After realizing that she and her sister are forever disconnected from their greatest source of power, Princess Celestia grows more and more distant and less and less like her former self...
(Takes place right before the start of Season Three.) What is wrong with Princess Celestia? After realizing that she and her sister will never again use the power of the Elements of Harmony, she becomes tense and distant. As she starts to be less and like her former self, it's clear that she is planning something, but no one can imagine what it could be. Princess Luna seeks help from the Mane Six, but they are as powerless as she is to prevent the inevitable.... The Cover is a vector by: http://fc05.deviantart.net and is mostly a placeholder until I find a certain other image....
Prologue: Disconnected The stars on the alicorn’s eternal mane matched the stars in her night, which was nearly the same color as her deep blue coat. She stood watching the moon as it hung in the sky, appreciating her own work as there was no one else to do so. There never had been. She was on the balcony of the castle she and her sister shared, delaying her duties for a few minutes of peace. Soon, she would visit a nightmare, but right now, she wanted a minute to reflect on a nightmare of her own. Things hadn’t been the same since she had come back. She could tell that her powers weren’t what they had once been. They had faded after a thousand years of exile. She doubted that she had the strength to do much more than raise the moon each night. And even with that, there was trouble; she found herself unable to do it with as much ease and grace as before. Of course, she deserved it, but it wasn’t as if that made things any better. She let loose a long sigh. “Sister,” said a voice that sounded like honey, deep and sweet, “Whatever is wrong?” Luna gasped and turned around to see Tia looking at her, concerned. “I didn’t hear you come out here! Why are you still awake? You need your sleep, sister.” “Sleep is not as important to me as a happy sister. What is the matter?” Luna sighed again. “It’s just that I’m worried. My powers still aren’t what they were before. I’m beginning to seriously doubt they will ever come back! I’ll never feel what it’s like to effortlessly raise the moon again.” Her sister looked at her. “I have a theory, Luna.” Luna blinked. “What is it?” Tia dug at the floor with her hoof, obviously uncomfortable. “My powers, too, are fading.” Luna’s wings flared. “WHY DID NOT YOU TELL US THIS EARLIER?” Tia leaned slightly away from her. “I didn’t want you to be worried, and…” “DID YOU BELIEVE US INCAPABLE OF HANDLING THE SAME EMOTIONAL BURDEN?” Luna shouted at her, still too upset to stop using the Royal Canterlot Voice. “Well, when you put it that way… I just didn’t want… you’re right. I’m sorry, Luna.” “I… It’s alright. It’s more important that you tell me your theory.” “Thank you. You see, I think that the reasons our powers are fading is because we are no longer connected to the Elements of Harmony.” “That does make sense…but how can you be certain?” “Well, do you remember when I banished you?” “How could I forget it?” “I—shouldn’t have asked that. But, anyway. I took the Elements and I… well, when I banished you, I was trying to use them alone. That’s something you should never do… it’s abuse to things that were always meant to be used by a group of friends, the magic they create together being the true power. And I think… when I did that… they disowned me, in a way.” “They can do that?” “Apparently so, because when I tried to use them again, it didn’t work anymore.” “Oh Tia…” “I know. I was so stupid. And now I’ve caused both of us weakness and distress. Can you ever forgive me?” “Well… It was my fault, really.” “What do you mean? I don’t understand. It was me who completely misused the Elements, not you.” “But I was the one who forced you to do it. You had no choice.” “Luna, how many times must I say this? You did not become Nightmare Moon simply through jealously. The Nightmare Forces took you over.” “But not without my full consent!” “You didn’t know what they were going to do!” “But I was willing to do whatever it took.” “Luna, you might as well blame the ponies who shunned your night.” “They were not the ones who allowed themselves to become consumed by jealously. It’s my fault that the Elements are no longer connected to us.” “Perhaps this is a pointless argument.” Luna nodded. “But the question is, what are we to do now? We may not even be immortal any longer. We’ve been connected to those