This is a collaboration piece with The Red Parade for the Scifi Contest.
When Strawberry Sunrise was eight years old, she watched as the sun blinked. It vanished for exactly four seconds, and Strawberry knew she had just seen the end of the world. Years pass, and the blinks get longer. Strawberry loses ponies to the blinks – loses ponies she loves. And she knows she cannot let it go on any longer.
Laotyn is tasked with watching the planet down below the great gas-ship Taelo. The primitive lifeforms are unevolved, bestial. But when Laotyn looks closer, when he strains his senses to really listen, he begins to think he can hear something that sounds almost like speech.
What a ride this was, reminds me of old school twlight zone
So, my understanding is that Strawberry sacrificed her life to destroy the alien ship, and this last chapter was her ghost going back in time (or maybe dreaming it up) to see her younger self?
My biggest problem is that the pony chapters were entirely too disjointed for me to really understand what was going on as a whole with them. At least not without going back to reread them.
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Yeah, that's right! We decided to tell Laotyn's storyline as going forward in time, and Strawberry's as going backward in time. It's intended to be a little confusing, and to benefit from re-reading if you want to. Thank you for reading it though
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Ah, that makes a lot of sense. I suppose I might try to give it another read at some point when I have more time.
wish i could say same
oof, definitely a solid reason to hate the sun
and oof. of course her life would flash before her eyes right before this moment, and beautifully so
what a poignantly relatable moment in such an alien context
and oof, what a different perspective such a life cycle would give this species about death
wonderfully creative work here! amazing job immersing us in a truly alien species and culture in so few words
and oof, beautiful way to sum up such a delicately poignant scene
a geocentric star system, huh? i’m no astronomer but i’m guessing there aren’t too many of those around…
what a wonderful contrast (or resonance?) with Laotyn’s feelings at the end of the previous chapter
and oof! whatever it is that is happening to the sun, i have no idea, but this description does a great job at making it feel like a literally cosmic horror. very intriguing!
hehe, love the cultural worldbuilding
what does this mean???
always simultaneously love and hate the horse puns
and oof, the guilt and grief all tumbling around each other. very dreamlike, i had to reread this chapter a few times
hehe, of course the ponies (i assume) would be the mysterious aliens to them! very intriguing, with hints at how the two narratives here will intersect, and that it may not be on a level that is literal and material
mid horse
this is quite a catchphrase that Strawberry has had her whole life, apparently
peeks at chapter titles
and, oof. that is quite the advanced level of self-blame
oof! love this
love this! literally grey-rocking
and love this shift in perspective, where sea level is “surface of the planet’s core”. really makes you think about anthropocentrism
what a distressingly relatable moment in such an alien context
wait til this guy hears about Changelings
so true actually we are fucked up
and, oof. after seven generations of waiting, too!
aww, very Rolling Thunder for her to be rolling around without half her limbs!
so true she is just a big red and yellow mystery
and of course you had to incorporate her Australianness into the themes somehow, amazing
so true
dang, burn on pegasi
aww, really love this species’s lens! of course the bright and varied colors of our beloved ponies would make them seem permanently of one mood to them, while we and the ponies would have to adapt to reading their colors instead of their facial expressions
so true, love the straightforwardness of pony naming conventions
ahahaha love this
and oof, that Cherry Berry’s balloon is the closest thing on Equestria to something that looks like Laotyn’s species must make its use of a flame even more eerie
love those dark wet circles
ehehe, really makes you think about the process of writing
and oof. that is how it seems to work out in the land of Harmony and magic…
and oof, so that is why he felt such dread in discovering the ponies
hoowee, there is a sad yet hilarious irony to this, love it
oh damn, by the reckoning of ponies, this guy’s first friend ever is Cherry Berry…
oof, that guilt and self-hate…
oof, horse depression
and oof, so many poignant contrasts to close out the scene. wonderfully crafted
oh hell yeah Luna’s in this!
and uh, i’m guessing this has something to do with what the story had to say about Luna earlier…
and, oof…
very understandable why Laotyn tried what he did. the story was just the wrong genre. and given its track record for bitter ironies, i’m guessing this is the idea of communication as an attack cutting both ways. loved the idea in Blindsight and i love it here
ooh, so that is why this Equestria has so much more advanced technology! and of course it was hinted at in previous chapters with cars being the hot new thing in a world that has rocket ships and space stations. love this idea
oof! and love how just these lines capture the personalities of these characters in Strawberry Sunrise’s life so far
so very Cheerilee
ahaha
oof…
and of course the mystery of what this “sun sickness” has been this whole time… possibly the result of Laotyn’s species trying to make contact with individual ponies? just beautiful stuff
and oof. Laotyn didn’t luck out in having Cherry Berry be the pony he talked to the most. he really needed a pony that was less grounded, if their efforts could have made a difference…
ah what a wonderful commentary on anthropocentrism! those assumptions do seem very silly when done by another species whose technological path was different from ours
love that Celestia’s majesty translates to even the most alien of species
so true, love Celestia
and oof, a painful realization too late…
so Strawberry Sunrise
oof, knowing how this ends…
oh yeah i’m sure the discovery of changelings ruined a lot of common story tropes!
