Truck-kun Goes Brrr
Sunset Shimmer was no expert on Japanese trucks. She didn’t know that, even though the Isuzu Elf was classified as a light truck, it still weighed almost three tons. Its reliable four-litre diesel engine could easily make the car drive around the world about a dozen times, allowing it to reach about sixty miles per hour on an empty road in the middle of the night.
It was, as the coroner later put it, enough.
Sunset never really cared about the coroner’s opinion, and knew nothing about the power and reliability of the Isuzu 4HF1 engine. When she stood in the middle of the dark road and headlights blinded her, she had only one thing on her mind.
“Goodbye, cruel world.”
What happened next was described in the 10th revision of the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems as “V03.1 – Pedestrian injured in collision with car, pick-up truck or van, traffic accident”. This simple description was maybe good enough for the doctors and a man with a mop who showed up there on the next day after police and paramedics were done with their respective jobs and for whom it was not a particularly good Tuesday. It however, wasn’t enough for Sunset. For her, this moment changed her whole life.
The truck hit her side, immediately obliterating every single bone in her left arm, tearing the muscles and rupturing the arteries. Her ribs were crushed on impact, pieces of them ripping her left lung and spleen into shreds. With quick medical help, Sunset would have a slim chance of recovery, but the force of impact caused what medical textbooks aptly described as traumatic aortic rupture. At this point, severe bleeding would cause anyone to either see their whole life flashing before their eyes or immediately meet the deity of their choice, but all Sunset saw was the car’s windshield moving quickly towards her head.
The hit was able to leave a sizable hole in the hardened, laminated glass. Sunset’s skull took it even worse, glass ripping skin off her face, bones cracking and breaking underneath it. As the police later found out, some of Sunset’s blood and brain stayed on the front of the vehicle after she was thrown forward by the force of impact. Her shoes were found near the truck, standing neatly in the place where she stood before it hit her.
According to the coroner’s report, Sunset Shimmer was already dead when her body hit the tarmac, rolled on it, leaving a trail of blood and flesh behind, and landed in the ditch, face-down, with one of her arms ripped off and the rest of her limbs splayed at unnatural angles. Her organs, torn, ripped, and mangled by the extreme forces, ceased to function. The paramedics later found a bloodied donor card in her pocket, but nothing could really be reused.
The funeral home did a really good job, however. Sunset got an open-casket funeral and somehow looked even better than when she was alive.
For many, that’d be the end of their story.
For Sunset, it was just the beginning.
“Gah!” Twilight exclaimed. She was just sleeping calmly in her bed when she felt something landing on the top of her like a ton of bricks. She opened her eyes, but it didn’t quite help her. After all, it was the middle of the night. All she could tell was that somepony was in her bed, moving frantically.
Then, somepony screamed at the top of their lungs. Twilight looked around, trying to find the source of all the commotion, but suddenly, she got smacked by somepony’s flailing hoof.
“Twilight!” someone exclaimed. “Trixie! Some ponies are trying to sleep!” Suddenly, the room was filled with teal light. Twilight looked towards it and saw Starlight sitting on her bed, lighting her horn. She wore her pajamas with kites and looked at Twilight with an annoyed expression.
This wasn’t, however, the weirdest thing. When Twilight looked in the other direction, she saw a yellow unicorn lying on her back and shuddering, her empty stare focused on Twilight's ceiling.
“Sunset?” Twilight asked. “What are you doing here?”
“Fuck.” Sunset muttered.
“Excuse me?” Starlight asked.
“Holy shit,” Sunset whispered. “No. This can’t be happening.”
“What happened?” Twilight sat next to Sunset and poked her with her hoof. “I mean, I appreciate your visit, but what are you doing here in the middle of the night?”
“Where’s Trixie?” Starlight looked around. “Tell me you didn’t telefrag Trixie when you decided to surprise us. Also, no offense, but your arrival is, at best, inconvenient.”
Sunset blinked and looked at Starlight. Then she shifted her gaze to Twilight, then back to Starlight. “Do you sleep in one bed?”
“No,” Twilight replied.
Starlight sighed and shot Twilight a glare. “Yes.”
“Only sometimes.” Twilight smiled sheepishly, blushing a little bit.
“To be honest, this bed got really small since Trixie joined,” Starlight said. “If you’re planning to stay, we’ll need a bigger one. Unless, of course, you did just telefrag Trixie…” She looked around, as if expecting to find pieces of gore on the walls.
“No homo,” Twilight muttered under her breath.
“No homo?” They heard another voice from under the bed. “Trixie knows you two can get quite wild, but kicking Trixie out of bed like that? Rude. Trixie had some great and powerful dreams and–” Trixie climbed on the bed and saw Sunset Shimmer. “Oh, are we bringing guests now? Why didn’t you tell me? Trixie would bring Lavender and Fuchsia. Or maybe the second Trixie from your world.”
“For fuck’s sake!” Sunset exclaimed, tears welling in her eyes. “I didn’t want to pay you a visit! If I wanted to end up in Equestria, I’d just use the fucking portal!”
“Hey, no need to be rude,” Trixie said.
