The only sound in Canterlot castle was the soft pitter-patter of hooves. Through the empty hallways and rooms a shadow moved furtively, nearly silent as it passed through in nary a whisper. So secretive was it that one could not tell what exactly it wanted.
No guard had caught sight of it, nor did any servant. Where it creeped one did not spot, for the lurker did not want to be seen. Hidden was its drive, secret was its mission.
Finally, after navigating hall after needlessly long hall, it arrived at a door. Slinking to the corner to be enveloped by the shadows better, it reached out with a hesitant hoof and opened the door. With hardly a glance down the hall to make sure none followed, it dived through the open doorway, the door closing with a soft click behind it.
The room was in complete darkness. Then with a blinding white flash the lights were turned on, the silent intruder having to blink their eyes for a few moments to clear them of the light’s glare. After a few seconds of wait for their eyes to adjust, the sneaker of the night finally had an opportunity to gaze around the room.
It was all white, the only speck of color being the gleam of chrome from a few kitchen appliances and utensils. The floor and countertops were all scrubbed clean , while the kitchen tools were organized for the next day’s duties.
Without hesitation the intruder raced silently to the refrigerator doors, its hoof hesitant as it rested on the handle, an air of excitement surrounding the mysterious figure. After a few moments of deep breath to control their eager nerves, it opened the door, cool steam wafting out as the chilly interior was revealed.
There, resting all alone with the refrigerator bulb illuminating it in a splendid light, was a piece of cake on a plate. So alone, yet so delicious in its glory. Chocolate with pink and white frosting atop it with an added wave design on the sides. A single cherry rested on top to complete the look.
“Celestia?” the cake spoke, stoic in its expression as it gazed at the one who opened the door. “What are you doing here?”
“I couldn’t keep away,” the princess said, the white alicorn gazing down at the dessert with a pleading look. “All I could think was you, my love.”
The cake sighed, holding still under her troubled gaze. “Celestia... you know we can’t go on like this. It just... it just won’t work.”
“We can make it work!” she tried to assure him, grabbing hold of his plate and bringing his sweetness closer to her lips. “Please, I’m sure we can!”
“How?” he asked, not bothering to look at her. “How could we ever make our love work?”
“Love always works in the end,” she told him, smiling lovingly as she leaned in closer. “I just know it does.”
The piece of cake remained silent for a few seconds longer, its face hard to read. Then a chuckle started to bubble through. “You have much hope in us, Celestia. More than me. Guess that’s what drew me to you in the first place.”
Celestia smiled in relief, not ruining the moment with words. Instead she laid down on the cold kitchen floor, the presence of her beloved treat keeping her company. Her eyes closed in bliss as her lips slowly brushed along the cake’s surface, a few crumbs and wisps of icing collecting there. With an eager tongue she licked her lips, enthralled by the taste of her love.
“My love...” the cake began, hesitant with her approach. “What I am worried about is what others would think of our love.”
“They don’t have to think anything of it,” she assured him, lifting him closer so she can stare him in the eyes. “I am the princess. My word is law. They’ll just have to live with it.”
“And so will we.” The cake seemed to slump slightly, his icing no longer looking as frosty as before. “I am merely a lowly dessert. Not baked by the best of the best. Not made by the rarest ingredients available. Just a simple cake that has no right to be graced by your tastebuds.”
“Hush you,” Celestia commanded, holding a hoof to his mouth. “You are much more than a lowly dessert. Your texture is exquisite. The icing that graces your top is of the most delectable sweetness I have ever tasted. Your creamy filling leaves me licking my lips for ages. Even your cherry, that one, single cherry, makes you more beautiful than you can imagine.”
A single strand of drool fell from Celestia mouth as she leaned in closer, her tongue just barely resting over the surface over the pastry. “Now take me, my sweet.”
“Yes, my dear Tia,” the cake whispered, his urge for her as great as her for him.
