Darkness, darkness followed by a call I must answer. I reach forward and breakthrough to the otherside. Then darkness takes me again as pain lances my skull and I know no more.
Excuse me are you okay?
Opening my eyes I look up at a crystal ceiling, looking down at me is everyone's favorite purple Alicorn Twilight Sparkle. However, instead of a quadruped, I appear to have the anthroversion. Groaning, I rise to my feet. Sure enough, a well endowed Princess Twilight Sparkle is staring up at me, dressed entirely in naughty schoolgirl chic. Closing my eyes I pinch the bridge of my nose.
"Great, Minaren the author is doing a self insert." I Mutter, "So therefore I, being the self insert, have to suffer through this."
Taking one last breath I begin analyzing myself. I am regularly 6ft 5in and about 300pds, but I feel taller, heavier and way more muscular. Please tell me the asshole is not doing what I think he is.
Raising my hands to the top of my head, I curse. "Yep he absolutely is."
Sure enough a Ram's head greets my inspection, complete with large horns. Opening my eyes, I see that Twi is still staring at me.
"I'm fine Bookhorse." I growl, looking at her circle I flinch, "What in Celestia's futacock were you trying to summon?"
"Well, after Spike helped me with a little research, I was just experimenting with a new set of arcane lettering that I just discovered. And my name is not Bookhorse its -"
"Princess Twilight Sparkle, You're the Element Of Magic and one of the Heroines known as the Mane 6. You have a brother name Shining Armor and are the sister in law to Princess Cadence. She used to also be your babysitter. Your parents are Night Light and Twilight Velvet, respectively. I know who you are." I interrupt her.
"Then why did you -"
Placing a finger on her lips I silenced her, "1. I didn't wake up looking like this in my world. 2. I was yanked out of my existence by another. 3. You are that other. 4. You have taken me away from my special someone. As long as I am not Cursing, threatening you, hurting myself or others, and/or doing something blatantly illegal, I suggest that you not remark on what I call you."
Taking away my finger, I continued, "Especially when by entering the circle yourself you made me completely immune to any harm you could do to me. Whether it be magical or physical," turning my head to the side I snarked, "Isn't that summoner 101? 'Don't break the circle.' I mean isn't it in the same class with 'Don't call something you can't put down?"
"Bookhorse it is," Twilight stammered, stepping back she began to mutter, "Oh this is bad," She started to panic, "Celestia is so gonna punish me for this one."
Shrugging I reassured the Alicorn of Obsessive Neurosis, "You'll be fine, technically you both are the same rank. Besides, All I ask is for two things. One, step out of the room for a moment. 2. Send me back as soon as you can. Okay, Bookhorse?"
"I'll definitely do my best to send you back, but why do you want me leave the room?"
"Because, although I am calm right now, I am only a couple of minutes from a complete and total freak out. Being that you can do nothing to hurt me in any way, while I am under no such restriction I would rather you were not in front of me until I get myself back under control." I explained.
"Ah, Leaving the room then," Sparkles affirmed.
Moving rapidly for the door, her short skirt flipped up several times. She was not wearing anything underneath and white liquid oozed down her leg.
"Heh, Spike helped her with Research," I leered, "He's probably over helping Rarity with her Inspiration problems."
Waiting a moment for the door to close, I began.
"Alright you absolute piece of shit, what the FUCK!"
Heh, should have known you'd find a way to talk to me.
"Yeah, it helps when I know it's me that writing this whole dumpster fire of a story. I mean seriously? You put me in the same world as Magic Of Dragons? I suppose that Sunset in the other world is a futa that takes advantage of Fluttershy too?"
I will neither confirm nor deny that.
"Wow. We are absolute piles of garbage."
Hey, What's this we, white man?
"Don't give me that crap. Not only that, but since I am a self insert that means that I am in no way getting back home. So even though, I am going to be loyal to NotJohnHarker, unless she writes herself into this pile of crap then I'm going to be alone. Nothing but manual relief for me. Not to mention the fact that what we are doing is a direct parody/satire/inspired by/homage/stolen idea from True Edge's Pony Plots. And what even was your end game huh? You and I both know that were are not good fro just about anything. I mean without NotJohnHarker I am probably going to fall to my less ration inclinations pretty quickly. Never mind my other predilections. "
Yeah, this is going to be fun. As for Edge, he's a big boy. He will understand.
"And what is the big idea with those symbols, eh? We created those. We created all those secret languages and arcane numbers. All to hide some of the more scary shit from prying eyes. Why the fuck did you give her access to that shit. I mean come on, next you're going to tell me the grimoire of ours the we burned all those years ago is sitting on the bookshelves behind me."
Second Bookshelf from the right, Third Shelf from the top, Five Books in.
"Why did you make me an exact copy of our character from Capricorn Born In January? It's one of our most hated tales! And With Good reason."
All the more to add to the fun.
"Oh, I forgot. We don't mind inflicting pain on ourselves. Neverminded shooting ourselves in the foot for a point do we?"
no we do not.[.color]
"Well then you know exactly what I am going to do next."
You wouldn't dare.
Shifting back to my own internal monologue I snarled out loud, "Oh You bet our sexy asses I would,"