The First - Oh There's No Place like Canterlot...
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So...you have chosen to (against your better judgement which you SHOULD have listened to, you blasted fool!) continue onwards for the answers...to give in to the wretched drives of curiosity. You are a fool and unwise to do so...but if you will it...I cannot argue.
As I have previously explained, our story begins in a time of Equestria, approximately three to four months after the fall of Nightmare Moon. It is this time that I would have very much liked to have marked as a 'peaceful...wonderful period of tranquility in our fair nation' but alas I have gone to taking a rather harsh hatred over the concept of lying...
But...I digress.
To understand 'Where' and 'When'...you must first ask (and wonder) 'Who'. Who am I? What relevance am I to you or this wretched tale? A voice I am more than, even though a voice is all I ever feel like anymore...trapped and squeezed thin against the choked air of this plagued country...
My name is a lot more well-known than I would have liked...and it is more notorious than it is well-liked. Detective White Quill...Grand Archivist of the Royal Canterlot Archives, that...that is who I am. Basically...I'm a nosy sort of bastard with a big shiny piece of worthless paper stating that I've graduated from Librarian school. Fuck-a-doodle-doo...what glory I have achieved in the big, dreadful maze of marble buildings and royal halls.
Oh my parents were proud...proud to learn their big 'Quilly' was off sorting through some of the darkest, locked away secrets that Equestria had to offer in their big fancy library. The complete account of what happened in the September of the year before The Rise of Nightmare Moon, when Hydro Gen detonated his great weapon...killed over four thousand ponies. Have to say I'm impressed...takes a lot of guts to commit mass genocide on a scale that big and with a weapon that technology advanced for its time.
Or perhaps the great famine that starved over two hundred ponies, the one in which farmers were blamed and killed by various lynch mobs. Funny how I read the official signed documents of Princess Celestia stating that it was in fact a new pesticide they were experimenting with that killed the crops. All hush hush, of course...but oh how that big fat alicorn still cries about it.
Do not get me wrong, dear reader...I love Celestia. I have always been here for her, I have ALWAYS taken care of her. You could say I am the only friend she has in these lonely, dark halls. In a sea of corruption I am her only raft, her vaccine in a world of rotten diseases laced with greed and blood. I have only served with her for...ten years however. It is such a small time compared to the thousand years of misery she has had to endure. That and her abilities weren't quite the same since she was nearly destroyed by that Rain-Nuke. It cracked her horn trying to repel the entire blast...and even then she couldn't fully contain it.
Old Ponyville was irradiated for at least two hundred years after that...or the crater was anyway. Then the Smiths came, of course...their cute little founding of New Ponyville. It's Ponyville to them...but I know better of course. Celestia still sobs over it from time to time...I swear it's as if the blast not only damaged her physically but mentally as well. Can't say I blame her...I'd be a bit loony too if my old star pupil slaughtered thousands of ponies, fucked my sister, and nearly killed me in the process of it all.
Because of her...little emotional roller coaster...her Royal Court has decreed that until Celestia is better, THEY will run Equestria. As I have said, Luna is too fresh (and fresh indeed, I cannot argue this...), and there is nothing we can do about it.There was nothing I could do except sit by and watch as those greedy, selfish bigots tore Equestria apart with their fancy rules and high taxes. What could I do? Play mum for a pwetty pony pwincess...yech. The whole thing makes me want to take a Rain-Nuke of my own to this awful place.
I just wish there was something I could have done, something I could do now instead of sit here and twiddle my hooves. That thinking got me into some dark places...one of which led to my unfortunate discovery of The Ballad of Pinkie Pie...
Oh I heard the story, not the complete one but the gist of it. To be honest I didn't believe Celestia when she told me...I couldn't. Such a thing was insane, unheard of! Then again...I perfectly understand Pinkie's reasoning. If everything was stolen from you...wouldn't you act in extremes? Wouldn't you act in the most desperate situation imaginable? Hell sometimes I wonder if even I could.
After hearing this shredded tale...I realized that it wasn't enough...I needed the tape to hold the story together so I could know...so that I could know the end. I don't know why...but it tore at me, like a savage belly ache after too much Gin. Why I was so eager, I did not know. Perhaps it is the continuous drive for knowledge that pushes us to explore some of the darker sides of the world. Knowledge is power...but the lengths some go to just to acquire it are horrific. Even then, the type of knowledge plays an interesting factor as well.