“Then where did you try to go?” Twilight asked. “You don’t look great, to be honest.”
“Nowhere.” Sunset shrugged. “Or maybe to heaven, with angels, harps, a beer volcano, and seventy-two virgins. I could never get the human afterlife.”
Starlight nodded. “I’ll bring cocoa. I know where this is going.”
“Did you try to kill yourself?” Twilight asked.
Sunset rubbed her temples. “I don’t quite recall why. Side effect of getting hit by a truck.”
“A truck?” Trixie rolled her eyes. “Don’t you have manticores in there?”
“Trixie, do me a favour and shut up,” Starlight said, teleporting out. She came back after a few seconds, levitating four mugs of cocoa with marshmallows.
“Of course it was a truck.” Twilight nodded solemnly. “It’s usually a truck.”
“What do you mean?” Sunset asked.
“Well, this happened before,” Starlight replied, taking a sip of her cocoa. “But the results are usually more, I’d say, villainous. It’s still better than abortions, though.”
“What abortions?” Sunset asked.
Starlight sighed. “You ask like you didn’t know who told teens from Canterlot High about horse abortions.”
Sunset rubbed her neck. “I just got hit by a speeding truck. Even in this universe I have a whiplash…”
“Must be psychological,” Trixie said. “You’re in another universe, in a completely different body, there’s no way you could–”
“Stop telling me what to feel.” Sunset aimed her horn at Trixie. “Unless you want to commit suicide by an angry unicorn.”
“Meh, Trixie knows how to commit suicide well.” Trixie smirked. “Shoot yourself from a cannon into the mouth of a manticore next time. In front of spectators.”
Starlight groaned. “Can any of you come up with a suicide method that doesn’t traumatise anyone else? That poor truck driver is probably going insane right now. Back in my village, ponies would just go into the mountains and freeze to death, sometimes leaving a letter behind.”
“And why would they do that?” Twilight asked.
Starlight smiled sheepishly. “Well, long nights and snow can make anyone depressed…”
“Nothing to do with someone taking away their cutie marks, right?” Twilight glared at Starlight, who started to sweat.
“Well, one of the letters may have said, ‘go fuck yourself, Glimmer’, but this was the only time such a thing happened and it wasn’t like someone followed their hoofsteps on the next day and–”
“Enough.” Twilight sighed. “Stop criticising other ponies’ suicide methods and stop digging yourself deeper. And you, Trixie, shut up.”
“Trixie said nothing.”
“I know, I’d rather be safe than sorry,” Twilight replied. “Anyway, time to do something reasonable.”
Sunset nodded. “Exactly. I figured out that since I apparently got another chance, I may figure out what went wrong and–”
“Science.”
Sunset furrowed her eyebrows and looked at Twilight. “What?”
“You’re the only person who got here by the truck and didn’t have to be immediately put down or turned into stone,” Twilight replied. “This is a great chance to do some experiments.”
“I’m pretty sure this is why I killed myself,” Sunset muttered.
“For science?” Starlight asked.
“No, because of her human counterpart.” Sunset pointed at Twilight. “By the way, did you know human Twilight is straight while this Twilight is–”
“I’m not gay,” Twilight muttered.
Trixie pouted. “That’s not what you said last night.”
“To be honest, you sleep in one bed with those two,” Sunset said. “The evidence is not in your favour.”
“Well, we already found out there are some differences,” Twilight said. “When we’re in our human forms, your Twilight is an inch shorter, twenty pounds lighter, and seems to slouch a bit due to an early stage of degenerative disc disease. Also, it seems that her sex drive is higher.”
Trixie nodded. “Maybe because of those three D’s.” She dodged a bolt of Twilight’s magic, which hit the wall, leaving a scorched mark.
“What did I tell you?” Twilight rolled her eyes and looked at Sunset. “At least you don’t have to deal with them every day.”
“Well, at least you can threaten them with magic,” Sunset said. “In my world, shooting in the general direction of annoying people is frowned upon for some reason.”
“I didn’t threaten anyone with magic,” Twilight said. “If I did, I wouldn’t miss. Trixie should remember about this.”
“If Trixie recalls correctly, you didn’t do this before Starlight showed up,” Trixie muttered. “Maybe it's her bad influence.”
“Hey, Discord was really annoying!” Starlight exclaimed. “Anyway, why is shooting people frowned upon in your world? It’s not like you fire lethal spells at them, right?”
Sunset rolled her eyes. “Nah, just bits of lead, nineteen milimetres long and nine milimetres wide. Unfortunately, most people’s heads have a tendency to explode when hit, unless you’re Wallflower Blush.”
“What happened to Wallflower?” Twilight asked.
Sunset shrugged. “She tried to shoot herself in the head, but I guess she changed her mind a few times. Later they found her alive, with a bunch of bullet holes in the wall. One must’ve grazed her skull, because she said she saw a blue pony and an explosion. Then she played checkers with Death.”
Twilight and Starlight looked at Trixie, who smiled sheepishly.
“Trixie, what did we tell you about the fireworks-based security system in your wagon?” Starlight asked.
“That it’s dangerous and Trixie should dismantle it?”
