A Ferengi ship kidnaps Spike and the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They clearly don't know who they're dealing with.
A pair of Ferengi merchants and part-time slave traders (any time they think they can get away with it) decide to pick up some people from the newly discovered world of Equestria - a world without local space travel. For variety, they decide to pick out one of each of the major groupings - a pegasus, and earth pony, a unicorn. For ease of control, they pick out juveniles.
Once upon a time, the Federation paid a visit to Equestria. The story of that visit - and some of its consequences - is detailed over here.
Partway through the tale (in chapter 15, to be exact) a Ferengi ship passing through space meets another ship. There were meta-narrative reasons for this, reasons why the author thought it would be necessary.
These reasons were promptly proven incorrect.
This, therefore, is the story of what would have happened, had the Ferengi ship not met anyone else on their way through space. It follows on directly from chapter 14 (Further Communication) of Equestria's First Warp Drive; I strongly recommend that you read the first fourteen chapters of that story first, and then return here.
“Hey,” said Applebloom, “ya heard what Applejack said. She's too angry.”
“She's probably angry with me!” said Sweetie, despairingly. “She prob'ly thinks it's uncouth to be kidnapped or something!”
“Um, well... she is coming to help rescue us?” said Applebloom, tentatively reaching out one hoof to Sweetie Belle.
“An' then she's prob'ly gonna ground me forever for being uncouth!” despaired Sweetie, collapsing dramatically onto the floor. “How'm I ever gonna do anything if I'm grounded for life? I'll never be a famous fashion designer if that happens!”
“Uhhhh...” said Applebloom, hesitantly. She looked over at Scootaloo, and poked the pegasus with one hoof.
“Dash is coming!” volunteered Scootaloo, cheerily.
Applebloom frowned at Scootaloo. “Yeah.” she said, drily. “Ah know that.” She pointed at Sweetie Belle and tried to indicate, via a complex series of gestures, that she needed supportive friends right now.
“No,” said Scootaloo, “that's Sweetie Belle. That's not Dash.”
Applebloom rolled her eyes, and trotted back to Sweetie Belle. “Ah'm sure she's not really angry at ya.” she said.
“You don't know my sister like I do!” sobbed Sweetie Belle. “I'm what she always gets angriest at, 'specially if I get lost an' she has to come and find me!”
“I, uh...”
“I once met a mare,” volunteered Red Dawn, “who had lost her foal in a busy market. She was rushing around frantically, worried beyond belief(1). She asked everypony if they'd seen the foal. It was only once she'd found her foal that her worry turned to anger(2). And, though she shouted, most of her anger was not directed at the foal; most was directed at herself, for having let the foal out of her sight.”
Sweetie looked up at Dawn, wondering what the point was.
Dawn knelt down next to Sweetie, and looked her in the eye. “When a parent,” she said, “or an older sister, or any other caregiver, gets angry when someone gets lost, do you know why? It's because she's thinking what would happen if I never found my little sister? And it's because the answer to that question is something that's too scary to think about. Little unicorn, I do not – not for one minute – believe that your sister feels anything but the greatest of love for you. She's not angry at you – she's angry at the Ferengi. And I would not like to be them when she finds them.”
There was a long moment of silence. Then Sweetie Belle reached out her forelegs, and grabbed Dawn in a hug.
“Thank you.” she said. “Thank you so much.”
Dawn licked her lips(3). “I'm just glad to have helped.” she said.
Spike knocked on the door from outside. “Uh, guys? I don't want to interrupt, but do any of you have any idea what we're supposed to do now?”
* * *
Frem's pocket played a jaunty little tune. He reached into it, and pulled out a small, rectangular device. He tapped it, just once.
“Frem?” Pog's voice sounded from the device. “Did you get that last alien?”
“I, um, I shot him three times?”
“Hmmm. A bit wasteful, but you're paying for the shots. Where did you put it?”
“It's immune to stuns!”
“...oh. Oh, dear. So, you set the phaser rifle to kill, right?”
There was a long silence.
“Oh, come now!” said Pog, exasperated. “If he's immune to stun, then he's likely at least partially immune to kill! It's just a matter of turning the power up and shooting until he goes down!”
“He breathed fire at me!” objected Frem.
“Well, tell me at least that you haven't lost sight of him.” groaned Pog.
“Um... last I saw him, he was outside my room.” said Frem, nervously. “I, um, I thought I could go and get those focusing crystals re-aligned...”
“Listen, Frem,” said Pog after a brief moment's silence, “I want you to go back there, right this minute, and deal with that dragon, or I will charge you the full repairs of any and every thing it wrecks or damages. You got that?”
Frem gulped, nervously. “Got that.” he whimpered.
“Right.” said Pog. “Then let me tell you how we're going to at least try to take the thing alive...”
* * *
“Well, unless we can find a way to get through that door, Flam and I are stuck here.” said Dawn. “But I don't think the same is true for the three of you.”
She leapt up onto the bed and bucked a ventilation grill. Then she turned about and stuck her head into the air duct, both to see what was in there, and to take the smashed grill out. “It's too small for a full-grown pony,” she said, “but it looks like a little filly will be just about able to fit through there. Now, I want the three of you to be very, very careful, okay? Remember that the Ferengi can't fit into the air ducts either, so as long as you stay in there, you'll always have an escape route.”
“We'll be careful!” said Scootaloo, hopping onto Dawn's back and from there, into the duct.
“We promise!” lied Sweetie Belle, as she followed. Something to do was just what she needed.
“Yeah!” added Applebloom, rounding out the group.
“Now wait just a minute!” said Dawn.
Three little filly's heads crowded the space the grill had been removed from. “Yes?” they asked.
“We need to talk about what you're going to do.” said Dawn. “You need to start off by finding Spike and rendezvousing with him.”
“What's rendezvous?” asked Scootaloo.
“Meet.” said Sweetie Belle.
“He's small enough to fit in the ducting with you.” Dawn said. “And then you need to see if you can find some way to stop this starship from going anywhere so your sisters can catch up, okay?”
There was silence for a few moments while the Crusaders considered this, then Scootaloo said “Yeah! Cutie Mark Crusaders Starship Saboteurs are on the job!”
“Y'all can consider this here starship thoroughly stopped!” said Applebloom.
“Just be careful,” warned Dawn, “there's probably fans in there that could cut you up. Watch where you're going, okay?”
She waited a few minutes for them to leave, before green fire wrapped around her. Her buffalo form vanished, replaced by the shape of a young alicorn filly(4), no bigger than the Crusaders.
With a buzz of her wings, she flew up into the air duct and started heading in the direction opposite to the Crusaders.
The Ferengi weren't going to recapture her, if she could possibly help it.
(1) Delicious. Not as healthy or nutritious as love, but sweet and useful for a sudden rush of energy (though it can be unpleasant when it wears off).
(2) Savoury, with hints of cinnamon.
(3) Gratitude is both delicious and filling, though quite difficult to find a good long-term source of.
(4) She couldn't decide whether access to magic or flight would be more useful, so she went for both.
Pog glanced at the various bridge readouts. There were no other ships around within sensor range, and the ship's internal sensors couldn't pick up the locations of any lifeforms with any particular accuracy – not surprising, given that the hull materials had been at least partially chosen for their ability to mask lifesigns and smuggle a whole brig full of slaves past even fairly sophisticated scanning equipment.
Hurrying back and forth between two consoles, he quickly sealed off the bridge (all the better to ensure that no pesky prisoners bothered to bother him) and began to prepare the transporters.
* * *
*CLANG!*
The grating shook as something hit it, hard, from the inside. It dented, but it held.
*CLANG!*
*CLANG!*
On the third kick, the grating finally flew from the wall, the latches that had held it in place finally giving way and snapping. A pair of small yellow hooves drew themselves back into the gap, and after a moment, a small yellow filly's head appeared in its place.
“So?” asked Sweetie Belle, from further in the duct.
“Ah dunno.” said Applebloom. “It looks like someone's room. There's a door, but Ah can't see if it'll open or not.”
“Well, go and see!” called out Scootaloo, from further in. “I'm sick and tired of this air duct!”
“Ah dunno if Ah'd be able ta get back in here.” said Applebloom. “It's quite a bit down...”
“Oh, come on!” objected Scootaloo. “This air duct is horrible! Anywhere would be better than being stuck in here!”
“Yeah,” said Applebloom, “but at least here, we got a way ta move on. If we can't get back in here, we might not be able ta get outta that room. An' then we'd be stuck. Ah say we go on ta the next one, an' try there first.”
There was some muttering from inside the tunnel, and then Scootaloo's voice said “I vote that as soon as we get a place with a bit more space, we make Applebloom go in front.”
“Yeah,” agreed Applebloom, “that would probably be better.”
* * *
The Ferengi ship contained a grand total of eight forcefield-shielded cells, in a short corridor that ended in a dead end on one side and a turbolift on the other. The original inhabitants of each cell, as was the case on leaving Equestria, were as follows:
On the left, as one steps out of the turbolift, the first cell contained a manticore. On the right, the first cell contained a changeling. On the left, the second cell contained a very stubborn timberwolf. On the right, the second cell contained four ponies (three fillies and Flam) and a baby dragon. On the left, the third cell contained a snow leopard(1). On the right, the third cell contained a pheonix. On the left, the fourth cell held a cragodile. And finally, on the right, the fourth cell held a very nervous cockatrice(2).
The forcefields that had guarded the first and second cells on the right were no longer functional. Pog had to conclude that one of the prisoners had done something to those particular cells. And whoever had broken out of the cells had been intelligent enough to either wait for what seemed a good time, or realise that it was possible after some time spent thinking about it; either way, it didn't seem like the sort of thing a wild animal would do. Or perhaps, for some reason, they were unable to escape until then...
But why break out the insect-pony? Possibly the ponies had some sort of personal attachment to it. But Pog hadn't spotted any of them in the cities while he was walking around there, and it wasn't mentioned in the book on Equestrian Wildlife he'd got from the Flim Flam brothers... moreover, this particular specimen had been picked up quite some distance away from both Ponyville and Canterlot(3). So it was unlikely that any of the prisoners were personally associated with the insect-pony; and if it were intelligent enough to work out how to escape, it would presumably have done so in the week they'd held it before kidnapping the ponies.
So it was logical to conclude that the insect-pony had some ability or abilities that would have been helpful to the escapees. Probably including some means of damaging forcefields. Perhaps the ponies had been spending those three days carefully training the insect-thing to use its abilities on command, and then getting it to get first itself and then them out...
...which would mean that, with any luck, the dragon would be unable to escape on its own.
