“So you used to be a monkey?” Blueblood asks Anon with a large grin.
Anon gives a nod. “In a way, yes.”
“I find that very interesting,” Celestia says as the three of them have a small picnic in the garden.
Let me guess, you want to know how Anon ended up having a picnic in the gardens with Blueblood and Celestia? I guess I have enough time to indulge you. I am rather tired, so how about we go back a few hours and watch the events happen? Really? Would you prefer that? Alright. The past will become present in 3, 2, 1.
“Luna, what are you doing?!” Celestia screams at Luna as she tries to pry her off the Minotaur ambassador.
“WE WILL REND THINE HEAD FROM THINE SHOULDERS, YOU COW!” Luna yells as she tries to slash the ambassador with her horn.
Hmm.. Seems we went a little too far. Give me a second to calibrate this thing.
“Someone get this mare off me!” the ambassador screams in terror.
To think, the ambassador thought it was going to be the same old yearly meeting that he has with the princess. Meet her sister, she said. It’ll be alright, she said. What he did not expect was for Celestia’s younger sister to gore him with her horn. Luckily he was fast enough to grab her horn before it could plunge into his chest, but that didn't stop Luna from pulling away from his grasp and trying again.
Luckily for the ambassador, Celestia managed to pry Luna off of him and teleport her from the throne room. To make sure she would not return, Celestia made sure to place a large C&D spell around the room. That should be enough to stop Luna. After a few moments, she could sense that her sister was no longer attempting to break in. Celestia can't believe she forgot about the war. She scolds herself silently for not remembering the large crusade, led by none other than her own sister. She quickly sets her attention to the ambassador.
“I’m so sorry for that,” she comes in and tries to defuse the situation.
Ah ha! I think I got this thing working again. Past, here we come!
Celestia has a worried look on her face as she stands in front of Anon’s door. He went to sleep last night after eating all that meat and hasn't woken up yet. It’s around five in the morning now. She’s never known anypony to sleep past six. To be fair, Celestia doesn't know much about human sleeping habits. She also assumes that everypony rises at the same time as her, so she doesn't really know much about sleeping patterns in general. She has a very sheltered life, to be honest.
A familiar smile returns to her as she thinks about Anon. He’s a great friend to have come to see her home. Despite his reserved nature, he always goes out of his way to make sure she is comfortable when she comes to spend time with him. Always making her smile, and just allowing her to be a normal pony again. She felt obligated to return the favor. That’s why she ordered so much meat for his arrival. She knows that since his stay in Ponyville that he hasn't been getting much nutrition to balance himself out.
Celestia's been around for a long time and met with many ambassadors in her time. Meat eaters aren't a big concern to her. As long as it’s not one of her subjects being consumed, she couldn’t care less where the meat came from. Some ponies find it wrong to eat other creatures, but Celestia knows it is a necessity for some of the other races out there.
Before Luna was banished, it was common to see a pony eat a piece of fish from time to time. Some ponies even took it further by eating small amounts of meat as well. It never harmed them and many seemed to enjoy it. She’s not sure on the date of when it happened, but after she had a piece of bad fish at a restaurant, everypony seemed to think that all fish were poisonous. After spending a day or so in her room to recover, Celestia received a petition signed by the entire city of Canterlot to ban the consumption of animals in Equestria.
This is one reason why she no longer goes out to restaurants. Ponies hang on every word she says and every action she brings. She can say that she enjoyed a slice of cake from the most run down building ever seen, and ponies would flock to have a slice. In smaller towns, she feels a bit of freedom, yet, there are always dangers. Such as reporters. While she dislikes them, she never says anything about it. Seeing as if she said she would rather have them beaten to death, chances are they would be.
That is another reason why she likes being around Anon so much. She can speak like a normal pony, have opinions, likes and dislikes. Anon never took her word for law. In fact, he would disagree with many of the things she likes, though he mostly did it to make her angry. Like the one time, he actually said that he didn't like cake. Everypony likes cake! Even aliens from different worlds like cake!
Celestia stops in thought as she thinks that over. Now that she thinks about it, Anon’s never eaten cake in front of her. He would just give his slice to her. Perhaps he was telling the truth when he told her that he dislikes cake? Celestia is so lost in thought she doesn’t even see the door to Anon’s room open. Anon just stands there with surprise, he wasn't expecting to see Celestia here.
He looks over to a clock that is in his room and finds that it’s around six in the morning. How long has she been standing here? What he finds disturbing is the thousand-yard stare Celestia is giving. Anon waves his hand in front of her a few times to see if she would react. She just sits there looking him in the eyes, though he can tell that no one is home at the moment.
