Nighttime Relationship Counseling
NIGHTTIME RELATIONSHIP COUNSELING
“So I guess we should have sex now.”
Honeydew looked up from the couch where he had been reading the newspaper and over to his wife Blossom, sliding his reading glasses up his face to buy himself another second before he’d have to respond to the phrase he’d been dreading all night. “I suppose. I mean, it is Tuesday.”
“Yeah,” said Blossom. She shifted her weight back and forth uncomfortably. Her hoof rubbed a rough patch of her creamy white coat and ran through her bright pink mane, incessantly moving around in the way it always did when Blossom was letting her nerves get the better of her. “If you’re too tired or anything, though...”
“No, lets just go ahead and get this over with.” Honeydew sighed and got up from the couch, pausing to brush away a few of the green hairs that had transferred from his coat onto the cushions’ surface.
“I could put something on. What about that little red harness from last month? We could give that another shot. Whatever you want,” said Blossom, with a sad little smile. They both knew what was coming, or most precisely what wasn’t, and neither of them were looking forth to the weekly reminder of their inadequacies. When Honeydew didn’t say anything in response, her smile fell away. “I’ll be waiting upstairs,” she said, and she walked away.
Honeydew watched her leave and studied the sway of her hips, trying to force the slightest spark of desire into his mind. He failed. He wondered, not for the first time, just what was wrong with them. What was missing between them that seemed to happen so naturally for other ponies?
It certainly wasn’t that he didn’t love her. Nothing could be further from the truth. He had loved her madly since, if his memory served, the third month after they had started dating one another as sophomores in high school. Neither of them had ever dated before. Honeydew had always considered himself absurdly lucky to have gotten it right on his first try, and he couldn’t imagine sharing his life with anypony else in the world.
The trouble didn’t start until their wedding night. Both had saved themselves, physically, for the moment they could consummate their relationship as husband and wife. After a half an hour of awkward fumbling around underneath the blankets, they had both laughed their lack of success off as a consequence of inexperience and exhaustion from their ceremony and reception. But those laughs died away when they tried again a few nights later with the same result, and vanished entirely when neither of them had managed to bring the other to climax within the first three months. In the five years they’d been together since, they’d only managed it a hoofful of times.
Physical problems were the obvious first thing to investigate, but those had quickly been ruled out by the physician who had examined each of them in turn and declared them to be perfectly healthy. It wasn’t as if they couldn’t climax, either. Masturbation worked just fine, and in fact both of them had gotten quite good at it without any other avenue for release. But whatever they tried on one another’s bodies, the results were inevitably disappointing. It was a mortifying truth that they both avoided putting into words at all costs, even to one another. The propped up the facade of being the perfect couple for the world to see, and it was even the truth everywhere besides their bedroom.
Honeydew sighed again, and settled onto the couch laid out on his back. Might as well stop putting it off. He reached down and began to gently rub and prod, closing his eyes and picturing Blossom as he did. By any objective measure she was a very attractive pony. A long, lithe body. Nice full hips. Surprisingly dexterous when he half heartedly suggested some new position in the hopes that maybe this time that would turn out to be the key. Intellectually, he knew she was pretty. ‘Objectively pretty’ wasn’t going to make his dick hard, though, not without something more primal.
Something more primal. He knew what to think about for that. As they so often did, his thoughts drifted to another mare. This time it was the flirty little pink pegasus who he saw every day when she brought the mail to the shop he worked in during the day. The one who knew just how to wink and drop her voice when she asked him to ‘sign for a package’ that made his mind run off in all kinds of unfaithful directions. Rosebud, that was her name. She could teach a master class on how to tempt a stallion while maintaining plausible deniability. He even had a fresh memory of her to work with. The other day she had dropped a quill, accidently or not, and it had drifted under some nearby shelves. Rosebud had leaned all the way over to retrieve it, with her tight little rump poking up in the air with everything on display for anypony who looked. Honeydew had looked, and it wasn’t until fifteen minutes after she’d left the shop that he could get up from behind the counter without putting his own arousal on full display as well.