elements since… well, let’s see. There were the first thousand years, and then we became rulers, and then another five hundred, and then we defeated Discord and found the Elements, and then… oh, I don’t know how long passed. It feels like time sped up.” “I know what you mean. The ideas about alicorns are many. Who knows if we were immortal in the first place? But it certainly feels like if we ever were, we are not now.” “If we’re not immortal… then won’t be able to rule forever, Tia. We’ll need someone to rule after us.” “You’re right. In fact, I have someone in mind…” “Who is it?” “Well, let me see if you can guess.” “Oh, Tia. Do you remember?” “Remember the guessing games we played when we were little? Oh, of course I do. They remind of me of times when everything was a little less complicated. When the most important things in your life were things like playing with your sister, finishing your homework, and learning to use wings and magic.” “Well?” “Well what?” “Aren’t you going to give me a clue?” Tia’s white head shook back and forth with laughter. “Some things, Luna, never change. Yes, I will… let’s see. She’s a unicorn.” “Alright, the she thing narrows it down to half the population, the unicorn to a sixth, and let’s see, what unicorn mares do you know well? There’s… I think I’ve got it!” “Oh, then what is it?” her sister’s voice was light with amusement. “Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle?” “Exactly! You win. Again.” “I think she’ll make a wonderful princess.” “Yes…” muttered Tia. She was looking off into the distance. “Tia? Tia? Are you listening? Equestria to Tia!” “I just wish… never mind. I’m glad you agree with me about Twilight. I wasn’t sure… I mean, you’ve got to consider…” “Tia, tell me what’s wrong.” “It’s nothing! I just… it doesn’t matter anymore. I just needed a second opinion. I mean, it’s not like… you know what, I’m very sleepy all of a sudden, Luna.” “Tia—“ She was gone. Luna stared at the door. “Goodnight, sister. Sleep well.” She banished her suspicions. Weren’t there scared foals to enter the nightmares of? Luna took a second longer looking at the door. She knew it led to her bedroom. And if she went to a tower that looked in the opposite direction, she would see Tia’s bedroom, where she had probably just gone. Luna didn’t hesitate. At least she wasn’t really shirking her duties. After all, she was entering a dream. It just wasn’t a nightmare… at least, she hoped it wasn’t a nightmare. Luna closed her eyes and set off. She found herself in a different dimension entirely. It was a place where people’s unconscious minds drifted and connected. She walked among the ideas and fantasies, looking in on the extraordinary products of imagination commonly known as dreams. The closer she was to a person, the clearer their dream was, so it only took her a few seconds to discover what Tia was dreaming. However, it would take her the rest of her life to truly understand why she was dreaming it.
Twilight Sparkle skipped through Canterlot, her saddlebags filled with books. A smile decorated her purple muzzle; it was a wonderful day whenever she was going to have tea with the Princess, even if on this particular day, clouds had covered the sky, and rain was pouring down. She could barely see the sun through a gap in one of the gray clouds, which loomed over her. She smiled at them, knowing that there were Pegasus ponies that had worked very hard to make this rain, and that it would benefit Canterlot. She had always appreciated how much the Pegasi did to make the weather balanced. It was even more so that she had done research on exactly how wings worked. It seemed to her that it took a lot of practice and talent to use them well, though some ponies --she suspected Rainbow Dash was among them-- had a natural-born talent for it, and flew from a young age. The same was true of Pound Cake, she realized. She nudged the errant thoughts out of her head-- the palace was before her, and she was nearly late! Twilight Sparkle winced. She hated being late. Only one thing to do... Her horn lit up, and she teleported into their private tearoom, shaking her wet mane out. She looked over to see the princess completely soaked. Twilight Sparkle gasped, and immediately began to siphon off all the water with a spell. "I'm so sorry, Princess! I didn't mean to do that-- oh, I hope this dries out of your mane!" Princess Celestia laughed, and went to help Twilight get all the water out of her mane. "It's alright, Twilight. That was an impressive feat of