Think about it, for just a moment. Some of the most brilliant minds in existence are currently being held in the darkest depths of the Canterlot Insane Asylum in the south district of the city. Why? Because of their quests for knowledge. Some things are better left unlearned...some paths better left untrotted. Still, curiosity is a dreadful thing...something that I unfortunately learned the hard way.
Ah...I am getting ahead of myself again, I apologize...
Anyway...my story begins as I have previously stated, on a ship sailing from the Gryphotonic Mountains to the far north in Equestria. I had been away for a few months for an investigation and diplomatic mission concerning Prince Razor-Wing, the heir to the Gryphon throne. Apparently since his father's passing, several clans of the Gryphon people have been trying to challenge the Prince's right to the throne. Being a natural mediator...I of course was given the shit end of the stick and sent in to quell the disputes. After eight poorly disguised, poisoned cups of wine later and two assassination attempts in my bedchambers, the Prince finally gained the support of the military advisers and proclaimed martial law.
Good thing for me at least...considering I heard a rumor that the next poorly formed plan of assassination would have involved vipers. I hate snakes...can't stand them at all. Anyway, after all was said and done, I boarded the E.S.S. Judgment of the Pegasus, bound for Canterlot...my...lovely little home. I couldn't really say that I wasn't happy to be going back. I loved the city...I just...didn't like those who ran it. The architecture, the history, the lovely food, Canterlot was a nice enough place to live...if you were one of the high class like me. Rarely had I ever seen a medium or low class citizen within the city limits, unless they were farmers delivering food.
The journey by sea would take me at least a week, which was a lot more time then I would have liked but...I could not complain. I was homesick yes but...any time away from those bureaucrats and corrupt politicians was good time. We shipped out approximately two to three days ago. The seas were calm so good time was being made at least.. I was sitting in my room, relaxing after finishing my report for the courts in Canterlot. I was trying my best to enjoy a good book, The Fauna and Herbalism of The Everfree, by Twilight Sparkle, but I couldn't shake this headache that seemed to be working its way up through my brain.
I sighed, getting up from my desk chair. I gently closed the book after marking my place and slid it across the desk, trotting towards my dresser to look at my reflection in the mirror. As I stood in front of the reflective glass, I immediately noticed two things: I was tired, and I was miserable. Sleep had evaded me long after my stay in the Gryphonic Mountains...you know...with the whole 'imminent death' thing. That and just the general atmosphere of Canterlot and the Mountains was just screwing me up mentally. I was depressed...I was disheartened...but Celestia needed me and I could not just leave her to her woes.
Somepony has to be there to pick up the pieces, after all.
My short, dark brown mane hadn't been brushed for quite some time, and my lightish brown fur looked very pale in nature, sickly even. Perhaps it was the lack of decent food or the mountain air that was getting to me...who knew? My blue eyes were dull in color and looked liked they were slightly glazed, as if I had just returned from the dead. Yeah...it was definitely time for air.
I quickly made my way out into the tiny hallway of the dorms and proceeded to make my way towards the deck of the ship. I passed by some of the passengers and crew, and for a moment I kind of felt bad for thinking I had it bad. They looked worse than I did...with their sullen expressions and bags hanging under their eyes. Seemed everypony was having it bad nowadays...but again it was understandable.
In all of three minutes I managed to traverse the long, dark halls of the inner ship and emerged onto the deck. The thick smell of salt and the feel of the wind in my mane hit me like a freight train, the ocean opening itself up to me. Almost immediately, my headache began to subside and I made my way over to the port side railing. It was a dreadful day, but I wasn't complaining. A thick fog had settled across the ocean, the sky tinged with grey. Leftovers it seemed, from a storm that rolled across Canterlot and was simply left to drift without dispersion from the weather team.
I threw my front hooves atop the railing and sighed, casting my eyes across the endless wave of black and blue. From the brightness of the clouds and the orange tint from the light of the sun, I judged the time to be around...oh...perhaps four or five in the evening. The temperature was dropping, I could tell. A frigid chill was beginning to make itself known across my skin. I let out a shiver, immediately wishing I had brought a scarf or a coat out with me onto the deck. I endured it, however, wishing to enjoy the fresh air for at least a little while longer.
