Discord creates magical televisions to deliver a message to Equetria and beyond: They have forgotten a lot of history and he is going to fill them in.
Across the lands of Equestria, Discord sends devices so that everyone can hear and see a message from him: The message being a multi-segment lesson in some of Equestria's lost history. With various guests, they shall recount such events as the real version of Hearth's Warming, forgotten heroes and villains, and wars few could imagine today.
"All viewers of this program are invited to leave their own questions for Discord and his guests."
Note: Not really an AU so much as putting in new material with only minor bending to canon. Inspired by the "If The Emperor Had a Podcast" videos.
All across Equestria and beyond, creatures suddenly found strange boxes in their homes. These boxes possessed a glass mirror on what they could only assume was the front. Sticking out of the top of it were several oddly shaped crystals that even a dragon would find impossible to eat and unappealing in taste anyway. *BZZT!*BZZT!* *Tap-tap!*
"Is this thing on?" Discord asked as he tapped the screen.
"The fire is on and green, so, yeah?" Spike pointed out dryly.
"Keep up the sass, Spikick, we'll get wonderful ratings," Discord encouraged with a laugh. "Now to set the mood," he commented, snapping his finger as he floated back to sit in a freshly created chair next to a cozy fireplace, staring directly at the viewers. "Hellllllo, everyone! I am Discord the Draconequus: Former villain and everyone's favorite Lord of Chaos. The pleasure is yours, I'm sure. Here as a guest is fellow reformed villain and potential Alicorn of Time, Starlight Glimmer," he introduced, waving to the purple unicorn mare.
"Greetings everypo- wait, is this just to Equestria?" Starlight asked curiously. In response, Discord held out his arms far apart, the limbs stretching out comically. "Greetings everyone! Sorry, Discord doesn't like to fill in the specifics of any plan he makes."
"You assume I have a plan beyond the idea," Discord refuted casually. "Also with us to confirm that I'm not making anything up is a fellow Legend of Old. You know him as the Pot-Master himself, give it up for the stallion of a hundred bells, Starswirl the Bearded!" Discord declared, waving his hand as the unicorn appeared in a poof of smoke.
"I'm suppose to believe that strange device of crystals and plundervines is projecting us across all of Equestria and beyond?" the elderly wizard asked skeptically.
"Can you believe Discord can make it do that?" Starlight reminded with a raised eyebrow.
"Fair point," Starswirl acknowledge with an eye roll.
"And last but not least, we have my fellow gamer, Spike the Dragon," Discord introduced before smirking. "Not to be confused with Spike the Dog."
"Haha, very funny," Spike responded sarcastically before he looked to the camera with a smile. "I'm here because, apparently, years of using my fire breath as a means to teleport letters makes this entire thing work easier if I'm present."
"Oh, don't be like that Spike: You're also here to be the ignorant youngling," Discord informed with a smug look.
"Gee, thanks," Spike deadpanned.
"No, that's actually good here: You'll get to soak up the real truth while ones like Starlight have to unlearn and relearn history with the rest of the audience," Discord explained before looking directly at the viewers. "Which brings us to the reason for this little program. I have created and magically distributed these devices across the lands in order to share a few words with you. This is primarily for the ponies of Equestria, but it should prove informative for the denizens of the world in general. The reason being-"
"The reason being that Discord has discovered how much history we messed up and is very disappointed in us all," Starlight explained with an amused look.
"A sentiment I share, as do the rest of the Pillars of Old Equestria share, albeit not that harshly. How my stu-er, the Princess allowed such negligence in the record keeping, I can't imagine," Starswirl remarked.
"Don't worry, I'll get them on here one day," Discord promised with a scheming look and a sly wink at his audience.
"Yeah, but that doesn't explain why you care?" Spike pointed out, scowling at the furniture. "Or why you have the only chair."
"It's simple, my dear scalemego!" Discord stated as he held up his lion paw, a piece of paper floating in it. "It's true, I can't deny, at what I do I am the best, for my talents are renowned far and wide," Discord remarked proudly as the paper folded into an origami bird, flapping its wings and emitting a shuffling-tweet sound. "For Chaos is change. But change doesn't mean squat if no one knows the original, if they don't have anything to compare it to," he finished grimly as the bird flew into the fire.
"Okay, deep. Dark, but deep," Spike remarked with wide eyes.
"So, that would make you not only the Lord of Chaos, but...?" Starlight realized with eyes of excited interest, not unlike her teacher's.
"The Keeper of History, if only by proxy," Discord answered with a nod as he looked at the screen with a dead serious expression. "Which is why you should know that everything I say on the subject is the truth as I know it."