No words were spoken. None needed to be said. It was only a mare and a piece of cake. Chocolate, I might add. They were lost in one another’s embrace. Lips smacking together could be heard, along with the occasional moan in pleasure. It was passionate lovemaking, and for that one moment, no one could judge their love. Except for a video camera hanging in the corner of the kitchen.
Princess Luna trotted down the halls of the castle, checking in every open doorway she could see. All night she had been trying to reach her sister, but Celestia could not be found in her room, or anywhere else in the castle. A few more minutes and Luna feared she would have to call the guards to start for the missing princess.
Suddenly her ears caught the sound of crunching. Growing more curious by the second, Luna peeked in the open door where the noise was coming from. There, leaning back in a comfortable looking couch, was Discord. The reformed spirit of Chaos and Disharmony was currently munching on some popcorn, staring lazily at a large plasma screen television that took up the entire wall of the room.
Luna’s eyes opened farther in wonder as she gazed intently on the screen, shocked at what she was seeing depicted. “Is that... Tia making love to a piece of cake?”
“Eeyup,” Discord answered in a country accent he had suddenly picked up, returning to his usual voice with another bite of popcorn. “Chocolate this time.”
Luna’s face twisted into a squeamish look as the events on screen started to become more... physical. And with the volume for the television up high, the sounds of pleasure soon grew to a crescendo.
Looking over at Discord with an arch of her eyebrow, she asked, “So, this is how you spend your Saturday evenings?”
“Every week,” he answered, snapping his fingers and causing a soda to appear next to him. Sipping at it, he turned to her and shook the popcorn bag. “Popcorn?”
Glancing back at the screen, then at Discord, then back to the screen and once more at Discord, she shrugged her shoulders. “Eh, sure, why not?”
She made her way and sat down, Discord scooting over to make room for her. Then the two spent the next several minutes staring at the screen, sharing a popcorn bag between them. Overall, a pretty nice way to spend a Saturday night.
The chef yawned, smacking his lips lazily as he opened the kitchen doors. He needed to make breakfast for the princesses, and then prepare for another royal party in the afternoon. He had a busy day ahead of him, so he set about getting his kitchen ready for the rest of his staff to arrive.
Going over to the refrigerator to grab some eggs for an omelet, his face quickly transformed into a grimace as he stared at the floor before the refrigerator doors.
“Oh, come on!” he yelled in disbelief, once more finding a mess in his oce spotless kitchen. “Every Sunday morning someone makes a mess with a cake all over the floor. Every time! Don’t ponies have any decency?”
Scowling at the mess he had to clean once more, he noticed that he accidentally stepped in some of the it. “And what the hell is this sticky liquid everywhere?”
Chapter 2: Twilight Has A Sexual Experience With A Twinkie
Oh dear Celestia, I can’t believe I’m doing this, Twilight murmured, her mane in a frizzle. The newly-appointed alicorn princess was certainly freaking out in an appropriate fashion.
If anypony catches me, I’ll be in so much trouble, Twilight reminded herself, taking a deep breath to calm her nerves. This was her one and only opportunity to complete what she set out to do this night.
Being atop the castle roofs wasn’t exactly legal, mostly because of the fact she was currently spying on the royal kitchen through a skylight. Glancing back through the window she was overlooking, she had a clear view of a kitchen where most of the staff were steadily emptying out. In only a few minutes time, it would be abandoned. The perfect time for her to enter.
Once she was sure there wasn’t anyone left inside, she carefully unlatched the window from the other side using her magic. Lifting the glass up to squeeze her body through, she dropped down. She slowed her descent with the sudden unfurling of her wings, landing with hardly a sound.
Sighing in relief, she ducked behind a counter. Peeking around its corner, her eyes inspected the tidy kitchen. Fridge at the back, ovens near the corner, a counter for slicing and dicing vegetables on the side. None of those mattered for what she was looking for.
There. Near the ceiling. A cabinet. And inside that far-off cabinet was her prize. Her rare, golden prize. Why they hid such a treasure in such an unguarded kitchen, she’d never know, but at least that made her job easier for snatching it.
