Yeah with, like, bullets and stuff. Really.
The white princess turned from the stained-glass window, eyes closing with a pained expression. She brought a hoof to her face, pressing it on her forehead as she gritted her teeth lightly. After a short moment, her hoof slammed back on the white marble of the throne room, her face set in graceful determination.
The two royal statuesque stallions flanking the door turned to look at the source of the sudden sound, immediately startled by what they saw: a look of the hardest, grimmest resolution molding their ruler’s visage. Neither of them had ever seen the royal alicorn bearing such an expression; the look of power, of sheer tortured force of will enough to make them shiver slightly and almost take a step back.
The princess had made a decision, a choice from which there was no backing down. Whatever she had in mind would be both terrible and awe-inspiring, a deed to be remembered for millennia.
She opened her mouth to utter only a single order, her voice as full of power and dreadful determination as her expression:
“Go,” she said, “bring him to me. I will await on the ramparts.”
The guards’ eyes widened; they had been present when this horrifying, terrible option had been discussed between the royals and their trusted generals. They knew, more than anypony else, what was about to unfold.
And they trembled. They trembled as the princess trotted past them, they trembled while they followed her out of the room, they trembled when they went to carry on their orders. They would forever shake at night, twisting and turning at the memory of the terrible deed they were about to facilitate with their obedience, muttering “what have we done?” until they finally cried themselves to sleep.
The end was near.
I lounged in my workout chair, casually flexing my pecs. Being the first human to appear in Equestria had its perks, I had to admit.
After that crazy accident at the Laundromat landed me in the land of cartoon ponies, I basically became mankind’s ambassador by default. Well, after the weeks stuck with Twilight Sparkle while she basically wrote an entire thesis about me and everything I could tell her about Earth, that is. At least she cut me some slack when other dudes started to discover the dangers of forgetting whole lava lamps in your pockets.
Still, can’t say I’d have complained about this sweet position I found myself in; free food, free lodging, full access to the gym, pretty sweet life if you ask me. Plus I got to live in the freakin’ castle, too. That was the life, baby!
I dunno why the princess kept me here, really. Sure, she had the budget, I guess, and she also had the authority to do whatever the hell she wanted, money or not. I just thought she’d one day ask me to stop mooching and get my own place at least, but she didn’t seem all that bothered by me. Maybe she just liked to admire my sweet 'bod'. I mean, who wouldn’t? I was admittedly smokin’ hot, man. I saw those mares staring at me when I struck a pose.
Good to know my sex appeal transcends species. Not that I’d doubt it for a moment anyway. I mean, what kind of aspiring porn star has doubts about their own incredible sexiness?
It was at that moment that I was pulled out of my thoughts by a couple guards bursting into my room.
“Rod Lightning!” they yelled, synchronized like only royal guards could, “The princess demands to see you immediately! We will escort you to her at once!”
I was momentarily surprised to be called by my stage name, even though I am the one who introduced himself like this. Boy was I surprised when they took me seriously. It was only later that I learned that it was a fairly plausible name for the ponies, and that they had completely missed my joke at the time. Too late now, I guess. They knew me by that name and I didn’t bother telling them the embarrassing truth, they’d probably feel pretty gullible.
I got up, wondering what she wanted to see me for. Following the guards, my confusion increased when I saw that we weren’t headed for the throne room. Weird.
“Where are we going anyways, guys?”
“To the ramparts,” the one on the left said, “The situation is dire and the princess requires your assistance.”
They both shuddered for some reason. Whatever was going on was big. I didn’t know much about current news, seeing as I was often too busy with my workout routine to pay much attention –and besides, equestrian affairs were none of my business anyways-, but even I knew about the war.
From what I knew, a bunch of foreign dudes had decided they’d had enough of Equestria for some reason, and had begun kicking their asses hard or some shit. Meh. Not my problem.
Or so I thought. Although I wondered how the hell I could be of any use whatsoever.
We kept going through the halls.
The situation was grave indeed. The minotaurs, zebras and griffons had all decided to tag-team Equestria. Their innumerable forces had been overwhelming the ponies for weeks, slowly creeping closer and closer to the capital. Ponyville had fallen just two days ago, and they had been using it as a staging ground for their final assault. Diplomacy had failed, the elements of harmony had been captured, the crystal empire couldn’t offer any help as it, too, was under siege, and Princess Luna had yet to come back from her attempt to gather allies.
