Hon hon hon I'm Le French trying to write in The English! Be prepared for mistakes and weird sentences constructions!
Apple Bloom has no memories of her parents. But that's okay, it's not like Applejack and Big McIntosh knew them that much either.
One day, though, Granny finds an old album, with all the photos of their parents. And Apple Bloom notices something.
Inspired by The Hand That Takes from TJ Pones. I got other ideas on the same theme as well, but this one was the first one that really interested me.
Cover by emmaniac.
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Oh my stars... That sweet Pear!
nice work
This was a sweet story. Considering the story I wrote about the Apple family, I'm always predisposed to interest in other takes on their family dynamic and backstories. I enjoyed the concept of finding an old photo album and Applebloom's heartbreak at once again realizing she never got to experience a connection to her parents was well done. I especially enjoyed her moment expressing how difficult it is to hear her friends talk about their parents, and how she just has to pretend it doesn't bother her. That felt very believable and heartfelt.
I do have some feedback and critique, if you're open to it. A couple grammatical things first. As I've learned in recent years, it's usually better to simply rely on using "said" instead of trying to use more interesting dialogue tags. I understand the temptation (trust me) and I've done it lots myself, but using phrases like:
In general prove to be more distracting than offering variety in the verbiage. I'm of the opinion that using tags like "asked" or "giggled" are fine when used sparingly, but technically, it should be "said with a giggle."
I also felt some of the dialogue and sentence structure to be a bit mechanical, and could be refined with a bit more editing. I'd love to see more flow and rhythm to the dialogue, and displays of affection between family members. You can use exposition as a chance to explain characters as well, two birds with one stone. As a personal taste thing, I enjoy when stories lean into the accents a little bit more, especially for characters like Granny Smith who speak with a pretty strong drawl.
I might tweak something like this that Granny Smith says:
Into something more like this:
Some people don't like the accent being incorporated into the written dialogue, and that's fine. It can be understood just fine with something like "She said with her characteristic drawl." It's a matter of taste. I just wanted to show how I'd go about it
As for prose and general descriptive text, I'd also suggest finding ways to more smoothly transition between sentences. Lead the reader from one thought to the next, and watch out for long interludes in the middle of sentences which can distract from the main subject. I'd take this:
And tweak it to this:
Bear in mind what is the purpose of every single sentence? What are you telling the reader? In that last example, you're describing her parents' appearances and personalities through the way they smile and hold each other. But, you're also reinforcing that Applebloom never got to experience it herself. Save that harsh reality for the end, when it can gutpunch the reader. Inserting the comment "Applebloom had heard" in the middle of another thought doesn't allow the reader to truly grapple with it. Saving this sad remark for the end, however, contrasts strongly against the happy and joyful previous sentences, and gives the reader a moment to ponder it.
Not really a criticism, but to me it was immediately obvious who the cousin truly was the second she was introduced. Her sudden appearance in the tree, the similar colours, the photo that all but perfectly matched the missing photo, etc. If this was your intention, for the reader to clue in right away, then well done. However, if you wanted to keep it as a bit of a reveal, it might require some reworking, such as having her approach from someplace else, saving the photo for a little later, and having a different colour scheme (maybe her colours could gradually change to match those of Pear Butter as the story progresses). In any case, just wanted to share that thought
Overall, it's a sweet story. It's really nice to see these thoughts of a character like Applebloom explored further and how even though she keeps a brave front, she feels lots of sadness inside. I hope you keep writing and further developing your skills!
P.S. I'd also consider changing the title to "Apples and Pears Bloom Together"
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Hi, thank you for your kind comment ^^ I'll go through it point by point.
I'm glad I added that at the last minute then ^^ (It's the only place where I somewhat used my own experience)
Advice I've seen on this seem to vary from one person to another, at least in English. I try to only use them when they add something to the story, instead of just clarifying who's speaking but maybe I'm overusing it. I've recieved comments about my dialogues not being clear enough recently, so those things really seem to be my bane XD Thank you still for the advice.
For the accent, the first draft had the first part entirely written with the accent, but I've stumbled on some articles that discourages it. When I was writing in french, I was confident in my ability to make a text that sounded peasant-like (I don't know how to say it in english, that's how we say it in french) and was even praised for writting an Applejack that reads like Applejack. But in english, I have to check every abreviation/deformation and I'm not even sure it sounds correct everytime, because my grammar-check tools can't help me for that. So, aside from the "g" at the end of "-ing" words that vanishes, the "Ah" instead of "I" and some other small stuff, I prefer to keep a normal spelling. Even though I would love to put an accent in it, if I was even capable of writing a correct one.
This follows into the flow of the text again. I think, sometimes, I just lack the vocabulary and a general understanding of the rythm. I try to say things out loud, and for the part you've quote, I had figured the "And Buttercup [...]" was a bit on the nose in terms of rythm. But I didn't know how to change it, and it's hard to know sometimes if it's just me imagining things or not. So, thanks to you, I know my feeling was right on that one.
And yeah, I have to work on my dialogues. Even for my books in French, it's still the thing I have to revise the most with my editor. I like your example.
And, if I had wanted to keep the cousin's identity a secret, I wouldn't have put Apple Bloom on the top of a tree where no one can appear like that out of nowhere. x) I think the story is better when you've already guessed it and you go through it, and everything just confirms it. It adds a bit of dramatical irony, we know something Apple Bloom doesn't. And also gives some implications. Apple Bloom would have really hurt herself, or even die, if she had fall. That's only why Pear was allowed to intervene, which is implied in the fact she can't stay for long. Even if the reader doesn't get the "she was allowed to intervene", her stating she can't stay for long explains why she never did it before. And I need to make it obvious at the end, because I know some people won't get it if it's not in their face (I did so many obvious twists back in the days, and half of my readers didn't see it coming. Some people just go through a story without thinking about it too much, so I have to write for them as well). So, with the "reveal", I'm certain everyone gets it, which is the whole point of the story.
For the title, well, I don't know. "Together" implies with someone, wereas "at the same time" is more like "around the same period"? (I might be wrong, English and all...) Which is a way of saying AB is still alone, but she got her CM at around the same age as her parents? Idk, I'm very weird with titles sometimes.
Anyway, thank you for your comment. I'll try to apply your advice for my next stories and chapter. Glad you've enjoyed it. Emotional stories are my roots and I felt like this one wasn't just... that great. So it's reassuring.
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I'm happy you found some of my feedback useful, and yes: a lot of writing is down to personal preference and style for sure. Regardless, it takes a lot of determination to not only learn a new language, but to write stories in it as well, so huge respect for that! Keep up the good work! 
If I can say, I never had any inclination that english wasn't your first language, so very well done!
As for the identity of the cousin, I definitely felt that I was supposed to know who it was pretty quickly, and I agree, knowing the identity made their interactions more meaningful. So well done there too