While her morals against stealing were strong, her hunger and desperation were much greater, which is why she hid her nefarious activities from all prying eyes. Neither the princesses nor her friends knew of her dastardly acts, and she intended to keep it that way.
Slinking away in the shadows that the kitchen counters provided, she steadily inched her way closer to the cabinet. While teleporting there would’ve saved her time, where was the fun in that? Just because she had magic didn’t mean she should use it all the time.
Squinting her eyes as she rapidly approached her target, she rolled across the floor in a very spy-like manner, and promptly slammed her head against the oven upon completion of her roll.
Grumbling and holding her bruised noggin in pain, she glared at her surroundings to make sure no one heard that. Wincing slightly at the sharp spike of pain from the bump on her head, she picked herself up and stared up at the cabinet’s doors.
Here is where she could be lazy and go down the magical route. With a glow of her horn the doors opened up. Levitating a carton down from its contents, Twilight licked her lips as she set her prize down before her.
With eager hooves she tore open the carton, a golden light illuminating the room as her eyes sparkled in amazement at the treasure before her. Ever so gently, she reached inside and pulled out one of the golden delights.
With one rapid move she ripped off the plastic wrapping, holding the delicacy in her hoof like it was a newborn foal.
“Twilight, is that really you?” the Twinkie asked, surprised to see the alicorn. The Twinkie was truly a sight for sore eyes. His coat glistened with his sugary sweetness, the yellow pastry hiding an even sweeter treat inside itself. A treat Twilight wanted to lap at all day.
“Yes. I just couldn’t be without you for a moment longer,” Twilight said to the pastry, running a hoof down his deliciously squishy side. “Every night I dream of once more being in your embrace.”
“Me too, my love. Me too,” he whispered, staring into her eyes with a loveful intent. “Are you sure we can continue doing these nightly visits. Surely someone will find out...”
“No one will, I can assure you that,” Twilight told him, calming his icing-filled nerves. She brought him up closer to her lips, her tongue resting just on the tip of his yellow baked goods. “Now, why don’t I show you that good I promised you?”
“Anything for you, my princess,” the Twinkie spoke gallantly, causing Twilight to giggle in delight.
Not wanting to waste another moment when they could be lovemaking, Twilight started off with gentle kisses on his head. The Twinkie shuddered against her touch, Twilight’s lips gentle like a summer’s breeze as she scooped up his crumbs.
“Oh... y-yeah. You c-certainly are... ah... eager tonight,” the Twinkie whispered, his velvety smooth outside quickly being covered in Twilight’s saliva.
The only response Twilight could give was a muffled ‘mmph’ as she took more of him in her mouth. His sticky coating soon made her tongue ecstatic to lick up every inch of him. Her tongue was like a snake in this regard, brushing and squeezing him in rapid movements.
The Twinkie tried vainly to hold back a moan, his entire body shuddering from Twilight’s skilled tongue lashing. She was relentless, her inhibitions all but forgotten as she went right down to business.
“O-oh dear... a-ah!” the Twinkie muttered, feeling some of his sticky goo begin to build up in a large amount. Twilight’s lips were squeezing around his length, intent to make him blow with pent up tension. “T-Twilight, I–oh... can’t hold on m-much longer!”
Twilight took this as her cue to quicken her pace, her hooves holding one of his ends as her head bobbed up and down on his length, taking it all in her mouth. She could feel him tremble on her tongue, only making her want his payoff all the more.
Finally, with a large groan of relief, he released. Twilight’s eyes rolled to the back of her head as a glazed expression overcame her face. The beautiful and overwhelming taste of her love’s sticky white seed filling her mouth made her ecstatic with pleasure.
After a few more tongue licks he was empty, Twilight having sucked away all his filling. Panting, as she finally released her hold on his body, he muttered, “W-wow... that was intense.”
“Now don’t get too relaxed,” Twilight reminded him, licking away an extra white stream from around her mouth. “I still have plenty more planned for you tonight.”
A camera in the high up corner of the kitchen focused its lens, watching closer as Twilight continued with the passionate lovemaking with her snackfood love.
