Sometimes, it's nice to get away from it all and enjoy a small part of a complete breakfast.
They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Maybe a lot of ponies don't think too much about it, but it's no doubt a meaningful part of the day for some. Let us go on a journey into the minds of these good friends of ours and see just what they think about when they start the day.
Twilight stood against her counter, watching in agony as her toaster worked to produce one of her favorite parts of each morning. This was always the hardest part. She knew that in order to convert each slice of bread into a delicious treat, she would have to put it in the toaster, but it always seemed to take far too long for it to finish. She had one hoof curled around a tub of butter, and another was stationed above the toaster, ready to catch the toast as it popped out. She had contemplated adding cinnamon to today's slice, but eventually decided against it. She just wasn't ready for that kind of excitement yet.
As she waited, she tried to imagine what life would be like without toast. After a few seconds, however, she realized that her mind, advanced as it is, could not comprehend such an impossibility.
What was it that made toast so great? Surely there was something tastier than a crispy version of bread... She thought back to all her adventures, her battles with evil forces, her journey to learn all she could about the magic of friendship. She had always unwound the next morning with a glass of milk and a slice of toast. Why not something else though? Pancakes were delicious. So were muffins! Toast could never match the intense flavors of such legendary breakfast pieces! Why is it, then, that toast was always her preferred method of relaxing in the morning?
Maybe toast didn't need to taste so amazing. Maybe it was its simplicity that made it the ideal choice in breakfast items. Toast never asks for anything. It doesn't require silverware or an assortment of ingredients that need to be mixed together in a bowl and baked for 15 minutes before you can properly enjoy them. It just requires that you have bread and a heat source.
Toast doesn't drag you off on some dangerous mission where the fate of Equestria rests in the balance. Toast doesn't even want you to leave the kitchen. It's perfectly content with any place you want to be.
Twilight thought of her friends and how much she loves them all. The quality of her life greatly improved when she met them, but they could be a handful at times. Fluttershy is so sensitive, Rainbow Dash never stays put, Applejack is constantly working, Pinkie Pie is insane, and Rarity is soooooo dramatic! Toast seemed like the perfect counterbalance to their flaws, not that she loved them any less for it...
Toast was scared of nothing. Even when its demise is inevitable, it faced its challenges head on without fear. It doesn't even flinch when you munch away at it, destroying it piece by piece. It's probably among the bravest things out there without even really trying to be.
Toast is always relaxed. It lets you sit back and enjoy it at your own pace. Never once has it challenged Twilight to a race, or any competition for that matter. It's fine with doing absolutely nothing for however long you want.
Toast is never too busy to hang out with you. Its schedule always seems to be free of any obligations or prior arrangements. It isn't exactly hard working, but it doesn't need to be. It's toast!
Toast is among the least confusing things in the universe. It can't teleport from place to place, and it can't predict the future with seemingly meaningless twitches and shakes. It's simple. You cook it, and then you eat it. Nothing to it.
Toast is always calm and collected. It will never overreact to anything, no matter how dreadfully awful things are getting for it. It will sit there and take any bad news with dignity and reserve.
All these things are great, but in the end, it makes toast kind of dull. Toast doesn't react to anything, nor does it elicit a reaction from anything else. It's relaxed and leisurely, but sometimes things are more satisfying when there's a bit of pressure working against you. Toast is always free, but it makes time spent with it seem a little meaningless. Why bother having it now, when you can have it literally whenever you want? It's completely predictable, which makes it bland and provides no opportunities for it to contrast with the everyday events in any significant way. It doesn't seem to care about anything, no matter how bad or good things are getting. It just sits there, waiting for something to happen to it, to which it will not respond.
So maybe toast wasn't the most exciting or memorable part of her day,but it still proved to be just the thing to ease the tension of everyday life for the Element of Magic. While cake and cookies were great, nothing could quite compare to the warm, welcoming sensation of a nice slice of bread, toasted to perfection and coated with a thin layer of butter.
