Of Stories and Spas
Tick, tick, tick, tick, CRIIIICK. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, CRIIIICK. Twilight tried to keep her composure but the sound of the typewriter was boring into her mind. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, CRIIIICK. Her eyebrow began to physically tick whilst her body began to shake with barely constrained rage. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, CRIIIICK.
“How could anypony honestly prefer this horrible contraption to writing with a quill?!” she screamed out loud, holding her hooves in the air. With a deep exhalation she collapsed face down onto the desk, resting her head beside the typewriter.
She could hear footsteps upstairs; no doubt that she had awoken that lazy, good for nothing assistant of hers. “SPIKE!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. The footsteps hastened, crossing over her head and towards the stairwell. They proceeded down the stairs and round the corner. Twilight didn’t even lift her head from the table as the dragon rushed up to her.
“Twilight?! Are you okay? You don’t look so good!” Spike said worriedly when his gaze turned to the typewriter and what was written there. “Twilight Sparkle, what did I say about writing your novel at night. Wait a second.” Spike’s worried expression completely changed to a furious glare. “You’ve been up all night haven’t you?! What did I say about staying up all night?! Your stupid story can wait until morning!” Spike moaned, and moaned and then he moaned some more.
Twilight continued to lie there, completely ignoring what Spike was saying. In the deep recesses of her mind she was mildly aware of an irritating drone coming from behind her but she was too busy to focus. She couldn’t think of how Sir Prancealot and Lady Neighevere were going to react when their eyes met. Another pressing matter suddenly forced its way into her mind. “Coffee!” Twilight demanded loudly, discarding Spike’s concerns like a used tissue.
“Are you even listening to me?! Sometimes you can be such a child! I’m the one who’s meant to be the whining child not you!” Spike continued to complain.
“COFFEE!” Twilight screamed as she finally lifted her head and swung it towards Spike. Spike almost screamed and leapt back as two very large bloodshot eyes were now inches from his face. “Will you just make some Celestiadamn coffee?!” Twilight repeated, throwing huge globs of saliva all over Spike’s face.
Spike’s eyes were still wide open in shock and his jaw was slack. Twilight never used Celestia’s name in vain like that. This was just another show of depravity by the obsessed mare. Spike’s body switched to autopilot as it turned around and walked towards the kitchen. The great gears in his mind began to buzz again as he processed this information into a workable solution.
It had all started off quite innocently. One day Twilight realised that she had actually read every book in the library. As a joking aside Spike had foolishly suggested she write her own story since she had now experienced so many different tales. Plotting it had been quite easy; she had toyed with several ideas and sat around with quill furiously scribbling on paper. Then she had informed him that she was planning on purchasing one of those typewriters to keep printing costs low. So they had and then it had all gone downhill. At first, she began to blow off going out with her friends, then she had started going to bed later and later. Now she’s been pulling all-nighters for the past week. This really was the last straw; he was going to have to hold an intervention.
“Spike! Why is my coffee taking so long!” the unicorn screamed from the other room. Spike sighed heavily as he lifted up the kettle and poured boiling water into a mug. His face suddenly twisted into a smile as a cunning plan crossed his mind. Reaching into the cupboard he pulled out some herbal tea, adding it to the water. He then pulled out a spoon from a drawer and stirred it in. If that didn’t ease her into a gentle sleep then he didn’t know what would. Seconds later he was placing it beside the unhealthy looking purple pony. Her eyes had sunken into her head and thick beads of sweat coated her face. Behind her bloodshot and slightly glazed eyes was a dull spark. She was definitely not feeling well after all this lack of sleep.
Twilight seized the coffee mug with her hoof, not her magic Spike noted. Seconds later the hot liquid was guzzling down her throat. Her bleary eyes widened when instead of the usual energy buzz she began to feel even more tired. “What did you put in my drink?!” Twilight shouted with the last reserves of her energy as she climbed to her hooves and went to roughly seize Spike.
Spike took a step back as the purple unicorn seemed to lunge towards him and ended up belly first on the floor. Within seconds she was snoring loudly. Spike sighed as he went to lift her up, only to find that he couldn’t. Straining his meagre muscles, he attempted to push her across the floor. Once again he failed. “I thought these gym workouts were working,” Spike muttered to himself. With another exasperated sigh he went back upstairs and grabbed a pair of pillows and a duvet from Twilight’s bed, bringing them downstairs and making a make-shift bed on the floor.
Spike walked over to Twilight’s desk to get a quill and some paper, only to find the draw empty. He didn’t want to wait another three hours until the Quill & Sofa store opened. A hoot from upstairs made the solution clear, although it wasn’t one Spike was happy with. “Owlowiscious?” he called upstairs with a hint of bitterness. Another hoot from upstairs drifted down the stairwell. “Come here and give me a feather, would you?” Spike said, the bitterness now completely permeating his voice. He had never quite gotten over the second assistant. Being on the day job meant he didn’t normally have to deal with that obnoxious owl; but desperate times called for desperate measures.
The small owl flitted downstairs to see that arrogant purple dragon stood beside the sleeping form of his Mistress. “What did you do to her?!” he shouted angrily.
“It’s Spike! We do this every time! S..P…I…K…E! Spike!” Spike shouted at the clueless owl. “Look I need you to help me with Twilight,” Spike added more softly.
“Oh yes, the purple unicorn that your standing beside suspiciously. The one that is physically lying at your feet,” Owlowiscious muttered in reply.
“Twilight! Your mistress! The purple unicorn that accommodates you and cares for you! Her!” Spike shouted, this owl always knew how to push his buttons. “Look, I just need a feather so that I can write a letter to Princess Celestia,” Spike tried to speak calmly and kindly but there was a rough edge to his voice.
“Here have a feather,” Owlowiscious plucked one out with his wing flexed like a hand. He then passed it to Spike who snatched it clumsily with his sharp claws.
“I’m not even going to answer that one…” Spike snapped at the owl who just rolled his eyes and flew back off upstairs. “Thanks,” Spike muttered to the retreating owl who hooted once in reply before vanishing up the stairs. Spike pulled out one of the many, many, notepads that lay scattered across the reading room. Flipping through it he found that every single page was covered in Twilight’s scrawl. He could clearly see where she started writing in the morning with her usual calligraphy and how it slowly degenerated during the day. He picked up a second notepad with much the same results. After combing through no less than twelve different notepads he finally found one that was only half-filled. Ripping out the last page he grabbed an inkwell from the desk and began to write in his most formal handwriting.