He would never cheat on Blossom, or at least he liked to think so. As long as it was just in his head, though, it didn’t feel like it was quite as wrong. Besides, he needed it.
He rubbed harder as the memories worked, letting a little groan slip out as he did so. It wasn’t long before his stallionhood stood fully erect, and Honeydew got up and ambled up the stairs after his wife.
He found her splayed out on their bed, legs spread wide and expectant. She’d posed herself to make it clear she was ready, but when Honeydew walked in she cast her eyes downward and wouldn’t look up at his face.
“Do you want to do any foreplay, or-” offered Honeydew.
“Just do whatever you want. I have to be up early tomorrow.”
Honeydew wandered over to the bedside table and pulled a tube of lubricant from a drawer. He squirted a dollop of it out and reached down to first apply it himself before returning to the foot of the bed. Blossom wordlessly lifted her tail and rose onto her rear knees, keeping her chest flat against the mattress. Honeydew caressed her thighs leaving a trail of lubrication that would hopefully compensate for the mare’s complete lack of arousal. He slid his hoof around her nether lips and pushed inside her to spread the wetness around further. Blossom was silent through the entire process.
Honeydew climbed on top of her and wrapped his forelegs around her from behind. “Well, here we go,” he said. When Blossom didn’t object he shifted his weight forward and slid himself inside her passage. He pressed on slowly, afraid of chafing or hurting her despite the liberal use of lubricant. He pulled back again and repeated the process with a little more force. “How’s that?” he asked.
“Fine,” said Blossom, her voice muffled by the pillow her face was pushing into.
Soon Honeydew had a steady, if monotonous, rhythm going. He craned his head back and looked up. The white paint on the ceiling was peeling in a few places, and he made a mental note to repaint it over the weekend. No, wait, he was going to a convention in Trottingham next weekend. The weekend after, then. After a few minutes, Honeydew could feel that he was beginning to go limp inside of Blossom. Determined to press on, he closed his eyes and imagined that it wasn’t Blossom he was with, but Rosebud instead. He knew what she could make him feel with just a bat of her lashes. Guilt and embarrassment at his fantasy intruded into his mind, and he was just about to chide himself when Blossom shifted and moaned underneath him. That was a bigger reaction than he’d managed to get from her in the last month. She was even reciprocating his thrusts a little, and tiny slaps of flesh against flesh began to ring out in the usually quiet bedroom.
Well, if this was what it took to satisfy her, then so be it. Banishing his doubts, he threw himself deeper into the fantasy. He pictured himself throwing Rosebud down onto the counter of the shop and taking her right there, just like he was doing with his wife right now. He wondered how it sounded when she cried out for harder, harder, harder. The long-dormant muscles caressing him as he thrust reawoke, beginning to knead and squeeze him, desperate for more.
“Oh yes, oh yes, oh Honeydew,” groaned Blossom.
“Oh, Rosebud,” he replied.
“...What did you just call me?”
His fantasy collapsed in an instant, replaced by a yawning void of dread as he realized what he’d just said out loud.
“Did you just say ‘Rosebud,’ Honeydew?” asked Blossom. Pain and anger were creeping into her voice.
Honeydew’s mind raced for a good excuse “Uh, would you believe that I was talking about a sled?” That wasn’t it.
“Were you thinking about another mare just now?” Blossom crawled out from under Honeydew. His stallionhood twitched as it was abruptly taken away from her warmth and left dangling and exposed to the cooler air of the bedroom. She glared up at him with accusation in her eyes.
“I’m sorry Blossom, I-”
“Get out. Get out of my house,” she said. Honeydew felt his hopes of salvaging the situation fading away.
“Blossom, I didn’t mean to-”
“I said get out of my house right now!” she shrieked. Then she slapped him across the face and burst out sobbing.
Honeydew stared at her for a moment as his mind tallied and catalogue all of the many, many different ways he had just hurt the pony he loved. Maybe there would be a chance to beg for her forgiveness, even to save his marriage, but it wouldn’t come tonight. Tonight there would only be pain for her, and there was nothing he could do about it. Only ways he could make it worse. Wordlessly, he left the bedroom and continued out onto the street, closing his front door behind him.
