We just don't know what went wrong
âWhat is she doing there for so long?â Berry Punch sighed, sitting on the ground. She rested herself against an apple tree and took a hip flask from the inner pocket of her catsuit.
âDonât worry, Dash has everything covered,â Vinyl said, watching the house through the binoculars. All the windows were dark and there was nopony in sight; not even the slightest hint of anyone's presence.
âYeah, rightâŠâ Berry Punch took a sip from the flask and winced. âIâd rather not be here if she gets caught. Ten more minutes and Iâm leaving.â
âThink of the cider!â Vinyl exclaimed.
âYeah, Iâm thinking about it all the time. Along with the pissed off mare who will use our bodies as fertilizer if she catches us.â
âNo way, sheâs a good pony and Dash is her friendâŠâ Vinyl sat near Berry Punch, levitated a cigarette she was keeping behind her ear and lit it up with her magic.
âFuck!â Berry exclaimed when the blue halo temporarily blinded her, âCan you stop playing with your horn? Theyâll see us and weâll end up with a load of buckshot in our flanksâŠâ
âIâm not playing with my horn. Mommy said that one can get blind from that,â Vinyl deadpanned. She exhaled the smoke and looked around to make sure nopony was coming.
Berry covered her face with her hooves. âAt least remember to take the butt with yourself. You know, this fancy DNA thingyâŠâ
âDonât worry." Vinyl smirked. "Theyâll think it was ScootalooâŠâ
âWhat? Scootaloo smokes?â
They almost screamed, hearing a voice behind their backs. Vinylâs cigarette slid from her magic grasp, burning a hole in her catsuit. They spun to see Rainbow Dash hovering behind them with a guilty expression.
âWell, she smoked,â Vinyl said when her heartbeat slowed down to the normal rate. âI saw her smoking behind my house last week.â
âI gotta have a serious talk with herâŠâ Rainbow Dash muttered.
âNot necessarily. She got sick.â Vinyl smirked.
âHow sick?â Rainbow Dash asked, her face slightly pale.
âHoo, boy⊠Just like me when I drink too much champagne. Really, last time I did that, I spent half of the night embracing aââ
Berry Punch cleared her throat. âGirls, arenât you forgetting something?â
Rainbow Dashâs mind immediately drifted off of Scootaloo, Vinyl, and their digestive problems. âI have the key,â she said.
âGreat! Now itâs time for the next point of the planâŠâ
âSo, here it is,â Vinyl said, lifting the curtain. âPlease excuse the crudity of this model as I didn't have time to build it to scale or paint it.â
They were sitting around the ping pong table in Vinylâs basement, a small room cluttered with turntables, speakers and various other equipment. The maquette of Sweet Apple Acres, built of cardboard, safety matches, and bottle caps was occupying most of the table. It was very detailed, complete with action figures of Applejack, Big Macintosh, Apple Bloom and Granny Smith placed around the orchard.
âOkay,â Rainbow Dash pointed at the certain place in the fence. âThe gate is closed at night, but thereâs a small hole here, so you two can get through it. Then weâll have to go to the houseââ
âWhy?â Berry Punch asked, âAt night the whole family will be at homeâŠâ She took the action figures of Apple family and placed them in the cardboard hutt in the middle of the maquette.
âThatâs the problem. Applejack keeps the key to the barn in her room.â
âSo, why bother with the key?â Vinyl asked, âI know one spellââ
âYour âone spellâ will wake up everypony in ten miles radius! Weâll go to the house, youâll stay on guard and Iâll fly up to her window and take the key.â
As she was speaking, Vinyl levitated another three action figures and put them in appropriate positions on the model.
Berry Punch raised her eyebrows before furrowing them. âOkay, Vinyl I can get that youâre vain enough to have an action figure of yourself⊠But of us? Thatâs getting creepyâŠâ
âTheyâre custom, I made them when I was preparing this,â Vinyl replied, blushing.
Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. When they turned back to her, she continued, âOkay, so Iâll take the key and weâll go hereâŠâ She moved the action figures to one of the barns. âThen weâll open it to getââ
ââ cider?â asked Berry Punch with hope in her voice.
