"My profession?! You know, now that I think of it, I've always wanted to be a baker. Yes, a baker"
Pantheon, known as the Artisan of War by the governing bodies of every city on Runeterra, has fought in more battles than anyone can remember, slaying countless enemies with his mighty relic-weapons and unparalleled skill. A mighty warrior, Pantheon lives for the thrill of battle, revering combat in all its forms.
But Pantheon has a secret. Deep down, he has always desired to leave the battlefield behind... to be a baker.
Due to the untested magic of a rogue mage, Pantheon's secret wish just might be fulfilled, and then some.
~~~
Crossover with League of Legends. Minor knowledge of the game may be helpful, but is not required.
Water splashed around the feet of the running figures. Moving as one the group of five champions surrounded their quarry: the lone midlaner, Ryze.
"Damn," Ryze said as he backed into an enclosed pit off the side of the river. A quick check showed that flash was down for another fifteen seconds, so the only way out was through the five enemy champions.
"I've gone and got myself caught out," Ryze lamented. "I'll never hear the end of it from Thresh." The blue-skinned man came to a halt when he backed into the still-warm corpse of the dragon who had, until recently, resided in the pit Ryze found himself trapped within. "I can almost hear him now, 'You should have grabbed the lantern, noob. You shouldn't have fed, noob.' Oh how I hate being called a noob when it's not my fault."
The enemy ADC, Caitlyn, stepped forward. "I think that's enough talking." The woman smirked, "Time to die."
~~~
Meanwhile, in one of the various summoning chambers in the Institute of War, a summoner was panicking. The robed man pulled at his hair chanting, "Oh no, oh no, oh no!" repeatedly. What had seemed like a good idea, a quick nip into the enemy's jungle to steal their blue buff, had turned into a nightmare.
The summoner's comrades weren't helping either. One in particular, the one who just happened to be attuned to Thresh at the moment, was shooting the frantic man a glare which could curdle milk. The summoner was so distraught that he almost missed it when one of his fellows calmly stated, "Don't worry, I've got this."
Ryze's summoner had all but given up hope when, out of the blue, a large circle appeared around the dragon pit. The champions themselves couldn't see it, but the summoners quickly relayed the information to their respective partners.
~~~
Ryze had given up hope that he'd survive this encounter and resigned himself to his fate when he recieved a mental message from his summoner. "Help is on the way."
"Help?" Ryze thought back angrily. "What sort of 'help' could save me from this!?" He noticed a perturbed look cross Caitlyn's face. She raised her rifle with much more haste than the lazy motions she'd been using earlier, apparently she'd gotten the news as well.
"You'll see." If Ryze could touch his summoner right now, he'd definitely slap him for being too cryptic.
Ryze didn't have to wait long to find out who his savior was. A sharp whistling preceded an almighty crash as a man-sized meteor fell out of the sky directly in front of him. The impact struck everyone on the enemy team, miraculously leaving Ryze unscathed. Caitlyn's shot went wide, her hasty aiming combined with the massive impact to turn a one-shot-kill into an embarrassing miss.
The dust cleared and an impressive figure emerged from the crater. Clad in ancient armor and wielding the powerful relic-weapons of his people, was Pantheon. Without wasting time the legendary warrior turned to chase the fleeing enemy team.
With a roar Pantheon leapt towards Ryze's laning opponent, Cassiopia. The impact stunned the snake-woman long enough for Pantheon to drive his spear through her torso. Hardly pausing to even draw his weapon from the body, the Artisan of War turned to face two more enemies who had been fleeing alongside of Cass. A swift flurry of jabs ensured that those two enemies were once again right by the snake's side.
"Voli's getting away!" Ryze shouted, pointing to the bear fleeing in the opposite direction.
Pantheon calmly watched the bear run, gauging the distance. "No he isn't." With a grunt the man hurled his spear towards the ursine. His aim was true, Volibear fell with a thud.
"Now then." Pantheon's spear re-materialized in his hand as he calmly approached the cowering Caitlyn. "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way."
Caitlyn's reply was fired from her gun at high velocity. Pantheon's hoplon shield swatted the bullet out of the air with contemptuous ease. "Hard way it is, then." The man grinned, he liked it when they went out fighting.
A mighty bellow escaped the warrior's lips as he charged the woman. Several more shots streaked towards him as he ran. Most were deflected off his shield, but one or two managed to slip past his defenses, embedding themselves in his flesh. Pantheon paid the stinging pain in his side no heed.
He raised his spear high as he closed into melee range, preparing to plunge the weapon down with all the strength he could muster. When he was just a few feet away the weapon fell, it's tip spelling certain doom for--
And then a ball of arcane energy flew between Pantheon's legs to steal the kill.
~~~
Pantheon's summoner couldn't believe his eyes. Slowly, ever so slowly, the robed man turned to face Ryze's summoner. To his credit, Ryze's summoner at least had the integrity to look guilty. "You stole my penta," Pantheon's summoner whispered.
"It was an accident," Ryze's summoner stammered, "you see-"
A blast of arcane energy, not dissimilar to the one Ryze himself had just used, cut him off. Ryze's summoner dropped to the floor with a yelp, covering his head with his arms. "Please don't kill me!" he pleaded.
Pantheon's summoner grinned evilly. "I'm not going to kill you," he said. "That would lead to legal troubles."
"Oh thank goodness," Ryze's summoner sighed with relief.
"But!" Pantheon's summoner continued, "I am going to get my penta."
"What do you-" Ryze's summoner's eyes widened in comprehension. "Is that even allowed?"
Pantheon's summoner was beyond caring. "I don't know," he said. "Let's find out."
~~~
Pantheon himself, while righteously indignant that he was unable to land the killing blow, was not nearly as upset as his summoner. "Are you certain?" he asked, unsure if he'd heard correctly.
"Of course I'm certain!" came the angry mental reply. "I want you to kill Ryze to get back at his summoner for that kill steal!"
"It would be my pleasure," the warrior said. With the finality of death itself Pantheon turned to face the sheepish looking mage.
"I assume you are aware of the situation?" Pantheon asked his teammate. "You should be honored to die by my hand."
Ryze took a step back, away from the pointy end of Pantheon's weapon. "I'd prefer it if I didn't have to die at all." The mage began summoning the mana to cast a spell.
Pantheon noticed the spell being prepared and let out a hearty laugh. "You cannot hope to face me in single combat, Ryze. You are far too underfed."
The mana drained from the mage's hands dejectedly. "You're right," Ryze admitted. Then in an action that surprised not only Pantheon, but every soul watching the battle on Runeterra, Ryze pulled the massive scroll from his back. "Which is why I intend to cheat."
No one but Ryze knew what the scroll contained, not even his summoner, but Pantheon could tell that it was not going to be good for him. With a shout he leapt towards the blue-skinned man but a spectral prison caught him mid-flight, arresting his momentum. "Ah, ah, ah," Ryze said. "You're not allowed to interrupt this masterpiece of a spell."
Pantheon raised his spear to throw it, but an orb of energy knocked it from his hand. "You just don't want to hold still, do you?" Ryze shook his head. "But no matter, I'm nearly done."
The spectral prison holding Pantheon in place broke. The warrior tried to charge, but found his legs to be unresponsive. To his shock and horror, Pantheon discovered that his form seemed to be dissolving into mist. "What have you done to me!?" he cried, looking to Ryze just as the man replaced the scroll upon his back.
"It's an experimental dimension-hopping spell," the mage stated. "Its designed to send you to another universe and I've been dying to try it out on someone." The spell had reached Pantheon's chest. He struggled against the effect, but his actions were futile. "Could you do me a favor and document what this other universe is like for me?"
Pantheon fixed the mage with a glare as the spell overtook his head, stripping his consciousness away from him.
"Shh," a soft female voice said, "I think he's waking up."
Pantheon didn't recognize the voice. He also didn't recognize the surface he was lying on.
"What're we gonna do with him?" another voice asked.
After a moment he identified the surface to be grass. He didn't remember falling asleep in a grassy field.
"I think we should take him to Twilight," a third voice said. "She'll know what to do."
The last thing Pantheon remembered was trying to kill...
"Ryze!" Pantheon shouted angrily, shooting into a sitting position. The coward had cheated during their fight, banishing Pantheon to... wherever he was.
"Careful there," the first voice Pantheon had heard said. He identified the speaker to be a small yellow pegasus with a pink mane. "You had quite the nasty fall, you shouldn't be moving around so much in case you hurt yourself."
To his credit, Pantheon only stared at the bizarre creature for a moment. He realized that, since Ryze had apparently sent him to a new universe, some things would appear strange to him. "I am no stranger to falling from great heights," he said. The yellow and pink pegasus was not alone. Accompanying her were two other similar creatures. One was a white unicorn with a purple mane while the other was a blue pegasus with a rainbow mane.
Pantheon pushed himself to his feet, rising to his full impressive height. He idly noticed the yellow and white equines back away slightly in fear, while the blue one only took to her wings to stay at eye level.
"Just what were you doing in the sky anyways?" the blue one asked, her tone slightly suspicious. Pantheon connected her voice to the second he had heard. The warrior noticed her eyeing his weapon with mistrust. "And why're you so heavily armed?"
After brief contemplation of why a race with hooves would still refer to weapons as "arms", Pantheon answered. "I was in the midst of a glorious battle when the cowardly mage I was facing banished me here to avoid an honorable death by my hand."
"How could you call battle 'glorious'?" the white one, who actually looked a little green at the moment, asked. The yellow one appeared to share the sentiment by trying to hide behind not only her mane, but her friend as well.
Pantheon, being a warrior to the core, answered immediately. "Because that is what battle is. There is no greater honor or glory than warfare. I have trained all my life in the various arts of combat, fought many enemies, and seen many victories and hope to see many more."
"Doubt that's gonna happen," the blue pegasus said. Pantheon noticed that she seemed unfazed by his speech. She was still flying a few feet in front of him, within easy reach of his spear if he chose to strike her.
"What do you mean?" Pantheon asked. Sometime during his speech the yellow pegasus had run off with the white one in tow. In the warrior's opinion, neither of them would last a second on the battlefield. This rainbow one, however, had the makings of a fine soldier.
"There hasn't been any serious armed conflict in Equestria for almost a thousand years."
Pantheon blinked. On Runeterra there were major battles at least once a year until the League was founded. A thousand years of peace was... astonishing. "Surely there's some battle to be found?" he asked.