It was the middle of the night, and nopony else was out on the streets. Ponyville was such a quiet, lonely place at night. Finding himself with nowhere to go, he wandered aimlessly until he reached the middle of Ponyville Park. He slumped down in the field and draped a foreleg over his eyes.
“The stars are lovely tonight, aren’t they?” Honeydew sat up with a start. Seated next to him, her starry mane billowing as she stared up into the heavens, was Princess Luna. She turned her head to look at him. “Do you agree that my stars are lovely tonight, or must I go fishing for compliments elsewhere?”
“Oh, yes, of course they are Princess! I was just shocked to see you.” In truth Honeydew hadn’t even noticed the stars, he’d had other things on his mind. However, it didn’t seem wise to go about needlessly upsetting mares any more than he already had.
“It is rare for me to chance upon ponies who are out at this hour,” said Luna. Then her serene expression morphed into a grin. “Although I suppose you aren’t out here by choice, after what happened between you and Blossom.”
Honeydew’s ears drooped. “You know about that?”
“There are very few things that happen during the night that I am unaware of,” explained Luna. “In fact, I have been aware of you two for some time now. While tonight was bad, it was merely the symptom of a larger problem, wouldn’t you say?”
Blushing, Honeydew looked away. He had always avoided talking about this with anypony else, and he wasn’t sure how to do so now that he was being forced to. “We aren’t very good at the... physical side of things.”
“An understatement of stupendous proportions,” said Luna. “You are both awful at it, is the full truth of the matter. Yet the love between you is strong and true. Quite vexing, isn’t it? Frustrating as well, I’d imagine.”
“Yes!” cried out Honeydew, the reverent tone he’d been trying to keep up forgotten. “I love her so much, and I keep trying everything I can and reading books about how to please mares but I just fail her every time! I even got desperate enough to read Cosmare, and some of the things they suggest doing with cayenne and motor oil don’t even sound like they should be legal!”
“Then it sounds like you are in need of aid. I will help you this night. I promise you that by the dawning of the sun you and your wife will not only have reconciled, you will see one another in an entirely new way.”
It was certainly a tempting offer, although Honeydew had some doubts that he kept private. Even with the power of a Princess, he couldn’t see Blossom so much as speaking to him before dawn, much less resolving whatever it was that had been wrong between them for so long. “How are you going to do that, Princess?”
“By rutting you until you cannot see straight.”
“WHAT?! Are you insane?” shouted Honeydew, momentarily forgetting just who he was speaking to. “I’m not going to cheat on Blossom! That would make everything so much worse than it already is.”
“Technically, it is not cheating when it’s with a Princess,” said Luna. When Honeydew just stared at her without answering she continued. “Really. Look it up. We incorporated language to that effect into Equestria’s laws some eighteen hundred years ago. One of our wiser decisions, I think.”
“I still don’t think I can do that with you.”
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained. It may sound odd, but you have my word that this will work should you accept. You don’t doubt your Princess, do you?”
He cast a long glance up and down her body. She was incredibly beautiful, no doubt about that. Most stallions would probably give anything to be in exactly this situation, and more than a few mares too. And although he couldn’t figure out how whatever she was planning would repair his broken home, she appeared entirely confident in her ability to do so. “Okay. I’ll do it.”
“Excellent!” she declared, flicking a wisp of mane out of her face with a toss of her head. “Begin.”
“Huh?” asked Honeydew as he looked at the Princess just passively sitting there in the grass.
“Start. Commence. You and me, sex. Go.”
“I don’t understand, Princess.” In his admittedly limited experience, Honeydew couldn’t recall ever being propositioned in quite this fashion.
“Surely the mechanics are familiar to you,” said Luna with an eyebrow arched. “I cannot fix a problem before I diagnose what it is. Whatever you feel sex to be, do it to me.”
“Well, alright.” Hesitating just a second longer, Honeydew got up, walked over to Luna, and planted a kiss on her mouth. He poked and prodded at her lips with his tongue trying to provoke a reaction from her, but she remained still. He glanced up hoping to catch a hint of what she expected, but she passively looked down on him with neither approval or disapproval in her eyes. Breaking the kiss he glanced past her and realized there was another obstacle. “Um... Princess?”
