AMICITAS FLIGHT THREE – MISSION DAY 128
ARES III SOL 129
Mark sat and read the message on his computer. While the crew of Amicitas had all gone to the cave farm the day before (Cherry, Dragonfly and Spitfire to farm, Starlight and Fireball to mine crystals), he’d spent the day using up another CO2 filter, disassembling control panels on the MDV in his space suit. The disassembly had revealed damage not previously visible, and so he’d taken photos and sent them back to Earth. Now he was examining the revised procedures to either repair or bypass the broken electrics so that power could be safely restored to the MDV.
Absorbed as he was in reading the detailed instructions and writing them down in tiny letters on one of the few remaining sample box labels, he didn’t notice the two ponies next to him until the second time Starlight tapped him on the knee. Blinking, he looked over at them. “What is it, Starlight?” he asked carefully.
Starlight pointed a hoof at Spitfire, who stood next to her. “Spitfire wants to tell you something,” she said, her words spoken deliberately but not stilted. “And she wants you to listen, so she asked me to translate for her.”
Mark frowned, turning on his stool to face the ponies. “Okay,” he said. “What is it?”
Spitfire’s slightly raspy voice rattled off a soft, calm-voiced stream of pony language. Mark caught bits and pieces of it, but not enough to make it a clear message.
“Spitfire says that you treat her- that you treat all of us- like little children,” Starlight said in English. “You don’t give us the respect we deserve. She’s tried hinting at this, and she’s even said it straight, but you don’t seem to listen.”
Mark nodded, gesturing at Spitfire to continue.
Spitfire said a bit more.
“How many decisions do we get to make?” Starlight translated, a little less calmly. “When do you stop explaining everything to us, like a teacher and a school… school…”
“Schoolgirl?” Mark suggested automatically. “Schoolfilly maybe?”
Spitfire jabbed a hoof at him. “That! THAT!” she barked, followed by rapid-fire pony talk that took Starlight several seconds to silence.
“I think you got that?” she asked, once Spitfire subsided a little.
“Yeah,” Mark nodded, “I got it.”
Spitfire returned to the calm tone of before, but Mark could hear that it was a forced calm. He’d had experience determining the various tones of pony-speak. They weren’t that different from human tones, if you worked around the whinny vowels and the snort consonants.
“You don’t have to teach us like you would children,” Starlight continued. “We may not all speak your language well, but we understand enough of it that we don’t need baby talk anymore.”
“Aa, aa, aa,” Spitfire added mockingly.
“Right,” Starlight said. “We’re all tired of that at this point.”
Spitfire waved a hoof around the Hab and continued her soft words, soft words which were about one small provocation from becoming a rant.
“And it’s not just the teaching,” Starlight continued. “How much are we trusted around here? We can open the doors and work the microwave, we can answer email and watch television. And that’s it. We teach you all about our ship. When are you going to teach us about your Hab? Your rover? Your anything?”
Mark nodded. The ponies had a point.
Spitfire pointed to herself and talked. A plaintive tone crept into the words.
“Spitfire is the oldest of us here,” Starlight continued. “She’s new to space, but she’s a responsible adult. She’s a leader back home. She can understand things. She can take care of herself, if you’d just let her.”
Spitfire’s last sentence came out very softly.
“What will it take,” Starlight said slowly, “for you to treat me like I know what I’m doing?”
Mark gave an inquisitive look at Starlight.
“That’s mostly what she had to say,” Starlight said. “Most of us have similar concerns. Dragonfly doesn’t mind how you treat her, and you and I went to Pathfinder. But the others, yes. And me a little bit.”
Mark took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m not a good teacher.” He looked at Spitfire and continued, “I’m not a pilot. I’m not an officer. I’m not even a medic, beyond the emergency training I had. You and I don’t have much in common.”
Spitfire tilted her head, looking a little confused.
“The problem is, I don’t know how to treat you,” Mark said. “If you were human and we spoke the same language, it’d be easy. We’d know how to talk to each other.” He sighed and added, “But you’re not human. You’re the first aliens my species have ever met. Do you know how important that is?”