teleportation, you know." Twilight blinked. "Thank you! You're so kind!" "Sit down, Twilight," said Princess Celestia, obviously very amused. However, Twilight saw her eyebrow twitch slightly, and immediately recognized one of the stress tics of the Princess. She'd known her for a very long time... "Princess, is something wrong? I'm sorry if I'm being nosy, but you don't look happy." Princess Celestia looked at her, and Twilight looked back at her long-time mentor. She was a glorious being-- pure white, decorated with gold and purple, and with a beautiful, ethereal mane. And yet, Twilight could see how stressed she was. She was surprised at just how good she was at telling this. Perhaps it was all of her experience with friendship that was giving her this new insight into Celestia's feelings. "Well," said Princess Celestia. She trailed off, looking out the window at the rain. "Tea, Twilight?" The teapot on the table was enveloped in a yellow glow, and Twilight gratefully enveloped it in hers. "Earl Gray?" "Your favorite," confirmed Princess Celestia. Twilight raised the cup to her lips, letting the steam flow into the air between them. It curled into a shape that was uncomfortably like a question mark, and Twilight looked at the Princess. The Princess poured a cup for herself and raised it to her lips, delaying the subject. Twilight studied her. What was going on with her mentor? Whatever it was, Twilight was positive that it wasn't good... but then again, she might be wrong... she might be excited for something! Twilight leapt at the chance that whatever was happening was a good thing, and ignored her instinct that it really wasn't, that it was the exact opposite. "Princess, what's coming up lately? Anything exciting?" Twilight's eyes brimmed with hope. Princess Celestia resumed looking out the window. "The opposite, to tell the truth." "What do you mean, Princess?" "I mean that lately, things are a little... well, they're boring." "Boring? What do you mean?" "Well, it's just that with all this court policy, and talking to griffons, and organizing things, there's not time for me to do anything alone anymore. I don't have time to do things like work through my feelings--" Celestia abruptly cut herself off. Twilight considered the tail end of Celestia's sentence. She began to see what was going on, but she stopped herself from prying into it further, at least for the moment. She needed to wait, to take a more subtle approach to things. She wasn't going to get anything out of her teacher if she asked blunt questions-- she'd already proven that assumption wrong. Her perfect, wonderful mentor... for a minute, Twilight found herself questioning exactly what was worrying her about Celestia. Was it the eyebrow twitch? The cut off sentences? The near-constant looks out the window? It certainly seemed to spell trouble, but couldn't it easily be anxiety about ruling, or something like that? Or maybe, Celestia was mad at her? The possibility crashed onto Twilight like a tidal wave. Oh no... What if she'd done something wrong on one of her assignments? Oh, what if she'd said something to Celestia that made her upset, and she hadn't even noticed? What if she'd... Twilight looked at Celestia. "P-Princess? Are you mad at me?" Celestia stared at her. "Of course I'm not mad at you, Twilight? Whatever would make you think that?" Twilight shrugged. "It's just that you seemed so distant, and I was wondering why... I'm sorry, Princess!" "Twilight, you're right. I am a little distant today, and I'm sorry. I'm not exactly feeling my best lately." "I... gathered as much." "Yes. You're a very perceptive mare, Twilight." "Thank you... Celestia, why aren't you feeling at your best? I'm worried for you." "Don't be. It's alright. Twilight… I need to deal with this myself.” Twilight looked at the Princess. "But Princess... that's what friends are for." Celestia gave her a wan smile. "I know that, Twilight. But I don't want to burden you with my problems." "You wouldn't be burdening me." "Twilight, please stop talking about this!" said the Princess sharply, glaring at Twilight. Twilight gasped and immediately went into a flurry of apologies. "I didn't mean to pry, I'm so sorry, I didn't--" Celestia seemed even more surprised than Twilight was about her outburst. "Let's continue our tea and talk about other matters, shall we?" "Oh-- yes, of course!" Long after the tea was over and Twilight was home in Ponyville, Twilight found herself unable to stop thinking about her visit to Canterlot. What was going on?