"Nope," the pegasus shook her head. "Not unless you count the changeling invasion a couple years ago." Pantheon perked up at the word "invasion" but his hopes were swiftly dashed. "That didn't last long at all, Shining and Cadance were able to push 'em out with no casualties on either side."
"Is there some form of arena, or gladiatorial system?" Pantheon asked desperately. The pegasus shook her head. Battle was all Pantheon knew, to find himself in a world devoid of it was quite the blow to his morale. Pantheon sunk to his knees, letting his spear clatter to the ground beside him.
The pegasus landed beside him, tentatively wrapping a comforting wing around his shoulders. "I'm sure you've got plenty of other skills you can use to make a living here," she said.
Pantheon shook his helmeted head. "My entire life has been dedicated to warfare," he said. "I've never had time to cultivate any other talents I might have had."
"Well... is there anything you might want to try?"
A weak smile graced Pantheon's lips. "You know, now that I think of it, I've always wanted to be a baker."
The pegasus quirked an eyebrow. "A baker?" she asked.
"Yes," Pantheon rose once more, confidence returning to his voice. "A baker."
~~~
It turns out that Rainbow Dash, as Pantheon had learned her name to be, had a friend who was a baker and was going to introduce them.
The pair walked through the streets of Ponyville towards a house which appeared to be made of gingerbread. "It seems rather... odd to make a bakery look like a baked good," Pantheon commented.
Rainbow shrugged. "Most ponies don't question it," she said. "Besides, it makes it a good landmark." Pantheon couldn't argue that logic.
"This friend of yours, what can I expect from them?" he asked. The seasoned warrior paid no heed to the numerous stares the townsponies were giving him. If a man crumpled under the gaze of a few curious pedestrians, how would he survive in the heat of battle?
Rainbow paused. "Pinkie Pie is, well," she fished around for the appropriate words, "she's just Pinkie Pie. I don't really know how to describe her."
Pantheon raised an eyebrow even though he knew it couldn't be seen under his helmet. "Is she indescribable in a good way or in a bad way?"
"In a good way," Rainbow assured him. "She's just very random is all. Don't be surprised when she talks a mile a minute, and don't try to understand some of the things she does. The last pony who tried to figure her out nearly went crazy."
"I'll keep that in mind. She can't be worse than some of the Summoners I've had to deal with." Seriously, what even is the "LP" or "skins" that summoners talk about all the time?
"You'd be surprised," Rainbow said. The pair reached the bakery's door. Pantheon was able to read the sign above the door. "Sugarcube Corner." He was no equestrian expert, but he thought there was some sort of pun in there. Rainbow wished him luck once more before taking off into the sky.
Wasting no more time Pantheon strode up to the door and flung it open.
A lesser man would not have seen the large pink projectile flying towards him when he opened the door. Pantheon, through reflexes honed by years of battle, was able to raise his shield just in time to block the flying tackle-hug launched by what turned out to be a pink pony with a fluffy pink mane.
"Ooh, you're good," the pink pony said from where she was hugging Pantheon's shield. With an irritated shake, Pantheon was able to dislodge the pink pony from his shield. She dropped the few feet to the ground, then bounced back to her hooves. The only other being Pantheon had seen bounce like that had been the experiment Zac.
"I take it you're Pinkie Pie," Pantheon guessed from her coloration.
Pinkie nodded like a bobblehead. "Yepperooni! And you're a legendary warrior from another dimension here to learn how to bake!"
"Yes, I..." What the pony had said hit him. "What? How did you know that?" The only pony he'd told about his wish to be a baker was Rainbow, and she hadn't left his sight until a few seconds earlier. Was Pinkie Pie spying on their conversation?
Pinkie giggled. "My Pinkie Sense told me, silly!" she explained as if it was the simplest thing in the world. Pantheon just looked at here and mouthed the words "Pinkie Sense," confusedly. "Oh, am I going to have to explain this again? The readers already know what it... fine. I guess I'll tell him."
"Wha...?"
"Shhh," Pinkie interrupted. "It's rude to interrupt someone who's not done talking. Now where was I? Oh yes! My Pinkie Sense! You see, I get these little twitches and tickles all over my body that tell me when something's about to happen. Like earlier, I got a twitchy tail, which means something's going to fall soon, then I got a leg-kick, ear-buzz, shivery-shoulders combo which means something's coming from another universe, and finally I got an itchy-nose, knee-shake, dry-tongue, twitcy-shoulder which usually means somepony's going to learn how to bake!"
If Pantheon was a scientist, he would have wondered how Pinkie had enough data to know what these obscure messages meant. As it was, he was merely confused out of his mind. "So I put two and two and two together to get you! And now you're here so we can get started with our baking extravaganza!"
Pantheon found himself being pushed into the bakery's kitchen. To his surprise Pinkie had all manner of baking supplies laid out and labeled on a countertop. Just how long in advance had Pinkie's sense warned her? "I don't..."
"Of course you don't know what to do, silly!" Pinkie interrupted Pantheon again. "That's why you're here, right? To lean how to bake?"
Pantheon was reconsidering what he'd said to Rainbow earlier. He had definitely not met any summoners crazier than this. "How do..."
"I know what you're going to say?" Pinkie giggled. "Well, the author isn't too good at coming up with things for me to say so he just keeps making me break the fourth wall. Rather silly of him, if I do say so myself." Just then, a metaphor for the author's displeasure in the shape of a rock crashed through the roof. It would have landed directly on the pink pony's head if not for the ample warning she had received from her Pinkie Sense. "Better luck next time!" she called up through the brand-new skylight.
Acting as if nothing had just happened, Pinkie kicked the rock-shaped metaphor under a table. "So Mantheon, what would you like to bake first?" Pinkie's use of the nickname some of his summoners used distracted Pantheon from the confusion he was feeling.
"I think I'd like to try making some biscuits," he said. Supports seemed to love them, they got one almost every match on the Fields of Justice. And besides, he had to start somewhere, right?
Pantheon grimaced at his handiwork. The second batch of biscuits more closely resembled charcoal briquettes than anything edible. Still, he was improving. His first batch somehow managed to melt their way through the oven. Pinkie had assured the warrior that it was no problem, apparently the bakery went through about an oven a week due to various party-related reasons.
"I've definitely seen worse," Pinkie said. She popped one of the blackened biscuits into her mouth and chewed it slowly. "Mmm, crunchy!"
Pantheon picked one of the baked "goods" up with all the care of one holding volatile explosives. He brought it to his nose, sniffed it, and recoiled in disgust. "How are you even eating these?" he asked.
The mare held up a hoof while she chewed her sixth biscuit. After all, it's impolite to talk with your mouth full and Pinkie Pie was anything but impolite. With a huge gulp she swallowed her mouthful and let out a contented sigh. "Really once you get past the ashy bits they're not all that bad."
"You're just saying that to make me feel better," Pantheon said dejectedly as he watched the mare finish off the last of the tray.
Pinkie rolled her eyes. "Well, duh!" With surprising deftness, the mare's tongue shot out of her mouth and wrapped around the uneaten biscuit in Pantheon's hand. "'ve c'rse 'm say'ng tha' t' m'ke ye feel be'er" she said around a mouthful of biscuit, completely disregarding the sentence stating that she wasn't supposed to do so. She swallowed her biscuit, managed to flip the author off using hooves, and resumed her conversation with Pantheon.
"Would you prefer I criticize your every mistake down to the smallest detail, hounding you day and night until you're a master baker who could make a fifteen layer wedding cake in his sleep without breaking a sweat?" Pinkie asked.
Pantheon thought about that for a moment. It didn't seem too different from how he was raised, just, replace "baking" with "fighting" and "make a wedding cake" with "rearrange a man's internal organs with your bare hands".
"Actually that sounds alri--"
Apparently Pinkie hadn't eaten all the biscuits, because she cut Pantheon off by shoving one into his mouth. She was actually kind of right. Right in the very center was an unburned bit which tasted alright. "Well I'm not going to do that because A) that's mean, and I'm not a Meanie McMeaniepants and 2) you don't have the endurance to keep up with my training regimen."
Pantheon glanced down at his muscular figure, then he glanced at Pinkie's... poofiness. "I think you might be mistaken about, ah, point number two."
"So?" Pinkie glared at Pantheon for daring to point out a crippling oversight in her well-thought-out list of reasons. For a moment the warrior held her gaze with a defiant one of his own. That moment only lasted a quarter of a second before Pantheon looked away.
As soon as Pantheon broke the gaze Pinkie pulled yet another uneaten biscuit out from behind her ear and ate it whole. After a few seconds Pantheon broke the silence. "If you're not going to hound me until my baking improves, then how are you going to teach me?"
Pinkie's face immediately broke out into a biology-defying grin. "Oh Panth, I thought you'd never ask!"
Upbeat and lively music started playing from the walls. Pantheon looked on in confusion as Pinkie started to bob to the music. Then she started singing.
"When I was a little filly, and the sun was going doooown!"
Pantheon stared at the mare as if she'd grown an extra head.
"The darkness and the shadows--" the music abruptly cut off with the sound of a record scratching.
"Hold up," Pinkie said, pulling a stack of cue cards out of her mane. "I think I got the wrong song." She flipped through the cue cards at lightning speed. "Aha! There's where the script went off. Shouldn't take more than a moment to fix, hold on for a second."
~~~
Pantheon blinked, feeling a sudden sense of déjà vu. Wasn't Pinkie standing over there a second ago? And hadn't she been saying something about scripts?
It didn't matter, Pantheon decided. Whatever she was doing before didn't affect the music she was bouncing along to. Without warning, unless you count the music coming out of the walls as warning, Pinkie Pie burst into song.
"All you have to do is take a cup of flower, add it to the mix!"
Pantheon watched in awe as the mare teleported seemingly at random around the room. Each time she appeared she held a new item in her hooves, which she tossed into a mixing bowl.
"Now just take a little something sweet not sour. A bit of salt just a pinch!"
With dexterity that hooves should not possess Pinkie mixed her ingredients into a fine-looking dough.
"Baking these treats is such a cinch, add a teaspoon of vanilla!"
Pantheon's eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he saw Pinkie Pie mixing the bowl... and also Pinkie Pie adding in some vanilla. Shaco, LeBlanc, Wukong, and now Pinkie Pie. If Pantheon never met another person who could be in two places at once it wouldn't be soon enough. And she was still singing too.
"Add a little more and you count to four, and you never get your fill of..."
When they began baking, Pantheon had removed his shield from his arm and set it, along with his spear, on an unused counter. With Pinkie's dramatic pause Pantheon felt it would be wise to re-equip his defensive armament in case Pinkie's antics got out of hand.