Presumably, the other wildlife was not as easily tameable. Fortunately, there were other lockable rooms on board the ship... some of which could be locked from the bridge...
* * *
An air vent rested in the wall. Some force took hold of the screws holding it in, and turned them, one by one. The vent fell to the ground with a clatter, revealing what appeared to be a small white blank flank alicorn filly.
Red Dawn flew down to ground level, and walked out towards the door. Since it was not locked, it opened immediately. She grinned and stepped out, her escape now securely in her chitinous hooves; within ten minutes, no-one would be able to associate her in any way with a certain escaping buffalo identity...
“Hello. Who are you?”
She'd forgotten about the little dragon, still waiting outside Frem's room.
“Um, I'm...” think quick, there are only three genuine alicorns, everyone knows Celestia, everyone knows that Luna is dark, that only leaves... “Princess Cadence?”
Spike frowned. “Twilight's old foalsitter?” he asked. “No, you're not.”
He would be the only dragon in the world to be on first-name terms with the real thing, wouldn't he? Just my luck...
Dawn sighed. “No.” she admitted. “But I like to pretend. I'd be a pretty princess in a pretty castle and... um...” what do pony foals do? I bet it's not the same as changeling larvae... “um... play with my pretty pony dolls all day long?”
She grinned, putting every ounce of innocence and guile that she could find into that facial expression.
Spike looked sceptical. “And what are you doing here?” he asked.
“Oh!” said Dawn. Good, an easy one. I can even tell the truth – at least, part of the truth. “There was this thing, like a diamond dog but shaved, and he shot me with this dart thing, and then I was suddenly in here, and I had to crawl through the air ducts, and now I can't find the exit and I just want to go home and I miss my mommy!”
She burst into well-practiced tears.
Spike walked hesitantly towards her, and patted her gingerly on the head. “There, there.” he said, nervously. “I need to find the exit, too. I'm just waiting for some friends, and then we'll all look for the way back home together, okay?”
*sniff* “Okay.” whimpered Red Dawn. More than anything else, she found herself wishing for somewhere nice and unobserved, to switch to a less confining disguise; magic shouldn't be uncomfortable to wear, but this filly form was definitely several sizes too small...
* * *
*CLANG!*
*CLANG!*
*CLANG!*
Again, it was on the third clang that the grating flew from the wall.
“What's in this one?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Dunno.” said Applebloom. “Lotta chairs, some windows – hey it's the middle o' the night, Ah can see some stars out there.”
“Can we get out of this stupid air duct now?” asked Scootaloo, sounding more than a little annoyed.
“Sure, Ah don' see why not.” said Applebloom. “If we gotta go back, we can push one o' them chairs under the vent(4). C'mon, let's go rondey-voo Spike.” She hopped out, dropping to the floor with a solid thump.
“It's rendezvous with.” said Sweetie Belle, landing more quietly. “We're rendezvousing with Spike, not rendezvousing him.”
Applebloom gave Sweetie a suspicious glance. “Y'said it meant the same as 'meet'.” she said.
With a buzzing of tiny wings, Scootaloo lowered herself to ground level. “Oh, at last!” she said.
“Yes,” said Sweetie Belle, “it does. We're going to meet with Spike.”
“I'd just started getting a cramp in my left wing!” said Scootaloo.
“Do you girls have any idea how good it is to be able to stretch again?” asked Scootaloo. “That vent was way too tight!”
“Rendezvous isn't that sort of verb!” insisted Sweetie Belle. “It's, well, okay, technically it's a noun, taken from Fancy...”
“Ah could speak Fancy once.” pointed out Applebloom. “Ah bet Ah'd know how ta' rondey-voo Spike properly!”
* * *
“Thank you, Captain. That information will come in very useful later, I'm sure.” said Twilight. “But I think it's best if we stopped here.”
“Really?” asked Captain Anderson. He and Jorge had been taking alternating half-hour shifts reading to these mares from the publically accessible computer files for several hours now.
“Yes, really.” said Twilight. “I know I'm starting to find it harder to concentrate; and right now, it's more important that we keep this spell going than hear more about Klingon-Betazoid relations. And I'm the Element of Magic; I think some of my friends must be getting a bit tired.”
Behind the glow that filled her eyes, Twilight glanced surreptitiously at Rarity, on her left; and then at Dash, on her right. Both were staring at the rainbow trail outside the forward observation port with single-minded intensity, as if the combined intensity of their gazes could somehow shorten the length of that pathway.
“...or maybe not.” Twilight conceded.
She didn't notice, behind her, Fluttershy trying to conceal a tiny yawn.
(1) An Equestrian snow leopard is, of course, a leopard made entirely out of snow.
(2) A cragodile, consisting as it does entirely of rock, is immune to a cockatrice's stare; in fact, it is the major predator of cockatrices in the Everfree Forest. The cockatrice, having seen the cragodile in the opposite cell, had immediately taken every effort to hide from the fearsome predator; of all the creatures in the cells, it was the only one that had not yet discovered the forcefield in front of its cell.
(3) In the desert near Appaloosa.
(4) They couldn't, as it happens; the chairs in a Ferengi forward observation deck are bolted to the ground. The last thing one wants in a spaceship that's making sudden turns is loose furniture flying around.
“Yep.” said Dawn, nodding. “Mommy doesn't talk about me much. I don't think I'm actually supposed to mention it.”
“Who she's never mentioned to anyone?” continued Spike.
“Some ponies know.” said Dawn. She was hoping that the idea of scandal would justify the fact that Spike had never heard of her.
“Such as her faithful student.” said Spike, flatly.
“Um...” said Dawn, frantically trying to remember anything she might have heard about Celestia's student. Her horn glowed greenish, as she tried to pry the name from Spike's brain
“The one who only helped to save the world from Nightmare Moon and save her sister Luna.” clarified Spike.
“Oh, right!” said Dawn, remembering some vague rumours, and, more importantly, picking up a name from the forefront of Spike's thoughts. “Auntie Rarity!”
Spike fell over laughing.
It was at this point that Frem, peering around a corner, fired. The dart passed through where Spike's head had just been, hitting the wall behind him instead.
“Missed!” said Frem, frantically loading another dart.
Spike had no intention of taking this lying down; he got to his feet, roared, and let off a tiny blast of flame.
Frem let out a high-pitched scream and ducked behind the corner.
“You do know he'll just be back in a few minutes?” asked Dawn, as Spike ignored the fleeing Frem and went towards the dart on the floor.
“Yeah,” said Spike, “but right now I gotta stay here and wait for the Crusaders.”
* * *
“Is he still there?” whispered Sweetie Belle.
Applebloom peered carefully around the edge of the door, watching Frem peer with equal care around the corner.
“Eeyup.” she whispered. “Ah think he's trying ta shoot Spike.”
“We gotta do something!” whispered Scootaloo, urgently, hopping from one hoof to another. “Cutie Mark Crusader Dragon Rescuers!”
Applebloom reached into her mane, and pulled out a zap apple seed. “If Ah only had a bit o' soil ta work with...” she muttered.
“Hold on...” said Scootaloo. “He's only got two legs. So if you sneak up behind him, and buck him in the back of his knees, he'll fall right over!”
Applebloom peered around the corner, then looked back at Scootaloo. “Why me?” she asked.
“'Cos you're best at bucking.” said Scootaloo. “Also, you know martial arts.”
“Ah guess so...”
“Wouldn't that mean he'd fall on top of you?” whispered Sweetie Belle. “And besides, I don't think it's a good idea for us to attract his attention... is there any way we can get around him?”
“We could try ta go through the air vents again.” whispered Applebloom.
“No!” insisted Scootaloo – a touch too loudly.
* * *
“The dragon's picked up the dart(1)!” said Frem, into his communicator. “The dragon's picked up the -”
Spike vanished(2), and from somewhere behind Frem, a voice said, sharply, “No!”.
Frem spun around, dropping the dart pistol and fumbling to draw his stun rifle. There was no-one to be seen, but the door to the forward observation lounge not far away was open -
There! A head poked around the corner, and Frem fired at it reflexively. He backed away from the corner, and then remembered the alicorn filly he'd seen next to the dragon.
Frem turned to the side, as Dawn's horn began to glow. His stun rifle also glowed, and jerked in his hands; Frem pulled the trigger, and a stun bolt flew down the corridor, narrowly missing Dawn but breaking her concentration.
Regaining control of his rifle, Frem fired a few more shots at Dawn; she took to the air, and fired several green bolts of her own from her horn.
Frem, being a bigger target, unable to fly, between two forces, and with poor aim, screamed and ran for it.
* * *
“What's happening around there?” asked Sweetie.
“Ah'm not lookin'.” said Applebloom. “Last time Ah poked ma head round the corner, Ah almost got it shot off!”
“I'll look.” whispered Scootaloo.
“No!” said Applebloom. “He knows we're here now, we gotta get back in the air vent!”
“I'm not going back in there!” insisted Scootaloo. “It's too tight!”
“Look!” said Sweetie Belle, pointing at the door, as Frem ran past pursued by bolts of green energy. “Somepony's chasing him away!”
“Somepony's come to rescue us!” cheered Scootaloo. “It's Dash, right? I bet it's Dash, she's the fastest pegasus ever, so she'd get here first!”
“...it's an alicorn filly.” said Applebloom, as Dawn flew past the door. “Hey! Miss alicorn! We're over heeeeeere!”
Dawn backwinged to a stop, turning to look at the Crusaders. “Hi.” she said.
“Have you seen our friend Spike?” asked Sweetie Belle. “He's a baby dragon -”
“They shot some sort of dart at him.” said Dawn. “He picked it up and disintegrated. Now, if you'll excuse me...”
She picked up speed, and continued to chase after Frem.
“Coooooool.” said Scootaloo.
“Hey, maybe she knows where the exit is!” suggested Applebloom.
“Yeah!” said Sweetie Belle. “Let's follow her an' ask!”
(1) It contained a small transmitter, allowing the onboard transporters to pick up whoever it was attached to, despite the shielded hull.
(2) To reappear in Cargo Bay Four (which was specially shielded for the transport of materials that are radioactive, particularly illegal, or suspected of carrying a hidden subspace radio to call for help with). Pog considered that since he'd tried to escape, he could deal with any residual radioactivity, and so could anyone who wanted to buy him.
Princess Celestia was not the only alicorn who had occasional tea with the Admiral; though in Luna's case, the Admiral had to stay up late(1).
“AND HOW FAR AWAY DIDST THOU SAY THOU WERE?”