"Which brings me to this rather infuriating issue," Starswirl mused as he turned to the viewer with a solemn but reassuring look. "Creatures of Equestria and beyond, take heed. While what you have learned is not implicitly wrong, I have found that in Equestria, there IS missing much from it. Even side trotting how knowledge of entities such as Discord, Nightmare Moon, and my allies has practically fallen into the realm of myth, there is a very large gap of time that no pony seems to recall in any manner."
"About five hundred years," Discord stated as he plucked out a hair from his tail, made it float and enlarged it. He pointed to a small section at the right most(to the viewers') end of thread, turning it a dark purple. "This is the current era, the last few years basically. Then you have Celestia's Solo Reign," he continued as well over half of the line turned light green. "Then you have the Era of Two Sisters," A blue band, larger than the purple, but dwarfed by the green. "And, finally, what I'm calling the Lost Quincentenary," he finished, motioning to the a sizable chunk, uncolored and covered in question marks.
"Discord, use real words," Spike mock-scolded. In response, a dictionary appeared in front of him. "'Of or relating to five-hundred years'...Oh," Spike realized with a blank look, refusing to meet Discord's cheeky grin.
"We missed that much? How many years of that was before the union of the three tribes?" Starlight asked in amazement.
"Depends on how you look at it," Discord answered with a shrug.
"He's referring to the fact that the events covered in the tale of Hearth's Warming is actually a condensed and bare bones account of something that took decades to happen," Starswirl explained.
"So...do we have to rewrite the plays?" Spike asked curiously as Starlight just gaped for a second.
"Oh, no, it's true enough for a reenactment," Starswirl waved off in assurance.
"Yeah, I may want the textbooks to get this right, but I'm alllll for creative liberties when you're making entertainment," Discord said encouragingly. "Curious creatures will come looking for the truth, I just want it to be there to be found."
"And why haven't you brought this up before?" Spike asked curiously.
"I didn't think anyone would believe me without someone to vouch for me," Discord stated with a knowing look.
"...Yeah, fair point," Spike relented. "So, what's so special about this age though? I mean, Celestia had a thousand years of peace. Was this just hundreds of years of ponies getting their acts together?"
Discord and Starswirl shared a look. "We'll let history do the telling," Starswirl stated ominously.
"Now, let's begin," Discord mused as he made a series of numbers and words appear overhead
[456-398 BF: Winter of Strife]
"For now, we'll start at the beginning: The Winter of Strife, essentially the true account of Hearth's Warming," Discord explained as Starlight raised a hoof.
"Question. What does BF stand for?" she asked in interest, taking mental notes
"Before Founding, of the Kingdom of Equestria, that is," Discord supplied. "But to mosy back a bit further, there is one interesting bit of information to bring up before this point," he added as the floating date changed.
Starswirl sighed as he read the words:
[489 BF: First known appearance of Starswirl the Bearded.]
"Wait, wouldn't that make you...hundreds of years old even before getting stuck in Limbo?" Spike remarked with wide eyes towards the mage.
"He is rather spry for an old timer," Discord mused as he snapped his talons, the room being replaced by the scenery of rocky hill tops. The sky was clear and blue, with only bits of moss and grass throughout the lands.
"Okay, we know when we are, but...where?" Starlight asked curiously.
"The Hills of Apollocorn," Starswirl remarked, looking down over the slope next to them
In the valley below, they could see a large red snake as large as any stallion with spikes along its spine. It hissed and leered at a grey coated, but beardless and bell-less unicorn who was throwing spells and levitating rocks to keep the creature at bay.
"This is where I fought Asclepent, a giant snake with great resistance to magical attacks," Starswirl remarked heavily.
"Why? I mean, this seems to be the middle of nowhere," Spike remarked.
"Different era, Spike," Discord remarked casually as he sipped a chocolate milk of glass. "This was the tail-end of what we'll simply call the Dark Ages, when all manner of monstrous creatures lurked between every town and village."
"This event made me famous, but for all the wrong reasons," Starswirl remarked, shaking his head.
"Huh? Wasn't it ransacking a settlement? Or did it just stumble upon you?" Starlight questioned, concerned for his mood.
"Oh, I sought the creature out, and I was led to believe it was a threat to ponies," Starswirl answered with a humorless smile.
"I get the feeling we won't like where this is going," Spike commented as Discord cleared his throat.
"Yes, well, while Asclepent was a monster in a sense, it only ever attacked in defense of this earth pony settlement of Delponi that had developed an alliance with the creature, for protection. It also had healing venom, believe it or not. The nearby unicorns of Poncia had issues with Delponi, so they used Bells here to neutralize their advantage in the form of a giant "Buck off" cobra," Discord explained wryly.
