Being a bully may just be a cover for how she really feels. The feeling of not being able to be herself.
Diamond Tiara is not all that she appears to be. Being a bully may just be a cover for how she really feels. The painful feeling of not being able to be herself and only a sketchbook knows the true her.
My eyes open slowly but soon become clear, the morning ritual of looking around as if I forgot where I fell asleep. It’s another day waking up in this horrible room with tiaras and expensive toys covering the floor. I hate this room I thought as I always did as I awoke. Lavender walls with white stripes that flow up and down surround me, as light pink drapes covering the early morning sun. But even in the sunrises’ weak light I see this disgusting room. I hate myself for allowing my parents to decide how my room was going to look when we moved in.
It's Wednesday, time to get up. I crawled out of bed and walk over to my night stand as take a hard look at myself in the mirror. I see my purple and white mane, messy of course. I do a little shake and the waves of my mane are perfect once again.
Then I see my crust covered blue eyes still red and droopy from the effects of waking up. I walk over to the bathroom to wash my face and again look at myself in the bathroom mirror but all I see is a frown. I look down at myself to find my flank; the paint has smeared once again.
I wipe off the remaining paint to see nothing, but a blank flank. I walk back into my room to find my stencils I’ve been using for the past months. A stencil of a tiara, just as my father and mother wished I had. I bite onto a paintbrush and begin repainting the design, I’ve grown so used to this patter I can refresh it in a matter of minutes.
I place the stencils in a specific position, one where I lay on my side to press on the stencil to my right flank then roll over to press on my left flank. One I lay long enough I stand to let the paint dry, it only takes about five minutes before I don’t have to worry about it smearing for at least 2 days unless I get wet in some way.
I walk over to my night stand once again and look at myself, what am I missing? Oh yes, of course, that horrid tiara.
I look to the ground and find one that looks like I haven’t worn it in a while, according to fashion you can’t wear the same thing too often. I place it on my head and look in the mirror again. I do a little turn to see myself in all angles and feel disgusted.
Lying about my cutie mark, living this lie… “Oh Diamond dear! Come down for breakfast! It’s almost time for school!”
I sigh, “Yes mother!”
I grab my bag that I use for school; inside I place paper of course for class notes, a tiara to continue the show of my 'talent.' I walk into the deepest part of my closet and grab my current sketch book, where I keep my doodles, my paintings, the truth; and also grab some water colors and brushes and place them at the bottom of my bag.
Down stairs I sit at the table, in front of me a breakfast consisting of a waffle with a strawberry on top with a glass of orange juice, courtesy of my mother.
“Thank you mother, it looks delicious”
“Well it tastes even better dear” she says with her back turned to me as she washed dishes.
I nod and begin to eat, i'm not very hungry this morning but I'll eat it anyways, for my mother.
My father comes down from upstairs and sits across from me at the table. He says the usual ‘good morning’ and picks up his newspaper and begins to read. I hate this paper that hangs between us but then I see what’s written on this week’s edition.
All artists from around Equestria! Come join us this Saturday for the Art extravaganza of the year!Thrown once a year, this art gathering brings ponies from all around, with all different mediums to show off what they’ve got! Young and old ponies; new school and traditional art will be showcased. Also a filly completion, the winner will get to go to one of the most accredited art schools in all of Canterlot! Come join us in Ponyville!
I happened to have crawled onto the table while I was reading, my jaw dropped, art school!
I returned to my seat
“Daaaad! May I see the paper once you’re done with it?”
He lowered the paper to allow one of his eyes to look at me curiously, “Of course Diamond, but can I ask why you have such an interest in the paper this morning?”
“Nothing! Can I just have the paper?”
“Umm, Sure” he folds the paper and hands it to me
Once it touches my hoof I open it up to read the front page one again to see if I misread any information.
“YES!” I squeal in excitement
“What is it darling?” My father asked and begins to peak at what I’m reading
“Noooothing!” I say annoyed, “I’m going to school now.”