He walks over to her side and brings his hand up to her ear, snapping his fingers a few times. She still doesn't break from that look. Anon is starting to get a little worried now. He’s never seen her so lost in thought before. Lost in the beauty of a hoofmade cake, sure. But this is something else entirely.
“Celestia?” he calls to her. She doesn't acknowledge his presence. “Cel?” Still nothing. “Celly?”
Currently, Celestia is in her mind looking over memories of Anon. Every time she ordered him a piece of cake, he would turn it down or just give it to her. She’s pretty sure she has never seen him eat a single slice of cake since they’ve become friends.
“Tia!”
Celestia jumps in shock as something slaps her flank. On reflex, she throws her hind hoof back and smashes into something solid. She turns around and feels herself freeze up. Anon is lying there on his back.
“Anon!” She instantly runs to his side and brings him to her chest. “Are you alright?! What happened?”
He coughs a bit as he tries to bury away the pain inside of him.
“I-I think I got kicked by a horse.” He lifts his shirt up a bit. A perfect hoof print is left as a bruise on his stomach. “Yeah, definitely kicked by a horse.”
Celestia looks in shock as she pulls him tightly to her chest.
“I’m so sorry! I didn't know you were behind me.”
“OW, easy!”
Celestia winced and eases up a little. Anon rubs his stomach some as he looks up to Tia. She has tears in her eyes and is only moments from crying.
“Don't look at me like that. It’s my fault this happened.” Anon speaks in an even tone. “You were zoned out and I tried to get your attention.” He chuckled dryly some. “Smacking your flank while standing behind you, yeah, that wasn't one of my brightest ideas.”
Celestia looks over to her flank and does find a red looking handmark there. She can't feel the sting at the moment. She’s far more concerned over Anon to care.
“Maybe we should take you to the infirmary?” Celestia offers.
Anon shakes his head. “Nah, I just need to walk it off,” he says as he slowly gets up.
Celestia is by his side as she helps him up. He keeps a single hand on the small of her back to balance himself out better. Getting kicked by a horse hurts. Celestia finds her mind coming back to why she came here in the first place.
“That reminds me. I came by to check and see if you were alright. You did appear rather ill last night.”
Anon shifts some on his feet to gain better footing.. “I’m good. That rest really did do wonders.”
Celestia looks at Anon and finds him rubbing his stomach some, the small winces are as clear as day to her eyes. She feels one of her wings embrace him as she pulls him to her neck. Anon can do no more than rest his head on the back of Celestia’s neck. He knows she is trying to comfort him, yet he can tell that it’s more for her benefit than his own. Even if he told her it wasn't her fault, she is going to blame herself. She’s too caring for her own good.
Celestia can feel Anon’s heart beat slow as she holds him closer. She doesn't quite know why, but she likes to have him this close. She rarely gets to hold another like this. She used to hold Twilight like this when she was a filly, but those days are gone. She just assumes it’s in her nature to take care of others.
“Do you want to join Blue and I on a picnic?” Celestia asks.
He smiles at her. “Sure.”
So that’s pretty much how we got to where we are now. As for how it got to monkey talk? Well, Blueblood was telling Anon how much he likes monkeys and how Anon kinda reminded him of one. Well, wouldn't you know it, Anon admitted that his people use to be monkeys. Celestia never knew such a thing was possible until Anon explained how it all happened.
“How is it that your people, what was the word, evolved?” Celestia asks.
Anon scratches the stubble that is starting to grow on his chin. Celestia finds it odd that Anon is largely hairless, and yet, he grows patches of hair in random places.
“Hard to explain.” He admits. “Change happens over time. After a few million years, well, many things are unrecognizable.”
Celestia gives a nod. She understands the point he is trying to make. Having only been around for a few thousand years. Celestia knows from experience that time does have a large influence on the world. Celestia giggles some as a small monkey starts to climb on Anon.
“I’m still unsure how your little friend there can one day become someone like you,” she admits.
Anon shrugs. “I’m no scientist, so I can't really explain it in total detail.”
Everything is peaceful right now, just another day of relaxing for them. Blueblood is walking around the garden petting some of the animals while Anon and Celestia just relax under a local tree. It’s one of those moments you seldom see in the life of royalty. Anon can't help but look over to Celestia as she looks out towards the garden. That look of tranquility.
“It’s a good day, isn't it?” Celestia asked randomly.
Anon hadn't even noticed when Celestia turned to face him.
He looks out to the garden and nods. “Definitely.”
Celestia was going to reply, but notices a guard approaching them.
“Princess, we have a visitor,” he speaks in a firm tone.
“Whom might that be?” She asks.
“One of the Elements.”
Celestia feels her brow raise. It couldn't have been Twilight. She usually sends a week's notice before arriving.
