It's Not Your Fault
Nopony could have foreseen her death.
“We are here to pay our respects to one filly, a pony who had a heart of gold…”
Must… not… cry…
The orange pegasus stood in the back, attempting with all her willpower to stop her tear-filled eyes from releasing their salty load. All around her, rain was pouring down heavily, Rainbow Dash and her team having moved the clouds to stop the water from reaching everypony attending the funeral.
“… a pony who would not let anypony else behind, a pony w-who…”
The Princess stuttered as she spoke, small tears running down her muzzle as she continued to speak to the crowd in front of her.
“… a pony who is alive in all our h-h-hearts…”
No, I mustn’t cry…
Scootaloo was losing the battle, small droplets threatening to stream down her muzzle. Only a few moments after did she decide to let it all out, galloping away at top speed upon hearing Princess Celestia speak that name, the name of the filly who was no longer in the world of the living:
“… may she find peace in the afterlife, our l-l-little Apple Bloom.”
Scootaloo hadn’t stopped for a single thing. She weaved in and out of bushes, paying no heed to the seemingly endless supply of thorns, ignoring the rain, ignoring the pain in her hooves, ignoring everything else but the beating of her heart, until she reached the one safe place she knew, the one place she had loved for so many years, the one place where she could let out all the sadness:
The clubhouse.
As she entered, she felt she could no longer contain the sadness, falling to the floor and letting her tears flow freely, each drop unable to quell the depression, the wrenching pit in her stomach.
All the crusades… all the time we spent together…
And now she’s gone…
…
…
And it’s all my fault.
“Come on, guys! Scootaloo still hasn’t gotten her cutie mark, and we’re not gonna stop now!” Apple Bloom’s inspirational speech had quickly gotten the other two crusaders pumped up for the adventure to follow.
Sweetie Belle had been the first to receive her cutie mark, followed quickly after by Apple Bloom. Not wanting to leave Scootaloo behind, they had continued their crusading, but only to help her fly and get her own mark.
The three had built a tall platform (with the help of Twilight) for the pegasus to jump off from, small nets stretching out in case of a failed attempt at flying.
“Whatcha waitin’ for? Get up here, Scootaloo!”
“Wow, you can see all of Ponyville from up here,” Sweetie Belle commented as Scootaloo climbed up, energized and ready to fly.
“Let’s do this!”
Attempt #1: The orange pegasus jumped off, hovered for a fraction of a second, and continued downward until she got tangled in one of the nets.
Attempt #2: Scootaloo ran off, attempting to get enough speed, but still failed to fly, barely hitting the edge of one of the nets.
And so she continued…
Attempt #385: Scootaloo rode off with her scooter, letting it fall as she hovered in the air for a second before plummeting down like a rock. But at that speed, she was going to miss the net for sure! The orange pegasus barely had enough time to look down as she prepared for impact…
… and she floated down at a much slower speed, though by no means gently.
Sweetie Belle had galloped all the way down and tried to envelop the orange pegasus in a levitation hold, which worked… somewhat.
“Owww… Okay, I’m ready for attempt 386!”
“Dontcha think it’s getting’ a little late?” Apple Bloom noticed that the sun was already setting, and she knew her sister would get mad if she stayed out until the night.
“Yeah, and I have to go help Rarity clean up,” Sweetie Belle concurred, but Scootaloo would have none of that.
“Pllllleeeaaassseeeee?” At the sight of those large, cute eyes, even the strongest of ponies would acquiesce to her demands.
“All right,” the other two crusaders replied, “but only one more time.”
Scootaloo rapidly dashed up to the top of the platform and cleared her mind of everything else other than flying.
The air grew silent, the tension palpable as the filly stepped forth onto her final try, the moment of truth mere seconds away…
And she slipped.
As the pegasus filly tumbled down she attempted to flap her wings as fast as she could, but something in the back of her mind advised her not to do so. Halfway down, Scootaloo stopped flapping, extending her wings out as far as she could, and all of a sudden, she performed one powerful flap.
Then another.
And another.
And another still.
And the rushing air changed direction.
Eyes closed in fright and anxious desire, she continued that simple rhythm:
Flap.
Extend.
Flap.
Extend.
Flap.
Extend.
And on that next flap, her curiosity tore at the back of her mind, struggling to take control of her eyelids and allow her to witness her accomplishment.
“Scoots, you’re flying!”
“Yeah, ya did it!”
Only after hearing such praise did the orange pegasus brave to open those windows to the soul and take in the beautiful, moving scenery below her.
I’m… I’m flying!
I’M REALLY FLYING!
With unbridled excitement, she almost messed up her rhythm, descending slowly against her will.
No, I will not fall!
Extend.
Flap.
Extend.
The air began to support her wings once again, the sunset providing a magnificent scenery in front of the winged pony as she continued her ascent, soaring among the clouds.