And it was a good thing that he did. With a vicious war cry of, "Cupcakes! So sweet and tasty!" Pinkie Pie lobbed the mixing bowl at Pantheon's head. The man could barely lift his shield in time to deflect the projectile. The bowl spun through the air, spilling its contents along the way, and landed neatly in a sink next to some other dirty dishes.
Pinkie did a power slide holding a cupcake tray above her head singing, "Cupcakes! Don't be too hasty!" Somehow all the spilled batter flying through the air managed to land inside the little cupcake-holes on the cupcake tray. Not a single drop missed its mark.
"Cupcakes!" Pinkie sang. One of her hind hooves lashed out at a nearby cupboard, slamming it shut. Somehow this action caused an oven across the kitchen to open up. Taking careful aim, Pinkie threw her tray of cupcake batter like a Frisbee. "Cupcakes, cupcakes, cupcakes!" The tray landed perfectly in the oven and the door closed all on its own.
Pinkie Pie stood in the middle of the kitchen, striking a dramatic pose with cupcakes baking behind her. Pantheon stood on the edge of the kitchen, shield hanging limply at his side and jaw gaping wide enough that it could be mistaken for a Kog'Maw impression.
"That was..." Words failed the Artisan of War.
"I know right," Pinkie agreed. We may never know just what it was that Pinkie agreed with. "Every time I sing that song I just make the best cupcakes ever!"
"Do you break, nay, shatter the laws of physics while singing a song often?" Pantheon asked.
Pinkie smiled. "Almost every day!" With a grin she trotted over to the oven to set a timer for the cupcakes.
Sensing that the danger had passed, for now, Pantheon removed his shield. "Pinkie Pie, you are without a doubt the most random being I have ever met."
"And don't you forget it!" Pinkie Pie pulled yet another uneaten biscuit from the beginning of the chapter out of somewhere and ate it. "That reminds me, I need to give you your first assignment."
"Assignment?" Pantheon asked.
"Yep! An assignment," Pinkie said. "I can't be looking over your shoulder every second of every day, so you're going to have to do some work on your own."
The logic seemed sound to Pantheon. He had to work hard to become as good at fighting as he was, it would make sense that the same would apply to baking. "So what would you have me do?"
"First, I think you should get a place to stay," Pinkie said. Pantheon hadn't actually thought about that. He would need a roof over his head for the foreseeable future. "Preferably one with its own oven, since you can't use these ones all the time."
"Second, you need to practice your baking." Pantheon was in total agreement with Pinkie there, practicing was the only way to get better at something. "I want you to bake something, anything, at least once a day."
"And finally," Pinkie donned a plastic tiara and changed her voice, presumably to mimic someone though Pantheon hadn't the foggiest idea who she was supposed to be, "make some friends!"
Pantheon couldn't contain his curiosity. "Who was that supp--" the sound of a buzzer going off interrupted him.
"Ooh!" Pinkie squealed. "The cupcakes are ready!"
Pantheon blinked at the Pinkie-shaped cloud of dust where the mare had just been. "They're ready already?" the warrior wondered aloud. "But she only put them in five minutes ago." Ignoring the impossibility, Pantheon followed Pinkie to the oven to ice some cupcakes.
Bards would sing epic tales about Pinkie Pie's cupcakes for generations to come. The sheer deliciousness brought a single tear to Pantheon's eye as he chewed the majestic baked good. "If in all my years to come," the warrior said, "I make a single pastry which comes even close to a tenth of this cupcake's decadence, I could die a happy man."
Pinkie waved a hoof dismissively at the man's dramatics. "I try to be an inspiration to others."
"You don't just try, Pinkie." Pantheon wiped the tear from his eye. "You succeed."
Pantheon reached for a second cupcake, only to find and empty tray and a nonchalantly whistling Pinkie Pie with bits of frosting stuck in her mane. "Did you even taste those cupcakes when you ate them?" he asked.
"Of course I did, silly!" Pinkie bounced over to the counter and began mixing some more batter. "What's the point of eating things if you don't get to taste their scrumptiousness?"
Until recently, Pantheon had only eaten what he needed to stay healthy. The concept of eating for the sake of eating was still new to him. "I don't know, maybe survival?" Pantheon deadpanned.
"Don't worry, I make sure I eat all four major pastry groups every day," Pinkie assured him. She popped the batter she had started making ten seconds earlier into the oven.
"Pastry groups?" Pantheon asked. "Are those by any chance related to the major food groups? You know, fruits and vegetables, that kind of thing?"
"Of course they are," Pinkie said, pulling a fully-baked and already frosted three-layer cake out of the oven. "But enough about my diet, didn't I give you an assignment?"
Pantheon started, he had completely forgotten about that in the wake of the world's best cupcake. "You did." Pantheon grabbed his equipment and turned for the door. "Do you have any advice on where I could find a residence?"
A paper airplane bounced off his helmet. Pantheon caught it as it fell and unfolded it to reveal a hand -hoof?- drawn map of Ponyville. "Try the town hall," Pinkie said. The town hall was conveniently marked with a bright red circle. "I think they keep the records for available houses there." A dotted line showed the quickest path to Pantheon's destination from Sugarcube Corner.
"You have my thanks, Pinkie Pie." Pantheon re-folded the map into a more conventional shape and tucked it away safely.
Pinkie beamed over the tray of fresh cupcakes she had just finished. "No problem, Panth!" She made to bounce away, but stopped mid bounce and said, "Oh! You might want to talk to Twilight too, since you're an alien from another dimension and all, you can find her in the library." The pink pony resumed her bouncing and hopped through a side door.
A glance at his map revealed a new location, a building drawn for some asinine reason to look like a tree, was circled. "How did she mark the library without me noticing?" he wondered. Pinkie had been halfway across the room breaking the laws of physics, again, while the map was tucked safely away in his belt. "Did she use some form of magic?"
An unknown voice came from behind Pantheon, making him jump. "Nopony knows how Pinkie Pie does the things she does." The warrior spun to face the newcomer, raising his weapon on reflex. The unknown voice was revealed to be a skinny yellow stallion wearing a striped bowtie.
Upon realizing the stallion meant Pantheon no harm he lowered his spear. The stallion visibly relaxed when the danger of being skewered upon an eight foot long spear passed. "I take it you're this 'Pantheon' fellow Pinkie just told me about?"
"Indeed I am." Judging by the slices of cake pictured on the stallion's flank, Pantheon could guess this stallion was a baker. Beyond that Pantheon had no idea who he was. "And you are...?"
"Mr Cake," the stallion, whose name was apparently Cake, informed him. "My wife and I own this bakery. Pinkie Pie is both our employee and tenant."
"It must be very... interesting living with Pinkie Pie," Pantheon commented. If she acted anything like what he'd seen at night it might be difficult to sleep at night due to the noise.
Mr Cake gave a little involuntary shudder. "You have no idea." The faraway look in the stallion's eyes was enough to discourage Pantheon from continuing that discussion.
"Well it was good to meet you, Mr Cake," Pantheon said, holding out a hand for the pony to shake.
"Likewise." Mr Cake grimaced slightly as his hoof was crushed in Pantheon's powerful grip. "I imagine we'll be seeing more of each other," he said. "Pinkie mentioned something about teaching you how to bake?"
Pantheon nodded. "Yes, it's been a dream of mine for quite some time now." He turned back to the door. "I really must be off now, farewell Mr Cake."
"You too." Mr Cake smiled, shaking his head at the odd friends that Pinkie Pie made.
~~~
Just like the first time Pantheon walked through Ponyville, he attracted stares from nearly every pony he passed. And just like the first time Pantheon ignored each and every look he received. With purposeful strides the warrior made his way to his destination.
Not two minutes passed before the library came into view. The building, which actually was shaped out of a tree, was on the way to the town hall so Pantheon decided to stop there first.
Several muffled voices could be heard from inside the library discussing something. The voices cut off abruptly when Pantheon knocked. The door opened to reveal the white unicorn who had been present at Pantheon's arrival. Upon seeing the warrior's imposing figure the unicorn's eyes widened and she slammed the door shut again.
"It's him!" she squealed from behind the door, voice only barely muffled by the wood.
"Well let him in then!" a voice that Pantheon recognized to belong to Rainbow Dash answered. "I'm telling you, if Pantheon was gonna hurt us he would have done so already."
The door opened again, this time showing an irritated Rainbow Dash. Pantheon saw the white unicorn a bit further in standing next to the yellow pegasus he'd seen on arrival and a purple... horned pegasus? winged unicorn? he hadn't met yet. Judging by her location and the starburst mark on her flank, Pantheon guessed this purple pony was probably who Pinkie had sent him to see.
"Rainbow is correct," Pantheon said, entering the library proper. "If I wished for you to be dead you would be so already."
"So you promise not to hurt any of us?" probably-Twilight asked. Pantheon nodded. "Pinkie Pie promise?" she added.
Pantheon didn't know what a Pinkie Pie promise was, but if it was named after Pinkie, he didn't particularly feel like it was the kind of promise easily broken. "You have my word."
The white and purple unicorns sighed in relief. The yellow pegasus crawled out from under the table she was hiding behind. Rainbow wore a smug look which screamed, "I told you so."
Pantheon walked to the table the pegasus had been hiding under and sat down at one of the chairs. With a dull thunk he dropped both his shield and his spear on the table. The ponies would be more likely to believe he meant no harm if he was unarmed. "Am I correct in assuming your name is Twilight?" he asked.
"Yes, I'm Twilight Sparkle," Twilight seemed taken aback. "How did you know my name?"
"Pinkie Pie told me I should talk to you," Pantheon explained.
"Oh." Twilight paused for a moment, as if unsure of what to do. She seemed to make up her mind, as she straightened her posture and spoke in a tone that sounded much more "proper". "On behalf of my fellow ponies, let me be the first to officially say, 'welcome to Equestria, Pantheon'."
Pantheon spent the next several hours describing Runeterra to Twilight Sparkle to the best of his abilities. While he was no scholar, Pantheon did know the goings-on of most of the world due to overhearing conversations in the hallways of the Ministry of War. The mare was especially interested in the different types of magic Pantheon had seen during his many battles.
Rainbow Dash and the other two mares, Pantheon had learned their names to be Rarity and Fluttershy, left about half an hour into the discussion, citing other responsibilities.
