Shortly after the defeat of Nightmare Moon, Celestia comes to Luna with a question, one that has haunted her for a thousand years.
Shortly after the defeat of Nightmare Moon, Celestia comes to Luna with a question, one that has haunted her for a thousand years. She wants a full and honest answer, no matter how hard the words are to hear.
Of course, sometimes words just aren't enough. Some things in life can only be seen.
Cover art: Forgive me by ElkaArt on DeviantArt. Used with permission.
The Solar Guard had been brutally defeated, half of Everfree City had been burned to ashes, and worst of all, the once glorious sun princess, the beacon of salvation for all her little ponies, had now been struck down one too many times. Celestia’s battered legs trembled as she attempted to stand once more, only to collapse like a puppet with cut strings. Around her lay the Elements of Harmony, strewn in disarray like their wielder. The alicorn tried to levitate the Element of Magic until her depleted magic sputtered and faded. Her cries of pain echoed throughout the dark and desolate Everfree Forest, only to be answered by the shrill, mocking cries of the nocturnal animals while their twisted mistress stood above her.
“Foolish princess,” Nightmare Moon sneered as she stood victoriously above Celestia. “Did you really think you could challenge Us?”
“Luna… please,” Celestia beseeched weakly. “Don’t do this to Equestria. Eternal night… it will cause unimaginable… devastation…” Her head was spinning horribly, most likely due to severe head wound she was sustaining. With every drop of blood she could see her life force draining, just as her spirit was withering with Nightmare Moon’s every advance. “Please… we can fix this… together…”
“Ha! You would say that, wouldn’t you, Celestia?” Nightmare Moon spat. “All I ever was to you was a problem, something that needed to be fixed. I know what you thought; I’ve read the words myself! I was nothing but an annoyance, a hindrance, a mistake to be brushed aside for its unimportance in your quest for glory. We did not rule together. I was nothing to you!”
“That’s not true, Luna,” Celestia cried. “I… love you.”
“It’s a little late for that, isn’t it, sister?!” the twisted mare screeched in rage. “You drank from my tears while I served my heart on a silver platter, and yet you did nothing! You chose yourself over me!”
“I never chose anyone!” Celestia exclaimed. “Harmony—“
“Look around you!” screamed Nightmare Moon, waving a hoof at the scattered Elements of Harmony. “Harmony is dead, sister!”
That struck a chord with Celestia. Harmony had defeated Discord, Harmony had brought the budding nation of Equestria to its peak, but most of all, Harmony was the symbol of everything she and Luna had shared together. Harmony was all she had now. Nightmare Moon could take her money, her title, her heart, or her life, but Harmony was the one thing Celestia would never surrender. If Nightmare Moon wanted it, she’d have to pry it out from Celestia’s dead hooves. She’d never let it go.
“No, it’s not!” Celestia screamed. “As long as I’m alive, I’ll never let my ponies suffer in a world devoid of harmony!” At her valiant words, the shards from the Elements of Harmony swirled around Celestia in a tornado of multi-colored light. In each of the millions of shards, Celestia could see the faces of all her loving subjects, the ponies whose laughter, honesty, kindness, generosity, and loyalty shaped Equestria into a vibrant nation of hope across the whole world. Each and every one of them held a piece of harmony in their hearts, and now that strength was being transferred to Celestia. She wouldn’t let them down, she decided, not when they needed her most.
Even when she had been unable to do so for her own sister.
“Harmony isn’t something you can smother or destroy,” Celestia declared proudly, the six newly reformed Elements forming a ring around her. “It’s a living, breathing force, alive in the hearts of those who believe in its power. And I swear to Faust,” she cried, charging her horn with magical energy, “it’s a power you’re going to learn, Nightmare Moon!”
“You… you would dare use the Elements on your own sister?” said Nightmare Moon mockingly, but now with thinly veiled worry in her voice.
Celestia closed her eyes. “My sister, the sister I knew and cherished, always upheld harmony alongside me. She would never stand for what you are or what you’ve done. You are not my sister, but an abomination of her. So yes, I will not hesitate to use the Elements of Harmony against you.”
“Oh, but you will, Celestia,” Nightmare Moon sneered, advancing towards her. “I know you better than anypony, and I know you’ll be too softhearted to do it. Oh yes, I can tell. You’re just as scared as I once was. Too afraid to risk losing your sister, yet terrified to learn what it means about yourself if you don’t. You can save the ponies or myself, but either way, there’s going to be unimaginable pain for you. There’s no way to win, Celestia, so why don’t you just give up?”
Because I can’t. There always has to be a choice. Of course, in the grand scheme of things, she knew she didn’t really have a choice. Deep in her heart, a decision had already been made. Looking up into those dark turquoise eyes, a broken remembrance of her sister, Celestia whispered, “I’m so sorry, Luna.”
A scream. A spell. A flash of light.
Tilting her head to face the shadow of the moon, Celestia cried.
It was over.
It was over.
The prophesized return of Nightmare Moon had been thwarted, ponies of Equestria had been liberated from the threat of eternal night, the newly recovered Elements of Harmony had been placed in the castle’s highest security vault, official statements had been given to the press, ancient laws regarding the Equestrian diarchy had been reinstated, and the protests of those insufferable Canterlot nobles had been placated. And after such a trying day, one would believe that everything was truly over.
Celestia breathed a sigh of relief as she finally closed the doors of the Solar Court, even though nothing could be further from the truth. Her day wasn’t over, and she knew it, although her official itinerary would say otherwise. Unfortunately though, matters of the heart weren’t things you could neatly package into the most convenient time slot.
“We don’t have time to hear this again, Luna!” Celestia declared from her lofty place on the throne. Her eyes were narrowed into slits of annoyance at yet another pointless distraction.
“But sister,” Luna pleaded, looking incredibly small of forlorn amidst the grandeur of her elder sister’s throne room. “We’ve been working really, really hard on the stars tonight, and We know that if you can just keep the sun down an extra hour – just one little hour! – the ponies of Equestria will really appreciate it! It’s not a big deal, really; it’s like that one time We let you have two extra hours of daylight last… l-last m-month…”
Celestia may have been the princess of the sun, but at that moment, the glare she was giving Luna was one of coldest ice. “You know that was due to the near agricultural disaster we had, or at least you would know if you actually paid attention to our country’s politics! That was due to a practical reason, not a silly display! The ponies of Equestria are practical and hardworking; they don’t have time for those things, and neither do I.”
The younger princess scowled. “Fine,” she pouted as she stormed out of the throne room.
In solitude once more, Celestia leaned back in her throne and sighed. “There just aren’t enough hours in the day…”
Little known to her, Luna would soon be crafting a way in which there’d be none.
But now the time had come, punctual as always, as much as Celestia had wished otherwise. In the back of her mind, she was already formulating excuses to postpone the meeting even further, which, considering the nationwide confusion and disarray, would not take much effort. However, Celestia pushed them all aside. In the past, she had always put her country before her sister, a mistake she had vowed never to repeat. Luna needed her more than Equestria, and Celestia would not deprive her of that right because of her own cowardice. Luna deserved more than that.
Dismissing her guards, the solar princess sighed and turned her hoofsteps towards the newly inhabited Lunar Tower. Her steps were slow and even, creating almost a calming effect as every nerve was screaming for her to run, although whether to or away from her sister, she wasn’t sure.
The trek up the winding staircase felt more like charging an entire army, but sooner than she had thought possible, Celestia arrived at the silver-glided doors of her sister’s chamber, where the answers to all the questions that had tortured her for a thousand years lay inside.
Raising a trembling hoof to the door, Celestia hesitantly knocked, knowing that things were only just beginning.
“Luna?” Celestia called softly as she pushed open the door a crevice. The room was shrouded in darkness, transforming objects into those of undefinable mystery. The only sources of light were the glittering stars that spanned the entire ceiling, and the tiniest sliver of sunlight emerging from the single window, whose curtain had been pushed aside by a delicate navy blue hoof. The hoof connected to the same blue coat, framed by curled and delicate ringlets of hair, which was already beginning to show some of its previous starry luminance, reflected in her gentle turquoise eyes.
It was amazing, really, how young her sister looked, even from a thousand years ago. This was the sister who loved to play in the fields with her, who hugged her when she first earned her cutie mark, and who cried with joy as she was officially coronated as a princess. This was the sister who would call her Tia, who would laugh and sing and cry and smile, and would beg for lullabies and promises that they would always be together. To Celestia, it felt as though she had stepped back in time, back to a time when she could still make everything right, even though such a dream was impossible.
I won’t make the same mistake again, she vowed.
Making sure not to cause any startling noise, Celestia closed the door and made her way over to her newly reunited sister. “I can open the curtains wider, you know,” Celestia offered. “I know that you probably… missed the sun.” Maybe even missed me, she added silently.
When her sister did not respond, Celestia asked, “How long have you been here?”
“We don’t know,” Luna replied, her voice strangely distant. “We like it here. It’s calm. Dark. Quiet. It’s the only place that hasn’t changed over the past thousand years. It makes Us feel safe. Darkness has always been Our only confidant, Our only friend.”
“Luna,” she said upon noticing the single damp streak running down her sister’s cheek. “You’re not… crying, are you?”
At those words, the moon princess forcefully pulled the curtains shut. “We are crying because of the sun in Our eyes,” she declared regally, still using the royal ‘we’ that had been outdated centuries ago. “We are not used to such harsh light on the… during Our banishment. We never looked at the sun then.”
“Forgive Us Our indifference, sister,” Luna added after a while. “One would think that a thousand years of solitude would allow adequate time for inner reflection, but the truth is that We don’t quite know how to feel towards you yet.”
“That is… understandable,” Celestia said, moving ever so slightly closer to her sister’s side. “I also understand why you may not wish to speak to me now. But please, Luna, don’t shut yourself away like this. It’s not healthy for you, just as it wasn’t back then.”
“We believe that is quite the understatement,” Luna spat bitterly.
“Please, Luna, I know this is hard,” Celestia began, “but I can’t bear it when you’re cold to me. Come, maybe we can talk, work this out, for my sake if not yours. Please, I—“
“We, Celestia,” Luna corrected. “You are beginning to sound like a common peasant pony. Tragic that your Royal Canterlot Voice is slipping by the wayside. Do you not remember the days of old?”
I remember the days when the royal we was meant to display our unison, not our separation, Celestia thought.
“Never mind,” the younger alicorn said with a tired sigh. “We suppose you’ll start to tell Us how this is yet another aspect of ponykind that has changed over the millennia. Yet another thing that has made this world an alien planet. This is not the home I expected. You are not the same sister I remembered. But it’s all the same now, I suppose. Perhaps this will make things easier.”
“I don’t understand—“
“You didn’t bring any guards,” Luna noted. “Surprising. We thought you would bring half of your army to face a monster like Us.”
“Sister, you never a monster to me,” Celestia said, her magenta eyes softened in sympathy.
“Oh? We beg to differ,” the dark alicorn rebuffed.
“Release my sister, you monster!” the battered white alicorn cried, her eyes blazing hot white in fury.
“Don’t like what you see, princess?” Nightmare Moon laughed cruelly. “I am the product of your own creation, forged through your cruelty and neglect! I’d say the only monster here is you!”
Celestia couldn’t argue with memories, and thus, she fell silent. As the silence stretched out into minutes, Luna couldn’t help but grow more restless and agitated. The dragging moments seemed to distort her face until it bore an expression of utmost grief and terror.
Finally, Luna cracked under the tension. “Please, Celestia, please do what thou has come to do and leave Our soul in peace already!” Luna cried out in anguish, dropping to her knees, where her entire body trembled under the unknown fear.
“L-Luna, I don’t understand,” Celestia replied, backing away in surprise. “I only came to talk to you, nothing more.”
“No,” Luna moaned. “Stop it, please! Do you not think you have made enough mockery of Us? You have paraded Our defeat, you have made a spectacle out of Us, and now you have taken away even Our last shred of pride and dignity! What more could you desire from Us?”
Tilting back her head, Luna revealed her dilated turquoise eyes, now filled to the brim with tears. “My beloved sister, just kill Us already!”
Celestia’s eyes widened at the sight of her younger sister cowering before her, pleading for death. “Luna, I’m not going to do anything of the sort. I… I’m not here to kill you. I’m here to ask for your forgiveness.”
For the briefest of seconds, Luna’s distraught face was lit with a spark of hope, only to be doused once more by her assumptions. “We… We do not believe you. We have committed treason, attempted mass genocide, and threatened to murder you and overtake the throne. Any of these crimes alone is worthy of the death penalty. We know our punishment. We know what we deserve. We only ask, whether it be in triumph or in hatred, that you remember Us, after We are gone.”
“Luna,” Celestia began, wrapping a comforting wing around the younger alicorn. “My dear, sweet sister Luna. For a thousand years, I have remembered you. You have been with me through every second of every day. My world has been painted with the colors of my memories of you, and my thoughts were filled with the ever-bittersweet melody of your name. I have seen your face through all my joys and sorrows, and I have loved you all the same. Now, all I can do is stand before you, burdened with my shortcomings and failings, and beg for your forgiveness.”
It was Luna’s turn to be taken aback. “You have never sinned against Us, sister.”