The princess had explained all this to me as we both watched the enemy horde milling about in the valley below. They were getting ready for their final push, loading their cannons and filling their airships with troops and bombs. Horns blared, their sounds echoing way up to our ears as we stood on the castle’s ramparts, surrounded by what little was left of the Equestrian army. The city would surely fall today.
“I really don’t see how I can help you, princess. I don’t see how I can help anyone, actually. I’m not a hero or even a soldier. I don’t know how to fight! I’m just-“
“A depraved individual willing to have intercourse in front of an audience? That is what a pornographic celebrity is, isn’t it?”
“Uuuh” I blushed a little. She was pretty much right, but still. Admitting that to royalty was kinda embarrassing nonetheless, especially when she said it in such a refined, sophisticated fashion.
“Well,” I began once my brain managed to recover enough to remember how words worked, “Kinda? I mean, I’m not really famous or anything but it sounds like something I’d be good at and would be an interesting career, I guess? … But, uh… what does that have to do with any of this?” I pointed at the enemy below, their airships beginning to rise.
Indistinct clouds of what I could only assume to be griffons rose with the ships, surrounding them in a dark haze. The sun had begun sinking towards the horizon, bathed in the huge clouds of smoke that the invading army left in their wake. The smoke tinted its light a deep, bloody orange even in the middle of the afternoon. Their horns kept wailing for the blood of the ponies, said ponies getting ready for their last stand around us.
The princess hung her head and sighed deeply, a small blush coming to her own cheeks as well.
“I have… a trump card,” she said, obviously trying to avoid having to look at me. “I can…” She chuckled a little, a slightly embarrassed sort of laugh that made her cheeks even redder as she continued: “I can literally pull victory out of my rear and turn this whole war around right this instant.”
I stared at her for a moment, before blurting out the most obvious question.
“Then why didn’t you use it sooner? As in, before most of your country got wiped out?”
She frowned, a very slight pout coming to her lips.
“Equestria is technically a kingdom. And as for your question, I… had a very powerful personal desire to try absolutely everything else before even beginning to consider this… option.” Her blush, momentarily lost while she corrected me on the nature of her land, returned in full force as she spat out that last word.
“And why d-“
“It’s really embarrassing! It is extremely belittling of me, extremely strange to everyone present, and really, really weird! I can’t even believe I would ever seriously consider this!”
“Oh come on, it can’t be that bad!”
“Believe me, it is.”
“Oh, fine, whatever!” I rolled my eyes, “But once again, what the hell does it have to do with me?”
She turned away to look at the advancing forces, biting her lip. All around us, a bunch of normally grumpy generals shouted alarmed orders to their troops while the two of us watched the horde below, the gleam of armor making it look like a twitching sea of steel. I saw her take a deep breath, her face turning even redder than ever before. She then grunted in apparent frustration, grumbled “Ah! To tartarus with it!”, and then turned back to look me in the eyes.
“You are here because I think your body has the perfect shape to actually make what I am about to do… if not any more possible, then at least feasible.”
“What are you ev-“ I was interrupted by her sudden decision to rear up and put her front legs around my neck. She was now standing on me, her long, slender white neck blocking most of my field of view. I looked up to see her still-very-red face staring into the distance behind me, absent-mindedly muttering “Oh sweet Faust I can’t even believe this.”
She then lowered her eyes, bending her neck down to whisper in my ear.
“I need you to copulate with me, right here and now.”
“What? You want me to fuck you? But… but why?”
She facehoofed when my surprised shout drew the attention of everypony present, almost all of them turning towards us and wondering out loud if they’d heard that right.
“Look,” I continued, “I’m all flattered and stuff that you’d choose me as your last lay, but aren’t there more important things you should be doing right now? Like, maybe, using that trump card of yours?”
She grunted in frustration. “This is my trump card! Do you think I would ask this of you in mere selfish nihilist surrender? The fate of my very country and its citizens rests in the balance, and you could save them all if you’d just listen to me!”
She was starting to get pretty agitated, her face still a solid red from both her obvious embarrassment and her growing frustration. Somehow my brain failed to be helpful when it decided now was a good time to point out that “You just told me Equestria was a kingdom.”
Her voice blew my hair back as she suddenly shouted, causing echoes to rebound throughout the entire city.
“STICK YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME THIS INSTANT, HUMAN!”
“Okay ma’am!”