“Several hundred lightyears.” said the Admiral, quietly turning down the volume on his speakers.
“AND THIS DEVICE TRANSMITS THY IMAGE TO ME?”
“Exactly, yes.” nodded the Admiral.
“PERHAPS THE DISTANCE IS WHY IT APPEARS SO BLOCKY, THEN.” suggested Luna.
“Um... blocky?”
“INDEED! THY IMAGE IS MADE OF TINY BLOCKS OF COLOUR!”
“...ah. That's a limit of the technology; we make the blocks so small that we can't tell them apart individually. They're called pixels, and if you can see them so easily, you must have very good eyesight.”
“THINE EYES CANNOT RESOLVE OBJECTS AS LARGE AS THOSE PIXELS?” asked Luna, peering at the screen. “THEN 'TIS A GOOD THING YOU HAVE MET US, FOR THERE ARE MANY THINGS TOO SMALL FOR THEE TO SEE! TO BEGIN, THERE ARE SMALL CREATURES KNOWN AS 'GERMS', WHICH ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR MANY DISEASES...”
“We know what germs are.” said the Admiral. “We have invented devices that are able to magnify objects for us, so that we can see things that would otherwise be too small to see.”
“AH, HOW INGENIOUS!”
* * *
Cargo Bay Four, unlike the brig, had not originally been designed for the holding of prisoners, and had not been prepared beforehand for holding Spike. This had left it with certain flaws in its construction which an enterprising dragon could use to escape.
The cargo bay is not empty, despite Spike's escape. There are a few things left in it.
A dart lies in one corner, where it was flung in a fit of anger.
In the opposite corner rest two empty wooden crates, with a third balanced on top of them. One of the crates has a corner missing; apparently torn out by claw and tooth. The missing corner is not in the cell.
On top of the upper crate are three wingnuts and three bolts.
On the ground, near the crates, lies a grating. It bears a slight dent from when somedragon flung it into the floor.
Above the top crate is a hole. It is large enough that the grating would just cover it.
Inside the hole is an air duct. It is just big enough for a small dragon.
To the left of the hole, there are a few scratchmarks on the inside of the air duct, as if left by a set of claws strong enough to scratch a diamond.
(1) Due to the slight difference in the length of a day between Earth and Equestria, in about a month's time the Admiral would be having tea with Luna during his day and tea with Celestia during his night. Both alicorns found this a source of amusement.
(2) While dragons are not entirely immune to radioactivity, they are highly resistant. There was not enough radioactivity in the cargo bay to do any serious harm to Spike.
“Argh.” muttered Flam, as he slowly regained consciousness. “What – erk.”
Memory returned quickly, and Flam suddenly realised that the last thing he'd seen was a pair of very surprised Ferengi holding some sort of devices. He sat up, quickly, to try to see where he was.
Let's see, a room – a bit messy – with a bed, somepony's personal possessions scattered about... last I remember we were fleeing from some kidnapping aliens in a hovering cart propelled by an overexcited pegasus filly. Why am I here? What happened while I was out?
...I'm missing something important. Were we rescued?
Flam staggered to his hooves, and headed for the door. Which didn't open. He pushed it back and forth for a bit, to no avail, and then looked around the room again.
Well, there's the hovercart. There doesn't appear to be anyone in here with me, let's check that...
“Hello? Anyone there?”
…
No, no-one. Which implies that everyone left while I was out.
Why was I unconscious in any case?
Flam ran his forehooves gingerly over his head.
No lumps, no headache, I don't remember getting into any sort of sleeper hold – either someone wiped parts of my memory, or it happened almost instantly and painlessly.
...neither of those are really good options.
I've got to get out there.
The air vent's open, but there's no way I can fit in there...
Flam took a good look at the earprint scanner near the door, then took the flying leap of assuming that it was what was holding the door locked. He reached inside it with his telekinesis and started tearing it apart at random.
After a few moment there was a pop,and a smell of smoke, and the door opened.
* * *
The door slammed shut in front of Red Dawn, and she almost hit it horn-first. She muttered something under her breath.
“Ooooh.” said Sweetie Belle, from just behind her. “Rarity only uses that one when she's late on an order and her thread breaks.”
“What's it mean?” asked Scootaloo.
“I think it means 'I'm really cross'.” guessed Sweetie.
“Ain't that what all swear-words mean?” asked Applebloom.
“Would you three shut up?” snapped Red Dawn, angrily. “I swear, you three must be the most irritating fillies in Ponyville...”
“Well, ya do swear.” said Applebloom, smiling.
“Waaaait a minute.” said Sweetie Belle. “How did you know we were from Ponyville? We never said anything like that to you...”
“Yeah, we've hardly spoken at all.” said Scootaloo.
“Accent.” said Dawn, quickly. “Now shut -”
“Mah accent ain't the same as theirs.” pointed out Applebloom. “Yer lyin'.”
Dawn growled. “Shut. Up. And. Go. Away.” she snarled, her eyes flashing with green fire and her horn glowing.
“Uhhh... maaaaaaybe we should just go away?” suggested Sweetie Belle, backing away from the pseudo-alicorn.
“Maybe not.” said Scootaloo, her eyes narrowing and her wings spreading.
“Nopony spies on an Apple an' gets away with it!” declared Applebloom, stepping up to stand at Scootaloo's side.
* * *
“Pog?” said Frem, into the device in his hand, as he leaned against the now-locked door.
“You finally got the dragon?” asked Pog's voice.
“Yes, got him with a dart, he's in the cargo bay, but you know the other ponies you'd captured?”
There was a long silence.
“What did you do?” asked Pog.
“I didn't do anything!” said Frem. “They chased me right across the ship! I'm locked in the bathroom!”
Pog sighed. “You had a stun rifle and a dart pistol.” he said. “What did they have?”
“They had a new friend.” said Frem. “A fourth little filly. And it shot some sort of green phaser beams from its head at me!”
There was another long silence. When Pog next spoke, his voice was slightly muffled, as if he had his head in his hands.
“Don't lie to me, Frem.” he said.
“I'm not lying to you!” insisted Frem.
“Frem, listen. We didn't have any ponies on board before Equestria. We never landed on the planet. Everything went on and off the ship by transporter beam. We have filters in the beam, Frem. No lifeform can stow away on a transport initiated by this ship. I personally paid for those filters to be installed. The local civilisation is pre-warp. Non-starfaring. They have no orbital transport shuttles. They have no transporter beams. They have no teleportation. They have no cloaking devices, and no ship has even approached ours within range of out most delicate sensors since we left the planet. There is no fourth filly on this ship. Now try again, and tell me the truth this time.”
“Where did the buffalo come from, then?” asked Frem. “Maybe the new filly -”
“What buffalo?” asked Pog.
“Um, when you shot the unicorn in the cart, there was a buffalo next to him...” said Frem, nervously.
There was an even longer silence.
“When I figure out what is going on,” said Pog, “I will find a way to make whoever is responsible pay. And I'm almost certain that will be you. Now, get down to Engineering and get that engine fixed! We're going to miss an appointment with a very wealthy buyer while you hide in the bathroom!”
“But – the laser filly –” stammered Frem, nervously.
Bolts of green fire splashed against the floor around the three fillies as they galloped away from the apparent alicorn.
“I told you.” said Sweetie Belle, leading the retreat.
“Save y' – breath – running!” said Applebloom, in the middle of the group.
“If I had my scooter...” panted Scootaloo, in the rear.
Behind them, Red Dawn grinned. She'd hit them with a couple of slightly-painful-but-harmless bolts at the start, but now she was missing on purpose. It was always a delicate balance, feeding from ponies, but with a bit of care she could have a good meal in just a few minutes...
With another few bursts of harmless green light, she herded the Crusaders into a nearby room(1), and closed the door. Then green fire flared around her as she changed shape, back to the buffalo mare they'd met earlier. She counted slowly to ten, and then strolled towards the shut doorway.
“Hello?” she asked. “Did I hear something?”
There was a muffled squeak from inside the closet. Dawn opened it, and smiled at the Crusaders hiding inside.
“Dawn?” asked Sweetie, recognising the buffalo.
“Indeed I am.” she said. “Why are you hiding in here?”
“There was this alicorn filly...” Scootaloo said, peering out from behind a bucket. A moment later, Applebloom's head poked up from in the bucket.
Dawn made a point of looking both ways down the corridor. “No, no alicorn fillies around here.” she said.
The fillies relaxed and, in that moment, their earlier fear of the alicorn changed into delicious relief, tinged with gratitude, for the buffalo they saw in front of them.
Dawn smiled. Children's emotions were so easy to manipulate...
* * *
It had taken him several minutes, and a few close scares; but with the little laser-firing pony inexplicably no longer in sight when he left the bathroom, Frem had managed to work his way down to Engineering. He closed and sealed the door, and breathed a sigh of relief at the thought that no inexplicably appearing fillies could possibly get to him down here.
Unless... they're already waiting for you in here. whispered a treacherous part of his mind. Engineering, he could not help but notice, was full of places big enough for something filly-sized to hide. Or worse... something Spike-sized...
Frem took a deep breath, and raised the stun rifle. He stepped cautiously into engineering and began to nervously check every nook and cranny...
* * *
“There you are!” Flam called out, noticing a buffalo and three fillies ahead of him in the corridor.
Dawn looked up, and smiled; the smile of a changeling on the hunt(2).
“Here we are indeed.” said Dawn. “I am so glad to see you up and about again.”
“Indeed.” said Flam. “Why was I asleep, by the way?”
“Those Ferengi guys shot you with something!” said Scootaloo.
“Yeah, some sort of magic wand that fires sleep spells.” added Sweetie Belle.
“We had no idea how long you were going to be out.” said Dawn. “So, since we were locked in a room with a bed, we thought it best to leave you somewhere... comfortable.”
“Yeah, an' then we sneaked out though the air vents!” said Applebloom.
“All of you?” asked Flam, looking in surprise at Dawn. She didn't look small enough to fit in the vents, after all.
“Not Dawn.” said Scootaloo. “I don't know how she got out of the room, I mean, we barely fitted in the vents!”
Dawn looked down demurely. “A lady must have her secrets.” she said, firmly.
“Hey, d'ya feel that?” said Applebloom, suddenly, as the corridor began to vibrate. “Ah think they got this thing movin' again!”
“Hmmm...” said Flam. “And our little dragon doesn't appear to be around to mess with it this time. Tell me, do you think you can tell where the vibration's coming from? Perhaps we can permanently disable their engines, so that at least we don't drift any further from home.”
“Sure!” said Applebloom. “It's comin' from over that way!”