“It was a sin of omission,” Celestia lamented, turning her face away from Luna in shame as she agitatedly paced back and forth. “I should have cared for you more, been more open with you! It was because of my distance that you felt you couldn’t confide in me about your troubles. It was my negligence that made you feel unwanted! To think that you had felt like that for years, and I never ever noticed! We were sisters; we promised to love each other always! To think that I… that I…”
“Celestia,” Luna said, still looking out onto the late afternoon sun. “We have harbored bitterness towards you for a thousand years. We are too tired to be angry anymore.”
“I am, too,” the sun mare agreed. “I hope to never have anything come between us again, sister.”
“Of course, Celestia,” Luna replied, her voice distant and absentminded.
“Luna… Can I ask you something?” Celestia asked cautiously, like a filly approaching a fierce and wild dog. Her voice was trembling as all color drained from her face, leaving her looking pallid and sickly in her anxiety.
“You can do whatever you wish with Us,” Luna replied coldly.
“I’ve both hoped for and dreaded this moment for a thousand years, Luna,” Celestia began. “It has haunted me for all these centuries, but I need to know the truth. Call it a weakness if you wish, but I must know… what was it like on the moon? When I… when I sent you away, I had no idea if I had truly banished you or Nightmare Moon. I didn’t know which one was in control of you, or whether things changed as time passed on, or anything, really. I have always hoped that Nightmare Moon was the one I had condemned to suffer. But… if I did… if I did banish you, my sister…”
After several counts of silence, Luna sighed. “It is… complicated,” she finally said. “We are not as separate as you may think. We don’t believe either one of us had full control throughout those years.”
“But were you, well, conscious during it all?” Celestia asked in despair. “I had always hoped your mind was submerged beneath hers, and the time had passed in a dream for you—“
“It did not,” Luna interrupted, her tone hard and unforgiving with the painful truth. “We were awake throughout it all.”
“Oh, my Luna,“ Celestia wailed, horribly distraught, burying her face in her hooves. “What have I done—?”
“Like We said, it is a complicated matter,” Luna repeated impatiently. “We won’t allow you to fully wallow in… well, whatever ponies are supposed to wallow in, until you understand the truth in its entirety. However, We do not believe a simple explanation is enough. Some things can only be seen to be understood.”
Celestia nodded, wiping tears from her eyes.
“Sister, We presume you have cleared all diplomatic affairs for the rest of the evening?”
“Yes,” Celestia replied. “The minute I learned of your return, I cancelled all Solar Court proceedings.”
“Good, because it will take a good amount of time to summon enough magical energy from the two of us to cast this spell.”
“I can’t dreamwalk, Luna—“
“You won’t be delving into Our memories, Celestia,” Luna said, her voice tinged in a penetrating melancholy. “It will be a considerably more real experience than that, one that requires a spell We are sure you are very much familiar with. One that required you to take energy from the Elements of Harmony themselves, and me to spend a thousand years storing up enough magical energy in order to cast. Nearly impossible to do alone, but one we can easily preform together, if you are willing to learn the full, unabridged truth of my exile.”
Celestia gasped in the full realization of what Luna was implying.
“Come along now, sister. We’re teleporting to the moon.”
All were words to describe darkness, and despite what ponies believed, Celestia was no stranger to this. After all, it was only in the darkest hours that the light of her sun could fully shine. Of course, she also had found great beauty and comfort in her sister’s night of shadows. However, the sun princess didn’t think even all the shadows in Equestria combined could convey the absolute darkness that pervaded the dark side of the moon. It was almost a physical force, one that gouged out her eyes and slid like wraiths over her coat. The melancholy wind hissed their songs of lies and grief and madness as it wrapped around and choked her, blocking off Celestia’s terrified scream as the darkness paralyzed her and left her blind.
This isn’t Luna’s power, Celestia realized in horror as she continued to drown in unyielding darkness. This is the power of Nightmare Moon.
Oh, how could I have been so foolish?! she cursed. Of course she wanted to bring me here, far away from the Elements of Harmony, just to kill me! To think I thought Harmony had cured her, to think I thought she had changed…
A pair of midnight-black hooves wrapped around her neck, throttling her further as the evil darkness continued to snake around her with its icy chill of death. As she felt her consciousness slipping away, the pounding of her frantic heart became unbearably loud, drowning out the distant screams of a voice she once knew, with the darkness chanting all the while:
Trespasser, backstabber, traitor to our Lady—
“SILENCE!” Luna commanded, her Royal Canterlot Voice ringing with deafening strength throughout the silent moonscape. “Leave us in peace, dark creatures of Our soul!”
With a hum of magical energy, the world was instantly bathed in a dim indigo light, revealing a horde of shadow wraiths, demons of smoke and shadow with eyes like tunnels and hearts of ice, making them a formidable force to be reckoned with. However, at the presence of light, the wraiths howled in agony at the brightness, shielded their eyes, and fled in terror from the dome of light surrounding the two sisters.
At once, the evil darkness was lifted. Twinkling patterns of stars were now visible, the atmosphere was no longer an empty vacuum, and Celestia’s trembling knees finally gave way as she collapsed.
“Sister, sister!” Luna cried.
Celestia turned around to see that it was indeed Luna, not Nightmare Moon, who had her hooves wrapped around her neck and was shaking her worriedly.
Of course it was her. How could it not be? No wonder Luna believed she was a monster; Celestia thought the very same thing. Celestia’s somber eyes fell downward in shame. That hadn’t been the first time she had failed to trust her sister.
“She… she really said that about me?” Celestia asked, biting her lip to keep from crying.
“I’m afraid so, princess,” answered Lady Diamonds as she levitated her teacup to take another sip.
“But why? I thought Shining Starlight was my friend!” Celestia cried. The newly crowned princess had been looking forward to casual tea with her friend on the gazebo in Everfree Gardens, not to receiving such terrible news as this.
“Until she was able to get you to lend money from the Royal Treasury to pay for that villa in Canterbury, sure,” said the noblemare nonchalantly, readjusting her floppy summer hat to rest on her softly curled teal mane. She daintily sipped her tea and looked out to the gardens. “I must say, Saddle Arabians know how to make heavenly tea, princess.”
“Sunshine, this is important!” Celestia demanded. “What else did she say about me?”
“Well, nothing outright, of course, at least not in public,” Sunshine answered, stressing the last three words that Celestia knew meant a whole bunch of gossip. Not all that discreetly, she glanced left and right, making sure there were no eavesdroppers before leaning in and saying, “but word is that she’s supporting Princess Luna instead of you.”
Celestia raised her eyebrows in confusion. “Wait, so what’s the difference? Luna and I rule together. Sure, Starlight may not like me, but she still supports the monarchy, so what’s the problem?”
Sunshine nearly choked on her tea. “Princess, this is a severe problem for you politically! Shining Starlight isn’t the only pony who thinks this. If Princess Luna were to try and undermine you, with the public approval, she’d have no trouble overthrowing you!”
But Celestia only burst out laughing. “A conspiracy theory, Sunshine? Truly? How amusing! I knew you could crack a joke if you tried!” Celestia’s merriment faltered upon noticing her friend’s completely stoic expression. “You… you don’t honestly believe that, do you? Luna is my own sister; she’d never do something like that!”
“You should never be too complacent,” Sunshine chided. “Even blood bonds can be broken.”
“But Luna’s so docile,” Celestia protested. "She's never had so much as a quarrel with me."
“Exactly,” Sunshine agreed triumphantly, flashing Celestia a cunning smile. “That means she’ll be easier to control. She already looks up to you, so just keep that up. Make an arrangement without telling her here, an executive veto there, and you’ll have made sure power leans towards you. Little things can go all long way. As a friend, take my advice on this, princess.”
“I’ll take advice from ponies who treat me like a friend,” Celestia answered, furrowing her brow in irritation. “I thought I asked you to call me Celestia.”
“I’m calling you Princess to remind you that you are one, and you need to start acting like one,” Sunshine replied, her words like a blunt axe. “You’ve more than proven your ability to fight off outside threats, but now you need to figure out how to fight the battles at home. Your enemies aren’t going to be black and white like Discord or Sombra; they’ll be much more deceptive, hiding like changelings in plain sight. Politics is a dangerous war, princess, and a hardened heart is much harder to stab than a soft one. If you’re not ready, they’ll just chop up yours and throw Equestria into an anarchy once again.”
The new princess was lost for words. “I… well… you didn’t have to be so cold about it.”
“Being cold-hearted is the only thing that helped me survive the heated politics of Everfree City,” Sunshine Diamonds said with her usual air of indifference. “I’m not saying to be heartless to your sister, but… don’t be too trusting, either. You have to be able to hold your own. Don’t be afraid to be firm or commanding or distant; that’s how all leaders are. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.”
Celestia’s eyes widened. Sunshine had more experience in these kinds of things than she did. She was so new at this; she couldn’t afford to make a mistake. She wouldn’t even risk that sort of failure, not for the sake of her little ponies. “Are you really sure?” Celestia asked, her breathy voice on the verge of admiration for the sophisticated, confident mare.
“Of course I am,” Sunshine replied with a knowing smile. “Never forget, Celestia, that you can never trust any pony in this world, not when they can leave you. Encase your heart in ice so they can’t take a piece of it when they go. Remember that the only pony you can ever rely on is yourself.”
“Sister, are you alright?” Luna demanded in concern, snapping Celestia out of the memory.
Back in reality, the sun princess jerked her head as if to shake out all thoughts of Sunshine Diamonds. She wondered what Sunshine would think of her now, defenseless on enemy territory and trusting her formerly evil sister with her life. “Y-Yes, I believe so,” Celestia answered as she stood up and looked around the now deserted moonscape, devoid of the shadows that had just assaulted her. “What were those things?”
Luna hung her head in shame. “Creatures of the Nightmare Dreamscape,” she replied. “Remnants of my evil power. Forgive Us, please; We did not intend them to be here.”
“How long have they existed here?” Celestia inquired.
“A thousand years,” Luna answered simply.
“How did I never learn of them before?”
At this, Luna shot her sister a scathing, bitter look. “It is truly amazing, how ponies never notice things that turn their backs on the sun. All the darkness, all the pain, it all gets brushed aside, as if it never existed at all. It is a deadly curse, for perhaps those most desperate to hide need only require the luminance of day. You should know that better than anypony. But come now. What We have to show you can only be seen in your light.”
With a heavy sigh of submission, Celestia nodded and fell in step behind Luna as she led them through the grey sea of endless dust and ashes. While the moon was still enveloped in darkness, the pale luminance of Luna’s horn allowed them to see the path ahead reasonably enough.
As they walked along in silence, Celestia couldn’t help but notice a subtle change in Luna compared to back home. Luna was no longer clumsily bumping into ponies or meekly hiding behind Celestia or gazing out to the horizon with a wistful look in her eyes. No, this Luna’s eyes were filled with a confidence and determination that only came with purpose. Her delicate hooves glided over the uneven terrain as she held her head high, her fast-returning ethereal mane making her look all the more majestic. She was one with the moon, was in her element once more, and while melancholy still clung to her eyes, it was overpowered with a sense of belonging.
Meanwhile, the sun princess took in what little sights of this strange moon she could see and pondered what it must have been like for Luna to live in such a desolate place for so long. To remain in such absolute isolation must have been such a torturous existence, and Celestia wondered if Luna had ever gone mad with loneliness.
That happened long before she went to the moon, Celestia, a spiteful voice inside her head hissed. You only made it worse.
“Luna,” Celestia murmured tentatively, “if you don’t mind me asking, I… I just wanted to know… that is, if it’s alright…”
“Speak up, sister,” the younger princess commanded, her voice gentle yet strangely distant. “We told you before; We want to unveil the truth of our exile to you. No matter how painful the memory, it will be divulged to you.”
“But do you even have concrete memories of this place?” Celestia asked. “What could you have possibly done here that would have been worth remembering?”
“Many things,” Luna answered, gazing listlessly out to the unseen horizon. “Mostly We just wandered and thought about millions of things not worth mentioning, but there were other events too, meaningless things We devised to not just kill time, but to slay the eternal battlefield of empty centuries. For a while, We were obsessed with counting, though We could never bear to count the time. At one point, We believe We had numbered over 152 million stars in the sky and at least nine thousand craters on the moon. Then, when We were tired of that, We switched over to mathematics. We probably devised at least five hundred new theorems just in Our head, though We have forgotten most of them. We liked numbers. They were orderly, logical. They helped keep Us sane.
“Of course, it didn’t do all that much when faced with utter madness brought on by solitude. When We weren’t devising impossible schemes to exact revenge on you, We would often scream death threats to you in Our madness. Of course, it wasn’t as though We wouldn’t have liked to be dead as well. We tried everything, from continuously running across the moon to the point of exhaustion, to ramming Ourselves repeatedly against a crater wall, but you know it takes more than that to kill an alicorn. We remember once digging a ten-meter hole in the moon and burying Ourselves alive for decades. It was the insanity of standing at the station in wait for a carriage that would never come. It came to the point where We wanted to kill Ourselves just for the sake of having something to do. We didn’t really care about anything anymore.
“We think the only reason why We lived was that We cared about you. In hate or love, you mattered to Us. You were the mare that made Us cry.”