So deep was Twilight in thought, that she almost didn't notice the ding sound of her toaster going off. She grabbed her slice of toast, preferring the traditional method of handling things rather than her magic for this occasion, and spread butter as evenly as she could across the top. Or was it the bottom? One of the wonderful things about toast is that it really doesn't matter. It would still be a perfectly good slice of toast even if it was upside down. As Twilight sunk her teeth into the wonderful combination of wheat and dairy, she wondered what would be in store for her today. Would she be heading to the Everfree forest to fend off some Timberwolves, or maybe she'd attend a party thrown in celebration of the fact that it was Wednesday. Who knows? Right now, all the excitement she needed was contained within a single slice of toast.
Applejack rose up in her bed and looked at the clock on her wall. 6:00 AM. She had slept in. Everypony had probably gone and eaten breakfast already and went to work outside. This was the perfect opportunity. Applejack headed downstairs and into the kitchen. She looked around to make sure nopony else was nearby. She opened up one of the cabinets and felt around the back wall. She eventually found a small notch, and pulled back, effectively removing the back of the cabinet to reveal a secret compartment. Inside was a large pile of what she considered to be among the most delicious things this side of Equestria: oranges.
Oh, how she loved oranges. Those tangy, delicious fruits could brighten even the stormiest of days, and with all the different orange based things you can make with them, they were about as versatile as apples! She pulled one out along with a small knife. She made a slit in the orange's thick hide and began to peel it. Applejack loved apples for sure. She wouldn't be an Apple if she didn't like them. But, when the opportunity arose, nothing could beat a nice, juicy orange.
If only her family knew of the wonders of this amazing fruit. She had to hide them, else she might be labeled a traitor among her fellow Apples. Honestly, if anypony else found out about her treason, they probably wouldn't judge her nearly as much as she made it seem. Hay, she even had family that produced oranges, but she kind of liked the idea of having some sort of rebellious secret. She was always so honorable. So virtuous. It was a little exciting having another side to her that nopony knew about. She felt devious, while she never lied to anypony, she had found a loophole. Withholding information wasn't truthful, but it wasn't UNtruthful, either.
Applejack had been so deep in thought over her schemes, that she hadn't even noticed she had eaten the entire orange already. That was just fine. There were plenty of 'em. She always kept a bountiful stash in her secret nook. She took another one out, and went to work on it. She kept wondering how her family would react if they knew. It always seemed a mite weird to her, that, despite having relatives who make a living off of these things, there never seems to be any oranges in the house, aside from her secret stash. Are they really that obsessed with apples? It's their namesake, sure, but really! There was literally, nothing but apples around here! You'd think one would get awful tired of the same flavor dominating everything they ate.
Applejack finished off another orange, and started for a third. They were so delicious! Sometimes, she wished they farmed oranges instead of apples, but then, she thought, she'd probably be stashing APPLES in a secret compartment within one of the cupboards instead. The grass was always greener, she reckoned.
She began wondering whether the fruit was named after the color or if it was the other way around. It made more sense that the color would have come first, so it was probably given the name before the fruit, but maybe there hadn't really been any reason to name the colors until the fruit had already been discovered. She wished Big Mac was there. He probably knew. He was pretty smart. Maybe she'd ask him about it later. But, then again, what if he got suspicious? That wouldn't be any good! She decided to just keep it to herself and forever wonder about this perplexing mystery of life.
As Applejack started on another orange, she began to think about how much she changes when she's eating these things. She wasn't usually so secretive, nor was she generally very introspective. What was it about these little spheres of goodness that made her act so strangely? The fact that she was questioning this only helped to prove how much more she thought about each small detail while she ate them. She kind of wanted to just sit down, neglect her work, and read a book or something... She shook this idea out of her head. She knew, eventually, her snack would have to end so she could help the rest of the family outside. What a shame...
Come to think of it, why hadn't anypony woken her up? Somepony always woke up Applebloom or Granny Smith when they slept in. Well, actually, that pony was usually Applejack, so maybe the rest of the family didn't care as much about it as she thought they did... Oh well. If it meant she could eat her oranges without interference, then she had no complaints!