“Ever think about telling her which element?” Anon speaks in a sarcastic tone. “Because, you know, she isn't psychic.” He then looks to her. “You aren't, right?” Celestia shakes her head. “Thought so.”
The guard seems to realize his mistake as he gives a bow. “Terribly sorry. It’s the Element of Generosity.”
Celestia thinks over why she would be here. Perhaps she is visiting Fancy Pants and wishes for a place to stay? Celestia hears Anon let out a long groan.
“I can't stand that woman.”
“Mare,” Celestia corrects.
“Potato. Doesn't matter, the fact is that she is on my list.”
“List?”
He looks to her with a raised brow. “You don't have a list?”
Celestia thinks it over. “There are some cakes that I would like to eat,” she admits to him.
He shakes his head. “Not like that. Like, an enemies list.”
“Enemy?” He nods. “I don't think I do have such a list. I will admit that Luna and I dislike Discord. Does that count?”
Anon lets out a sigh. “Not really. An enemy list is basically a list of people that have wronged you. You then get revenge, by any means necessary.”
Anon reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a small black book.
“Who’s on the list?” Celestia asks curiously.
“Let’s see.” Anon flips open his book. “Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash..” He pulls out a small pencil and starts to write. “Pinkie Pie.” He then sets the pencil down. “There’s also Fluttershy, Cheerilee, Mr. Cake, the Cake twins.”
“Foals, really?” Celestia giggles at such a ridiculous thing..
He nods. “They gave me a look. I didn't much care for it.” He then flips a page. “Derpy, as well as most of the fillies and colts.”
“Can you tell me why they deserved to get on this list of yours?” Celestia asks with a grin. She couldn't believe Anon had something like this on his person.
Anon flips back to the first page. “Twilight, for experimenting on me.”
“That doesn-” Celestia tries to defend her student, but is cut off by Anon.
“Against my will.”
Yeah, talk about awkward.
“Oh..” Celestia has a feeling that she might need to talk to Twilight about boundaries.
Anon looks back to his list.
“Applejack, for bucking me when I told her that her apples aren't that great.”
Celestia will admit that is not really a good reason to harm another creature. However, she knows how headstrong that mare can be. She takes after her grandfather more than she probably will ever know.
“Rarity, for being herself.”
That one seems a little unfair.
“Rainbow Dash, for her pranks.”
Celestia can understand that one. Luna likes to prank her a lot and she doesn't take any joy in such an activity.
“Pinkie, for that rock she hit me with.”
If only she had the time to grab her with her magic. She was honestly curious as to why that pony would assault Anon in such a way.
“Fluttershy, for not helping me with my protein needs.”
She can understand why Fluttershy wouldn't do such a thing. She probably thinks the act of another creature eating another to be abhorrent.
“Cheerilee, for thinking I was a foalnapper.”
Celestia was going to ask about that one, but found it leaving her mind as she hears the last pony on the list.
“Mr. Cake, for thinking I was hitting on his wife.”
“How did that come to pass?” Celestia asks.
Anon looks to her. “How was I supposed to know that complimenting a pony’s smile was considered flirting?”
“Well, it starts with our teeth. Our teeth change as we age. If you say a pony has a nice smile, then that is telling her that she is young looking and takes care of herself,” Celestia informs him.
“Really?” She nods. “Huh..” He shakes his head. “Anyways, I told you about the twins already. Derpy got on the list when she tackled me to the ground for a muffin. As for the fillies and colts, when I went to see Cheerilee for the first time, they all thought it would be fun to dogpile on me. Which led to why Cheerilee thought I was a foalnapper. I was trying to stuff them in that sack to get them off me!”
Celestia looks to Anon with a blank look.
“A sack?”
Anon waves it off. “Doesn't matter. The fact is, they are my enemies now.”
“And what will you do to them?” she asks while rolling her eyes.
He shrugs. “Not sure. Thinking about poisoning them.”
Her playful attitude drops instantly. “You aren't serious, right?”
He looks to her with no emotion. “Of course not.. Why would I ever do anything like that?” He then grins at her and pats her on the shoulders some. “Just joking. I’m probably just going to ruin their careers. Not so sure about the young ones yet.”
Celestia isn't really too sure on how to respond to that. Thankfully, the guard thought that standing in place waiting for the conversation to return to his predicament wasn't very likely, so he decided to speak up.
“About Rarity, Princess?” the guard asks.
Celestia snaps to the task at hoof.
“My apologies.” She gets up and looks over to Anon. “I’m going to greet her. Do you mind watching over Blueblood till I return?”
Anon leans back against the tree.
“Sure, I can watch him. You going to be back soon?”
She gives a nod. “I shouldn't be long.”
Anon scoffs. “You haven't met Rarity then.”
Celestia ignores his comment and motions for the guard to lead. Anon watches her leave and notices Blueblood walking over to him.