Little did I know...that this small decision would change my life...forever.
I looked amongst the churning water with a calm expression on my face, my mane flapping about in the chilly air. I took a small glance to right, towards the front of the ship, and spotted something far off in the fog. It looked like a board of some kind, floating aimlessly along the glassy water. I would have just passed it off as just simple debris...if not for the second glance of curiosity which revealed to me that there was something on the board. With a squinting of my eyes and a quick skipping beat of my heart, I gasped and shouted across the deck "PONY OVERBOARD!"
The deck quickly livened up, with several ponies in sailor uniforms dashing up to me and peering over the railing in the direction of my outstretched hoof. One of the sailor's nodded and waved up towards the bridge of the ship, making a unique movement in the air with his hoof. "Bring out the hooks! Slow speed!" shouted a voice from somewhere on deck, two of the sailors rushing to grab two long poles attached to inner deck wall of the ship.
They grasped them quickly, hauling them over with carefully placed hooves as the ship began to slow. I kept my eyes locked on the wooden raft as it slowly started to pass down by the side. The pony laying across of it had to be a mare, based on her body type and size. A large, brown cloak rested over her form, a hood pulled up over her head which hid everything about her except their legs, the color of them being what looked like to be green with a mix of pink. I watched with careful eyes as the sailors slipped their hooks under the raft, pulling it against the hull of the ship.
A wooden ladder was thrown over the side of the ship, dangling down to just above the raft. One of the sailors quickly hopped over the edge, climbing down the ladder with careful hoof movements. From above, me and the rest of the crew watched with curiosity and worry. Was the mare dead? Was she wounded? How did she get here? Questions, questions without answers...that's all we had then. When I think back on it...that's all we should of had. If I had known the answers then like I do now...I would have just stayed in Canterlot.
The sailor pulled her aboard with slight difficulty, the aid of two others being his only saving grace as she was eased over the railing and onto the deck. We looked her over carefully, watching as the mare shivered on the wooden deck. At least she was alive...that was something.
The Captain of the ship, an aging colt with a swirling grey mane trotted up through a gap in the group's circle, staring down at her with a curious expression. "Sea Legs, rouse her if possible, let's see if the poor mare can tell us what cruelty has been cursed upon her to cause her to be adrift so far out on the sea." The colt, Sea Legs, gave a single nod and leaned down gently towards the mare. He put a hoof against her side, gently shaking her and rocking her against the deck.
"Oi..." he muttered, shaking her a bit more "Mare...wake up, you're safe now. Wake u- BY CELESTIA'S BEARD!" he cried, jumping back as the mare gave a loud gasp and twitched on the wooden surface.
"H...h..hel...save the...Louise...Louise!!!" the mare choked out, her voice hoarse and dry, like crackling autumn leaves.
"Get the lady some water, quick!" Shouted the captain, his sailors scrambling to find a suitable cup and source of water for the mare. I did not see her face as she twitched and shook on the deck, her words incoherent and weak in nature. "Nurse Red Blood!" barked the captain, to which a grey-coated mare quickly trotted up, a white nurse's cap on her head.
"Aye Captain?" she muttered, looking down at the shaking mare with wide eyes.
"Check this mare for wounds...or scurvy," ordered the captain. "I want to make sure she's safe and stable before we move her inside."
The nurse gently knelt next to the mare, looking up her cloak. This brought a fit of murmuring amongst the group, but earned only a hard stare from me. Her fur...was odd. It wasn't like any color combination I had ever seen before...frankly I had never even seen a combination of fur color. Manes maybe but...not fur. Her coat was pink but splotched with large stains of green, with her tail and parts of the mane that I could see splotched with red. I couldn't get a good look at her face, the nurse's body blocking my view. She put a hoof under the mare's hood and gasped, pulling it away immediately after. "Captain!" she wheezed, turning to the aging colt "She's burning with an extreme fever! I have to get her inside before the chill makes her worse!"
The Captain looked over the mare for a moment before eventually nodding, stepping aside for her and barking to his sailors "Alright! You heard the lady, help get this mare inside to one of the spare rooms."