âNo. In that barn thereâs a key to another barn." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Applejack thinks itâs very clever, but I know exactly where itâs hidden.â
âRight, so then weâll have the key to the barn with the key to the barn with the cider?â Vinyl asked.
âExactly. Then weâll go to that barn and take exactly six barrels of cider.â
âWhy six?â Berry asked. âLetâs go va banque!â
âSorry, Berry, but youâre not a criminal mastermind.â Rainbow Dash shook her head. âWe know from our tests that Vinyl can levitate four barrels at once and we can take one barrel each. Also, itâs easier to share six barrels between three ponies.â
âYou know what? When it comes to stealing cider, you sound like Twilight Sparkle,â Berry said.
âYeahâŠ" Rainbow smiled sheepishly. "Also, Applejack will never notice that six barrels went missing. At least I hope so.â
Somepony knocked at the basementâs door.
âNot now, Tavi!â Vinyl shouted, âIâm busy making secret plans!â
âVinyl, you spent most of the last week building a doll-scale replica of Sweet Apple Acres, so your secret plans either involve stealing the cider or turning everypony in town into dolls so they can be friends with you forever! Open the bloody door!â
âLuna dammitâŠâ Berry muttered. âSheâll tell everypony.â
âI brought snacks for you and your friends!â Octavia bellowed.
Vinyl immediately opened the door. Octavia came down the stairs and sighed, seeing the model on the table. âJust in case,â she said, âI have money to bail only one of you.â
âGood.â Vinyl smiled and turned to her partners in crime. âDo you have money too?â
âWho said that Iâm going to bail you?â Octavia smirked, putting the tray on the only free piece of the table. Vinylâs ears drooped. Even moreso when Octavia spoke again.
âBy the way, I was looking for my bow and I found an action figure of me next to your Playmare stash. You do realise how creepy is that?â
âGreat, Iâm not alone.â Berry chuckled.
âOh, Tavi⊠You know how much I love youâŠâ Vinyl smiled sheepishly, trying to embrace Octavia, who dodged her with ease.
âThisâll never happen,â she said. âWeâre just roommates. Nopony can drink enough cider to fall in love with you, Scratch.â With these words, she turned around and went upstairs.
âStill in the friendzone, huh?â Berry chirped, poking Vinyl.
âItâs just temporary problems,â said the DJ, staring at Octaviaâs flank as she was walking up the stairs.
Berry followed her gaze. âYou have a problem, girl,â she deadpanned. âItâs called sexual harrassment.â
âOh, shut up!â
Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. They both looked at her.
âSo,â the pegasus said, as if nopony interrupted them, âWhen we get out with the ciderâŠâ
âWhy is this suit so tight?â Berry muttered when they were walking through the orchard, looking for the barn.
âItâs not the suit, itâs your flank,â Vinyl explained calmly, earning a nasty glare from the earth mare. She looked upwards to see Rainbow Dash flying above them and watching the road with the binoculars.
âWeâre close,â Rainbow Dash said.
âItâs all too easy,â Berry murmured. âI think it might be a trapâŠâ
âHey, getting that key wasnât easy!â Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
âYeah, why did it take you so long?â Vinyl asked.
Silent like a morning breeze, Rainbow Dash landed on the sill and opened the window. She stepped inside, carefully choosing the boards on which she put her hooves. Last time she had visited Applejack, she checked exactly which of them creaked, and now all she had to do was to avoid them.
They were planning this for ages. Since Big Macintosh accidentally told Berry that Applejack kept a large stash of cider in one of her barns, she wanted to put her hooves on it. This, however, required careful planning and competent partners. Rainbow Dash could provide both, with her great knowledge of Sweet Apple Acres and Apple Familyâs habits. After a while, they decided that theyâd need an unicorn to carry the barrels for them and, since Twilight and Rarity were out of the question, they decided to ask Vinyl Scratch for help.
Applejack was sleeping in her bed, the chain with a key hanging from her neck. Rainbow Dash looked at her and smiled. She made a few steps towards the bed and carefully reached her hoof.