Midway through a description of the spell Ryze had used to send him to Equestria, Pantheon happened to glance out the window. "Damn," he said, taking note of the sun's low position in the sky. "Is it that late already?"
"Yeah, time sure flies when you're having fun." Pantheon raised an eyebrow at the mare.
"You and I have very different definitions of 'fun'," he commented.
Twilight raised her hooves defensively. "Hey, learning's fun. Fighting's barbaric."
Pantheon slammed a fist down on the table. "You take that back! Fighting is the most glorious and honorable..."
"Brutal, pointless, uncouth..." Twilight cut him off. Pantheon angrily reached for his spear, only to find it hovering out of his reach in a purple glow.
"Why you little...!" Pantheon stood to grab his floating weapon, only for it to jump further out of reach. Giving up on catching the flying spear, Pantheon turned to glare at Twilight. "Give me my spear so we can settle this like men."
"Do I look like a man to you?" Twilight deadpanned.
Twilight's blatant statement of the obvious did little to deter the warrior. "No, but..." On the other hand, the door to the library slamming open to reveal a small bipedal reptile carrying a large paper bag completely derailed his train of thought.
The reptile carried his load over to a shelf before noticing the scene he had just walked in on. "Am I interrupting something?" he asked. Pantheon and Twilight shared a look.
"No," they said in unison. Both returned to their seats and Pantheon's spear returned to its place on the table. The reptile shrugged and continued carrying the bag into the next room. "Pantheon and I were just having a... discussion about the, ah, merits of different pastimes."
Pantheon picked up his weapons. "Indeed we were," he agreed, "but I really must be going. I have to find a place to stay before nightfall."
"Oh, you could stay here if you want," Twilight offered, motioning deeper into the library. "I always have a room ready in case a friend needs a place to sleep."
Pantheon was taken aback by the offer. The average person on Runeterra would never offer their home to someone they hardly knew. It seemed the ponies of Equestria were much more trusting. "You are most generous, Twilight Sparkle. It would be my pleasure to spend the night here. I assure you I will begin searching for my own residence first thing in the morning."
"Take your time," Twilight said. "It's really no trouble, and I know Spike would enjoy having another guy around to talk to." It took a minute for Pantheon to realize that Spike was the reptile he'd seen earlier. He thought the name seemed rather ill-suited to the lad, seeing as how he didn't have a single spike on him. Then again, Spike had sounded rather young; he might acquire some as he grew.
"Spike should be making dinner now," Twilight said, interrupting Pantheon's train of thought. "I'll go let him know to make some extra food and that you'll be staying with us for a little while, then I've got some important research to do for the Princess. Feel free to read anything you find on the shelves."
After a moment, Pantheon decided that reading sounded like an excellent way to both pass the time and learn about the world he found himself in. He didn't usually turn to books for information, finding first-hand accounts to be much more accurate, but it would do in a pinch.
A few minutes of searching yielded a reasonably sized tome entitled, "The Modern Day". Pantheon carried the book back to his chair and began reading.
The first few chapters detailed the increasing industrialization Equestria was going through, notably mentioning the innovations in fusions between magic and technology. Pantheon felt the progress to be a good thing, so long as the ponies never took their innovation to the extreme that the city-state Zaun had back on Runeterra.
Following the description of the modern industry came a summary of the political changes enacted over the past decade. This section didn't particularly interest the warrior, so he skimmed through most of it.
Then, in the chapter about the re-introduction of Equestria's second princess a name caught Pantheon's eye. Twilight's name. He quickly reread the passage to make sure he hadn't misread it.
"Upon Princess Luna's return, she was still possessed by the evil being which called itself "Nightmare Moon". While severely weakened by her millenia-long banishment, she was still able to prevent the sun from rising, continuing her attempt to shroud the world in eternal night. With the royal guard in disarray, six young mares from Ponyville, the sight of Nightmare Moon's return, led by Princess Celestia's protege, Twilight Sparkle, ventured into the infamous Everfree Forest in search of the fabled Elements of Harmony. The six were able to find the Elements of Harmony and harnessed their power to return the Princess of the Night to normal."
Pantheon turned back to the table of contents, looking for other mentions of the Elements of Harmony. He found what he was looking for and went to the appropriate pages to continue reading about his host's accomplishments.
~~~
By the time Spike announced that dinner was ready, Pantheon had read through everything the history book, and two others, had to offer on Twilight's accomplishments. He marveled that such an influential person would act so... normal. On Runeterra, someone with a tenth of the mare's accomplishments would seek to use them to their own advantage.
That Twilight was effectively a national hero and was content to stay as a librarian for a small town spoke volumes to her character.
The mare in question was already busy eating by the time Pantheon had returned his books and entered the kitchen. "This smells delicious," he said, gazing at a bowl of pasta drenched in some sauce he didn't know the name for.
Spike swelled with pride at the compliment. "I hope you enjoy it," he said.
Pantheon took a seat and dug into the food. It was every bit as delicious as it smelled. "So Twilight," Pantheon said between mouthfuls. Twilight continued eating, but the swiveling of her ears signaled that she was listening. "I was reading some books and they mentioned you a couple times." He paused to finish his meal in one great bite. "For someone so averse to the concept of fighting, you're not afraid to get down and dirty when your world's safety is on the line."
Twilight took her time chewing her food. "Just because I don't like the idea of fighting for fun doesn't mean I think it's unnecessary," she finally said.
"Ah, you're one of those 'only if I must' types," Pantheon surmised.
"Is that a bad thing?" Twilight asked.
Pantheon shook his head. "Not necessarily," he said, thinking of the various reluctant heroes he'd had the honor of fighting with and against. "I tend to get along well enough with them, so long as they're on my side. The ones who weren't, well, I won't go into any details but I didn't ever have to interact with them for very long."
"That's... nice." Twilight pulled off a remarkable Fluttershy impersonation, obviously uncomfortable with the subject. Luckily, Spike came to her rescue by changing the topic.
"So Pantheon, why are you wearing that helmet while you eat?" he asked.
Honestly, Pantheon hadn't even realized he was still wearing it. He was just so used to wearing it that it felt unnatural when he removed it. "Force of habit, mostly," he said. "I made it my business when traveling Runeterra to always be ready for combat. I keep it on because it feels more normal that way."
"It is," Pantheon agreed. "But I've grown used to it, and I would not be here talking to you if I did not wear my armor at all times." His hand unconsciously rubbed a scratch in his breastplate over his heart where an assassin's blade had once struck him while he ate. Needless to say the assassin had not lived for very long after that.
Conversation died off after that. Once they all finished Spike collected the dishes and started washing them. "I want to thank you again for letting me stay here tonight," Pantheon said.
Twilight rolled her eyes. "And I'll tell you again to think nothing of it," she said, leading him out of the kitchen. "Come here, I'll show you to your room."
The room they entered was sparsely furnished, with only a bed, a nightstand, and a single bookshelf. "It's nothing much, but..."
"This will do rather nicely," Pantheon cut Twilight off. "It is far nicer than many of the places I've slept in. And, honestly, I prefer my furnishings to be sparse. There's less to distract me that way."
"Well I'm glad you like it." Twilight smiled. "Good night, Pantheon. I'll see you in the morning."
"Good night," Pantheon said, then settled down for his first night in a new world.
Like he always did back on Runeterra, Pantheon rose before the dawn to go through his daily training regimen. The man quietly snuck out of the library, being careful not to wake the sleeping forms of Twilight and Spike. Once outside Pantheon quickly located a suitable open area he could practice in without breaking anything.
A couple hours into the brutal regimen Pantheon heard a sound that could best be described as "quietly urgent." It took him several seconds to realize the sound was Fluttershy trying to get his attention. "Greetings, Fluttershy," he said, a tad bit impressed that the mare who hid from him under a table the day before was able to muster up the courage to approach him while he was busy.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Fluttershy hid behind her mane. "Did I interrupting something?" And just like that, the moment of bravery had passed.
"Nothing that cannot be continued later," Pantheon assured her. "What brings you here at such an early hour? Were you looking for Twilight Sparkle, perhaps?"
Fluttershy gently shook her head. "Oh, no. I was actually here to talk to you, if you don't mind." Pantheon raised an eyebrow. Fluttershy didn't strike him as the type of person who approached someone she hardly knew to make small talk.
"Is there something in particular you wish to speak with me about?" Pantheon asked, laying down his weapons to show Fluttershy she had his full attention.
"Yes, there is," she said. "Pinkie Pie mentioned yesterday that you needed a place to stay while she taught you how to bake. You seemed so busy talking with Twilight that I thought you wouldn't be able to look for one, so Rarity and I stopped by town hall after we left the library. We realized that, since you were brand new to Equestria, you didn't have any bits so the two of us pitched in to get you a little place to call your own."
Pantheon was touched. He hardly even knew the two ponies, and his interactions with them could hardly be called favorable, and here the two of then went and got him a house. "I..." he didn't know what to say. After a few seconds of stammering he managed to get out, "Thank you, Fluttershy. You didn't have to do this for me."
"Oh, but we wanted to do this for you," Fluttershy said earnestly. "Everypony should have a home, and you just lost yours. We hope you can make just as good of a life here in Ponyville as you had back where you came from."
Mount Targon, the Rakkor tribe, Pantheon's home and people. Had he given up on returning to them? No one but Ryze knew how to bridge the gap between the two worlds, not even Twilight could identify the spell from Pantheon's description and she was a self-proclaimed expert on Equestrian magic.
"That is very kind of you," Pantheon said to Fluttershy. "And if it truly means so much then I will gladly accept this most generous gift."
"I'm sure you'll love it," Fluttershy beamed.
~~~
When Fluttershy said that she and Rarity had gotten Pantheon a "little" place to call his own, she meant it quite literally. The small building on the outskirts of Ponyville was small enough that it could fit inside the main room of Twilight's library with plenty of room to spare.
The best part of the house, in Pantheon's eyes at least, was the oven dominating the tiny kitchen area. With it, he could complete Pinkie's assignment of baking something every day without having to resort to going to Sugarcube Corner to do so.
"Thank you again, Fluttershy," Pantheon said with a smile on his face. "This is better than I could have hoped for." He couldn't remember the last time he had received such a gift. The only thing he could think of was when he received his spear and shield after his first kill when he was just a boy.
"I'm glad you like it, and I'm sure Rarity would love to hear that too."