“Stop here,” Luna said after a while, so quietly that it would have been inaudible if not spoken in a completely silent world. Wordlessly, Celestia halted to a standstill next to her sister, and together the two alicorn goddesses that brought life to the planet stood alone, the triumphant survivors against the backdrop of a world of death and darkness.
As minutes passed and the moon continued to turn on its axis, Celestia was able to see her sun slowly creep over the horizon, staining the sky pastel pinks and oranges before dramatically rising as a blazing of fiery gold that smiled down on the alicorn sisters with boundless light and love that shattered the darkness.
And for the first time in her life, Celestia was completely overcome with the magnificent beauty of her sun, so lovely and wonderful and perfect that it almost brought tears to her eyes. Celestia tilted her head upward to meet its glowing, shining face, risen not by her own power, but by a natural, cosmic rhythm that was old as time and mysterious in its boundless wonder. She spread her soft feather wings wide as if to catch the power of those sunbeams and fly away, far beyond the cold, horrible moon and—
“Look down, Celestia,” Luna prodded, looking at her now enraptured sister with a combination of exasperation and resentment.
Coming back to her senses once more, Celestia abashedly folded her wing and pried her eyes away from the sun. She took several steading breaths, implementing the calming technique she had once taught her niece Cadence, and braced herself for the gut-wrenching shock she knew could only await her now.
Celestia looked down to the ground and gasped.
The moon was covered in words.
Now aided by the light of the sun, Celestia could see the flat grey expanse of the moon was entirely obscured by words, like a child trying to cram a thousand sentences on a single page. Some letters were jagged trenches ten feet wide, while others were minute scrapes no longer than a hair’s breadth. Many words were jumbled and overlapped onto others, at times forming a scribbling mess of incoherency. The styles ranged from Luna’s elegant calligraphy to messy scrawls, marking her rapid descent into madness.
“Well, go on then,” Luna said, averting her eyes in favor of looking out towards the dark side of the moon behind her. “You wanted the truth, did you not? Read them.”
Celestia knelt down to the moondust and traced her hoof in wonder over the numerous grooves in the rockbed, presumably from Luna scraping her hoof into the surface, like a filly drawing pictures in the sand with a stick. Some messages were horribly illegible, but the phrases Celestia could read were even worse. ‘It is so very, very cold, to live in the shadow of the sun, as it draws away my life, my hope, my spirit. When does the taking stop? What of when I have no more to give, when my head is on a stake and my heart crushed in her hoof?’
Then a few meters away, in messier writing: ‘I can feel the sun burning me, my blood leaking onto the ground. I know she waits behind me, but I dare not look, even as my blood drains into her eyes and stains them crimson with her sin. I cannot, for no one can behold the face of Death and live. For she is my Destroyer, who has killed all that I ever was.’
Then even later, the words scribbled hastily in her insanity: ‘I think I may have died today. Or yesterday. Or a thousand years ago. It doesn’t matter. Perhaps all I have seen and felt has been but a mere second on the bridge between the worlds. I don’t believe I’ll ever know. All I do know is before I ever die, I’ll have to kill her first. Celestia – I can hardly bear to write the name – will rue the day she ever thought to challenge me.’
“A thousand years in isolation gave Us… a lot to think about,” Luna said as she warily watched her sister reading.
“Luna,” Celestia cried, “what is this?”
“You asked of the correlation between Us and Nightmare Moon,” Luna explained. “In actuality, we are the same pony. She is merely a magnification of Our insanity, Our rage and jealousy so intense that it drove Our mind into chaos, the very opposite of the harmonious being We were. How We wish We could tell you that Our mistakes were brought about by a possession or an evil curse, but to do so would be a lie, an excuse to push the burden of guilt away from Us, where blame truly belongs. Our failure was nothing but Our own.”
“And… and these words?” Celestia asked, waving a hoof at the dreary landscape.
“Perhaps twisted from Our insanity, but every word and emotion engraved here was true at the time it was written. What you see before you are the scars of Our heart.”
Eyes now blurred with tears, Celestia was impulsively brought back to those words, those awful, accusatory words screaming the unbearable truth in her ears. Every account of hate or vengeance also carried with it a weight of guilt and shame for Celestia. All of this pain traced its origin straight back to her. At heart, she was the only one to blame. How was she supposed to live with that?
“We… I brought you here for a reason, Celestia,” Luna began. “When you told me that you were going to spare my life, I knew that for whatever reason, you had gone too soft on me. I brought you here to remind you of the monster I always was, and probably still am. I am a threat to you, Celestia. I doubt that will ever change.”
Luna closed her eyes and sighed. “Which is why… why I’m choosing to stay here,” she announced, her face scrunched up in pain, as if the very words themselves were tearing her insides apart. “On the moon. Away from Equestria. Away from you.”
“And before you start,” Luna added as Celestia started to get up and protest, “please, you need to remember what I did all those years ago. I’m still capable of doing all those horrible things again. I won’t allow myself to hurt anyone else. Trust me, the world is a better place without me. Equestria’s ponies will be safer without me in their lives. It… It’ll be easy for you,” Luna said, smiling as tears streamed down her face. “All you have to do is let me go, like you did all those years ago, and it’ll be like… like I was never there at all.”
“No,” the elder sister declared. “You know I’ll never do that, Luna. As much as I tried, I was never able to move past what happened—“
“But you already have!” Luna insisted. “Everypony moved on a long time ago, didn’t they? I’ve seen the beautiful, amazing kingdom you’ve created without me, Sister, but that’s just the point. You were able to reach far beyond either of our dreams all by yourself. Me being on the moon… it d-didn’t r-really matter, did it? I was gone, and nopony ever really cared. You all were able to carry on without me. You… you were able to leave me behind.”
At this, the lunar princess broke down in tears. “And I… I don’t want you to feel like you have to wait for me, either. Everything’s already changed too much. I don’t want to go running after you, trying to keep up with it all, all the thousands and millions of precious moments of life that I missed and can never get back. I don’t belong in your world anymore. I never did. The only place left for me is on the moon. No one will have to remember me here.”
Celestia’s red-rimmed eyes widened. The Luna she remembered never would have had the courage or the heart to make that kind of sacrifice. Celestia doubted she herself would have been able to, even now. Her exile had changed her; she was no longer the little filly Celestia knew. She had grown up so much, so beautifully, and Celestia hadn’t even realized it until now. Maybe Luna wasn’t the only pony left behind.
“Do you really think I have the strength to do that?” Celestia wondered aloud. “I’m sorry, Luna, but if you do, you’re overestimating me. I was never able to let go of my memories of you, even if I had truly wanted to. I—“
“No,” Luna murmured. “Just stop, sister. Don’t try to sugarcoat things to make me feel better. I am fully aware of what I intend to do.”
“Well, apparently you’re not aware, because I’ll never let you do it,” Celestia retaliated. “I’m not going to leave you here in this Faust-forsaken land to wither away! Can’t you see, Luna? You belong in Equestria, you’re needed there—“
“But I’m not!” Luna screamed. “Don’t you understand? I never belonged there! The reason ponies didn’t love my night is because they didn’t need it. They didn’t need me. You didn’t need me.”
“Ingenious, princess!” praised Apple Harvest, Celestia’s head advisor. “Why, with your new proposal, we’ll be able to nearly triple Canterlot’s yearly income! This new festival of yours—“
“Let’s call it the Summer Sun Celebration, shall we?” Celestia suggested, barely able to contain her satisfied grin.
“The Summer Sun Celebration,” Apple Harvest amended, “will bring in enormous revenue for the city, saving it from bankruptcy! Your insight has saved us once again, princess!”
Celestia pretended to seem abashed by the compliment, when inside, she was glowing with smug pride. “Oh, you always say that, Harvest.”
“And every time it’s true,” Apple Harvest replied with jovial sincerity. “Equestria could not be a finer country under you and your sister.”
Celestia’s kind eyes briefly darkened at the mention of Luna, but per usual, she hid it underneath her practiced serenity. “Thank you, Harvest. That’s very kind of you to say. I am sure my… sister—“ The princess grimaced, as if the word itself was sour. “—would appreciate your words.”
“Speaking of which, where is the esteemed Princess Luna today, if I might ask?” the caramel Earth pony asked upon noticing the absence of one of Equestria’s alicorns.
That was a good question. Judging by the nighttime sky, Luna should have joined them hours ago. Celestia herself hadn’t seen Luna since that morning, during their little… disagreement. ‘She’s probably moping around and doing nothing to help me, like always,’ Celestia thought disdainfully. “She is merely under the weather, I believe,” she said aloud instead. “If my presence is no longer needed her, I shall be on my way to check on her. In the meantime, please inform Canterlot of my proposition. We’ll most likely arrange for it to be held within the next few days, during the summer solstice.”
“Oh, and one more thing, princess,” Apple Harvest called as Celestia was just about to leave the council room. “What should be done about the meteor shower Princess Luna suggested for tomorrow night? With the sheer magnitude of the Summer Sun Celebration, we’ll need all our finest weather pegasi to arrange the perfect conditions in Canterlot. There won’t be enough left to handle Luna’s event.”
The sun princess screeched to a stop. That was right. She had promised Luna that a while back, hadn’t she? She remembered how Luna had been so overjoyed that she nearly squeezed all the air out of her lungs with a grateful hug before preceding to eagerly jump around the throne room until she banged her leg, and even then she wore the most heartwarming smile. She had been so overwhelming happy then. Luna would be absolutely devastated by this change.
“Are you absolutely sure we can’t do both?” Celestia nearly pleaded.
“No, I’m sorry, but I don't think we can,” Apple Harvest answered. “You’ll just have to choose, Princess Celestia.”
Celestia internally sighed. There was that title again, a constant reminder of the pony she had to be. She may have been the princess, but really she was nothing more than a servant for her little ponies. And as princess, she would have to sacrifice things for their sake, just as Luna would have to learn to do if she wanted to keep her own title. Besides, it was just a silly meteor shower; it could always be rescheduled. It was nothing in comparison to this, an event that would save the revenue of an entire city. Like she said earlier, Equestria had no time for pretty spectacles. In the end, they were nothing but a troublesome hassle to her, just like her sister.
“Then cancel the meteor shower,” Celestia commanded, her voice hardened in ice. “I have no need for useless things.”
Back in the present, Celestia sighed. She’s right. That’s all I used to think of her.
“But it’s alright, you know?” Luna continued, genuinely smiling through her breaking face and bitter tears. “I get it now. I was nothing but a bother to you. I did nothing but distract you and hinder you and hold you back from the mare you were supposed to be. I tried so hard to make you proud, but it was never enough, I suppose. You would always be ashamed of me, and in turn, I would always drag you down. That’s natural, isn’t it? We can’t all be heroes. We can’t all have a purpose. Somepony has to take the fall. And as much as I wish I didn’t have to be your weakness, I realize now that it’s all I’m really good for. I suppose all I can hope for is that once I get out of your life, you’ll finally be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Luna…” Celestia whispered, frozen in place in shock. She raised a trembling hoof to reach out to her sister, to find some way to reason with her, but the broken look in Luna’s eyes said it all. She had already decided.
Luna conjured a navy-blue orb of magic and handed it to Celestia. “Here’s my magic to let you go home. It’s all I have left to give you.”
Then without another word, before Celestia could even say another word, Luna turned and flew away, farther and farther, until she was swallowed up by the darkness of the moon.
Celestia was crushed. Luna had left again, and this time, she had no hope of getting her back. Collapsing into a sobbing mess, the sun princess fell to the ground, where Luna’s parting words now lay written before her.
“Luna!” Celestia shouted, her cry echoing across the deserted moonscape as she wandered it in search of her sister. With only the dim light of the stars guiding her, she found herself tripping several times, injuring her legs to match her battered hope. She didn’t know for the life of her where she was, how long she had been walking, or if she would ever find Luna at all. She was wretchedly lost, both in location and spirit, but she still continued to blindly walk through the darkness. What else could she do? The whole ordeal reminded Celestia of a thousand years ago, when Discord had trapped her and her sister in a vast labyrinth in the castle dungeons, to wander aimlessly, eternally, and alone.
“Where is my sister, Discord?!” a disheveled, tired Celestia screamed at the draconequis, hovering above the princess on a cotton candy cloud and amusedly grinning down at her like the manipulative spirit he was. “Tell me now, or I swear to Faust I will make you choke on that cotton candy, you vile, monstrous son of a—!“
“Let’s not finish that sentence, shall we, dear?” said Discord. With a snap of his fingers, a bar of soap materialized in Celestia’s mouth, silencing her. “It’s not very lady-like language, especially towards somepony you’re trying to get to help you. Although, why you even care about your sister is beyond me.”
Celestia spat out the soap bar. “Cease with your accursed riddles!” the princess demanded, her Royal Canterlot Voice reverberating throughout the maze of corridors she was trapped in.
“Actually, for once I’m being quite straightforward with you, Celestia darling,” Discord replied slyly, slinking down from his perch on high to stand beside her. “I would have thought it obvious, or are you illiterate when it comes to your own writing?”
“W-What are you talking about?” Celestia asked, eyeing him warily.
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Discord in a tone that meant he certainly did know. “I’ve just been doing some—“ With a snap, he summoned a small white notebook bound in gold. “—light reading as of late.”