Applejack muttered something incoherently, turning away from her. Rainbow Dash cursed under her breath.
âUmm⊠DashieâŠâ Applejack moaned.
Rainbow Dash froze, eyes wide in horror. For a moment she stopped breathing, hoping in vain to slow her heartbeat too.
âDashie⊠Your wings⊠so strongâŠâ
Rainbow Dash blushed. Applejack turned in her bed again, the key inches from the pegasusâ hoof.
âCome to me⊠Kiss meâŠâ
*Pomf!*
âStupid wings, weâre heterosexual, remember?â Rainbow Dash scolded, âMaybe next time, Jackie, now I have toâŠâ She quickly reached the key and unchained it.
âI want to marry you, DashieâŠâ Applejack whispered in her sleep.
âUmm⊠maybe tomorrow, ok?â Rainbow Dash whispered, backpedalling. For a moment she felt bad about what she was going to do, but then she thought about the cider.
âStay with meâŠâ She reached Rainbow Dash with her foreleg and for a moment their hooves connected.
There was something in Applejackâs groggy voice that made Rainbow Dash think about the consequences of her actions. If Applejack found out that her cider disappeared, sheâd be sad. If sheâd be sad, sheâd look for somepony to comfort her. And sheâd never suspect a friend whoâd come to offer her tea and sympathy during the hard times, right?
Rainbow Dash liked that idea.
She quickly spun, and suddenly one of her hooves landed on the creaking board. The ominous sound echoed through the farmhouse with the volume of an incoming herd of dragons during their mating season. Rainbow Dash felt her catsuit getting wet from sweat, she closed her eyes and tucked her wings to the sides, trying to be as small as possible.
Applejack only snored. After painfully long few seconds Dash sighed with relief and jumped out of the window.
âSo, here we are!â Rainbow Dash landed in front of them and pointed at the building in front of them, âThe barn number one!â
She went to the gate and took the key from her catsuit. She put it in the hole and turned it, then pushed the door.
âStrange,â she muttered, âTheyâre open, but something blocks them from the insideâŠâ
âDid you try to pull them?â
âUnfortunately, Vinyl, only your door swings both ways, if you catch my drift,â Rainbow Dash replied.
âWhat?" Vinyl raised her eyebrows. "No, you need to push it. I know, I live there.â
âWell, apparently you donât.â
âWeâre screwed,â Berry Punch deadpanned, giving the door a poke.
âNot exactly.â Vinyl pointed upwards. âThereâs a small window there.â
Rainbow Dash flew to the window, examining it.
âItâs too small for meâŠâ she said.
âHey, maybe itâs time for Ms. Friendzoned Skinny Plot to show off?â Berry Punch stared at Vinyl, grinning maliciously.
âWhat? Never, Iâm scared of heights! Why donât we take you instead?â
âKeep calm, VinylâŠâ Rainbow Dash muttered, carrying the DJ in her hooves. Vinyl was shivering slightly, her eyes closed and her forelegs wrapped tightly around the pegasusâ neck.
âW-why d-donât we t-take Berry?â
âBecause, as she put it, âyouâre a bag of bones with a 100 Watt light bulb attached to the forehead and she has huge earth pony flanksâ. Relax, itâs only a few more inchesâŠâ
âSaid the Royal Guard to the Princess!â Berry exclaimed, as loud as she could while still whispering. Rainbow Dash made an attempt to facehoof and Vinyl slipped from her hooves, catching her tail with her teeth at the last moment. Dash hissed in pain, but suddenly felt that Vinyl stopped shivering. She looked down and found the cause.
âIf you donât stop staring at my flank, youâre gonna land down there with the trace of my horseshoe imprinted on your faceâŠâ she muttered through the gritted teeth. Vinyl immediately turned her gaze away. She murmured something illegible, nothing unusual for somepony holding other ponyâs tail in her mouth.
âShe said that she was only admiring your cutie mark, and if The Great Old Ones didnât want us to stare at each otherâs flanks, theyâd put our cutie marks somewhere else. That, or you sat on something gross, not sure,â Berry said.