(1) A small closet filled with cleaning supplies
(2) That is to say, a warm, welcoming smile which hints that the smiler might very much enjoy going on a date with the smilee, and a distinct lack of sinister overtones. A changeling who can't get the smile right often goes hungry.
“Any sign of warp drive instability yet?” Pog's voice asked, emerging from the communicator resting on the console in Engineering.
“Nothing yet.” said Frem, double-checking behind the console for any prisoners on the loose. “There doesn't seem to be anyone in Engineering, and I've locked the doors, but perhaps I should stay here to make sure they don't -”
There was a *clang* from behind Frem. With a squeal of fear, he spun around to face the air vent's grating.
Which was on the floor.
Frem's gaze travelled up the wall, passing the hole where the grating was supposed to be, and then a little further, meeting the gaze of the baby dragon crawling upside-down on the roof.
“What's going on there?” asked Pog's voice.
Frem grabbed for the communicator, holding it up to his face. “They're in the air vents!” he squealed. “They're in the air vents!”
“Stun them!” said Pog.
Frem grabbed for the weapons at his belt, pulling out not the stun rifle, but rather the dart gun. In his panic, he fumbled slightly, almost dropping the weapon...
...and Spike's tongue shot out, covering the metre-and-a-half distance between them and wrapping itself about the dart gun. Frem screamed and would have backed away, were the Engineering console not in his way, as Spike pulled the dart gun into his mouth; and then turned aside and spat, dropping it to the ground.
Spike turned to face Frem again, and grinned very widely, making sure to show all his teeth. He let loose a little puff of flame.
Frem screamed again, and ran for the door; he unlocked it with his earprint and fled the room.
Spike watched the Ferengi leave, and dropped to the ground. “Scaredy-cat.” he said, quietly. He gave the dart gun a wide berth – he had no intention of being teleported somewhere else yet again – and went to look instead at the console that Frem had been standing at. “I wonder what he was so busy with...”
Of course, he had to climb up onto the console before he could see what was going on there.
“Frem?” asked Pog's voice, from the communicator still on the console (incidentally causing Spike to fall off the console again in surprise). “Are you still there? What's going on?”
Spike clambered back atop the console, looking over the strange box. Some kind of voice transmitter, perhaps?
“Frem?” asked Pog's voice. “Is everything alright? Are the engines stable?”
“Hey,” said Spike, to the box, “I don't think we've been properly introduced. My name's Spike, and I'll be standing right behind you when you least expect it.”
“Oh, destitution!” said the box. Then it sighed. “Did you kill him, or are you holding him for ransom?” it asked.
* * *
Frem's panicked retreat screeched to a halt when he suddenly found himself facing a unicorn stallion, three fillies, and what appeared to be a buffalo, coming the other way. He screamed, again, and grabbed his stun rifle, pointing it in the general direction of the ponies and firing.
Flam's horn glowed, and the stun rifle was pulled to the side, the stun beam splashing harmlessly against the wall.
“Get back, girls!” called out Red Dawn, pointing at the nearest corner. “Stay out of sight!”
With a glance over his shoulder for the terrible beast that he was certain, even now, was still pursuing him, Frem tried to pull the stun rifle back to pointing at the ponies. He fired a few more shots; and when one passed just over Applebloom's head, the three Crusaders decided that discretion was the better part of not getting recaptured and followed Dawn's command.
Dawn waited until the fillies were out of sight before interfering in Flam and Frem's long-ranged tug-of-war, by leaping at Flam from the side, tackling him into the corridor wall. A touch of changeling magic helped to ensure that Flam fell asleep, for a few minutes at least.
Then green flames burst around Dawn, as she dropped her buffalo disguise.
Frem screamed again, firing several panicked, shaky bolts down the corridor. Dawn fired just one stun bolt back. The difference was, Dawn's single bolt hit; Frem collapsed like a puppet whose strings had been cut.
Dawn bent down, touching her horn to Flam's head, and performing a little memory magic; just slightly fogging his memories of the last few minutes. Then she trotted over to Frem, and touched her horn to his head as well; she was pretty sure she couldn't reliably edit Ferengi memories, so she just deleted the last several minutes' worth.
Another bolt of magic, this one on a timer, ensured that Flam would wake up after a few seconds; and then green fire wrapped around Dawn again, as she recreated her buffalo disguise and trotted back to Flam's side.
“What happened?” asked Flam, when his senses returned.
“You were brilliant.” said Dawn, giving him a peck on the cheek. “You knocked him out with just one shot!”
“I did?” asked Flam.
“Oh, yes.” nodded Dawn. “Even though I was pushing you aside from his of his shots at the same time, you nonetheless managed to hit! You saved me!” She fluttered her eyelashes at him. “My hero!”
There was a retching sound from a little down the corridor. Dawn glanced to the right, where Scootaloo was pretending to throw up.
“I think it's really sweet and romantic.” said Sweetie Belle.
“Ah think it's nowhere near as bad as that love poison.” stated Applebloom, confidently.
How long have those three been back? Dawn asked herself, suddenly worried. How much did they SEE?
“Did you kill him, or are you holding him for ransom?” asked Pog's voice, from the little box next to Spike.
“Um...” said Spike, trying to think of something scary to say. “I... killed him. Yeah. And then... and then I bought him back to life! As a zommmmmmbie pony! And a ghost! A ghost zommmmmmmmbie pony!”
There was a long moment of silence, and then the little box next to Spike went *click*.
Wary of further surprises, Spike jumped back from the box and stared at it from some distance away.
* * *
“Only Frem could possibly have lost to a creature so shockingly juvenile.” mumbled Pog, on the bridge. He got up, and double-checked the charge on his stun rifle.
Then he took out a small badge, and attached it to the front of his shirt. He took a deep breath, and quoted the sixty-second Rule of Acquisition. “The riskier the road, the greater the profit.”
He cleared his throat. “Computer.” he said. “Lock on to this badge's signal, and use it to monitor my lifesigns. If I am rendered unconscious, or if I say the word 'exit', beam me back to the bridge immediately.”
“Acknowledged.” said the computer.
“Excellent. Now... close off the air vents. All of them.”
* * *
A spaceship is a thin shell around a little bubble of air, to keep its passengers safe. If the air gets out, then everyone on board dies.
For safety reasons, therefore, every ship that travels in space has an arrangement that allows any individual section of the ship to be shut off from all the others; so that a leak only evacuates the air from a small part of the ship, and not the whole thing.
This is usually done by means of bulkhead doors in the corridors and air vents.
In the case of fillies and/or dragons in the air vents, this system can also serve to cut off that escape route, and force them to use the corridors like everypony else in order to travel from A to B.
* * *
Spike's standoff with the communicator was interrupted when the door to Engineering slid open.
“Spike!” yelled Applebloom.
“You're okay!” cheered Sweetie Belle.
“Yeah!” agreed Scootaloo, rushing forward.
“Careful!” warned Spike. He pointed at the communicator. “That thing... that thing just went 'click'. I'm worried it might explode or something.”
“No worries.” said Flam, stepping up behind the Crusaders. “I've got this stuff all worked out.” He stepped forward, and his horn glowed as he reached inside the communicator and tore it apart. “I've got absolutely no idea how it works,” he admitted, “but I know how to make it stop working.”
“How do you make that one stop working?” asked Dawn, pointing up at the warp core. Matter and antimatter swirled around, in strange patterns.
“Like this.” said Flam, firmly. He reached with his magic into the warp core, and pushed around at random.
This only had the effect of mixing the fuel slightly better.
“Um.” said Flam, after about half a minute. “I... this doesn't seem to be working. I actually have no idea how to make that stop.”
“Aw, never y'mind.” said Applebloom. “We're the Cutie Mark Crusaders! We break stuff alla the time!”
“Yeah,” nodded Scootaloo, “an' this looks expensive, so I bet we can smash it up really quickly!”
The three fillies each took a deep breath.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS STARSHIP SABOTEURS, YAY!”
“I think we should start by pushing all the buttons!” suggested Sweetie Belle, hopping up onto the nearest console and suiting action to word.
“Maybe we oughta buck all these metal things over.” added Applebloom.
“I've got this really cool idea,” opined Scootaloo, “but we'd need a bit of rope to try it... okay, a lot of rope...”
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” asked Flam, nervously.
“You two go make kissy-faces in the corridor.” said Sweetie Belle firmly, pointing to the door. “Leave this in the hooves of professionals.”
“Yeah, we've broken things that were supposed to be unbreakable!” added Scootaloo. “Hey, d'you think our special talent might be in breaking things?”
“If that were it,” said Applebloom, “Ah think we'd've got it by now.”
“But maybe it's specifically in breaking starships.” suggested Sweetie Belle. “After all, we've never broken a starship before.”
Flam stepped back and turned to Dawn. “Do you think that little dragon might be able to talk some sense into them?” he asked, quietly.
“I doubt it.” Dawn whispered back. “He ran for it back when they shouted about being starship saboteurs.”
“Ah.” nodded Flam. Then something struck him. “Wait a minute. The dragon – the one who can survive molten lava – ran away from this?”
There was a moment of silence as Dawn thought this over. “Perhaps we would be safer in the corridor.” she suggested.
Pog peered cautiously around a corner, stun rifle at hand. Seeing nothing, he ran for the turbolift and pressed the call button.
He bounced up and down on his heels, nervously looking around as he waited. The turbolift beeped, and he hurried into it, hitting the button for a lower deck.
He suddenly realised he'd forgotten to check that the lift was empty before getting into it, and glanced around fearfully. Fortunately, the lift was empty, and he breathed a brief sigh of relief.
There was another beep as the turbolift arrived at its destination. Pog peered carefully out of the turbolift, looking both ways. He saw no-one.
“Fuel intermix ratio altered. Warp drive thermal efficiency increased by 20%. Warp drive top speed reduced by 5%.”
Pog jumped at the sound of the computer's voice, almost hitting his head on the ceiling. “Computer, where was that change made from?” he asked, once he had his breath back.
Concentrating on the computer's reply, he ignored the rapidly approaching tapping noise, as might be caused by claws on a metallic floor.
“Fuel intermix ratio change was authorised from Engineering Console Four.” replied the computer, promptly.
“So the prisoners are in Engineering.” concluded Pog. The computer made no reply to this conclusion.
The tapping noise stopped with a screeeeeeeeech. That caught Pog's attention, and he looked towards it.
A very surprised Spike looked back, having just come around the nearest corner.
The red alert klaxon began to sound. “Warp core fuel intermix ratio unstable.” said the computer. “Warp core detonation in one hundred seconds.”