Dear Princess Celestia,
I am sure you received the letters from Twilight regarding her novel; well there have been some new developments on this front. I’m sure you’ve noticed how for the past three weeks she hasn’t posted a single friendship report. This is not due to her new deal that she struck but due to her own current state of mind. She has become completely enraptured with her newest intellectual pursuit, the art of writing. I have once again caught her staying up all night in some vain attempt to write more. I humbly request that you speak to her and convince her to abandon this course of action.
Yours sincerely,
Your Number One Student’s Number One Assistant, Spike
With the letter written he rolled it up and sealed it with a bronze seal marked with a large S. Earlier in the year Spike had adopted the bronze seal as his letter mark, whilst Twilight’s were signed with a large T in silver, Celestia retained her golden C of course. He reached up and pushed open the window. With a puff of green fire the letter transformed into a wisp of emerald smoke that rose out of the window and into the sky. Okay, letter sent; Twilight asleep. What else is there to do? Spike thought to himself.
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Twilight awoke with a huge yawn and went to climb out of bed… only to find her bed wasn’t there. Shooting upright with a start she realised she was on the floor in the reading room. A look down told her that she was still covered with her own duvet. Spike must have made me a bed when I fell asleep, Twilight mused. How kind of him, he’s definitely earned himself some kind of reward. Twilight positively beamed as she stood up, feeling more refreshed than she had done in ages. Well, time to get writing; don’t want to fall behind on my schedule now, do I? She giggled as she clambered out of her bedding and over to her chair.
“Twilight,” a dull voice called from the kitchen. “Why don’t you come in here, we have something to talk about.”
Twilight jumped at the sound of the voice, it didn’t take much to figure out it was Spike despite the unusually flat intonation. It was readily apparent from her expression that she was confused at first but then she shrugged it off. Spike would never do anything to harm her. She trotted into the kitchen to see Spike was sat at the kitchen table facing her as she entered. The room was darkened; somebody had covered up the window and snuffed out all the candles bar one, which sat at the table.
“Take a seat Twilight,” The young dragon said, his voice still emotionless and flat.
Twilight tried her best to hold her smile, but it was clearly becoming strained and nervous. She trotted across the kitchen regardless, her hooves echoing off the wooden floor with each step. She kept her eyes on Spike as she took the seat opposite him. The dragon appeared to mutter something to himself, mostly inaudible to the inquisitive unicorn. Twilight sat there motionless for what felt like hours, a clock ticking ever so slowly in the background. Spike eventually motioned for her hoof which she placed on the table by the candle. He picked up a slip of paper and placed it in her outstretched hoof. Pulling it back, she lifted it up to read it.
“Surprise!” a voice suddenly screamed as a positively perky pink pony pranced into the room. The lights all suddenly lit at once almost blinding the startled purple pony. Spinning around she could see all of her best friends. Rainbow Dash stood behind her with Rarity blocking the exit to the reading room. Applejack and Fluttershy stood at the other entrance to the kitchen in front of the passage to the library proper. Pinkie Pie stood slap-bang in the centre of the room, a huge radiant smile on her face, surrounded by balloons.
“Happy Intervention Day!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed holding out an identical piece of paper to the one Spike had just handed her.
“Two tickets to the Eau de Vie Spa in Hoofdale?” Twilight read aloud in an incredulous manner. “Whatever are these for? Wait, you said intervention!” Twilight suddenly switched into defensive mode as she began to trawl through her memory for why she would need an intervention.
“Ah’m sorry Sugarcube, but you’re gonna need to stop writin’ that book o’ yours,” Applejack said, taking a step towards her.
“My book? This is all about my book? Don’t you think you’re over-reacting somewhat?” Twilight said with a laugh.
“Twilight, what day is it?” Rainbow Dash asked innocently enough.
“Oh my, what a question,” Twilight said dismissively. A hard stare from Rainbow Dash forced her to think it through. “It’s the Day of Laughter, eighteenth Celestial isn’t it?” She ventured after around half a minute.
“Wrong!” Rainbow Dash shouted aggressively, “it’s the Day of Generosity, twenty-eighth Celestial!”
“That’s impossible! Just yesterday I was… no wait, that was the day before wasn’t it? Or was that last week? I can’t quite remember.” Twilight laughed nervously.
“Umm… I haven’t seen you for over two weeks now,” a quiet voice chirped in from behind Applejack.
“I’m sorry Fluttershy, I hadn’t realised. I’m guessing it’s the same for all you girls,” Twilight said apologetically.
“You’re darn tootin’ you haven’t,” Applejack replied with a slightly hostile tone.
“I’m sorry all of you, truly I am. I will make sure to make it all up to you,” Twilight began earning smiles and nods from her friends. “As soon as I finish the book,” she finished.
All of their nods and smiles suddenly changed to looks of disapproval. “Twilight?!” Spike shouted, banging his fists against the table.
“Are you saying that book is more important than us?!” Rainbow flew up to Twilight and poked her in the chest confrontationally.
“Rainbow Dash, darling, let me talk to her. If anypony here knows anything about obsession, it is I, Rarity,” Rarity announced to the group as she stepped forwards. “Twilight?” she said softly as she replaced Rainbow Dash directly in front of Twilight’s face.
“Yes?” Twilight asked a little worriedly.
“Calm yourself. Think calming thoughts; imagine the ocean on a calm, moonlit night. The waves are lazily beating against the sandy beach, where you are laying. Imagine…” Rarity insisted when Twilight suddenly cut her off.
“That’s it! A moonlit beach is the perfect setting for Prancealot and Neighevere to have their first romantic encounter! You are a genius Rarity; I must go type that down now!” Twilight jumped around enthusiastically before bounding to the reading room, only to find a hoof blocking the way out. “What is the meaning of this?!” she demanded to the bearer of the hoof, Rainbow Dash.
“You think we’re just going to let you waltz off and scrawl something down after all we just talked about?!” Rainbow shouted back to the anxious mare.
“Just one scene and then we can go and hang out? Please?” Twilight begged.