Rainbow Dash only sighed and flapped her wings harder.
Finally, the DJ stood on the sill. Trying not to look down, she crept on a timber supporting the roof. Rainbow Dash landed next to Berry Punch, waiting for the unicorn to open the door.
âMaybe we underestimate her,â she said, âSo far, sheâs stealthy like a ninjaâŠâ
*Thud!*
âThat sounded like a unicorn hitting the ground, donât you think?â Berry asked. "Followed by a stray cat."
More weird sounds followed: someponyâs screams, muffled shouts, hoofsteps, and the sound of magical beams being fired.
âSo much for being stealthyâŠ" Dash said. "Weâd better run.â
Just when they were going to flee, the door to the barn opened and Vinyl stood in them. She had a black eye, and her catsuit was torn in few places.
âCome here, girls.â She panted. âWe have a problem.â
Rainbow Dash gulped, seeing that barnâs interior was full of spiders and even several fruit-bats hanging from the ceiling. The only source of light was Vinylâs magic, at the moment pinning two ponies to the walls.
âApple Bloom?â Rainbow Dash exclaimed, âWhat are youâ ah, I seeâŠâ she said, taking a look at the other pony, a light blue colt with a dark blue mane. She wasnât sure, but his name was probably Shady Daze.
âWe need to kill them,â Vinyl said. âThey know too much.â
âYeah, because Applejack totally wonât suspect anything if her sister disappears,â Berry Punch deadpanned. She took a look around the barn and noticed some blankets and pillows in one of its corners, surrounded by candles, an empty bottle of cider, and the remains of two apple pies.
âItâs not what it looks like!â Apple Bloom shouted.
âYeah, rightâŠâ Berry smirked. âListen kid, I was in your age too. Letâs make a deal: we havenât seen you here and you havenât seen us here, okay?â
âOkay.â
âVinyl, release them.â
Vinyl reluctantly followed the order. Rainbow Dash went to the stack of hay and started to search through it.
âHey!â Apple Bloom shouted, âItâs not the part of the deal!â
Rainbow Dash sighed. âListen, Apple Bloom, why donât you say goodbye to your new friend and go home? We have something to do here.â
âThe key isnât there!â
âWhat?â Rainbow Dash ran to the filly. âWhere is it?â
âUmm⊠Ah may or may not know thatâŠâ Apple Bloom smiled innocently.
Vinyl stepped forward making an expression that, in darkness, could be mistaken for a professional smile. âHow much?â she asked, searching through her pockets.
âTwenty bits.â
âUmm⊠Eighteen?â
âTwenty.â Apple Bloom looked directly into the DJâs eyes. Nopony could withstand that stare for long.
âI only have fifteenâŠâ said Vinyl, almost crying. âGirls, do you have something?â
Rainbow Dash shook her head. Berry looked through her pockets, accidentally tearing her catsuit, but finally found a large, golden coin. âI only have fifty bits.â
âFifty will do,â Apple Bloom smirked.
âWhat?" Vinyl exclaimed. "You wanted twenty, you little, ungratefulââ
âOr Ahâll go to ApplejackâŠâ
âFine.â Berry sighed and gave the coin to Apple Bloom.
âAnd fifteen for him,â the filly pointed at Shady Daze, who was still sitting in the corner with a frown. âFor aggravated damages.â
Berry muttered something under her breath, offending probably not only Apple Bloomâs late parents, but also Granny Smith, Pinkie Pie and several other of her relatives.
âWhat aggravated damages?â Vinyl groaned. âHe bucked me in the face!â
âYou wish, baby,â Shady Daze smirked. Vinyl frowned and told him, sparing no details, where he could stick her fifteen bits, but finally levitated the money to him.
âYouâd better spend it on some protection,â she said. âApplejack probably wouldnât be pleased of another audacious brat like you running aroundâŠâ
âYeah, listen to her, kids,â Berry Punch laughed. âHer parents didnât use condoms and look what happenedâŠâ
Vinyl sent her a glare expressing pure contempt.