“Yes?” she replied.
“Could you maybe stand up?”
“Certainly,” said Luna. Her voice was obliging enough and she rose to her hooves, but Honeydew thought he caught a hint of disappointment flash across her face. Honeydew went around to her rear and was confronted with yet another problem. The Princess, standing at her full height, was much taller than he was. With her tail up, Honeydew could see the dark treasure that was his target, right at eye level. Maybe if he sort of jumped up and hung there he could thrust away at it, and the idea made Honeydew realize he wasn’t erect at all. He could try using his tongue, warm them both up until another idea presented itself, but she hadn’t responded to kissing, and seemed to want him to skip straight ahead to the main event. Or he could ask her to kneel, but he’d just told her to stand and that seemed to displease her. Or-
“Have you started yet? I’m not feeling anything,” said Luna, still staring ahead so Honeydew couldn’t see her expression.
“I’m sorry Princess, I don’t know what kind of things you like.”
“That is true, you don’t. So how will you remedy that?”
“Well, there are a few positions from the Kamare Sutra I remember, although I know some ponies like more foreplay before they start and I don’t want to do anything wrong or that hurts you. But maybe you’re more experimental and I should just make something up.”
“That all sounds rather complicated. May I suggest something different?”
“Yes! Please do!”
“Why don’t you ask me what I want?” The field grew still and quiet while Luna’s question sunk into Honeydew’s mind. “You’ve gone looking for the answer to your question in so many places, Honeydew. I bet you’ve found a great deal of information, some of it contradictory. Every mare is different, after all. There’s only one source that can reliably tell you how to please one. Herself. How often do the two of you talk about sex?”
“It really isn’t a topic we bring up very often.”
“I understand. It must feel shameful to be unable to give one another what you want. But without confronting that you cannot move past it. Would it surprise you to learn that Blossom is very kinky pony?”
“My Blossom? She’s always gone along with what I suggest, but she’s never asked to try anything new.”
“I have visited her in dreams before. You have no idea how much you’re missing out on.” By this time Luna had sat down beside Honeydew once again and draped a wing over him as he processed what she had told him.
“Thank you, Princess. I’ll talk to her when I get home and ask her to open up to me a little about it. I guess we could both stand to be more honest with each other,” he said. Then he laughed. “I can’t believe I thought you really meant it when you said we should have sex with one another.”
Luna smiled and removed her wing from his back. Her horn glowed and the magic seeped into the earth below. A moment passed, then without warning four vines shot out of the ground, wrapping themselves around each of his legs and pulling him to the ground, spread eagle on his back.
“I did mean it, actually.”
Honeydew tried to yank and flail against the bonds, but the vines only pulled tighter. Soon he couldn’t do anything more than shift his head and chest ever so slightly.
“This is one of Blossom’s fantasies. One of the tamer ones, actually. Just a little preview of what you’re missing out on by not asking the right questions.” Luna lowered herself on top of him, kneeling with her forelegs clasping his flanks and her head on his chest. She tucked her chin down and took a quick sniff of his coat through her nose. Honeydew felt the hairs gently pull at his skin in the currents of air. Then, snapping her eyes upward first to make sure he was watching, she began to plant little kisses all over his chest.
Honeydew groaned as each kiss sent tingles dancing through his body. His arousal was quickly swelling, and as Luna felt it pressing into her she brought a hoof around to caress and squeeze it just a bit. She lifted her head and leaned towards Honeydew’s face, lips ever-so-slightly parted. Honeydew craned his own head to meet her, but she stopped and the vines held him where she was just a tiny, tantalizing bit too far for him to reach.
“Say please, Honeydew,” said Luna with a taunting grin.
“Please!”
Luna darted her head the rest of the way forward, overwhelming Honeydew and forcing his head back as she took him in a deep kiss, her tongue eagerly slurping at his own. When she broke away from it she continued up until she could whisper into his ear. “Would you like Blossom to make you feel like this every night?”