Starlight frowned. “Exactly. And what did you do?”
Trixie cleared her throat. “Well, when a cute, green earth mare spawns in your bed in the middle of the night, the fireworks may sometimes explode, Trixie would say, too early…”
“That’s what Party Favor said when I put on a uniform and called him names in Griffonian,” Starlight replied. “Where did you bury the remains this time?”
“Trixie upgraded the system,” Trixie replied. “There wasn’t enough left to bury.”
Sunset nodded. “Must’ve thrown her right back to the human world.”
“Okay, so an interdimensional truck is not the only way to travel between worlds,” Twilight said. “That’s something to consider in further research.”
“What if the mirror actually kills you everytime you cross the portal?” Starlight asked.
Everyone went silent and looked at her.
“This is why no one likes you, Glimmer,” Sunset said. “Also, it wasn’t an interdimensional truck, just a regular, very scary one. I think I started shitting my pants before it hit me.”
“We really didn’t need to know this, thank you.” Twilight winced. “But Starlight’s theory is interesting.” She conjured a blackboard and a piece of chalk. “So, the mirror portal, a truck, and getting shot are all known to transport you to Equestria if you use them to commit suicide…”
“No one tried to commit suicide with the mirror, though,” Sunset said. “Also, does anyone have a piece of rope? I don’t want to be here.”
“Trixie always has rope with her.” Trixie reached under the pillow and produced a coil of rope that definitely wasn’t there just a few minutes before. Sunset levitated it and examined it closer.
“Fireworks brought at least one person back to the human world.” Twilight scribbled on the blackboard, casually ignoring the fact that Sunset started to tie a noose. “For starters, we need to test what happens if Sunset crosses the portal. Then we can try different alternative methods…”
“Do you think she’ll try to make us kill ourselves?” Trixie whispered to Starlight. Sunset didn’t pay attention to them, busy attaching the rope to the ceiling.
“And then, once we learn to control the process, we may contain the unwanted travellers from other worlds before they cause trouble.” Twilight turned to Sunset who was standing on the chair with the noose around her neck. “What are you even doing?”
“Hopefully killing myself for real,” Sunset replied.
“You need therapy,” Starlight said.
“No, I need a world without Twilight Sparkle.”
“Why not kill her?” Starlight asked. She then barely dodged a magic bolt which singed her mane.
“Stop giving her ideas,” Twilight said, her horn smoking. “Besides, I’m an alicorn. It’s impossible to kill me by normal means.”
Trixie nodded and turned to Sunset. “It’s okay, you can still kill the human one. She’s mortal, right?”
Sunset rubbed her temples. “I’m not sure anymore…”
Starlight took a sip of her cocoa. “What did she even do to you? I mean, she’s a normal human, unlike our one.” She turned to Twilight. “No offense, but all alicorns seem kinda out of touch, bordering on insane. For example, Sunburst told me your niece learned that she starts thunderstorms when she’s angry and since then she abuses it to no end.”
“How old is she?” Sunset asked.
“Two.”
“Seal her in stone before she reaches puberty.” Sunset shook her head. “As for our Twilight, it’s complicated.”
“How so?” Trixie asked. “Is it because she’s straight?”
“Not quite,” Sunset replied. “I mean, look at me. I’m a forty-year-old mare stuck in a teenage body of a completely different species, in a world that is somewhat familiar, but ultimately completely different from ours. It doesn’t seem bad at first, but after a few years it starts doing things to you.”
“You got bored of your fingers?” Starlight asked.
“No, I got some bad break-ups, crippling depression, and irritable bowel syndrome,” Sunset replied. “It culminated in the IRS realising I had never once paid taxes, so I just had to–”
“Well, now you have a second chance,” Twilight said. “Now you can go back to the human world and change your life.”
Sunset looked at the chair she was standing on and at the noose around her neck. “Do I look like I want it?”
Sunset sighed and looked at the portal in front of her. “I still don’t want it.”
“Don’t worry,” Twilight said. “We’ll be with you.”
“I’m not worried,” Sunset replied. “Well, maybe a bit worried because you seem kinda obsessed and those two aren’t doing anything to stop that.”
“I just wonder where this is going,” Starlight replied.
“Trixie likes to have a place to live,” Trixie said.
“You literally sneak into the palace every winter and sometimes it takes two weeks before Twilight notices you’re here,” Starlight said. “You really don’t have to agree with her about everything.”
Trixie shook her head. “Trixie knows that if Twilight wanted, she’d turn Trixie into a lawn ornament. She’d rather not take any chances.”
“I don’t just turn ponies into lawn ornaments for sneaking into my palace,” Twilight said.
“Especially if they also sneaked into your bed.” Sunset chuckled. “Also, all alicorns are the same. When I was young and angry at Celestia, I asked her if she’d send me to the Moon. She wasn’t amused.”
“Wonder where would Cadance send ponies who pissed her off?” Starlight asked.
“To the dungeon, obviously,” Trixie replied, waggling her eyebrows.
“Sunburst once said Flurry wouldn’t bother sending ponies anywhere, she’d just turn them inside-out for fun.” Starlight smirked. “But then, who wasn’t a sociopath at the age of two?”