“Where’s Aunty going?”
“She needs to greet someone.”
Blueblood gets excited at the idea of meeting somepony he knew.
“Do I know them?” He asks.
Anon shrugs. “Not too sure. You know Rarity by any chance?”
Blueblood's face skews in confusion as he tries to recall a pony by that name. He looks to Anon and shakes his head.
“Nothing? She’s like, a white mare with purple curls. One of the Elements of Harmony?”
That sounds a little familiar to Blueblood. He remembers his aunty showing him those pretty glass windows in her throne room. If he remembers correctly, a few of them were about the Elements. He still wasn't too sure what they were, but Aunty seems to think they are very important. His mind flashed to a year ago, a white mare with curls and a pretty dress.
“Does she wear pretty things?” he asks.
Anon nods. “Yeah, she does.”
The memory is slowly coming back to him. She’s the mare from the Gala!
“I don't like her,” he says, taking a seat next to Anon. He could trust him, seeing as his aunty likes him so much. “She kept following me around.”
Anon rolls his eyes at that. He knows that Rarity was probably trying to get Blueblood to woo her.
“She is rather annoying,” Anon admits.
“She even went so far as to get cake into my coat!” Blueblood says aghast. “It took Aunty all morning to get me ready for that party and I didn't want to get dirty. Not to mention, I practiced how to be fancy, as well as my Canterlot voice all year!”
Anon shakes his head some. He’s definitely on the money with his original thought. Rarity probably tried to catch his interest. Being as shallow as she is, probably heard he was a prince. Though Blueblood’s status is considered more as an honorary title than anything else. Rarity must’ve not known about that.
“Don't mind her. She can be very difficult to deal with.” He sympathizes with Blueblood.
Blueblood just looks to the sky, unsure what to say.
“What if Aunty wants me to meet her again?” he asks. “I don't think I could stand being around that s-stupid.” Blueblood grunts in frustration, taking a few deep breaths.
Anon pats him on the shoulder gently.
“Just ignore her.”
“Ignore who?”
Anon looks over and sees that Celestia has returned.
“No one you know,” Anon answers. “So what’s Rarity doing here, anyways?”
“Some kind of fashion show. She seems interested in knowing that you’re here.”
“Oh, I bet she is,” Anon says with irritation. “That woman really grinds my gears.”
Celestia looks to Anon confused. “I am unaware what that saying means.”
“She’s annoying,” he simplifies.
Celestia frowns at that. “While she can be a bit much at times, I guarantee that she doesn't have the Element of Generosity for nothing.”
Anon waves that off. “Yeah, yeah. Magic of friendship, rainbow death beam. I heard it all before.”
Celestia can't help but scoff at his description of the most powerful form of protection known to ponykind. Then again, he wasn't really off with his thoughts.
“Worry not, she made reservations at a hotel. She just wanted to come by and say hello.”
Anon leans back against the tree. “Cool, so I don't need to worry?”
“She did want to say hello to you,” Celestia admits as she looks over to Blueblood. “I told her that you were busy at the moment.”
Anon nods. “Good call, Bluey here can't stand her.”
Blueblood freezes up some at being put on the spot. Celestia looks over to him as he looks away.
“I understand why,” Celestia says. “I heard about what happened at the gala.”
Anon snorts. “Yeah, Blue gave me the rundown. That mare should be considered the Element of Shallowness.”
Celestia wants to defend one of the Elements, but she can't. As much as she hates to admit it. Anon is one hundred percent right on that. Celestia’s been around for a long time, seen many things, including naive mares. Rarity seems to have never grown out of that ‘prince charming’ idealism. Anon can see the internal struggle Celestia is going through.
“Hey.” Celestia looks back to him. “Think we can get an early lunch?”
Celestia looks up to the sun, then back to Anon. “Very well.”
The three of them set off toward the dining hall for a nice lunch. The day is only starting and maybe more will come. That’s a tale for another chapter, though.
Does our chapter sponsor mean that If I draw a Celestia/anon themed picture you would post another update? I love this story!
4509210
Probably.. Pictures are very inspiring.
Another great chapter. There aren't many "slice-of-life" stories that I like.
Myriad commands instead of periods; other than that, good!
a better title:
Insert Really Here.
Anon, go see Rarity. She NEEDS to know exactly why what she did to Blueblood was wrong. And don't just tell her, slam it in her face with force!
CELESTIA IS LIFE!!!!
but Luna better
"acknowledge his presents" unless he believes he's a god among men and waving his junk in her face , I think you ment presence. Still enjoyable as always.
My new creed. Thanks Sal.