"I"ll be sure to tell her how much I appreciate her gift the next time I see her," Pantheon said. He then pulled out his map of Ponyville, intending to ask Fluttershy to mark his new home and where he could find Rarity on it. Instead, he was surprised to see that the circles around the library and town hall had vanished since he'd last viewed the paper and in their place was a pair of arrows pointing to two different buildings. One was near the edge of the map was labeled "you are here", while the other, which pointed to a tall and intricate building near the heart of the town, declared "Rarity lives here."
"Is that one of Pinkie's maps?" Fluttershy asked, looking at the paper from the side.
Pantheon nodded and folded the obviously magical piece of paper back up. "Yes it is. Do you know how she makes them?" It would be handy to be able to create a map which gave you directions on its own.
Fluttershy shook her head. "Nopony knows how Pinkie Pie makes her maps. Twilight even said she couldn't detect any trace of enchantments on one, so it's not magic. It's just Pinkie being Pinkie."
"Just Pinkie being Pinkie..." Pantheon repeated the phrase slowly. "Is that the explanation you have for how she's able to spit in the face of physics and seemingly teleport around at random?"
The door to Pantheon's new oven popped open violently and Pinkie Pie's head sprung out of its interior. "Like this?" the pink mare asked, before retreating back into the oven.
"Yes, like tha--" Pantheon did a double take. He walked over to the oven and opened the door, revealing a surprising absence of Pinkie Pie in a space far too small for her to fit in. "You saw that too, correct?" Pantheon asked. "Or did I just imagine Pinkie Pie sticking her head out of my oven?"
"You didn't imagine it," Fluttershy assured him. "You get used to Pinkie's antics once you've lived around her for a while."
Pantheon stared at his oven, as if Pinkie might pop out of it again. "I see," he said. He opened the oven's door one more time to make sure the pink mare was gone, and found a cupcake sitting inside.
"I'll leave you to get settled in," Fluttershy said as Pantheon retrieved the baked treat. "If you need me for anything, I live just down the road, on the edge of the Everfree Forest."
Setting the cupcake down for later, Pantheon moved to open the door for Fluttershy. "Thank you again, Fluttershy, you've been an enormous help. I don't know how long it would have taken me to get back on my feet on my own."
"You're very welcome." Fluttershy beamed. "After all, that's what friends are for."
While more than adequate at providing shelter from the elements and a place to prepare baked goods, Pantheon's home was severely lacking in one crucial area. It had no supplies for the man to bake with.
In order to acquire baking supplies, Pantheon would need money and to get that, he would need a job. Since, according to Rainbow Dash, there was no jobs to be found that required fighting, Pantheon couldn't rely on his traditional fallback of mercenary work. He would have to rely on his other skills to find employment. Namely, his titanic strength and reflexes honed by the heat of battle. His baking was not yet good enough to seek employment with.
Since most of the town still stared in fear and confusion whenever Pantheon walked by, he figured his chances of getting hired by someone he didn't know were slim to none. Fortunately, Rarity struck Pantheon as the type of person who liked to keep on top of the local gossip. He figured he could kill two birds with one stone by thanking the mare and asking her where he could get a job.
Stoically ignoring the stares like he always did, Pantheon made his way through the streets of Ponyville to Rarity's home. The drawing of Rarity's home on the map didn't do the building justice. The picture showed the building to be tall and fancy, which it most certainly was, but was unable to capture its intricate detail. In Pantheon's experience, only the shining towers of Demacia and the grand entrance to the Institute of War could top the architectural magnificence of Rarity's home.
Pantheon raised a fist to knock on the door but was unable to due to the door opening on its own. Standing in the doorway was a small -by pony standards- white unicorn with a two-tone pink and lavender mane facing the mare Pantheon had come to meet. "Now you have a good time crusading with your friends, Sweetie," Rarity said. Neither pony had noticed Pantheon yet.
"I will, Rarity," "Sweetie" chirped. "Love you, sis!" The two shared an affectionate nuzzle before Sweetie bounded out the door- running headlong into Pantheon's armored legs.
"Oh hello, Pantheon, I didn't see you there," Rarity said as she made sure Sweetie was unharmed. Pantheon stepped out of the way so Sweetie could continue on her way unobstructed. "Be safe, Sweetie Belle!" Rarity called after the filly's shrinking form.
"Understandable," Pantheon reasoned. "You were otherwise preoccupied." Pantheon could respect people who put family in front of everything else.
"Please, come in," Rarity said, motioning inside. "Would you like some coffee?" She walked into a kitchen, where the bitter drink could be smelled brewing.
"No thanks," Pantheon shook his head. "I'm not a fan." He had tried the drink once back on Runeterra and did not find it appealing.
Rarity exited the kitchen holding a steaming mug of coffee in her magic. "Suit yourself. I take it Fluttershy showed you our gift?" Pantheon nodded. "Did you like it?"
"It was without a doubt the greatest gift I've received in years," he said. "Thank you."
Rarity took a sip of he coffee. "You're very welcome," she said. "Now what else did you come here for?"
"You're very perceptive," Pantheon commented, ignoring the smug look on Rarity's face. "I need a job. Do you know where someone like me could find some work?"
Rarity hummed thoughtfully. "Have you ever considered farmwork?"
"I've never had the need to consider farmwork before," Pantheon said. "But I have no objections if the pony I would be working for has none."
"Wonderful!" Rarity clapped her hooves together. "Let's go see Applejack right away!"
~~~
Rarity led Pantheon to a massive apple orchard on the edge of town. Two pony-shaped blobs, one orange and the other red, could be seen in the distance.
As they drew closer, Pantheon could see that the two ponies were bucking the trees, causing apples to rain down into several baskets placed below. A cart rested nearby, presumably to carry the baskets away in.
Once they were within hailing distance, Rarity called, "Hello Applejack!" The orange pony looked up from her work, then did a double take upon seeing Pantheon. The warrior was mildly surprised to see curiosity in her gaze instead of the fear most ponies showed.
"Howdy Rarity," Applejack said, removing her hat to wipe the sweat from her brow. "Is this the alien Pinkie Pie was telling me about?"
Pantheon opened his mouth to protest being called an alien, but closed it again when he realized the description was not inaccurate. "Yes, his name is Pantheon," Rarity explained.
"Pleasure to meet you, Pantheon," Applejack said, offering a hoof for him to shake. The mare's grip was surprisingly strong and the force behind the shake was impressive.
"He came to my boutique earlier and asked if I knew where he could find work," Rarity continued. "I seem to remember you commenting about how you could always use some help around the farm."
"Is that so?" Applejack studied the man, taking in his armor and size. "You look like a hard worker, but do you think you're up to the task?"
Pantheon smirked. "I've never met a challenge I couldn't overcome," he boasted.
"Ah reckon you figure yourself to be pretty strong," Applejack said. "Think you could beat Big Mac here in a hoof wrastle?"
If Pantheon was correct in assuming that a hoof wrestle was the same as an arm wrestle, then he was absolutely certain he would win. No man on Runeterra had ever come close to matching Pantheon's sheer strength. "It would be my pleasure."
One of the empty wooden baskets was overturned to be used as a table. Big Mac, who certainly lived up to his name being a full head taller than any other pony Pantheon had seen so far, took his position across from the warrior. "Are you prepared to be defeated?" Pantheon asked, setting his spear and shield down and bringing his arm into place.
"Eenope," Big Mac replied defiantly, taking the man's hand with his hoof.
"Are y'all ready?" Applejack asked. Both the man and the pony gave an affirmative. "Then go!" Both combatants immediately began straining against each other.
To Pantheon's surprise, Big Mac's hoof did not instantly go down. In fact, it seemed to be an even match. Beads of sweat broke out across the man's brow and with a grunt of effort he began slowly to force his hoof down, inch by inch. Big Mac snorted, steam coming out of his nostrils, and with a titanic push managed to halt Pantheon's advance.
Pantheon's eyes widened imperceptibly as his hand was slowly pushed back towards the vertical. Big Mac's momentum died off once the fight reached its starting position again, and the stallion was unable to gain any more ground. Pantheon's eyes narrowed into a determined glare, which he focused on his opponent. His glare was met with one just as fierce.
Sweat ran in rivers down the two, collecting under Pantheon's armor and matting Big Mac's fur. Neither of them could tell how long they'd been straining against each other, and neither of them truly cared. The match had turned into a test of endurance and would take as long as it needed to.
As focused as they were on their competition, neither of them noticed the small pony run up to the two mares watching. The mares tried for several moments to get their attention, but it wasn't until Applejack bucked both of their heads that they payed her any mind. "What's up, sis?" Big Mac asked calmly. Pantheon was not nearly as calm as the stallion about having their match interrupted, but held his tongue upon seeing a distressed filly being comforted by a worried-looking Rarity.
"Scootaloo says a pack of timberwolves have trapped Applebloom and Sweetie Belle in their clubhouse!" Applejack nearly shouted.
"Timberwolves?" Big Mac sounded alarmed. "What're they doing outside the forest?"
Applejack sounded frantic. "Ah don't know, but the clubhouse's door won't keep 'em out forever! We've got to help them!"
"Where is this clubhouse?" Pantheon interjected.
Applejack pointed further into the orchard. If Pantheon wasn't mistaken the Everfree Forest was that way too. "About half a mile that way," she said. "But I don't know what..." she trailed off when the earth started to rumble slightly.
All the dirt and dust in a circle a few meters wide around Pantheon was drawn inwards, as if caught in a breeze. The ponies stared in confusion towards the man, who was gathering his strength for what the League of Legends called his "ultimate ability". With a shout Pantheon released all his energy into a mighty leap. He shot almost straight up like a bullet, trailing dust high into the sky.
The ponies watched his form shrink to a speck in less than a second in slack-jawed awe. Applejack was the first to break the silence with a whistle. The mare turned to her brother. "Y'know," she told him, "I reckon he might've gone easy on you."
To a minimal degree, Pantheon was able to direct himself as he fell so that he landed closer to where he wanted to be, giving him a margin of error of about thirty feet in any given direction from where he would have landed normally. Of course, that still required him to have an accurate idea of where he needed to land in the first place.
In the League of Legends he had a summoner relaying directions to him constantly and on an open battlefield he could simply see where he needed to go. Jumping over the apple orchard he had neither outside help nor direct line of sight so was forced to rely on the unspecific directions given to him by Applejack.
That is to say, he missed his mark completely.
Instead of landing on or near the timberwolves, crushing them mercilessly underfoot, Pantheon came crashing down a good hundred feet away. Of course that didn't deter the warrior. Pantheon had seen a structure built into a tree, which he assumed was his intended target, during his descent and swiftly ran the rest of the way.
