Under threat from a possible war between Princess Celestia of Equestria and Oda Nobunaga of Japan, William the First of the Dutch invites the bickering world leaders to a peace talk. Stupidity ensues.
A science victory, that’s all William van Oranje ever wanted for his fair Dutch people. But, as political relations between Japan and Equestria crumble, and several other nations are beginning to pick sides, it seems obvious that a war is coming. Pressured to pick a side of his own, William decides to take a road normally not taken and try to negotiate peace between the nations. Inviting Princess Celestia of Equestria and Oda Nobunaga of Japan to the wonderful city of Amsterdam, William firmly believes that he can personally coerce the bumbling tyrants to not declare a world war that would possibly tear the planet apart. Unfortunately, peace and tranquility are a hard to acquire gift when dealing with absolute twits.
William the First caressed his head in pain. It was only 10:15 in the morning and an awful headache was already coming on. Work had started early that day, so in suit, his bothers started early as well.
Much went on in his far spanning Dutch empire and there was never a moment that he found himself at peace. There always was a shortage of strategic resources or city-state relations to attend to or a war brewing between different leaders or his World Wonders being surpassed by another kingdom or him being behind in era advancement or one of his spy’s being killed or even the dreaded scenario of him running low on money. The world never slept and recently it seemed he never slept.
The current problem on the table was the increasing hostilities between the Japanese and Equestrian empires. What had started as an uneasy alliance between the seven world powers had quickly devolved into a hotbed of arguing and heavy handed threats.
Not a day passed without William receiving a call from both Princess Celestia and Oda Nobunaga about declaring war on the other. He being the wise and easily bothered ruler, almost always responded with the same remark to both of them: “Sorry, but this deal does not interest us.”
The problem was, several other leaders were actually starting to pick sides in this possible world conflict. The Incas and the Americans had joined up with Celestia, were as the French and the Papal States (he’s playing with mods) sided with Nobunaga. The scary part about the recent developments was that William, at some point or the other, would have to take a side in the war.
His normal stance of neutrality in such scenarios almost always worked in accordance to his relationships with the other world leaders. However, several of his formers friends had begun to dislike his middle stance on the matter and he was starting to receive some “encouraging” messages from his buddies to pick a side.
Now William had no particular like or dislike of Japan or Equestria. He saw their worldwide conflict as an obstacle to his eventual science victory (he was close to industrialization, just a few more turns!) But the fact of the matter was, the world war would most certainly drain each sides pockets and destabilize the political environment for several turns. No matter who won, he would have to invest in a bigger military to stave of any potential threat of counter-attack from one of the factions.
Deciding to have none of this, William had concocted a brilliant solution to the entire imminent war. He would invite Oda Nobunaga and Celestia to his fair city of Amsterdam to negotiate a peace between the nations. He felt confident in his speaking abilities and wide assortment of wealth to surely sway the bickering rulers into some semblance of order. He just knew he could do!
As he awaited the arrival of the leaders, he quickly spruced up his office in preparation for the peace talks. He placed files into their cabinets, straightened his baggy Renaissance era robes, and made sure he was holding his special red and yellow book at all times. Feeling prepared, he stared out his glass panned window as he awaited the tell tale notification from his secretary.
He was only fifteen minutes into his staring when his office phone rang. Hitting the speaker phone button, he cleared his throat. “Yes, Beatrice. What is it?” he asked, already knowing why she called.
“Ms. Celestia and Mr. Nobunaga are here to see you, sir.”
“Send them in Beatrice, I am ready.” He clicked the end call button before she could respond. Moving back over to the window, he wasn’t able to get another second of staring in before his front door opened.
“Celestia! Oda! What a pleasant surprise!” William greeted as he approached both them with a friendly smile. “I entrust the trip here was not too perilous?”
The Princess scowled and looked over at the shogun. “It would have been a lot more pleasant if this barbarian here didn’t carry all his savage swords with him.”
“How dare you!” shouted Oda. “These are priceless pieces of art from my nation! Much better then any “sculptor” of yours could ever muster out in that backwater hole you call Canterlot.”
“I’ve made better works of art in the Royal Lavatories.” Spat Celestia with a sneer.
Oda was about to explode in a retort when William gestured to both of them. “Gentleman and lady, please! We agreed to meet here to discuss peace, not chug quicker towards war. Come, take a seat and we can discuss harmony between our peoples.”
William motioned to the two large leather seats in front of his even larger and more leather seat behind his desk. Plopping himself down in his chair, he smiled and waited for the other rulers to take their seats.
“I am a magical princess” Declared the Princess. “I have much difficulty sitting in a human made chair.”
“And I!” beckoned Oda. “Would have to remove my many layers of armor coating to properly sit. Something I do not wish to do in the presence of enemies.” The shogun flashed a glare at Celestia.
“Oh Please chrome-dome! If I wanted to kill you I could have done it ages ago.”
“They why have you not!? Too weak of a leader I presume!”
“Guys, please, stop!” Shouted William behind his desk. “We’re not going to get anywhere with you two going at it like this.” Celestia and Oda both folded their arms/hoofs and looked down sulkingly.
“Now, I suggest that we review these recent events that led to this possible war between you two. By doing this we can find out who’s at fault and sort this out before anything gets out of hand. Ok?”
The two pouting leaders didn’t say anything. “Good!” exclaimed William. “Ok, why don’t we start with you, Oda? How did these recent hostilities first take hold?”
The shogun looked up at William, then glared once more at Celestia. Stepping a few feet forward, he towered over the seated William, his multiple swords hanging from all available parts of his body. “It all started some thirty turns ago, when I had developed chemistry. I was just converting several of my trebuchets to cannons in preparation for an invasion of the city-state Prague.”
“While converting, a rapidly used up a substantial amount of my gold on account of my large surplus of siege units. As my gold began to dwindle, I enlisted several of my workers to the edge of my empire to construct several trading posts on empty sets of land to acquire more gold. As this happened, a small invasion force of barbarian pikemen captured my workers and ran off.”