“You’ve been reading my diary?!” Celestia shrieked. Since magic and wings weren’t an option in this maze, Celestia jumped to grab it, only to have Discord dangle it just out of reach.
“Well, not all of it, of course,” he replied, his demonic yellow eyes alight with mischief. “Those parts where you complain about negotiations with the Griffin Kingdom and balancing the nation’s budget were a complete bore, I tell you. However, there were some golden nuggets I was able to find through it all. You really do enjoy venting your stress through your sister, don’t you? A ‘constant annoyance,’ ‘yet another problem for me to deal with,’ an ‘insolent pest who never does any actual good for Equestria’? My my, you do have a way with words, Celestia, especially for the Bearer of Honesty and Magic. I wonder what your lovely sister would think if she had the chance to read this?”
“I… You think those words, words written in anger and frustration, were ones I meant?”
“Will you be the one to say that they aren’t? Oh Celestia,” Discord laughed as she shot him her most poisonous scowl, “you truly are special. I’ve come across thousands of ponies during my reign, but none have even come close to how narrow-minded you are. You think you have everything, don’t you? Wealth, fame, power, beauty, and the admiration of an entire country. Do you really think that will be enough to save you?”
“Normally, I would have corrupted you by now,” Discord continued, “but seeing as you’ve done such a good job by yourself, there’s really not much else for me to do. I think I’ll just sit back and watch as your perfect world crumbles, like a falling house of cards, princess.”
Discord leered at Celestia’s crown, embedded with the Elements of Magic, Honesty, and last of all, Loyalty. “Whether it be tomorrow or in a thousand years, Celestia, you will become your own downfall, destroyed in the only way a Bearer of Loyalty can.
“Betrayal.”
Bitter tears stung in Celestia’s eyes, but she angrily brushed them away. She wasn’t about to melt down and cry, not now. Searching the entire moon was a daunting task, but now more than ever, she needed to stay level-headed. There had to be a logical, systematic, reasonable solution—
Seeing no other option, Celestia used her magic to conjure up the image of a golden bit, the device through which all important decisions were made.
“Okay,” she said to herself. “Heads, I keep searching the light side of the moon. Tails, I go searching on the dark side.
Okay, go!”
Celestia squeezed her eyes shut as with a flick of her magic, she tossed the coin high into the air. Please don’t be like the movies, she begged. Please, please, please don’t be like the movies…
Only when she heard the faint clatter of the coin hitting the ground did she dare open her eyes. She first looked down at the coin, then at the corresponding direction, then down at the coin again, as if expecting the result to change.
It didn’t.
“Oh, why does it always have to be the dark way?!”
“Hello? Is there anypony out there?” Celestia called for the fifth time. In the pitch-black darkness, with only Luna’s glowing magic orb and her own horn for illumination, the light princess could hardly see two inches in front of her muzzle. As a result, her mind kept imagining some fast-moving creature dashing just beyond the edge of her vision. Celestia mentally shook herself. It was no wonder how Luna had gone insane here; in the end, her own mind betrayed her. Nevertheless, Celestia kept a wary eye out, preparing for anything that threatened to jump out at her. Even though her hoofsteps felt strangely silent, she still strained her ears for any other sound as the pounding of her heart became a deafening roar. The hairs on her back stood on end as she felt through that crazy, inexplicable sixth sense that somepony was watching her.
Like that! Just then, something in the shadows had moved! A dark, looming presence was close by, its eyes of shadow turned on her. She wasn’t just imagining things anymore. Very slowly, Celestia came to a halt and carefully circled around, on her most cautious guard, her eyes piercing the darkness, searching not for a source of light, but a denser shadow.
It is truly amazing, how ponies never notice things that turn their backs on the sun. It is a deadly curse, for perhaps those most desperate to hide need only require the luminance of day.
Slowly, Celestia was able to see not just one shadowy figure, but another, then another, until she found herself standing in the midst of a whole swarm of the creatures. They all whizzed past her however, as if drawn away by an overwhelming magnetic force.
Recognizing them as the Creatures of the Nightmare Dreamscape, Celestia started edging away in fear, while more just continued to come, drowning her in a terrible sense of dread. Where could they all be coming from? The almighty Equestrian princess trembled, overcome with the insistent need to run away, and yet her hooves were firmly grounded in the moondust. She was unable to move as the Nightmare Creatures started howling in mourning, the sound eerie and horrid, like screeching nails on a chalkboard and then driving those nails into a live pony, causing a harmony of screaming pain. Celestia could feel an insistent, impatient energy flooding off them, the kind of crazy excitement only found in a pack of ravens going to tear apart a dying body.
When one of the Nightmare Creatures slithered right by Celestia, dousing her in that sensation, she shivered in disgust. These vile monstrosities had to be going somewhere, right? And as much as Celestia didn’t like it, the fact that there was only on other pony on the moon meant that place was probably Luna. And if that was true, then that meant Celestia had to follow to Nightmare Creatures, the very embodiment of fear itself.
Well, this is going to be a lovely experience, Celestia thought bitterly as she fought to uproot her shaking hooves from the ground, which proved to be just as difficult as actually uprooting a tree. She concentrated with all her being on just taking one single step, a significantly more challenging feat when terror had turned her muscles to jelly.
Finally, after a millennia of internal struggle, Celestia was able to take that single step… in the opposite direction as she ran away from the nightmares.
Oh for Faust’s sake, stop being such a baby, Celestia! she admonished. Just because you raise the sun doesn’t automatically make you afraid of the dark! You’ve charged down Discord, Sombra; surely you can handle a few creepy shadows! But of course, Celestia was less afraid of the Nightmare Creatures themselves, and more afraid of what they could lead her to. A devastated and magic-less Luna, crying or hurt or worse…
Which was why she needed to step up now! Luna needed her again, and she would never allow her sister to fall prey to another nightmare, not on her life. The image of Luna shined like a beacon in Celestia’s mind, making her forget the darkness and gloom around her and instead focus on the light at the end of the tunnel before her.
It was just one of those moments to fling all reason out the window, grit your teeth, and run, and that was just what Celestia did. With half a war cry and half a whimper, she closed her eyes and charged headlong into the tidal wave of nightmares. Immediately, Celestia felt the disgusting sensation of being dunked into ice cold water, a feeling that only came with powerful dark magic. Yet she pushed it all aside, focusing only on finding Luna, her only light in a dark millennia of solitude.
Beforehand, the Nightmare Creatures had been more than willing to ignore Celestia, but now that she was galloping right beside them, hostilities began to show. The phantoms hissed and veered away from her, and while they showed no outward violence like before, they did make sure to keep a very safe distance away from her.
Celestia was fine with this arrangement. Those wraiths only served as another reminder of Luna’s fall from grace, and besides, not having to drive away their negative energy helped her concentrate on keeping up with them as they ran at neck-breaking speed. Still, a part of her held a morbid curiosity about these creatures. After all, they represented a darkness that, as much as Celestia wanted to deny it, was an intrinsic part of Luna’s exile, and that was what she had come to discover, wasn’t it?
The wraiths were moving slower now, as more and more of them continued flooding in. As a result, some of them were forced to walk much closer to Celestia than they would have liked, giving her an opportunity to further examine them.
What Celestia hadn’t noticed before was that these ghostly creatures bore a similar form to that of an equine, with cracked horns and molting wings, too deplorable and disfigured to be thought of as alicorns. They were all terribly thin, just scraggly muscle and bone, bearing the toughened demeanor of a pony worn down by a life of hardship on the streets. Where kindness and love should have softened the lines of their face, there was only jagged, hollowed-out emptiness. They walked with their heads bent to the ground, as if weighed down by a load of shame heavier than chains.
As intimidating as they were, there was also something tragically broken about them that would have moved Celestia’s gentle heart to pity if it had not been for those gouged-out eyes, those dark abysses set in an expressionless face. They seemed to draw in the darkness, relishing it and making it a part of their shadows. Inside them, there burned a cruel kind of pride, accompanied by an insane cunning that terrified Celestia. Unlike changelings, who were motivated by blind desire to feed off love, the Nightmare Creatures appeared to have a frightening combination of intelligence and insanity. They were fully aware of their brokenness, of just how far they had fallen, and took pride in the accomplishment. Their twisted hearts carried no remorse.
Or at least, that was what Celestia thought.
Without even realizing it, Celestia had taken to gliding along with her outstretched wings so as to be able to stretch out a trembling hoof to touch one of the Nightmare Creatures, so concentrated with smoke and shadow that she wondered if they were even substantial. However, as she raised her hoof, the nearest phantom reared up on its hind legs and, in a distinctly feminine voice, whimpered a cry that Celestia understood all too well.
It’s actually afraid of me, Celestia marveled. These terrifying nightmares, these vessels of fear, were actually capable of showing fear themselves. And it made sense, didn’t it? Besides being the only new pony they had encountered in a millennia, she was also princess of the sun, the polar opposite of these creatures who lived in a world of eternal night.
More cautiously this time, Celestia reached out, and with almost filly-like wonder, brushed her hoof against the shadow of the nightmare.
No sooner had her hoof made contact, Celestia gasped as her eyes turned a pure, resplendent white. For the briefest second, Celestia looked out to the desolate moonscape and instead of seeing the hordes of Nightmare Creatures, the shadows instantly parted, revealing a faded image of a younger Luna underneath, a vision repeated a thousand times for as far as the eye could see. No two images were they same; some depicted Luna in her infancy, and others right up until the point of her exile. Some bore a smile, some bore a tear, but all of them were beautiful. It was if somepony had taken a picture of every event in Luna’s fillyhood and brought them to life here, in this timeless space of a thousand snapshots. And as the nightmares were pieces of Luna’s very own mind, it just so happened that this was exactly the case. Most every point, major or minor, was represented by an individual Luna, as if she had been cut out of pictures in a photo album, and all of it was for Celestia to see, exactly as she had remembered it.
That’s all a nightmare really is, Celestia marveled. A distorted memory.
Now that the Nightmare Creatures’ shadowy exteriors had been dispersed, Celestia found herself crying as she watched them all fly by her. She saw a Luna shaking with nervousness as she attempted to fly, another one humming a cheerful little melody as she skipped through the castle, and still another running to hug Celestia and welcome her home from a diplomatic meeting, with her face alight with the purest joy.
Simple little moments swirled past Celestia like flurries in a snowstorm, so mundane when singled out, yet the very basis of a pony’s life when strung together. They were fleeting, too: whenever Celestia tried to fully immerse herself in one of Luna’s memories, it just ran past, leaving her a lonely bystander. It was saddening to realize just how many of these precious moments she had missed or just hadn’t appreciated, too caught up in affairs of state and not enough in the affairs of the heart.
‘I don’t want to go running after you, trying to keep up with it all, all the thousands and millions of precious moments of life that I missed and can never get back.’
“You weren’t the only one who missed out, Luna,” Celestia murmured softly, lamentation in her voice.
Shying her blurring eyes away from those now painful reminders, Celestia turned back to the Nightmare Creature she had touched before, only to take in a sharp gasp. For this phantom’s shadows had too dispersed, but unlike its brethren, there remained not an image of Celestia’s beloved sister, but a featureless pony composed entirely of glowing navy blue cytoplasm, the same color as Luna’s coat. The cytoplasm pulsated sickly as like quicksand it began to suck Celestia’s hoof into the repulsive substance, causing her to cry out in disgust.
But that was nothing compared to the terrified whines of agony as it thrashed about blindly, obviously in great pain. Alarmed, Celestia was just about to pull her hoof out when the nightmare’s head suddenly jerked to the side, and Celestia found herself staring into those tunnel-like, soulless eyes…
She was younger now, eons younger, and far shorter that she had ever remembered being. The features of Celestia’s chambers towered over the filly’s head, but she hardly noticed as she scampered about, searching the entire room from top to bottom. Perhaps it wasn’t outwardly noticeable, but her heart was brimming with a boundless excitement, the kind that only came with breathless anticipation, like when waiting nine months for a cartoon series to air its newest season, now just around the corner. She had waited weeks for tomorrow night, and she wanted to make sure everything was perfect when that time came.
However, another kind of excitement followed her, only this one a little less innocent-natured. It was the thrill that came with breaking rules. She wasn’t supposed to be in her sister’s private chambers; Celestia had made that very clear when she shut herself up in there every night after Solar Court, with only the furious scratching of a quill as company. Sister was very irritable nowadays, and she didn’t want to do anything to upset her. Still, she was just looking for something; it wasn’t as if she was causing trouble. If she could slip in and out with Celestia being none the wiser, it would be just like one of those princess and robber games she used to play with Sister, back in the days when sibling love didn’t manifest in courtroom shouting matches and Sister actually wanted to be her sister.
And so, the filly’s fluttering heartbeats, counting down the seconds remaining in Celestia’s court, spurred her into action. Perhaps it was too much action, judging by the disarray of the room. The filly blushed as she tripped over yet another fallen tapestry sprawled across the floor. She would clean it all up afterwards, she promised!