Maybe it was wrong to like something for the sake of liking something others might not approve of. She felt as if she WANTED others not to approve, just so she could feel rebellious. Maybe there was something to that theory. Maybe she wanted a little evil every now and then. Maybe this was the start of something much bigger than she could ever dream of! And it would result in the destruction of the relationship between herself and her pals!
. . .
Maybe she was over-thinking it. She bit into her orange, savoring it's tangy juices.
As Pinkie eyed the box in front of her, she contemplated her next attack. She wanted to try something new for breakfast today, but this stupid box was harder to open than it should have been. After fruitlessly trying to get her hooves under the pull tab(Why do they even have those things? It's not like ponies can use them...), Pinkie had tried hitting the box, throwing it against the wall, and sicking Gummy on it, only to find the the only thing she might have accomplished was breaking all the cereal pieces inside. She couldn't even be sure of that, because in order to see the damage, she'd have to get the box open first!
Pinkie had opted for bran flakes this morning, picking up a box from the market about an hour and a half ago. She had no idea what bran meant, but she was eager to learn. She propped the now deformed cardboard container up against a wall and picked up a spoon with her teeth. She wedged the end of the spoon under the pull tab and lifted. Pinkie squealed in delight at the sight of an open mess of a box sitting in front of her. She pulled out the bag of flakes within and ripped it open with her teeth. Surprisingly, they didn't look too damaged! She dumped the whole thing on top of a bowl she had set on the counter. Next, she poured out some milk over the heap of cereal that completely concealed the bowl. She knew she was making a mess and that she'd have to clean it up later, but she didn't care. She had been trying to get that box open for an hour, and nothing would stand in her way now!
Pinkie tried to awkwardly hold the spoon between her hooves, but soon found that this was not going to work. She decided to just shove her face into the pile. Pound Cake did it all the time, and she thought it was just adorable. As she rammed her head into the mass of flakes, she got her first mouthful of cereal. A lot of suspense had built up to this moment for her, and she wondered about all the mystical flavors contained within the fabled flakes. She chewed slowly as she tasted a whole lot of... nothing.
These didn't taste like anything! It had to be the most bland thing she had ever experienced, and she used to live at a rock farm! It not only tasted of nothing, but it seemed to even detract from the flavor of the milk! She couldn't tell if she was tasting the bran or if it was just her own saliva. And she loved it!
Never before had her taste buds experienced such an... emptiness. Her brain could so easily keep up with the nature of the flakes that even sped ahead of her sense of taste, coming up with something, anything to fill the gap that was left by a food with no flavor. She thought it tasted like cotton candy for a second, but that didn't seem quite right, so it changed to chocolate chip cookies. That wasn't quite it either. Her brain searched through its extensive library of tastes, trying to find something that matched up with this abnormally sensation-less breakfast. It was weird. By not tasting like anything, the bran flakes began tasting like everything!
That's what bran must mean. Everything. Because that was the perfect embodiment of this cereal. She was already halfway through the entire pile, even seeing some of the bowl peeking out from beneath. She couldn't wait to tell her friends about her discovery. They would be overjoyed. Imagine how useful something like bran flakes could be! Why, with bran flakes, who needs anything else? They already have every flavor one could possibly imagine, so what was the point in eating anything else? Fluttershy would never have to worry about Angel not liking his food. Spike wouldn't have to eat any more gems, and they could be used for other things. Derpy may never have another muffin again!
But... Derpy loves muffins... Pinkie couldn't imagine what it would be like for Derpy if she didn't have any more muffins. And the Cakes would go out of business, because everybody got all of their fulfillment out of bran flakes. Suddenly, the bran flakes started to lose some of that flavor they had never actually gained. By now, all that was left was the cereal that actually made it into the bowl. Pinkie looked down into the now soggy cereal. She wouldn't be able to make anymore treats. She would never be able to teach Pumpkin Cake and Pound Cake the ways of the baker. Her hair began to droop ever so slightly.