“Furious, I chased after them with a unit of lancers. Just as we were about to reach the barbarians, the tyrant here” Oda gestured to Celestia with disgust, “killed the barbarians and liberated my workers. She was given an in-game option to return the workers to their rightful owner, me. Instead, she declined the offer and sent me a personal message by envoy: “Finders keepers, loser’s weepers.””
Celestia exploded at this statement. “That wasn’t how it happened at all you cretin!” She trotted straight up to Oda and looked him square in the eye. “Interesting, how you didn’t happen to mention that those workers of yours were stolen off a city-state I was allies with!”
The two were about to exploded into another tangent of arguing when William raised his hand. “Alright, we have heard Oda’s side of the story. No how about you, Celestia? How did you see things?”
Celestia smiled and then turned to Oda. Her horn shimmering with magic, she quickly picked up the surprised samurai and chucked him across the room with the full force of her magic. Airborne for a moment, he smashed into one of the room’s bookshelves and fell to the ground moaning.
“Why in the blazes did you do that?” He weakly moaned in pain.
“Because I felt like it.” The Princess responded flatly. Turning her attention back to William, she smiled. “As you’ve probably guessed, there’s more to this story then meets the eye.”
“How so?”
“Well, as I mentioned I was allies with a city-state, Sydney, for a very long stretch of time. We had been strong trade partners from almost the very beginning of the Classical Age. Their imports of iron and horses insured stability in my nation during the wild times of ancient history.”
“However, I had begun to turn my attention towards building several world wonders to enhance the growth of my civilization with the helpful benefits they bring. I recall us building the Pyramids of Giza, Statue of Zeus, and Colossus in about twenty turns if I’m not mistaken.”
William slightly frowned. “Yeah…I remember.”
“Anyway! While my attention was focused on this, I failed to notice that Mr. Nobunaga’s forces had quickly surrounded, sacked, and stolen everything of value from Sydney. Before I could amount any kind of retaliation, the city was on fire and he was sailing away with all the captured workers.”
“It wasn’t too many turns later, that I randomly encountered the fleeing barbarians and quickly decimated them with my long swordsman. Realizing that the workers were formerly from Sydney, I gladly integrated them into my empire to serve a just and rightful cause. Therefore, I believe that it is the Japanese empire that is at fault.”
Celestia stamped her hoof against the floor and smiled smugly towards Oda who was still trying to get to his feet. Pulling himself up, he approached the Princess once more.
“Did you even ask if those workers wanted to be captured!?” Shouted Oda. “You call me a savage when you yourself perform the same actions I did!”
“They were going towards a good cause, anypony would know that!” Retorted Celestia, getting right in the shogun’s face. “And what about that time I offered you free gold and you declined, what was your reasoning there!?”
“I don’t accept handouts, they’re dishonorable…and make you feel guilty.”
“What are you talking about?!”
Oda straightened his stance. “I couldn’t give you anything in return. I’d feel like a moocher.”
Celestia rolled her eyes. “Yeah, you really don’t want to feel like a moocher when in trade you ask for five iron and offer only thirty gold in return.”
“FOR THE LAST TIME, I HIT THE WRONG BUTTON!”
“NO YOU DID IT DELIBARTYLY! WASHINGTON SAID SO!”
“WASHINGTON IS A POOP FACE!”
“YOU’RE A POOP FACE!”
“NO, YOU’RE A POOP FACE!”
“YOU’RE A HORSE POOP FACE!”
William began to caress his head in pain once more as the two dimwits continued to argue back and forth. In the expanse of forty-five minutes, almost nothing had been accomplished. Sighing into his palms, he quickly glanced at the bottle of brandy he kept behind his desk. It was going to be a very long day.
William van Oranje sat in despair at his desk. His cozy blue cap had fallen from his head, his silken robes were wrinkled at every square, several of his golden vest’s buttons were undone, his short hair sat haggardly on his forehead, and the normally keen white eyes he prided himself on were a dark shade of bloodshot red.
A grimaced expression of agony was on his face as he supported his head with both his palms. If one had seen him from far away, they would have assumed he was crying. A near empty bottle of brandy sat at the end of his desk along with a stained drinking glass, sticky with drying alcohol in the bottom. To say that the man was an utter wreck would be a compliment on his part.
A mere five feet away from where he sat, the two leaders of the most powerful countries in the world, stood in perpetual argument with one another. They’d been going at it for a solid five hours with no end in clear sight. The words they howled at one another had far surpassed their meaning, to the point that their fruitless ‘debate’ was just distant noises that echoed through William’s ears.
Night had fallen onto the beautiful city of Amsterdam, and the gleaming starlight against the lazy waters of the multiple canals seemed to fill the surrounding environment with an amazing sense of peace and happiness, everywhere but William’s office, which could now be the possible flashpoint of a world war that he (so far) was failing to stop.
“And don’t get me started on you and trading! You never ever want to trade!” shouted Princess Celestia as she stood over William’s desk, not seeming to take notice he was even in the room.
“What do you mean by that!?” asked Oda Nobunaga with a growl, “You’ve never had anything I’ve wanted!”
“So now I’m poor!” snapped back the Princess. “Is that what you’re implying!?”
“Maybe I was!” retorted the daimyo. “Do you have a problem with that!?”
“Maybe I do! Do you have a problem with me getting more gold than you per turn?”
“Don’t even mention that! I’m building several banks at the time being, we’ll be at your economic level in just a few years!”
“I doubt that you’d ever even be able to get half of the gold that I have!”
“Oh, I will! Especially if I steal it!”
“Steal it? Your meek army would never get past my--”
“OK, SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!” roared William as he slammed his fists against the table, sending his glass and bottle flying off the table and bouncing against the carpet.