“And miss out on an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to enjoy a weekend in the fanciest spa in Equestria?! Au contraire, my dear Twilight,” Rarity said with barely contained enthusiasm as she seemed to appear behind Twilight out of nowhere.
Pinkie Pie was suddenly there too along with a loud of her brightly coloured balloons, each carefully stencilled with the words “Happy Intervention Day”. “It’ll be like one big party!” she shouted joyously.
“The whuh?” Twilight said confusedly.
“Princess Celestia has ordered us to help you relax! I, the bearer of the Element of Laughter, have sworn to uphold the word of my Princess, Lady Celestia, and make sure to help you unwind!” Pinkie said in her best faux posh accent. Rarity did not look amused.
“I couldn’t possibly… I haven’t even packed…” Twilight began to babble.
“Don’t worry, I’ve packed it all up for you,” Spike said snidely from the table.
“I’d love to but… uh, another shipment of books is arriving tomorrow and I need to sign or them,” Twilight said with a clearly false smile.
“Don’t worry, I’ll handle the library,” Spike added.
“You couldn’t possibly Spike, Twilight needs you now more than ever, you have to come with us.” Applejack turned on the young dragon.
“To a spa?! Filled with icky girl things?! No thank you!” Spike shouted rudely, holding out both hands as if to push her away.
“Ohhhh, Spikey wikey!” Rarity said childishly with a big overstated pout on her face.
Spike’s expression warmed as the hostility was replaced by a look of pure desire. “I mean of course I’ll come. And you thought I’d leave my best friend on her own during such a difficult time, for shame.” Spike changed it around on Applejack before sprinting upstairs.
“Ah did what now?” Applejack said, puzzled by Spike’s previous statement.
“Oh look, the carriage is here,” Fluttershy said softly from her vantage point by the now bare window.
“Look, I’m sure all you girls could have a lovely time without me,” Twilight began as she tried to slip past Rainbow Dash.
“Nuh-uh Egghead! If I’ve gotta go, you’ve gotta go!” Rainbow Dash said seizing the unicorn and pulling her towards the front door.
Outside sat a large golden carriage drawn by no less than six winged Pegasi, all of them wearing the armour of the Celestia Guard. The carriage was very large with eight clear seats and a large section at the back for luggage.
The band of six all climbed aboard the carriage, each with their own case readily prepared, bar Twilight of course. Just as Rainbow Dash threw her bag roughly into a seat, Spike came jogging out with two cases which he hoisted up onto the coach.
“Who’s going to run the library?!” Twilight shouted distressedly.
“I sent a note to Celestia, somepony is being sent to do it now,” Spike said dismissively as he clambered onto the carriage.
“Is that all of you?” one of the guards closest to them asked politely.
“Yes it is,” Rarity replied cordially.
“Very good, then off to Hoofdale it is!” the same guard called back. The six guardsponies rose with a neigh and took to the air.
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The trip was taking considerably less time than the group had expected. The six guardsponies with their strong wings were making good headway and would reach Hoofdale in a matter of minutes. The passengers were talking excitedly about what they were going to do when they get there, all except Twilight who sat near motionless trying to think of anything and everything but her story. She was not very successful. In the end she took to listening to the excited chatter of her assorted friends until a guard spoke up from the front.
“We are now approaching the Eau de Vie Spa, please take your seats for landing,” a different guard from the one that spoke earlier said in a well practiced manner.
All the ponies, and Spike, took their seats once again. The carriage banked as it shot through the cloud-layer and towards the ground. As they flew downwards they evened out until eventually they touched the ground so lightly that even Rarity didn’t feel the collision. The ponies up front landed with a canter, cleanly shifting from their wings to their hooves as they drew up to a large wooden gate.
“Here’s your stop, thank you for flying Air Celestia,” the guard who announced they were getting close said with a snort of laughter.
His friend tapped him on the head with his hoof and gave him a withering glare.
“I’m coming L’Eau de Vie!” Rarity screamed as she grabbed her small suitcase and leapt off the carriage, rushing through the gate before anypony could stop her. With a collective sigh the five friends turned to Rainbow Dash.
“Fine, I’ll get her,” Rainbow muttered seizing her gym bag before taking to the air and zooming after the frantic fashionista.
Applejack was next to her hooves, picking up her saddlebags and attaching them. “Should we all go in together?” she asked the remaining ponies… and Spike.
“Yes!” Fluttershy shouted relievedly as she grabbed her saddlebags too. She then hesitated as she realised how rude she could be interpreted as being and added very softly, “I mean… if that’s okay with everypony else.”
“Course it is sugar cube, otherwise I wouldn’t have suggested it,” Applejack replied with a smile.
“Come on Twilight, we’re here let’s go!” Spike shouted as he grabbed Twilight’s hoof and attempted to pull her up.
“But what if…” Twilight mumbled to herself. Spike sighed and gave her a sharp poke with his claw. She suddenly leapt up into the air with a squeak. Landing on her hooves she turned to Spike with an accusatory glare. “What did you do that for?!”
Spike rolled his eyes and grabbed his suitcase, wheeling it out of the carriage and joining the other two ponies.
Twilight watched him walk away when a voice suddenly startled her.
“Uh, miss? We really need to get going. If you could get your case and join your friends,” one of the other guards who hadn’t spoken yet piped up.
“Oh? Sorry, I’m just feeling a bit… flustered. Yes, I’ll just grab my case and leave now,” Twilight said with a gulp.
“Need a hoof there Twi?” Applejack asked as she approached the carriage.
“Oh you poor dear, have you got a fever?” Fluttershy said as she joined her.
Spike just sighed as he walked up and grabbed Twilight’s case off the carriage too.
“Come on Twi, a little rest and you’ll be feeling right as rain,” Applejack said as she lifted the unicorn off of the carriage and began to carry her towards the gate.
“Uhh… thank you,” Fluttershy mumbled awkwardly to the guardsponies before galloping after Applejack.
“Just doing our job,” one of the guards said back, mostly to himself. The sextet of guardsponies then lifted into the air, carrying the carriage back on its lofty voyage back to Canterlot.