Rainbow Dash, unfazed, turned to Apple Bloom. âSo, whereâs the key?â
âOh, Ah gave it to Lyra Heartstrings.â
âWHAT?â
âShe paid me one hundred bits and promised to borrow a book from the adult section of the Twilightâs library for me.â Apple Bloom smiled.
âWhat book?â Vinyl asked. Rainbow Dash didnât hear the reply, too busy slamming her hoof against her forehead and refraining herself from using words no filly should know.
âIf Ah were yâall, Ahâd hurry,â said Apple Bloom, barely containing laughter. âLyra and Bon Bon are probably on their way to the cider.â
Rainbow Dash perked up, her pupils shrunk to pinpricks. Berry and Vinyl looked at her, understanding each other without words.
âCome on, girls! Theyâre stealing our cider!â the pegasus shouted. They darted forward, running out of the barn.
Apple Bloom sighed and turned to Shady Daze, wrapping her hoof around him. âSo, where did we stop?â she asked, smiling at him.
âNo respect for the older poniesâŠâ Vinyl panted, galloping through the orchard. âThatâs simplyââ
âRarity would say âegregiousâ,â Rainbow Dash prompted. She was trying to fly and look at her companions simultaneously, which almost resulted with a crash.
âThatâs simply egregious. Outrageous even⊠Kids these days, they only think about money.â
âCapitalism,â Berry concluded. âAdapt or die.â
âReally, that fillyâs cutie mark should be a fat pony wearing a cylinder, sucking the proletariatâs bloodâŠâ
âVinyl, are you high?â Berry glared at the DJ, who was still rambling. âI hope she chokes on apples some dayâŠâ
âHey, itâs my friendâs sister weâre talking about!" Rainbow Dash shouted. An obnoxious little brat, but still, itâs almost a family...â
They approached the barn slowly and saw that the door were open.
âNow careful, poniesâŠâ she whispered, creeping to the building. They heard excited voices from the inside.
âAvanti!â Vinyl shouted, darting forward. She entered the barn and soon they heard punches and the sound of barrels smashing on the floor.
âLet me guess, we need to help her?â Rainbow Dash asked, watching the scene with disbelief. They trotted to the barn and stopped upon seeing what was happening inside.
Several barrels were smashed, changing the ground into the cider-smelling mud. Bon Bon was hiding behind another barrel, watching in horror as Vinyl and Lyra were fighting in the middle of the barn. A golden magic bolt hit another barrel, obliterating it. Lyra watched it, stunned, before Vinyl tackled her, only to be thrown on the opposite wall with the green unicornâs magic. She slowly got up and charged back at Lyra.
âDo you think we should go there?â Berry Punch asked.
âWell, my loyalty says âyesâ, but my wings say to stay here and enjoy the show⊠How about you?â
âMy common sense says that going between two unicorns canât end well.â
The fight reached the deadlock â Vinyl managed to catch Lyraâs mane, making her unable to aim her horn at her and punched her repeatedly with the other hoof, but meanwhile Lyra was strangling her, kicking and screaming.
Berry Punch took a hip flask from the sorry remains of her catsuit. âWant some?â
âYeah.â
For a moment they were drinking in silence, not counting occasional shouts of the fighting mares.
âHmm, maybe we should ask Bon Bon if she wants to drink with us?â
âYeah, Iâll go to her.â A magic bolt flew next to Rainbow Dashâs face. âOr maybe not.â
Berry nodded. âLooks like Vinylâs enjoying itâŠâ
âYouâd scream like that too if someone tried that on you⊠Besides, Bon Bon is lucky, having such a skilled marefriend.â Rainbow tilted her head, smirking.
âReally, we should intervene. They may hurt each other.â
âDonât think so. Theyâre tired, itâll end soon.â
âOuch!" Berry winced. "Really, unicorns shouldnât head-butt anypony. Also, are limbs supposed to bend that way?â
âEeyup. That was close. Really, we should go there before somepony loses eye.â
They slowly got up and trotted inside the barn.
