the new morning maids, with their fake smiles, nopony was happy being up this early.
“Good morning, Ms. Tiara,” they spoke in unison as they did their best to sound sweet and sincere.
I wondered how much time they’d spent practicing their little act in the mirror.
Of course I didn’t say a word to either of them, new or not they’d been here long enough to know I didn’t talk to anypony before breakfast.
Idiot number one carefully brushed back the useless veil as idiot two reached in and took me from my plush, soft bed without even asking. I was about to bite her, but then I remembered what daddy said about how biting the help was the same as biting off half my allowance.
The idiots carried me down the same long, lavished hallway. Our destination as usual was the bathroom, ten rooms down the red-carpeted walkway.
Not again. I groan to myself, a hoof pressed against my shaking head. Idiots two and one were wearing another of Daddy’s stupid costumes, French maid this time. He always had the help changing into something beyond embarrassing, last Friday all ten maids had been nurses.
For whatever reason he doesn’t make the butlers dress up, I don’t know why. Daddy could make them dress like clowns, that way they’d at least match the kind work they do around here.
By the time I’d finished my clown fantasy we’d arrived. The bath was already prepared, steam and bubbles overflowing from the edges, just the way I liked. Idiot two set me in the tub, while one shut the door.
“Ahh…” I couldn’t help but smile, the water had never felt this good before, my fur was tingling. Maybe it was the soothing steam, or the soapy water, I’d never smelled anything quite like it. The liquid soap lathered into a beautiful shade of pink.
After I finished bathing and toweling off, the two blow-dried and style my mane to perfection before they fetched the cushion that kept my tiara. Number one placed it on my mane, as regal as royalty.
Unlike the last two morning maids we had, these twins didn’t spend, like an hour paying me obvious compliments in the mirror.
A simple, “You look lovely, Ms. Tiara,” said maid number one. “Agreed, now go to your breakfast before it gets cold,” said the other.
I swore that cheap accent of theirs was just another act, but it’d almost been a week now and neither sister had dropped it yet. Maybe they weren’t the new idiots after all, maybe-
Breakfast! Daddy must be waiting for me.
I ran through the halls, luckily I know all the shortcuts so I made it to the dining hall in less than two minutes.
And there he was, sitting in his favorite chair at the table. He’s reading the newspaper, the stock exchanging side I bet. With a big smile on my face I jump into his lap, hugging his chest with my whole body, he’s just as warm as my haystack waffles.
“Morning Pumpkin,” he set the newspaper down.
Daddy gives me my favorite smile as he pets my mane.
“Did you sleep well? Are you ready for school?”
I nod, I finally stopped nuzzling him.
“Good. Now be a good girl and eat your breakfast.”
I honestly didn’t want to let go… because I know where he’d be going very soon. But I was Daddy’s perfect little princess so I did as I was told. Taking my seat and staring down at the small stack of waffles on my plate until the reappointed idiot number one came and poured syrup on them. She went back to tidying the kitchen afterward, and Daddy went back to his paper.
Mhmm, so… good! The first bite was always the absolute best.
This and Daddy were the only things that made morning worth it. It was the only reason the clumsy, big-hoofed maid still had her job.
Uh-oh…
Daddy had just finished reading the paper, and now he was folding it. I had to do something… fast.
“Daddy…?” I called for his attention, but I keep my eyes to my plate.
“What is it sweetie?
He had super senses, he could tell when something was bothering me, unlike most ponies. When I was little I used to think it obvious to anypony… the difference between somepony being happy and not happy, until I learned we could hide it, but Daddy always knew… somehow.
“Money can buy anything right?”
“Why yes, just about…”
“And… time is money, meaning if we can buy anything we can buy a pony, their time at least?”
“In most cases princess, we can, your ballet instructor for instance.”
My eyes rise from my plate, I looked Daddy straight in the eye. “Then… can I buy you?”
I was startled, shaken a bit when Daddy’s plate smashed against the polished floor so suddenly. The reappointed idiot had dropped another plate, no doubt she was eavesdropping.
He just sat there, mouth wide open, I knew it wasn’t because of the plate.
“I saved up two weeks allowance,” three hundred bits, “and I thought that was at least… worth a day.”