* * *
Scootaloo tilted her head to one side, considering Applebloom. “Not bad,” she said, “not bad at all. I liked the bit in the middle where you kicked three levers at once, and making all the red lights go on at the end was pretty good, too I think... ehhhh... eight out of ten.”
“That's pretty good!” said Applebloom.
“Meh.” said Sweetie Belle. “I liked the lights, but this beeping that came with it isn't very nice. I say six out of ten.”
“Hmmm. Okay.” said Applebloom, hopping off the control panel. “Your turn to dance on the controls, then, Sweetie.”
“I hope I can turn off the beeping.” said Sweetie Belle, hopping up to the control panel and preparing to dance on the impromptu stage. “It's really not very musical, is it?”
“It's probably some sorta alien music.” volunteered Scootaloo. “It's got a sortof a beat to it, anyhow. You could dance to it if you wanted.”
* * *
Spike roared, and charged.
With the flick of a dial, Pog set his stun rifle to 'kill'. He aimed, and fired. Fortunately for Spike, a moving target is very hard to hit; and a small moving target even more so. Pog's first shot missed; and where it hit, the floor exploded, leaving a crater.
Spike's eyes widened at the explosion, and he sped up. Pog didn't have a chance to fire another shot before Spike got close enough; his tongue whipped out and wrapped around the stun rifle. He tried to grab it from Pog; but unlike Frem, Pog had a good grip on his weapon, and he managed to keep hold of it.
Which only meant that, instead of dragging the weapon to Spike, Spike dragged himself to the weapon. He grabbed the barrel with both hands, hanging from it; Pog swung the weapon down, so it would point at Spike; and Spike breathed fire at the stun rifle.
The unexpected burst of heat caused Pog to drop both the stun rifle and Spike. “Exit!” he called out. “Exit! Computer, exit!”
“Transporter locking on.” replied the computer.
And Pog vanished from sight.
“These guys all scaredy-cats.” said Spike, firmly. He looked over the weapon he'd obtained, and quickly found that it was possible to open it. Interestingly, there was some sort of crystal inside; Spike wasn't sure what sort of weapon included a snack, but he was definitely feeling a bit peckish, so he ate the stun rifle's focusing crystal.
It was a bit bland.
* * *
“Warp core detonation in thirty seconds.”
* * *
Back on the bridge, Pog frantically paged through the controls, trying to fix the fuel intermix problem “Destitute warp core...” he muttered. “Where's Frem anyway, he knows what these things should be set at... what on earth is going on down there in Engineering, are they just hitting buttons at random?”
* * *
“Warp core detonation in twenty seconds.”
* * *
“What on earth is a warp core detonation in any case?” asked Red Dawn.
“I haven't the foggiest idea.” said Flam. “But a 'detonation' is an explosion, so it's probably for the best that we don't stand too close to any warped cores, whatever that is...”
At their hooves, Frem stirred. Dawn kicked the Ferengi in the back of the head, until she stopped feeling active worry from him.
* * *
“Warp core detonation in ten seconds.”
* * *
Sweetie Belle danced over the controls, flicking levers and pushing buttons at random. She tripped over the edge of a cover over one button, flicking the cover open in the process.
“Oooooh.” she said, looking at the revealed switch.
“What is it? What is it?”
“I dunno, but it's big and red and I'm pressing it!” said Sweetie Belle, hitting the button with both front hooves.
* * *
“Warp core ejected.”
* * *
“What was that?” asked Flam, as the entire ship shuddered.
“Probably that bent core thingy exploding.” suggested Dawn.
The lights flickered out, and after about half a second a second, dimmer set of lights came on.
“Could be.” said Flam, dubiously. “Looks like whatever it was messed with their lights, though.
* * *
“Hey! Where'd the big sparkly column thing go?” asked Scootaloo, pointing at where the warp core suddenly wasn't.
“Aw, no fair! Ah was gonna suggest we smash a hole in it after we were done dancin' on the controls!” groused Applebloom.(1) “Now how're we gonna break the engine even more?”
“I guess we could smash the screens?” suggested Sweetie Belle.
“Nah, that's prob'ly jus' for display of information.” said Applebloom. “We need ta figure out where the actual engine is an' smash that.”
* * *
Pog sat in his chair on the bridge (the more ornate of the two, naturally) and stared with horror at the screens. “No warp core.” he muttered. “No warp core means no engine. No power to run life support and lights for more than about a week. I've got a scaly fire-breathing monster on board my ship that may or may not have already eaten Frem, at least four other sentient prisoners wandering around and some sort of buffalo commando or something who probably rescued them. And a bug-thing which is probably hiding in some dark corner somewhere.”
“I am going to make such a loss on this trip. Especially if I have to hire a towing company...”
(1) Considering that the warp core contains a sustained matter/antimatter reaction, if Applebloom had managed to break through the outer casing and damage the magnetic containment system, there wouldn't've been a ship left afterwards.
“Computer.” said Pog. “Turn lights off, everywhere except the bridge. Turn off all non-essential systems, with the exception of communication.”
“Complying.” said the computer.
“Send out a general distress call.”
“Sending.” said the computer.
“Let me know if anyone repl-”
“You have a reply.” said the computer.
Pog grinned, briefly. “That was quick. Maybe my luck's turning around. On screen.”
There was a beep, and a human face appeared on the main screen.
Pog almost grinned. While humans might be pirates, he'd found that they were vulnerable to their own courts; if he made a contract with a human, he had far better odds of coming out the other end with the remains of his ship than he would have had he contracted with a fellow Ferengi merchant. (Admittedly, without a warp core it wasn't worth much more than scrap; but if he could somehow make it look like it was the human's fault that he didn't have a warp core, perhaps he could sue the human for a replacement anyway...)
“You called for help?” asked the human.
“Why, yes.” said Pog, working hard to keep a suitably contrite and not-at-all scheming expression on his face. “I have... most unfortunately... run into a little spot of engine trouble. If you could give me a tow back to the nearest inhabited planet, I'd be most grateful.”
“I've heard about Ferengi gratitude.” said the human, frowning. “Let's put it in the most straightforward way possible; you power down any weapons you've got, stay in your ship, and I'll give you a tow to the next inhabited planet I stop at... for one hundred bars of gold-pressed latinum.”
“Do I look like a rich Ferengi?” asked Pog. “I'll offer fifty.”
“I'd be willing to take part of the payment in goods.” said the human. “Your ship's got to be worth a few bars, at least.”
“Pirate!” accused Pog. “Would you truly take advantage of a poor Ferengi's state in such a cold-blooded manner!”
The human raised an eyebrow. “I could always just go away and come back later.” he said. “Perhaps you'd be more willing to accept a reasonable offer then?”
“Your offer,” said Pog, “is unreasonable to the point of ridicule. One hundred bars of gold-pressed latinum for a short tow?”
“Supply and demand.” said the human, calmly. “I have the only supply, and since you're stuck out here, you must have a lot of demand. Besides, you're not far from Orion; and you know as well as I do that anyone from there will charge you everything, up to the clothes on your back.”
There was a long silence. “Very well.” said Pog, eventually. “Seventy-five bars.”
“Ninety.” said the human. “And that's my final offer.”
“Why, you -” began Pog.
On his screen, he saw the human reaching for the 'end call' button.”
“Wait-wait-wait! Ninety bars is fine!” called out Pog, quickly.
“Excellent.” said the human. “Pleasure doing business with you. Might I ask your name, by the way?”
“Oh, I'm... Frem.” said Pog. It was ever so much easier to slip out of a contract if the wrong name was attached to it, after all.
“Well, then, Frem, my name is Captain Anderson. And I can reach you in just a few days.”
* * *
Back on a certain Federation trade ship, Captain Anderson pushed the control that terminated the call. He turned to the other person on the bridge; someone who'd stayed carefully out of sight of the camera pickup while the call was going on.
“Well,” said Anderson, “what do you think of that?”
“'Frem' was the name of kidnappers.” said Flim. “Could that have been them?”
“Very likely.” said Captain Anderson. “He's a Ferengi, he's in almost exactly the right place... would you like to take the news to the ladies in the front observation lounge?”
“I rather think I would.” said Flim, grinning. “Though it does seem terribly convenient that the ship we're chasing should develop sudden engine trouble...”
* * *
“Y'all ain't all that familiar with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Ah take it.” said Applejack, when Flim raised the same concern a few moments later in the forward observation lounge. “Even when she's not tryin', Ah've known Applebloom alone t'be able to reduce a sturdy barn to rubble in... oh... about half an hour. All three t'gether, if they try ta be destructive...”
“Oh, my.” said Rarity, picturing it. “There isn't going to be a spaceship left by the time we get there, is there?”
“As long as they don't puncture the outer hull.” said Twilight. “There's no air in space; if they let the air out of the ship...”
There was a long moment of silence as all seven ponies considered this unwelcome prospect.
“Sugarcube?” said Applejack. “D'ya think y'could ask Celestia t'send another letter via Spike?”
* * *
Fifteen minutes later, Spike rushed along the corridor of the Ferengi ship, two rolls of parchment held in his mouth. He skidded past Flam kissing Dawn next to an unconscious Ferengi (and entirely failed to notice a subtle green glow around where Dawn's horn would be were she a unicorn) and ran straight to Engineering.
“STOP!” he yelled, running into the room and waving both arms.
“What?” asked Scootaloo, balancing on one foreleg on the main control panel.
“Why?” asked Applebloom. A little above her, Scootaloo buzzed her wings frantically, trying to keep her balance.
“'Cos if... apparently if you break something called the hull, it'll kill all of us.”
“WHAT?” asked Applebloom. Scootaloo, unable to hold her pose any longer, fell off the control panel and landed on the ground with a *thump*.
“That's what she said.” said Spike. “Scootaloo, do you have another loose feather? I need to write a reply back."
“What's a hull?” asked Scootaloo.
“The body of a ship.” said Sweetie Belle.
“You mean like the walls?” asked Applebloom.
“Yeah, she said all the air would leak out.” said Spike.
“What're you gonna use for ink?” asked Scootaloo, tugging at a few of the feathers in her wings.
“I'm... not sure.” admitted Spike. “I was thinking maybe I could get Flam to help conjure up something, but he seems kindof occupied at the moment...”
“Oh!” said Sweetie Belle. “Are they kissing? That's so romantic!”
Scootaloo, on the other hand, pretended to throw up again.
“Comeon, girls!” said Applebloom, enthusiastically. “We're on an alien spaceship, miles from home, and somepony needs ink! We're never gonna get an opportunity like this again!”