“Whoa nelly,” Applejack mumbled appreciatively as the three ponies and Spike passed through the colossal oak gates and into another world. A world of manicured grass studded with beautiful flowers; a world of neatly trimmed hedges and free-flowing fountains. Up ahead, Rarity was almost in tears standing at the foot of a huge marble statue of what was supposed to represent relaxation. To Applejack it just looked like a pony being attacked by a swarm of bees, she couldn’t help but admire the craftsmanship though.
“But… where are all the animals,” Fluttershy said, looking in all directions for any sign of some fluffy friends.
“Just look at it! So beautiful!” Rarity said, staring up at the idol that towered above her.
“Can we keep moving?! I want to actually get to our rooms sometime today!” Rainbow Dash shouted, appearing from behind the statue.
Up ahead was a large, immaculate white building, constructed completely of marble. The pristine teak doors were carefully pushed open and an equally refined pony strutted out. The pony was a white unicorn but was wearing a black tuxedo. He trotted carefully, each step meticulously placed so his gait was perfectly balanced. The six ponies, and Spike, got into a semi-circle to greet him.
The newcomer took one careful look at each pony and then inquired in a voice as refined as his appearance, “Are you the esteemed guests that Princess Celestia personally booked in?”
“How d’ya do? This here is the Princess’s personal protégé, Twilight Sparkle,” Applejack said in her usual rough and tumble tone, holding up the partially conscious Twilight.
The pony took another hard look at the purple unicorn, his brow visibly furrowing.
“I’ve got it!” Twilight suddenly snapped to attention and her hooves, knocking back the refined newcomer. She looked around expectantly before her expression soured. “Do you have a quill and some parchment?!”
The pony dusted his jacket with a hoof and announced in the same elegant tone as before, “Princess Celestia has demanded that you have no access to any writing implements for the duration of your stay here, Miss Sparkle.”
“What?! But… but…” Twilight visibly paled as she started to hyperventilate.
“Will you stop with this writing chaff?!” Rainbow Dash shouted at the panicking unicorn.
“Whoa! Hold it there pardner!” Applejack grabbed Rainbow Dash and pulled her aside, “Can’t you see how much this means to her? We need to ease her out of it,” she whispered quietly.
“Can’t she see what it’s doing to her? There’s no ways she’s that crazy,” Rainbow Dash attempted to whisper back, but her anger kept trying to magnify her voice leading to the volume fluctuating constantly.
“While I’m sure this is important, I am a very busy pony. If you would care to follow me, I will lead you to your rooms. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask,” he said in a well-practiced manner.
The party of seven all stopped what they were doing and lifted up their respective bags, except Twilight, Spike had to lift both of theirs. They then proceeded to follow the colt along the gravelled pathways of the spa. They couldn’t help but gaze around in wonder at each respective building or ornament. There was an art gallery made entirely of magically reinforced canvas, a pool so long they couldn’t even see the other side from where they were trotting, a huge maze constructed entirely of mirrors. As if that wasn’t enough, every so often they’d pass another statue or sculpture crafted by the crème de la crème of sculptors: Ponatello, Neighcal-Angelo, Grifdin; all had at least one statue gracing the carefully smoothed gravel pathways. Twilight was now over the initial shock of being stranded from the written word and was oohing and aahing with her friends at each impressive sight.
“We are coming up on the legendary Eau de Vie. Princess Celestia’s royal chambers overlook the spring itself. Due to her insistence on you being here now and not in nine months when our schedule is clear, you will be staying in the royal apartments. Ah, here we are now,” their guide informed them as he pointed towards what could be called a manor. A huge three-story building proudly displaying a massive sun set into the stonework. At the top a balcony sat directly above the crystal-clear blue water of the spring. The spring itself filled the air with an odd blend of scented oils and pungent gases. The house was surrounded by a large metal gate that was clearly enchanted. If you stared at it closely, you could just make out pulses of blue energy wafting into the air.
Applejack whistled in appreciation whilst Rarity looked like she was about to have a heart-attack. Twilight trotted forwards to find the gate opened for her automatically, as if detecting her very presence.
“I hope you find everything to your liking. If you need anything then just ring the bell, a pegasi will be dispatched to take your order,” the unicorn said smartly then turned to leave.
“Much obliged,” Applejack said with a tip of her hat.
“I’m certain you are. If you need me, send for Gilded Tongue. I am always willing to serve any affiliate to our royal highnesses,” the unicorn said without turning before trotting away again.
“Well, what are we waiting for? It’s almost nap time!” Rainbow Dash said to the gathered ponies before galloping through the open gate and into the house beyond. The remaining ponies shared a look before bursting out laughing and cantering in after her.
Inside was extremely reminiscent of Canterlot Castle. The floor was the same marble tiling, covered with the same silky red carpet. The ceilings were equally cavernous. Twilight felt right at home as she galloped across a giant mosaic sun and up the stairs to the second floor. Spike came running in after her and with a heavy sigh, pursued her up to the next floor.
“Twilight! You’d better not be heading to Celestia’s private study!” Spike shouted as he crested the stairwell.
“It’s an emergency Spike, I’m sure she’d understand,” Twilight replied as she stopped outside the large double doors and went to push them open. They wouldn’t budge; she pushed again with the same result.
“If… Celestia ordered… no access to… writing equipment… why would she…. leave her study… unlocked?” Spike wheezed as he stopped by the irritated purple unicorn.
“Gah! Why can nopony seen the importance of this?!” Twilight shouted to the world in general.
“Oh Twilight, don’t you think your overreacting just a teensy-tiny bit?” Rarity said as she trotted up. “Look, I’m going to sample L’Eau de Vie, get my mind off of work and such. You’re more than welcome to join me; we could relax all of that tension out of you. Maybe a massage afterwards would help, yes? The full-blown Eau de Vie treatment,” Rarity insisted, leading the frazzled form of Twilight back downstairs and out of the front door.
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Twilight looked at the naturally effervescing waters that were so famous. The smell of scented oils was nearly overpowering at this distance but Rarity didn’t seem to mind at all. The water could actually be heard bubbling, in the distance there was mumbled talk but the pool created a thick fog in the air that made seeing any further difficult. The thick fog had a strangely acrid taste.
“Bleh! What in Luna’s name is this?” Twilight grumbled aloud.