Wow, Anon is a huge dick. With the exception of Twilight, none of these things are worth calling someone an enemy over. An enemy isn't just some light little thing of annoyance, it's an existence that you cannot tolerate. He's also getting really over-friendly with Celestia when his words have more weight with her than Twilight's, whom she practically raised as a mother would. I really don't think Celestia would let someone crap all over a couple decades of close, personal relationship for one extremely rude and biased new friend. Also, AJ just attacking out of the blue is beyond OOC. I can see her talking his ear off about the qualities of apples, even challenging him to some kind of competition to get him to take it back if you wanted to stretch the limits of what should upset someone. But just "I like peaches more. That's my opinion.:o" and she kicks him? With THOSE powerful-ass legs? That's not something AJ would do over that. Celestia kicks him without even having been offended, and he waves it off as no problem. He supposedly offends AJ and gets kicked and she's on his shit-list. I can see him deciding, "Those girls are a bit too crazy for me to hang around, so I'm gonna avoid them." But he just straight up takes a dump on each of them.
Not to mention Blueblood dislikes Rarity for getting cake on him, yet that only happened because he was a prick to her. Which, here, is because he's mentally deficient. But it's okay for him to be a prick because he has a reason, but it's not okay for Rarity to be upset even though she has a reason? Also Fluttershy, seriously? "Here, give me one of your pets to eat, I'm hungry." No! "Well now I hate you forever." Who would actually hand over a pet to someone who wasn't dying of starvation, and could just go get a cake or donuts easily?
Celestia just lets all of these stories go without the slightest reprimand, and also agrees with him? I can't continue reading this. I'm actually starting to develop an unpleasant headache. This is not Celestia. The level of hypocrisy evident in Anon is huge, as is the fact he seems to be more than a little bit of a sociopath. Celestia not even bothering to defend or explain the mares who've saved her life, the lives of her subjects, the life of her little sister after a thousand years of absolute loneliness and loss? Just sorta writing them off and agreeing with this guy who flippantly trash-talks the friends who she had before him? Whom she has groomed to help her protect this world, which would easily make them of second most importance only to her family?
Inconceivable, and it's not even handled in a "this is a joke" way, by the characters or the story. It's handled in a way that it's supposed to make sense and should be obvious to everyone that this is correct, when none of it is. Also, regardless of whether he thinks so or not, he is the one who offended Mr. Cake and Cheerilee. Stuffing kids into a sack is wrong no matter what universe you're in, and unless Carrot Cake hit him or something, he has no reason to be hateful of Carrot for thinking Anon was hitting on Cup. It's to be expected. I don't even know what to do with this. Someone please tell me they were both just kidding around and the author really dropped the ball on communicating that.
First chapter was beautiful. Second chapter was a little... disconnected from the first chapter, and its themes and situations were likewise disconnected from each other as well. But this chapter just doesn't even make sense. It's all over the place, kicks out any semblance of development or comedy that the first chapter had, and even seems to take itself seriously rather than being satirical or even leaning towards what might be considered 'lulz' type comedy, let alone the type of humour we saw in the first chapter, which was pure gold.
Wow, is there anypony in Ponyville not on Anon's shit list?
"I was trying to stuff them in that sack to get them off me!”
... Yes.
I would like another double order of humor please. Don't trim the fat, I need my vitamins.
4509434
I'm pretty sure you should turn yourself in to the California Forest Service for cutting down that redwood you have so firmly lodged into one of your orifices.
4509466
Or you can go fuck yourself for deciding to get fresh with someone who has a legitimate issue with a piece of writing. What level of immaturity does it take to come up with a reply like that instead of something like "Hey, it's just comedy." despite how completely incongruous this chapter was and the total lack of setup to show that this was meant to be humorous.
I suppose you're as tactless as you are tasteless then.
4509434
What you call 'a huge dick'. I call antisocial behavior. Read up some, Anon fits the personality to a T. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial_personality_disorder
Keeping in mind of his antisocial mindset. It probably wasn't as simple as. "I like peaches better."
The reason she kicked him was because of his own doing. AJ kicked him because she didn't like what he said.
Antisocial people dont have impulse control. It seemed like the best option to him at the time.
You don't have the full story as to what Mr. Cake did. Perhaps this is a reason as to why Anon doesn't work at Sugarcube corner? Perhaps this is a reason why he never eats cake? You're speaking with a lack of experience and history.
the elements of harmonyRainbow death beam!!!!4509476 That's called World Building, or just a build-up chapter. Calm the heck down man, it's just a fanfiction, nobody pays him to do it, he does it as he pleases.
4509490
Read up some, eh?. I -did- say he was a sociopath. Which is the lay term for someone with Antisocial Personality Disorder. And no, we have impulse control thank you very much. It's simply a matter that the impulses, the urges, are harder to get hold of. It's not like it just takes over and we become puppets to the first thing that pops into our heads. It just takes a bit of effort to prevent yourself doing something rash. So really, try not to question my experience in the subject. I've had to deal with it my entire life - which is part of what got me into the psychology field in the first place.
