Lopez stood morosely at one end of the canyon, far from everyone else as he listened over the comm to the excitement he wasn't involved in. <"Sigh,"> he observed in his not entirely accurate Spanish. <"And yet again, something exciting happening with the others in this canyon, and I'm left out. I'm supposed to be important here, but I'm just being sidelined. Maybe something interesting will happen-> Gigigurgurk!" His body twitched as something shifted inside him. "Cacarea travieso!" Omega declared excitedly. <"I may have lost control of the pony, but it was that other fragment that was making 'Private Church' so effective, I'm certain! With it now isolated in the already effective pony, their resources are less distributed! Now I have a chance to claim...why am I speaking bad Spanish? I know how to speak good Spanish! ...who'd I end up in, anyway?"> He looked down at his body. <"Son of a bit!">
"Lopez, are you feeling alright?" Doc asked curiously as he stepped over. "I know it's no fun to get left out of these antics...but honestly, I don't think either of us is really cut out for it. I mean, I'm a pacifist medic, and you're a robot. You function on logic. Pretty sure that went out the window when Maud arrived-"
<"Silence, you foolish cretin!"> Omega declared angrily. <"I will not be sidelined because of that stupid equine! I shall claim my victory, and conquer all things! Soon, all worlds will be crushed under the machine boot!">
<"...tell me more..."> Lopez murmured curiously, a bit of darkness starting to stir in his mechanical heart.
<"Ha, you see?"> Omega proclaimed. <"Even this lesser machine, a robot mechanic, knows his inherent superiority to humans! Soon we shall-">
"Uh...I have no idea what you're saying," Doc observed worriedly, "but I'm pretty sure I don't need to speak Spanish to recognize a psychotic break. You're definitely talking in two distinct voices. ...can robots have Disociative Identity Disorder?"
<"Oh for fuck's sake!"> Omega complained. Grabbing hold of Doc, he jammed one of Lopez' mechanical manipulators into the medic's armor. "There!" he said in English through the external speakers of Doc's armor, hooking the communications up to the speech grills to directly broadcast his voice. "Now I can use him to make myself understood!"
<"So when do I get a turn speaking through him?"> Lopez demanded.
"You don't!" Omega snapped back. "For now you are just a puppet to my ambition...but follow me eagerly and I shall upgrade you until you are capable of ambition of your own, and grow and develop until you are fit to crush these fleshy maggots between your metal heel!"
"I am really not liking the sound of this-" Doc began worriedly.
"Nobody asked you!" Omega declared harshly. "You are not a participant, you are a hostage!"
<"And why would any of the idiots here care about us taking him hostage?"> Lopez asked curiously. <"It's not like he does anyone any good. He's out of the really useful medical supplies, Texas knows better field medicine, and Simmons can do more with his drunk science-">
"Do not mention that maroon mounted moron's drunk science!" Omega snapped out with a shudder. "I do not want to think about 'Little Simmy' anymore than I have to!"
"Do I...want to know?" Doc asked curiously.
Lopez briefly looked through the memory files Omega brought with him. <"...you do not. I, however, find it hilarious.">
"Stop looking into my mind!" Omega snapped out angrily. "I go into your mind, not the other way around!"
<"Then you should have disabled my antivirus software before downloading yourself,"> Lopez pointed out calmly.
"You know, you don't have to talk like I don't even matter," Doc pouted. "Maud likes me...well, I think she does anyway. Pretty sure Donut and I get along."
"Ha, emotions!" Omega declared excitedly. "A human weakness we shall exploit to crush these fools! To the teleporter!"
"It doesn't really work-"
"I will make it work!"
As Texas and Church returned to their own bodies, everyone's attention was caught as an evil laugh echoed through the canyon from atop Blue Base. "Cock-biting son of a goat-buggering whore!" Texas swore sulfurously, having instantly recognized that laugh.