Celestia shifted awkwardly on the velvet pillow, muttering to herself.
“You’re being illogical…”
She looked up from her reverie just in time; with the first knock on the throne room doors, Day Court had officially begun.
“Come in,” she called.
In came two mares, who seemed engaged in a heated argument. One had a southern twang that reverberated through the throne room; the other had a bold rainbow mane.
Celestia blinked in recognition. “Twilight’s friends? Applejack and Rainbow Dash? Why are you arguing?”
“Well you see, yer Highness—“
“This—“
They spoke over each other, and Celestia winced. She hated the sound of anger. “Both of you, stop! Applejack, you go first.” Rainbow glared at Applejack, but she wouldn’t defy the wishes of the princess.
“Yer Highness, this prismatic excuse for a weatherpony scheduled the rain wrong! With how she’s put things in order, there won’t be enough for my apple trees to grow. I came to ask you to explain to her why she should put more rain in the schedule.”
“And I,” interjected Rainbow Dash, “Am here to tell you why we shouldn’t! Ponyville has had enough rain in the past few weeks. The little rain right now is to balance things out!”
Celestia looked at the two of them, with concern growing in her eyes. “Why didn’t you talk to Twilight about this?”
Rainbow Dash snorted derisively. “Because ever since she came back from tea with you, she’s been reading this book called “The 100 Most Likely Causes that a Pony is Upset.” We all put it down to some assignment you gave her.”
Celestia’s white cheeks turned pink. “I—don’t know what could be the cause of that. Erm, anyway! Applejack… how much will your apple trees be affected by lack of rain?”
“To be honest, Princess, it hasn’t been a good season. They’ll need all the rain they can get.”
“Sure, but that doesn’t mean you can drench all of Ponyville!” interjected Rainbow Dash.
Celestia looked at Rainbow Dash, slightly amused. “What exactly do you have against more rain?”
Rainbow looked at her hooves. “I—I’m the lead weatherpony! It’s a job I just took over and frankly, I’m not exactly confident about it!”
Applejack looked at her oddly. “You mean to tell me, sugarcube, that the whole reason you dragged me here head over hooves is because you don’t want ponies questioning yer authority?”
“Well… I… It’s more complicated than that!”
Celestia was trying not to laugh. Really she was. “Rainbow, just because you’re the authority doesn’t mean you can’t listen to the suggestions of others.”
“So you think I should schedule more rain, huh?”
“Well... what do you think?”
“Oh, so yes. That’s kind of odd coming from the princess of the sun. I mean, I wouldn’t think you’d want it to be obscured.”
“Rainbow, I’d never think like that! That’s the kind of thinking that turned Luna into Nightmare Moon!”
Rainbow leaned back slightly. “Oh… I’m sorry.” She was looking at Celestia as if she’d turned into someone completely different.
Applejack looked from the pegasus to the princess. “So, we should go now?”
“Sure, Applejack,” muttered the cyan mare next to her.
Later
Celestia was still sitting on the velvet cushion, even though it was nearly time to lower the sun.
Rainbow’s words had hit close to home—likely, more close to home than either of the two mares had realized.
At least, she hoped they hadn't realized....
Lately, those had been exactly the thoughts she had had, whenever rain came. That her sun shouldn’t be obscured.
She was being so silly, she knew it, but in a way, she could justify her actions. She’d realized lately that the sun was more important than the moon. It was rather obvious when you thought about it. But Luna was still her sister, and the moon was still quite important, so when she realized the thought, she had done nothing but dismiss it.
But then she had started thinking that the sun was more important than the rain, too.
She wasn’t sure when she had started thinking these thoughts, but she knew that they needed to be stopped. She got the feeling they were leading her along a path she didn’t want to go…
The throne room door opened, and in came Luna, smiling at her. “Sister, it’s time!”
“Oh—yes.”
Together, the two of them went to their shared balcony, talking quietly to each other.
“How was Day Court?”