oof…
and oof, so the sun blinking and sun sickness both predate Celestia and Luna’s deaths…
and augh… this really hits home for me.
dang, using her wings for that is extra rude! which is exactly what one would expect from Strawbs
extremely Strawbs
aww, they’re so mean! just straight-up bullies!
oh hey Sunset’s in this
and, oof… i wonder if this is something like the very magical-thinking way that Equestria’s sun works is tied to the ponies not actually knowing how astrophysics works. so the more they try to find out…
oh hey, Interstellar! though i like this version better
oof… this certainly does sound like the secular laws of physics reasserting itself over the ponies…
ah, sun sickness! and wow, that is really fucked up
and damn…
you have done such an amazing job with writing Laotyn here. what a beautifully tragic moment
and a beautiful, beautiful echo of the end of the previous chapter. there is a beautiful inscrutability here of what the adult Strawberry Sunrise was intending with these appearances to her younger self. maybe she is travelling backwards in time herself, and the previous chapter was her last, desperate attempt to lay the seeds in her younger self to save the world. but the paradox of changing the past and the Strawberry Sunrise of it all both converge… and this is her final moment in her past, resigned to the futility of it all, sharing one final moment with her younger self before everything goes wrong for her.
and quickly rereading the very first chapter here, oof. it was all there from the beginning. definitely worth a reread with the whole story in mind
i can’t even say that this was one of the best stories i have ever read on this site. this is one of the best stories i have ever read, period. and i find it difficult to find the words to express my feelings on it because it feels like nothing i write could really do this work justice. all i can say is that i am beyond honored to have this entry in this contest.
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Wow, thank you, Bike. That's high praise indeed, and I really appreciate it. Thank you for running the contest and inspiring the story!
Now for the ultimate test - between Red and I can you guess who wrote Laotyn and who wrote Strawberry?
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you wrote Laotyn and Red, the personification of cdn.discordapp.com/emojis/886641780068585502.webp?size=96&quality=lossless , wrote Strawberry?
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It wasnt that much of a challenge to guess tbh
Finally got round to reading this and I really really enjoyed it!
Spoilers btw
The only section I am struggling with is the connection of the sun disappearing - is it due to Laotyn's race's contact or Strawberry's time travel/flashback (or a third thing I haven't thought of). My poor reading comprehension is likely to blame, but I've been thinking about it all day and it's starting to drive me mad
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It's to do with Laotyn's ship passing between Equus and the sun once it's in Issia's orbit, but because the stories are in reverse chronological order and the two protagoists perceive time very differently it's not super clear. We were going to make it clearer in editing but the contest was ending so we sorta ran out of time
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Ah perfect, thank you!
Uh oh terracorming needed is gonna be a problem ponies might be able to work with it tho
above even everything else, the shape of this story’s narrative is so immensely gorgeous
a few questions sorry:
sorry that feels like a lot of questions
Fascinating, haunting work. Outstanding job in using the opposing temporal directions to establish the details, then bring them together once the two stories intersect. Thank you for a disquieting but incredible experience.
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Thanks so much for this comment, I really appreciate it.
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Thanks! Shas and I are very proud of this one ^^
It was an interesting decision to travel backwards in narrative with the ponies to underline how their time on Equestria was ending (a sunset) juxtaposing that against the traditional chronology of the aliens' time which in theory would be just beginning on Equestria (a sunrise)... assuming things work out....
Assorted Thoughts About Some Themes
Maybe someone else can expound more about this but there appeared to be a theme of words hurting but not speaking being a worse decision. (That theme appears to be in the very title of the tale, so I am fairly sure I am on the right path!) Laotyn not trying to communicate with anypony else probably doomed any chance at reconciliation and then by not speaking up at the end may have also doomed the colonist aliens.
There also seemed to be a theme of middling performance being key, although (if I was not reading too much into this point) maybe I missed some of its permutations or what the theme's payoff was supposed to be? In PS1- Strawberry graduated in the middle of her class and in Closer 2 she was mid-way through her schooling. And in the first chapter, she, the one who was least likely to use her talents, was the one who ended up having the star chapter rather than Luna or Celestia.
I am not sure if there is a deeper meaning in that all of the friend pony group has strong associations with red. Cherry, Strawberry, Blossomforth, Redheart, etc. Maybe someone else can sort that out.
Comments on Specific Chapters
- Fluorescence was a chilling chapter, especially realizing what happens in the first chapter!
- Dramatic irony... The Scintillation chapter confirmed the terror that readers know is coming.
- I see some entertaining play on the Pandemic era for inspiration in descriptions in "Waiting Room".
In Closing
This was a neatly wrapped traditional SciFi story that one could probably enjoy in a professional anthology from the 60s-90s. Thank you for sharing!
Comments shared because this piece was nominated for review here by a reader.
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Thank you for the review - you definitely picked up on a lot of the themes Red and I were trying to convey.