"Wow...," Spike said with wide eyes.
"That's horrible!" Starlight remarked.
"By modern standards. That was almost expected at the time," Discord mused apathetically as the scenery faded away in a slow spin of colors.
"Whatever happened to them?" Starswirl questioned with morbid curiosity.
"Cold war, nearly wiped out by Windigos, and the survivors moved into other city-states," Discord answered with a dismissive wave. "If it helps, that heal-biter would have died in the Great Winter anyway."
"It doesn't," Starswirl admitted with a sigh. "Still, it does help give context for this era. Back when the power of Friendship was still an unrealized force of magic."
"Yes, well, not to be too grim, but you are right," Discord remarked, showing several still images of ill-events: Pegasi legions preparing to hold the line against a swarm of Rocs, Dragons and Ursa Majors fighting in the background of a small village, shamanistic zebras combating packs of timberwolves. "What you call a villain today, we called par for the course."
"Epic. Scary, but epic," Spike remarked as he soaked in the image of ancient conflicts.
"I'm starting to see why our ancestors might have wanted to forget this," Starlight remarked with wide eyes. "Not that I agree of course!"
"Good save, I was about to take offense," Discord remarked with a smirk.
"Wait, so...wait, if it was that bad here, it had to be that bad everywhere, right?" Spike realized in confusion. "How come no one else remembers this?"
"The older Dragons do, they just don't care. Yakistan wasn't a thing yet. The Griffons probably have some records, but they've been dealing with a lot of political infighting. Everyone else? Who knows, maybe we'll ask them later," Discord answered with a shrug as he snapped away the images, replacing them with a new date.
[456 BF: The Winter of Strife Begins]
"Now, lets set the scene," Discord mused as the background shifted for them to appear as if on a lower-bearing cloud, looking out onto plains. On the left, one could see a town, almost a small city in its own right, surrounded by large wooded walls and fields of crops. Across the large open landscape to the right of it was a castle on top of a cliff side, overlooking the fields. Above and between the two settlements was a third city, one made entirely of clouds. "Now, let's just set one thing absolutely straight here: The three tribes in the story are NOT the only pony tribes," Discord informed.
"I really don't understand where that misconception came from," Starswirl commented with a scowl. "To be frank, the Realms of Pegazeus, Haydes and Ponsiden were not that well known or powerful."
"In reverse order, that's Unicorns, Earth Ponies, and Pegasi if you weren't keeping up," Discord informed quietly, as if whispering to the viewers.
"Wait, didn't the unicorns raise the sun and moon back then?" Starlight recalled, scratching her chin.
"Wasn't that your job?" Spike commented, pointing toward Starswirl.
"Well, if you take into account Ponsiden is being represented in most stories as the home of all of unicorns, it's not exactly wrong," Discord mused with idle amusement.
Starswirl rolled his eyes. "While this piece of history is correct, they have it backwards: The ponies that aided me in moving the celestial orbs-"
"Bells, keep it PG, and you know Celestia is trying to lose weight," Discord joked with a wicked grin.
"Really?" Starlight and Spike deadpanned.
"Are you done?" Starswirl questioned drolly.
"For now," Discord answered with a shrug.
"As I was trying to say, the unicorns I worked with were from all manner of unicorn settlements and even hermits, brought together by our willingness to ensure that the cycle of day and night would continue," Starswirl finished.
"Then...the whole thing about there being an alliance of equal trading between the three tribes was made up?" Starlight asked with a scowl.
"Oh no, it's better," Discord answered, before chuckling. "The horn-heads on the cliff were the ones making all the equipment for the feathered-flanks and the farmers. Telekinesis is surprisingly very helpful with blacksmithing and crafting."
"That...actually makes more sense than the story," Spike remarked in surprise.
"The trading agreement, to my memory, was actually a lot more complicated, but is more or less irrelevant for this topic," Starswirl added in.
"What is important is to know why it took five years for the trio-tribes to realize something was amiss in their winter wonderland," Discord remarked as the setting was suddenly covered in snow...except for where they were standing and sitting, of course. "You see, in this place and time, having a winter that spanned multiple years was rare, but not unheard of."
"How'd they make it through those other times?" Spike asked curiously.
"Winter crops helped, and earth ponies had developed a habit of stocking up for long winters, and using any excess for celebration come spring," Starswirl explained.