I started to reach down for my pants when I heard the weird little twinkle of magic just above my head, and felt their comfort leave me exposed to the cooler air of the mountainside. I looked up just in time to see the princess’ horn dimming down after its participation in my magical de-pants-ening.
She looked past me, addressing a pony I couldn’t see.
“Captain Flash Sentry, I will need protection.”
Since I couldn’t look behind me, I just stared at the countless airships getting ever closer, small dark groups of tiny dots constantly dropping from them and heading for us. They were dropping aerial infantry or something. I concentrated most of my attention to my hearing, listening to the captain behind me stammering in almost painful embarrassment.
“P-princess? I… uh, I guess I may have some in my quarters, but I don’t know if they’ll fit the-“
“From the enemies, Captain, I’ll require protection from our enemies! Shields, barriers and such, not… not that!”
“Oh… oh right, I… oh. Oh, right! Troops! Defend the princess! Raise all available shields!"
The shimmer of magic flashed between us and the advancing troops, slowly settling into nothing more than a faint glow in the air.
And then everyone was looking at me.
“Now would be a good time to get to it, Rod Lightning,” the princess said, looking down on me with her huge lavender eyes and her face still red.
“I still don’t see how this is going to help.”
“Oh, don’t worry. You’ll see soon enough. In fact,” her horn glowed again, summoning a pair of sunglasses on my face. “I think this will serve you well.”
Well, okay then, I guessed that was it. I was going to have to fuck a pony princess in the middle of a war zone in front of her entire kingdom for some reason.
I briefly wondered how my life could have ever come to this.
Oh well.
I’m not particularly turned on by the whole exhibitionist thing, usually, so getting it on in front of an entire crowd was fairly hard. But a porn star’s gotta do what a porn star’s gotta do, and the job pretty much required being able to bone anything, anywhere and anytime.
Okay then, I told myself, concentrate on the good points of her body or something. Sure she’s a pony, but she’s also super elegant. Yeah, that’s a good start. Uh… she smells really nice, too? Okay. She has this huge, long neck that’s actually pretty beautiful, her fur or whatever is uhh, very soft, actually. Hmm.
I brushed my hands across her sides, feeling the soft white hairs of her coat.
How am I even going to do this?
I slid my right hand past her rump, nestling it just under her thigh. With my grip somewhat secure, I pulled, lifting her leg to my side and bringing her plot –at least, that’s what I think it was called around here- to my exposed crotch.
Oh yeah, direct physical contact works too, I guess. Yep, it’s coming up alright.
The cloud-like flying horde of enemies was drawing closer, ponies all around us yelling variations of “here they come” left and right. I saw the princess glance back thanks to her slender white horsey neck, before frowning down at me.
“As I said, now would be a very good time to get to it, Rod.”
Oh well. She definitely wasn’t going to do anything to save us, but at least I’d die while having sex. That was how I’d always imagined I’d go anyways. I wiggled a bit to find her slit and gently pushed my member into her.
Huh, I guess I’m a pony-fucker now, I thought as I felt her warm flesh around me. She inhaled sharply when I began thrusting back and forth.
“Oh,” She simply said, “Oh sweet somersaulting Faust, it’s been so long.”
And then she farted. A cute little fart, if that’s even a thing that is possible.
She sighed deeply, and I heard her muttering behind my ears: “And so it begins…”
Then she farted a bit more.
“A-are you okay, princess?” I had to admit, this was kinda off-putting. I was fairly certain I could feel her stomach rumbling, and I couldn’t help but think it was somehow related to me and what I was doing. She wasn’t going to just… leak all over the place, was she? That would’ve been gross.
“Yes, I’m just fine. This is all perfectly… normal. Could you… Ngh, Could you help lift my tail? I’d rather not damage it.”
I lowered my left hand to the base of her tail, wrapping my fingers around the bulk of the soft rainbow hairs. Being so close to her, belly to belly, allowed me to feel her bowels rumbling, a really unsettling tremor coursing through to me. Her farts continued, growing in intensity and frequency, like the grumbling of a muscle car’s engine slowly revving up. This was getting really weird.
Just then, with a loud pop, or maybe more like a big “PAH” sound, a flash of light erupted from below my left hand, and I saw the magic shields protecting us flash once.
“Guaah! What the fuck was that?” My surprise made me step back, or it would have if the princess hadn’t clamped her legs around my neck, pulling both of us even closer.