As far as AJ kicking him. Yes. We established WHY she kicked him. We didn't establish why you think she would do that for no real reason. Is it comedic value? It wasn't approached in a "Hey audience, this is a hoot!" manner that one normally sets up slapstick. It's just laid out there, like a fact of life. "Yeah, AJ kicks people who don't agree with her. No, it's just a thing that happens." Do you see what I mean? I'm not... attacking you, I'm trying to understand where you were going with this chapter.
"It seemed like the best option."
See, this is actually more along the lines of psychopathy than sociopathy, though they both be in the same field of disorder. I could see if he shoved them off of him a bit too hard, but I've never met another sociopathic sufferer (I'm married to one such) who would actually start shoving a kid into a bag in order to get away from them. Again, if you meant this to be comedy, you didn't really give it a comedic feel or make it obvious.
And yes, of course I don't have the full story on Carrot. You didn't write it! I even stated "unless he hit him", pointing out I don't/we don't know why, but that it would likely take such measures to become hateful of a married person defending their relationship.
Also, none of this addresses the issues with Celestia just accepting all these terrible things without even a question. Are these things normal in your universe? Without some set-up to show that there's a difference, it's kind of assumed that the characters and the world in general is going to be the same one we're familiar with. Either an AU tag, or a little bit of world-building, character development to show where these thoughts and actions would come from, you know?
Mostly I just feel like a lot is... missing, that would explain why things are the way they are. Are we going to see some reverse building going on, so that things make sense and ties together all the disproportionate and disconnected themes we have peppered around since the second chapter started? As I stated before, the first chapter was easily a work of art. Second destabilized and stopped making sense with the... jump. Third just feels, chaotic and approaches things like we're supposed to know the 'whys' of how things are the way they're presented, without telling us the why to begin with.
4509523
No, that's... not world-building. It's the opposite. I'm irate because there's a LACK of world-building. There's nothing explaining where these things come from. Also the post you replied to was the wrong one, that post was in regards to someone deciding it'd be funny to insult someone else for no reason.
I am quite calm, I am mostly confused on how we got from the quality and charm of chapter one to something that makes this little sense and turns every character on their head without explanation. Was that not confusing for anyone else? We did a one-eighty on theme and tone with massive whiplash.
Also, considering I'm usually the first person to fight for an author, don't talk to me about how it's just fanfiction. I'm well aware of that. I am not attacking the author, I tend to only attack people who are being insulting and/or trolling. So far he's been absolutely fine and I have no problems with him or the story except with the clarity of the story's progression and reasoning. Does that clear things up for you?
4509534
Honestly, this was meant to be a one shot. So SORRY if I couldn't build an entirely believable universe within the current 10k works I have written. I'll write what I write and that's pretty much that. Will I explain things as the story goes on? Sure. Will I waste the readers time by dedicating an entire chapter to a flash back? No. Perhaps I will throw in little flash backs, like the one I did with Luna and the ambassador. When they will happen is an unknown.
Also, I didn't ask for your life story. If you want to compare mental illness, then I can honestly say that will be the lowest I have ever sunk in my entire time on the internet. THAT'S saying something.
4509534
This post of near equal length to the story solidifies the fact that you have one of the largest sticks the world has ever known shoved up you ass.
4509476
I'm over here talking about redwood trees and you insult my maturity with a "go fuck yourself"? Man, I know it's late, but damn, at least stick to one side of being an raging asshole on the internet.
I'm also reminded that you're a raging asshole on a bunch of other stories and flame wars where you have been entirely in the wrong.
PS: fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/250/1/7/my_little_teal_deer_by_nonemouse-d494wt0.jpg to that wall of worthless text you spewed.
4509562
First off, calm down. Relax amigo - you are not under attack, I do not hate you. I don't even dislike you, and I enjoy your work except for this one bit that's gotten under my skin.
Secondly, no. I'm not comparing anything. Just showing you why I am having a bit of difficulty following your reasoning by noting my experience with the subject matter and telling you that things don't add up - you can't just slap a label on something and say 'this explains everything' when it objectively does not. This is criticism, not an inquisition, not an assault, not trolling. Any of those would be a bigger waste of my time.
If I felt you were a poor author, I'd just quietly unfavorite and walk away. As it is, you've left some holes that don't have an air of comprehension about them, and I feel that you have the capacity and ability to do better than that. I actually want to see these things explained, because I am interested in the world you've got set up here!
But look at chapter one, then chapter three, and tell me there's not even a slight hint of whiplash? Where things just don't make sense at this point?