Belatedly, Pantheon realized he hadn't remembered to retrieve his spear and shield after his and Big Mac's arm wrestling match was interrupted. While he was slightly upset by his own carelessness, Pantheon was not worried about the wolves. He was perfectly capable in hand-to-hand combat.
Pantheon counted at least a dozen wolflike figures prowling around the base of the clubhouse. The wooden nature of the beasts came as a surprise to the warrior, he had expected them to be flesh and blood, but all things considered they weren't the strangest thing he had seen during the last few days.
The sudden appearance of Pantheon's imposing figure startled the wolves, causing all but a few to divert their attention away from the clubhouse. Several wolves hesitated, unsure what to make of the new arrival, giving the man all the opening he needed.
With a mighty bellow Pantheon jumped at the closest wolf, grabbing it by the scruff of its neck. The wooden animal yelped as it was lifted from the ground, flailing its limbs wildly. Pantheon ignored the beast's struggling and threw its flailing form into one of its fellows. To the man's surprise, instead of being stunned by the blow like expected, both wolves broke apart into sticks at the impact.
"If they all go down that easily," he mused, kicking a few of the sticks towards the rest of the pack as a challenge, "then this won't take long at all." The wolves snarled in reply. Pantheon's display had drawn their attention entirely away from the clubhouse, and he could see two pairs of frightened eyes peering through a window at him.
The wolves took his momentary distraction as their cue to attack. Utilizing the coordination characteristic of their fleshy counterparts, the pack split apart in an attempt to surround the lone warrior.
Pantheon nearly laughed when he realized their plan. "You seek to surround me?" he scoffed. "That might work against your usual prey, but I am no mere beast!"
With a small jump -by his standards- to the side, Pantheon was able to intercept one of the wolves looking to flank him. Before the beast could react to the man's sudden movement, it found itself with a fist lodged inside of its chest cavity. Pantheon was moving to attack the next wolf even before the first had finished falling apart.
In short order Pantheon dealt with most of the remaining timberwolves. One solid blow was all it took for him to turn them into piles of sticks. Pantheon grinned and cracked his knuckles at the two remaining timberwolves. "Who's next?" he asked menacingly.
The two final wolves shared a look, one of them nodded to the other... and then promptly dissolved into piles of sticks. "Giving up already?" Pantheon taunted. "Cowardly twigs."
He turned towards the clubhouse to check on its occupants, but was interrupted by the arrival of Applejack, Big Mac, Rarity and Scootaloo. "Hello there!" he called to the rapidly approaching ponies. "Those timberwolves didn't put up much of a fight. Almost pitiful, really."
The ponies screeched to a halt just outside the clearing Pantheon and the clubhouse were in. "Uh, you sure about that?" Applejack asked. She and the other two ponies backed away a few steps uncertainly.
"Of course I am," Pantheon said, confused why the ponies were looking at him, or rather behind him, with expressions bordering on fear. "They fell apa-"
Something massive struck the man from behind, cutting him off and sending him flying into an apple tree. If not for his armor, Pantheon might not have survived the blow. As it was, he knew he would be feeling that in the morning.
Pantheon's eyes focused on the source of the strike. A massive timberwolf, easily a dozen feet high at the shoulder, stood in the middle of the clearing. The ground was bare of any sticks, so Pantheon surmised the remains of the timberwolf pack had assembled into this monstrosity while his back was turned.
"Well now." Pantheon stood up and dusted himself off. "That's more like it."
A light tap on his shoulder caused Pantheon to turn his head to see Big Mac holding his spear and shield. "You might want these," Big Mac said.
Pantheon gave the stallion a nod of thanks before taking his equipment. The giant timberwolf watched the exchange patiently, waiting for Pantheon to cross its invisible aggro line before attacking again.
The wolf didn't have to wait long since Pantheon charged right back in, shield held high and spear ready to strike. The wolf growled deeply and met the man's charge with a leaping bound of its own.
A loud crash filled the air when several tons of wood collided with Pantheon's sturdy shield. Pantheon's knees buckled under the weight, bringing him to the ground violently. The wolf's wooden claws splintered apart and its forelegs cracked from the strain. Somewhere in the confusion Pantheon's spear found itself lodged in the wolf's shoulder while several shards of wood found their way around the man's shield to pepper his unarmored arms and legs with cuts.
The wolf backed away, walking with a noticeable limp, allowing Pantheon time to stagger to his feet. "That was quite the blow," Pantheon said to the wolf. "You should feel proud." To his surprise, the wolf acknowledged his words with a nod of its own.
The giant timberwolf gripped the spear stuck into its shoulder with its teeth. With a jerk of its head, the spear -and a sizable chunk of wood- broke free. The wolf tossed the spear behind itself, well out of Pantheon's reach. It then began to prowl closer to the man.
"You'd have been better off leaving that in," Pantheon commented. The wolf's limp looked considerably worse than it was before it removed the spear. "One good hit and I think that leg's coming off," he warned. The wolf snarled in defiance, continuing its slow but steady advance.
Pantheon shrugged. It seemed to him like the wolf was hell-bent on continuing the fight to the end. "Your funeral."
As soon as the timberwolf reached melee distance Pantheon acted. With as much strength as he could muster, Pantheon slammed the edge of his shield into the underside of the timberwolf's jaw. Splinters flew everywhere and the beast reeled back, stunned. Halting the momentum of his shield, Pantheon reversed its direction and brought it crashing back down into the wolf's injured shoulder, severing the limb completely in a shower of splinters.
Unable to remain standing after Pantheon's assault the wolf crashed to the ground, falling to pieces as it did so. "Stay down this time," Pantheon growled at the pile of wood.
Pantheon retrieved his spear and turned to see the ponies staring at him with various expressions of shock or disbelief. He ignored the group that had followed him there, instead electing to check up on the two fillies hiding in the clubhouse. "Are you two alright?" he asked through the window.
"Y-yes," came the shaky reply. "We're okay."
"Well that's good." Pantheon smirked. Applejack and Rarity had recovered their wits enough to remember that their sisters were in the clubhouse. "But I'm not the one who needs to hear that." Pantheon stepped away from the clubhouse's entrance to let the two worried mares, plus one stallion and filly, through.
The man's attention was drawn away from the relieved sisters by the arrival of several armored pegasi. Their leader, or who Pantheon assumed was the leader based on the gaudiness of his armor, approached the man. "Are you the being known as 'Pantheon'?" he asked in a hostile tone.
Pantheon eyed the orange coated pony critically. He sounded young. Too young to rank as an officer in any military organization Pantheon was familiar with. Furthermore, his armor was shiny, spotless and showed no sign of ever being worn in battle, speaking volumes about the pony's inexperience. Pantheon decided that it was safe to say the ponies stood no chance in a fight against him.
"Yes I am," Pantheon stated. "And who are you?" The armored ponies relaxed slightly once they realized Pantheon was not hostile.
The lead pony removed his helmet, revealing a blue mane. "My name's Flash Sentry," he said. "And we've been sent here by Princess Celestia to request an audience."
The fanciful architecture showcased in Rarity's Carousel Boutique were but a shadow of the splendor of the ponies' capitol city of Canterlot. Even the poorer districts, what would be called "slums" in other -lesser- cities, displayed an attention to detail the likes of which Pantheon had never seen.
The man spent most of his time being lead through the city's streets admiring the sights and pointedly ignoring the many stares and whispers he received from the ponies he passed. If Ponyville and Canterlot were any judge of pony society, Pantheon could expect the stares wherever he went.
Eventually the quartet of guards lead Pantheon to the center of the city where Canterlot Castle resided. He barely had time to gawk at the castle before Flash Sentry ushered him inside and into an ornate throne room. A dozen guardsponies in shiny golden armor lined the walls leading up to a modest golden throne. A burly unicorn clad in shining purple armor stood next to the throne, likely an adviser of some sort, and seated upon the throne itself was a large white pony, large enough that Pantheon would mistake her for a horse if not for the colorful mane and intelligent eyes. A golden tiara adorned the white pony's head, who Pantheon idly noticed had both wings and horn, and she held herself with a grace befitting royalty.
"Thank you, Flash Sentry," she said. Flash Sentry and Pantheon's three other escorts bowed once before moving to the side and joining the line of guards along the wall. The white pony, Pantheon remembered Flash Sentry referring to a princess on their way here and wondered if this was who he was talking about, took a moment to study the visitor to her castle. Pantheon returned her gaze and for a moment their eyes locked. Behind the regal airs of leadership Pantheon saw vast amounts of power, more power than he had ever seen in an individual, along with the skill and experience required to wield that power effectively. In short, if the two were to fight Pantheon would be severely outclassed.
Silence weighed heavy in the air for a moment until it was broken by the pony. "Greetings," she said, "I am Princess Celestia, regent of Equestria, and I would like to extend to you an official welcome to our lands."
Pantheon bowed his head respectfully. "Well met, Princess. I am known as Pantheon, mightiest warrior of the Rakkor and champion in the League of Legends." A thought came to Pantheon. Was he still a champion in the League? He didn't know how summoning magic worked or if it could reach to whatever world Ryze had banished him to.
Celestia for her part merely nodded in acknowledgement to Pantheon's greeting before jumping right into the reason she called him there. "I hear you come from a world of violence," she said, "I trust you won't hurt my ponies?"
"I will not harm any pony unless they give me reason," Pantheon immediately replied. "Besides, aggression would interfere with my studies." Celestia raised an eyebrow in confusion, prompting Pantheon to continue. "I'm learning how to bake. I believe you know my teacher, one Pinkie Pie, national hero."
"You're learning to bake?" Celestia asked with mild amusement.
"Yes, to bake," Pantheon deadpanned.
Celestia let out a small chuckle before saying, "Never the less, I will be forced to take action if you do end up harming any of my little ponies, regardless of your friendship with Miss Pie."
"I would fully expect you to," Pantheon said. "As regent of this country it should be your duty to protect your people, and honestly, you're the only pony I've seen so far that would stand a chance against me in combat. Single or otherwise." One of the guards lining the walls let out a disbelieving snort. Pantheon glanced at the offending pony to see that it was none other than Flash Sentry.
"What about my guards? They're the best trained fighting force in the world."
Pantheon's eyes met Flash's and both focused their best glares at the other. Not two seconds passed before Flash looked away. "Training only goes so far," Pantheon said, not taking his eyes off of Flash. "I can see in their eyes that they lack experience."