Twilight looked at Starlight. “Some ponies never grow out of this.”
Sunset gave Twilight a heavy glare. “Exactly.” She turned back to the portal. “Okay, let’s do this.”
She took a deep breath and walked through the mirror. Twilight, Starlight, and Trixie followed her.
One interdimensional travel later, the four mares found themselves in front of Canterlot High in the middle of the night.
“Does my counterpart really wear those hoodies?” Trixie asked. “Also, why does Trixie have twintails now?”
“You’re the one complaining about your outfit?” Starlight looked at herself. “I wonder why I never met my human counterpart.”
“I did some research,” Twilight said. “She was from Canada and got shot years ago.”
“What’s Canada?” Starlight furrowed her eyebrows. “And why’d she get shot?”
“Humans don’t take crazy cults as well as we do,” Twilight replied. “Also, at least I found out this world’s Cozy Glow is fine. She’s twelve, and she’s one of the best chess players in Crystal Prep.”
“And why did you check that?” Starlight smirked. “Conscience, huh?”
“Shut up,” Twilight muttered. “So, Sunset, how do you feel now?” She looked around, but Sunset was nowhere to be seen. “Sunset?”
“Oh, fuck me with an iron pole…” They heard Sunset’s voice, but they couldn’t see her. “Something went seriously wrong.”
“Where are you?” Twilight looked down. “Oh.”
“Why am I still a pony?!” Sunset exclaimed, waving her hooves. “This is weird. I feel naked now!”
“If that helps, you were naked before as well,” Trixie said.
“This is interesting.” Twilight said. “Do you feel exactly the same as in Equestria now? Or maybe coming to this world as a pony gave you some additional senses?”
“Yes, I can sense when someone looks at my private bits.” Sunset backed away from Twilight, walking into a wall.
Twilight nodded. “We definitely need to perform some additional tests…”
“Yeah, I have one idea.” Sunset smirked.
“That is?”
Sunset charged her horn and aimed at Twilight. A blast of reddish magic knocked the purple girl out of her shoes and threw her backwards. She flew some twenty feet back and landed in the nearby bushes with a snap suggesting that something big just broke into pieces. Trixie and Starlight hoped it was a branch.
“So, it turns out I can still use my magic here,” Sunset said, turning to Starlight and Trixie. “Oddly cathartic, don’t you think?”
Starlight clapped slowly, staring into the bushes. “Did you kill her?”
“It shouldn’t kill her, no.” Sunset shrugged.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie thinks resolving your personal problems with violence is not a great idea,” Trixie muttered.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie wants to be next, I guess.” Sunset chuckled, her pupils shrinking to pinpricks, despite the darkness. “We gotta get out of here. I need to have a word or two with the human one.”
Starlight walked to the bushes. “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, the spell didn’t kill Twilight.”
“What’s the bad news?” Trixie asked.
“Snapped neck and a large branch piercing her chest.” Starlight shrugged. “I think you can technically survive that and maybe even learn to walk again, but it doesn’t look like she did.”
“Just great,” Trixie muttered. “How are we gonna explain this to Celestia so she doesn’t throw us to the sun?”
“You won’t have to.”
Trixie, Sunset, and Starlight looked at the portal. Twilight was standing there, her eyebrows furrowed. “You were right, Sunset, dying hurts. Also, I reappeared in Equestria somewhere in Dodge Junction and it took me a while before I teleported back to the castle. Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You have no clothes,” Trixie said.
“I don’t normally wear them,” Twilight replied. “Also, Sunset just killed me for no reason. I demand an explanation.”
“You’re not a pony.” Sunset backpedalled slowly.
“Of course, the portal turned me into a human, like it’s supposed to,” Twilight said.
“Well, you still have fur and hooves and I’m not sure how you’re standing on them,” Starlight replied, shuddering. “That’s uncanny.”
“You also have boobs.” Sunset smirked. “But your face looks more pony-like.”
“Girls, can we talk about, uhh… the weirdest part of her anatomy?” Trixie asked.
“What, that she still has a horn?” Starlight shrugged. “It’s not like she’s gonna kill us.”
“No, Trixie means, like…” Trixie pointed at her crotch. “The other horn.”
“What?” Twilight looked down and frowned. “What the hell did you do to me!?” She aimed her horn at Sunset and fired a spell. She missed, leaving a patch of scorched grass next to the unicorn. Nevertheless, Sunset decided that it was time to run.
"Can I help you fire the lower horn?" Trixie asked.
“Wait! It’s hard to aim when I’m this tall!” Twilight shouted, seeing Sunset disappearing in the black of night. For some reason, Starlight followed her. “What am I gonna do?”
“Trixie suggests going back to Equestria and forgetting about it,” Trixie replied.
“I don’t want to forget about it,” Twilight said. “I want to know who’s responsible for that and why it’s Sunset.”
Trixie nodded. “In this case, we need to get you some clothes.”
Twilight sighed. “Rarity?”
“Rarity.”
Sunset stopped at the corner of the street, panting. She looked around, searching for Twilight, but fortunately, she wasn’t there. Instead, Sunset noticed that Starlight was following her, wiping sweat from her forehead with her hat.