Oda and Celestia jumped at the sudden outburst. This kind of behavior was incredibly out of character for William’s reputation, and the fact that is was happening right now in front of them was even more of an oddity.
Arising from his chair, William hobbled around the business desk, his legs numb from sitting down for half the day. Propping himself weakly against the desk, he eyed the two ferociously with his reddened eyes. “We have…a lot to discuss”, he growled through his gritted white teeth.
Celestia and Oda meekly hung their heads in shame; their argument ending as quickly as it had started.
The Dutchman hobbled closer to them, shaking his finger wildly. “I expected better from the both you! I thought you two would be more devoted, more focused on peace rather than war. I thought you two could work together like adults and sort this thing out professionally.” He shook his head wearily, “It’s now apparent to me that’s not the case.”
He stepped a few feet closer to them. “You two are ready to plunge the world into chaos and disharmony, all for the sake of resolving some petty issues that seem completely meaningless in terms of the rest of the world’s problems. I honestly cannot believe it.”
“But William,” interrupted the Princess, “we were just going to--”
He held up his hand to silence her. “Please, let me finish. Everything we have ever worked for is about to be sent hurtling down the toilet, and blasted into the stinking piles of refuse so carefully placed inside the sewers of failure. This is something that we must all try to prevent, not only for the sake of the world, but in the sake of progress.”
“William” interrupted Oda, “you do not understand, what was really going--”
The Dutch monarch shook his head. “Mr. Nobunaga, please. But it will not just be the brutality of war to worry about, but the downward spiral of wartime economics that will plague the world for generations to come. Even with heightened spending on a war effort, the production of several other key resources, such as coal and iron, can be limited to simply mobilizing troops. With that happening, the very progress of cities would be halted to--”
“William, please” Celestia weakly interjected once more, “we have something important to say.”
“WHAT!?” he shouted with his fist balled and eyes looking even more fierce with anger and sleep deprivation.
Celestia and Oda looked sheepishly toward the floor. The daimyo fiddled with the many hanging swords on his armor, while the princess nervously rubbed her already gleaming golden crown. Both seemed reluctant to talk, but an impatient William tapped his foot expectedly against the carpeted floor, waiting for some kind of explanation.
Sighing sadly, the fearsome and noble ruler of Japan, slowly stepped forward to William. “We…were not planning on going to war…at all.”
William blinked once. “What?”
“We were not planning on ever going to war against one another”, said Celestia as she stepped forward to stand by Oda’s side.
William blinked again. “What?”
The two spoke in unison, both clearly getting annoyed. “We are not going to war against each other.”
William’s left eye began to twitch as his body began to spasm uncontrollably. A horrid expression was seared onto his face as he took in a massive breath of air. “WHHAAATTTTT!!??!!” he screamed as the foundation of his office shook violently. “YOU DID WHAT!!??”
The two glared at the exasperated William with a growing strength. “You heard what we said, William van Oranje” said Celestia with a noble retort, “We never intended to start a world conflict. If you believe this is so, then you are sadly mistaken.”
Grabbing two large tuffs of his hair, the Dutchman pulled insanely against both ends to contain the rushing stream of anger and surprise he felt. “B-But the arguments, and the threats, what was that about!?!”
Oda stepped a few paces closer to him. “All in good faith, a preparation or simulation of sorts. We would never be so harsh to another in complete sincerity. We were merely toying with each other."
"Yes" continued Celestia, "As Mr. Nobunaga just stated, this never was supposed to get out of hoof. Maybe a few battles here and there, but just to have a little fun. This game can get awfully boring after awhile, and I'm sure the other nations will understand."
William squealed in agony at this further knowledge and began to hop up and down repeatedly. Hyperventilating, he muttered several incoherent bits of babble to himself to try and calm down. Achieving none of this, he responded.
“So this was a game? A trick, a lie, a joke?! You never had a real intentions to start something serious, is that right? Am I getting the whole picture here?!?”
Celestia stepped a bit closer to him, now almost face to massive royal neck. “Yes, you are correct.”
Grumbling, he slid away from her eyes of content and went back over to his desk. “Well, since you two clearly have no idea the happenings of what’s going on in the modern world, and you two obviously need a visual exhibition to fully understand the scope of things, allow me to show you.”
Clicking a few buttons under his desk, the wall behind the massive oak table slid away to reveal a black screen about the size of a large poster. Tapping a few more hidden buttons, the screen blinked on and immediately showed an electronic map of the entire world.
Oda chuckled “William, you’re current model is a bit small. Perhaps you should invest in a larger one.”
“Shut up!” he barked, still adjusting the device. Certain parts of the landmasses on screen turned red, while others turned blue. Hitting one last button, he turned to Celestia and Oda.
“So, as you can see, the entire world has been divided into two different sectors, blue and red. The blue represents those backing the Equestrian Empire, where as red represents those backing the Japanese Empire.”
William tapped a few more buttons. Large black arrows appeared on the screen, converging towards the borders of red and blue countries.
“These black lines represent troop movements of the different factions. So, as you can see, mobilization is already taking place. Now, I’m not sure if any of you have been checking your messages recently because…” He clicked a few more buttons. “But several of these nations are very…eager to begin this conflict you two have led on to insight.”
“But how can that be!” shouted Oda Nobunaga, whose mask of cool and calm had been replaced with utter disbelief. “How could they not tell we were bluffing?! Surely they must have seen through our act.”
William shrugged. “Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. My personal opinion is that all of the nations participating are using this supposed conflict between you two, as an excuse to settle their own differences with lack of setbacks.”
“What do you mean?” asked Celestia, whose fear, was starting to match that of her Japanese counterpart.
William smiled at another opportunity to display his intelligence. “I’m glad you asked. If two countries went to war against one another, they would simply be alone in that fight and would have to rely solely on themselves to achieve victory. However, with more players in the situation, several new factors are added such as location and technological achievement, which wildly change the possibilities for each side. With this in mind, the diverse selection of countries for and against one another has created a scenario were both sides are very close to being evenly matched in everyway, making the possibility of victory applicable to either alliance.”