"But worst came to worst, there was also a lot of trading goods with other tribes elsewhere in the world," Discord added in with a chuckle. "You ponies have an interesting habit of forgetting just how big the world is outside your homes."
"Admitted drawback of being order-based creatures," Starlight admitted with a sigh.
Discord blinked before clapping in praise. "You actually admit order and harmony has a downside! I'm so proud, Twilight would nevvvver say such a thing," Discord stated with a playful grin as Starlight rolled her eyes.
"Moving on, so, you said five years?" Spike reminded, wanting to continue hearing this tale.
"It took five years for them to start getting worried as they never had one that long before," Discord clarified, his tail tip spinning as the snow piled over the landscape grew thick and deep. "Then the sixth year came."
"I'm guessing it got worse?" Starlight deduced with a wince.
"Very," Discord summarized as the sky turned dark grey with clouds, the snow grew even thicker while ice covered large chunks of the cliff, trees and the walls of Haydes.
"Up until now, the Windigos had been...spread thin over the many realms," Starswirl started grimly. "This is when many of them converged on these three tribes."
"Because of the disharmony between the tribes, right?" Spike guessed, wondering if that was wrong or not.
"Okay, stop the kettle right there," Discord demanded with a scowl. "That piece of propaganda I take personal offense with. Despite what ancient ponies liked to think, I am NOT the source of all problems in the world and am not associated with the frosty herds," he corrected with a huff, arms crossed in indignation.
"In fairness, we thought you were more Dark Lord than Chaos Lord at first," Starswirl reminded.
"Wait, what does he mean about being the source of all problems? Er, not being, I guess?" Spike questioned in confusion.
"Best not to bring it up right now," Starswirl forewarned cautiously before looking up with a thoughtful look. With a zap from his horn, he formed a series of backwards letters and numbers.
"Wrong way, Bells," Discord commented, reaching up to spin the text around rapidly before it landed in the correct position:
[450-444 BF: Winter of Strife Worsens]
"Anyway, this is when the Winter of Strife became so terrible that it could be considered a miniature, what do you all call them now? An Ice Age?" Starswirl asked, stroking his beard.
"What did you used to call them?" Spike asked jokingly.
"Bucking cold," draconequus and unicorn answered in sync.
"Do you even get cold?" Starlight questioned to Discord.
"I notice temperature by how much magic I need to burn to keep myself comfortable," Discord answered offclawedly. "Now, with this sudden influx of 'even more freezing,' the ponies here were in a pickle. Even their winter-crops were starting to freeze and die while traveling outward was becoming increasing difficult for all tribes."
"In fairness, even with tension rising, they manage to stay more or less at peace for another six years," Starswirl remarked.
"That number comes up a lot with ponies," Spike commented with a knowing look as Discord rolled his eyes.
"Still, with how hard keeping food in supply was becoming, things started to look grimmer and grimmer," Discord remarked. "As you might remember with the play, the three tribes got together to try and solve the problem. Things were...civil for a while. Compromises were made, scouting missions for food were made, and a few miracles happened."
"Miracles? Like what?" Spike asked curiously.
"The Imperial Timberwolf," Starswirl remembered with a bowed head.
"The what?" Spike asked with a scowl of confusion as a large, vaguely canine formation of wood and plants appeared in the fields before being covered in snow.
"A rare and powerful sub-race of Timberwolves," Starswirl explained, pausing in consideration. "They are essentially sentient Forests, more or less the timberwolf equivalent of an Alicorn."
"Fascinating. I didn't even know they were sapient," Starlight remarked in surprise.
"Yes, well, this was a young, lost one that got caught in the Windigo trap around 440 BF. Knowing it was going to die, it channeled its magic to make its corpse produce a great deal of fruits, berries and other edibles for the tribes. Enough to last them well over a year before the nature magic ran out," Discord explained with a bittersweet smile. "Had that winter just been a whim of nature, that wolf would be hailed in your legends to this day. Unfortunately, it was largely forgotten in the wake of what happened next."
"This is where negotiations break down, isn't?" Starlight guessed in dread.
"Completely," Discord remarked as the overhead text changed again.
[435-431 BF: War of Rations]
The scene shifted once more, the timbercorpse shrunken and covered by snow. But more importantly, there were now many ponies in the field.
All of them with armor and weapons.
"By Celestia," Starlight murmured in horror at the implication.
"On the contrary, Celestia never had much stomach for war," Starswirl commented with a sigh. "I suppose I shouldn't blame her for letting those slip into obscurity."
"Thus dawns the War of Rations, during the height of the Winter of Strife. Pony killing pony for less and less food. Four years of fighting for table scraps," Discord remarked, head in his hand. "Even I don't want to make this sound funny."