“Twilight darling, this entire process is meant to cleanse the mind and the body. Can you not feel the fog cleansing your throat and nose, eliminating all manner of foreign particles?”
“Oh so that’s the burning sensation is it,” Twilight managed to croak through her scratchy throat.
Rarity lowered herself gently into the waters, with a short cry of, “ooh”. She then seemed to physically relax as all the tension in her entire body just seemed to vanish. “Aaaaaaah,” she said relaxedly as she began to drift around. “Come on in Twilight, the water is simply divine,” she added with a wink and a wave to Twilight, who was still standing awkwardly on the edge.
Twilight put a hoof in and then felt it melt away in the molten lava that was the pool. With a shriek she leapt back and fell to the floor, hyperventilating again.
Rarity attempted to sit up and asked concernedly, “What’s wrong Twilight, darling?”
“That water?! It’s like Celestia dipped the sun itself in that accursed pool!” Twilight screamed back.
“Oh come now Twilight, it’s not that bad. Think of it as a giant bath rather than a pool. The heat helps relieve tensions and rest up that mind of yours. It all serves a purpose Twilight, and that purpose is relaxation.
“Okay, okay. I’m going to try just jumping in,” Twilight said with a gulp.
“If that’s how you want to do it, but you could just…” Rarity began before a wave of hot water was thrust into her face
.
Twilight jumped in, tucking all of her legs to try and keep them out of the heat a split second longer. With a large splash she impacted the water and sank to the bottom. After a few seconds she shot back up again screaming with discomfort as she began to melt.
“Twilight. You’re fine, please stop screaming,” Rarity said awkwardly, aware that the mumbled voices in the distance had stopped.
“By Celestia’s beard, the heat! The heat!” she shouted once more before appearing to faint.
Rarity rushed to her side and lifted her above the water. “Twilight?! Speak to me!” she screamed at the sickly looking mare.
“Rarity? Dear sweet Rarity?” she whispered in a tone requiring Rarity to move in even closer to hear her. “I think I’m fading,” she whispered again.
Rarity just dropped her at this stage.
“Hey! I was about to make a speech,” Twilight shouted then burst out laughing.
“Yes, yes but the melodrama rating for that was off the charts, there is quite simply no way that I would have ever believed that,” Rarity said, followed by a loud humph.
“Wait! That is just what was missing from my story, an extremely melodramatic death scene!” Twilight said with a leap of joy before splashing back down in the crystalline waters.
“Twilight, you can’t write these ideas down and you are just going to forget them. Try to relax and enjoy yourself; have a little joie de vivre,” Rarity said with an exasperated sigh.
“I suppose it’s worth a try,” Twilight sighed back as she closed her eyes and just let herself float in the water. It was kind of relaxing actually, the way the bubbles caressed her fur, the way the water boiled into every pore, cleaning it of any dirt that could be found. In fact it was a little too relaxing. Twilight suddenly found herself falling asleep and sinking beneath the water.
“Twilight, will you stop with your shenanigans, I am not going to fall for the same thing twice,” Rarity said with a snort. After around ten seconds with no reappearance of Twilight, Rarity began to get a little worried. “Twilight? Will you stop playing these tricks. Twilight? Twilight?!” Rarity shouted worriedly before paddling over to where Twilight had been. She took in a deep breath of air and held it before plunging into the boiling water. Twilight lay at the bottom of the pool of water, her mouth closed but her nostrils still flaring. Rarity’s eyes widened as she realised Twilight really wasn’t faking it and her horn lit up a gentle blue. Twilight’s body lifted up out of the water and was plonked onto the side. Rarity swiftly shot back out of the water and leapt up, running to her side. She turned her over when an ungodly sound came from Twilight. She was snoring extremely irritatingly.
“Twilight you lazy… gah!” Rarity exclaimed, before lifting her again and carrying her into the house. Everypony else appeared to have left, all except for Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash came trotting over to the top of the stairs from one of the bedrooms when she heard the pair enter. Seeing the two soaked unicorns made her burst out laughing, rolling on the ground in fits of hysteria.
“Very mature Rainbow Dash,” Rarity scolded with a sharp glare at the pegasus. The combination of wet hair and evil glare actually made Dash laugh even more as she began to practically choke on her laughter. This earned an even harder glare resulting in more laughter; it had become a vicious circle. Eventually Rarity broke the circle with a pettish shake of her head. “Twilight just fell asleep in the hot springs; it’s too dangerous for her to go back in. You’re going to have to look after her now,” Rarity said dismissively before turning to leave.
“Hang on! You can’t just foist her on me?! How am I meant to help her relax?”
“Just do what you always do. Now if you excuse me, I have a treatment plan to stick to. Ta-ta,” Rarity said before trotting back out of the manor house.
Rainbow Dash stood at the top of the stairs staring down at the soaking yet also snoozing unicorn with a sigh. “Hey, Egghead!” she shouted to the unicorn who just mumbled quietly in reply. “HEY! Egghead!” she shouted again, considerably louder but the unicorn still didn’t stir. With another sigh she trotted downstairs and sat beside the unicorn before clearing her throat. “HEY! EGGHEAD!” she screamed into Twilight’s ear who awoke with a start, leaping into the air.
“Have at thee beast!” Twilight cried aloud before shaking her head and turning to the rainbow-maned pegasus beside her. “How did I know it’d be you?” she said accusatorily but the pegasus just smiled in reply. “Look, if you just give me some paper and a quill so I can jot this down, then we can go run some leaves or something,” Twilight said angrily to Dash.
“Not a chance, Egghead. Why don’t we just go catch some Z’s, I find everything a little bit better after a nap,” Rainbow Dash said as she stretched out her hooves and yawned visibly.
“I just was asleep! Why would you wake me?!” Twilight retorted angrily.
“Because you need to dry off and go lay in a proper bed, not the sun mosaic on the ground floor,” Rainbow Dash said as if it was obvious.
“Oh,” was all Twilight managed. She trotted up the stairs and into the bathroom to find a towel.
Rainbow Dash vanished into the kitchens and returned with two bottles of frosty beer. Twilight walked out of the bathroom nice and dry and followed the pegasus into the royal chambers.
“You have to check it out, the Princess’s bed is quite possibly the most comfortable thing I have ever lain on and I used to live in Cloudsdale!” Rainbow Dash said excitedly as she flew up to the bed and landed on it, spilling some of the beer haphazardly on the sheets.