A few more commands were tapped into the screen and a digital image of a soldier appeared. “Now this is an average warrior for most of the warring countries. As you can see by the armor on his chest, Papal flag on his shoulder, and musket on his back, that this is most definitely a Papal soldier. It is worth noting that--”
The riveting speech was suddenly interrupted by a light beeping noise from the screen. The digital image of the musketman dissolved and was replaced by a blue message stating: incoming transmission. Before William could even comment on the matter, the message was accepted.
Two halves popped up on the screen. On the left half, was the star manned, bright eyed Princess of the Night, Luna. On the right, was the ginger bearded, armored Swede, Gustavus Adolphus. Both looked happily through the screen, not seeming to notice the two guests in the room. Still, that didn’t stop Oda and Celestia from quickly ducking under William’s desk in fear of being seen.
“AH, RULER OF THE PROUD DUTCH EMPIRE, WILLIAM THE FIRST, IT IS VERY NICE TO SEE YOU ONCE AGAIN.” Greeted Luna in her traditional Canterlot manor.
Gustavus looked around his screen for a moment, slightly confused. “William, your video feed appears to be out of commission. Is something wrong good friend?”
“No, nothing is wrong. My camera appears to be damaged, but nothing too pressing. Is there something you two wished to speak to me about?” William said calmly with his hands folded.
“YES, WE DO HAVE SOMETHING TO SPEAK UPON. OUR COMBINED FORCES ARE STATTIONED OUTSIDE OF THE FRENCH BORDERS AS WE SPEAK. WE WILL BE READY TO STRIKE IN TWELVE STANDARD HOURS. THE INSOLENT NAPOLEON WILL NOT SEE US COMING!”
“We would still wish to urge you friend that you come to the noble and just side of the Celestial Alliance. It is never too late, William. With your support, we can end this conflict quicker than before. And besides, France is an evil and vile place, and it would be most helpful of you to assist us in its destruct—I mean, liberation.”
William shook his head slowly. “Sorry friends, the answer is still no. Now I must take my leave, something has come up.”
Luna and Gustavus looked angrily into the camera as he quickly shut it off. Taking a single breath, he looked at the cowering Celestia and Oda.
“Well, there it is. The end of the world is in twelve hours. You guys want to help me stop it?”
William the First fiercely rubbed both of his hands together, then clapped them happily and jumped back into his leather chair. Drumming his fingers against his desk, he smiled at the stunned duo sitting across from him, both in shock over the recent developments which had just taken place a few turns ago.
“You two want anything?” asked the Dutchman, with a false sense of welcome. “A snack, a pillow, some water? I’m sure my secretary would be willing to fetch them for you.”
Princess Celestia and Oda Nobunaga both shook their heads in unison, but still seemed unable to speak.
“I mean, I know that her hours have never been nice, but it’s really her that keeps things moving smoothly. Filing papers, taking messages, bringing me lunch, it really does add up.”
He leaned back in his chair. “You know, I’ve been thinking, maybe I should redecorate this office, something a bit more bright and welcoming. All these windows are nice and all, but I’m just not seeing enough color in it. Perhaps a rug or two, or maybe a few more portraits, something pink? Yes, pink would work. What do you two think?”
Celestia sighed, “William…please, we understand. You’re in the right, we’re in the wrong. Is that enough to satisfy you?”
He leaned forward and folded his hands onto the desk. “If by this, you’re implying that you actually want to get down to business, then yes, I’m satisfied.”
Oda jumped valiantly out of his seat and flashed a heroic pose. “That what shall we do to stop this impending disaster, wise William van Oranje?”
William shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, you tell me.”
Oda’s chest deflated so quickly that you could practically hear the air whizzing out of him. He sullenly sat back down. “B-But you said that you could…”
“I never directly said that I would. I might, but I’d first like to hear how you two would stop this war, since this is all your fault and I really should have nothing to do with it.” He grinned mischievously, cruelty dripping off every word he spoke.
Celestia glared at him. “William, stop it. We’re willing to work if you are.”
He clasped his hands together. “Wonderful! Then let’s get down to brass tacks, shall we?”
Pressing some buttons under his desk, the screen which had displayed the frightening message from Princess Luna and Gustavus Adolphus blinked back on. The screen changed back to the view of the world they had seen earlier. The map still sat divided, all countries on the planet either blue or red, signifying their allegiance to Equestria or Japan, with no neutrality except for William himself.
Black lines on the map signified troop movements that convened along national borders. War was imminent.
Hopping out of his chair, William made a sweeping gesture to the entire screen as he began his presentation. “As you two know, from prior knowledge given by a certain someone’s sister, we have around twelve hours until the joint forces of Sweden and the New Lunar Republic attack France. Obviously there are other regional conflicts ready to break down as well, but it is this one in particular which is the most impending.”
He pressed a few more buttons and the screen changed to a 3-D model of an emissary cart, with large hanging banners and several pieces of ornate gold. The Dutch coat of arms was painted on the side in orange.
“To buy us a little breathing room, I’ve arranged this.” William reached over to his office desk, and tapped the intercom button. “Beatrice, can you please send out the carts? Thank you.” He clicked the end call button before a response could be heard.
The two looked at him with raised eyebrows. “What did you just do?” asked the princess.
Grinning at his own cunning, he happily replied. “Oh, just relayed a teeny-tiny task. A little countermeasure of sorts.”
“Which is?”
He giddily slammed the palm of his hand onto the desk. “A distraction, that’s what it is! A confusing little action that will not only buy us more time, but could possibly solve this entire problem all by itself!”
Celestia looked at him with brightened eyes. “Really?”