"What of Captain Shining Armor?" Celestia asked motioning to the purple clad unicorn standing next to her. "He repelled an invading army almost on his own. That has to count for some bit of experience." From her tone Pantheon couldn't tell if Celestia was enjoying their conversation or preparing to turn him to paste.
Hoping for the former, Pantheon decided to continue being honest. "'Shining armor' in and of itself is a sign of inexperience," Pantheon explained, "through trials a knight's armor becomes dirtied and dinged up, each blemish shows a lesson learned and a battle won. Unless I see evidence to the contrary I have confidence that your guard poses no threat to me."
Princess Celestia smiled. Pantheon nearly sighed in relief when he realized she wasn't about to smite him. "You have more wisdom than you let on, Pantheon of the Rakkor."
"My wisdom was earned through experience." Pantheon motioned to the many small dents and scrapes covering his armor. 'Shining' was the last adjective anyone would use to describe the enchanted bronze. "And it doesn't extend much beyond the field of battle."
A thoughtful look crossed the Princess's face for a brief moment. She motioned Shining Armor closer to her and the two conversed softly for a short time. After a few seconds Celestia sent him away. Once again addressing Pantheon she asked, "What would you think about sharing your 'wisdom' with my royal guardsponies?"
"Are you asking me to train them or fight them?" he asked. Celestia opened her mouth to answer but Pantheon cut her off. "Because if you're asking for training then I'm afraid you're out of luck."
Celestia's face remained impassive, but Pantheon could detect a slight bit of disappointment lining her voice. "And may I ask why that is?"
"My people, the Rakkor, begin training our bodies for combat as soon as we are able to walk." Pantheon's voice held no trace of boast or exaggeration, only a statement of fact. "By the age of six a child is expected to be proficient in at least one manner of melee weapon or martial art, preferably more. Upon coming of age, two teens battle to the death for the right to bear a relic-weapon."
Pantheon's eyes gazed coldly out from underneath his helmet. "If I were to train one of your ponies, I would have to do it right. So unless you are willing to give me infants to train or are able to turn back the clock for one of your existing guards, then I will not be training any pony."
"I see..." Celestia was silent for a moment, obviously thinking hard. "And you are adamant about this?"
Pantheon gave a single sharp nod.
"Then I believe that just about concludes our business together." Pantheon nodded again and prepared to leave. "Oh, and Pantheon!" Celestia added. "Since you are technically a threat to my ponies, I'm going to have to assign a guard to watch you. To make sure you don't bring harm to anypony and... who knows, he might learn something if he pays enough attention. I hope you understand."
Pantheon could see the smirk on Celestia's face as clear as day. While not as good as formal training, watching the man in action could still improve a guard's fighting skill. What's more, he couldn't protest without incurring the ire of the one pony he seriously did not want to piss off. "Of course I understand," he said through gritted teeth.
"Wonderful!" she said. "And I know just the pony for the job. I believe you're already acquainted with him." Pantheon furrowed his brow. The only guardspony he had said two words to was Flash Sentry. Pantheon glanced to the orange pegasus. The look of dawning realization on Flash's face let Pantheon know he wasn't alone in his conclusions.
Pantheon nervously fiddled with the frilly pink apron draped carefully over his armor. It had been Pinkie's idea for him to wear it as well as the baker's hat perched jauntily atop his helmet. Something about "getting into the true spirit of baking."
"Flash shouldn't be taking this long," he muttered with a glance towards the closed door the orange guardspony had bolted through. Pantheon had been using Flash Sentry as a sort of taste tester for the things he baked, another of Pinkie's ideas, so that Pantheon didn't have search town for someone to give him an "unbiased" opinion of his baking.
According to Flash, Pantheon's skills were "steadily approaching tolerable levels."
Finally, after an incredibly long four minutes, Pantheon heard the sound of a flushing toilet. A few seconds later a slightly more green than orange Flash Sentry emerged from the bathroom.
Seeing the state his baking had put the guard in, Pantheon heaved a great sigh. "That bad?" he asked.
The look Flash gave him said more than words ever could. Just in case his point hadn't gotten across, the pony walked to the mostly full tray of croissants and vehemently hurled them -tray and all- into the nearest trash can, then lit the trash can on fire and stomped on the burning remains.
Pantheon watched Flash's nonverbal tirade with a shocked look hidden underneath his helmet. "I... see," he managed to say.
Flash ignored the man. Apparently not satisfied yet, Flash spat on the ashes then swept the charred remains into a bag, grabbed a shovel, and walked outside to bury the remains in a place nopony would ever find them. At the doorway he paused to level a deadly serious look towards the immobile warrior. "Let us never speak of this again," he said.
Pantheon could only nod dumbly.
~~~
Several hours later the two were seated at one of Ponyville's many outdoor cafes. Pantheon had suggested they visit Sugarcube Corner for a meal after his latest disastrous attempt at cooking but Flash had shot him down, claiming the man's horrendous baking had turned him off of pastries for the time being.
"You seem remarkably relaxed about your duties compared to the other Equestrian guards I've seen," Pantheon remarked as their food arrived. He had been mildly dismayed, but not remarkably surprised, to find that the ponies were entirely vegetarian. He would make due with the cafe's salad for now. He could always go hunting later if the need arose.
Flash took a bite of his own meal, a sandwich featuring some sort of flower, before replying. "How do you mean?"
"He means you're not being all statue-like and emotionless like your buddies up in Canterlot!" Pinkie Pie chirped. Both Pantheon and Flash startled at the mare's sudden appearance. Pantheon's arm was halfway towards grabbing his weapons before he realized who the sudden intruder was. "You're like, waaay more talkative and you actually make expressions and stuff! See, you're making an expression now!"
The completely flabbergasted expression on Flash's face slowly morphed into one of confusion. "I... erm, what?"
"Exactly!" Pinkie exclaimed. She pointed a hoof right into Flash's face. "You're completely un-unflappable!" Pinkie reached below the cafe's table to produce a sandwich identical to the one Flash had before him, including the missing bite, before swallowing it whole.
Pantheon coughed into a hand to draw attention away from the pink pony. Flash jumped as if he'd forgotten about the man's presence. "You seem undisciplined in comparison to your statuesque counterparts in the capital. And, now that I think about it, why are you orange?" Pantheon eyed the armored stallion. He was most definitely orange. "I recall every guard I encountered with the exception of yourself on my trip to Canterlot to be in possession of either a white or a gray coat."
Flash glanced nervously towards the smiling Pinkie Pie before forcing himself to ignore her. His tone took on a slightly mechanical tone, as if he was regurgitating information someone had told him on multiple occasions as he answered Pantheon's questions. "The 'stoic brick wall' attitude is a means of ensuring a guard isn't distracted from his post while on duty, not a fun section of basic training if you ask me, and the uniform color comes from an enchantment on our armor." To demonstrate Flash tapped the gem studded in the center of his armor's breastplate. With a glimmer Flash's coat lost its hue and brightened into an unremarkable white. A second flash reverted it to its orange color. "Its used when anonymity is necessary. It's possible that a single guard could be the target of somepony with malicious intent, an event which is stymied by making it impossible to tell which guard is which."
Flash's voice lost the "I was trained to say this" quality and slipped back into his more informal tone. "My job here's to make sure you don't hurt ponies. I don't need to be anonymous about it, especially since you already know who I am."
"Anywhoo," Pinkie said. "I was just stopping by to deliver these invitations! They're for a party which may or may not be an overdue welcome party in honor of Ponyville's newest resident and his faithful sidekick slash guard. Normally I'd throw a welcome party as soon as a new pony came to town, but I may or may not have been able to do that for various indeterminable reasons. You guys may or may not be the guests of honor, and it may or may not be a surprise party you may or may not be supposed to know about!"
Pantheon and Flash found themselves holding onto a pair of pink envelopes decorated with hearts and swirls. "Goodbye now!" Pinkie chirped and bounced away.
"So... um." Flash's eyes were locked on the spot Pinkie had occupied. "That was..." At a loss for words, he opened the envelope in his hooves. "You're invited to a super-duper extra splenderifically special party!" the invitation exclaimed.
"Indeed," Pantheon agreed. He was also looking at his invitation. "Seven PM at Sugarcube Corner," Pantheon read.
"Are you gonna go?" Flash asked. He reached for his sandwich only to discover it was missing. In its place was a small note with the words "Sorry I ate your sandwich, have a cupcake!" written in curly letters resting against a cupcake adorned with an apologetic face. With a shrug Flash popped the cupcake into his mouth. The contrast between Pinkie and Pantheon's baking only made the already delicious cupcake taste even better to the pegasus.
Seeing the fate of the pony's meal, Pantheon was quick to consume the rest of his salad before Pinkie could take it away too. "I don't see why not," he said between bites.
Flash glanced to the nearby clock tower. It was one fifteen in the afternoon. "Well, what're you gonna do until then?" he asked.
Pantheon gave the cupcake crumbs lying on Flash's plate a thoughtful look. "I'll be the first to admit that my baking is inadequate."
"Buddy, my job here is to protect ponies from you. If your baking was any worse I'd need to stop anypony from eating it for their own safety."
"Which is why I need to improve. I doubt Pinkie Pie is available to instruct me at the moment. In fact, Sugarcube Corner is probably off limits to us until the party." Pantheon tapped his fingers against the table thoughtfully. Pinkie and her employers, the Cakes, were the only bakers he knew in Ponyville.
"You could always, I dunno, read a book or something," Flash suggested.
Pantheon thought on that for a moment. "Yes, that is an idea," he said. He stood up from his seat. "To the library then."
The Ponyville library had several helpful books on the art of baking. Twilight Sparkle was more than happy to help Pantheon find which books might be the most helpful to him. Pantheon selected the single most promising looking book, Baking for Beginners; a Step By Step Guide, and, after a quick check of the nearby clock showed there was still some time before Pinkie's "surprise" party, sat down to read it.
Meanwhile Flash Sentry looked about for something to do. While he knew that one could find all sorts of helpful information in them, books weren't normally his thing. He much preferred comic books, with their colorful pictures and fantastical action scenes. In fact, it was actually a particularly well-made comic about the Royal Guard, coupled with a healthy dose of thrill-seeking, which had inspired Flash to pursue his career.
Out of the corner of his eye Flash saw the librarian approaching. He thought he recognized her from somewhere, but he couldn't quite think of where that could be. Flash figured that he was probably just imagining things. As he turned to face her a flash of color caught his eye.
"Can I help you too?" the librarian asked, drawing Flash's attention away from what he realized was a Power Ponies comic book lying on the table. He couldn't see what issue it was, and resolved to take a closer look at it later.