“I learn,” Spitfire said haltingly. “I learn how talk to you.”
Mark shook his head. “Not the same thing,” he said. “You’re learning a language. That’s just words. But how do I use my words to talk to you?” He held out a hand. “What is a joke? What is an insult? What’s allowed, and what isn’t?” He sighed. “You girls should have had a diplomat, or an anthropologist, or at least a doctor, to meet. What you got was a guy who grows plants and fixes doorknobs.” He put a hand on each pony’s shoulder and added, “You are the single most important thing that’s ever happened to my species. Ever. And I don’t know how not to fuck it up.”
Spitfire’s eyes brightened a little. “What means ‘fuck’?” she asked.
“Ahhh, ah-ah-ah!” Mark admonished, holding up an index finger. “Not fair! Do you want me to treat you like an adult or not? You just said-“
“How I going learn English if you not say?” Spitfire stumbled angrily over the words.
“And how do I teach you without talking down to you?” Mark snapped, equally frustrated.
“You- you- you… you do!” Spitfire stumbled. “You only do! Not hard! I teach all time home! Teach adult pony be best flies!”
Mark couldn’t help squirming. “Starlight, help me out here,” he said.
Starlight rolled her eyes and said something in Pony, in which the word ‘fuck’ popped up three times.
This didn’t calm Spitfire. “Why you tell Starlight and not me?” she demanded.
Mark rubbed his eyebrows just above the bridge of his nose. “We were in the rover for three weeks,” he said. “I watch my mouth around you guys, but it slipped out.”
Starlight added something in Pony to explain it.
Spitfire raised an eyebrow. “Watch mouth?” she asked. “Watch what you say? Why?”
“Didn’t you hear- no, wait.” Mark took a deep breath and forced himself to marshal his thoughts. “You know buck and other pony bad words, right? Do you say them in front of big shots- important people?”
“What? No!” Spitfire said. “Wrong! Not place! Not respect!”
Mark slid off his stool and knelt down to put himself at eye level with Spitfire. “For humans, right now, you five are the most important people in the universe,” he said. “And you’re here in my Hab. I’m responsible for you. I have to keep you healthy and happy-“
“You not-mmff!”
Starlight kept her hoof pressed hard into Spitfire’s muzzle. “Why are you responsible?” she asked over Spitfire’s protests. “We’re just as able to take care of us as you are.”
“I’m responsible because you’re in trouble and I can help you,” Mark said simply. “You’re stuck here on Mars. In my Hab. In my universe. Nobody else is here to help you. And you might die if I don’t. Even if you were humans from Earth, I’d still be responsible.” He added in a solemn tone belied by the corner of his mouth that kept turning up, “With great botany comes great responsibility.”
Spitfire went silent, and Starlight took her hoof off her mouth. “I sorry,” she said once her mouth was unplugged. “I not-“
“No, don’t apologize,” Mark said. “I fucked up- I mean I bucked up.” He let out a long breath of air. “The question is, where do we go from here?”
The three stood and thought about it in silence.
[11:51] WATNEY: Guys, I need some advice. I think I’ve gone about as far as I can with English lessons for my friends here. Starlight and Dragonfly are almost fluent, and the others aren’t getting any better than they were. What can you do for English as a second language classes for adults? (Those last two words are important, guys.)
[12:05] JPL: We’ve had that problem on the back burner for a while, Mark. Do you want us to make it a priority?
[12:20] WATNEY: Please. We need to bring the other three up to speed on English, or else we humans all need to learn how to write and speak a language where we can’t pronounce at least three vowels and four consonants.
[12:35] JPL: Okay. We’ll have something for you in a few days. Right now we need to focus on getting the MDV powered up for flight sims. Any progress on that?
[12:50] WATNEY: Morning repairs got hijacked by a parent-teacher conference. I’m ready to go out and get to work now.
[13:05] JPL: I have one suggestion, Mark. How do the ponies like Potter?