The Apples might lose their farm, as well as the Carrots. Bonbon would have to stop her candy making, and even Colgate, while delighted that everypony was eating less sugar, probably wouldn't get as much business, seeing as cavities would occur much less frequently. This was becoming more and more depressing by the second, and these bran flakes didn't seem so great anymore.
Pinkie knew now why everypony didn't just eat bran flakes all the time. They were a sort of rare treat, not to be overdone, as the results would be catastrophic. She decided not to tell her friends about it. They probably already knew anyway. She dumped out the rest of the cereal, and got out a rag to clean up the mess she made. The Cakes would be really upset if they saw it, and Pinkie hated seeing them upset.
As she wiped away the milk and crumbs from the counter, Pinkie thought about tomorrow's breakfast. She figured she wouldn't get too adventurous next time. Breakfast usually wasn't that big of a deal for her anyway. Some ponies went all out with their breakfasts, but it meant almost nothing to her. She ate so many different things throughout the day that it just sort of blended in with the rest. She wouldn't forget about today, though. She had been greatly upset by the potential of the sacred bran flakes, but she also learned a lot about them, too. As long she she did so sparingly, maybe it would be okay to have a bowl every now and again, or a heap in her case. She knew now not to underestimate the smaller things, whether it be the integrity of a stubborn box, or the consequences of feeding such incredibly bland bits of food to the masses.
They had been amazing while they lasted, though. Every flavor had assaulted her all at once, even when there were no actual flavors to be found. She was astounded by how so much could come from something so... nonexistent, and she was hard to astound, which was even more impressive. She figured bran couldn't mean "everything" anymore. She was pretty sure she knew what it actually meant now, though: nothing.
Freshly stocked. Derpy sighed with relief. It had taken forever to load all of those muffins onto the shelves. She gazed proudly at her work. Refilling the Muffin Room was always a real pain, but the reward was more than worth it. The Muffin room had accommodations for all kinds of muffins. Each one got their own vacuum sealed cell lining the walls. The cells had many different sizes, and they all had steam vents that could keep the muffins as moist as they needed. Those with fruits in them were kept especially moist. Derpy had designed them all herself, and hoped that one day, everypony could enjoy their own muffin room. Hopefully, they would have an easier time loading it...
This time was especially tiring. She was having guests over later, and she wanted to make sure there were enough muffins by the time they arrived, so she woke up early to stock up. She had brought in several boxes of muffins, dropping them several times. One of the things Derpy loved about muffins was that they were durable and less crumbly than other baked goods. She knew she was pretty clumsy. It was hard to see when your eyes never looked in the same direction. But thankfully, the muffins took it like champs. Only three had been noticeably damaged.
She had taken each one out, one by one, and found the perfect cell for them. Even the broken ones got a cell, for no muffins would be left behind while she had anything to say about it. After sorting through hundreds of the pastries, She had left for Sugarcube Corner. A special place in the Muffin Room was saved for Pinkie Pie's creations. She always made the best muffins, but, alas, she was only one pony, and could never supply Derpy with all the muffins required to fill the Muffin Room. Still, she usually had a batch already made by the time Derpy got there, so Derpy didn't have to wait too long. They usually talked for a while before Derpy headed out with her muffins, but today, Pinkie had seemed a bit preoccupied, staring blankly at a pile of bran flakes. Derpy had just left a few bits on the counter, grabbed her muffins, and left Pinkie to her thoughts, whatever they may be.
Today, there had been a note attached to one of the muffins. Scribbled in pink letters were the words "Muffin flavored muffin." Derpy had pondered how that worked for a minute. Whatever is was, it sounded like the single greatest thing in the history of forever! Derpy had set it aside so she could examine it later. There were still cells to be filled. In the end, every cell was filled but one, as the muffin flavored muffin was too intriguing not to be at least looked at before it could be shelved. Derpy had then sighed, looking proudly at her freshly stocked Muffin Room. That had taken forever.