“Yes,” he squeaked, gasping as Luna increased the speed and pressure she was putting on him with her hoof. “I can’t believe she never told me she wanted this. It feels fantastic!”
“Then you must make her feel safe and loved, and encourage her to explore such things. She has been ashamed of her failures to please you, just you have been of your failure to please her. She thinks she is a dirty and broken pony. You will need to teach her that you believe that part of her to be a beautiful and wonderful thing.”
“I want to, but I don’t know how,” said Honeydew.
“It is simpler than it sounds. Just tell her how what she is doing makes you feel, and keep an open mind. Why don’t we practice? Pretend I’m Blossom, and call me by her name. We’ve already established that you can call ponies you’re with by names other than their own, at least this way it will be intentional.”
Luna pushed herself up again, and without the weight of her chest his cock was free to spring upward, rigid and ready for what Luna was about to do. She brought her rear legs forward, rubbing a knee against Honeydew’s helpless thighs, and let his tip brush up and down along the length of her slit. Honeydew threw his head back in the grass and arched his back, panting as Luna teased with the promise of letting him plunge into her waiting folds. “Luna, please. I need to-”
“Call me Blossom, Honeydew. Tell me exactly what you want me to do and how it feels.”
Honeydew gritted his teeth at the demand. He could feel himself getting so close. “...Blossom, please. Stop teasing me and let me put my penis in-”
“So clinical! You can do better. Perhaps if I present a little more inspiration.” Luna turned her head to the side and cleared her throat with several loud *ahem* sounds before looking back down at the quivering Honeydew. “Ooh, Honeydew,” said Blossom’s voice from Luna’s mouth. “Do you want me to do it?”
“Yes! Blossom, please!” screamed Honeydew, at the very edge of control. “Fuck me, Blossom! I need it! I need it hard! Fuck me hard!”
Luna slammed her hips downward, taking him into her all at once. Honeydew discovered that though she hadn’t looked it from the outside she was tight and sopping wet. Luna began to grind herself into him and put her forelegs on his chest, then began to ride him with total abandon. Already close, Honeydew passed the point of no return. He squeezed his eyes and let his screams join Blossom’s, together in the throes of passion. Just when he thought the intensity couldn't grow any greater, he felt Blossom’s passage ripple and tighten as she came an instant before he did. He rocked back and forth, tugging at the hoofcuffs that held him to the bedframe as he came. He felt the mare on top of him writhing in pleasure as she eagerly took everything he had to give her, kicking pillows and blankets to the floor.
“BLOSSOM! YES! OH, BLOSSOM!”
“HONEYDEW! FUCK, YES, YES, YES, OH HONEYDEW!”
Honeydew opened his eyes and looked up at the mare. “...Blossom?”
Blossom, outlined against the ceiling of their bedroom by the first rays of the morning sun, stared down at him. Soaked in sweat and blinking her glazed eyes, she looked just as confused as he felt. “...Honeydew? What just happened?”
“I thought you would know. I went over to the park and closed my eyes...”
“After you left, I fell asleep and I had the most intense dream! I was... and there were...” she looked at the fuzzy hoofcuffs attached to the four posts of the bed, and the afterglow fell away as she turned beet red. “Oh Honeydew, I must have been doing it for real! I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to put you through such weird things.”
“Blossom, listen to me. You don’t have to be sorry. That was amazing. You’re amazing,” said Honeydew. He tried to raise a hoof to touch her cheek, but the hoofcuff caught it and he had to set it back down on the mattress.
“But you never said that you wanted to try anything like this, and I didn’t even really ask. I didn’t want you to think I was strange for the... fantasies I have sometimes. I guess now you know.”
“Hey, if that’s what strange feels like, I’m up for a lot more strange. Do you have any other fantasies you’ve never told me about?”
She gaped down at him for a moment before looking away. “It’s too embarrassing. You wouldn’t want to try them anyway.”
“I might! And even if we don’t I still want to hear about them. If they’re important to you, then they’re important to me too. But we can talk about that later.” He grinned up at her. “Why don’t we find out if what we just did feels just as good when we’re awake as when we dreamed about it?”
It wasn’t just as good the second time around. It was so much better.