I could only watch as the mare was picked up and balanced on one of the colt's backs, with one pony on each side to ensure she was stable and wouldn't fall off if she had a seizure or another spasm. I looked on with concerned eyes as they took her inside, the door shutting behind them. "Alright!" shouted the Captain "Show's over...back to work! We've lost speed, and therefore, time! Onwards to Canterlot!" The sailor's scrambled about, moving back to their original positions and working to get the ship moving again. I was startled as the Captain addressed his next words to me personally, his voice gruff but full of confusion and question "So...'Detective'...what say you about the circumstances surrounding this mare's appearance?"
I looked towards him with a raised eyebrow and put a hoof to my chin, mulling over the entire incident in my head. The raft, the mare...the possibilities. I sighed, shaking my head and looking towards the wooden door as I said "It is troubling...most who are lost at see are so because their original ships have gone down or she tried to intentionally sail by herself." I looked up towards the sky as I pondered over these possibilities. "I believe..." I muttered "that she was the victim of an attack...although this is all strictly speculation. From her speech she mentioned helping or saving a mare named 'Louise'. As for her fur, I'm not sure what that is all about with the colors...perhaps paint or dye." I turned my head to the Captain and muttered "I don't have anything except theories...is the point. I could ask her if you would like."
The Captain nodded and looked towards the door himself as he spoke "We're still a few days out from Canterlot, a few hours more now because of this stop. In our care, the nurse should have her stable and probably coherent within a day or so. Once that time comes, you should have enough time to see what she knows." We nodded towards each other, the captain turning and muttering behind him as he walked off "I leave it to you Detective."
I should have refused...now that I think about it. What relevance was it to me? Why was it any of my business who she was or where she came from? The ONLY reason that I decided to go through with it was because I really had nothing better to do. Although...that seems like more of an excuse than anything...
The next few days were utter hell for me, but more so for the mare. Her screams of panic and her roaring demands for alcohol kept most of us, at least me anyway, awake. It was only through sheer exhaustion that sleep demanded my attention, pulling me into her soft bosom and cradling me in her blackened void of the unknown.
When I finally did awake, it was by the hoof of the nurse, Red Blood. She gently shook my shoulder, a sort of sympathetic and tired look stretching across her face. "Detective?" she whispered "Are you awake sir?"
"Hmm..?" I breathed, opening an eye and staring at the nurse for a moment. I closed it gently and rested in the comfort of blackness as I spoke on "Yes miss...I am awake. I assume you are here about the mare?"
"Yes...," she whispered "Her condition has stabilized enough for visitation."
I nodded once and opened my left eye again, saying "Has she spoken at all?"
Red Blood put a hoof to her forehead and sighed, scratching at it slightly and muttering "A little...only to ask for alcohol and where she was. I told her you'd be coming to talk to her once she felt better, but besides that I denied her the beverage and informed her of our approximate position."
I opened my eyes fully and stared up at the ceiling, muttering quietly as I folded my front hooves over my belly "Very well...I will see her in a few minutes. Could you have a cup of black coffee with two sugar cubes delivered there?" The nurse nodded, bowing her farewell to me and turning to leave.
I watched her move as she retreated to the door, from the bounce of her mane to the bounce of her flank. Not a bad form, I thought...but I was in no mood for courtship at the moment. I had too much to do when I got back to Canterlot...too much paperwork and princess-sitting to worry about my social life. With a heavy sigh I turned my head to the left and rolled out of bed with little effort, plopping onto my hooves. I exited the room promptly, not wanting to keep our guest waiting any longer...and turned down the hallway to the left.
I had been informed previously of the location of the mare's room: two doors from the wall on the left. I approached it, knocking firmly three times and listening to the raspy "Come in..." that floated into my ears from beyond the door. If she was supposed to sound healthy or at least healthier...I'd hate to hear what she sounded like when she was sick. I pushed the door open quietly and peered inside, immediately spotting the mare who was propped up with pillows in a half sitting position. She was staring out of the porthole which rested near the left of her head. Her cloak and hood were still on and up...which confused me but it was probably per the mare's requests that she kept her clothing on.
She turned her head slowly as I entered the room, and for the first time I got a good look at her face. Nice, round cheeks, bright blue eyes that had bags under them. Her mane from what I could see was a mess, some parts straight and others bubbly in nature. I had to admit she was rather pretty, but I'd never say anything. I was a professional, after all...had to keep work and social lives separate. Did this even count as work...?