“No!” she pleaded, “Keep going! It is –ptuh- it’s beginning! Aim for their infantry! Please don’t stop, My ponies need it! I need it to save their lives! Oh! And it feels so good after all this time!”
I heard a strange metallic clink on the floor behind me.
I was too dumbstruck to move, but the princess made up for it by grinding her hips relentlessly. Her juices were dripping lightly down the three legs on which we stood. The rumbling in her stomach intensified with each thrust, her barrage of farts only stopping for the startling bursts of light and heat every few seconds. Although, even then, those were growing more and more frequent, each one followed by another flash of the shields and another mysterious ping of metal that the princess seemed to spit out somehow.
“I don’t understand what’s going on!” I yelled as a weird metallic smell reached my nose. A light, acrid smoke was rising from the princess, apparently expelled from her behind with each blast of light.
“This, ptuh, this is my trump card, Rod! This is why –ptuh- I needed you here today! Oh yes, OH!”
And then I realized, as I saw the armored griffons rushing towards us, and I heard the princess grunt, and another flash of light erupted from her behind, just what was happening. I saw one of the flying menaces suddenly grab his shoulder and tumble down, blood spraying from his injured limb, as the princess of the sun spit out another piece of metal, and I understood.
Those things she spat were bullet casings, and those fiery farts were muzzle flashes, and they only increased in frequency because that’s how a minigun starts shooting.
I was fornicating with a pony-shaped, living gun, whose firerate was still increasing, now just past two shots per second. And it only kept going faster.
And then I realized this was the coolest thing ever.
I pushed into her with a renewed erection, provoking a sudden spurt of rapid-fire explosions from the princess’ bottom and ending the life of a few more griffons through the shimmering shield of magic. They tried to retaliate, firing arrows and a couple of flintlock pistols in our direction. All their projectiles impacted the shield harmlessly, disintegrated on impact while the ones I shot from the princess sailed right through.
Oh cool, it’s a one-way shield!
The hordes were getting closer than ever before, some soldiers even reaching the barrier. They bashed their various weapons against it as hard as they could, some of them trying to slip around the sides only to be intercepted by the remaining equestrian forces.
It would soon be useless. I could see the stream of bullets being ejected from the princess’ ass, one in every five or ten shots being a tracer round and those coming out at an ever-increasing frequency. I rotated my body slightly, adjusting the beam of lead to aim at the invaders and cutting them down by the dozen. I kept pumping my hips back and forth throughout it all, the princess moaning as she delicately coughed a steady stream of spent ammunition down my back.
The firing rate of the royal cheek gun was now too high to be estimated correctly; I couldn’t even tell how many tracer rounds we shot each second. With the first wave of enemies downed or being repelled by Canterlot’s guards, I shifted our weight to aim at more distant foes. The infernal lead storm expelled from Celestia’s anus turned the black clouds of griffon bodies into a red mist of blood and feathers. I could see the corpses raining down below.
I could understand why she needed a human for this; no pony could have done what I was doing just then. Just being able to penetrate her from the front would have been nearly impossible for a stallion even at the best of times; doing so while standing on two legs and directing the flow of projectiles was way beyond the capabilities of ponykind. They’d need to put the princess and her partner on some kind of rotating platform to even get close to the same results.
Even though I felt her flesh repeatedly contracting around my shaft and bringing unbelievable pleasure, the strain of supporting her entire weight would hopefully keep me from reaching orgasm too soon. If my member was the cause of this ridiculous phenomenon, I definitely didn’t want to stop before the enemies were taken out of the picture.
They had obviously figured out we were the biggest threat, their massive flocks converging on us. The literal shitload of bullets blazing out of the alicorn’s rear was barely enough to keep them at bay, cutting them down like some kind of flying, snake-like lawnmower passing on some weird, moving flying weeds or something. Okay, maybe I’m not all that good at coming up with metaphors.
I couldn’t hear anything at that point, the deafening roar of Celestia’s rapid-fire ass explosions drowning out every other sound like some kind of flaming, explosive series of uh, farts… yeah, I definitely suck at metaphors. Anyway, the sunglasses she had summoned on my face were becoming really useful, as the raging blaze of her anal muzzle flashes would have blinded me entirely otherwise.