“No, I added that last part on.” Clicking a few more buttons under his desk, the map of the world reappeared with two separate green lines travelling across the map. Both originated in Amsterdam, but both split off in opposite directions, each travelling to a different corner of the world.
“Ohhhhhhhhhh, now I get it!” said Oda as he leaned his head back in realization. “A distraction!”
William snapped his fingers. “Exactly! With the emissaries snaking through the divided territories, either side would be hesitant to perform any sort of hostile action in the proximity of a diplomat, especially of a neutral nation.”
“But the really important part is that each emissary has a course plotted for both Kyoto and Canterlot, implying that I wish to speak directly with you the both of you.” He pointed to them. “This random action, I hope, will buy us a bit more time to figure something out.”
Celestia looked amazed. “William, that’s amazing! How did you come up with that?”
He looked down at his cloak and began to casually pluck out frilly bits of hair on his silken attire. “Oh, I’ve had it planned for awhile. Ever since America and Egypt picked sides I’ve thought up several plans to halt progress on both sides.”
“So!” said Oda as he jumped back out of his chair, “what is step two in this master plan?!?”
William rubbed some emerging perspiration from his forehead. Sighing deeply, he plopped back into his chair. “That’s where things get a bit…complicated. There’s several ways we can approach this situation, but I’m not 100% that each one would be successful, even with the proper planning on my part.”
Celestia smiled assuredly. “Well, let’s hear them anyway. I’m sure we can think of something worth while in the time we have.”
“Alright” shrugged William. Opening one of the drawers on his desk, he rummaged through the several openings in search for something important. Feeling his target, he threw his hands out of the dark caverns of the desk, and flashed three bright manila envelopes.
Tossing them down, he spread them out into a row of equally spaced squares, while drawing with a permanent marker #1, 2, and 3 on the tops. He folded his hands slowly and began to speak in a dramatic and mystic tone.
“Welcome, to my office room. Before you, three paths lie in wait of being selected by those willing. Each one displays a different scenario of how one would solve the current predicament. Once selected, your choice can not be taken back, and will be permanent to those it affects. I do hope you make the right choose.” He smiled a crooked and out of character grin.
“What are you doing?” asked Celestia flatly.
William immediately snapped out of whatever persona he was trying to portray. “Sorry, sorry, got a tad bit carried away. But in all honesty, I’ve come up with three different actions the three of us could take to benefit ourselves in this war. This is all pretty tricky stuff, so I’d really need full cooperation on your parts, got it?”
“Wait a second” interrupted Oda, “I thought you said that we were preventing war, not benefitting.”
Celestia looked at him with expectation, thinking the same thing her Japanese counterpart spoke.
William nervously stroked his beard. “Well…at this point…it seems unlikely with the tools we possess, that actually stopping the war seems like a bit of a false hope. I mean… peace is good and all, but…I’m not sure we really could…”
Celestia nodded warmly, “I understand William. There comes a time that even our greatest hopes and intentions cannot be enough to do the right thing. Although we wish to prevent war, I agree with you that we have reached a point of no return. You have my full cooperation.”
William nodded rigidly, and looked expectantly at Oda, who quickly raised his hand. “Is three options really enough? I’m sure there’s plenty of other ways we could resolve this. For example in hopes to--”
William slammed his fist onto his desk. “It’s all I could think of, ok!?! You try brainstorming a diverse selection of world policies that at least partially make sense! It ain’t fun!”
Oda weakly put his arm back down as William sighed. “As I was saying, full cooperation is necessary. Now, allow to me explain…” He picked up the envelope he marked as #1, “Number one!”
He ripped the envelope open and pulled out a long sheet of yellow paper with very large curvy cursive writing. “Now, plan number one is what I would call the diplomacy option…of sorts. The main gist of it is using whatever political power the other nations will grant to us and use it to vocalize that you two longer wish to fight one another, thus voiding any reason of war. A massive declaration of peace for the entire world, you could say.”
“Would they really stop at this point?” asked Celestia. “I mean, I doubt anypony—sorry, anybody would call the whole thing off this far in. You said it yourself, there just using our supposed conflict as a mask for their own intentions.”
“This is insane!” shouted Oda, “not every nation would kneel to our word! And expecting them to do so would be idiotic on our part.”
“Not exactly” corrected William, “there are still plenty of other nations that would still respect your say in the matter. Not all of them would follow through, as we’ve established, but at least we’d get some willing contestants.”
Celestia frowned sadly. “That would probably just be the weaker ones who’d agree to this, the countries that are surely to sustain severe damage if they fight. They would only agree to peace in assurance that we’d protect them from any external danger. The real threat of the larger nations would not be resolved.”
“So is it settled then?” asked William. “Option one is out the window?” The two nodded in agreement. Taking the fancy piece of paper, William crumpled it into a fine yellow ball, and tossed it out the nearest window.
Yawning, he ripped open the second envelope. “This one friends, is a bit easier in terms of execution, but not particularly helpful to anyone.”
“How so?” asked the Princess.
“It’s basically the ultimate action of inaction. The plan is, we…do…nothing. All three of us declare neutrality and see what comes out of that. We could be ignored, we could be attacked, we could be hated for the rest of time, I don’t know. But us not doing anything could possibly save us from any involvement.”
“Absolutely not” rejected the daimyo. “Inactivity is the worst possible thing to ever choose for anything. There is definitely something else we could do!”
“I agree” said the princess “this option should not even be considered.”
“Alright” said William as he burned the document with a butane lighter. “That leaves us with our last option, door number three.”
He slowly opened the envelope and carefully removed the sealed document inside. Feeling the smooth paper in his hands, a rush of excitement over took him.
Explaining the plan in a flurry of detail, he smiled in delight as Oda and Celestia’s eyes became wide the further he progressed in explanation. He giggled as his true level of intelligence was displayed, all in careful writing and expensive ink. Taking a deep breath, he finished his summary.
“So” he asked with an edge of arrogance, “what do you guys think?”