"Four years?! How did they survive that long?" Spike questioned in disbelief.
"As I said, I'm keeping this mostly PG. The horrors of that war of desperation is not something I'll touch upon live on the air," Discord stated plainly.
"Thank you," Starswirl said with a relieved look. "That is a topic for a history book, not an or-"
"Holy buck, they ate each other, didn't they?!" Spike realized with wide, numb eyes.
Discord facepalmed as Starswirl groaned, inciting Starlight to turn green with nausea. "Well, thanks Spike, now that's out in the open," the chaos lord remarked dryly.
"I'm sorry, it slipped out!" Spike apologized as Discord poofed up a bucket for Starlight.
"Take it off stage," Discord ordered with a sigh as she ran off.
"Well, to take out minds off that, there is ONE good thing to cover in that war," Starswirl remarked with a small smile.
"Like what? Ponies inventing Barbeq-" Spike stopped, wincing as Starlight started retching in the background. "Sorry, sorry, I can't stop thinking about it!" he groaned, burying his face into his claws.
"Okay, I'm just going to show it," Discord remarked, snapping his claw as the image went black before fading to another scene. Scene as in a moving image.
It was a close up, first-pony perspective of a battlefield. Harsh winds blew under a dark sky of impenetrable clouds, over a plain of snow littered with pony bodies, flags, and weapons.
And then, all at once, the winds died down as a soft glow covered the injured soldiers. The frame of view pulled back to reveal a stunning sight.
Two Alicorns: two blank-flanked, non-flowy-maned but still very familiar Alicorns walking through the battlefield, their magic healing all that they passed indiscriminately.
"I may egg on you ponies for how much you worship those two, but I get why," Discord remarked with a fond look.
"Celestia and Luna?" Starlight remarked in surprise, wiping the last of her sick from her mouth as she returned.
"Before they had cutie marks!" Spike pointed out in surprise.
"Yes, this was the first time we knew of their existence," Starswirl explained with a smile. "They've been watching after all of ponykind long before they became princesses."
"Are they younger, as in physically, or I am just imagining them seeming a bit shorter?" Starlight questioned with squinted eyes.
"Luna's about the same size, but this is before Celestia got all her inches," Discord answered in amusement.
"Luna's biggest pet peeve about her millennial absence is that she has no idea if she would be bigger now otherwise," Starswirl mused with what almost sounded like teasing.
"Their arrival marked the end of the Ration Wars, thankfully," Discord continued. "After that, the Winter finally began to lessen."
"Why?" Spike asked curiously. "What changed?"
"Windigos actually feed on fear, not disharmony," Starswirl revealed grimly. "After that war, the survivors didn't fear much anymore. Nothing the Windigos could do at least."
"With some Divine Intervention from the future princesses, the ponies finally managed to break out to the outside world again," Discord explained. "But the ponies no longer wanted to stay and risk another winter like this. So each of the three nations started to send out scouts to find a new place to live. A new place for each of them, obviously. This leads up to our cliffhanger," he mused as the texts shifted again...only, this one didn't have a date.
[The Great Migrations]
"And that is where we'll leave it until next time," Discord finished as their surroundings faded back into a cozy home with a fireplace. "So, what'd you all think of my first history chaoscast?"
"Very entertaining, I believe, so it should keep the audience's attention while learning," Starswirl praised lightly.
"But why stop here?" Spike questioned.
"Because this is about the half-way point of this tale and the rest is still...complicated," Discord explained before chuckling. "Also, no offense to our current horned duo, but I have different guests in mind for this next part."
"Fair enough," Starlight accepted with a shrug, glancing at the viewers. "So, are we done? Cause that thing is still on, I think."
"Oh yes, I just got some last minute things to do," Discord answered as he focused on the audience. "Denizens of all over, I welcome all of you to send in questions for myself, Spike, and future guests to read off and answer. Preferably ones related to what we are or have already showed you, but I'll welcome random questions, of course. Merely write them out a letter and insert them into the thin slot on your TC."
"TC? Does the C stand for Chaos?" Spike asked with a raised eyebrow.
"No, actually: Telecrystals," Discord answered with a chuckle. "Anyway, that's all folks! Say goodbye everyone!"
"Thanks for watching!" Starlight waved.
"Farewell. Always happy to impart knowledge," Starswirl said, nodding to the viewers.
"See you next time, everyone!" Spike called with a wide smile.
The screen was suddenly filled with the flag of Equestria, a purple field coated in white stars with the Sun and Moon in the center being circles filled with the likeness of Celestia and Luna.