I jump off my seat with my plate empty and stuffed the paper into my bag and walked to the front door and opened it.
“Thank you for breakfast mother! I love you two! I’ll see you after school”
I slam the door and I could hear my parents’ voices behind me, asking each other what I was so interested in as well as why I left in such a hurry.
I sighed and headed off to school, but my head is filled with ideas at the moment. What will I paint for this competition? Do they want something specific? Do they have an ideal medium? The questions were endless but I loved it.
I swear I had a skip in my step thinking of the possibility of me going to an art school, something I’ve always wanted.
“Heeey! Diamond Tiara!”
I clicked out of my little day dream to find Silver Spoon in front of me
“Heey Silver Spoon!” and we proceed to do our special hoofshake.
“You’re look especially happy today!”
“Suure, I’m just happy I haven’t had to deal with any blank flanks this morning” I said with a smirk
“Of course! Gosh you’d think ponies would find they’re special talent by now!” She continued my teases.
We walk and laugh together as we always do in the morning as we walked to the schoolhouse.
All I have to do I get through class until recess, then I can sneak off and read the rest of the article.
“Diamond! Are you even listening to me?” Spoon sounded agitated
“huh?! Yes I’m listening!”
“Well look then!” She said with a smile, pointing her hoof at ‘the crusaders’, as they called themselves. “It’s the blank flanks! This should be fun.”
Finally! An outlet, please allow me to let my anger out! I can see them, the crusaders talking to each other with smiles on their faces. Time to start the daily routine of making them feel just as pathetic as I do.
“Hey Blank Flanks!” I said as I walked up to the crusaders.
“What are your great ideas for finding your cutie marks today, hmm blank flanks?” Silver Spoon said with a touch of sarcasm.
“Hey! If you’re not interested don’t ask!” Scootaloo yelled and fluttered up to us in frustration.
“Yeah, I don’t understand why you girls have to do this every day; can’t you just take a day off?” Sweetie Belle said as she walked up.
“What we really are interested, maybe you guy will get your cutie marks today!” I said with a grin
“Wow, ya really think so?” Apple Bloom said with a smile
Wow how naive can you be?
“Well of course we think so; there must be a cutie mark for being a failure!” I said with a giggle and Silver Spoon joined me
“BACK OFF!” Scootaloo yelled as Apple Blooms face became saddened and a tear fell.
“What I’m just being honest! You girls need to accept the truth! Your constant search for your cutie marks is pathetic! ”
“I swear Diamond Tiara, if you weren’t…” Scootaloo was in my face
“Weren’t what? Better than you?!” I glared into her eyes.
“Girls! Can I ask what’s going on here?” Miss Cheerilee ran up and stood between me and Scootaloo
We stayed silent for a while, Silver Spoon looking at me, probably worried we would get in trouble.
“They were making fun of us again, Miss Cheerilee!” Apple Bloom was the first to speak up.
“Oh, now girls we’ve talked about this many times. No bullying or else I’ll have to give you both detention and I don’t want to do that girls, do you understand?”
“Pssh! Wow Miss, oh no! Not detention.” I said with a smile. maybe if I push her enough, I’ll get some alone time to draw.
“Diamond Tiara! Do you really want detention?” Miss Cheerilee gasped
“Of course not Miss, I wouldn’t want to be stuck inside during break.”
“Good, that’s what I thought.”
“Of course Miss, I wouldn’t want to lose my chance to pick on the blank flanks!”
Miss Cheerilee gasped once again.
“Diamond, you’re pushing it too far!” Silver Spoon whispered to me in a worried tone.
Even the Crusaders looked at me astonished of the way I was acting. Miss sighed and gave me a displeased look. I didn’t faze me though, I’ve seen a worse displeased face.
“Diamond Tiara, I’m sorry to say but you have detention today, you won’t be getting recess and instead will stay in the School house.” She says with a stern look “Also we were going on a little field trip today during recess, so you’ll be missing out. And I want you to apologize to these girls, now.” She points to the three blank flank ponies.