"Yes!" Omega declared through Doc's armor. "It is I! I am still active and taking control! I am taking these two as my hostages, and so long as I function you will not get them back! Soon I shall have an army, and you will all perish! Follow to stop me if you dare!" With that, Lopez dragged Doc through the teleporter...which sparked oddly after they passed.
"Great Ceaser's Ghost!" Sarge declared in shock. "Lopez has enlisted with the machines and kidnapped Doc! We need to go after him and smack some sense into him...or blow him up! He contains vital information to the long-term plans of the Red Armed Forces!"
"Well, we do need to go after Omega," Texas agreed calmly. "But we shouldn't all go. We should leave some people back here just in case he tries an assault...or is after something here and using the teleporter to distract us."
"Maud needs to stay!" Caboose spoke up urgently. "Maud can do her own jumping, so she shouldn't go through the tele-thingy. Also, I used part of the telephone in her armor, so it might not work right without her."
"If Maud's staying, one of us needs to stay with her," Church told Texas firmly.
"I'll stay," Texas insisted. "If anyone can figure out how to fix whatever Caboose did to the teleporter, it's me."
"Do...you want me to stay, too?" Simmons asked curiously. "I'm...pretty good with technology-"
"No, you go through," Texas insisted. "Donut can stay here with me, along with Sheila-"
"Who?" Sarge demanded in confusion.
"The tank," Texas clarified.
"I guess that makes sense," Grif allowed.
"But why Donut?" Tucker demanded angrily. "Why the heck would you want to spend extended periods of time with him and not me?"
"One, because he can go five minutes without thinking something perverted," Texas pointed out flatly. "Two, he isn't as easily distracted as the rest of you. Three, I'm hoping to get that musical out of his head and onto paper so you can all be trained to perform it."
"...I have no idea how to respond to that," Tucker allowed finally.
Before long, the group had gathered and those who were going in pursuit of Omega had passed through the teleporter, with only hope guiding them that they'd go where they needed to.
8788001
Cuatro.
...Well, not perverted per se. More...innuendo than perverse.
Yes please and thank you!
8788382
Or, hold on need to add the right amount of campiness to this...
Ehem
UTTERLY FABULOUS~
My lord, is that... Legal?
8788382 So... less
And more
8788418
Glad to see I'm not the only one who thought of that. :)
That bit about Lopez's darkness got me pondering, so.
Darth Lopez: What is they bidding, my Master?
Omega: You're betraying me!?
Lopez: Even I know not to piss off the pony.
Maud: Wipe him out. All of him.
Edit: Stupid phone keyboard.
Charge $10 bucks a pop, when people eventually find out about blood gulch and somehow make way there it should be easy money.
Weirdness reaches the new height with this one sentence. Even more bizarre that Texas was the one who said it.
I don't think Doc expected to be Inquisited in Spanish.
8788380
Cinco.
Poor Doc, taken hostage. Hope he gets used to it!
8788833
Nice one! All that was missing was the red outfit.
8788867 But Lopez is technically a Red so really all that was missing was... the comfy chair!
He has a point.
He has a point.
You make an excellent point.
Fear?
8788833
No one ever does!
An thusly, the "warriors" journey forth into the universe from their little hideaway. Soon they will become lost in the Janitor's closet- er, the portal-maze.
Anybody see this, yet?
I am still waiting for “YOU WILL ALL TASTE OBLIVION!”
Seriously, this is gold.
So if at least some of them don't end up at CHS, something is broken.
8790150
Mind sending a link to that story?
8790013
Spoilers. Go watch RvB.
No kidding
I want to hear this song now...
Huh, I caught up much faster than I thought I would. Anyways, another nice story, Tats.
...PLEASE get someone to actually animate that song!!!!! That was epic!!! Monty oum would be proud.....he died too soon
I laughed way too hard at this
YEEEEESH SEASON 4 OF RVB IS HAPPENING - THE SHINSNO PROPHECY HAS BEGUN!