His eyes went in the opposite direction, away from mine and to the floor, I’m sure he could see his own reflection in it. He was rubbing the back of his mane, the way he did always did when giving bad news. His eyes had started shifting, like he was searching for an excuse.
“Well honey, you see… my time isn’t the same as most ponies.”
I was prepared to save for a month if I had to.
“I sold my time to my business a very, very long time ago, and it’s far too late to get a refund.”
Another thing I used to think when I was small, that money bought happiness. There were two things I’ve never doubted in my life: Daddy and bits. Now all I had left was Daddy to believe in. As I debated my doubts, Daddy had already left his chair. He kissed my forehead and gave me one thing I wanted, a hug.
“You’ll understand when you’re older princess, I promise.”
He said that about once a week, but at least he tried to explain, I believed he’d stay if he could. He waved to wish me good luck as he made his way through the hall and out the door. Our butler bid him farewell and shut the door behind him.
I managed to finish what was on my plate and the clumsy buffoon came in and took the dish back to the kitchen. She wiped my muzzle and praised me for finishing, I’m sure she knew what a moron she sounded like, mostly she was just trying to butter me up for her breaking the plate earlier. Everypony knows I hate loud noises.
It’s almost time for school. I trot toward the front door, treading the golden trimmed-red carpet as our butler fastens my saddle-bag with my lunch and school supplies to my side, afterward he opens the door.
“Thanks idiot number nine.” I say with my adorable smile.
Like a proper employed pony, he thanks me and returns my smile.
If he were smart he’d know why he was an idiot. He and everypony else there were being paid to do what they were told, like, how hard is that!? They’re lucky Daddy is so patient.
Idiot Nine shuts the door behind me as I venture into the bright light that beckoned me to the adoring world I would soon enter.
School was the same kind of world I’d left, it was predictable.
Ms. Cheerilee was talking about something my private tutors had taught me weeks ago. The chicken had her face glued to the desk, I doubt she could even fly in her own dreams. Ms. Cheerilee didn’t even try to wake her like yesterday, she just gave her the “extra-homework” glare.
Sweetie Belle was making sure her position as “teacher’s pet” was secure, she’d raised her hoof and answered every question the teacher ask us, she even put a useless apple on her desk this morning.
Speaking of useless apples, I bet that’s what the “bumpkin” was drawing with her teeth. I didn’t see the usual brown-paper bag, she was probably just drawing her lunch. I was trying my best not to snicker, I was about to turn to tell Silver Spoon the joke… until I caught her being weird again.
I raised an eyebrow at her, she’d been acting weird for like, a week now. Every time I happened to look at her she was already staring at me, always sighing with her eyes half-shut and that strange smile she had that one time we shared a milkshake. Sometimes she’d just start waving at me for no reason, and other times her eyes would uncomfortably lock to my cutie mark… like now!
Grr… I told her about that!
She was lucky to still be my best friend, she wasn’t like this outside of school, only… creepy in class. I’d just learned to ignore her when she got like this.
Ugh! Why do you even try you loser!?
And there was Twist, looking like a dork as usual, as queen she put the other ten to shame. I don’t even know why she kept trying, raising her hoof and then hiding it like a coward when Sweetie Belle put up hers. I’d watch her repeat the process five times before I got bored.
I sighed. Shoot!
Ms. Cheerilee calls on me, one sound… that’s all it ever takes, my stupid curse. Of course I know the answer. I answer quickly and keep my mouth shut till lunch time rolls around.
Lunch arrives, Silver and I eat at our favorite bench. The chicken and teacher’s pet share their food with the bumpkin, apparently she’d left her own, literally rushing out of a pig sten.
I start telling Silver Spoon about the awesome cruise Daddy let me go on by myself.
He had to work that weekend.
Just like always, everypony from class starts crowding around as I tell my lame story, I’ve been on plenty of boring cruises. Their eyes all light up as I tell them about all the stupid free food, how long the lame diving board was and how pathetically deep the huge pool happened to be.
Only the Cutie-MarkLosers hadn’t gathered, that’s what always happened. I wasn’t stupid! … I found out what my “talent” meant the first few days, that’s about how long I actually enjoyed it.
Daddy said I should be happy, I was like the sun. Just being me was the same as showing like a fine diamond, the same as the sun all I had to do was sit there and shine… simply smile and everypony would love me even if I didn’t do anything spectacular.