“So, this is seriously what you two have been doing every Tuesday night?” Celestia asked, arching back in her seat on the couch as she stared at the large tv screen.
Luna nodded her head, popping another Milk Dud in her mouth. “And even Thursdays, if Twilight gets hungry enough.”
“I should really record this sometime,” Discord said, munching on another piece of popcorn.
“I expected this type of thing from Discord. But Luna, I thought you were more responsible than this,” Celestia chided as her sister rolled her eyes.
“You want me to turn it off then?” Discord asked, pointing to where Twilight was about to get it on with three Twinkies at once.
“Oh heavens no,” Celestia answered, holding out her hoof to Luna while staring intently at the screen. “Now, pass me some Milk Duds.”
“Of course,” the chef growled in contempt, the pony the first one in the kitchen at the crack of dawn once more. “Of course this has to happen again! For pete’s sake, there’s a trash can not three feet away!”
Huffing in annoyance, he stared down at the open box of Twinkies, along with numerous wrappers littering the floor. Another morning of having to clean up this type of mess. Those new locks on the doors did nothing to prevent this.
“And what’s with all this sticky white stuff on the floor?”
Chapter 3: Luna Has A One Night Stand With A Moon Pie
“Ugh... I hate working Mondays,” Luna growled under her breath, trudging through the halls of the castle with a resentful scowl on her face. Technically it just turned Monday once the clock struck midnight, but already the princess could feel the dreaded day creeping up her bones and making her limbs feel heavy.
“Stupid late night working hours.” Luna turned a corner, knowing the inside of the castle better than anyone in near darkness. While many a pony would be hesitant to walk in such foreboding corridors with shadows concealing who knows what behind every corner, Luna walked down them in a nonchalant manner. She wasn’t called princess of the night for nothing.
Her scowl soon turned into a grimace at what was most likely awaiting her during her night shift. Stack after stack of paperwork she would have to fill out, all dealing with the usual nightly business.
Nightwatch guards reporting their findings, astronomers asking for advice and meetings for the numerous constellations and studies of the night sky, and of course pegasi reports for nighttime weather. This and much more awaited her, neatly stacked in a tower for her to read over, fill out, then file away in the corresponding folder. A monotonous, tedious, mind-numbing, face-on-the-desk-slamming, boring job.
Sometimes she really wished no one enjoyed the night like before. At least then she’d be given a day off. And less paper cuts on her hoof.
Stopping near the doors to the castle kitchen, Luna’s eyes immediately focused themselves dead center on the handle. A tempting thought entered her mind. “I’m sure a cup of coffee wouldn’t hurt...” Yeah, that was a perfectly good reason to break into the locked kitchen doors. Besides, she’s a princess, so she has the royal decree to break any rules she wants.
Plus, when she uses her royal Canterlot voice on ponies, they tend to listen to whatever she said.
Glancing down each hallway to make sure no one noticed her, her horn glowed in a bright blue light as she squinted her eyes to stare at the locks on the handle. “Let’s see... how hard is it to unlock a door?” she wondered, shrugging and going at the lock with her magic.
After several minutes of useless twisting and prodding with her magic on the lock, an idea suddenly popped in Luna’s head. “Why didn’t I teleport?” she said aloud, facehoofing at the simplicity of the plan that she didn’t even notice.
Temporarily disappearing, she returned back in the castle on the opposite side of the doors. Now in the kitchens, her eyes desperately swept the area for any sign of a coffeepot or ground coffee beans. Her fix for caffeine goodness was particularly high tonight, and only the succulent black gold in liquid form could quell it.
Walking down some counters, she scanned every square inch of the kitchen area for a sign of her much needed caffeine. Unfortunately for her, none was in sight. Feeling disappointment as bitter as the drink she longed for, her ears drooped down. Then perked back up when a voice called for her off to the side.
“Hey there, good looking. You come down by here often?” a mysterious voice asked, hidden in the shadows of an above cabinet on the counter beneath.
Arching an eyebrow, Luna asked, “Who is there? Why are you here?”