As for explaining it later, that's excellent and just what I wanted to hear. But most of my issue came from how nothing seems like it's going to be explained. If you're new at this, I completely understand and hey - that's alright. There's nothing wrong with that, we've all made that little flub when we started out. If you're an old hand, I'm at best trying to remind you that you left a few things undone.
No bad blood, aye?
Edit: I do apologize, thanks to Alfamaxis I look back and see how things seemed, and understand why you might feel I was being unfair to you. It was not my intention to convey that! I am a bit bad at the more structured bullet-point form of picking out flaws and confusing points in a story, and tend to have to do so in a more... organic way. Unfortunately this manner also happens to shape my posts in the emotion or state of mind I'm currently in when doing so. As I was frustrated and confused at the time, my posts took a bit of an edge that was unlooked-for. No offense was intended.
4509567
Cork it. No one was raging, no one was being an asshole. I was pointing out flaws in the chapter, and not doing so in a manner that matches when I feel like tearing someone apart. I do admit I showed my frustration, but you have serious issues if you can't tell the difference. Especially when you make that mistake and then attack someone for your own misconception. Then have the gall to defend yourself for attacking someone unprovoked.
4509560 Well, I didn't press "any charges" on ya mate :D. As I saw before you tend to write a wall of text to show people your "Fineese in Grammar and Writing". And you do it not right. It seems like you're attacking this fanfic, and others would agree. If you said that it needs just a little worldbuilding or told anything other than , well, talking about protagonist in such vulgar ways, you would not be hated upon. But if you start your wall of text from: "Wow, Anon is a huge dick" it goes to TL;DR and downovote. So next time you want to make a "constructive" criticism, do it with normal words.
Oh and don't hate at me, I just told ya my point of view mate :)
4509604
I don't hate you. Seeing things from another perspective is always a good thing! That aside, that may be the way you feel about things, but I do not agree. As I stated, I did show a bit more frustration that I was feeling than was meant, but so far no one's objectively raised any legitimate counter-points. So the 'hating' and downvoting is from peoples' own preferences, acuity, and levels of comprehension.
Also, I have no finesse in grammar. Literally, none. Complete stream of consciousness. I will be the first one to admit that! That aside, most of this is misconception on the part of detractors. I was also not necessarily vulgar in the sense that we use the term, though you are correct by a dictionary definition. If you don't think a character who shoves children into a bag for no identifiable reason is not a dick, then that is less an issue with me and more with... well, anyone who disagrees with that point. I'm pretty sure most of the world agrees with me there, so 20-30 of you disliking me for that is no problem with me.
Now, since you approached me fairly reasonably and tried to show me how I was coming across to people instead of trolling or attacking like a dipshit, you have earned an upvote from me. Good on you! Thank you for being a decent human being.
4509615 Thank you and you're welcome :), just really, I do not see any reason to use swears in my speaking or when I am critiquing. That just antagonises people.
4509632
Just my normal mode of speech. Also, I've stopped bothering trying to be overly-polite. Even when I'm completely tone-neutral and have scrubbed my post of all offensive factors before posting it, someone decides they'd like to have a go at me anyway. Had plenty of arguments started over the years here just by praising an author for a good chapter (Hey, good work on today's chapter! Thank you for the update!). Get enough of those (probably close to a hundred now) and frankly you just stop caring enough to put in all the extra work when someone's going to fuck with you anyway.
Might as well just expect it'll happen and be comfortable instead of stressing over how the post looks.
kinda sad that Anon hates the ponies, not just choosing to avoid befriending them. as a reader i feel weird for reading the first time a fic, that the anon "hates" most of the ponies. but hey the story is concentrated on celestia and her relationship with anon, as she seeing him a friend that wont treat her as a goddess, and he (from what i can tell) seeing her as a delicate pony who tries her best to win his friendship. As a story its good, but not my preference, even so the story still got a liked cause i like the first chapter very much
felt obliged to post this cause of the debate going on
4509641 Heh, I'm not stressing how my posts look, I just write and talk politely. And if someone tries to troll me and agitate me, I just answer them politely. And their rage that I'm not angry is hilarious :D
4509651
Now imagine that just by being polite normally, people attacked you for it at least three times a day for about a month straight. Eventually you'd get tired of it, aye? Spread that around for a couple years and you'll see where I'm at. Hard to give a fuck when you say nice things to people and someone else decides that you've made their permanent shit-list for being helpful, praising, or constructive.
4509649
Yes, thank you! That sums up everything I was trying to say perfectly. I just want to know why things are like this, and loved the first chapter. Upvote ahead.