With a flick of her magic, the alicorn started yanking open drawers in Celestia’s writing desk. “She has to have those astrology charts around here somewhere!” Luna exclaimed aloud, all too eager to start planning for her meteor shower for her beloved ponies of Equestria. Normally, her heart would have sank at the remembrance of the ponies who continued to shun her night, but her smile did not so much as falter at the thought. She was walking on Cloud Nine, on top of the world. Nothing could possibly sour her elation. She just felt so happy, overwhelmingly and undeniably, more than she could ever remember.
She had also taken her crystals that day.
With shaky telekinesis, Luna levitated a midnight-black flask from her saddlebags and popped off the cork. Immediately, a plume of dark smoke erupted in her face, but she impatiently brushed it aside to reveal a layer of ground-up black crystals. These crystals, or Nightshade as Luna endearingly dubbed them, were originally taken from the Crystal Empire in the hopes of scientifically analyzing the nature of Sombra’s dark magic so as to potentially recover the lost empire. The research had only been discontinued once the levels of corrupted magic were deemed too hazardous for ponies. Despite Luna’s insistent demands to continue in the hopes of saving the empire, Celestia had shot her down every time.
Of course, the lunar princess wasn’t just going to take no for an answer, so she took matters in her own hooves and began independently experimenting, working late into the day on her own secret discovery.
And what she discovered was that it made her happy. At first she believed it was the project itself, the chance to sneak away from the tribulations of royal court, but it was more than that. Whenever she was filled with anger from a court proceeding, all it took was a step in her laboratory to fill her with inexplicable euphoria. Soon, she started to take the crystals with her, taking little pinches here and there to just boost her morale. It wasn’t as if she was doing anything wrong by taking it. All she wanted was to be happy.
Luna swiftly tucked the Nightshade away and resumed her search. The alicorn channeled her magic into a telekinetic grasp to open the drawer, but was only met with a wavering navy-blue magic field that quickly flickered out. On her second try, a super-charged bolt of black magic shot like a released bow out beyond Celestia’s balcony with tremendous force. Her third attempt only brought sickly trail of purple and black magic oozing like oil from her horn.
That was fine. Her magic had been acting up as of late. Kneeling down, Luna simply used her hooves to yank open the drawers.
“Aha!” she shouted in triumph as she found the star charts rolled up in the very bottom drawer. She waved them around in her once more steady magical grip, like celebratory banners announcing a great victory in battle.
Her triumph was short-lived however, when she noticed the mess she had made of Celestia’s room. “Oops,” Luna giggled good-naturedly. “Better start cleaning up!”
With cheerful spring in her step, Luna started tidying up Celestia’s desk, righting overturned inkwells and placing papers into their previously neat stacks. The young princess was grateful Sister had been delegated to most of the paperwork, while Luna got to handle finance with the bubbly Moonshine Celebration. Trade negotiations in one pile, law proposals in another, and down the list went, until after the eternity of thirty seconds, Luna finally stopped to look with weary eyes at how many papers she had left to sort. Luna let out a groan as she thumbed through the large stack of documents. Deciding to take a break from that and start hanging up the tapestries, she turned away from the writing desk. She had to hurry up, because judging by the night sky, Tia would be back any moment now, and she couldn’t see this mess. Moonlight spilled from the windowsill and cascaded into the room, throwing a spotlight on the panicking filly running around trying to clean up her latest disaster.
Luna sighed. That was all she seemed to do lately. Making a fool out of herself in public, botching up legislation, and worst of all, earning her sister’s constant disapproval. If Luna hadn’t realized she made a mistake, Tia would be sure to point it out. No wonder she had been pushed to the side and given dull, inconsequential jobs. That way she wouldn’t throw Equestria into a national crisis. No, it was better for her to stay hidden, tucked away inside the palace with her books and her numbers to be left alone. She couldn’t stand being a bother. All she wanted was for ponies to be happy.
With a tired pout, Luna rested her head dejectedly on the windowsill and gazed up at the full moon. Maybe the ponies of Equestria would notice if they even bothered to look, but to Luna, it seemed as if the craters formed a frowning face as it hung in the night sky, so empty and distant and alone.
Luna could relate to that. She was so tired of trying to pretend like she was happy, even to herself. She couldn’t let herself cry in front of ponies; that would only make Tia even more stressed, and she shouldn’t have to worry about her. If she just kept smiling, then everything would be alright, wouldn’t it? Nopony would have to be bothered with her. Letting ponies see her sadness would only bring them pain, and if she couldn’t be strong enough to bear her sorrow, then it she deserved to suffer through every tear. If she suffered in silence, the tears would pass like a dream. She would fight through this sadness, even if the smiling made her cry out in pain. A million smiles could piece together a breaking heart.
But it was more than her heart that was breaking. Dark crescent moons hung beneath her eyes, the sign of an insomniac. She didn’t eat either, and she felt sick and dizzy too. Drastic mood swings like this were so disorienting that they only left her drained and confused. Day after day, all the time, she felt so cold and hollow inside, walking around while dead inside. She was tired of pretending when she was so weighed down in sorrow. She could hardly remember why she was sad anymore. Maybe it didn’t even matter. Nothing seemed to anymore.
Luna took out the near-empty flask of Nightshade again and peered into its depths. She could have sworn it had been full yesterday. Nevertheless, she measured out a hoofull and tossed the powder into her mouth, grimacing as she swallowed the poison. The crystals were fast-acting, and within seconds, Luna felt her former hyperactive energy draining away into a sense of utmost relaxation.
Maybe the meteor shower could help change things, she hoped. Yes, that was it. All she had to do was prove her worth to Equestria's ponies, display the true loveliness of her night, and perhaps they would love and respect her like Sister. That was all she had to do. Insistent doubts and concerns plagued her mind, but she brushed them all aside in favor of her hope, that single strand of self-worth that had become her very reason for living.
Sister loves me; Sister loves me, Luna chanted in an endless mantra. Despite the many shortcomings and all the times she had failed her elder sister, Luna had to believe in that somepony loved her, which meant others could as well. That was her last remaining hope. She didn't know how she could go on without it.
Sister loves me; Sister loves me... right?
She was too tired to clean up now. Getting up, Luna began to walk away, watching the moonlight trail behind her like a wedding train. Light flew like sparks to ignite parchment a ghostly pale white and reflect off it in a glimmering gold…
Wait, moonlight didn’t do that. Luna turned around to see a small gold corner poking out as it was buried under the pile of papers, which she hastily pushed aside to reveal a notebook, white and bound in gold...
“No!” Celestia screamed as she wrenched her hoof away. Her eyes sparkled with tears as she turned away in shame, not wanting to see any more. She already knew how this memory ended.
With the birth of Celestia’s deepest nightmare.
Uttering a last cry, the Nightmare Creature collapsed into the moondust. Pain wracked its body, cloaked with shadows once again, as it lay twitching feebly in its desperate bid for life before it finally fell still, dissolving into ashes.
Celestia stood by and watched the nightmare’s death with a calm, quiet acceptance. It was no great loss, for its purpose had been fulfilled. Nightmares were only meant to teach and guide, nothing more. They couldn’t stay, couldn’t live on, for all things in the world had their own time, and the nightmare belonged in the past. And as much as the memories hurt, Celestia couldn't allow herself to mourn them.
But Luna hadn’t realized that, had she? The Creatures of the Nightmare Dreamscape were proof that she couldn’t see past them, instead letting them flood her present. All she could see was smoke and shadows.
So maybe all she needed was a little light.
Celestia looked out to the distance, where she saw a rolling wave of darkness just cross the horizon, moving at breakneck speed. If she didn’t start running now, she’d most likely never catch up.
That was all the encouragement she needed. With the orb of Luna’s magic held in her golden aura, and the newly resurfaced memories held in her heart, Celestia took off, running as if Luna’s life depended on it.
Celestia's hooves pounded against the unrelenting bedrock as she began to run, faster than she had ever done so in her life. Her lungs instantly caught on fire from exertion, but she could burn to a crisp for all she cared. History would not repeat itself. She would run until it killed her. She would run now, unlike before, when being late had cost her everything.
Celestia leisurely walked through the castle hallways, now bathed in silvery moonlight. Despite it being so late at night (pulling late-night shifts was now becoming an all too usual occurrence), the princess still stifled a yawn and continued to keep her graceful composure, even though her thoughts were anything but calm and collected.
Through the backlog of all the political stress she had to deal with, worries about Luna managed to push themselves into the forefront of Celestia’s mind. Luna wouldn’t be mad about the cancellation, would she? Perhaps she’d be a trifle irritated at first, but once Celestia explained the situation, everything would neatly resolve itself like always. Besides, it wasn’t as though a meteor shower cancellation was of any major importance. Unlike that press conference… or that new trade policy… or her diplomatic visit to Saddle Arabia next week…
With qualms about Luna put at ease, her duties as princess once again flooded her mind, with each newly occurring problem like a flashing red light in her head, all of them pressing issues clamoring for attention.
Unable to ignore them any longer, Celestia rerouted her steps, heading not towards the Lunar Tower but the Solar Tower, where stacks of paperwork surely awaited her. Just the thought of curling up with a cup of hot chocolate and doing some light paperwork by the fireside filled the princess with instant comfort—
But… but Luna…
Ooh, and it would help her get ahead on her duties, too! With that extra time freed up, she’d have the chance to attend that Canterlot Garden Party she had always been too busy to make. Why, they’d simply fawn over her when she would arrive—!
But Luna…
Yes, yes, of course, Luna would just have to wait. Tilting her nose so high into the air that her neck nearly snapped, Celestia ascended the spiraling tower staircase with newly invigorated pride, as she lost herself in daydreams of the highest nobles in Canterlot crowding eagerly around her, desperate for attention, the very same kind Celestia herself craved. It was in the sun’s nature to be put on a spotlight, was it not? The more she entered that fantasy, the more the hands of time seemed to tick all the more slowly.
Too slowly. Celestia swiveled her head around to face the window, portraying a peaceful night sky with a scattering stars and a gleaming full moon. It was nearly midnight; surely the moon should be higher in the sky by now?
Celestia’s heart dropped in her chest. This was extremely dangerous. Celestial bodies needed to be consistently guided through the sky; failing to do so could potentially disrupt the entire cycle of day and night. And it wasn’t as if Luna had forgotten, either. Her link to the moon should have alerted her when it was time, with a persistence as irritating as a thousand ringing alarm clocks. The only reason Luna would ignore such a powerful mental force was…
Thoughts of peace and comfort gone, Celestia broke into a full-on gallop up the stairs to her chambers. She had to get to her balcony where she could fix the moon first, then check on Luna, as much as she wanted to switch around those priorities. It had to be her ponies first.
Celestia’s blood chilled in her veins with fear, making her snow white face sickly pale. Her ethereal mane fluttered like a wild tempest behind her with a frenzy that would have blown her crown off if it had not been securely held there, chained to the princess as a constant reminder of the burden that came with power. A princess had no time to laugh. A goddess couldn’t afford to love.
Even if it came at the cost of her only sister.
There were no guards outside her room. Another concerned alarm sounded in her mind. With an impatient flick of golden magic, the doors to her chambers were thrown wide, revealing a clear path to the balcony and the stationary moon above. However, Celestia hadn’t even taken a single step inside before she reeled backwards, her magenta eyes wide in horror.
It wasn’t the trampled banners, the disorganized papers, or the general disarray of her private sanctum. No, these details were only noticed later, across the span of several centuries, as the immortal princess reflected what had happened that tragic night so long ago. She may have thought of it several times a day, when the stinging pain was reduced to a dull, throbbing ache, but the jolt of shock was always the same. Fresh, piercing, and unforgettable.
Celestia’s heart stopped when she saw her sister reading her diary, with crazed and bloodshot eyes.
The helpless, broken look Luna gave Celestia when she walked in was an almost unbearable wound, but one of many that would assault her heart that night. For a single moment, the sisters were completely silent, as the eyes of the accuser locked with those of the guilty, although this time, the one caught in the act was not the sinner. Wary magenta met grieving sapphire. The look in Luna’s eyes spoke many truths, ones of hurt, of grief, of confusion and bitterness.
But above all, it spoke of betrayal.
Finally, Luna found her voice. “Is this true?” she asked, her voice brittle and raspy as she attempted to hold back tears.
There was no need for clarification. “L-Luna, I…” Celestia stammered. “I… pl-please, sister, you have to understand—“
“Is it?!” Luna screamed, terrifying her elder sister into submission.
“Yes,” Celestia breathed as she bent her head in shame. “Yes, it is. I’m ashamed to say it, but it is. But Luna, what you have to understand is that I never meant to hurt you or our sisterhood by what I—“
“Oh, just stop it, Celestia!” Luna cried, her eyes igniting with a fiery rage that not even her own freely dripping tears could quell. “Just stop with your lies for once! I would have thought I could trust the Bearer of Honesty, but I suppose you decided to throw all your Elements out the window! Because I daresay you haven’t been particularly open with me, what with your marvelous celebration coming up!”
At this point, Luna had slammed the diary shut and stood up, facing Celestia, planting her hooves firmly on the floor as she glared angrily from the opposite end of the room. Even with her wings flared in her wrath, Luna was still far smaller than Celestia. Nevertheless, Celestia shrank before the imposing form, feeling ever so small and insignificant.