Yes! More free time, they just might be gone for more than an hour! That’s enough time to sketch some ideas out.
I almost showed my smile of glee but realized I need to complete my trouble making.
“Fine, I didn’t want to go to that field trip anyways! Oh yes, I’m sorry Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo” I said as I lowered my head to make it look sincere. “It’s not my fault you ponies are soo pathetic!” I laughed and turned away.
“Miss Tiara! That’s enough! Inside now!” Miss raised her voice at me and began to walk to the school house. That’ll make sure she won’t get the idea that I’ve learn my lesson.
Behind me I could hear Miss Cheerilee comforting the crusaders as well as tell Silver Spoon to apologize as well. Everyone began to enter the school house and Silver Spoon finally caught up to me.
“Wow, I think that was a little too far Diamond.”
“Oh really? You think?” I said sarcastically, She gets so annoying when she starts listening to her feelings.
“Yeah, I mean you made Apple Bloom cry today; maybe we do need to take a day off from bulling them, just so we stay out of trouble.”
“We? Only I was the one who got in trouble! Not you! You’re too soft Silver Spoon!”
“What’s wrong with you today Diamond?! Now you’re going to pick on me?!” She ran off into the school house and left me walking by myself. Good, now she won’t try to stay with me in detention.
I took my seat which was one seat away from Silver, though she didn’t even look at me. The rest of the class took their seats as well, when Miss Cheerilee entered. The crusaders flowed behind her looking depressed, but took their seats with Apple Bloom sitting next to me.
We continued to our lesson which was about nature, flowers and the whole ‘circle of life’ concept. I wasn’t paying attention much. Sitting behind somepony gave me the perfect cover to begin drawing out some ideas. I drew a pony in space floating in space.hmm no, I need something to show off my talents. I scratched it away and began drawing on a new paper. This time a beautiful pony in a garden YES! This is it! It’ll show off my attention to detail with the many flowers, and if I add some detail to her dress, it’s the perfect idea.
“Wow Diamond Tiara, that looks really pretty” Apple Bloom made my heart race with that whisper. I looked to see her leaning over my shoulder.
“Mind your own business blank flank!” I quietly yelled making sure no other pony was listening. I scowled at her as I tried to cover my drawing as much as possible.
“Gee I was just trying to be nice, it really is pretty.” She said as she leaned back into her seat looking defeated once again.
I moaned and put my drawing away Wow she liked it, I knew it was the perfect idea! Ugh wait, why do I care what she thinks. I put my head in my hooves as I waited for recess to come and I could finally get some alone time.
"Okay class, time for recess! As well as a Special field trip I prepared for you all!"
The class cheered happily and began talking to each other, ‘where do you think we’ll be going?’ ‘I hope its somewhere we can get something to eat!’ ‘I love field trips!’
Even Silver Spoon was talking about how excited she was and I saw her look at me and silently turn away. She was still mad, good.
I watched as my class mates began to leave the class room, it seemed the Crusaders were not very happy about the field trip; it seemed Apple Bloom especially had a frown on her face.
I cleaned off my desk and waited for Miss Cheerilee to tell me where I’ll have to be or detention.
Miss Cheerilee walked to the door and held the door open as she told the rest of the ponies to wait outside, once I was the only one left in the room she walked up to me.
“So, Miss Diamond Tiara.”
“Yes, Miss Cheerilee?”
“Well I was wondering if you would like a second chance and be willing to come on the field trip with us today.”
“A second chance? Really Miss?”
“Well yes, I know you didn’t really mean those harsh words earlier, and I’m willing to turn the other cheek.” She said with a smile, it annoyed me.
“And what would I have to do? Apologize once again?”
“Something as simple as that.”
“Then the answer is ‘no.’” By this time Miss Cheerilee’s face became a little frustrated and she looked at me with narrow eyes.
“But, Diamond Tiara, please reconsider”
“No! I meant what I said!” I cut her off and stomped my hoof on my desk.
She sighed and turned away from me.