The Sun rose above Sweet Apple Acres. On the top of the hill, three ponies stood, watching the orchard and a barn in the distance.
âSeems that thereâs a fight there,â Applejack said. âAh told ya, Apple Bloom, ya shouldnât be so greedy. One group at a time.â
âHey, Ah got one hundred bits from Lyra and fifty from Berry Punch. And another hundred from Thunderlane. Andââ
âOk, enough. Big Mac?â
âTime Turner gave me thirty bits for the key to that barn. But he plans to go there tomorrow.â
âLetâs hope thereâll be something left for him,â Applejack turned to Apple Bloom, âIs it the end of that âCutie Mark Crusaders - Cider Makersâ thing?â
âYeah, sis. But if they taste it, theyâll find out that Sweetie made itâŠâ
âAnd what will they do? Ask for their money back?â Applejack smirked.
âThereâs one thing that Iâm ponder about,â Big Macintosh said. âWhat were you doing in the barn at night, Apple Bloom?â
âUmm⊠waiting for somepony to break into it to take the key of course!â
âYeah⊠Say hello to Shady Daze from me,â Applejack said, âand invite him for a dinner. Ahâm sure Granny will be pleased to meet himâŠâ
Apple Bloomâs face suddenly became of the same colour as her mane.
âAhâm very good at pretending that Ahâm asleep, yâall know,â Applejack smirked. âEven Dash didnât suspect anything, though Ah had a little conversation with herâŠâ
From the barn came the sound resembling a cider barrel smashing against someponyâs head.
âAhâd better go and scare them off before they destroy the barnâŠâ Applejack said, rising slowly and taking her lasso.
âI wonât tell that I havenât seen that coming,â Octavia said, giving a bag of ice to Vinyl, who put it on her forehead.
They all were in the living room of Vinyl and Octaviaâs place. Vinyl and Lyra, the former with a bandaged head and the latter with an eyepatch and with foreleg in a sling, were sitting on the couch, glaring at each other angrily. Bon Bon, her mane disheveled and her tail burnt by a spell, kept apologizing to Berry Punch who was keeping a napkin over her bleeding nose. Rainbow Dash was mostly intact, except of few scratches and a bite mark on her wing. She wasnât sure, but it was probably courtesy of Vinyl and her sudden attack of panic when they joined the brawl.
âSo, I guess your secret plans failed miserably?â Octavia asked.
âYeah, kick the dog, Tavi, and pour the salt in my wounds...â Vinyl muttered.
âOh, Vinny,â Octavia smiled and kissed the poor DJâs cheek, âYouâll always be my little puppyâŠâ
âCan you two get yourself a room or something?â Berry groaned. âI donât wanna nosebleed and vomit at the same time!â
Octavia stared at her, ready to say something snarky with her Trottingham accent, but then somepony knocked at the door. The cellist went to open it.
âHowdy,â they heard from the hall. Suddenly, all the unresolved conflicts were forgotten; Vinyl and Lyra hid together under the couch, Rainbow Dash flew through the window to the garden, and Berry locked herself in the closet with Bon Bon.
âIâm glad that you brought cider for them,â said Octavia to Applejack when they entered the living room.
âYeah, Ah think they learned the lesson, but still Ah feel a bit bad after thatâŠâ said Applejack, âBut where are they?â
âOh, I guess theyâre not far awayâŠâ Octavia opened the closet and dodged two ponies rolling out of it. "Hmm, I don't know about Berry, but sitting in the closet is not your thing, Bonnie..."
âHi girls,â Applejack said. âDo you want some cider?â
âErr⊠You know that I always wanted to know how it is to be sober?â Berry Punch asked.
âYeah, you should try it, itâs totally awesome,â Bon Bon replied quickly.
âI think itâs overrated!â Lyra shouted from her concealment.
âYouâre overratedâŠâ Vinyl muttered, âOuch!â
Applejack looked in confusion at the couch which was now jumping on the floor. Several sparks of blue and golden magic burned holes in the upholstery.
âYou know?â Octavia asked. âLetâs go to the kitchen. I think I really need a drinkâŠâ