“Okay, I’m running from Twilight because I pissed her off,” Sunset said. “But why are you going with me?”
“When Twilight is angry, I’d rather watch my ass.” Starlight shrugged. “Also, you need someone reasonable to stop you from doing something stupid to this world’s Twilight.”
“Reasonable?” Sunset asked. “She’s fucking doomed.”
“Not on my watch,” Starlight replied. “How are we gonna get to her anyway?”
“It’s simple,” Sunset said. “We’ll steal a car.”
“We’ll steal what?” Starlight asked, looking around. “I see no carts here, except for the weird ones.”
“That’s exactly what we’re going to steal.” Sunset walked to a car parked on the street. “Hmm, Ford Mustang. Flash would love it. Big, nice, completely not immune to magic.” She lit her horn and the door opened. “Get in.”
“What?” Starlight looked at the car.
“I’m a pony, I can’t drive it,” Sunset replied.
“That’s funny because I can’t drive because I’m a pony.” Starlight shrugged. “What do all those things do?”
Sunset rolled her eyes. “Don’t you have Applewood Derby in Ponyville or wherever you’re from? Also, you can drive.”
“We have, but it’s different.” Starlight shrugged. “And I never even sat in such a thing.”
“I’m telling you, you can drive,” Sunset said. “You’re taller and you have opposable thumbs.”
Starlight sat on the driver’s seat and looked around. “Okay, what should I do now?”
Sunset hopped on the passenger’s seat and looked down on the gear stick. “Shit, it's a manual transmission.”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing.” Sunset switched the gear to neutral and aimed her horn at the ignition switch. The engine came to life, rumbling at low revs. “Now, see those three pedals below your feet?”
Starlight nodded.
“The left one is the clutch, the middle is the brake, and the right one is the accelerator. Hold the left one,” Sunset said. “Keep your hands on the steering wheel.”
“I have bad feelings about this,” Starlight muttered.
“See this lever?” Sunset pointed at the gear stick. “Pull it to the left and forward. Exactly like that. No, don’t let go of the clutch! Now, disengage the handbrake.”
“Which one is this?”
“This other lever.” Sunset sighed. “Now, push the accelerator a bit and slowly let go of the clu–”
The tyres screeched and the car darted forward, sliding on the tarmac. Starlight screamed, turning the steering wheel frantically. The car spun, driving right into the lamppost.
Starlight’s face hit the airbag. She gasped, hearing the sound of the torn metal and breaking glass, followed by silence, interrupted only by the hiss of gas escaping the airbag.
“Sunset, you okay?” she asked, lifting her head and wincing at the sharp pain in her neck. She looked into the rear mirror to see a cut on her forehead.
“This shit again…” Sunset muttered, sliding off the dashboard and trying to get pieces of safety glass out of her mane. “Guess what? Those seatbelts aren’t rated for ponies. I slipped out of them, bounced off the airbag, and hit the windscreen.”
Starlight groaned. “So, are you okay?”
“First I got run over by a car and now I pierced the windscreen with my head,” Sunset replied. “I’m as far away from okay as possible. I’m so gonna sue Ford’s ass…”
“Can ponies get a lawyer in this world?” Starlight asked.
“I’m willing to find out,” Sunset replied. “Okay, we’re stealing another car.”
“Didn’t you notice that I can’t drive?” Starlight asked.
“Don’t worry, you’ll learn.” Sunset replied. “What’s the worst that can happen?”
Starlight rolled her eyes. “I wonder what Trixie and Twilight are up to…”
Rarity looked at Twilight and nodded. The fact that she was awoken in the middle of the night didn’t seem to bother her in the slightest; neither did the fact that Twilight turned into a horse-human hybrid.
“Don’t worry about that,” she said, giving Twilight another look. “I know people who are into this sort of thing. By the way, did I show you my fursona?”
Trixie furrowed her eyebrows. “We just need some clothes for her! The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn’t give a flying feather about your fursona!” She turned to Twilight and whispered, “What’s a fursona?”
“Right, clothes.” Rarity produced a measuring tape and looked down at Twilight’s newest appendage. “I’m afraid this can’t be measured with tape. I’ll have to use my mouth.”
Trixie rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on!”
“Okay, this one should do.” Sunset opened the door of the truck with her magic. “Yeah, automatic transmission. This should be easier.”
“I doubt it,” Starlight replied, taking a seat inside. “What do I do here?”
“I turn it on, you set this lever to D and go.” Sunset sat on the passenger’s seat. “Left pedal to drive, right one to brake.” She turned the engine on. “Turn the lights on, disengage the handbrake, push the accelerator gently.”
The car darted forward much faster than Sunset expected, nearly throwing her off her seat. She watched in horror as Starlight took a sharp turn, nearly driving onto the pavement.
“Go slower!” Sunset exclaimed. “I’ll guide you to Twilight’s house. Just stay on the right side of the road.”
“It’s not easy,” Starlight replied. “This thing is crazy!”
“You drive like crazy!” Sunset exclaimed. “On this street you can only go twenty miles per hour.”