The sun was now covered entirely by the massive clouds of war, further obscured by the hordes milling about in the sky around us, and entirely smothered by the acrid gunpowder smoke blowing out of the princess. Wow, look at me going all poetic and stuff. With the sunglasses over my eyes and the blinding light shooting in every direction from a few mere feet down, I had lost the ability to see much of anything. I could only distinguish the shapes of the griffons by the gleaming reflections on their armor brought on by every shot I fired. I swept the beam of blazing bullets across the sky by rotating my hips up and down and left and right. Oh god that was intense. The princess hugged me close, her forelegs clamped around my back as she moaned and coughed at the same time, vomiting thousands of empty shells in a growing pile behind my feet. The tiny golden cylinders pooled around us as they spread everywhere on the white marble floor. It looked like I was standing in a puddle of roiling liquid gold.
Her entire torso was continuously wracked with spasms, rumbling and twitching and basically vibrating on my chest. I could still perceive the whirring coming from inside her and I briefly wondered if it was painful to her. I sure was enjoying myself.
But then I ran out of griffons to kill. I slowed down, the princess’ butt blasts sputtering down a bit as I let go of her thigh to lift my shades and take a better look at the hazy aerial battlefield. The few griffons who were still flying were retreating, heading back to the massive airships approaching in the distance. The princess caught her breath just enough to be able to speak again.
“No, don’t stop!” she said, coughing an empty shell between every other word. “I-I mean, it can’t be over just yet, can it?”
One of the pony generals yelled, wading through the mound of spent casings while trying to get closer to us. “No, princess! They’re preparing a bombing run!”
The princess craned her neck around to look in the direction the pegasus was pointing at: The griffons were pouring out of the airships again, but this time they flew in a grid-like formation, and stayed high above instead of charging straight at us. They seemed bulkier, even at this distance, and I soon understood that they were simply carrying huge black cartoonish bombs in their talons.
“Everypony take cover!” the princess shouted, immediately echoed by everyone within earshot as they scrambled to hide in any available buildings. She turned back to me and whispered, “We’ll have to shoot them out of the sky before they do any damage, dear.”
And then she licked my neck, as sensually as all hell on a pillow. Or something. It was getting hard to think clearly, with all the crazy shit that was happening.
Whoa, what was that all about?
Wait, nevermind. The bomber griffons were getting awfully close. I returned my humping rhythm to its previous level, bringing back the ear-splitting rat-a-tat-tat of the royal asshole cannon. Damn it was hard to aim high enough to hit them. With a sudden inspiration, I let my left hand slide down the length of her tail while still pulling it upwards, and brought the bundle of pastel hair to my mouth. I bit down on the slightly insubstantial strands, allowing me to let go of her tail. I used my newly-freed hand to grab her other thigh and prop her up a little higher on my boner, making her ass jut out at a slightly sharper angle. I had to bend backwards a little, putting enormous strain on my legs since I was now carrying the princess’ entire weight, but it was worth it; I soon managed to hit one of the bombers in the first row. His bomb detonated in his arms when our bullets hit it, sending a shockwave of fire and griffon niblets all over the adjacent fliers and knocking them out of formation.
This gave me quite a clever idea, if I may say so myself. I began aiming for the outer edges of the formation, the explosions soon pushing most of their ranks in a tight bundle in the center of what used to be an approaching square. I smirked and shot in the middle of the mass. They tried to scramble, of course, but it was useless: as soon as I hit one of them the whole group blew up in a huge chain reaction. The few survivors just threw their bombs before retreating in a disorganized mess.
I tried to intercept the incoming projectiles but only managed to hit one, the other three who were accurate enough to do so landing around us in a series of deafening blasts. One of them hit the shields, making them instantly opaque from the impact. Thankfully they held, but once they cleared I could see something much worse; the massive griffon airships were almost on us, and they were pointing hundreds of cannons at us.
“Fuck.” I said, my voice muffled by Celestia’s tail.
“Oh yes! Dear Faust yes! Do so, Rod! Harder!”
“Uh,” I spat out her tail, catching it with my hand again. “I mean we’re in trouble!”
She looked at the ships, then back to me. Suddenly, I found her lips pressed against mine and my mouth full of tongue and bullet casings; she was still coughing them up, after all. After the kiss ended and left me sputtering and coughing the little cylinders out, her magically-gripped tail found its way between my jaws again.
“Rod Lightning,” she said as I was being silenced by her rear rainbow, “There’s no backing down now, dear. We’re either going to take them down or die trying, and you’ll make me enjoy every last second of it, understood?”