"ATTENITION CITIZENS OF EQUESTRIA! This Chaoscast is to be given Aetherial-Precedence! So listen very carefully to this important session!
Thought for the day: Harmony is spelled Aitch, A, Ar, Em, O, En, Wye. You are always three letters from Harm!"
*BZZT!*
The image was suddenly replaced with the cozy fireplace, a very confused Spike looking up at Discord. "Was that Iron Will?" he asked, pointing at the recording device.
"Yeah, I let him be the announcer since there won't be much on the Minotaurs for the foreseeable future, or past for that matter," Discord mused idly. "They should really update that flag though."
"I think they just made it a purple background to include Twilight until they get a better design," Spike mused. "Where were we?"
"You mean the show or our conversation?" Discord inquired with a head tilt.
"Right, now I remember: You're supposed to answer questions at the end, Discord, not the start! That's how all interviews and lessons work!" Spike pointed out.
"I'm naturally opposed to anything I'm supposed to do. Besides, just think of it as an epilogue to the last segment!" Discord encouraged with a grin.
"That's not how epilogues work. I know! I've lived in two different libraries my whole life! And I'm still half living in two completely different ones these days," Spike argued.
"Yes, yes, I've already agreed to be present and help restrain Twilight for the intervention with her Book-Addiction," Discord waved off, poofing in a crystal pillory.
"We never said she had to be restrained," Spike deadpanned.
"You never said I couldn't. It's boring if someone isn't getting tied up, and Rainbow and Applejack do that enough already," Discord mused with a wicked grin as the drakeling facepalmed.
"What was that about PG?" Spike murmured before looking at the construct curiously. "Is that safe to eat at least?"
"Why do you think I brought it up?" Discord answered expectantly. With a smirk and a licking of his chops, Spike flew over to the crystalline device and started to munch into it as he slid off screen. "Well, I'll just settle this how I do most decisions," Discord mused as he poofed up a bit-coin. He held it up to show the face of Celestia on one side and Luna's on the other. "Suns, we do the questions now, Moons, at the end," Discord declared, flipping the coin high in the air as the view tracked its motion. It reached its apex-
-and was promptly hit by three bullets, five arrow, a slung pebble, two laser beams, a miniature Rainbow Dash going Rainboom, and a...shield?
The piece of currency finally fell into the palm of the draconequus who scowled at Luna's likeness. "Buck it all, Celestia! Why do you never win when I want you to?" he murmured in distaste.
"Come on, show at least a little respect, Lord Discord."
Into the shot came a pegasus stallion with a brilliant amber coat and a red mane, covered in iron armor with a symbol of wings on the helmet, and the shield Netitus on his back.
"Sergeant Flash Magnus," Discord drawled with an ancient, wry smirk on his face as the pegasus approached with a nervous smile.
"Wow," Spike said as he walked back into view, wiping crystal crumbs from his mouth. "I think that's the most respectful Discord's been in...ever."
"Okay, now you're exaggerating, just a little," Discord rebuked with mostly-mock offense, Spike returning it with a raised eyebrow while Magnus looked between them, a bit perplexed. "Anyway, I see you got the museum to let you borrow back your old shield for this premier," Discord mused, looking back to the former Legionnaire.
"Well, technically, it's still mine, I think? It's "on loan" to them when I don't need it," he tried to explain with a sigh. "Even with us understanding the new language instantly, all these new concepts aren't easy to learn."
"Yeah, how did that work, anyway?" Spike asked in interest.
"It's ya Colt," Discord raised his claw as a half wave.
"Why am I not surprised that you were there and not helping?" Spike asked with an eye roll.
"Yes, I'm sure wasting precious time fine tuning the translating spells wouldn't have been an inconvenience at all," Discord commented sarcastically. "Anyway, where the buck is Twilight?"
"You did remember to tell her she'd be a guest on here, right?" Spike asked curiously.
Discord blinked at that "I thought that was your department, Spi-"
*ZAP*WHAM*Bumpbumpbump!*
It was in that instant that Twilight Sparkle teleported in midair, slamming into Discord and knocking him backwards in his chair, tilting it to fall on its back.
*BLLLLLLLLLR*
The scene turned to an image of Derpy with a wrench in her mouth and the words beneath her reading: "We're experiencing Technical Difficulties - Please Stand By!"
*BZZT*BZZT*
"-do not get to come on to my show and threaten me for spoilers!" Discord scolded to Twilight, now securely chained down to a stool while he sat in his chair, wrapping a bandage around his tail.
"Discord! We fixed it!" Spike yelled as his fingers moved across the screen.