“If believe this is the very best we can muster” said a bewildered Oda with glazed eyes as if he had just been thrown through a wind tunnel.
“An action like that is most startling William, but in this situation, it seems necessary” said an equally shocked Celestia with color drained from her mane.
“I agree” agreed Oda, “this course of action is what any sane individual would choose. I vote ‘yes’”
“As do I” announced Celestia.
William beamed happily at the resolution that had taken so long to reach. For what had felt like an eternity of chatting, arguing, realizing, screaming, and quietly whispering, a solution to the aching war problem had finally been reached. He could not wait.
Rubbing his palms together, he jittered eagerly. “Alright you guys…here goes!”
Gently pressing the intercom button on his office phone, William spoke calmly into the device. “Beatrice, can you send out a patch to the other leaders? As soon as possible would be nice, and please do turn on my video feed. I want them to see me as I speak.”
“Yes sir, I’ll get ri--” William hit the end call button before she could finish here response. Turning to Celestia and Oda he smiled once again in anticipation of what was about to happen. “This is going to be great!”
William the First kept a brisk pace as he walked down the long maroon carpeted floor. Interesting designs of battles and heroes he’d never heard of dotted the tapestry; a careful attention to detail put in each picture. He tried to pay attention to what they were, but his mind jumped with a thousand thoughts as he moved down the hallway.
A long line of armored guard stallions strongly saluted to him as he passed, a stone jawed expression on each of them without a hint of emotion. Their gold armor hung snugly on them, giving both an artistic and militaristic look to their formation. Although each one looked forward sternly, William felt their strong gaze on his back.
He quickly glanced at the line of guards to his right, then immediately went back to staring at his feet while he walked. The presence of Equestrian ponies always bothered him slightly. They seemed too fantasy, too out there in world of reality, there species being so improbable in comparison to the rest of the planet. He thought about this whenever he pondered his over three thousand year life span.
Shaking his head, he continued down the hallway until he reached a large marble opening with several well dressed ponies entering. A group of guards were posted outside the archway while a skittish looking mare stood around with a clipboard. On further inspection she appeared to be of unicorn descent with a well kept coat of lavender fur and a quite beautiful violet mane.
As he walked toward her she jolted in surprise and rushed over to meet him.
“Hello,” she said with shaky enthusiasm. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, official aid, student, and librarian to Princess Celestia of Equestria. You must be William the First!” She smiled and extended her hoof expectantly.
Swallowing his fear, he slowly reached forward and barely grasped the tip of her solid hoof. From there he gave the weakest, limpest, and most feeble hand/hoof shake that had ever been given in the history of the world.
“P-P-Please to meet you” he mumbled in response.
The aid awkwardly moved her hoof away and quickly squinted at her clipboard. “Let’s see here…where is the…oh there it is! I’ve been tasked by the Princess to lead you directly to her majesty’s official private table. Could you please come with me?” She gestured for him to follow her into the arched entrance.
Nodding with a shut mouth, he followed after her.
The banquet hall was a complete contrast to what he expected from a meeting of nobles. String music blasted from every side of the room as the rumble of light conversation between the Equestrian high society roared through the entire building. Random bursts of laughter came from those standing around conversing, adding to the controlled chaos that was bubbling around him.
Unicorn servers zig-zagged gracefully though the crowd, fancy and elaborate dishes suspended in thin air following after them. Flashy wigs, dresses, and suits pushed outward wherever there was an opening in the crowd, leaving William and the aid to duck and dodge around them like jungle explorers.
The clitter and clatter of silverware became insufferable bell tolls that rung from every table that a pony was sitting at, giving him ringing ears that blocked out most of the sound around him. Somepony fell in front of them, spilling a pitcher of cider all across the carpet and being followed by a roar of laughter. An old mare pushed up against him, trying to get a better view of the spectacle, and immediately began to inaudibly insult him. Tugging him by the hand, the aid yanked him out of the hot zone and pressed on.
This was a nightmare to say the least and William was ever thankful that the young mare was with him. Without her, he would have been immediately sucked into a sea of fancy enchanted equines; completely blind and lost to wherever he needed to go, and forever banished to wander till eternity. He held onto that thought the further the duo pushed into the mob.
Reaching one of the room’s walls, they slithered along its sides until finally reaching a plain looking door. It was wooden with a square piece of blurry glass in the center, hiding whatever was behind it. Opening the door with her magic horn, the unicorn aid gestured for him to enter.
Practically falling through the doorway, he was happy to finally be out of the madness that was still right behind him. Entering the doorway as well, the mare closed the door behind them.
They stood in a sterile looking hallway with a creamed colored floor and a low ceiling. Bright natural looking lights hung in squares above them.
William tiredly propped his back against one of the walls, and took several deep breaths. “That…was crazy.”
The mare smirked. “Yeah, these kinds of parities can get crazy sometimes. I’ve never seen it myself to be quite honest, but I have a friend who’s done some pretty comprehensive research on these things.”
He looked at her with query. “On parties?”
“Parties, shindigs, hootenannies, you name it. If there was degree for the study of parties, she’d have her professorate by now.”
He moved his back off the wall and steadied his feet. “You’ve got some interesting friends, Ms. Sparkle, you know that?”
She happily shrugged her shoulders. “You could put it that way.” Looking around quickly, she turned back to him. “You want to keep moving?”
He signaled for her to continue. “Lead on.”
They kept a steady pace down the much more modern looking hallway. Occasionally they would pass another door with shrouded glass but not once did they go anywhere but straight.
The stopped at a set of two large double doors. They matched the hallway in modern appearances and had two golden handles on each side. Despite the lack of any identifiers, it looked strangely official. The mare turned to him nervously.
“Well, this is it. The Princess and daimyo are just through this door.” She took in a deep breath of air and let it out through her snout. “Allow me to see you in.”