“It was… eventful. Two of Twilight’s friends—Applejack and Rainbow, remember them? They were arguing about rain. It turned about to be more about Rainbow being insecure than anything else…”
“Really now? Tell me more.”
Celestia finished the story, and then they performed their nightly dance, one raising and one lowering.
“Well, goodbye,” said Celestia, “I wish you luck…” Night Court tended to bring out rather odd individuals. For a princess who was rather more antisocial than her counterpart, it wasn’t always easy, but according to Luna, it was always entertaining.
Luna laughed and sat back to watch the doors.
In a flash of yellow light, Celestia teleported back to her bedroom, where she sat on the bed. She had a letter she needed to write to Twilight if she hoped to get a single hour of sleep tonight.
Levitating a quill, some ink and a scroll, she began to write her message, waiting for Luna to come and tell her it was morning.
My Dearest Twilight Sparkle, Your friends came to Canterlot today, and mentioned something that concerned me greatly; that you were looking up reasons a pony could be upset. Please, do not worry about me. Since your visit, I’ve been feeling much better! It turned out that all I needed was a little rest and relaxation. Ruling a kingdom isn’t all sunshine and roses, as I’m sure you understand. I wanted to ask you a question. Have you ever felt as if you are more important than people think? The question is purely theoretical; I simply want to know what you think on the matter. Your friend, Celestia
Celestia sent the letter and then fell asleep.
She hated to lie, but in this case, she felt she had to…
I’m so glad to hear you’re feeling better! Rainbow and Applejack told me about their visit to Canterlot, and I concur with your decision.
As for your question about feeling more important than others around you: I never have. I almost never have. At the moment when I got my cutie mark and became your protégé, I felt a rush of importance, of destiny. That my life held something greater than most.
Of course, it was probably just me being silly.
I have no reason to feel more important than anyone else, but I can see why you might. You are, with no doubt, the most important pony in all of Equestria! Along with Princess Luna, of course.
Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle
Twilight sealed the letter and turned to Spike, who had been impatiently waiting for her to finish.
“There, it’s done!”
Spike wasted no time in blowing it away in a flash of green smoke. “Rarity’swaitinggottagobye!”
Rarity, Twilight Sparkle recalled, had asked him to go gem-hunting with her. Of course the baby dragon would waste no time to fulfill her wishes.
She had intended to go out for lunch, but there was some time before her reservation. Her eyes drifted to the book she’d been looking at before Celestia’s letter had arrived, and the stack of copious notes right beside it.
Yes, the reasons Celestia had sighted for her stress were in the book. But, didn’t Celestia have thousands of years of experience ruling? And compared to how things were a long time ago, right now really was sunshine and roses. She had her sister back, Discord remained trapped in stone, the Elements had been found, Cerberus was safely back in Tartarus.
Twilight chuckled to herself. They were practically waiting for something else to hit its thousand year deadline.
So was it really royal stress?
Twilight flipped open the book to one of the pages she’d marked.
Reason 68:
Often, when a pony is feeling morally conflicted, they will become distracted by their mental split. They can spend long hours thinking about their ambiguity, and become worried they won’t make the right choice. This can cause severe stress.
Common Actions:
-Snapping at other ponies
-Not paying attention to the conversation
-Muttering anxiously to themselves
-Spending a lot of time alone, thinking
-Focusing on whatever they conflicted about
A pony may feel conflicted about a decision they have to make. For example, they might have to choose between telling a friend the truth and upsetting them, or keeping the truth a secret. Or they might be overtaken by a feeling they don’t understand—like if a mare who considers herself straight has a crush on another mare. What does she do? (For more information on repressing feelings, go to Reason 38)
Twilight looked at the text, thinking to herself. She turned the pages back, to Reason 38.
Reason 38:
A pony who represses their feelings can become overloaded with tension. They become upset over the smallest things and worry over nothing. They aren’t being true to themselves, and it can weigh on their shoulders. When you push how you feel away, only bad can come of it.
Common Actions:
-Worrying about small things
-Becoming upset over nothing at all
-Saying “I’m fine.”