"No, I'm good," Flash said, then, "Actually, do you have any comic books?"
The librarian looked rather taken aback by the question. "No," she said. "We only have regular books here." The way she emphasized made Flash realize that the librarian thought comics weren't worth her time, which instantly made Flash dislike her a little bit.
"Well what about that one?" Flash pointed out the comic on the table.
The librarian looked where Flash was pointing and narrowed her eyes at the comic book. "That's my assistant, Spike's," she raised her voice with each word, until she was shouting at the ceiling like a crazy person, "Which he shouldn't be leaving lying around!"
A muffled voice shouted back from somewhere upstairs, "Sorry!" Flash immediately decided that this "Spike" sounded like a cool dude, and wanted to talk about comics with him later. "It won't happen again!"
The librarian huffed in annoyance. "Anyways, like I was saying..." she trailed off when she realized Flash Sentry had stopped paying attention to her and was walking towards the comic book on the table.
A small grin spread accross Flash's muzzle when he realized that the comic was an issue he hadn't read yet. Grabbing it up, he pulled a chair over next to Pantheon and started reading it.
~~~
Time passed swiftly for Pantheon and Flash Sentry. Before they knew it, Twilight was reminding them that it was time to head over to Sugarcube Corner for their "surprise" party. Pantheon and Flash set out for the party together with Twilight Sparkle and Spike. As they walked Pantheon noticed that not a single pony was out and about. From what he had heard of Pinkie Pie's parties, it was likely all of the ponies were lying in wait for him in Sugarcube Corner.
Out of consideration for Pinkie Pie's feelings, Pantheon decided to at the very least act surprised.
From the outside, Sugarcube Corner looked unoccupied. Curtains were drawn and shutters were shuttered, but, Pantheon's sharp eyes picked out a few peeking pony faces monitoring his approach through the gaps. The watching faces swiftly vanished when Pantheon's group neared the building.
Pantheon stepped up to the bakery's door and paused for a moment to listen. Quiet giggling and the sounds of a benign ambush ready to spring reached his ears. Without further ado, Pantheon shoved open the door to find...
A party that was already in full swing. Ponies were chatting around snacks, playing games, and overall having a great time. Pantheon blinked.
"Wasn't this supposed to be a surprise party?" he asked rhetorically, scratching the top of his helmet in confusion.
"Well, duh!" Pinkie exclaimed. Flash Sentry let out a yelp of shock at the pink mare suddenly standing before the group. "But since you were already expecting a surprise, I thought to myself, 'Hmm, how can I surprise that totally un-surprisable man if he totally suspects a surprise party?' and then I came up with a brilliant plan! What if I dropped some subtle hints that this would be a surprise party, but then it wasn't actually a surprise party, but a normal party instead?"
"That's actually rather brilliant," Twilight remarked. Pinkie beamed at the compliment.
Pinkie then turned her suddenly steely gaze upon Pantheon. "Well, Mr. Un-surprisable, were you surprised?"
Pantheon managed to keep a straight face, an act aided in no small part by the fact that his helmet hid most of his face, and said, "I can tell you with perfect honesty, that..." he purposely trailed off to admire the pink mare's growing glower. He had fought with and against entire armies that had less concentrated menace than she was displaying with her gaze alone. "...this was the most surprised I've been in quite some time."
The impressive glare melted right off of Pinkie's face, replaced instantly with the exuberant smile she usually wore. "That's fantastic news, Panthy!" Then, as if realizing they were still outside, she bounced into the building while calling over her shoulder, "Come on in and we can get this party started for realsies!"
A small cheer rose from the ponies that heard and Pantheon and Flash were swept into a throng of mostly unfamiliar faces who wished to meet the town's new additions. In the middle of what seemed like an endless meet-and-greet, something about the refreshment table caught his eye.
It was a tray of croissants that looked suspiciously similar to the tray that Flash Sentry had incinerated and buried earlier that day.
Pantheon nudged Flash with an elbow to get his attention and pointed out what he'd discovered. Flash squinted through the crowd but, since he wasn't twice as tall as all the ponies in the room like Pantheon was, couldn't quite make out what was on the table. With an inquisitive look on his face he set out through the crowd to see what it was.
"This will be good," Pantheon said to himself as he watched the guard pick his way through the crowd.
"I know, right?" Pinkie said from beside him. "Popcorn?" She offered him a small paper bag filled with popcorn which he gladly accepted.
Flash reached the table and terrified recognition dawned on his face. "No!" he shrieked, drawing the attention of nearly every pony in the building. "It can't be! I burned you!" He pointed an accusing hoof at the offending baked goods. "I buried you after I burned you!"
Then, one of the croissants started to float into the air. Pantheon and most of the rest of the party goers saw the thin wire holding it aloft, but Flash was apparently too panicked to notice.
"Don't worry Flash Sentry!" Pinkie yelled as she posed heroically. "I'll save you from the evil, ghost croissant!" With catlike grace and an audible "sproing" sound she leapt clear across the room and swallowed the wayward croissant in one gulp. She then smacked her lips and sighed contentedly. "Delicious."
Flash sputtered incoherently at Pinkie's apparent guts of steel. "Don't worry Flash," Pinkie patted the gibbering guard on his withers, "they weren't actually evil, see?" She showed him the wire.
After a few more moments of murmuring Flash was able to pull himself together enough to ask, "But how did you know about the croissants?"
"Silly Flashy," for just an instant the smile on Pinkie's face became incredibly unnerving. It was back to normal so fast that Pantheon nearly didn't notice the change and he doubted that anyone else did. "I know everything."
Pantheon waited with bated breath for Flash's opinion of his newest creation. He had taken the advice of Baking for Beginners into account and hoped that the simple loaf of bread he'd baked would turn out better than the croissant debacle of yesterday. The fact that the pony hadn't immediately ran for the bathroom was a good sign. "Well...?" Pantheon began to ask, but Flash held up a hoof to cut him off, indicating that he hadn't yet finished chewing.
Several deliberate chews later and Flash swallowed the bread with an audible gulp.
Pantheon leaned closer to the pony, eager to hear what he thought. Finally, after several tense seconds, Flash delivered his verdict. "Not bad."
Tension flooded out of Pantheon's posture and he heaved a massive sigh of relief. When Flash took a second bite of his bread Pantheon nearly shed a single tear of joy. Nearly. He hadn't been so proud of an accomplishment since he'd made his first kill as a lad.
A sudden and insistent pounding on the front door broke Pantheon out of his reverie. The door burst open before either of them could react to reveal an excited Pinkie Pie. She bounced inside and exclaimed, "I just got some super-duper terrific-uper news you guys, and I just had to come over and tell you right away! I heard that there's gonna-"
She froze mid-bounce, somehow managing to stop herself cold a few feet off of the ground. Her eyes were locked on the half-eaten loaf of bread in Flash's hoof. She floated down to the ground as softly as a feather. In a very small voice she asked, "Where did you get that bread, Flash?"
Flash's gaze slowly panned from Pinkie over to Pantheon. Pinkie followed his gaze. "Pantheon, did you make that bread?"
Her tone was unreadable, Pantheon didn't know what answer she wanted to hear. After a second of hesitation he tentatively offered, "Yes?"
Less than an instant passed before Pantheon found himself subjected to a bone-crushing hug. "Oh, I'm so happy for you, Panthy!" Pinkie squealed. "Your baking's come so far already! I just know you'll become a master baker in no time at all!"
The incredible pressure of Pinkie's hug around Pantheon's middle suddenly vanished and he staggered back a step before regaining his balance. The pink mare instead latched herself around Flash Sentry. The unexpected hug forced the breath from Flash's lungs and he dropped the bread. Before the half-eaten loaf could hit the ground one of Pinkie's hind hooves shot out and snagged it. With unnerving dexterity she placed the bread onto a nearby table.
"And don't think I've forgotten about you, Flashy. I know that Panthy wouldn't have made it this far along the path to become a master baker without your unwavering support."
"Unwavering support?" Pantheon mouthed incredulously. Luckily, his ever-present helmet prevented Pinkie from seeing. Out loud he said, "You had something you wished to tell us, Pinkie?"
Pinkie released Flash from her death hug, the stallion flopped to the ground where he immediately started gasping and sputtering for air. "Oh yeah! I almost forgot because I was so happy for you." Somehow, the smile she wore grew even wider. "Princess Cadance announced that there's gonna be a baking contest held in the Crystal Empire. All the greatest bakers from all over Equestria are gonna be there and Cadance asked me to be one of the judges!"
"Good for you, Pinkie," Flash gasped from the ground.
Pinkie thanked the prone pony then looked at Pantheon and, with no warning, her eyes figuratively popped right out of her head. "Ooh, I just had a brilliant idea! Why don't you enter the baking contest, Panth?"
Pantheon looked pointedly at the half-eaten loaf of bread. It was his greatest creation to date and the highest praise it had received was "not bad." He looked back to Pinkie and raised a single eyebrow. He knew that she couldn't see his eyebrow, but it was the thought that counted. "Do you honestly think I would stand a chance?"
She hummed and tapped a hoof to her chin thoughtfully for all of two seconds. "Nope!" she chirped. "But that wouldn't stop it from being both super-duper fun and a fantastic experience! And besides, if you practice a whole bunch over the next two weeks you'll be even better than you are now for the contest."
Pantheon crossed his arms over his breastplate, his eyebrow still raised. "You're not giving me much incentive to enter into a contest which I won't have any chance of winning."
"Please?" Pinkie asked with the biggest, cutest, pleadingest pair of puppy eyes Pantheon had ever seen.
Pantheon was unfazed. If his eyebrow wasn't already raised he would have raised it then.
Pinkie, realizing her normal tactics weren't working, turned her gaze up to eleven complete with lip quiver and crocodile tears forming in the corner of her eyes.
"When have I ever given off the impression that this would work on me?" Pantheon asked Flash rhetorically. Flash didn't respond, since he had been reduced to a twitching, gibbering pile of a stallion mere moments after being caught on the outer fringe of Pinkie's pleading power.
Taking the hint, Pinkie's face immediately returned to normal. Flash breathed a sigh of relief and finally picked himself up off of the ground. "Will you at least come with me to the Crystal Empire to watch the competition? You might learn something from watching the greatest bakers in the land."
Pantheon relented, uncrossing his arms and lowering his eyebrow. "Sure, Pinkie. I'll go to the Crystal Empire with you."