Starlight looked at the controls and furrowed her eyebrows. “How fast am I even going?”
“Almost sixty and we’re near a kindergarten,” Sunset replied. “If you hit a kid, we’ll be all over the news.”
“Wait, I thought kindergartens were closed for the night?” Starlight pushed the brake pedal, almost making Sunset hit the dashboard again.
“They are, but I’m just saying.” Sunset rubbed her forehead. “You may hit some homeless bum or– Go to the left here!”
Starlight braked hard, causing Sunset to fall from her seat. When she landed on the floor, she heard police sirens somewhere above her. Starlight stopped the car.
“What’s going on?” Sunset asked.
“A police car, judging from the colours. Once you get arrested in Manehattan, you learn to recognise this shade of blue in every universe.,” Starlight replied, opening the window. “Good evening, officer,” she said.
“Good evening.” The policeman looked at Starlight and furrowed his eyebrows. “License, registration, and proof of insurance, please.”
“I’m afraid I don’t have any of these things,” Starlight replied.
The policeman’s frown deepened. “You were driving at sixty miles per hour, all over the road. How much have you had to drink?”
Starlight smiled sheepishly. “If I told you that I can’t drive at all, I’m a pony from another dimension, and I only stole that car because my friend, who is also a pony, told me so, would that make my situation any better?”
“No,” the policeman replied.
Sunset climbed back on her seat and looked at the policeman. “She’s telling the truth. I told her to drive because as you can see, I can’t really do it right now.” She looked at her hooves. “Also, I’m pretty sure my driver's licence is currently in some morgue. I don’t quite look like in the photo as well.”
This time, the policeman raised his eyebrows. This only lasted for a few seconds before his instincts kicked in. “Step out of the car, you're under arrest.”
“Why?” Starlight asked. “I told the truth.”
“Speeding, car theft, animal cruelty, and your pony friend has no seatbelts,” the policeman replied.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Sunset said. “I really didn’t want to do this.”
“Do what?” the policeman asked.
“This.” Sunset aimed her horn at the policeman and fired a spell. He took a few steps back, resting himself against his car and slid on the ground, snoring loudly. “Okay, Starlight, let’s go!”
The night was warm. Hospital pajamas and a bathrobe provided just enough warmth for her to be comfortable. She took one last look at the old, grim wall surrounding the brick pavilions of Ratched’s Hospital for the Mentally Ill and ran down the road. She remembered there was a city nearby; the hospital was surrounded by a large park, partially to make the patients more comfortable and partially to make sure they’d have to run away by foot rather than immediately catch the bus to some faraway place.
She took a deep breath and smiled. Finally, after all these years, she was free. She wanted to go home, find the impostor who put her in the nuthouse and get her payback for all the wasted time.
It didn’t take long before she reached the outskirts. Back when it was built, the hospital was indeed far from the town, but the booming economy caused it to grow, small, cozy streets with rows of neat detached houses cropping up everywhere. She wasn’t sure where her house was, but this wouldn’t stop her from finding out. She ran down the street; there was no time to waste and she needed to find the answers.
Suddenly, she heard a sound of the engine and the lights blinded her; she made no attempt to run away, only raising her hands when the truck hit her. With a horrible snap, it broke her arms immediately, throwing her on the tarmac. Her skull cracked upon impact, knocking her unconscious, so she didn’t feel pain when the truck drove over her stomach, crushing her spine and turning her innards into a pulp, flowing out of the huge gashes in her skin. The last thing she heard before she choked on her vomit and blood was the screeching of the brakes when the truck skidded to a halt.
Starlight opened the door, looked back at the body on the tarmac and threw up, shuddering.
“What happened?” Sunset asked. “It was a dog, right?”
Starlight shook her head and turned away from the carcass. “Did you have a twin sister?” she asked.
“No, why are you asking?” Sunset jumped out of the truck. “Oh shit!” She looked at her hoof, which was now dirty. "Oh shit."
“We created some temporal paradox, didn’t we?” Starlight’s face was pale and her voice seemed like she was about to throw up again.
“I mean, a lot of things that should be inside are now outside,” Sunset said. “I hope I looked better when I died.”
“Sunset, that’s literally you,” Starlight replied. “I ran you over again. This is not normal even in Equestria, not to mention this world.”
“This can’t be me,” Sunset said. “I wasn’t wearing pajamas. Also, we should probably call an ambulance.”
“What for?” Starlight asked. “I don’t think she’s alive.”
“So someone scrapes her off the tarmac before people wake up and see this.” Sunset shrugged and levitated a phone out of Starlight’s pocket. “It’s strange that you always spawn in this world with it, huh?”
“Indeed, I don’t even know how to use it.” Starlight shrugged. “Maybe I can start selling them?”
Sunset tapped the phone with her hoof. “Hello? Some shithead ran over a girl at the corner of 9th and Hennepin and she’s very dead. No, she’s not breathing and her entrails are all over the street. Come here quickly and bring a rake or something.” She put the phone down. “They’re on their way. Let’s go to Twilight.”
“Don’t you think we should wait for them?” Starlight asked.
