Twilight Totally Titillates The Treasury
"Well, perhaps we should just get right into all of it," Fancy Pants remarked, leaning back in his chair and smirking yet again.
"Perhaps," Twilight replied, looking right back at him as her eyes again migrated around the huge conference room. Like basically everything in Canterlot Castle, the style and appeal of the expensive-looking furniture, from the dark brown wooden bookshelves filled with expertly written socio-economic works to the golden animal statues atop the long tables besides the big windows and more, struck the alicorn. She took in a little breath as she moved her eyes over at the smartly dressed stallion directly across from her at the main table. "Might as well." For whatever reason, only three other members of the 'Board of Directors of the Federal Equestrian Reserve' had showed up to 'this Open Market Committee' meeting.
"If you're alright with it, Miss Sparkle," he commented, and he shifted over to the right with his swishing mane and chiseled features seeming as superb as ever. He pushed his body a little bit away from the huge table. "What about you, Mister Marks?"
"Sure," Dazzling Marks, the assistant chief of staff for Princess Luna and a close confidant of hers, responded. Both stallions turned about a bit to look at the only pegasus at the table.
"It's fine," Fire Force remarked, waving idly before looking over the small folder before her. Each board member had one.
Gosh, Fancy, were you gazing into my sides with those handsome eyes of yours before? Twilight tried not to look right back, instead taking in the pretty scene of bluebirds milling about outside of the window. She still, however, could somehow sense the stallion's attraction for her fluffy wings and elegant mane. It's just gotten worse and worse over these past few weeks. I'm tempted to just throw myself upon the table and moan, "Take me, right here!" She forced herself to take a deep breath and thumb back through her notes.
Federal Equestrian Reserve Quantitative Easing Report Session
{Executive Summary}
The policy study group recommends a full adoption of Fancy Pants' micro-economic stimulus package, also known as the 'Beige Book Plan', of accelerated purchases of collateralized debt obligations centered around the beleaguered housing markets of Hoofington, Canterlot, Manehatten, and Coltsville. In short, the study group believes that continued pressure on localized stock markets show a progressive decline in the 'animal spirits' of those areas when summaries of recorded housing starts are evaluated, as shown by the detailed regression statistics. As well, we shall argued that:
Twilight stopped reading. "I wonder how deeply Applejack's eyes would have glazed over just reading just a few of those phrases," she whispered, "and Pinkie Pie as well... not to mention Fluttershy... she'd apologize for asking for help even."
"Miss Sparkle?"
She snapped to full attention and looked right back at the handsome stallion before her. "Yes, please go ahead." Gosh, I so love the cadence of his words when he says 'Miss Sparkle'. It's almost like when I was a little filly watching those up-for-too-long TV ads about the 'Stallions Sensual Speaking' erotic phone line. The building sensations over the past weeks ate at her like some kind of constant tingling at the back of her neck.
"Right, well," Fancy replied, and he slipped his hooves along his notes before him, "I must be frank."
"Sure," Force commented, the mare's bright orange mare sliding against her shoulders as she spoke.
"I can't believe that you all are doubting my package," Fancy declared, leaning forwards.
"Not really 'doubting'," Twilight replied. Did he have to emphasize that last word of his sentence? "It's more like--"
"If you just look down, you can see the power and strength of my package."
Twilight slipped the page of notes before her through her hooves. "Yes, my eyes have scanned through, and I just--"
"I think if you really opened yourself up, Miss Sparkle, then you'd appreciate how appealing my package really is."
"I know that you've showed a lot of ponies your package."
"Indeed," Fancy said, smiling from cheek to cheek.
"But I just have some, well, niggling worries about the degree of stimulus that I'll see from your package."
"Oh, my, really?"
"I can't believe that the stimulus package would be this sustained."
"You doubt my package?"
"Not really, but.."
"Miss Twilight, I assure you, once I'm able to thrust my package in, we'll find that's its longer and more sustained than anypony had imaged."
"When I look down here," Twilight replied, "I just plain wonder how stimulated we'll be. Maybe it'll be quick and soft, compared to what I would ideally--"
"Expertly stimulated," Fancy commented, "actually, I might even say I expect things to be 'beyond your wildest dreams, stimulated'."
"I know that you've planned out your stimulus package with many ponies."
"Yes, indeed," he replied, bringing a hoof to his cheeks and rubbing up and down, "those mares downstairs in this very Castle doing 'policy study' work are dutiful in their service to please me."
"But I'm not convinced, personally."
"Why, Miss Sparkle?"
"I know that you've spoken a lot about the relative size of your package," Twilight said, taking a gulp and trying to keep her voice professional, "and I understand that its size is impressive compared to what it will be entering. Yet I still don't quite understand the confidence you have in the length of the stimulation. Other ponies that I've asked, outside of the word of the mares downstairs, have looked through your claims and instead evaluated that it will be like a temporary 'sugar high'. Quick, powerful, and compelling but with not much of an after affect, then?"
Fancy smiled even more somehow, flipping over his big black hair to the left. "I think if you close your eyes, take a deep breath, and let the worries go away, then you'll realize that while my package may not be perfect, in the short run it will do the job and more. Even your skeptics agreed that there would be a strong and forceful stimulus, no?"
"Well, I... and..." Twilight commented, feeling her sweat oozing off of her fur onto the table, "What about inflation, Fancy Pants?"
"Oh, I'm totally expecting a perfectly fine degree of inflation."
"No inflation worries?" she squeaked out, sweat now pooling under her.
"I know that we'll be able to have a long, worthwhile level of inflation," he remarked, "with maximum satisfaction as my package finally penetrates completely through."
"Through the local economies," Twilight murmured, anxiously rubbing her bottom hooves against each other. "Economies." Keep it together, girl! She brushed another hoof up and down against the paper notes on the table.
"Do you have another answer?" Fancy declared. "Just look down, right down at what you have before you, and go with your gut instinct. My stimulus package will be deeply sustained and deeply powerful, as multiple other mares that have taken a look have responded, and I know that you'll feel the same way."
"M-maybe--"
Fancy picked himself out of the table and leaned against it, gazing straight at the overcome alicorn before him. "Can you really say 'no' to my package?"
*Bang!*
"Meeting's over!"
The words of Rainbow Dash, bursting through the door for a split-second and then flipping back into the adjacent hallway with her trademark speed, seemed like a slap across the faces of every single economic adviser in the group. Awkward glances went all around. Silently, they all gathered their notes and stepped out.
"Oh," Twilight suddenly exclaimed, shutting the door on Fancy Pants, "you're not bucking going anywhere." She slammed his body against the side of the table, her wings fully erect.
"Gods and Goddesses," he moaned back, holding his hooves up, "I love this job!"
The End