A chuckle sounded back. “The who and the why don’t matter, darlin’. The ‘what’ does. Such as what is a fine lookin’ lady such as yourself doin’ down in this shebang so late at night?”
“I wanted coffee,” Luna answered, curious as to who was talking to her in what she presumed was an abandoned kitchen.
“Pfft, you run around with that square?” the stranger asked, chuckling lightly once more. “I was expecting someone as beautiful as you would be more on the wild side. Not just another one hopped up on the caffeine juice.”
Scowling slightly at the tone of voice the stranger was using with her, Luna’s horn brightened the area so she could see who the perpetrator was. “You’re a... Moon Pie?” Luna spit out, utterly shocked that such a snackfood was talking to her.
The Moon Pie just stood in all its grandeur without moving an inch, his chocolate coating hiding the dual round graham crackers with a marshmallow filling in the center. “Yeah, the only one on the planet too. So what?”
“It’s just that... I, um... I’m not sure what you want with me,” Luna said, still at a loss of words how to react.
“Hey now, it ain’t what I want with you. It’s what you want with me,” the Moon Pie replied.
“Um... yeah, I’m lost again.”
Sighing, the Moon Pie didn’t even bother to shake his head sadly. “You wanted coffee, right? Well, the bloke blew you off and isn’t here. But I am.”
“So... you... and me?”
“Correctamundo, sweet cheeks. So, what do you say about spending some time with the original marshmallow sandwich?” he asked eagerly, his chocolatey coating practically buzzing with excitement.
Well... this was certainly a weird situation. But the Moon Pie did have certain qualities to him that made him quite attractive. His sweet outer coating, hiding a crunchiness underneath with an oh so sweet and sticky center. Her stomach growled at just the thought of that.
“I’m, uh, not sure what to say,” Luna said, blushing slightly at the Moon Pie’s sweet words.
“Then just do what your mind tells you. Come on over here.”
Blushing much stronger than before, Luna complied and approached the Moon Pie closer. It was only when she got closer to the delicious pastry did she notice its smell. An encompassing aroma of chocolate and the faintest hint of marshmallow.
Being lifted in the glow of her horn, the Moon Pie was brought to eye level with the princess. “Now isn't someone a bit eager?”
Luna didn’t answer, instead licking the beautiful roundness of his shape with her tongue, shivering as the delectable taste touched her tongue and sent her mind into a sugar-rushed craze of ecstasy. “I want you now,” she whispered, giving him a small lick and nibble as her hunger overtook her rational thought. “All of you.”
“Whoopy!” the Moon Pie shouted in glee, knowing he was going to get some tonight.
The two lovers fell to the floor, their act dirty, quick, and without a single crumb of dignity. A couple of crunches followed by moans of pleasure could be heard, along with a camera focusing in on the pastry on pony action.
“See Twilight, you owe me five bits now,” Discord said, holding out a claw to her.
She grumbled, tossing the bits in his palm as the princess rolled her eyes. “I thought for sure she wouldn’t fall for that.”
The moans soon reached a new crescendo, and Discord quickly shushed her as he raised the volume with the remote. “You know, I really think movie nights have brought us closer together,” Discord commented, arching back in his seat with a contented sigh.
“Together on this couch to see ponies make love to snackfoods you mean?” Celestia asked, taking another hoofful of popcorn and shoving it in her mouth as things on screen became more saucy.
“That too,” Discord said, his ears perking up when a lustful scream could be heard from the television. “Aaaaaaaaaand record!” he laughed, hitting the record button on the remote to capture this moment forever.
“Why am I not surprised?” the chef asked himself, once more wondering why he even bothered to question the sight before him.
“Yet again, some idiotic moron left a huge mess on my floor!” he shouted, throwing the mop he acquired to clean the mess on the floor as he barely got a grip on his rage. “Get a wet cloth or even a paper towel to clean up your messes, you frickin’ jerks!” he yelled to the heavens, sick and tired with the unfairness of it all.
“And why the hell is this creamy stuff all over my floor?”