“How? I’m still a pony and your fingerprints are all over the truck.” Sunset trotted down the pavement. “Let’s go.”
Starlight looked at the body again and winced. Then she shrugged and followed Sunset.
“We’re getting close!” Twilight exclaimed. A pair of horse-riding boots covered her hooves pretty well; she also wore a big hat concealing her horn. It was hard to do anything about the fact that she was covered in fur, but luckily, no one saw her in the middle of the night.
Trixie gasped, trying to catch a breath. She spent most of the time either defending Twilight from Rarity’s advances or running across the town, trying to catch up with her. Even more so since they heard sirens and saw an ambulance rushing towards the place where human Twilight lived.
“Do you think Sunset went full Lord Voldemort on my counterpart’s place?” Twilight asked.
“Who?” Trixie furrowed her eyebrows.
“Ah, right, it’s a book from this world,” Twilight said, running down the pavement. Suddenly, she stopped. “We’re too late!”
“What happened?” Trixie asked, looking down at the pavement. “Is this blood?”
“Yes, but look at this.” Twilight pointed at the body the paramedics were putting in the ambulance. “It seems my counterpart turned Sunset back into a human and then killed her.”
“Ah, so this is blood.” Trixie looked at her shoes. “How wonderful.”
Suddenly, her eyes rolled back and she collapsed on the ground.
“Just great,” Twilight muttered, grabbing Trixie and pulling her away. She heard police sirens somewhere in the distance and decided to go faster. Normally, she’d maybe investigate it further, but now Sunset Shimmer was dead again and she herself had turned into some abomination with a completely wrong set of genitalia – or rather, as she found out upon closer inspection, two sets of them. A scientist in her wanted to know if she could impregnate herselff, but the princess charged with law enforcement wondered if that counted as incest. Also, she was in a strange world with a travelling magician who just fainted at the sight of blood.
Twilight felt her human counterpart had things under control more than she did. Thus, she did the first thing that came to her mind.
She dragged Trixie to the nearest bus stop and decided to wait for the night bus. At least it didn’t take long, despite a bunch of police cars driving around the area, probably looking for whomever killed Sunset.
Trixie regained consciousness just as the bus arrived. Twilight walked aboard, dragging Trixie behind her and saw the stare the driver was giving her.
“Don’t ask,” she said.
“I wasn’t gonna,” the driver replied. “I’ve seen furries on my bus before. Furries, punks, Hare Krishnas, and at least one serial killer.”
“Not bad,” Trixie muttered, rubbing her forehead. When the bus drove down the road, she dropped on the nearest seat, hoping that no one had puked on it.
“To be honest, I preferred the serial killer,” the driver said. “He paid for the ticket, rode to the last stop, and walked away. The next day I read that he murdered three people, but at least he was very polite. He wished me a good night. You aren’t serial killers, by any chance?”
“Nah,” Trixie replied. “I’m a travelling magician and she’s a princess.”
“Gypsies, huh?” The driver shrugged. “Nothing against them as long as they don’t play accordions here. But you don’t have accordions.”
Trixie nodded. “Yeah, I forgot mine at home.”
“Trixie, do me a favour and shut up,” Twilight whispered.
“Actually, I know you,” the driver said. “But you wore glasses and weren’t covered in fur. Are you a werewolf?”
“Right now, I wish I was,” Twilight replied. “Also, you may mean my twin sister. She may be a serial killer, but she’s just starting.”
“A serial killer who is just starting isn’t a serial killer yet,” Trixie said. “Just a regular killer with ambitions.”
“Are you sure you didn’t hit yourself on the head when you fainted?” Twilight rolled her eyes.
The rest of the trip took place in absolute silence. Twilight and Trixie hopped off by the school and rushed to the portal.
“I hope this time it works correctly,” Twilight said. “We’ll come back tomorrow, when the police go away.”
“You’re just afraid that she’d kill you as well,” Trixie replied. “Also, what if the portal turns you into some abomination?”
“Can you imagine what’d happen if my human counterpart killed me?” Twilight shuddered. “We could disturb the balance of the multiverse.”
Trixie shrugged. “Don’t you do that every day? Also, we kinda left Starlight hanging.”
“Of course not,” Twilight replied. “Balance of the multiverse is not to be disturbed, period. Also, Starlight should be fine. She’s getting on my nerves every day and she still lives.”
“Assuming the other Twilight didn’t just disintegrate her ass.” Trixie shook her head. “Also, what about the abomination thing?”
“Mention it to anyone and I’ll use this to disintegrate your ass.” Twilight pointed at her brand new ‘lower horn’. “One way to find out,” Twilight replied, walking through the portal.
When she landed on the floor in her castle, she immediately got up and looked into the mirror. Horn – one, in the usual place. Both wings were where they used to be. Legs – four. Dick – none in sight. Twilight sighed with relief, hoping that the portal didn’t do any internal damage; she could survive if her kidneys switched places, but reversing the flow of the digestive system would be terribly inconvenient.
Blaming it on Rainbow’s cooking probably wouldn’t work.
Trixie walked out of the portal and landed on the floor. She also looked fine, except for some reason she still had twintails. “I’m hungry,” she said.