And that’s when she saw it, in the distance, a little ways away:
Her mentor’s house, the sun’s brilliance accentuating the smooth curves of the clouds and emphasizing the magnificent hues.
Huh? What’s her house doing all the way out there?
Scootaloo noticed that below her was the entrance to the Everfree Forest, and she would have to fly over the dense forest to reach Rainbow Dash.
I’ll take that challenge.
Alas, she paid no heed to her friends’ warnings and continued her rhythm, slowly approaching that one mare who had always believed in her, who had helped her whenever she had the chance.
“Scootaloo, stop! The Everfree Forest is dangerous! You could fall in!” Sweetie Belle tried as hard as possible to project her voice, but the orange pegasus was too far off.
“Come on, Sweetie Belle! We have ta go after her!” With not even a second to pause, Apple Bloom took her lasso, a gift from her sister on the day her cutie mark appeared, and rushed forward, straight into the forest.
“But Apple Bloom! It’s dangerous!”
“Then stay here! Ah’ll go find her!” With that, the small filly rushed in, her bow disappearing behind the foliage, Sweetie Belle weighing her options until making that ultimate decision:
“Wait, Apple Bloom, I’m right behind you!”
Scootaloo didn’t want to remember. Not now, not this way. She tried to think about Rainbow Dash, about the Wonderbolts, about anything – but no matter what, her brain would always bring up that memory, that one time when she dared to fly, when one of her best friends paid the price for her recklessness.
When she ignored her friends’ warnings and brought Apple Bloom to her death.
Death. Nevermore among all the other ponies, no longer alongside family and friends. A terminal condition. Never had any crusades ended like this, no matter how much destruction the three had made.
Each word, each image tugged at the pegasus’s heart, the pain almost unbearable as her brain decided to continue the story of loss, of despair… of death.
“Hey, Rainbow Dash!”
Scootaloo had reached the house after ten long minutes in the sky. Her flying speed had been nowhere near admirable, but that didn’t bother her. She knocked quickly and fiercely on the door, unable to contain her excitement at what she had accomplished.
The door swung open, revealing a somewhat tired pegasus, as if she had been awoken from a long nap.
“Huh, Scoots, what do you want?” Rainbow Dash shook her head slightly to clear her mind, the cogs attempting to process the image before her.
“Wait a second… Scootaloo, how did you get up here?”
“Well, how do you think, Rainbow Dash?” The orange pony bounced up and down on the clouds, attempting her best to control her emotions.
“I flew!”
“N… No way! Scootaloo, you flew? That’s so awesome!” The cerulean pegasus rushed over Scootaloo, wrapping her hooves around the surprised filly and giving her a tight embrace.
“I knew you could do it, Scoots!” Rainbow let go and began to do what she always did upon hearing great news:
She performed stunts of drastic measures, ending the display in a Sonic Rainboom. The orange filly simply stared in awe at such a grand performance, especially when Rainbow picked her up right before the making her Rainboom.
The experience was unlike any other. The raw speed, the conglomeration of colors spreading out in such perfect synchronicity…
All so fast, yet so slow, time bending to accommodate every single moment yet still too fast to revel in the haze, the light, the warmth…
And in only three seconds, the display was over, Scootaloo back on the cloud with Rainbow Dash hugging her with all her might… at least, before she noticed she was doing so.
“Ahem… Yeah, so, good job, Scoots! You learned how to fly!” Rainbow let go of the orange pegasus, later addressing her with a mildly scolding tone.
“Still, you should know better than to fly over the Everfree Forest! It’s not safe there. What if you had gotten a wing cramp and fallen in?”
“Ok, Rainbow Dash, but I saw your house here and so I just had to pop in! By the way, why is your house here?” Scootaloo wore an inquisitive expression, recognizing that Rainbow always lived farther inland.
“Well…” Rainbow leaned in close to the orange filly, her voice as soft as a whisper. “If I tell you, you have to keep it a secret.”
“Of course, Rainbow! You know how good I am at keeping secrets!”
The rainbow-maned pegasus disregarded that last statement, not wanting to remember all the other times Scootaloo had divulged such private information, and continued.
“Look over there. You see the sunset? Right now, it looks colorful, but that’s nothing. Give it a couple more seconds, then watch.”
No sooner had she finished speaking when that one crucial moment arose, the rays emanating from the sun spreading out in countless directions, bending and splitting into all the colors of Rainbow’s mane. The scene was breathtaking, perhaps even more so than a Sonic Rainboom, yet it lasted only a fraction of a second, and then it was gone.
But for that fraction of a second, everything was right with the world.
“See, that’s why I move my house here every sunset. Apart from being a training exercise, of course.”
Scootaloo quickly understood, giving her mentor a smile so wide it challenged even Pinkie Pie’s.