“Oh yes, I know about it,” Luna continued, eyes narrowed in snake-like slits as she approached Celestia. “When a guard came here asking for you, he so admirably informed me of your lovely ‘Summer Sun Celebration.’” Bitterness stung in every word as Luna accented the title of the occasion and watched as the hostility cut into Celestia like shards of ice. “A festival that just so happens to coincide with my meteor shower. Sister, how could you?”
There it was again. Even in unbridled hate, there was that sign of hurt and suffering, a pain that cut deep into them both. Celestia looked up into Luna’s crazed eyes and cried. There was no sister there. That chance had been lost a long time ago.
“I may be worthless to you, Celestia, but I have a heart!” Luna screamed. “If you want, I can rip it out and show you, since it probably wouldn’t hurt nearly as much as what I’m feeling now! You could have talked to me, at least consulted me, but I suppose such things are beneath the high and mighty Princess Celestia!”
The princess levitated one of the fallen tapestries, the nation’s flag depicting her and Celestia circling the sun and moon. “You may not realize it, but Equestria isn’t just ruled by yourself! Just because I’m not the center of all those press conferences and high-class balls doesn’t mean I’m any less important! Even if you brush me off to the side, at some point you have to acknowledge that I exist, that I am actually alive! I AM NOT DEAD YET! I WON’T LET YOU FORGET ME! LOOK AT ME, AND SEE THAT I’M STILL HERE!”
Celestia felt her knees begin to tremble. Luna did not possess a spirit of hatred. Even when they disagreed, Luna would merely pout and whine until comforted; she had never been this confrontational before. This was a side to her sister that Celestia had never seen before.
“Luna, stop,” Celestia ordered. “You’re being unreasonable.”
Celestia eyed her sister warily, certain she was about to explode again, when Luna paused and took a deep, calming breath. “You’re right, Celestia,” she said in a controlled, dangerously composed tone. “I am being unreasonable. Everything I need to know can be answered with one simple question.
“Would you be better off if I was dead?”
No, Celestia wanted to scream. No, no, no! But that simple, two-letter word simply wouldn’t come. Her guilty eyes slid to her forgotten diary, where all her true thoughts lay. All the meetings Luna had missed, all the times she had embarrassed herself in front of nobles, and all the moments Celestia had wished to erase it all, not for Luna’s sake, but because it tarnished her own reputation. All the screaming matches in court, the demands to have their chambers in the farthest away towers possible; those weren’t signs of friendship. Those weren’t the sisters who had grown together, who only fought evil together, and who had faced the greatest forms of chaos only to find solace in their sisterhood.
It boiled down to something simple, really. As a sister, Luna was her greatest strength. As the princess of Equestria, Luna was her ultimate weakness.
The question was, who was she?
It was a question Celestia couldn’t answer.
The silence was enough for Luna. “I see,” she said bitterly, angry tears welling in her eyes that begged for a different answer, one that Celestia couldn’t give. “Well, you just made this a whole lot easier.”
Then a dark lightning bolt struck Celestia straight in her breaking heart.
Her mind raced to catch up with this sudden turn of events, but even it was not fast enough as Luna's spell sent her crashing into the adjacent wall. Instantaneously, pain blossomed as black and blue flowers beneath her fur and sent stabbing needles dancing along her bruised skin. Celestia paused for a second, wondering about the absurdity of the situation, of how she had ended up dazed, confused, and sprawled on the ground. She barely had time to formulate the thought, however, when a pair of navy blue hooves struck her in the chest, leaving her gasping for breath. But oxygen was now in rare commodity as Luna wrapped her forehooves around her sister’s neck in an attempt to strangle her.
There was no confusion now. Celestia looked up into her sister’s eyes, now mad with grief. It was like staring into a shattered mirror, a window to the soul blown apart as its contents threatened to explode.
“There can only be one princess in Equestria!” Luna screamed, her words reverberating in history for centuries to come. “And that princess will be me!”
“I never wanted to hurt her.”
The words came out of nowhere, snapping Celestia out of her memory. She had been lost for quite some time now, running blindly in the general direction of the Nightmare Creatures. Now, her breath was ragged from exhaustion, her aching muscles screamed in pain, and most of all, now cautious curiosity was getting the better of her again. All were good reasons for Celestia to slow to a walk and tentatively head toward the voice, a voice her heart would recognize anywhere.
“I never wanted to hurt her,” Luna said again. “I was just so hurt myself that I couldn’t take it, that I needed to hurt somepony else. As if that ever helped anything. As if that’d get me anywhere close to redemption.”
As Celestia edged forward, she could just make out the quiet sniffles of Luna’s tears. “You know, when I first returned to Equestria, I was hoping, praying that she would hate me. You would think that would be just something to expect from the pony you tried to murder, but… not with her. I knew that my Celestia could never truly hate me, even though she would be stupid not to.
“I… I think that’s why I lost it when I read her diary. It tore me up to read those words and know that all of it was true. All the anger and hate written there was what I deserved. All the love she gave me… it couldn’t go on, not when she had to lie about her feelings. I couldn’t rely on her mercy anymore. I couldn’t bear the thought that I was so… useless compared to her.”
“I… I remember the last thing I said to her,” Luna lamented, “and I was right about one thing. There can only be one true princess in Equestria. But it was never meant to be me. Only one of us could have that honor, that kind of joy. When wishing for somepony’s happiness, somepony else has to pay in equal sorrow to keep the balance. That’s just the way the universe works. And… And if that means sacrificing myself for her, then I would gladly pay the price. A thousand of my tears are worth a single one of her smiles.
“That’s what my cutie mark represents. Not power or love or grace like Sister. I was destined to stand aside, to let my heart become as desolate as this moon, and pray for her glory instead. All I am is a warning, a story used to frighten little fillies into obedience. I was meant to be feared, not loved. You can’t love a nightmare; that would go against the moral of the story. Wickedness can’t go unpunished. I know the price I have to pay, and I know I’ll keep paying until the day I die. I understand that now.”
That was enough for Celestia. She needed to see what was going on. With a golden burst of magic, she cast a spell upon her eyes that allowed them to peer through the darkness as if seeing in broad daylight. Instantly, the light brought every silhouette into sharp relief. Like a spotlight amidst the gloom, it rained down light on Luna, now diminutive and filly-like without her magic. Around her swirled the shadowy Creatures of the Nightmare Dreamscape, swooping like wraiths to surround the defenseless alicorn, who was hiding her face in her hooves. Every so often one of them would hiss something in Luna’s ear, words that Celestia would never have been able to make out, even if she had been standing right beside her. Those fears were only known to Luna’s own heart.
“I never wanted this,” Luna cried. “I never could have imagined this. It’s all too much. The payment’s been done, so please, just take it all away. Erase my heart and make me forget myself, just as the world has forgotten me.”
The Nightmare Creatures only swirled faster in response, soon forming an impenetrable wall of darkness around the lunar princess. She never did love you, did she? they mocked as they continued to circle around her. You were never meant for love, only empty loneliness. Isolation is your destiny. To think you could ever stand before the sun in all her perfect glory with all your mistakes. You were nothing but a burden, something to drag her down. To think the world would remember a useless thing like you, too caught up with daytime’s necessity to even give a second glance to the beauty of the night. Silly, foolish girl, to think you could be needed. You belong with us. Foolish, lonely, useless, foolish, lonely, useless child!
“Make me forget,” Luna cried out in desperation to the nightmares. “Please, just make me forget!”
No, the nightmares replied. We will make you relive it all.
“Luna!” Celestia screamed as she charged the wall of nightmares, only to be pushed back by their sheer density, materialized by Luna’s fragile mental state. Her fear was what made them real. And still, Celestia kept fighting, firing beams of light at the phantoms, who simply reflected the spells back on the castor. Soon, her resplendent white fur was covered in angry burns, but she still persisted, ramming her broken and battered body at the wall with decreasing strength, until three Nightmare Creatures finally broke free from the horde and pinned her down.
“No!” came the strangled cry from Celestia as she struggled in vain against the nightmares. “No, I won’t let you take her away from me again! If you want her, it'll be over my dead body!” Darkness crept up the corners of her eyes as she began to black out, and her screams for Luna soon became screams of pain. Now fully corporeal, the Nightmare Creatures didn’t hesitate to grind Celestia to a pulp. Yanking her ethereal mane, they repeatedly bashed her head against the cold, hard, unrelenting ground. She was dimly aware of blood trickling from her temple as the world swam before her eyes. Somewhere in the beating, her crown had been knocked off. Celestia was fine with that. It had only ever caused her pain.
Celestia kicked and thrashed about wildly to fight off her assailants, but to no avail. When all her energy had finally been sapped, the phantoms hurled her limp body far away from Luna and into the moondust, where the sun princess lay still.
Tears blurring her eyes, Celestia weakly lifted her head inches off the ground to see Luna being consumed by the nightmares. She wanted to scream, to stand, to show some kind of resilience, but only her soul could cry out as she bore witness to her worst nightmare made manifest.
Luna was falling prey to Nightmare Moon once again.
Celestia’s eyes fell on the words written on the moonscape. I was truly blind, wasn’t I? Celestia lamented. How could I have not noticed this before? I was supposed to be able to read my sister’s heart; it shouldn’t have had to bleed for me to understand. All the anger and hate she had bottled up inside… well, I guess we were both good at that, weren’t we? Equestria needed a princess, but we needed friendship even more.
Celestia turned her head to the fallen orb of Luna’s magic. It was strange, but so much of Luna seemed to reside in there. It pulsated with a gentle, beautiful glow, so much unlike the raw, volatile power of the sun. But that was Luna, going unappreciated in the shadows as she tried to protect the ponies she loved, even from herself. Even now, the orb hummed insistently, brimming with the spell that could teleport Celestia home.
I’m sorry, Luna, but you’re always going to be my home.
“Oh Luna,” Celestia wept. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Crack!
“Huh?”
Sure enough, Celestia turned and saw a deep, jagged cut running through Luna’s magic. The alicorn’s eyes widened in alarm. She prepared to use telekinesis on the orb, when her horn brushed against the crack…
And out spilled a quiet explosion of Luna’s silvery magic, a magic which spread out like a spider’s web to encompass the entire moonscape. Celestia watched in awe as the fine, silk-like tendrils literally grabbed hold of the bedrock and, with a delicate complexity, rearranged the words of Luna’s thousand-year hatred into a new message, written in elegant yet shaky hoofwriting, and glowing with an aqua blue light of lunar magic. Then, resounding across the desolate moon, a quiet, somber voice began to speak:
My Dearest Sister Celestia,
I could begin with a million different introductions, but I fear that my time is already running short. Just as ponies pray for a spark of saving grace to cradle their final words, so too have the Elements of Harmony gifted me with a moment of clarity before I succumb to the Nightmare. I know not how or when these words will reach you, but I pray they do, for both our sakes. Thus, I have enchanted these words so that you might hear them when your heart is ready to forgive me, but more importantly, yourself for what happened tonight.
I… I understand what you have done and why, and I wish for you to know that despite your actions, I do not begrudge my blessings of happiness upon you. Even for immortals like us, a second spent in resentment is time ill-spent, and I fear that this banishment, how ever long it may be, will drive my life into unimaginable debt. As if I did not already owe you so much for being able to do what I could not, for being able to push aside your personal feelings and act in the better interest of Equestria. Even though it may not seem like such a blessing for either of us right now, I wish you to know that I am grateful for your mercy. By banishing me, you have spared my conscience the torment of shedding even more innocent blood in our war. I only regret that I cannot do the same for you.
Perhaps it may seem to your tender heart that my punishment is too high, too much to bear, but even as I look out onto the frozen horizon, onto the empty years I undoubtedly will have here, I believe it pales in comparison to your burden.
I know you, Celestia. Once you pick up the pieces of the mess I caused, you will have to return to your normal life of ruling Equestria and protecting it from harm. For what else can the nation’s guiding light be expected to do after such a crisis? You will hold the suffering ponies together, even while you yourself are breaking inside. You will heal the scars of the land, restore order after the war, and Equestria’s ponies will continue on as if my rebellion was nothing more than a nightmare.
But what of you, Celestia? For you are the one I fear for, my beloved sister. You have always been able to stand alone, and I have always been so weak, so useless compared to you. Still, I would like to imagine that even you need a shoulder to cry on at times, and… perhaps my banishment has affected you to that degree.
I know quite well, perhaps better than anypony, the damages negative emotions can have on a pony’s heart. My night was meant to be a symbol of peace, beauty, and love, but now that I have fallen to hatred, I fear that I myself embody quite the opposite. I can only hope that the mistakes I made will serve as a reminder to you, lest even you fall down the same dark path I now tread. I understand that you have every right to hate me, and I cannot hope for your mercy now, but please, Sister, if you ever loved me, I beseech you to not let that hatred control you. I do not deserve to have that kind of power over you.
I saw how the cruel world of politics locked you in isolation, but please, for your own sake, look past that. Open your heart and let the healing love of ponies close to you heal it. Remember to smile, to love, to laugh, but please, forget me, and all the horrible mistakes I made. I made my choice, and now there’s nopony to pay but me. Justice has been served, so let me go to the death of this moon and cast aside your guilt of the living. You are not to blame, Celestia. You never were.