But I wanted to be like the moon, barely seen, only heard if I shout alongside others… true stars. My cutie mark was a curse, and it seemed like everypony with a mark of their own couldn’t see the real me.
That’s why I bullied those dumb Cutie-Mark-Crybabies.
The chicken was the easiest; her wings were her weak spot. The other two would come to aid their wounded friend, they’d defend her and spit fire my way. I just smirked the same as usually do, they got so angry as Silvy and I giggled. I was actually smiling on the inside…
They were the only ones that saw me as something other than the eight spectacle of Equestria, they treated me how I treated them and no worse. I kinda guessed it had something to do with them being blank-flanks. It’s why I teased them as harshly as I could, if they were discouraged I knew they’d never get their cutie-marks.
We couldn’t be friends… ever… it wasn’t fair. I know I was being selfish, but in a way, I kind of needed them. They told me, showed me that the real me wasn’t invisible, that whatever priceless miracle everypony else saw wasn’t all I was.
“Bwack-Bwack!”
Silver Spoon was doing the chicken impression she practiced for Scootaloo, I could see how much it hurt her.
“That’s enough Silver Spoon.” I chuckled as the school bell rang to call us back to the classroom. “Later losers,” Silvy and I call out as we laugh on our exit.
I felt bad, because we always picked on Scootaloo the most. She may not have been the smartest filly around, but she was the toughest without a doubt, that’s the only reason why. I’d only ever seen her cry once, it was hard to sleep that night…
School ended at three on the dot and we received our daily dose of homework, some double.
I told Silver Spoon I didn’t want to go for milkshakes after school anymore.
“What’s wrong Di?”
She looked at me with those big dumb eyes of hers. Getting milkshakes was my idea after all, she knew something was up.
“Nothings the matter! I just don’t want one anymore!” I snapped at her, thinking of the crap I’d have to deal with when I got home.
“So… what do you want then?”
I could never tell if she could or couldn’t take a solid hint. It was always what I wanted, I never even knew what she did when I was gone... probably the same thing I do, wait till I can see her again. We were best friends after all.
“I just wanna go home.” I sighed, heading toward the mansion.
To my surprise Silver Spoon followed me, tagging along behind like a stray puppy, even after I yelled at her. I hid a grateful smile to myself. She knew I hated being alone when I was upset like this.
As we arrived, Idiot Nine opened the door and let us in.
“Is Daddy in?” I asked, knowing the obvious answer.
The wrinkly old geezer sighed. You think he’d be happy to throw bad news in my face.
“I’m terribly sorry Ms. Tiara, but your father won’t be returning until much later in the eve. Is there anything I can do for you and your young friend till then?”
“No…”
He’d been here longer than any of the other servants, I bet he was wondering why I even bothered asking.
Silvy nuzzled my cheeks.
“I can wait for your dad with you, if you want?”
I didn’t say a word as we made our way up the massive staircase, the first door to the left was my room and Daddy’s was on the right.
I turned the handle and opened the door, once we were inside I didn’t even bother looking at any of my three hundred plushies, big or small. I just threw myself on my princess-sized bed, the veils were still brushed aside from this morning.
I lie on my side, putting my head on my favorite pillow and shut my eyes. Silvy climbed in after she saw I’d gotten comfortable. This wasn’t the first time she’d thrown her entire day away to wait for Daddy with me. I felt she could do better than me for a friend sometimes, but that would only make her miserable if ever I started saying things like that.
Silver laid down beside me, wrapping her hooves around my stomach, her warm cheeks pressed against mine as we slowly nodded off the way we always did.
Before I would dream of how happy seeing Daddy would make me, I could at least smile a little thanks to who I had beside me now. Silver Spoon had become my best friend because she was the only pony who had been by my side no matter how big a brat I was, before and after my cute-ceanera.
We never told each other how we got our marks, we didn’t exactly know how ourselves. Tiaras just naturally belong at the top, no one ever questions how they got there or how they manage to stay. And spoons, despite how small… can take something sweet or sour and separate it from the whole, keep it lifted up until its ready to return or be sent somewhere brand new.
I guess that’s what adults mean whenever they mention “spooning.”
I almost forgot to mention, there was one other thing I learned when I stopped being so little: That there are just some ponies, some moments that I wouldn’t trade for all the money in Equestria.