“Opportunity?” asked Sweetie Belle. “What do you -”
“Cutie Mark Crusader Ink Finders!” shouted Applebloom.
“Well, on the bright side,” said Twilight, “if they're not moving then it means we'd still catch up to them quite quickly, even if we let go of the warp bubble. We could relax a bit, catch up on our sleep.”
“That would be nice.” said Fluttershy, quietly.
There was a short silence. None of the girls moved out of position.
“Of course,” continued Twilight, “there could be just about anything there when we catch up to them. It'd almost certainly be best if we're well rested, and ready to react to whatever we find.”
There was another pause.
“And Flim would sure appreciate not having to bring us all our meals.” continued Twilight. “Not to mention bringing round that bucket...”
Fluttershy blushed. The bucket was just embarrassing.
But none of the ponies moved out of formation.
“I really would prefer to rescue our sisters as soon as possible, darling.” said Rarity, after a while. “Perhaps we should just keep this up for a few more minutes before we stop?”
“If we do stop the spell,” said Twilight, “there's no reason why we can't start it again, later.”
“I think we can keep this up a couple of hours still.” said Rainbow. “Maybe longer.”
“We should probably make a schedule.” said Twilight. “Five minutes off every now and then for bathroom breaks, eight hours off once a day to sleep, maybe fifteen minutes for meals...”
“I don't need fifteen minutes to eat a quick lunch.” said Rainbow Dash.
Rarity shuddered. “As much as I appreciate the sentiment, darling, it's really not very ladylike to bolt your food.”
Rainbow snorted derisively. As if manners mattered at a time like this!
* * *
“It's kind of dark out here.” said Sweetie Belle, looking down the unlit corridor.
“Yeah, without all those glowing screens...” agreed Applebloom.
“Oh, comeon.” said Scootaloo. “It's just a bit of darkness. Come on, let's go find that ink.”
“There could be anything out there.” said Sweetie Belle, nervously. “Aliens, maybe.”
There was a sudden burst of green light. All three fillies jumped, and turned around.
“What?” asked Spike. “Dragon, remember?” He blew out another puff of flame, lighting up the corridor for an instant.
“Can you keep that up?” asked Sweetie.
“Nah, I get out of breath.” said Spike. “Don't worry about the aliens, they're scaredy-cats. I can deal with them.” He puffed out his chest and strutted a bit.
“What about alicorns?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“What?” asked Spike, his strutting interrupted.
“There was an alicorn filly earlier.” said Sweetie. “I don't think she liked us much. She chased us into a broom closet.”
“I think I met her.” said Spike. “She seemed a bit confused.”
“Confused how?” asked Applebloom.
“She said she was Celestia's daughter,” said Spike, “but she thought that Rarity was Celestia's student. I don't know why she'd want to lie about that, but there's definitely something funny going on with her.”
There was a swishing sound from next to them. The Crusaders dived to hide behind Spike, who yelped and let out a tiny puff of flame... which allowed him to see that the sound had been a door opening as they walked past it.
“D'ya think there might be some ink in there?” asked Applebloom.
“With any luck,” said Spike, “there'll be a torch in there. Or maybe a bit of wood. Something that burns... I can light it, and then we can have some proper light...”
“Do these aliens even use torches?” asked Scootaloo. “I mean, they had those glowy panels in the roof...”
“Like firefly lanterns without the fireflies.” said Sweetie Belle.
“I could make a torch,” said Spike, “if we find some sticks and maybe a bit of tar.”
“Do aliens even have tar?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Now just a minute!” objected Applebloom. “We're being Cutie Mark Crusader Ink Finders, not Cutie Mark Crusader Tar Finders! We gotta concentrate on one thing at a time or we'll never get our cutie marks!”
“Maybe we could be Cutie Mark Crusader Stuff Finders?” suggested Sweetie Belle.
“Yeah, that might be a bit more useful than Ink Finders.” added Spike. “I mean, then you could find anything that somepony was looking for, not just ink.”
“Hmmm.” said Applebloom. “Ah guess that makes sense. Okay then... Cutie Mark Crusader Stuff Finders it is!”
“You're going to come help us look, right?” Sweetie Belle asked Spike. “It's just going to be a whole lot easier if we've got a bit of light...”
* * *
“So, we'll hold the spell up for the next three hours then,” said Twilight, “at which point we'll break for supper. We'll go to sleep – I'll set an alarm spell to wake us up after eight hours – and then we'll have breakfast and come back to pick up this spell again. Then we'll have a few bathroom breaks distributed throughout the day, fifteen minutes for lunch...”
“That's way too long.” opined Dash, again.
Rarity growled.
“Fifteen minutes for lunch.” said Twilight, firmly. “And then we'll keep going, again with an occasional bathroom break, until we stop for supper tomorrow. Repeat as necessary. Then we'll be far more alert when we catch up to those Ferengi, and better able to deal with anything they might try.”
“If they've harmed so much as one hair on Sweetie Belle's head...” muttered Rarity, darkly.
“We'll catch up to them in about three and a half days with this schedule.” said Twilight. “And of course we'll keep up the communication with Spike, so we'll know what's happening...”
The Cutie Mark Crusader Stuff Finders completely failed to find any ink. They did find a sheet, which, wrapped around the end of what had once been Pog's stun rifle, made an absolutely terrible torch (it melted instead of catching alight when Spike breathed fire on it). Fortunately, Flam and Dawn found them after a while – Flam's horn providing enough light to see by.
After a while, they woke up Frem and started interrogating him about where to find food. It turned out that the alien would answer just about any question as long as the ponies promised not to let Spike eat him. This condition came as rather a surprise to Spike, who hadn't even considered a carnivorous diet.
The fact that Flam was levitating Frem upside-down at the time may have had an effect, as well.
In the afternoon, they launched an assault on the bridge; Flam's telekinesis took care of the locked doors, Red Dawn seemed to have some way of exactly locating Pog even when he was entirely hidden from sight (under the table in the ready room); and, like Frem, he seemed absolutely terrified of Spike.
Unlike Frem, Pog teleported away instead of surrendering. It didn't help much. Even through the ship's shielded hull, Dawn could feel his terror, and could guide them in the right direction.
That night, the Crusaders slept in one of the rooms, chosen at random; Spike rode Dawn all over the ship, chasing after an increasingly nervous Pog, until a fortunately-timed yawn from Spike, showing all his teeth, persuaded Pog to surrender. Flam stood watch, alternating with Dawn after Pog's capture.
It wasn't long from then until they had the Ferengi turn the replicators on again; when the Crusaders woke up on the second day, they had a basic but plentiful breakfast and a promise that the Ferengi wouldn't bother them anymore.
The replicators had also been turned to the task of making ink; a letter had been sent back to Celestia, keeping her informed of their circumstances.
Flam seemed to get a headache anytime he tried to talk about where the Ferengi were; and all Dawn would say about the matter was “locked up”.
And in one of the holds on the lower deck, two Changeling cocoons hung from the ceiling; each holding a single Ferengi in suspended animation.
Spike slept almost until lunch time; he and the Crusaders explored the ship after lunch, starting only two fires in the process.
Spike's correspondence with Celestia was continued throughout the day. The Princess gave regular reports on how close their sisters were.
The third day, the Crusaders were bored. There was no more ship to explore, except behind a few locked doors (one of them hiding two Changeling cocoons). Flam had also barred them from the bridge, the galley, engineering, and anywhere where there were buttons to push, for what he insisted were very good reasons (even if the Crusaders couldn't imagine what those reasons might be).
It was a long three days, on the Ferengi ship.
* * *
It was a long three days, on the Federation ship.
Twilight's schedule was strictly adhered to, with the exception that the breaks were all continually cut short when all six ponies kept getting back early. Rainbow Dash wolfed down her meals; Rarity ate in a more restrained, ladylike fashion, but declared herself satiated and ready to go back to work the instant any other pony's meal was complete. Twilight quietly wondered whether Rarity was getting enough to eat.
The spell wasn't easy to hold up, even with the help of the Elements of Harmony (and took a good few minutes to shut down safely, as well); but the few hours of sleep that the Bearers snatched when they could make a dramatic difference.
Of course, the rainbow trail vanished after the first time they stopped to sleep – the Ferengi ship had passed through that area of space too long ago, and their wake had faded too far for even Twilight's careful spellwork to pick it up – but they had the last known location of the Ferengi ship, and Celestia reassured them that Spike had reported that there was none of the slight vibration that the engine seemed to cause.
Still, knowing that if the ship hadn't stopped, they might have no way to track it made it a very long three days for the Bearers.
The silence in the front observation deck was broken by the ship's intercom.
“Ladies,” said Captain Anderson's voice, “would you mind stopping your... whatever you're doing? We're only a few minutes away from the Ferengi ship, so get ready.”
Twilight nodded and began to wind down the spell.
“Oh, I do hope they're all right.” murmured Fluttershy.
“Spike's last letter said they was right as rain an' ready fer us t' come take 'em home.” said Applejack, firmly.
“And that was an hour ago.” said Twilight. “Most probably, they're still fine.” She took a deep breath. “But just in case, be prepared for anything when we teleport there.”
And at just that moment, the view outside the window settled into a stationary starscape; without any sign of another ship visible to pony eyes.
“...where are they?” asked Rainbow, hovering slightly over the floor.
“I'm sure Captain Anderson knows what he's doing...” growled Twilight, looking carefully over the view in front of them.
Then the view twisted as the ship turned, spinning gently to the left, until...
“There!” said Rainbow, pointing.
“Where?” asked Rarity.
“That spot of light there.” said Rainbow, pointing one hoof towards the window. “It's not the same as the others. It's a little bit bigger, and it's moving – very slowly, but moving – compared to the rest.”
“Yes, that's probably them.” said Twilight, straining her eyes to try and spot what Rainbow had seen. “Well spotted, Rainbow.”
“If that's them,” said Rainbow, dropping to land on the carpet, “then they're a long way away still. Miles.”
“If they're close enough to be seen,” said Twilight, still unable to spot the spot that Rainbow had pointed out, “then at the speeds this thing goes, we can't be more than a few seconds away. A minute or two at most.”
“Three minutes.” interrupted Captain Anderson's voice over the speakers. “We're going slow enough to make sure we don't crash into them.”
Rainbow mentally compared the distance that it had to be to such a small spot with the time of 'three minutes' and, for the first time, got an idea of just how fast a Federation ship's sublight drive was. She sat down abruptly.
“And... we were going faster than this?” she asked.
“Yes, Rainbow.” said Twilight. “We were going faster than light.”