And… I want you to know that wherever you go, you will always have my heart. Despite all the evil I committed and all the ways I hurt you, I hope you will come to understand that everything I have ever done has spawned from my love for you.
Rejoice, my sister, for by my defeat, you have been exalted. You need no longer be ashamed of me. Consider this, the first and last letter of my heart, as my tears which set you free. It is all I can give you now.
I may not have given you usefulness, my sister, but you will always have my useless love.
Your sister eternal, Luna
Then just like that, the magical words flowed back into the orb, and the crack in Luna’s magic sealed once more, leaving Celestia sitting forlorn and lost as Luna’s message sank in.
“Why?” Celestia murmured. “Why? Why does she think she has to keep sacrificing herself for me? Luna, you expect too much from me. Even after all the times you rescued me, I’m still too weak to save you now.”
With tear-filled eyes, Celestia tilted her head back to gaze upon the remnants of Luna’s magic, a glittery silver dust that shone like a second layer of stars in the sky, only to gently fall like snowflakes. The sight was painstakingly beautiful, and a special, indescribable magic swept over Celestia as it fell over the moonscape, landed in her shimmering mane, and passed through the darkness of the Nightmare Creatures to shine like stars once more…
Wait. Luna’s magic had been able to penetrate the wall of nightmares, even when Celestia’s had not. Celestia turned to see the orb of Luna’s magic, and thus, the pieces fell into her golden window of opportunity.
Celestia levitated the orb over to her and gazed into its swirling depths, filled with that same indescribable magic. Peace. Beauty. Love. These are all found in Luna’s night. That’s what she was trying to show me all those centuries ago, even though I never bothered to look. But I understand it now.
At Celestia’s thoughts, the orb hummed with a sudden intensity, and in the same moment, she was struck with an idea. It was a crazy, stupid idea. Nothing like this had ever happened before, and the chances of failure were staggeringly high. But that was just it. They were chances. And with chances, there was always hope. Hope to make the impossible possible, and bring about a miracle.
The princess took a deep, steading breath as she heard the screeching of the Nightmare Creatures behind her. Celestia knew that somewhere amidst that howling, there were also the screams of her sister, and that could not be ignored. She had to act now.
With a loud cry, Celestia released her magic and shattered the orb.
Immediately on impact, the broken fragments rose in a mist to engulf Celestia with Luna’s power. She could feel the magic leaking into her, bubbling like laughter that lifted her spirit. Her body now exuded a halo of moonlight, and starlight gleamed in silver strands woven through her astral mane. Navy blue fire blazed at her wingtips to emit a ghostly aura. The flames pooled at her hooves and trailed upward, creating a mesmerizing pattern of swirls against her alabaster fur. Starlight shone through her cuts and bruises, making the princess a collage of mortal wounds and divine grace. She had now taken on the power of both sun and moon.
In any other situation, Celestia would have stopped to fully admire her transformation, but she hardly gave it a second glance in her urgency. It was borrowed beauty, and she was going to give it back.
The pain from merely standing was excruciating, but it had been resolutely pushed to the back of her mind as she galloped straight towards the Nightmare Creatures. No longer did she wish the strike down the phantoms with brute solar force; rather, she almost danced through the shadows, slipping through the cracks with the elusiveness of night, and in a moment of submission, let them grab her and pull her through. She watched as they seemed to part the way for her, only to seal into an impenetrable wall once more.
But the hardest part had only yet to come. Celestia was now presumably in the eye of the storm, but there was no calm or serenity to be found. For Luna was in the very center, wailing like a banshee, as the ghostly Nightmares literally passed through her, sending jolts of pain through her body. Each time, some of the shadows clung to her coat, turning her fur ever darker, her mane ever more ethereal. They began to yank on her legs, stretching the ligaments and tissues to the point of snapping, to make her taller in stature, rivaling even Celestia’s height. But worst of all were her eyes, brimming with tears and wide with fear. Celestia watched as her pupils dilated, forming snake-like slits…
“Luna!” Celestia screamed, running towards her sister. Not knowing what else to do, she threw her forehooves around Luna in a protective embrace as she convulsed in pain. “Get away from her!” Celestia screeched at the approaching Nightmares. But they disregarded the sun princess and continued to advance, flooding Luna with memories of all her painful mistakes, which she was now being forced to relive.
“Come on, Luna, look at me!” Celestia cried above the deafening howling of the circling Nightmare Creatures. “You can fight them, Luna! Please, come back to me! Open your eyes, and see that it’s all a dream!”
But Luna’s eyes were glazed and distant, trapped in the past, and her sister’s pleas fell on deaf ears. Her eyes began to roll back in her head, and blood began to froth from her mouth.
“No!” Celestia screamed, shaking Luna’s limp form. “No, you can’t do this again! You can’t leave me, not now! Please, let me save you!”
“I DO NOT WANT TO BE SAVED!” Luna screamed, jerking violently as the Nightmare began to take her mind.
“Oh Luna,” Celestia sobbed as the darkness of Nightmare Moon began to creep up her coat. “Please don’t do this. P-Please… I n-need you.”
“Lies,” Luna hissed. “You never needed me, or my night.” Roughly pushing Celestia aside, Luna arose, letting the Nightmares’ dark aura seep into her, until she opened her eyes, the eyes of a Nightmare herself. A new Queen of Nightmares stood before Celestia, reborn from anger like the former, only now it was not anger directed at others, but at her own self and own failings. There was no vengeance in her heart, only sorrow and grief.
And of course, insanity.
With those same crazed eyes, Nightmare Moon bent her head, pointing her horn straight at Celestia in preparation to fire a spell at her sister, who had already closed her eyes shut in pain. How could this be happening? Give her a few golden hours of hope, only to yank her back into her thousand-year nightmare? What kind of cruelty was that?
Enough, Celestia decided. She wasn’t going to endure this anymore. A life without Luna wasn’t worth living, not if it meant perpetual loneliness.
I’ve been living a nightmare, Celestia thought. Maybe death is just waking up.
Celestia squeezed her eyes tightly shut, bracing herself for the death blow, but it never came. Had it already happened, and was too quick for her to feel the pain? After eternal seconds of agonizing uncertainty, Celestia opened her eyes to find her surprise reflected equally in Nightmare Moon’s. For although her expression was screwed up in the utmost concentration of spellcasting, not so much as a spark of magic flickered from her onyx horn.
Of course. That was because Nightmare Moon had no more magic. Luna had given it to Celestia, knowing it would leave her dark self powerless, and thus completely at her sister’s mercy.
This was incredibly dangerous. Without a reserve of magic to center the corruption, it could easily lose control inside of Luna’s fragile form, resulting in… well, Celestia couldn’t even bear to think it. No longer was this a fight for Luna’s mind. Now, it was a fight for her very life.
The Nightmare Creatures knew it too. Without being able to draw power from Luna’s magic, and their very residence within her becoming ever more unstable, their hold on her flickered as she constantly switched back between Nightmare Moon and Princess Luna, giving Celestia her final window of opportunity.
There wasn’t much time. There was only one way, a desperate and crazy idea, Celestia could think of to bring her sister out of the Nightmare.
“Hold on, Luna,” Celestia cried to her sister, now trembling violently as Celestia cradled her in her hooves.
There wasn’t time to think. She couldn’t second guess herself. Throwing her last hope to the heavens, Celestia grabbed the nearest Nightmare Creature with her magic, then took her sister’s hoof and dragged it into the shadow.
Luna’s screams rose to glass-shattering high decibels. “No, no,” she whimpered as she drowned in the memory, “I don’t want to see this anymore.”
“Luna, it’s going to be fine, I promise you,” Celestia said. “Just hold on, okay? Don’t you understand now? None of what you’re seeing is real, my sister.”
Luna opened her eyes to see the shadows of the nightmare disperse, leaving nothing but glowing blue cytoplasm to shine through, a clear, bright, untarnished memory.
“Sister,” Luna breathed faintly.
“Yes, sister, you’re right,” Celestia murmured, clinging to her protectively. “You’re alright. I… I know it hurts, Luna, but you can’t keep living in the past. What’s done is done, and holding onto it is only going to make things worse. Fear will only cloud you. Accept memories for what they are, take their lessons, and let them go.”
Grimacing, Luna shakily drew her hoof from the memory, like pulling a dagger from a stab wound, and watched as it tumbled into ashes. Then, with tears streaming down her cheeks, Luna uttered loud, wrenching cry, spoken without words but bearing the weight of the millions of words she had carved into the moon over a thousand years. All the bottled up pain and anger that had plagued her now bled into that one cry, which resounded and rose to the heavens, where it belonged.
The sheer force of her yell was enough to blow away the smoke and shadows of the circling Nightmare Creatures. One by one, the darkness faded until the two sisters found themselves surrounded on all sides by the same peaceful blue aura of Luna’s memories, the same piercing color of her eyes.
“You said you didn’t want to be alone, Luna,” Celestia said, watching the sparks of blue light circle above them, “so let me in again. Let’s fix our mistakes and start over. My sweet, beloved sister, throughout all the centuries I have suffered without you, your mere memory was my greatest strength. I believe that life only sends us burdens we are strong enough to bear, and you are stronger than any pony I know. If anypony can fight this, it will be you.
“Remember that your past is not your future, Luna, not unless you make it so. We are not forced to walk a predestined path, but we must walk if we are to endure. Bury all the regrets and just keep walking until you return to me.”
Celestia looked down to see Luna slightly nod before she winced in pain at all the suppressed memories that were flooding into her. The sun princess’ gentle heart ached as she watched Luna slip deeper into her nightmare. Diamond tears leaked from the corners of her tightly shut eyes as she forced down a scream, but she still persisted, fighting for herself and the sister she loved. It was a moment Celestia would look back on with pain and pride for the rest of her life.
“Wake up, my little pony,” Celestia cried, her own tears dripping like falling stars to mingle with Luna’s. “It’s just a nightmare.”
Then Celestia let out a sigh, knowing that she could do nothing more. Though she would still remain with her sister, this was now Luna’s fight. So Celestia simply cradled Luna in her forehooves and stroked her mane soothingly, all the while whispering like a prayer:
“I love you, my sister, and I need you. I love you, my sister, and I remember you. I love you, my sister, and I forgive you.”
It could have been another thousand years for all Celestia knew or cared until she noticed the sapphire magic of Luna’s memories floating upward and dispersing like a million fireworks, only to reform into a million butterflies, with eyes of stars and wings of hearts. They flew higher, spiraling and rising to dance with the stars, until the whole sky was a mirage of shimmering blue. Sparkles trailed from their wingtips, acting like the finest paintbrushes to adorn the sky with newly born constellations. Silver strands branched the stars like a necklace chain, setting the entire world aglow in radiant light.
And Celestia looked up at it all, awestruck in wonder at the masterpiece she was so privileged to witness. To the ponies below, it was just another night sky, but to Celestia, it was so much more than that. She would have traded anything in the world to simply bottle up this moment and relive it her entire life.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
Celestia looked down just as Luna flickered open her eyes, now filled with love and kindness once again.
Celestia made a small choking noise, halfway between a laugh and a cry, at the sight of those sapphire jewels shining again. Then, with a teary eyed smile, the almighty Princess of the Sun did something any dignified, respected, upstanding ruler would do.
She bawled like a newborn foal.
“Luna!” Celestia cried, flinging her forelegs around Luna’s neck in a death hug, causing poor little Luna to nearly topple over because of a mare twice her size. “How could you? How could you run off and leave me like that? Do you know how long I wandered around here looking for you? Well, I don't know either, but it was a really long time! Do you have any idea how terrified I was? Your life isn’t just your own, you know! The thought… of me losing you again… I just couldn’t… Lulu… I…”
“Shh, Tia, it’s alright,” Luna replied, her eyes wide open in surprise at her elder sister’s outburst. Uncertain of what else to do, she clumsily patted her sister on the back while Celestia let forth great, heaving sobs, complete with sniffles and puffy red eyes, as she clung to Luna for dear life. “Tia, I’m alright,” Luna murmured soothingly. “Everything’s fine. Hush now, there’s no need to cry.”
“But it’s not alright!” Celestia cried. “I… I almost lost you again! After all those awful centuries spent waiting for you to return, and it almost didn’t happen! Do you realize how much that hurts, Luna? You c-can’t just leave me like that, like you did a thousand years ago. You may have been the one banished, Luna, but that doesn’t mean you were the only one in pain! After you left, I started having nightmares about you! I was so scared of myself, wondering if my grief would transform me into a nightmare too. For the first few weeks, I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t do anything without thinking of you. How could I be expected to lead a country without you? How could I do anything when you weren’t at my side? I kept seeing you everywhere; I thought I was going insane. I actually had to have half a dozen guards come with me when I raised the moon to keep me from throwing myself off the balcony in my grief.
“And even after all the drama died down, the pain never really went away. It just became bittersweet, a dull ache that was both a burden and a treasure, because it was a reminder of you. I wouldn’t let myself stop working once in a thousand years because I knew I would just start thinking of you, as if I didn’t enough already. Luna, every second of every day of every century, every single moment of my life has been spent missing you. But now you’re here, and I… Please, don’t leave me again.”
“Of course, Celestia,” Luna murmured, feeling her fur dampen from her sister’s tears. “I’m sorry. So, so sorry.”