“Very well then Miss Tiara, you’ll be staying here then until we return. You must stay inside the building at all times and I suggest you take the time to think about your words and how they affect others.” she walked away and left the school house.
I sat quietly and waited until I heard the laughter and chatter of ponies fade away.
“FINALLY!” I jumped out of my seat and stretched, “Time to get some art done!”
I took out my sketch book and pencil and walked up to Miss Cheerilee’s desk and stomped my hoof. It looks like I am in charge now! I played around a bit, mocking Miss Cheerilee and pretending to punish students. ‘Apple Bloom! Talk properly for once!’ ‘Snips! Can you be any dumber?!’ I laughed to myself then stood for a while. I need to start drawing, but this won’t do, I need inspiration!
I walked away from Miss Cheerilee’s desk and walked to a window and looked outside, it was a beautiful day. The sun shined gorgeously and there were very few clouds in the sky. The grass was the perfect shade of bright green and even butterflies floated around.
Outside! That’s where I need to be!
I took one last look at the class room, I thought about what Miss Cheerilee said about staying in the class room and decided I can do whatever I please. No one was here to stop me and no one would know if I was to step out for a while. I walked over to my desk and placed my sketchbook inside my backpack and threw it on and went outside.
I walked around in the silence and beautiful scenery. No ponies to bully or have to listen to and no teacher to tell me what I’m doing wrong. I let out a sigh and began to look around.
I found myself sitting in the middle of a flower field behind the school house. It wasn’t too far away so I could make it inside the class before anyone came back from the field trip. The grass was a perfect spot to sit. It wasn’t too hot because the grass and flowers still had some morning dew on them. There was a slight breeze in the air and my mane flowed a bit. This was probably the first time in about a week that I have been so relaxed. I allowed myself to smile and I giggled a little.
I opened my sketch book and began drawing. I used the flowers as reference, the butterflies as inspiration and I let my idea take flight. I turned the first drawing I had of a filly in a garden and wanted to create a story to go along with it. I had a filly in the middle of my drawing with a long wavy mane. She was sitting in a patch of flowers, just like I am. I have her in a wonderful dress, with many frills and ruffles to make her look regal. I added an open book in her hooves, so I appeared she was reading. I made the look on her face so serene that I almost wanted to cry tears of joy upon seeing this face. I grew the plants around her, but in a lovely way, not in a way that it looked like vines crawling around her. I wanted it to look peaceful, not dark.
I lost track of time while I drew, I was in a place of happiness. I loved the feeling of drawing something I truly care about. It made my life have meaning. I started adding the little detail. The flowers, the butterflies and what color I should make everything.
I need to add light coming from the plants above her. Now, what color should I make this filly? Should I make her look like me? I drew two tones in her hair and a tiara on her head.
No! I scratch out the tiara. For the first time while drawing this, I felt angry. I don’t want her to look like me, because that’s not who I am.
I felt a tear fall down my cheek. Why do I hate myself so much?
I wiped the tear from my cheek and realized that there was a shadow behind me. My heart stopped.
You’ll never amount to nothing if you continue to live your life in the clouds! An artist, really?! How ridiculous! ~
I turned my head quickly to find Apple Bloom behind me. I was in shock. I didn't think anyone stayed behind from class. How long was she waiting there?
“Are you okay Diamond Tiara? You look sad.” She moved closer to me with a face of concern.
It’s like my voice would not work I just sat there starting at her. So many thoughts rushed through my head.
She continued to look at me and it looked as if she tried to get closer to me.
“St..stop right there!” My voice was weak and I couldn't help but stutter.
She looked at me bewildered but continued to move closer and stretch-out her hoof too me.
I looked at her as she got closer and I snapped out of my pity party and smacked her hoof away from me.
“Stay away!” I said as I got up.
She whined a little and pulled her hoof back to her.
“All I wanted was to make sure you were okay Diamond Tiara” her eyes looked down and I could see tears starting to form.
“I don’t need you to check on me! You should have minded your own business!” I was making myself angrier than I was, trying to scare her away.