"I wouldn't have to if you normally weren't so insufferable about sharing information!" Twilight countered with a growl, spitting out some hair.
"And that's another thing! I give you props for biting me, but if you ever do that again, I will curse you with the Touch of Cheesus!" Discord warned, glaring at the former unicorn.
Twilight gasped in anger and fear. "You wouldn't dare!" she retorted defiantly.
"Discord?" Spike called in concern.
"That's right! Every book you ever touch will turn to Cheese! And yes, even with your magic!" Discord declared with an evil grin. Twilight held her ground, but gradually dissolved in quivering muscles and shaky eyes at the prospect.
"...Beginning to see where the Dark Lord vibes came from," Spike mumbled to Flash Magnus, who nodded slowly.
"Hm? Yes, what did you two want?" Discord asked curiously, glancing to the other two.
"Umm, we fixed this device of mass image-messaging, Lord Discord," Magnus informed awkwardly.
"Oh, splendid! We were getting sooo off script," Discord mused with a suddenly pleased look.
"You have a script?" Spike asked skeptically as he and the pegasus of legends wandered back into view.
"Somebody does," Discord answered with a shrug as he looked to the viewers. "Sorry for the delay, everyone! We had a bit of hiccup in communications. Thank you for joining another segment of Chaoscast! I am your host, the ever enviable Discord the Draconequus and as always, we have our miniature ball of scales, Garbunkle the Wizard, but known six out of seven days as Spike," Discord introduced.
"Hi everyone! Hey, Discord, can I do the rest of the intro?" Spike asked hopefully.
Discord glared at Twilight for a moment. "Well, I guess I can save my revenge for another day," Discord agreed, waving him on.
"Revenge? Seriously?" Twilight asked with an exasperated look.
"You bit my bucking tail!" Discord reminded, five arms pointing to his assaulted limb, Twilight blushing in embarrassment.
"Ahem!" Spike interrupted, drawing attention to him as he waved his arms towards Magnus. "Innnnnn this corner, still fresh out of Limbo, weighing in at one-thousand years and more of pure badflankery, the original definition of Pegasus Awesomeness! Give it up for the Stallion of Cloudsdale himself, Flaaaashhhhhh Magnuuuuuuus!" Spike declared with a surprisingly deep voice as Magnus blinked but quickly saluted in pride to the viewers.
"An honor to be here to talk about the old days, Ponies of Equestria and Creatures of Lands Beyond!" Magnus called out proudly.
"And over here is the Princess of Magic, Twilight Sparkle," Spike added on casually, smirking in amusement as Discord laughed long and hard.
"Really? That's all I get?" Twilight deadpanned.
"Well, you did bite him. Granted, I know it didn't hurt, but still," Spike reminded with a shrug.
"You know how I get when I'm desperate for information!' Twilight countered despite her flushed cheeks before sighing. "Fine, I'm sorry, Discord. Can you let me out now?" she requested apologetically.
"No ship, be it friendship nor princessship entitles you to spoilers, nor does being a spoiled bookfilly," he informed, crossing his arms stubbornly.
"Come on Discord, you did want her here anyway," Spike implored, giving his game night compatriot a hopeful look.
Discord pouted childishly, grumbling about princesses getting away with everything before snapping his fingers. "Try that again and you'll be spending the show as an earth pony," he warned as her bindings fell off and faded into the ground with a *Schlurp!* sound.
"Yes, yes, now can we get onto the lesson or can I ask questions on the last one?" Twilight asked eagerly.
"You better not make this boring," Discord commented dully as he cracked his neck. "Okay, without further ado, let's pick up where we left off!" he declared as big, bolded words appeared above them.
[421 BF: The Great Migrations]
"Last we left off, Kaykay and Lulu gave some equinitarian aid to the tribes, which convinced them to try to find a new home instead of freezing and starving where they were," Discord recounted. "And in 421 BF, the Great Migrations officially began."
"Wait, the War of Rations ended in 431 BF, what happened during the decade in between?" Twilight questioned with a scowl.
"Low-tier efforts to rebuild with largely unsuccessful efforts to relocate to nearby areas." Discord explained away with a shrug.
"Why, on both?" Spike asked curiously.
"The histories weren't clear on that even in my time," Magnus commented curiously.
"You ponies are a sentimental lot, so of course some tried to hold out hope for saving their homes," Discord explained with a raised eyebrow as he gave the obvious answer. "But the why they didn't relocate nearby is only obvious if you were there: they had already picked the prime locations with their original settlements, so they eventually realized that any small change in location would involve a lot of effort that left them in about the same conditions, if not worse," he elaborated before looking thoughtful. "There was a legendary lost scouting expedition, but that's for another time. Anyway, the last few years before the Migrations were just preparations for the big move."