She opened the door and led him into something that was completely contrasted to the utter insanity of the banquet hall.
It was a moderately sized private dinning area with marble floors, high hanging purple curtains, and another set of wooden double doors at the end of the room. A massive glass window was in the center of the chamber, leading out to concrete balcony with a full view of the sprawling Canterlot. A single table stood vacantly near the window, not another piece of furniture in sight.
At the table was both Princess Celestia and Oda Nobunaga, already sitting down and feasting on a plate of miniature sandwiches that resembled tiny pony wizards. They looked up with mouthfuls of food as the aid and William entered.
“Twilight!?” called the Princess in surprise with chunks dropping out of her mouth. “Why didn’t you tell me that William had arrived, I was expecting him an hour ago.”
The aid bowed her head. “I am sorry Princess; I thought that bringing him directly would be quicker than sending a messenger. I am very sorry for my mistake.”
Celestia put her hoof up and smiled. “It’s alright Twilight, you did what you thought was best. Thank you for bringing him here and I do believe now we are fully prepared to begin the festivities.”
“Looks like you already have,” mumbled William.
The aid nodded to the Princess. “I’ll leave you three alone then.” She turned to William. “It was very nice speaking with you King William, goodnight.” She flashed a smile at him and trotted out of the room, leaving him there with a reddened face and something throbbing in his chest.
Oda slyly grinned at him once the mare exited. “Who ever thought that the great William van Oranje had a way with the ladies, eh?”
“Shut up,” he muttered as he moved over to the table. Taking his seat on the long wooden rectangle, he sat across from Nobunaga and next to Celestia. The party of three only took up one end of the table, deciding to sit in a friendly cluster rather than be spread out like strangers.
Rolling up his silk sleeves, he reached forward and took a few samples of the hors d'oeuvre. Tossing them onto his plate, he looked at the Princess.
“I assumed that we’d be dinning in the main banquet hall, considering most of your nobility is in there.”
She raised one of her eyebrows. “Would you really want to dine in that asylum? All those ponies, all in one place?”
He grinned while shaking his head. “Nope, not in a million years.”
The Princess levitated a sandwich into her mouth and she gobbled the food down as graceful as any monarch could, with plenty of lip smacking and spare bits flying everywhere.
“Tonight’s a special occasion,” she announced, “somepony in the Royal Planning Committee got too willy-nilly with invitations, and so we have at least three times as many guests as normal.”
Oda giggled with a massive mouthful of cheese. “Shhwa za git en Qwestia.”
“For Pete’s sake, swallow your food!” yelled an exasperated William.
Celestia and Oda giggled at his anger, and he couldn’t help but smile at their enjoyment of it. It wasn’t always that he spent time with friends, even rarer for him to enjoy doing it. But it was on these infrequent occasions that he felt a very good sense of positivity and laughter. He considered doing it more often.
A group of three server unicorns entered the room, three large dishes levitated above their heads. They were held up by strange auras of bright energy, fully enclosing the items but still leaving the contents untouched. William had seen displays of unicorn magic before, but a sense of wonder always encompassed him whenever he saw it right in front of him. His jaw hung open slightly as the servers set down the dishes, and quickly made their way out of the room.
The dishes included a massive board of various meats, a deep bowl full of salad and a tray filled to the top with grapes, a giant pile of grapes. Without another word the three dug in.
--------------------------------------
Not long after starting, the three had torn through their feast, devouring all that was set before them and guaranteeing a week long fast to fully allow the food to digest. On suggestion from the Princess, they decided to get some fresh air outside on the balcony, before making their formal appearance to the rest of the castle.
Now, they found themselves standing along the smooth stone platform that suspended them high above the skyline of Canterlot, admiring the twinkling lights of the city’s surface. A slight rumbling could be heard from where they stood, not doubt the vibrant sounds of activity reaching the heavens from where they were.
“This is beautiful,” said William with comfortable amazement, “truly breathtaking. I wish I visited more often.”
“Yes,” agreed Oda, “I’ve never quite seen something like this before. It’s just so…exotic.”
The Princess smiled. “Thank you for the compliments.”
“You're welcome,” said the daimyo and king in unison.
The three stood silently, still staring at the shifting gleams of light within the city. There was something different about it, something that set it apart from normal lighting setups. It had a sparkle to it that seemed to shine brighter than any other lamp or torch in the entire world, emitting warmth that was more welcoming than a cabin bonfire.
William breathed in deeply, the spell of the light seeming to wear off. “So,” he began awkwardly, “how are things going with you guys?”
“The French are being difficult,” remarked Oda. “Claims are already being made about the last few bits of unclaimed land between us. It’s a race really; whoever can get the first settler there to claim it. They’ve already lost, they just don’t know it.”
He turned to Celestia. “What about you Princess?”
She didn’t look towards him but continued to stare down at the city. “An American spy tried to steal industrialization from us…again. He’s dead now, but still felt like a close call.”
William nodded but didn’t respond. He looked back out towards the city but couldn’t find himself to relax enough to fully take it in. He looked back at his two friends.
“You guys think it was worth it? Doing what we did?”
They didn’t look directly at him, but he could tell they were uncomfortable with the question. He waited a moment for a response, patient with however long it would take them.
“Yes…” said Oda, “it was the very best we could’ve down. And after everything was over, we came out untouched and healthy. I think that’s reason enough to be called a good choice.”
“I agree” said Celestia, “I know it seemed harsh and cruel once the wars began to die down, but we would have just been apart of the wreckage if we hadn’t joined together.”
William looked away, unsure with himself. He began to slowly rub the back of his neck. “But don’t you think it was bad, turning our backs on everyone? All those people, all those civilians, it just feels like we could’ve down more.”
“Do you know what that would’ve been?” asked Celestia.
“No…” he sadly responded.
“Then that means we couldn’t have down anything,” assured Oda.