Derpy now picked up the mysterious muffin flavored muffin. Muffins were already the best tasting thing she could think of, and a muffin that tasted just like muffins must be the greatest best-tasting-thing-she-could-think-of of all time! At closer inspection, there seemed to be smaller muffins jutting out of the larger one. One of the little muffins appeared to be blueberry flavored, but another looked like a banana-nut muffin. Derpy looked at the unsatisfyingly empty cell, and back at the muffin in her hooves. She really wanted this muffin, but it sure would be a shame if every cell got filled but one...
On one hoof, it was still breakfast time, and Derpy hadn't eaten anything yet, but on the other hoof, doing all that work only to not have completed it just didn't feel right. Derpy mulled her options around in her head for a few minutes, before jumping up excitedly. She had found a solution! She opened the last remaining cell, put the muffin in, and closed the door. She then immediately took the muffin back out and took a huge bite out of it. By all means, she had filled every cell, so it was now okay to dig in! And Derpy had no regrets as she savored the plethora of flavors that spewed from the piece of fluffy goodness in her mouth. She had no idea how Pinkie managed to put tiny muffins inside the larger one without cutting it open or getting them mixed together like that, but it didn't matter. All other thoughts vanished from her mind as her taste buds nearly exploded out of sheer enjoyment of this pastry.
After the muffin was gone, Derpy just sat there, drooling. She wished she had more muffins. That's when she remembered what room she was in, and started unloading cells left and right, chomping away at the delicious morsels contained within them. She started thinking about the guests coming over that afternoon. She wondered if there'd still be enough muffins by the time they got there. As she chewed, she looked around at the 400 or so muffins she hadn't gotten to yet. Yeah... It'd probably be fine.
But then again, it was breakfast time, and all that work had left her pretty hungry...
Of all the things ponies have invented over the years, spoons had to be the least practical. Silver Spoon had been sitting at the dining room table for a good 20 minutes now, trying her best to eat a bowl of oatmeal. If she could have her way, she'd have simply stuck her face into the bowl and chomped away, but her mother had told her that such uncouth behavior would not be tolerated, and that she would have to use a spoon like a normal pony. Silver let out a frustrated groan as her spoon slipped out from between her hooves for the 57th time.
She could understand a unicorn or even a pegasus using one. Unicorns could float the spoon up to their mouths with magic, and pegasi had preposterously dexterous wings that could wrap around the handle easily enough. Earth ponies seemed to have gotten shafted when it came to handling utensils, however. She could pick up the spoon with her mouth, but then she had no way of getting to the food at the end. Holding it between her hooves looked to be the only option, but getting the end to her mouth was incredibly awkward, and the fact that the handles tended to be flat meant that she had to put one hoof above and the other below rather than on either side. If she ever managed to get any actual food on the end, then it was a careful balancing act as she slowly, shakily moved it toward her muzzle.
Silver managed to take her 3rd bite of oatmeal. School would be starting in half an hour, and she would need at least 10 minutes to walk there. She would never finish this bowl in time. A real shame, as the oatmeal was actually really good. She contemplated shoving her face into the bowl again, or maybe licking it off her hoof. She decided against it. She was alone in the room at the time, but she was certain her mother would walk in at the exact moment she started either tactic, and she would get a stern talking to. It happened way too often to be a coincidence, and she suspected espionage.
Silver set the spoon down in defeat. Another wonderful breakfast gone to waste. She really detested these stupid utensils. She wished they had a smaller role in her life. She stood up out of her chair and walked away from the table, leaving the mostly full bowl for the maids to clean. As she walked, she daydreamed of a world without spoons and their villainy. Ponies would probably get pretty fat without the limitations of silverware to prevent them from eating effectively. Maybe spoons were a necessary evil. They were there to keep overzealous gluttons from overeating. In reality, spoons kept order and peace among the ponies, who would otherwise destroy themselves.
She decided that this train of thought, while mildly amusing, was honestly sort of stupid. She berated herself for having gotten into such a tangent as she entered the bathroom. Now that breakfast had been dealt with, it was time to face a new threat. She opened the cabinet above her sink and eyed her second biggest source of aggravation. A scowl formed on her lips as she reached toward her toothbrush.
