Chapter 30: Super-shmoopy-doopy-doo
There was a swish as the door to the forward observation deck on the Ferengi ship slid open.
“Oh!” said the buffalo, looking through it. “I, um, I don't believe we've been formally introduced...”
“This is my big sister!” said Sweetie Belle, pointing.
“And here's mah sister Applejack!” added Applebloom.
“And Rainbow Dash!” said Scootaloo, not to be left out.
“Also with us,” added Rarity, completing the introductions, “are Pinkie Pie -”
“Hiya!” said Pinkie Pie, waving.
“- Spike, who I believe you already know -”
Spike waved, anyhow.
“- and Fluttershy.”
Applejack stepped to the side, revealing a nervous yellow pegasus behind her. Fluttershy squeaked and went to hide behind Rainbow Dash instead.
“She's a little shy.” said Rarity, apologetically. “We're here as part of an effort to track down a pair of Ferengi kidnappers and bring their victims home. And you are?”
“I'm Red Dawn.” said the buffalo, stepping into the room. “And this is my stallionfriend, Flam.”
“Oh, good. Your brother's on the way, by the way; Twilight's just gone to fetch him.”
“My brother?” asked Flam.
“You have a brother.” said Red Dawn firmly. It was more a statement than a question.
“I... I do?” said Flam, uncertainly. “I... guess I do.”
“You have a brother and you never said a word about him to me.”
“I, I, um, that's right. I have a brother.” Flam said it as if this was something that simply hadn't occurred to him ten minutes before.
There was a sudden pop as Twilight reappeared, along with Flim and a floating slab of some kind.
“Hi!” she said, stepping forward and holding out a hoof. “You must be Red Dawn. Spike mentioned you in his letters.”
“Ah.” said Dawn, shaking Twilight's hoof. “You must be Twilight, right?”
“That's right.” nodded Twilight.
“And then you must be... Flam's brother?”
“Flim.” said the unicorn salespony, raising his hat politely.
“Hey, Flim.” said Flam.
“Flam.” said Flim. He stepped forward, and peered intently at his brother. “A marefriend?” he asked.
“Yes.” said Flam, firmly. “I was thinking of settling down with her, when we get back.”
“A buffalo marefriend?” asked Flim, walking around his brother and watching him closely.
“Well, yes, I...”
“Hmmmmm.” Flim peered closely at Flam's eyes. Then he abruptly nodded. “I see.” he said.
“You see what?” asked Red Dawn.
“Oh, nothing to worry about.” said Flim, placing one hoof on his brother's shoulder and steering him towards the doorway. “We just need to take a few moments to catch up, Flam and I. Brotherly things. Why don't you all take a moment to get acquainted with Red Dawn while we step off for a quiet chat?”
“Now, just a -” began Red Dawn.
“I think that's an excellent idea, darling.” said Rarity, at the same moment. “The two of you could do with a few moments to catch up. Now, Red, have you started planning a wedding yet? I could get you a dress at quite a discount...”
* * *
Flim stopped walking some distance along the corridor, and took a good look at his brother's eyes again. “It's the super-shmoopy-doopy-doo love potion all over again, isn't it?” he asked. “Where this lady pulled the ingredients from I have no idea...”
“This is nothing like that!” objected Flam. “My feelings for Dawn are genuine!”
Flim gave Flam a sceptical look. “Right.” he said, sarcastically.
“Besides,” continued Flam, “I didn't drink anything she gave me.”
“Then you won't mind,” said Flim firmly, his horn glowing, “if I cast the counterspell?”
“That won't do anyth-”
There was a flash of light.
There was a long moment of silence.
“Feel better?” asked Flim.
“Much, thanks.” said Flam. “Um. I... seem to be missing some memories...”
“Mnemosyne's?” asked Flim.
“Yes, please.” said Flam.
Flim's horn glowed as he cast Mnemosyne's Memory Restorer on his brother; an obscure spell originally designed to improve memory recall, though with the useful side-effect of restoring almost any form of magically deleted memory, as long as it is applied soon enough after the memory is deleted.
“My goodness.” said Flam. “She's not a buffalo at all.”
“Given the names you normally call anypony who dates outside of their species,” said Flim, “I'm not surprised you're trying to pass her off as a disguised unicorn.”
“No.” Flam shook his head. “She's... something else. Sortof an... insect-pony something. Incredibly good at disguise spells, by the way... she has a horn and wings.”
“And apparently well practiced with infatuation spells too.” said Flim. “That or love potions.”
“I... I think I still have a few holes in my memories.” said Flam. “But I don't think I would have drank anything a stranger gave to me... so yes, probably infatuation spells.”
“Hmmm.” said Flim. “But her facility with disguise spells alone...”
“Indeed.” nodded Flam. “I can already think of dozens of ways we could turn a profit from her unique skills.”
“As long as we can somehow blackmail her into working with us instead of against us...” said Flim, starting to grin at the thought.
“Oh, that shouldn't be a problem.” said Flam. “If we threaten to expose her to Celestia...”
“It's not like she has anything on us at the moment.” said Flim.
“And Dawn's afraid of her.” Flam's grin was now wider than his brother's.
“So, in exchange for not revealing her to Celestia,” said Flim.
“...we can offer her a one-third share in our business.” continued Flam. “With our marketing genius and her magical abilities...”
“And as soon as we've learnt her disguise spell,” finished Flim, “we can just abscond in the night.”
The two brothers nodded, firmly.
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4617391
That would explain why all species share the same biochemistry, but not why Vulcans and Humans can interbreed; they should be at least as different as (say) elephants and kangaroos.
Though I guess there could have been Q-style interference to make things more entertaining or something.
Oh Flim, Flam, never change!
Oh, brothers...
Well, it's not like Dawn is defenseless, but this is definitely not what she'd planned. This will probably backfire on Flim and Flam, but in the meantime, the negotiations should be quite a sight. I look forward to more.
4789354 Well obviously Vulcans and Humans can breed, because "what's the point of being a nerd set to invade space otherwise* "?!
*Gene Rodberry, 5th grade onwards
Err, have our two interstellar salesponies not heard about 'that incident' during a certain Canterlot wedding??
Guess they were on the road and never caught up with the news.
Red Dawn will eat you two.
.....and in the cells she seemed almost like a nice character.
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They haven't heard about it because it hasn't happened yet; this story is set just a little before the Canterlot Wedding. Red Dawn was kidnapped from near to Canterlot, where she was playing her part in preparing the invasion; Chrysalis is currently disguised as Cadance, and Cadance is trapped in the old crystal mines under the city.
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How better to find new life than to create it?
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It's the REAL prime directive.
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If we're going to create life, then why not do it here on Earth, where we have all the necessary materials readily available, instead of spending all that time cataloguing empty planets and dealing with culture shock and all that first? Wouldn't that be simpler?
The Changelings plot returning for Act 3. I hope to read the full version some time.
Oh darn.