“Over two hundred times faster than light.” said Captain Anderson's voice.
Rainbow blinked. “Two hundred times faster than this?” she asked, taking another look at the distant spot of light that contained, if Spike's letters were to be believed, several dozen fairly large rooms.
“No,” said the captain, “a little bit over three hundred times faster than this.”
Rainbow stared out of the window. The vague idea of challenging a starship to a race at some point in the future ran into a corner of her mind and hid away, never to resurface.
“I think I see it.” murmured Fluttershy. “It's getting bigger.”
“They're not responding to hails.” reported the Captain. “They don't have an identification beacon, but it's clearly a Ferengi ship – I'm pretty sure this is the right ship.”
“There's more than one to choose between?” asked Rarity.
“Not within range of our sensors.” said Captain Anderson.
“It's them.” said Applejack, firmly, before quietly adding “It's gotta be them.”
“One minute.” said Captain Anderson.
“Alright, girls.” said Twilight. “I see it. We're almost close enough. Gather round.”
“Almost close enough for what?” asked Captain Anderson, nervously.
“We're going.” said Rarity. “To fetch our sisters.”
There was a flash of light, and the front observation bridge was empty.
* * *
In the brig, buried under the Ferengi ship, there was a flash of light. And suddenly, there were six ponies.
“Ready for anything, girls.” said Twilight, lighting up her horn.
There was a hisssssssing sound from next to them, and a creature unfolded from the shadows; long, thin, and snakelike, with a chicken's head. It was unfortunate for the cockatrice that the shadow it emerged from was right next to Fluttershy.
“You!” snapped the yellow pegasus. She pointed back at the shadowed corner of the cell. “Sit!”
The cockatrice remembered her; the scary yellow winged horse that could outstare even it. It whimpered, and sat quietly.
“Oh, you poor thing.” said Fluttershy. “You're just skin and bones. When did you last get something to eat?” She looked up, and across the corridor, to where a cragadile lay asleep.
Rarity, meanwhile, attempted to walk out of the cell, and walked directly into a cracking field of force.
“What is -” began Rarity, before she was interrupted.
“Where are we?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“We're on the Ferengi ship.” said Twilight. “These must be the cells Spike told us about.”
“He didn't say they were keeping animals in here, too!” said Fluttershy. “This fellow hasn't had anything to eat for three whole days... we need to do something about this.” She patted the cockatrice on top of its chickeny head. “As soon as we've found your sisters.”
In the depths of the hold of the Ferengi ship, Red Dawn sliced open a cocoon with her horn. “Couldn't've given me ten minutes warning...” she muttered, stepping smartly back to avoid the green goop that fell out of the cocoon, followed by an unconscious Ferengi.
She clicked her mandibles together(1), and pointed at the alien. “Carry that one.” she said.
Green flashed across Flam's eyes as he stepped forward. “Yes.” he said. His horn glowed, and he lifted up Pog's unresponsive body.
“Get it cleaned off,” ordered Dawn, “before our... rescuers... see it.”
“Of course.” said Flam, dully.
“And, when you're done with that one,” continued Dawn, stepping up towards the second cocoon, “you'll need to clean this one, too.”
“Scootaloo! Um... hi, Squirt. So... what's there to do in this place?”
“Oh, there's this one room, with all these buttons, and they all do, well, stuff, and we were gonna press all of them and try for cutie marks in alien button pushing buuuuut... we're kinda not allowed in there anymore.”
“Probably for good reason.” nodded Twilight.
“And then,” continued Scootaloo, “there's these things called replicators, that make stuff just appear when you hit the buttons, and honest, we hardly even touched that one, just kinda poked at it a bit, and we don't know how it got stuck on tree sap, but we're not supposed to touch those anymore either...”
“Have you not had a bath all week?” Rarity asked, scrutinising some tree sap still stuck in Sweetie's mane.
“No.” said Sweetie.
“And where are Red Dawn an' that shady salespony?” asked Applejack. “Ah reckon Ah gotta thank 'em both for looking after mah little sister so well.”
A flash of green light passed briefly over Applebloom's eyes. “They're... busy.” she said. “They've kinda been busy a lot of the time. Always together, for some reason.”
“Ah.” said Rarity. “I think I understand. Two kindred souls, captured by aliens, held captive far from their beloved Equestria, falling into each other's hooves...”
“Ah think,” said Applejack firmly, “you've bin reading too many o' those romance novels.”
“And what about the aliens?” asked Rainbow Dash.
Sweetie Belle's eyes flashed briefly green. “They're... locked up.” she said. “In a room that locks.”
“Do you think there's somewhere we can find some food for the animals?” asked Fluttershy. “If everypony's safe, then we should probably be looking into that now...”
* * *
“Now, don't bolt it.” Fluttershy said, firmly, as Twilight teleported a bowlful of some sort of alien food(2) and a bucket of water into the cragadile's cage. “I know it's not much, but I'll try to find you something better soon, okay?”
She smiled at the cragadile, which snorted at her.
“Where did you get these from?” asked Twilight. “I've never seen six bowls of oats so exactly the same before.”
“It's from the replicator.” said Sweetie Belle.
“The same replicator that you just told us not ten minutes ago that you weren't supposed to touch?” asked Rarity, raising an eyebrow.
“Um... but Fluttershy really needed the oats?” squeaked Sweetie, nervously.
“I did.” said Fluttershy, nodding. “We really couldn't wait. This poor phoenix's fire is barely flickering.”
“And how does the replicator work?” asked Twilight.
“You press buttons and stuff appears.” said Sweetie Belle, firmly.
“Only you gotta put a coin in the slot first.” added Scootaloo. “But we found this whole bag of alien coins under a pillow in this one room, so we've got enough for a few days.”
“And how did you know which buttons to press to make oats?” asked Twilight.
“Dawn showed us!” squeaked Sweetie.
“Good for her.” nodded Twilight. “She must have found out from the aliens. Now, do you know where we can find her and Flam? We should definitely be start heading back to Equestria.”
“We can't leave these fellows behind.” said Fluttershy, waving one hoof at the cells. “They'll starve.”
“We'll have to see whether Captain Anderson can tow the entire ship.” said Twilight. “We'll... um...”
“Is something wrong?” asked Applejack.
“I just realised we can't teleport back.” said Twilight.
“Surely a bit of rest and a good meal...” began Rarity.
Twilight shook her head. “It's not a matter of energy.” she said. “It's just that I don't know exactly where his ship is. We'd have to find a window and look for it, that's all.”
“Ooooh!” Applebloom jumped up. “Ah know where there's a window!”
(1) For once, she wasn't wearing any disguise at all.
(2) Oats. The cragadile wasn't too impressed, especially since a nice, plump, juicy cockatrice had just slithered into view in the opposite cell.
“There we go.” Twilight nodded, firmly, as soon as she got to the forward observation deck; Captain Anderson's ship was quite nearby and fully visible.
“You don't think they're worried, do you?” asked Fluttershy, nervously. “I mean, we did kind of vanish off the ship rather abruptly. Do you think Flim would be cross that we left him behind after he came all this way?”
“Probably.” Twilight grimaced. “I'll go back and reassure them, maybe get one of those portable window things so we can talk.”
“Portable window things?” asked Spike.
“It's just a little bit like a mirror, darling.” said Rarity. “A piece of glass in a frame. Only instead of your reflection, it shows what's in front of a different mirror.”
“They've got some means of connecting any pair of them.” continued Twilight. “I'm not quite sure how they do that, but it only takes a minute or two.”
“So it's some kind of magic mirror?” asked Spike.
“No,” said Twilight, “that's the strange thing. There isn't a scrap of magic in them anywhere, as far as I can tell. Oh, Rarity, could you hold a marker for me for a few minutes?”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “We're not all going back, then?” she asked.
“Well, no.” said Twilight. “I'm just going to get a mirror thing, and Flim if he wants to come along. And the teleport back here will be a lot easier if somepony's holding a marker for me.”
“Hold it, hold it, hold it.” said Rainbow Dash. “Holding a marker?”
“It's one of the easiest unicorn spells you get, darling.” said Rarity. “And the first spell that a lot of unicorns do – aside from surges, of course.”
“And surprisingly versatile.” added Twilight.
“So... what's it do?” asked Applejack.
“Absolutely nothing, on its own, except make your horn glow.” said Rarity.
“It marks a location.” said Twilight. “Specifically, the location of the unicorn casting the spell. Other spells can then use that marker as a target point.”
“So as long as I'm holding the marker,” continued Rarity, “Twilight can teleport right next to me whenever she wants.”
“It saves me from accidentally teleporting into the same cell as a cockatrice again.” finished Twilight, charging up her teleportation spell.
* * *
There was a pop of displaced air as Twilight appeared back on the Federation trade ship. This time, she'd turned up in a fairly average corridor. Unfortunately, the only part of the ship that she'd been on for more than a few minutes altogether was the forward observation lounge – she had no idea where she was, or which way to go to find Flim, or the either of humans who ran the ship.
“Hello?” she called out. “Anypony there?”
* * *
“You were locked in a small closet,” said Red Dawn, her twisted horn glowing a bright, hypnotic green, “which was opened only briefly, for meals.”
“We were locked in a small closet, which was only opened briefly for meals.” droned the two Ferengi.
“You have never seen any creature covered in black chitin.”
“We have never seen any creature covered in black chitin.”
“You kidnapped a buffalo from Manehatten. You did not kidnap a creature covered in black chitin from near Canterlot.”
“We kidnapped a buffalo from Manehatten. We did not kidnap a creature covered in black chitin from near Canterlot.”
“You fear the small dragon.”
“We fear the small dragon.”
“If you escape, he will kill you.”
“If we escape, he will kill us.”
“Therefore, you will not attempt to escape.”
“Therefore, we will not attempt to escape.”
“If you attack a pony, the dragon will kill you.”
“If we attack a pony, the dragon will kill us.”
“Therefore, you will not attack a pony.”
“Therefore, we will not attack a pony.”
“Or any creature shaped vaguely like a pony.”
“Or any creature shaped vaguely like a pony.”
“Excellent.” Red Dawn let the green light fade from her horn.
“Excellent.” droned the two Ferengi.
Red Dawn gave them a glance, and then let green fire encase her for a moment, changing her form from an insequine creature to a buffalo.
“Now, you two, get into the closet.” She pointed one hoof at the small doorway. Both Ferengi followed her directions.
Red Dawn locked the door, then stepped back and nodded. She held out one hoof to Flam. “Now, let's go and meet our rescuers. I wonder if I can have them under control as well be the time we get back...”
