Applebuck Season
My name is Robin, and I’m a brony.
A little over a year ago, I got transported to Equestria. I don’t know how it happened, but I guess you can consider me one lucky sonovagun. I miss my old life. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great here, and I’m living the dream, but back home, back on my world, my Earth, there are people who missed me. And because of that, I guess I’m feeling homesick. The mane six befriended me easily, but only after I was subjected to various tests that demonstrated only that I’m not that bad a guy. And they’ve been trying to help me adapt ever since.
I got a job around Ponyville as a handyman, doing whatever needed to be done, so long as the pay is right. I’ve worked with just about everypony in Ponyville, so I’ve become a mostly familiar face throughout. And since everypony knows what I do, I’m always asked if I can help fix, build, clean, or do some other odd job for somepony who has the money but lacks the motivation to do what needs to be done on their own. Not that I minded. The pay was always good.
It’s around that time of year, Applebuck Season. The Apple family needed to work hard to harvest the apples for this year. Applejack normally likes to work the orchard on her own, but at the time, I was going through a dry spell with my work. With no source of income, I basically had to offer my services, and negotiate a lower than usual price to have me help. It didn’t matter, the price I sold my services at was just enough to cover the bills, so I couldn’t complain.
I should have known there was something wrong at the time. Applejack was a lot more apprehensive than I thought she would be, and she’s been looking worn out a lot. Perhaps if I had known then what I know now, perhaps if I studied more on Equestrian physiology, then I wouldn’t have found myself in that situation. Now, I’m not a clopper by any means. Ponies just don’t turn me on. I love these mares with whom I’ve made friends, but I mean that in a strictly platonic way. Unfortunately, when their cycles hit, ‘No’ is not an answer.
As I stood out there in the hot, broiling sun of the orchard, I caught my breath. Being that I had nowhere near the strength in my legs a pony like Applejack or Rainbow Dash does, I was using a sledge hammer to knock apples out of the trees. You should see it. It’s like one of those big wooden mallets that guy who smashes watermelons uses. But I digress. As soon as I had the energy, I took the hammer, and swung it as hard as I can, pivoting my entire body, and putting every muscle I had in the swing.
I slammed the mallet in the base of the tree, rattling the entire thing. A plethora of apples fell from the sky above me, and a couple knocked into my head. I had to quickly shield myself with my arms. I hadn’t done this job often enough to get the hang of this, and it showed. As soon as I heard the last apple fall, I reached up to my scalp, and winced. I remember thinking that I was gonna have a couple goose eggs from those apples. I recovered, however. If I didn’t do my job, I wasn’t gonna get paid. That in my still functioning mind, I bent down, and began collecting the apples on the ground, putting them in a basket near the tree.
As I finished gathering up the apples around this particular tree, I saw Applejack, strolling up to me with a tray of lemonade, which in this sun, I was grateful for. I assumed Applejack was just as busy as I was, as she was panting heavily, her cheeks flushed. She took a moment to compose herself, before speaking. "Mighty fine 'a ya to help us 'round these parts, Robin." She told me, as I moved the basket into a nearby wheelbarrow. Something in the inflection of her voice should’ve tipped me off then and there, but I was too tired to care.
I gave her a polite smile, taking one of the glasses from the tray. I gave a quick cheers, before gulping down half the sweet, tangy drink in the glass. After which, I lowered the glass, and actually said something. “No problem, AJ.” I told her, as I looked her over. “I’m glad I can be…” Her body’s threw me off for a second. She was looking at me with inviting “Bedroom” eyes, and her hind legs were twisting together, as if she was rubbing them.
And that’s when it hit me.
“Ah ‘preciate th’ hard work yer doin’.” Applejack panted, eyeing me with hunger. “Why don’t ya’ll come an’ take a break with lil’ ol’ me?” She asked, fluttering her eyelids.
The lemonade dropped from my hand, as an indiscernible liquid dropped from her nethers. She glanced at her flank, following my gaze, and smiled. Turning around Applejack raised her tail, putting her pink slit and pucker on display for me to see, as if she were trying to entice me. “Maybe there’s another job ya’ll kin do fer me, sugarcube.” She said seductively. “Ah need yah. Mah naughty bits ain’t had nuthin’ in ‘em that weren’t made outta rubber since ah began feelin’ mah cycle. Ah’m a bit pent up, and ah’d appreciate a good ruttin’.”
I was battling a bad case of OH GOD WHY BONER at this point. I could never see myself with anyone who wasn’t human. And try as I might, I couldn’t get past that mental barrier. I vividly remember her winking at me, even though both of her eyes were looking at me the entire time. And a thin line of liquid dripped down from between her legs, landing on the ground. I mustered enough dignity to speak, saying only one word. “No.”
Applejack frowned at me, and turned to look at me. “What‘re you on ‘bout? Ain’t yer willy beggin’ fer a little action? Ya’ll cain’t denah a perty thing like me!”
“I can if I’m not into ponies, AJ.” I said, standing firm, and looking away. “I’m sorry. I appreciate that you chose me to be your source of relief, but I’m not at all turned on by yooooowhat are you doing?!” I exclaimed, feeling her unzip my pants with her teeth.
She looked up at me, tearfully angry with my decision. “Ah AIN’T takin’ no ‘fer an answer, Sugarcube.” She told me, shoving me back into the tree with her hooves. “‘Sides, you say no, but lil’ Robin here says yes.” She observed, as her tongue snaked it’s way into my boxers, whipping out my cock.
I felt utterly humiliated. Here I was, about to be raped by one of my best friends. I knew that I couldn’t run, she was as fast as a horse. And I couldn’t overpower her, she knocked trees around on a daily basis. A warmth washed over me from my embarrassment, and it got hot real quick. My Old Spice was working overtime, ‘cause when it gets hot, I sweat. And when I sweat…
I suddenly heard a noise, distant as it was. But it was growing louder, as if the noise was drawing closer. All of a sudden, two buff looking arms from a big angry black man sprouted from the tree behind me, and the noise of a triumphant yell drew ever closer.
"aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--"
There was a wood splintering kaboom as something else appeared from the tree above my head. I looked up, and saw my lord and savior, Terry Crews, yelling like a madman. "--AAAAAAAAAAAAAOLD SPICE BODY WASH IS TOO POWERFUL TO LET THIS MARE BE IN HEAT!" He announced, interrupting the pony rape.
Shocked out of her mind, Applejack stumbled backwards, and I scuttle away, as Terry stands to his full height, lifting the apple tree out of the ground by it’s roots, and revealing his massive legs. "M-Mah apple tree!" Applejack shouted in despair.
Terry glared down at Applejack. "OLD SPICE BODY WASH IS THE APPLE TREE!" He declared with the voice of Olympus. In a sudden act of God, all the trees in the orchard suddenly turned into various Old Spice products. Before Applejack could register what was happened, Terry performed a pelvic thrust, shattering thee tree that he sprouted from. A hose appeared from the front of his shorts, spraying Applejack down with a jet of Old Spice Body Wash. The force was so great, that the sex crazed mare slipped and slid along the stream at a speed comparable to Rainbow Dash in an air race. Within minutes, she’d be halfway to Cantterlot.
I sighed in relief, as I stood up, fixing my pants. I looked over at my lord, and bowed. “Praise be to Terry Crews!” I exalted.
He responded with his signature yell. “OLD SPICE ALWAYS HAS YOUR BACK!” The great Terry Crews then hopped up on a tree sized bottle of Old Spice Body Spray, which began to take off like a rocket, stiffly flying across Ponyville, and showering it with it’s heavenly fragrance.
I saluted this true American hero.