“That’s not the portal, of that I’m sure,” Twilight replied, looking around. “You’re always hungry.”
“You may laugh, but being a travelling magician burns a lot of calories.” Trixie looked around. “Where’s Spike when you need him?”
“Spike is not your personal servant.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “I thought we’ve been through this.”
Before Trixie could reply, the door opened and Spike walked it. Trixie turned to him. “Hello, Twilight’s not-personal-servant!” she exclaimed. “Can Trixie get a peanut butter sandwich?”
“Trixie can go and make one herself,” Spike replied. “We have a problem with Sunset.”
“Indeed, she’s dead,” Twilight said. “And it seems my human counterpart killed her.”
“Not really,” Spike replied. “She teleported into my bed and she’s an absolute mess.”
Trixie groaned. “Just great! We’re trying to save her from the crazier and more insane Twilight and she just tries to get into Spike’s bed while we’re away.”
“Who sleeps in my bed is my own business,” Spike replied, sending Trixie into a fit of guffawing. “Can someone who isn’t The Great and Immature Trixie help me with Sunset?”
Twilight shrugged and walked to Spike’s bedroom. There was indeed Sunset there, shuddering and staring into the distance. Her fur was drenched in sweat and she was breathing heavily.
“What happened, Sunset?” Twilight asked.
“I–” Sunset took a deep breath. “I got hit by a truck.”
“We know about it already,” Twilight replied. “Weren’t you kinda over this? At least given how you left us to kill my human counterpart.”
“What?” Sunset asked. “No, I just ran away from the hospital where I was locked for years! I was gonna find that fucking doppelganger who took over my life and get rid of her, but before I could do that I got hit by a truck and woke up with this weird lizard.” She looked at Spike. “That’s some seriously fucked up afterlife, by the way. I mean, I’m a Hinduist, but I didn’t think I’d reincarnate as a horse.”
Twilight nodded. “What if I told you that your doppelganger was a unicorn from a parallel universe and for some reason everyone who dies in your world somehow ends up in here?”
“Which is still better than dead foals,” Spike said. “At least you don’t have to clean as much.”
“Fuck,” Sunset muttered. “They gave me Screw Loose’s meds again and I’m hallucinating.”
“I’m afraid not,” Twilight said. “If you want, we can go right back to your world. I have a handy portal in my castle. Then you can talk with your pony counterpart, assuming the other Twilight didn’t kill her.”
“What?”
“It’s a long story.” Twilight sighed. “Let’s say your pony counterpart also got hit by a truck.”
“Serves her right,” Sunset muttered. “When the last thing you feel is a fucking hubcap getting embedded in your ass, it can really ruin your day. Or night. Or a drug trip. So you’re saying I can go back to my world, right?”
“Yes,” Twilight replied. “The portal is probably malfunctioning a bit, but–”
“May I stay?” Sunset asked. “This place looks kinda nice. How’s the rest of this world?”
“Less crystal-y,” Trixie replied. “Also, you can live in this castle for as long as you want. Spike cooks the best pinecone soup in the–”
“I’d rather invite ponies to live in my castle myself.” Twilight sent Trixie a cold glare.
“What?” Trixie waved her hooves. “You left Starlight with your murderous counterpart and her murderous and suicidal counterpart, so we have some extra space anyway.”
Twilight rolled her eyes, facing away from Trixie. “I swear, I’ll start charging rent…”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn’t believe in rent, taxes, and royalty’s right to rule over other ponies.”
“Is this why you disappeared when Derpy brought us the letter from the tax office?” Spike asked. “You know that they’ll arrest you even if you don’t receive the letters, right?”
“This is not important right now,” Trixie replied. “The real problem is, what happened to Starlight?”
Starlight was sitting on the couch in Twilight’s room, not quite sure what to make of the scene happening in front of her. Thus, she just decided to relax and sip her cocoa.
“You know I wanted to talk about us, right?” Sunset rolled her eyes. She was sitting on Twilight’s lap, her mane styled in a nice braid. Twilight was currently brushing Sunset’s tail, but Sunset barely paid attention to it. “You’re such an insufferable nerd, you know? Even our relationship was some social experiment or something…”
“I’m just glad to have you back,” Twilight replied.
“If it wasn’t for some dumb magic, the only thing that’d have me back would be larvae and other worms,” Sunset said. “I wonder how to get my human body back…”
“I like you as a pony.” Twilight resumed brushing Sunset’s tail.
“Oh, shut up.” Sunset rolled her eyes. “I’m gonna zap you with my horn, anyway.”
“You had, like, ten occasions to do that,” Starlight said. “Yet, you let her brush your mane and put nail polish on your hooves. If you really want to zap her, you’re playing the long game.”
“Don’t be such a smartass, Glimmer.” Sunset sighed and turned to Twilight. “Can you scratch my back?”
“Sure,” Twilight replied.
Starlight stood up. “I’ll bring more cocoa.”
“Yes, please.” Sunset purred when Twilight scratched her ear. “With marshmallows.”
Starlight sighed and shook her head. “Okay,” she replied. “With extra marshmallows.”