Luna held Celestia as a fresh wave of tears washed over her again. After letting out her own millennia worth of sadness, Celestia finally released her death grip on Luna and impatiently brushed aside her tears. “I’m sorry, Luna,” Celestia said. “I just needed to get that out.”
“I can imagine,” Luna answered. “I think we’ve both been in pain for a very long time.”
Celestia only nodded with a teary-eyed smile, her sobs steadily dying down into quiet little hiccups.
Luna took her sister’s hooves in hers. “Celestia, thank you for saving me. Because of you, my heart has been lighter than I can possibly remember. Closure, acceptance, a second chance… all of it is a gift far beyond what I ever imagined from anypony.
“But… it’s a gift I can’t accept.”
“What?” Celestia cried. “Luna, didn’t you hear any of what I just said?”
“Yes, and I understand. The last thing I ever want to do is leave you, now that my past has been laid to rest. But… who’s to say that my future won’t be just as dark? Celestia, I know much has changed over a thousand years, but one thing that has remained consistent is pony nature. Most ponies are mistrusting and unwilling to accept a reformed Nightmare Moon into their hearts. After the initial celebration, they will come to second guess you, me, us, and our entire nation. Equestria may not be able to survive that.
“And I… I still have as much potential for jealousy than I ever did. The release of the Nightmare Creatures does not change this. Most ponies still favor the sun over the moon. You have experienced for a thousand years the pain of being alone in a room full of ponies. I will not trade this isolation for another. I will not allow us to be hurt any more than we already are. And I… I can’t let you keep going around saving me. I won’t have you love me out of pity. I don’t want to constantly run around trying to please you, lest you take away your love. If I allow myself to live in that kind of fear, then the nightmares have already won.”
“You don’t need me, Celestia,” Luna said finally. “You never did, and now, here’s your proof.”
Celestia looked down at herself to realize she was still cloaked in Luna’s magic, while Luna had reverted to the form of a magicless filly. Embarrassed, Celestia let the lunar magic drain away from her, forming a shimmering orb, which she handed to Luna. Luna wordlessly took back her power and allowed it to enter her again, restoring herself to her pervious stellar majesty.
And yet, she still looked like the sad little filly from before, with her head drooping and her eyes darting back to see her crescent moon cutie mark, the symbol of her greatest talent, only to then shut her eyes tight in shame. She really does think she’s useless, doesn’t she? Celestia lamented.
After eternal seconds of silence, Celestia finally said, “Luna, come with me.”
Luna’s head jerked upright, startled. “What?”
“Come with me,” she repeated more firmly. “This time, I have something to show you.”
Luna was doubtful, but nevertheless, she let herself fall into step behind Celestia, as she led them across the desolate moonscape. At first, Luna believed Celestia had no intent destination, as she was merely walking in a straight line with little variance in her course, but after a while, she began to see a thin line form across the horizon. The line darkened and thickened, bending into a curve as it rose above the dead grey moonscape to reveal a world of vibrant blues and greens.
It had been proven hundreds of millennia ago by hundreds of scientists that the moon and the planet weren't flat, but Luna would have denied them all in that one instant if given the chance. For it felt as though she was standing on the very edge of the moon, with nothing but an empty freefall separating her from the wondrous planet below.
“Just think of how many ponies are down there,” Celestia said as she stood next to Luna on the edge of their imaginary cliff. “All of them with separate lives and hopes and dreams and destinies. And of course, their separate cutie marks.
“Over the centuries, I think the term ‘special talent’ has become a bit of a misnomer. Certainly, a cutie mark symbolizes the discovery of a pony’s greatest strength in life, and should never be undermined, but one has to question the true uniqueness of it all. While perhaps they may all have a special flourish in their craft, I have met thousands of different artists, engineers, doctors, writers, accountants, musicians, and a plethora of other talented ponies, all sharing similar fields. The foolish one might ask what is the loss of one in a crowd of thousands, but the wise asks what would we be without that one pony.
“The practical pony could say that while the craft may be dear to the heart, most any pony could be called upon to take their place if the situation called for it. Who needs a Princess of the Sun when enough unicorns can cycle the day themselves? All our talents can become useless some time or another. And I’ve seen more ponies than I care to count struggle relentlessly to find that fulfillment we all so crave, and even more who, even after it is discovered, still find their lives lacking of purpose, for what good is a talent with no heart to drive it? And I know of one particular pony who loved her talent with all her heart, but suffered as she was unable to share that love with those closest to her. It is a burden many have to bear, sometimes throughout their entire lives.
“But what happens if we take one pony out of the equation? Sure, the sun and moon will still rise, and seasons will still come and go, for that is the cycle of life. But I do not believe that life will ever truly be the same after such a loss. I like to say that we're all connected in one way or another, needed not just for our practical use, but for who we are.
“Throughout the centuries, I have remembered those valiant ponies who have stayed by my side, from the first year of my reign to the thousandth, but not just because they were my advisors. I do not remember Apple Harvest for the blooming apple tree on his flank, but for his constant reliability, his down-to-earth humor, and his ever-present support as my advisor. Sunshine Diamonds was not just some noblemare with a talent for running her father’s mining company, but a generous friend who went out of her way to mow down my political opposition, even as I let her get swept up in the chaos as well. It was my maid Rose Petal, not an image of a pink, heart-shaped rose bouquet, who held me as I cried after I awoke screaming from a nightmare I had of you.
“I did need these ponies’ talents, but I needed them even more. They are the ones who shaped me, for better or for worse, into the pony I am today. Even though I cried as one by one they had to leave me, I wouldn’t trade those experiences for anything, just as I would never trade you, my sister. Their gifts were replaceable, but never their hearts.
“One might ask why we need music or art or poetry, all those useless things that will never do us any actual good. Why should we laugh or love, make friends or get married and have children? Isn’t it all time wasted, a missed opportunity to do something practical with our lives? But then what is the point of slaving away for the sake of a life we find nothing worth living for?
“Maybe peace, beauty, and love are not necessary for survival, but that’s precisely the point. There is a difference between surviving and actually living, Luna, something I didn’t realize before it was too late. For a thousand years, my sister, you have been my hope, my strength, and my joy upon which I have made our dreams of a nation come to life in the hopes that someday you would look upon it with pride. All this was done in your absence, and now, I hope to experience those same things with you, only with none of none of the bitterness and all of the love.
“You may not wish to return as Equestria’s princess or my sister, but I pray that you do indeed return, and you do not spend your life alone. We may be the Celestial Sisters, immortalized in books and monuments and dedications, but what good is a life frozen in granite statues and pressed against a page? It means nothing. We are spoken of but unknown, celebrated but not understood, remembered but unloved. It is only in the fleeting mortal heart of a pony we love that I believe we can ever live with meaning. And for me, you will always be that pony, now and forever. You, not your talent or title, are what gives my body purpose, my mind meaning, and my heart life.
“My beloved sister Luna, I need you more than anything. In all that I have accomplished with an empty heart of grief, I would throw it all away for love, the most beautiful and useless thing my heart has ever known.”
Celestia, now drained from that emotion, watched cautiously as Luna let those words, those preciously, life-giving words, sink into the very depths of her heart.
“You… You really mean it, don’t you, sister?” Luna marveled, her voice breathy in wonder and awe.
“Luna, are you… crying?” Celestia asked, watching tears adorn her face like beads of morning dew.
But Luna paid the tears no attention. “You really mean it,” she cried with joy. “After all this time, and I never realized. Oh Celestia, how silly I’ve been!”
With the purest smile adorning her face, Luna went to hug Celestia once again, only this time there were no tears, only joy. “Of course I will stay with you, Celestia,” Luna rejoiced. “I couldn’t imagine a life without you.”
When they finally let go, Luna looked out onto the desolate moonscape, where the words of Nightmare Moon’s hatred were spread before her. She flinched at the sight but did not look away. As she walked towards the light, she had to accept the shadow left behind her.
“Celestia,” Luna asked softly, “what did you do with your diary after I was banished?”
“At first, I wanted to burn it, but eventually I decided to keep it,” Celestia answered. “I still have it to this day, though I haven’t written in it since. Every so often I’ll open it up and read it, to both remind myself of my happy memories of you and remind myself of the mare I once was and cannot be again.”
Luna nodded. “Then I will keep these words here as well,” she declared. “Erasing them would not erase the memories, and it would be an insult to my suffering if the scars could heal that easily. Let them remain here, as a lesson for myself and others, while I strive to write through my actions a new message of hope.”
“A wise decision,” Celestia praised.
“Although,” Luna added, this time with not quite so much certainty, “I would like to write one last entry, if you find it prudent.”
Celestia nodded in understanding. “Like a closing letter.”
“A goodbye and a greeting, more like,” Luna amended. “This is not the end for me.”
Wordlessly, Luna went over to an empty patch of moondust, knelt down, and like she had done for so many centuries, scrapped her hoof against the bedrock and began to write:
Dear My Cruelest Self,
What an odd way for me to begin, you might wonder, but nevertheless, it is the only title I find truly fitting. For I am not just speaking of the self of Nightmare Moon, but of any time throughout my life where I have displayed the same antithesis of harmony, of the mare I wish to be. I suppose this letter is addressed to all my mistakes, those little lying selves and false perceptions of myself, which I have now laid to rest. Consider this your obituary of sorts.
My life has been rather… contradictory as of late. Then again, I believe it has always been, and will continue to be. A frustrating sort of clash between good and evil, harmony and chaos, that can only be found in the complex entities of ponykind. This goodbye is not the denial of this truth, but the acceptance. For I have come to understand that the wickedness of Nightmare Moon was a necessary part of my life, and though perhaps not quite as dramatic, a necessary part of all ponies. Balance, in sense, though one not contrived but natural, occurring by the mere existence of an antithesis. It is a balance, believe it or not, that I am grateful for. For without the day, there would be no moonrise, a chance for the night to start fresh as it begins again. Renewal. Forgiveness. I believe I shall be experiencing much of that back home.
So in that same spirit, I wish to tell you how sorry I am for your suffering. For you have suffered, even if you do not realize it, by succumbing to hatred and despair. That is the ultimate trap, is it not, to lose so much that you cannot remember what you had in the first place? It is a pitiful fate, and one I would not wish upon anypony. However, I wish to thank you as well, for it was by that fire that I was tempered into a stronger mare, able to shoulder more of the pain of this suffering world.
But it will never heal, no matter how much pain I bear. I understand that. Nor do I believe the scars of a thousand years will ever fully heal for me. But I am fine with that. A continuously hurting world means infinite chances for my redemption, does it not? And even though I will try, I know that none of my efforts can pay for all that time I wasted in bitterness and anger against the one who loved me most and chose to forgive me. Nothing I can do can repay that mercy. So I suppose all I can do is apologize.
Forgive me now for not being able to take you with me as I leave you here. Forgive me in the past for leading you down the rotten paths you wander. And forgive me in the future, for I know I will send others like you to die in ashes. Oh, how I wish a thousand years in exile could craft perfection, but I fear I will continue to stumble, creating those nightmares once again. But unlike before, I will not ignore them, but bury them in the ground and simply keep walking. And as I walk, I know I shall turn around, turn to see the graveyard that trails behind me, and wonder how much of me there is left to die.
I suppose we will find out at the end of the road.
Yours in unison and separation, My Dying, Enduring Self
With a deep sigh, Luna stopped writing and tilted her head back to see the millions of butterflies, the manifestation of her memories, begin to flicker out and fade.
“They’re… dying,” Luna wondered aloud.
“Dying, but not forgotten,” Celestia added, looking up at the beautiful sky in admiration. “They can’t stay forever, you know.”
“Just like us, I suppose,” Luna said, a hint of disappointment in her voice. “We should probably be teleporting back to Equestria now. I’m sure the guards are wondering where we are.”
Celestia only smiled. “They can wait,” she reassured. “For you I have eternity.”
“Well, alright then,” Luna said pleasantly. “I suppose we do have some catching up to do. My goodness, what does one say after such a long time away?”
“After a thousand years of heartbreaking separation?” Celestia asked with a gentle smile. “Absolutely nothing.”
So leaning against each other for support, the two sisters laid together in the moondust, surrounded by the calm, peaceful darkness of Luna’s night, under the quiet watchfulness of the stars. Silence wrapped around them like a comforting blanket, imparting more than mere words ever could. They watched like wondrous little fillies as up above the butterflies crumpled like paper and streaked to the ground in glittering trails of fire, only to turn to ash and cover up the words of Nightmare Moon under their warm grey coat. No weather ponies were needed to choreograph such a spectacular sight as one by one the pale blue lights winked out, as if a little cosmic goodbye wave, and hurtled into death. However, it would soon be discovered that the butterflies would rise from their ashes once a year, to complete the same cycle of destruction and renewal, again and again, in all its wonderful beauty.
“I just can’t believe it,” Luna said, tears of joy leaking from her eyes. “After a thousand years, it’s finally here.”
“It has been a long time coming, hasn’t it?” Celestia agreed softly, not taking her eyes off the miraculous sight. “But it’s ever, ever so beautiful.”
So while the ponies of Equestria celebrated the rising of the Summer Sun below, the two sisters stayed and celebrated the rising of something much more beautiful, as they watched the meteor shower all night long.