I nodded, wide eyed. Her little last stand speech had been slightly undermined by the fact that she was basically stuttering from all those casings she spat, but it still had all the authority that she normally had.
Besides, the little sultry smile that refused to leave her lips even as she spoke and coughed told me she enjoyed this at least as much as me. Maybe even more, actually.
“Good.” The white alicorn nodded, licked my neck again, and re-adjusted her position on my body. “Now fuck me, Rod! Fuck me like it’s your last day alive! Fuck me for my little ponies! Fuck me for Equestria! Fuck me harder than you’ve ever fucked before!”
I could practically feel the thuds of the ponies that fainted behind me after hearing her words.
The airships were now so close I could see their cabins, dozens of little windows offering a view of the inside. Giant hatches on the sides were slowly closing, their purpose of dropping infantry fulfilled and obsolete as more and more cannons poked out of the hull in neat rows. They were all aiming straight at us.
I grunted as I pushed myself deeper in the soft flesh of the princess, the pulsations of her pussy transitioning flawlessly into the mechanical vibrations that shook her entire body with each bullet fired. The blazing roar of her ass heated the very ground as I stepped forward in fury, pushing the infernal torrent of burning lead towards the flying death ship headed for us.
I saw the impacts leaving pockmarks in the steel shell of the carrier, tearing the armor apart and leaving scars on its gleaming surface as I swept the beam of destruction across its hull.
It didn’t slow it down, and it certainly didn’t stop it from firing.
The monstrous projectiles exploded all around us, blasting chunks of marble every which way and straining the magic shields to the point where I heard them crack. I just kept humping almost mindlessly, the fatigue of holding a pony as big as myself propped up on my dick beginning to make itself known. When I could finally see through the shields again, I tried to aim for the windows and hatches, hoping that their armor wouldn’t be as sturdy so that maybe I could open a breach to the vital components inside. It didn’t seem to be of much use as the cannons steadied themselves once again and launched a second volley of deadly steel.
The entire shield shattered under the power of the much more accurate shots, sending shards of sparkling magic flying in every direction while the ground shook violently. The princess flapped her wings to stabilize us as best she could, but we still ended up sprawled on the pile of spent ammo.
I scrambled to find her slit again, the fall having knocked me out of her. If I was quick enough maybe I could shoot at least a few more bullets before their next salvo, and if I was incredibly lucky those would be enough to take them down before we both got killed.
I saw the griffons lighting the fuses of the cannons, huge grins spread across their beaks, and I knew then that my efforts would be useless.
I spat out her tail again.
“Well princess, I guess this is it. It was fun knowing you, and I definitely enjoyed those past few minutes with you, but I don’t think we’re going to make it.”
Her only response was a startled gasp and as I wondered why, the answer came in the form of a giant red laser slashing across the smoke-filled sky and cutting the airship clean in two. Both halves exploded in a violent double fireball, sending bits of flaming debris all over the place. The shockwave pushed us at least three feet back through the mound of casings, most of those flying back to parts unknown. I soon felt the deep rumble of the burning carcass hitting the side of the mountain way below, and as soon as the cataclysmic noise died down enough, I heard a familiar voice cutting through the echoes.
“Don’t give up just yet, kid!”
I spun around under Celestia’s form, confirming with my eyes what I already knew thanks to my ears.
“Dick Thunder!” I yelled, “My idol and mentor! What are you doing here?”
The man simply smiled under his famous trademarked moustache, his trademarked manly muscles busy holding a panting princess Luna to his trademarked hairy chest as he rammed his trademarked member in her rear. A second giant laser, blue this time, shot out from her vagina and pulverized another airship further away in a breathtaking display of firepower.
“I came as soon as I heard you were in danger, Rod!” he paused to laugh his trademarked manly laugh. “And then I ran to the nearest Laundromat to get here as fast as possible! Now get up! We have pony princesses to please, and a war to win!”
I scrambled to my feet as fast as I could, smiling from ear to ear. I couldn’t believe this! The most legendary porn star of all time was here to save my very life! I opened my mouth but instantly realized that words would never be able to express my gratitude. I simply held out my fist, which the manly man of ultimate pornographic talent punched lightly before re-affirming his grip on the night princess and turning to face the incoming enemies.
“Let’s do this, kid!”
I grabbed my own princess and did the same, grinning all the while.
Best day ever.