“Rainbow Dash! This is the Princess’s personal bed! You can’t sleep on this, let alone chuck beer all over it!”
“Relax Twilight, that’s what we’re here to do. Relax. Here, take this brewski and come lay down on the other side. This bed’s big enough to fit like five ponies comfortably,” Rainbow Dash said with a dismissive wave of her hoof.
Twilight levitated the beer towards her and took a sip; the cool, refreshing drink calmed her down a bit. With a shrug she trotted over to the bed and fell into a land of comfort. She practically sunk into the depths of the bed. She couldn’t help but let out a pleasurable sigh.
“What’d I tell you, pretty sweet right?” Rainbow Dash said as she took another draught of her beer.
“The sweetest,” Twilight Sparkle sighed contentedly. Twilight rolled back face up and levitated the beer back to her mouth. She took a long draught, the cool liquid smoothing her throat and easing her worries.
“There’s nothing quite like a comfy bed, a cold beer and a good friend to relax now is there?” Rainbow Dash asked confidently.
“Yeah this is pretty relaxing,” Twilight said as she stretched out as far as she could.
The two ponies just lay back, enjoying the comfort in silence; that is until Twilight’s mind started to wander again. “Hey, Dash,” she called to the pegasus sat beside her. Rainbow Dash grunted in reply. “Do you prefer a tragic ending or a happy ending?” Twilight asked absent-mindedly.
“What? Why?” Rainbow Dash sat up and looked at her companion shiftily.
“I was just thinking… y’know? Some ponies love a good tragedy but others prefer a happy ending,” Twilight said in the same tone.
“How is that relevant right now?” Rainbow Dash asked incredulously.
“I’m just thinking about stuff,” Twilight said. A flash of her eyes betrayed her real intent.
“Thinking about your novel?” Rainbow Dash sighed.
“No, I’m just… thinking,” Twilight said very unconvincingly.
“Twilight. Just stop,” Rainbow Dash said climbing off of the bed.
“What? I’m just brainstorming a little,” Twilight said defensively.
“Yeah but you know what you aren’t doing? Relaxing,” Rainbow Dash sighed and took another drink.
“I am relaxed, I’m just,” Twilight began but Rainbow Dash shook her head.
“You just don’t get it do you?!” Rainbow Dash shouted.
“You can’t just expect me to sit here completely inactive,” Twilight moaned.
“You know what?! Just go. Go find Fluttershy or Pinkie Pie. It’s obvious that you can’t appreciate my company,” Rainbow Dash mumbled angrily. She drained the beer bottle and stamped it onto an end table by the bed.
“Rainbow! I didn’t mean it like that!” Twilight shouted as Rainbow Dash spread her wings.
Rainbow Dash looked back with tears in her eyes. “Forget it Twilight, if I’m not as interesting as some book then why don’t you just go ahead and write it,” she said, her voice wavering. She then galloped out onto the balcony and took off.
“Wait Rainbow Dash! Wait!” she screamed at the retreating figure as she flew off into the distance. “Horse apples,” she mumbled under her breath before turning back to her bottle of beer which she then drained and threw to the floor. Feeling the buzz she broke into a gallop and ran out of the house and straight into the gleeful form of Pinkie Pie.
“Hey Twilight! Just the mare I was looking for! You see they’ve got a couple’s event at the nightclub so they won’t let me in without a second pony, we don’t have to actually be a couple or anything don’t worry about that, but if you follow me we can get in and then we can totally party! And I can show you how to relax, Pinkie Pie style!”
Before Twilight could resist she found herself being pushed along the path, in the end she just gave up and trotted alongside Pinkie, who bounced the whole way. They eventually reached it, a large black building made of tinted prismatic glass at odd angles. A huge neon sign clearly announced it as “The Eicosphere”. No music was audible outside due to the clever design of the building, and a liberal application of sound-proof glass. Pinkie dragged Twilight up to the head of the queue where a huge colt stood, easily the height of Princess Celestia but with none of her litheness.
“You two a couple?” he boomed.
“Of course, I wouldn’t go anywhere without my twilit star,” Pinkie said with enough passion that even Twilight was surprised.
The guard turned to Twilight who nodded frantically in reply.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Head right on in. The party don’t really start until DJ Pon3 gets here. Give an hour,” the guard said, pushing the door open with one hoof and motioning they enter with the other. As soon as the door opened, a heavy beat almost knocked Twilight off her feet with its ferocity. Pinkie couldn’t help but nod her head in time with the rhythm and hopped in. Twilight hesitated for a few seconds before bounding after her companion.
Twilight was almost blinded by the garish lights that pulsed throughout the inside. The glass walls and ceiling reflected the brilliant colours of the pulsating lights that flickered in time with the music. The DJ’s stall was empty at the moment along with the majority of the club. A few ponies lay in varying stages of drunkenness at different tables in small groups. Pinkie Pie hopped straight over to the bar and flashed her ticket with Celestia’s royal seal. The bartender, a fluorescent green pegasus, practically fell over himself to mix up the obscure drink that Pinkie Pie had just invented. Pinkie Pie motioned for Twilight to come to the bar so she did.
“Isn’t this relaxing?!” Pinkie shouted over the bass line pumping through the speakers.
“Not really! No!” Twilight confessed readily. Pinkie snorted with laughter and handed Twilight a drink that actually glowed blue. “What’s in this?!” Twilight asked the pink mare.
“Everything on the top shelf!” Pinkie Pie said with another burst of laughter before downing the drink in a single gulp. Her head suddenly span a complete three hundred and sixty degrees and she leapt into the air as her body suddenly bloated and shrank again three times in a row. “WOWZAH! That was fantastic!” she shouted with glee. “I am so getting another!” she then turned back to the barkeep who rushed to mix up another “Blue Pie” as Pinkie had named it.