William grimaced and walked a few paces away from his friends. Leaning his stomach against the railing, he sighed. “But what about the smaller countries, the weaker ones? They didn’t even stand a chance. The world still seems to be picking up the pieces and here we are enjoying wealth and happiness.”
Oda raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t it good that while the world has been plunged into a sad period of reconstruction, here we are, safe and sound from any trouble?”
“I just think we should help is all. Offer some free gold out to those who need it most. At the very least we can be charitable in times like this.”
Oda gently rested his palms on one of the many hanging swords on his belt and slowly approached William. “Do you really think we should do that, William? Do you really think we should fund those who hate us? The entire world, even the smaller nations, will never think fondly of us. We control the most powerful economic, technological, and militaristic empires in the entire world, and the expectation that they’ll look past all that is a hopeless one.”
“But that can’t be true,” said William indignantly, “they can’t all hate us. And for what reason would they hate us?”
Oda looked at him sternly. “They hate us because we are strong and they are weak. They hate us because we have everything that they don’t. They hate us because we were able to see the bigger picture and decided to not murder one another. We succeeded and they failed, and they’ll try to kill us for that.”
Celestia turned her head away from the city in surprise. “What do you mean?”
The daimyo shut his eyes. “It occurred to me, not too long ago, that maybe, just maybe, we forgot something important with our alliance. Yes, with the three of us united as one, we currently contain the most power in the world, but I was thinking, what if that changes?”
“How so?” asked William.
“If these poor fools actual realize how successful we’ve become by banding together, what if they do the same? What if they pool their resources together to actually challenge everything that we have? Yes, they’re all still in the Renaissance Era, but our lines of Gatling guns won’t do much against a sea of musketmen and cannons knocking at our door.”
Celestia stepped away from the balcony and began to walk back towards the door. “The future is always uncertain, never fully showing itself until it has become the present. But we can’t dwell on this now. We’ll figure something out, as we always do, but for now let’s enjoy ourselves. We deserve it.”
William nodded, some confidence returning to him. “You’re right, Celestia. We can focus on this some other time, let’s go have some fun.”
Oda slowly shook his head and followed after his two friends back into the private dinning room. “I suppose we have to meet with the nobility now, Princess?”
“Nope,” she simply responded, “we’re going to the Royal Eclipse Ball courts instead.”
“What!?” asked the two males in unison.
She nodded. “I told Twilight to inform all those in the banquet hall that I was not feeling well enough to make a public appearance. They’ll be sent home with goody bags, don’t worry.”
“You sure they’d be ok with that?” said William.
“They’ve put up with worse before. And besides, they’re running cleaning costs up by the second. Think of this as a repayment for what they’re putting the Royal Janitors through.”
“Umm, Princess?” said a worried Oda. “We don’t even know how to play eclipse ball.”
She waved his anxiety of with her hoof. “Oh, it’s easy. You just use two wooden paddles, and you hit an inflatable ball back and forth. It’s a lot like tennis, only the ball doesn’t bounce so well.”
“Does that mean it can’t bounce it all?” asked William.
“No, it just means that it won’t bounce well.”
“How well does it bounce then?” asked Oda.
“Not amazingly, maybe a few feet at most.”
“Why can’t we play tennis then? I’m a lot better with tennis.”
“Yeah,” agreed William, “we’re all pretty familiar with tennis.”
“No!” shouted Celestia. “I didn’t have two concrete courts specifically built for eclipse ball to be placed in the Royal Gardens if I wasn’t thinking that I’d play eclipse ball on a regular basis.”
“Well there you go,” continued William, “you just said they were concrete. That’d work perfect with tennis balls, and if there’s a net on the court that’d be even better. Is there a net on the court?”
Celestia face hoofed. “Yes, there’s a net.”
“Then tennis it is!” shouted Oda triumphantly.
“No!” shouted Celestia again. “Can’t we play at least one game of tenni—I mean eclipse ball? Just one?”
“Fine, but you then we have to play two games of tennis since me and William want to play it.”
“William and I.” corrected William.
“Whatever.”
Celestia sighed. “How about two games of tennis, but also two games of eclipse ball, just to be fair?”
“I don’t know,” said Oda, “then it’d be in your favor since it’s only you willing to play eclipse ball in the first place.”
“No, it’d be fair; it’s the Princess’s castle so she gets an extra vote automatically.”
Oda nodded his head. “You do have a point there. But she still hasn’t told us the rules of the game yet.”
“Yes, I have,” argued Celestia, “I told you the rules right once I brought it up.”
“No you didn’t,” responded William, “you glazed over it quickly and said it was like tennis, but you never went into full detail about it.”
Oda put his hands up to calm his friends. “Let’s just start this all over again…”
It took another hour for the group to finally decide what they wanted to do, and by the time they made their way to the Royal Eclipse Ball courts, it was almost time very everyone to go home. Oda and William were expected to return to their lodgings in the city, while Celestia was expected to go to bed in preparation for raising the sun the next day.
However, they did not do any of this; instead staying late into the early morning hours, tossing ball after ball over the court and playfully hitting it back in all directions, not really concerned with playing any real kind of game. Green tennis balls, eclipse balls, foam dodge balls and kickballs flew from side to side, being systematically smacked by anyone who had their racket at the ready. At the end of it all, sporting goods of all sorts covered the concrete square, erasing any memory of a formal activity ever being played in the space.
But after awhile, as the sky became darker, and the three friends became more winded, it was unanimously decided to part ways for the night. Branching off in different directions, they readied themselves for what the next day would detail, hoping to meet up once more before they departed at the end of the week.
As he walked through the Royal Gardens, towards the front of the castle, William looked up at the massive stone palace he’d been in for the better part of his day. He smiled to himself, already recollecting on everything that had occurred in the past hours, feeling like he’d just formed some lasting memories to his life. Shoving his hands into his silk pockets, he continued to walk through the rows of bushes and shrubs, whistling a merry tune into the night.