4509228 derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDQvMTEvMDBfNDZfMzhfNzExXzI5NDIyNl9fVU5PUFRfX3ByaW5jZXNzX2NlbGVzdGlhX3N1Z2dlc3RpdmVfYW5vbi5wbmciXV0/294226__princess-celestia_suggestive_anon_cuddling.png
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and finally
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I think you got the last phrase in this chapter wrong i beleve it is Shrek is love, Shrek is life.
4509655 Oh you have no idea how many human beings try to agitate me every day :). Be it my boss from my work, or my friends, I just don't give a flying mid-air buck.
It's all ogre now...
4509676
I feel you. Guess my patience has an expiration date that coincides with being too jaded by the disreputable trash that decides it's a worthy life-goal to fuck with people for no reason.
Celestia: “I’m so sorry for that.” She comes in and tries to defuse the situation.
Ambassador with a hole in the chest: "Tis but a scratch"
Eating ponies: Unforgivable crime
Eating talking cows, donkeys, griffin, minotaurs, etc... Ok, It´s cool
Because is not. Humans were never monkeys, we were, and still are, APES
Anyway, points for cuting Blueblood some slack: he may be a spoiled manchild, but not a malicious one, and Rarity behaved quite like a gold digger back in the Gala.
Good thing a guard didn't see that. After what those two overheard but didn't see the other day, they'd be completely convinced that they were doing it. From there poor Anon wouldn't be able to get any peace. From the main six to reporters, he'd have no time to himself.
4509701
Maybe you're an ape! *Sticks out tongue at you, then peels and eats banana*
4509701
Actually, we were never apes, or monkeys. We share a common relative with Apes, and the animal most like us is the chimpanzee, though we never actually were chimpanzees.
4509683 TL;DR version: Trolls :)
4509828
About sums it up, yeah!
4509739
try explaining that to a race that doesnt know much about evolution.
4509846
I know.
Story featured in the update spot again. Arguments are great for getting into the featured box!
Gee this story could use some editing. It's a very fun read though .
4509434
Let's start from the first one I can defend. "But Celesia kicked him" is answered with "But Celestia is his friend". My brother in law wrestled with his friends and family. And by wrested, I mean one time he apparently had his back gashed open because of a a fence somehow. Either way, that wouldn't be acceptable if some random non-friend did it. A friend did it, so it's more acceptable.
Also, I have no sympathy for Rarity. She essentially wanted to walk up to him, use his status because he was going to just instantly fall in love with her. She didn't care about him, she just wanted to be a princess. Seriously, that small character arc was her low point in my opinion. Was Bluebook right? No, his complaint was the wrong one. The thing he should have complained about was being seen as nothing more than a way to gain status.
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4509664
Damn, you took all the good ones.
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Celestia is love. Celestia is life.
4509910
I'm not going to go back over the argument and quote specific points, so I'll just reply with my thoughts to this post:
1) As for the whole "having antisocial personality disorder" (quoted because quote, not because I doubt you) and knowing others who do, MAN I feel for you. Pretty much the two most common mental illnesses in MLP fanfics are autism and ASPD (Is that the abbreviation? It'd be awesome if it was, you could be a portal gun), and speaking as a diagnosed autist who knows several others, I can definitely see the rage at people representing the illness completely wrong. Twilight Sparkle is actually pretty well written as far as autism goes, but the key to keep in mind is that she's a maladjusted autist, and is completely unrepresentative of the adjusted ones. Most characters are not so lucky.
2) As for the whole thing of people taking your posts the wrong way, people generally tend to read unornamented text with negative themes. There's a name for that effect, though it escapes me now. The easiest way to deal with it is simply emoticons. They help significantly, though, yes, it does look highly unprofessional. I would rather look unprofessional than like an asshole, though. Considering emoticons are often only 2 or 3 characters, it's a lot easier than scrubbing the content of every message. I'm lucky enough that my adjusting process made me very good with words, so I don't often have problems with being misunderstood (except humor. Nobody thinks I can make a joke, and my unintentional jokes are more popular than my intentional ones, but I've just learned to accept that).
Best of luck in your future endeavours! =D
As far as actual content for the story, I quite liked the chapter. Yeah, some of Anon's reasons are shallow, but I've disliked people for less. When I look further into it, I'm also not usually wrong in doing so. Though yeah, enemies is a bit of a strong word.
4509434
... I have a question for you...
Why is almost everything you say about stories here negative? I have never seen one praising comment from you anywhere on this site, and I'm pretty sure I know how to get around. What you're saying, as well, is that everyone in a story needs to be "prince perfect" and honestly, that would completely kill the story. And then you would complain about the story. You are obviously not trying to think about what you are saying and are just putting down as much hateful things about every little detail you see as possible.
... Why?
I really want to see more of this Blueblood, I may even use him in some of my own stories. Do you have a name for his disease or is it something you just came up with?