Twilight looked down at the colourful concoction concernedly. There was no way she could drink this. She suddenly recalled how she had hurt Rainbow and decided that if she was going to confront her again, she’d need a little Dutch courage. With an anxious gulp she decided to drink the drink. She shot it like Pinkie had done; her mouth felt like it had literally exploded. At least nineteen different flavours were vying for the prime place position on the pony’s palate. One second she was scratching from whisky, the next reeling from tequila, and then grapefruit smashed her with sourness. By the time she had recovered she found Pinkie had already replaced the drink in her hoof. With a shrug she drained that glass too, the conflicting flavours were in exactly the right amount that none had true supremacy and every millisecond it was in the mouth, a new flavour seemed to force its way in. The third carried with it the taste of bananas, along with something she couldn’t identify, but it was good.
Looking up, the club was suddenly heaving, the jamming tunes beating their way into her brain and forcing her body to groove along with them. Pinkie Pie was nowhere to be seen but Twilight would bet every bit she had that she was at the centre of the rave that had formed. A white unicorn with an electric blue mane had taken over the DJ booth and was mixing together tracks so smoothly it sounded like one song. Twilight turned to the barkeep for another Blue Pie. The barkeep nodded knowingly and refilled her glass with the virulent blue liquid that bordered on caustic. Twilight was having a hard time focusing, the lights began to blur as the raving crowd grew. Grabbing her glass she meandered over to an empty table where she decided to await Pinkie Pie. Suddenly Rainbow Dash was opposite her, the chromatic blue mare had a huge smile on her face and a glass of some carefully layered black and gold cocktail.
“Heya Twilight! Fancy seeing you in a club! Pinkie Pie put you up to this didn’t she?!” Rainbow Dash shouted before bursting out with her signature laugh.
“Rainbow!” Twilight shouted as she tried to stop swaying. “I’m sorry about earlier! I… I do appreciate you as a friend,” Twilight said to the grinning mare.
“I know! Who couldn’t?!” Rainbow Dash said cockishly with a laugh. She suddenly turned serious, “I overreacted. I’m the one who should say I’m sorry.”
“You were just being Dashie,” Twilight said with a hiccup. “I think I may have tunk do much,” she babbled before taking another sip of her Blue Pie.
“It’s a Pinkie Pie Party! We’re all having a good time!” Rainbow Dash said, draining her drink.
Pinkie Pie suddenly hopped out of the centre of the rave with a huge bounce with her forelegs full of bottles. “Shot time!” she shouted gleefully.
“Don’t mind if I do!” Twilight shouted with a high pitched giggle before snatching a glass of bubbling green liquid and downing it in one.
"Oh yeah Twilight? See if you can handle this!" Rainbow Dashed laughed as she grabbed three shots and downed them in very quick succession.
"Impressive! My turn!" Pinkie yelled as she grabbed the remaining twelve glasses and drained them all. "I win!" she said loudly then hiccuped. Behind her Pon3 switched songs and Pinkie found her head nodding again. "Ooh! Ooh! This is my jam!" she said with another huge smile before hopping back into the rave.
"Whoa! She sure knows how to party," Rainbow Dash said with another laugh that was abruptly cut short.
“There you are Twilight! I have been worried sick about you!” a new voice suddenly announced. Twilight swung around to see a trio of white unicorns staring angrily at her.
“Uh-oh, its Regulation Rarity!” Twilight said before bursting out laughing and falling backwards off of her chair.
“Rainbow Dash?! For shame! Can’t you see how out of it Twilight is?!” Rarity demanded angrily.
“S’all cool!” Twilight said from her face-down position on the floor.
“No it is not. You two better come back right now!” Rarity demanded with a stomp from her hoof. “Where’s Pinkie Pie?” she added afterwards, eyes scanning the crowd for any sign of her.
“PARTAY!” Pinkie Pie suddenly shouted from behind her, a drink in three of her four hooves.
“Come on Pinkie, can’t you see this is getting too out of hand. I don’t think Twilight has ever been drunk before."
“Pshaw! She went to school!” Rainbow Dash said with a laugh as she snatched one of pinkie’s drinks and downed it.
“She went to an academy, look at her,” Rarity said angrily. The group all turned to the paralytic pony who seemed unable to stand up.
“Meh, take her back if you want but I just got my party on,” Rainbow said with a dismissive shrug.
“You are aware that this is a gay club right?” Rarity said just loud enough for Rainbow Dash to hear.
“What?!” Rainbow Dash dropped her drink and stood up. A lifetime of being accused of being a filly fancier had made her a little paranoid.
“Haven’t you noticed how the only colts here are the staff?” Rarity said with a sigh.
“Damn, I’m heading back. If I see anypony I know in here my life is over!” Rainbow said as she spread her wings and kicked off towards the door.
“I’m taking Twilight with me, come on Pinkie,” Rarity insisted irately.
“But Rarity,” Pinkie began to moan before an angry glare caused her to bite her tongue.
“I’m coming,” Pinkie said with a fake laugh as she hopped haphazardly after Rarity, who found herself dragging an unconscious unicorn home for the second time in one day.
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Twilight awoke bleary-eyed and partially deaf. He mouth was so dry she was afraid it would crack into pieces if she tried to open it. Her head was still beating from the previous night whilst her brain tried to piece together yesterday night. Twilight dragged herself to her hooves with a cry of pain.
“Oh my, are you okay Twilight?” a soft voice called from very far away, or so it seemed to Twilight. Fluttershy was stood right above her giving her a helping hoof up.
“My head,” Twilight managed to croak through her sandpapered throat.
“Oh, I have just the thing planned. I’m visiting the aromatherapist today and he’s bound to be able to suppress the pain. It starts in ten minutes and I was going to wait for Rarity but she’s still snoring from the after party they had last night,” Fluttershy said in the confident tone she only held around good friends.
Twilight was so glad it was Fluttershy, her soft voice managed to somehow soothe her ears rather than agitate her head. “That sounds like a plan,” Twilight said in what she thought was a friendly manner. To Fluttershy however, it sounded almost like the intimidating noises Rhinoceroses make during breeding season.
“Well let’s go then, nothing is more relaxing than a skilled aromatherapist,” Fluttershy said before trotting out of the room. Twilight followed her downstairs and out the front door. Twilight had to stop at the first fountain they came to however to drown her throat in beautiful cooling water. Twilight drank like a camel, greedily lapping up the refreshing water. Fluttershy gave an awkward smile to passersby to reassure them her friend was okay. When Twilight was finally finished the pair pushed onwards towards a small building in the distance.