-Coming up with other reasons for their distress
-Refusing to talk about how they feel
When Princess Luna repressed her emotions, she turned into Nightmare Moon. She pushed away her feelings and so succumbed to the Nightmare Forces and her own jealousy. Of course, not everyone who represses their emotions suffers this fate, but you still should never do so or let a friend do so.
Twilight flicked the pages absently, thinking to herself.
Suddenly overtaken by frustration and worry, she slammed the book shut and went to lunch. Perhaps a daisy sandwich would help her think.
As she walked through Ponyville, she noticed clouds being pushed into position for a long rainshower. She would need to hurry if she wanted to get there on time… or maybe not.
Her horn glowing a bright magenta, she disappeared in a flash of pink light and reappeared at the restaurant, scaring Pinkie Pie.
“Twilight! What are you doing here? Well I guess you’re going for lunch, but omigosh you came so fast and you came right in front of me and I was like omigosh what’s Twilight doing here and—“
Just as Pinkie was about to launch into a long, complicated, and completely unintelligible explanation that Twilight’s rational mind would never be able to comprehend, Twilight held up one hoof. “Nevermind, I’m just glad you’re here now. Would you like to lunch with me?”
“Yes indeedy-doodle!”
“Great,” said Twilight, resigning herself to a lunch with no time for quiet contemplation. Then again, perhaps that was a good thing. She wouldn’t think about Celestia at all during lunch, she decided.
They got about ten minutes through a leisurely lunch before Twilight couldn’t keep herself from thinking about Celestia.
“Pinkie, I have a question.” She was asking Pinkie Pie for advice about a complex emotional situation? Well, at least Pinkie had lots of experience in the friendship department. Maybe she had experienced this situation before?
“What?”
“What do you do when a friend is feeling down?”
Pinkie Pie seemed to be actually considering the question seriously. It was nearly five minutes before she responded—minutes Twilight spent barely breathing and nervously tapping her hooves on the ground.
“Well, you just have to be there for them. You can’t always solve another ponies’ problem. Sometimes, you just have to give them support.”
Twilight was surprised at the maturity and experience behind Pinkie’s response. She smiled at her friend. “Thank you,” she said, and she meant it.
After getting home, Twilight decided to send a letter to Princess Celestia telling her she was always there for her. Not before Princess Celestia replied to hers, of course. What would be more presumptious? Then she didn’t think any more about it. As Pinkie said, it wouldn’t help for her to try and solve Celestia’s problem. Not that she knew what it was. Couldn’t she at least try to find out what it was?
Even though she glanced at the book she’d been studying earlier many times throughout the rest of her day, it was only when she dreamed that she began to truly worry again.
Memories moved through her dreamscape…
Coming up with other reasons for their distress. Snapping at other ponies. Not paying attention. Muttering to themselves. Saying “I’m fine.” When Princess Luna repressed her emotions, she turned into Nightmare Moon… no longer connected to the Elements of Harmony. Celestia’s defeat at the hooves of Chrysalis. Rain. Have you ever felt that you are more important than other ponies? Ruling alone for a thousand years.
They were things Twilight would have never connected awake. But in her dream, an invisible thread wound easily through them.
Twilight woke up staring at the ceiling, strangely calm.
What if what was going on with Princess Celestia was like what happened to Luna? What if she felt that the sun was the most important thing in Equestria, that anything obscuring it was wrong? Of course, she’d be conflicted. She’d argue with herself, tell herself that her thoughts were irrational, that this kind of thinking had led to the banishment of her sister.
It would be made worse by a theory Twilight had been entertaining… that maybe since they Princesses didn’t have the elements, they were losing power? Celestia had lost to Chrysalis, after all. She and Luna couldn’t defeat Discord. Twilight and her friends had done most of the saving of Equestria as of late. Imagine losing your powers because you had to banish your sister. Trying to balance that with a feeling of self-importance. Also, ruling Equestria. It had to be hard. It had to be incredibly hard.