“Now, Scoots, I’m going to stay here for a while. I think I worked a little too hard today, so I’m going to sleep here. Are you sure you can get back, or do you want me t–”
“No problem, Rainbow Dash, I can fly now! See you later!”
With that, Scootaloo jumped off of the cloud, confident in her ability to fly, remembering to flap and extend her wings.
Five seconds later, though, Rainbow Dash already heading back inside her house, Scootaloo decided to wave good-bye. Before she could do so, though, something else caught her eye, a figure so familiar yet unexpected, a figure she had been searching for all her life:
It was a wing, supported by blue streams of air, an icon so uplifting.
It was her cutie mark.
That was when the nightmare began.
Scootaloo, overjoyed by this new discovery, lost control of her wings, forgetting the pattern that had carried her up to her mentor’s house. She flapped, flapped, kept flapping – until her left wing cramped, some feathers bending at an unnatural angle as she tumble towards the air, screaming the one name that had stuck in her mind:
“RAINBOW DASH!”
The cerulean pegasus rapidly exited the door, recognizing the voice and launching herself off at an impressionable speed.
“Scootaloo, hold on!”
Unfortunately for Rainbow Dash, though, Scootaloo was already halfway down, a deep pit with jagged rocks right below making matters worse for the small orange pegasus. Rainbow tried with all her might to speed up, but the previous stunts had taken its toll on her energy. Still, she attempted with all her might, frightened at the prospect of not reaching in time.
But she knew.
She knew that at that speed she would never reach Scootaloo.
But maybe Apple Bloom could.
“Scootaloo!”
The earth pony took her lasso out, one end in her mouth, and began to spin the rope, the resemblance to Applejack simply astounding. With accurate precision, the same as when she saved that small foal the day her cutie mark appeared, she launched the loop up towards the falling orange pegasus, everypony holding their breaths for the moment of truth…
The loop surrounded Scootaloo as she fell into the pit, Apple Bloom at the edge pulling with all her might to stop her descent.
Unfortunately, unlike last time, the pony she was trying to save was as big as her.
“Ugh, Ah can’t hold on!” Apple Bloom’s hooves were skidding on the dirt, small clouds rising from the points of contact.
“Apple Bloom, let me help!” Sweetie Belle bounded in from behind, using her magic to grab the rope and help her pull, Rainbow Dash quickly joining in afterwards and pulling Scootaloo up from the edge.
It was probably the longest twenty seconds of their lives, those twenty seconds spent tugging at the rope and saving the orange pegasus from instant death.
“Are you okay, Scootaloo?” The three ponies all huddled close to their friend, who lay astonished and virtually unscathed from the whole ordeal.
All of a sudden, Rainbow Dash picked up the dazed filly and hugged her with all her might, a tear or two forming in her eyes.
“I’m so glad you’re okay.”
Only then did the others notice the mark on Scootaloo’s flank.
“Wow, Scootaloo, you got your cutie mark!” Sweetie Belle’s expression immediately transformed from one of worry to one of excitement, of joy.
“Ya did it, Scootaloo!” Apple Bloom jumped with happiness, unable to contain her excitement.
If only she hadn’t stayed so close to the edge.
If only she hadn’t jumped that thirteenth time.
If only Scootaloo had listened in the first place.
If only…
As soon as hooves and ground connected after that last jump, the rock gave way, the earth pony dropping her lasso as she lost her balance…
And fell into the pit.
Scootaloo’s mind continued to replay that scene over and over.
The way her body was twisted, all appendages at unnatural angles, the screams and endless tears…
That single thump resounded through her skull, clawing away at her existence.
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP
CRASH
The orange filly smashed her forehoof onto the floor, the force so great it broke one of the boards, pain arcing up as small splinters stuck out. The pain never registered, though – the agony in her heart was too much, simply unbearable.
Why? Why did it have to be her?
Scootaloo curled up into a ball, tears once again clouding her vision as she tried to calm herself down, finding it impossible as the same thought resounded in her mind.
It should have been me.
Not her.
It shouldn’t have been her.
It should have been me!
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN M–
“S-Scootaloo?”
The orange filly didn’t need to see to know exactly who owned that voice, but right now she didn’t want anypony near her, not when she was like this. Not when she was sad, depressed, vulnerable.
“S-Sweetie B-Belle, go away. C-c-can’t you see I’m busy here?”
The tinge of anger went by unnoticed, the unicorn filly’s eyes also teary, small lines traced onto her face and staining her muzzle, her mane disheveled and worn by the menacing, remorseless rain.
“S-Scootaloo, I know you’re h-hurting, too, and I j-just w-want–”
“I said, GET OUT!”