“Diamond!” she yelled, it stunned me. I've never heard Apple Bloom raise her voice to anyone, especially me.
I stayed quiet as she raised her eyes to match mine; a few tears have begun falling from them.
“Why do you push everyone away from ya?! All I wanted was to be nice! What’s wrong with you?!” For some reason hearing that made tears flow from my eyes, how it could be that she was able to make me feel this bad?
I tried to speak back, to yell but my voice wouldn't work again all I wanted to do was cry. I sat down and hid my face in my hooves and started letting my tears fall.
I could feel Apple Bloom looking at me; I could hear her hard breather, probably from being so angry. Then I felt a hoof on my shoulder.
I raised my tear soaked face to see her sitting next to me, tears running down her face as well. She wrapped her hooves around me and I realized she was giving me a hug. I wanted to push her away but my body wasn't listening to me. We sat there and cried together.
There’s no point in hiding it now, just let it all out.
"I’m…I’m so sorry Apple Bloom, for the way I treat you, for making you hurt, I’m sorry for everything."
I turned and looked at her to find her eyes staring into mine, she almost looked confused. I could understand why too.
"I'm not playing a trick on you, I am truly sorry for everything, I just...i don't know why i did it." I could feel more tears starting to fall.
"I'm just so angry, but not at you, at myself. I don't know if you understand but.."
I was silenced as Apple Bloom began to hug me tightly again.
"You don't have to explain anything Diamond, I understand and I accept your apology."
I didn't want to push away this time, it felt so nice to be comforted. She pulled away from me slowly and we wiped our tears away.
I felt so happy for once i let out a giggle and I kept giggling until it turned into laughter.
Apple Bloom slowly began laughing until she joined me fully. We sat and laughed together with little tears rolling down our cheeks, but this time they were happy tears.
I put my hoof around her shoulder as our laughing slowly stopped until they were silent giggles again.
"Thank you Apple Bloom! Thank you so much!" i said with a smile on my face, a real smile.
She smiled back at me "Thanks for what though?"
"For treating me like a friend, for making me happy, for making me feel like i'm not an outsider."
She smiled at me again and looked over to see my sketch book. She got up and walked over to it, I followed.
She picked it up and handed it to me.
"Why would you feel like an outsider Diamond Tiara?"
I looked down at my drawing and frowned, then raised my head to look her in the eyes, She looked confused again.
I sat in the grass and waited for Apple Bloom to join me. I started to flip through my sketches, making sure Apple Bloom could see them as well.
She stopped me on every drawing and talk about what she liked.
"Wow! Those flowers are so pretty! they look so real!"
"Thank you so much!" I would giggle, this is the first time anyone I knew personally saw anything I've drawn. I enjoyed the compliments, the actual care in what i did.
We completed going trough my whole sketch book, i closed it and sat it in my lap. I Put my hooves together as i wondered. I saw Apple Bloom looking at me, wondering what i was going to saw or do.
"Apple Bloom, if I told you something, would you keep it a secret?" I kept my face down.
She sat silent for a while but then i could sense her nod, "Of course i will Diamond! I'l keep it a secret forever!"
"Thank you Apple Bloom!" I looked at her and hugged her tightly and she returned the embrace. "I think its time someone knew."
"Knew what Diamond?" She said as she slowly pulled out of our embrace.
I looked at her and smiled, "Its time, someone knew the truth"
Then from behind her i could see the class returning, I felt my heart sink and my hooves started to shake. No once else can know!
I pushed Apple Bloom away from me.
"Ow! Diamond what's going on?!"
"Nothing, you.. You stay away from me!" I picked up my bag and sketch book and ran towards the classroom.
I could hear Apple Bloom yelling behind me, I could hear the sadness in her voice.
"But I thought we were gonna be friends now Diamond Tiara! I thought we were friends!"
Though I was running away from her, her voice was loud and clear in my head, i could even hear her crying. I just could't tell her, not here, not in front of anyone else. Small tears began to fall again but I kept running away.