[13:21] WATNEY: They put up with it. Starlight’s divided between “Magic doesn’t work like that” and taking notes on the whiteboard. Spitfire makes me re-read all the quidditch chapters. Fireball hated Hagrid at first, but now he kind of likes him, even if he calls him Hagrid P. Coltrane half the time. Dragonfly… I don’t know if Dragonfly really likes it or is pretending for my sake. Cherry Berry is kind of bored with it.
[13:36] JPL: Have them take turns reading aloud. Don’t correct them. Let them correct each other.
[13:51] WATNEY: I’ll try it, if you think it’ll work.
[14:04] JPL: It worked for my kids. Get back to work, Mark.
nice chapter mate. Keep up the good work.
That's actually a good idea for learning English. And Sorcerer/Philosopher's Stone is a pretty good way to help them.
If Spitty wants swearwords go through that alphabet exercise... with insults/curses.
I'm not allowed to do it anymore but it's actually a lot of fun because you have to really think for some of them.
Imagine the Wonderbolts introducing quidditch in Equestria
When I was teaching English to Japanese adults, I was instructed to have my students talk to each other in English as much as possible. It was basically a conversation class - I would set the topic, and the students would talk to each other in English. Invariably somebody would question a grammar or vocabulary use and then that would be a short mini-lesson; then back to the conversation class.
8811782
Isn't Buck Ball pretty much pony Quidditch?
As DWK PUTS it.
spitfire back on your own world, and this may come as a bit of a shocker, you are neither a good leader nor do you not talk down to people, on the contrary you talk down to pretty much everyone, and you are by far one of the least qualified leaders in the series. honestly your opinion of your teammates is borderline on dangerous for your situation and i'd like to know what flight psychologist green lighted you for the crew.
8811806
What flight phsycholigist?
These six are reminding me of the squad from the first Mass Effect game.
Fireball = Wrex
Starlight = Liara
Dragonfly = Tali
Mark = Commander Shepard
Spitfire = Garrus
Cherry = Joker
So far, so good, sorting things out.
Roll D100 for Pathfinder to keep working?
Wonder if someones going to ask about sending one of those 100 minerals collections, the pure crystal representations, for Starlight to do magic infusion analysis on them? Especially if they can get one of the two pseudocrystal minerals that were discovered?
Wow, this was really quite the chapter. After hearing the buildup from all quarters of the pony crew, especially Spitfire, it was tremendous to hear it all from Mark's side, and how seriously he was taking it and doubting himself in that respect just as much as Spitfire or Cherry. And he handled it incredibly well.
This was lovely, especially having it come from Starlight rather than Spitfire directly, with how the latter tends to sit on the sidelines of the pony crew, opposite Fireball. Nice to see they appreciate her too, especially after the criticism to Dr. Shields six days before
I really like how Mark gave the perfect speech, showing all the frustrations and pitfalls, and the absence of ideal solutions, and then accidentally added a step in the right direction in the form of teaching Spitfire what she'd been asking to learn for days
I think this should say Starlight, rather than Spitfire?
...I had this at the bottom of the page before scrolling down to see the next paragraph, and for a fleeting moment, I thought Mark kissed her
Everyone in the comments guessed that she'd complain about magic, but veering between that and taking notes is a great touch
Also, I think Spitfire may be the first being in history to actually enjoy the Quidditch scenes
8811811
i mean the psychologist that a crew would normal visit pre-flight, but i guess they didn't do that here, wonder who'd have been that negligent *glares at twilight*
Watch as Starlight comes up with her own versions of spells from Harry Potter. Only better.
8811841 To be fair, if CSP had hired a psychologist none of them would ever be cleared for flight.
8811853
To be fair, I don't think any ponies would be cleared for flight. They all have those little quirks that wouldn't allow it.
Yay, rational discussion for conflict resolution! You have no idea how happy this makes me.
8811831
You know, I like Spitfire. I really do, but history from the show, has her being far from a responsible adult.
8811851
Since Starlight already figured imperio, next is crucio and avada kedavra
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8811893
RIP Twilight
and my sides.