I cleared my throat and approached her, getting up to the side of her bed and giving her a small smile. She didn't return it of course...I didn't really expect a happy mood out of her anyway. "Hello there," I began "I'm Detective White Quill, from Canterlot. What's your name?"
She raised an eyebrow, as if she was amused or confused about my name. She answered me anyway with a weak, slightly hoarse voice "Muffin...Mena Muffin."
"Miss Muffin, a fortunate thing that you are alive and doing well!" I said, a happy tone to my voice. She simply smirked as I went on "You seemed to be in a troubled state when we first found you...tell me, were you attacked at all?"
"No..." she muttered, turning her head back so she could stare out of the porthole.
"Are you sure?" I asked, genuine concern lacing my voice. "You were rambling about somepony named 'Louise' and I thought that..."
The mare looked at me with a semi-surprised expression which currently turned to what looked like annoyance as she said "It was just a name...a mare I knew a long while ago." I tried to read her, see if she was lying but I could tell instantly that she had a really good poker face. Despite this, I decided to push on anyway, see if there was anything else I could get out of her.
"What happened out there? Were you shipwrecked?" I asked, pulling up a chair for me to sit on.
She didn't reply at first, nor did she even acknowledge that I had said anything. I didn't mind, to be honest I would have hated getting asked questions myself if I were in her position. I was content just to let her have some time. I wasn't in any rush anyway. If anything I figured she deserved some company rather than an interrogation.
I got comfortable as best as I could, folding my front hooves over my belly and looking down towards my rear hooves. We stayed like that for awhile, quiet and pensive. I tilted my head back and let out the quietest sigh I could, but immediately tilted myself back forward as a shout carried down from the hallway. "Land ho!!! Canterlot is in sight!" it said, the sounds of rustling and doors open following it quickly.
"Huh..." I muttered, turning my head towards the door "Seems we've arrived a bit early."
"That's ok..." the mare suddenly said "I would like a bit of fresh air anyway..."
I got up from my seat, offering her a hoof which she took gingerly. "I agree," I said with a smile "Some air I think would do us both well." I helped her gently from her bed and together we made our way towards the door. We walked quietly down the hallway and outside onto the deck, my eyes lighting up at the sight of the high buildings of Canterlot which rested above us on the mountain. The docks of Canterlot rested alongside the base of the mountain, with several wooden docks and piers extending out onto the water.
I couldn't help but smile as The Judgement of the Pegasus pulled ever closer to the docks. I leaned myself onto the railing, my front hooves giving me support as I looked up towards the marble city. I missed my home...my library...my work. I didn't know why...but for some reason I just had the urge to...sing.
I want to rejoice, to bathe in the happiness of my return homewards. My voice bubbled up through my lungs as I happily began to sing:
"I have sailed this land and seen its wonders...
From the Gryphotonic Mountains to the Froggy Bottom Bog...
But there's no, place, like, Canterlot!!"
I stopped though soon after as the mare joined me on my last line
"No there's no, place, like, Canterlot...hmph.."
I turned my head to her and muttered "Miss...?"
She simply frowned, looking up over the high city tops and whispering "You are young...life has been kind to you..." She turned her head to me and gave me a dark glare as she finished her light tune "You will learn..." I watched as she moved up towards the front of the ship with me close behind, my curiosity dragging me onwards. The ship floated on quietly as we pulled past a few other ships.
She looked up and suddenly began to speak, her words flowing out rapidly in a light tune "There's a lot of vermin in this place you see, all stupid and blind and filled with greed and its morals aren't worth what a pony could spit and it goes by the name of Canterlot......at the top of the whole sit a privileged few making mockery of those in this pony zoo turning beauty into filth and greed..."
She scoffed and broke out into the same tune I had carried only moments before...only her tone was really...dark to me "I too have sailed this world and seen its wonders...for the cruelty of ponies is as wondrous as the bog, but there's NO, PLACE, LIKE, CANTERLOT!!!"
She finished these words with such fury...such anger. I knew then...at that precise moment...that there was a lot more to this mare than I knew. I knew that the moment she spoke to me. This was a mare who had seen the darkness...who had been touched by some kind of evil...evil that had stemmed from Canterlot.
What that evil was...was something I don't think I was ever going to expect.
(Music Reference - "Oh There's No Place LIke London!")