* * *
“Anypony there?”
“Twilight? I thought the Captain said you'd just vanished!” Flim said, trotting into view from behind her.
“Oh! Right. We went to the other ship, to make sure everything was alright. Do you know where the humans are?”
“They're right this way.” said Flim, pointing. “You've been walking the wrong way. How's my brother, by the way?”
“Apparently he's found a marefriend.” said Twilight. “A buffalo.”
“You're joking.” said Flim, his tone sceptical. “Flam? A buffalo?”
Twilight shrugged. “That's what Applebloom said. Mind you, she's a young filly – she might have misconstrued something.”
“She must have.” said Flim, firmly. “I mean, Flam? A marefriend? The very concept boggles the mind.”
There was a swish as the door to the forward observation deck on the Ferengi ship slid open.
“Oh!” said the buffalo, looking through it. “I, um, I don't believe we've been formally introduced...”
“This is my big sister!” said Sweetie Belle, pointing.
“And here's mah sister Applejack!” added Applebloom.
“And Rainbow Dash!” said Scootaloo, not to be left out.
“Also with us,” added Rarity, completing the introductions, “are Pinkie Pie -”
“Hiya!” said Pinkie Pie, waving.
“- Spike, who I believe you already know -”
Spike waved, anyhow.
“- and Fluttershy.”
Applejack stepped to the side, revealing a nervous yellow pegasus behind her. Fluttershy squeaked and went to hide behind Rainbow Dash instead.
“She's a little shy.” said Rarity, apologetically. “We're here as part of an effort to track down a pair of Ferengi kidnappers and bring their victims home. And you are?”
“I'm Red Dawn.” said the buffalo, stepping into the room. “And this is my stallionfriend, Flam.”
“Oh, good. Your brother's on the way, by the way; Twilight's just gone to fetch him.”
“My brother?” asked Flam.
“You have a brother.” said Red Dawn firmly. It was more a statement than a question.
“I... I do?” said Flam, uncertainly. “I... guess I do.”
“You have a brother and you never said a word about him to me.”
“I, I, um, that's right. I have a brother.” Flam said it as if this was something that simply hadn't occurred to him ten minutes before.
There was a sudden pop as Twilight reappeared, along with Flim and a floating slab of some kind.
“Hi!” she said, stepping forward and holding out a hoof. “You must be Red Dawn. Spike mentioned you in his letters.”
“Ah.” said Dawn, shaking Twilight's hoof. “You must be Twilight, right?”
“That's right.” nodded Twilight.
“And then you must be... Flam's brother?”
“Flim.” said the unicorn salespony, raising his hat politely.
“Hey, Flim.” said Flam.
“Flam.” said Flim. He stepped forward, and peered intently at his brother. “A marefriend?” he asked.
“Yes.” said Flam, firmly. “I was thinking of settling down with her, when we get back.”
“A buffalo marefriend?” asked Flim, walking around his brother and watching him closely.
“Well, yes, I...”
“Hmmmmm.” Flim peered closely at Flam's eyes. Then he abruptly nodded. “I see.” he said.
“You see what?” asked Red Dawn.
“Oh, nothing to worry about.” said Flim, placing one hoof on his brother's shoulder and steering him towards the doorway. “We just need to take a few moments to catch up, Flam and I. Brotherly things. Why don't you all take a moment to get acquainted with Red Dawn while we step off for a quiet chat?”
“Now, just a -” began Red Dawn.
“I think that's an excellent idea, darling.” said Rarity, at the same moment. “The two of you could do with a few moments to catch up. Now, Red, have you started planning a wedding yet? I could get you a dress at quite a discount...”
* * *
Flim stopped walking some distance along the corridor, and took a good look at his brother's eyes again. “It's the super-shmoopy-doopy-doo love potion all over again, isn't it?” he asked. “Where this lady pulled the ingredients from I have no idea...”
“This is nothing like that!” objected Flam. “My feelings for Dawn are genuine!”
Flim gave Flam a sceptical look. “Right.” he said, sarcastically.
“Besides,” continued Flam, “I didn't drink anything she gave me.”
“Then you won't mind,” said Flim firmly, his horn glowing, “if I cast the counterspell?”
“That won't do anyth-”
There was a flash of light.
There was a long moment of silence.
“Feel better?” asked Flim.
“Much, thanks.” said Flam. “Um. I... seem to be missing some memories...”
“Mnemosyne's?” asked Flim.
“Yes, please.” said Flam.
Flim's horn glowed as he cast Mnemosyne's Memory Restorer on his brother; an obscure spell originally designed to improve memory recall, though with the useful side-effect of restoring almost any form of magically deleted memory, as long as it is applied soon enough after the memory is deleted.
“My goodness.” said Flam. “She's not a buffalo at all.”
“Given the names you normally call anypony who dates outside of their species,” said Flim, “I'm not surprised you're trying to pass her off as a disguised unicorn.”
“No.” Flam shook his head. “She's... something else. Sortof an... insect-pony something. Incredibly good at disguise spells, by the way... she has a horn and wings.”
“And apparently well practiced with infatuation spells too.” said Flim. “That or love potions.”
“I... I think I still have a few holes in my memories.” said Flam. “But I don't think I would have drank anything a stranger gave to me... so yes, probably infatuation spells.”
“Hmmm.” said Flim. “But her facility with disguise spells alone...”
“Indeed.” nodded Flam. “I can already think of dozens of ways we could turn a profit from her unique skills.”
“As long as we can somehow blackmail her into working with us instead of against us...” said Flim, starting to grin at the thought.
“Oh, that shouldn't be a problem.” said Flam. “If we threaten to expose her to Celestia...”
“It's not like she has anything on us at the moment.” said Flim.
“And Dawn's afraid of her.” Flam's grin was now wider than his brother's.
“So, in exchange for not revealing her to Celestia,” said Flim.
“...we can offer her a one-third share in our business.” continued Flam. “With our marketing genius and her magical abilities...”
“And as soon as we've learnt her disguise spell,” finished Flim, “we can just abscond in the night.”
“...and a good champagne is traditional, of course,” said Rarity. “But you can't go wrong with a nice red – oh, you're back.”
“Indeed we are!” agreed Flim.
“We've been talking,” said Flam
“Thinking,” said Flim.
“Considering our futures,” added Flam. He trotted around to the far side of Red Dawn (who had been nervously backing away from him for some reason) and threw one foreleg over her shoulders. “Perhaps expanding Flim Flam Enterprises!”
“Now, just a moment there -” said Applejack, quickly.
“Oh, as an equal partner, of course!” said Flim, just as quickly.
“With decision-making power equal to either of us!” agreed Flam.
“Why, from what my brother's told me...”
“...her talents will make her a valuable part of the team!”
“An' what talents exactly are y'all talking about?” asked Applejack.
“Oh, we've been working together a few days now,” said Flam, dismissively. “And I've got a very good memory – I remember everything she's told me.”
Red Dawn looked a little pale.
“Of course, we wouldn't dare try to force this on the poor mare,” said Flim.
“Quite. If she doesn't like our offer, we'll not hold her back,” agreed Flam. “Not after all the help she's been in our escape.”
Red Dawn almost breathed a sigh of relief.
“But I'd have to do something to thank her for looking after my brother,” continued Flim. “If she refuses our offer, perhaps we could ask Princess Celestia if she would find a suitable berth for this lovely lady.”
Red Dawn's smile froze.
“I'm certain that if I told the Princess all I know about Red Dawn, she'd find the perfect place,” concluded Flam.
“I'm, er, I'm sure she would.” said Red Dawn, nervously. “But, um, that won't be necess- I mean, um, well, Flam's been talking a bit about the, um, I mean, the benefits of...”
“The life of a travelling salespony!” said Flim.
“The romance of a life on the open road!” added Flam.
“Yeah, um, that,” said Red Dawn.
“'Scuse me a minute.” Applejack pushed Flam to one side, and gently led Red Dawn just a little out of earshot. “Listen, those two – they ain't blackmailin' you or anything, are they?”
“Um, no?” said Dawn.
Applejack looked at Dawn for a long moment before speaking again. “Right, well, if they are, or if you got anything else you need help with, you come talk to me, okay? Ah've come across those two before, and they've never struck me as being entirely honest, so t'speak... but Ah owe you for looking after mah sister as well, so anytime you need help, you come talk to me, okay? If it's legal trouble o' some kind, Ah can get a letter to the Princess in about twenty minutes, and she knows her way around a legal conundrum like you wouldn't believe.”
“I'll, um, I'll keep that in mind,” said Red Dawn, nervously. Did everypony here have a private line to the Princess?
* * *
Half an hour later
“We've got two very dazed Ferengi in the brig, Admiral.” said Captain Anderson, talking to a data pad on the small table in his quarters. “And by 'brig', I mean the broom closet. We have a very small ship, and very few internal doors that have actual locks on them. Our... celebrity guests are taking shifts watching them. The purple one has schedules, Admiral. Schedules like you wouldn't believe – she's trying to arrange that five of them share the same two beds, sleeping in precise eight-hour shifts!”
Captain Anderson took a deep breath. “They've also rescued three juveniles and two adults, one apparently a sentient buffalo, of all things, and some kind of reptile which I am assured is a dragon. Not to mention a half-dozen or so miscellaneous wild creatures that we can't bring to this ship, due to safety concerns. So we've tractored the direlict Ferengi ship, and are towing it behind us; our warp bubble's just large enough. The, um, creatures are remaining in the brig on the Ferengi ship, except the dragon, who isn't actually a creature because he's sapient. And breathes fire, incidentally. And... somehow, he scares the Ferengi like you wouldn't believe.”
On the screen, the Admiral nodded. “Thank you, Captain Anderson.” he said. “You have gone above and beyond what I asked you to do when I paid you, and I am exceedingly grateful. I will be adding a substantial bonus to our agreed payment, and if you ever need any reasonable help from Starfleet, just let my office know.” He grinned slightly. “I'm even willing to consider slightly unreasonable.”
“Um, thank you, Admiral.” said Anderson, nodding. “I'll, um, I'll keep it in mind.”
“One last question.” said the Admiral. “How long will it take you to get back to Equestria?”
“Well, we're not nearly as fast as the Ferengi without someone supercharging our engines – however they did that – and Mr. Trent tells me that our warp drive took a bit of a beating on the way here, so we're going to take it a bit more slowly on the way back. Maybe two weeks?”
“Thank you, Captain.” said the Admiral. “Incidentally, there will be a small ceremony when you return. I understand the Princess wishes to award you medals.”