8811868 It helps when you have a friend willing to shove her hoof into your mouth when you're about to go off the rails.
8811853
yes but so far a lot of the problems they've had have been do to lack of imagination on the ponies end. anyway i still hope someone takes spitfire asides and deals with this superiority complex of hers before she ends up pulling a fireball.
8811880
In the show, it's almost like she's a child's interpretation of a responsible adult.
Think about it: from a little kids POV, adults often seem to have no reason for saying or doing what they do, usually only saying "because I said so" when questioned, and certainly never explaining themselves in detail.
The difference is that we can look at how an adult interacts with a child and see exactly what the point is - teaching safety, respect, responsibility, etc. But with Spitfire, it's just the behaviour with not a whole lot to justify it - just like a kid sees an adult.
8811806 What you say may be true, but unless the story is meant to ridicule or address those issues, most authors will just happily pretend they don't exist. And for the sake of story diversity, most people are totally okay with that.
Here are some very common 'modifications' to canon:
- The royal guard aren't completely useless
- The princesses don't always get their knocked on their asses in the first round
- Spitfire didn't try to backstab Soarin in Rainbow Falls
- The princesses actually have important shit to do
8811880 I really like that about her, that she's this awkward in-between. On the one hand she's the superstar athlete with super-pony drive, who got where she is by throwing everything she had at the competition, to give her all to win at the expense of all else. And, quite possibly, something of a party animal. And then on the other, that fire has taken her so far that she's now in charge of others, and the very attributes which put her there massively conflict with some of the requirements of that new role.
Some of that might be fanon or reading between the lines, though - I think the only time we see something really impressive in her physical performance is when she's neck and neck with Rainbow Dash in Equestria Games (Rainbow being established as the fastest pegasus in Equestria, if I remember rightly - "You're the best flier we've ever had"). Even that is after Rainbow has made up for the time lost by Fluttershy and Bulk against Soarin and Fleetfoot, so she's still faster, but in the shot where we see them, they're equally matched in speed. And twice we see Wonderbolts at swanky parties, though neither time is it shown to be particularly wild. You'd kind of hope so, though?
So yeah, I think it's probably more fair to say that she's used to being trusted with responsibility rather than has always acted responsibly.
Wish I could tune in to that, but I work nights. Reading and typing on the phone is one thing, but a broadcast? No can do.
The chapter... hmm... Awkward but necessary, and it went as well as could be expected. Of course, it's also the least tricky of the interpersonal issues at hand. Dragonfly is the scary one... See ya next time!
I know that ponies do something like this regularly in the show, but taking into account the fact that ponies use their hooves for walking and the current state of Hab's floor, I must point out: Eww!
I'm not sure if I completely understand this bit where Mark makes the suggestion of "Schoolgirl" or "Schoolfilly"? How, exactly, was that treating Spitfire and them like children...? Mark saw that Starlight was having trouble coming up with the right word, and he offered help. That's not treating someone like a child, that's giving a helpful suggestion on a subject (a different language) that they don't know. I don't think Mark was being condescending there, nor was he treating them "like children". In other chapters, sure, he kind of was, but not then. So I think Spitfire's outburst was uncalled for.
But then, and I'm just thinking about this now, maybe that's the point? Showing that Spitfire is chomping at the bit over it? Iunno. That particular part annoyed me because I don't think Mark was talking to them like children right there.
8811950
Well the only thing I could think of was Starlight master boop.
you would think there would be some comment on the unicorn hair wands, and the whole killing and drinking unicorn blood that are in that first Harry Potter book.
8811853
To be extra fair, If they had a psychologist, it would probably just be Occupant, who would sign of anyone. We know how much he likes approving things.
8811936
I think I'm going to have to disagree on point #4 there. That cake isn't going to eat itself, you know.
8812016 With the presence of Discord in the show, I would not rule out a self-eating cake.
Did they completely miss the point?
8811956 The important thing is that Spitfire feels like it's talking down. She's got hypersensitive on the issue.
8811976 "Master Boop"? That's a thing for ponified Legend of Zelda.