When they arrived Fluttershy knocked on the door. A blue unicorn colt opened the door and smiled warmly at the yellow pegasus. “Fluttershy! A pleasure to see you again, yesterday was such a delight. Who’s your friend,” the colt said warmly.
“This is Twilight Sparkle, she had a bit too much of the discordant drink last night,” Fluttershy replied equally friendlily.
“Oh my, she certainly looks like she has. Well come on in, I think I’ve got just the scents for the occasion,” the colt said as he turned and vanished inside leaving the door open behind him. Fluttershy entered with Twilight before shutting the door behind her. “Take a seat girls, I’ll be right with you,” the unicorn called out from another room. The sound of various cupboards opening and closing and bottles rattling came from the room too. The two mares took a seat in the room just as the unicorn returned with a variety of scents. “Okay, I’ve gathered the basic scents here unless you want something extravagant?” the unicorn suggested.
“Basic will be fine,” Fluttershy replied with a smile.
“Very good, I’ve got Bergamot, Lavender, Jasmine, Chamomile, Rose and Vanilla. I’ve also got a few more exotic ones if you’re up for them: Ylang Ylang, Clary Sage, Sandalwood and Neroli,” the unicorn said with a smile.
“Oh, Chamomile and Clary Sage would be perfect for Twilight. An anti-pain and relaxant mix,” Fluttershy said, a huge grin mirroring the unicorns.
“Exactly what I was thinking but a little Neroli would give a kick that’s sure to send the hangover running,” the colt said with a laugh. Fluttershy joined in, her soft laughter reminiscent of rain on a pane of glass.
Twilight smiled awkwardly as the unicorn mixed up the oils into several candles which he placed around the pair of ponies and lit. The calming effects were almost instantaneous. Twilight felt herself sinking into that state of half awake, half asleep again. She was vaguely aware of Fluttershy and the unicorn talking about something. The scents were relaxing her muscles and easing the throbbing in her head. Then a sudden scent like bitter oranges burst through and seemed to scrub her head clean. She jolted around a bit before the edge eased off, her head felt clear, her pain subsided, her body relaxed. With her mind no longer preoccupied with pain she began to dwell on the previous events of the past day. She had tried everything her friends had recommended yet she still couldn’t stop thinking about her story.
A sudden knock at the door woke her up as she sat upright. The blue colt opened the door to a grey pegasus that Twilight instantly recognised. It was Drama Doo, the author of Twilight’s favourite book series. The pegasus walked in and took a seat next to Twilight whose heart began to pump fiercely at being so close to one of her idols.
“The usual please, Thurify Cense,” she said calmly to the scent specialist who walked off into his back room. “What have you got there?” she asked Twilight.
Twilight’s mouth went dry as she tried to babble out, “Chamomile, Clary Sage and Neroli.” She managed an incoherent mumble which Drama just nodded along with. “I’m your biggest fan!” she eventually managed to squeak.
“Another fan eh? Daring Doo I expect. God that book series is such a chore to write,” she began to rant.
“Really?!” Twilight asked surprisedly. They were an absolute joy to read so Twilight had always assumed writing would have been the same.
“It’s worth it in the end to see the stories become so loved by everypony but without my regular spa breaks, I would never get them finished. I used to spend every day mulling over details so absorbed I didn’t notice the rest of my life was suffering. Hard to believe, eh?” she said to Twilight.
Twilight stifled a laugh as she nodded along knowingly.
“Yeah, now I just partition my mind. Sure I every so often think about writing when I’m with my family or friends but suppressing it keeps me sane,” the pegasus said with a laugh of her own. “Tell you what, a word of advice for if you ever take up writing: Never, ever, write anything when you should be doing something else. It’s not worth losing friends over,” the pegasus said knowingly.
“Here we are Miss Doo, a mixture of eucalyptus and pumpkin, just like usual,” Thurify said as he trotted back in with a set of candles which he placed around her and lit.
“Thanks Thurify, see you on the other side,” she said with a friendly laugh as she lay back and enjoyed the wafting scents.
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Twilight and Fluttershy returned to the manor extra refreshed and Twilight with a new outlook on her writings. The other ponies and Spike were sat around preparing to order breakfast. A beige pegasus mare was stood impatiently by the door. She nodded at the two ponies as they walked in and approached the table in the dining room.
“Just in time you two, we’re about to order in some nourishment. The cooks here can make practically any dish, they are true maestros of cuisine,” Rarity said with a flourish.
“I’m thinking pancakes!” Rainbow Dash shouted enthusiastically.
“Ooh! Ooh! Quesadillas! No wait! Chimichangas!” Pinkie Pie said bouncing in the air.
“I wouldn’t mind some croissants,” Fluttershy said gently.
“Nothing for me,” Spike groaned, his belly was considerably more rotund than usual. “I think I had too many rubies,” he said then burped loudly.
“I’m thinking something Neighsian, an egg foo yung,” Rarity added.
“Good ol’ fashioned eggy bread’ll suit me,” Applejack said after some deliberation.
“I think I’ll have some tomato soup with toast,” Twilight finished.
“Very good, if you’ll just wait here, the cooks will be right on it,” the pegasus said before trotting out of the house.
“Hey you guys, you’ll never guess who I met in the aromatherapist’s,” Twilight said now that they had dealt with that matter of business.
“Ooh! I love guessing games! Was it Vinyl Scratch? Octavia? Lemon Hearts? Cloud Kicker? Leroy Wingkins?” Pinkie began to blurt out random names.
“It was Drama Doo!” Twilight continued unabashed.
“No way! Did you get her autograph?!” Rainbow Dash screamed excitedly.
“No, I don’t have a quill and parchment, remember?” Twilight replied snarkily.
“Oh yeah,” Rainbow Dash said with a sigh.
“But she did give me something more valuable, advice. She told me what you guys have been telling me this whole time. A book is not worth as much to me as your friendship. I love you guys and I promise for the rest of this holiday you have my undivided attention,” Twilight said with a big smile.
All the ponies shared a meaningful hug whilst Spike tried his best not to throw up. Twilight gave Rainbow Dash a smile and Rainbow Dash eagerly returned it.
Spike pulled out a pamphlet and opened it up on the table. "So, what do you want to do next then Twilight?" he asked.