Sweetie Belle almost leapt out of her coat at such a display of aggression. This wasn’t the Scootaloo she knew: granted, she could sometimes get riled up, but she would never raise her voice at one of her friends. A part of her was constantly nagging, telling her to leave, that Scootaloo needed some space.
No, that’s not what she needs. Right now she needs a friend.
“I’m not l-leaving, Scootaloo.” The door creaked sorrowfully as it closed, the filly slowly walking closer and closer to the orange ball of fluff. Sweetie Belle stretched out a hoof, attempting to calm down the whimpering pegasus, when Scootaloo tried her best to shuffle across the floor, not wanting any interaction with her friend.
“It was all my fault.”
That was the only sentence that escaped the trembling ball of fur, tears long since dried up as their reserves had already bottomed out. Such sadness, all from the filly who Sweetie Belle had always looked up to as the definition of bravery and determination… The scene tore at her heart, only augmenting the pain that enveloped it, her entire body shaking as she tried to remain calm.
“S-Scootaloo…”
Once again, the pegasus inched away, turning over so Sweetie Belle could no longer see her tear-stained face. Unwavering in her determination, the unicorn once again reached out, and her hoof was met by a smack.
“I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT! I DON’T WANT YOU HERE, SO LEAVE!”
Sweetie Belle broke down, the pain she had tried to keep hidden, to keep under wraps exploding out of her as she shouted back:
“Do you think you’re the only one who’s suffering right now? Huh? Don’t you think I feel that way, too? Did you know how USELESS I felt as she was falling, how I was frozen in fright, how my magic wouldn't work, how I couldn’t do anything but watch as she dropped down to her death?! HOW DO YOU THINK THAT FELT? NOW, I’M TRYING TO COMFORT YOU, MAYBE MAKE ME FEEL A BIT BETTER, BUT ALL YOU’VE DONE IS ADDED TO MY PAIN. I THOUGHT YOU COULD HELP ME WITH THIS, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I SEE? I SEE A PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR A FILLY, SOMEPONY WHO DOESN’T CARE ABOUT HER FRIENDS! DO YOU THINK THIS IS WHAT APPLE BLOOM WOULD HAVE WANTED?”
At the mention of the name, the pegasus froze for a moment, as still as a rock as her thoughts once again returned to that fateful day, the event that led to all of this.
And then there was fur, white fur. Sweetie Belle had trapped Scootaloo in a hug, the orange filly attempting with all her might to break free, but with every squirm she could feel her strength waning, her body giving in to the warmth she so desperately needed, tears renewed as she ended her struggle and returned the hug. Streams of liquid sadness dripped to the ground, nopony breaking the embrace as each struggled to console the other.
“S-Sweetie Belle, I’m s-sorry. I d-didn’t mean t–”
“Shh, it’s okay, S-Scootaloo, I’m sorry for yelling at you, too.”
That soothing voice had never ceased to calm anypony down, but the burden in Scootaloo’s heart was too large to bear, too painful to think about.
“It should have been me. Apple B-Bloom is d-dead because of me! I should have been the one in th–”
“Stop it, Scootaloo.” Sweetie Belle pushed her pegasus companion back and stared directly into her watery eyes. “There was no way you c-could have prevented that, so don’t g-go blaming yourself for it! There was no way anypony c-could have known.”
Those eyes. Scootaloo felt a wave of shame crash onto her as she looked upon Sweetie Belle’s eyes, even more watery than her own. The stains on her muzzle, the matted fur… Sweetie Belle had gone through the same ordeal she had, and only when she noticed this did she finally accept the truth: she really did need someone there, someone to comfort her, someone to tell her that it wasn’t her fault – even though she believed it was.
“If I hadn’t f-flown, she would still be here!” The orange pegasus could not stop her voice from cracking, her mind once again torturing her heart with images of that poor Apple Bloom.
“And if you hadn’t done that, you wouldn’t have gotten your c-cutie mark.” Sweetie Belle hugged the pegasus closely, her hooves wrapped firmly around the filly, both of them ignoring everything around them. “Some things, you just can’t control, Scootaloo. And besides…”
Sweetie placed one of her hooves on Scootaloo’s forehead as she continued.
“Apple Bloom will always be with us, in here…”
She dragged her hoof down to the pegasus’s chest.
“And in here. As long as we never forget her, she will live on.”
For the first time that day, Scootaloo could feel her heart lifting, the burden she carried slowly dissipating from the warmth and the care.
“I know, b-but I still miss her!”
“We all do, Scoots…
We all do.”
And with one last hug, they cried their hearts out, but a new feeling washed over them, one filled with as much warmth and relief as the embrace they were in. Time passed, birds flew, ponies returned to their homes, but it all mattered not for the two fillies, neither wanting to let the other go, not when it felt so safe and so warm.
“Don’t worry, Scoots. We’ll make it through this like we always do…
Together.”