8811984 The CSP Equestria has horror movies and murder mysteries.
8812044 Venkat's an administrator, not a teacher, but he does have kids.
8812016
8812044 They don't need to know that. Besides, half-assed solution that is immediately applicable is better than wait who-knows-how-long until the alien-friendly curriculum is ready. I wouldn't put it past Venkat to have intentionally used it as a joke, either.
8811920
Quidditch would be fun for Peggasi...
But you"d need to kill the snitch and seeker position with it. It just devolves into a 2 man game of catch the golden golf ball.
There is no reason for the Seeker position to even exist outside of providing a narrative to put Harry in an important position. As a team game, it places too much emphasis and value on the snitch to even value the other players on the team outside of an absolute landslide. Most games End with the one who catches the snitch winning it for the team, the end. If the game is short, or close, the end.
Oh, dear, sorry about your health; I hope you feel better soon.
8812173 The snitch does, however, make every game extremely tense because it could, in theory, end at any moment, locking the audience in a perpetual state of overtime. This is great fun for the audience, so instead of getting rid of the snitch, make two changes:
1. Have the snitch start out far too fast to ever catch and get slower over time. This way the tension is kept while also making it almost impossible for a game to end too early or too late.
2. Cut the value by 90%. A snitch worth 15 points is both a guaranteed tiebreaker and a way for the team who's slightly behind to pull a win at the last second without making the rest of the game pointless. The two seekers will alternate between trying to catch the snitch themselves and preventing their opponent from doing so based on how the rest of the game is going.
I really hope they put copies of the Avatar: The Last Airbender and Kora on the supply ship. I feel like it would be good for them.
8812173
It works significantly better in the books. For one thing, they actually have examples of matches where teams behind by more than 150 points still catch the snitch and as a result lose: the World Cup final in Goblet of Fire and an off-page school match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff in Order of the Phoenix. In these examples, the losing teams (Bulgaria and Gryffindor- the latter example took place after Harry, Fred, and George were kicked off the team by Umbridge) realized they had no hope and wanted to save face at least a little. However, the main thing the book has that the movies don't to justify the snitch is that the school tournament is a cumulative-point championship rather than the World Cup's more typical elimination tournament. In the books, each pair of teams plays each other exactly once, for a total of three matches per team, and whoever scores the most points across all those matches wins. In such a tournament, it's actually possible to win the title even if you lose all your matches, provided your matches were much higher-scoring than the other teams'. This comes up in Prisoner of Azkaban, where Wood repeatedly reminds Harry prior to their final match that he can only catch the snitch if Gryffindor is up by more than 50 points (meaning they win by more than 200), as otherwise they'll win the match but still lose the title.
8812326
Even in the books, I always considered the seeker position to be garbage. Again, too much emphasis on one player as the 'hero'.
8812205
Agreed... It's the 150 points that are the problem. Frankly it'd be an obnoxious position to play: everyone else is chasing a ball or each other while you're looking for a ping pong sized jerkass enchanted thing that hates you... while trying not to get clobbered by the other team, who also hate you because your role is OP.
Scale down the points, a lot, and it's another matter. At 15, you even have the possibility of being the goat. You're down by 10, about to be the hero, you catch the snitch! But oh crap, half a second before you did they scored... They're up 20, you get 15... and end the game with a loss. Now there's a Sportscenter highlight. Much more exciting and interactive. ...Email Rawling... I'm not sure she knows how to sports...
8811851
Book 6: Ask Zecora if there's a pony equivalent to Liquid Luck. Maybe that will provide the dimensional address of Mark's hairless monkey universe.
8812268
Well rll leave out Kora waste of space
8812098
this is awesome as always but i like to ask they should see mythbuster when the prob come to them, that show make people ask about lot of things like what is true and what is not
"I need second language classes for adults. Those last two words are important."
"Try this, it worked for my kids."
I know that's not how it was meant and that the idea is reasonable, I just find it funny to spell it out like that.
I'm thinking you meant to put a linebreak where that asterisk is, but forgot?
Other than that, great chapter as always! Hopefully Spitfire grateful for the sample of our foul language, and honored by Mark's (stated) reason for avoiding using it around the ponies...
Just Ponika
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