"And from what I could get out of Discord, this is another thing we get really wrong," Spike commented knowingly.
"I'm actually not surprised. It always did seem a bit too coincidental that the three tribes all just found the same place," Twilight mused, nodding to herself as she began to take notes.
Discord rolled his eyes while Flash Magnus cleared his throat. "Not precisely, Princess," the Old Pillar of Bravery remarked, glancing to Discord who waved him on with a pleased and indulging smile. "This mistake is easy to forgive as modern ponies would have trouble understanding the devastation left by the Windigos, or that our ancestors didn't have Equestria fully mapped."
"The Great Migration lasted a dozen years," Magnus explained solemnly.
Twilight's eyes dilated into pinpricks as her notepad and quill dropped to the floor. "Twelve years!? What, but, how? They were already starving!" she asked slowly.
"I'm happy to say that cannibalism was a very rare answer to that question this time," Discord spoke up with an almost proud look. "As for how, they took up very nomadic lifestyles. They'd travel for days before settling down for a few weeks, sometimes even months while collecting resources and scouting their ways for the next part of the journey."
"Wait, Discord!" Twilight spoke up quickly, practically bursting with questions. "Do you know the actual paths the three tribes took?" she asked curiously.
"Yes, actually, though it's a bit simplified to ignore backtracking and small detours," Discord explained as he poofed up a large crystal map of Equestria in an old style, brown and otherwise colorless, but accurate none the less.
Twilight rushed up to it instantly, noting the lack of parked towns or settlements. But she also noticed some...oddities. "Discord, this can't be right. There's no Galloping or Ghastly Gorges. And the Hayseed Swamp is just a Forest? And is the Celestia Sea smaller?" Twilight noted with a squint as she tried to recall the last time she looked at a map that wasn't made of magic crystals.
"Umm, Twilight, there's something else you should probably be noticing," Spike pointed out, eyes wide in confusion at the implications of what he was seeing.
Twilight turned and saw where he was pointing to. "Discord, why is the South Luna Ocean only...labeled...Luna...Ocean?" Twilight questioned as she looked up, eyes nearly falling out of her head.
"Because there is no Northern Ocean, Twilight," Discord answered with a chuckle as he gestured to the north-western portion of the map, clearly all dry land minus one notable lake of some size.
"I'm still confused about why no one knows this," Magnus answered with an honestly bewildered look.
"How do you know about...whatever happened?" Spike asked with a raised eyebrow. "Or did that happen when you were around?"
"No, but...in our time, every creature was taught of the Ravenging as young ones," Magnus stated uneasily, shivering at some distant memory.
"The Ravenging?" Twilight repeated, her head snapping to him at almost disturbing speeds. "What does that have to do with the Northern Ocean?"
"Heyheyheyhey!" Discord interrupted as he appeared between them, his eagle talons pulling a zipper over the pegasus's mouth. "No spoilers! We haven't even gotten to the Silent Besiegement, let alone that!"
"Ravenging, Silent Besiegement," Twilight mumbled as she noted the words down with question marks.
"Okay, so, the land was a lot different a thousand and a half years ago," Spike summed up impatiently. "Now, can you explain this migration thing now?"
"Fine," Discord accepted as he floated over to his chair, snapping his fingers to grant Magnus back his speech.
"Thank you, Lord Discord," Magnus said, rubbing his jaw as he approached the map. "As I was saying, while I don't know why the Ravenging was forgotten, it does explain this simple fact," he continued, pointing his hoof at a spot where the Northern Luna Ocean should be. As if on command, three small symbols appears: A castle on a cliff labeled Ponsiden, a simple but walled village going by Haydes, and a city of clouds dubbed Pegazeus.
And above them was a simple name for the entire region.
"Valequine," Twilight whispered reverently with shimmering eyes. "The lost homeland of the tribes...I-it's beneath the Northern Ocean, no wonder nopony could find it again!" Twilight exclaimed in amazement.
"Wow," Spike stated as he hovered over the map. "Is there anything left of it?"
"Highly unlikely," Discord answered bluntly as lines of arrows emerged from Valequine. "For the record: yellow is unicorn, pink is pegasus, and purple is earth ponies."
"Odd color choices, but okay," Twilight accepted as she watched their movements with keen eyes. "Okay, the Earth Ponies and Unicorns share a path south before diverting with Unicorns heading to the east and the Earth Ponies kept pushing south. The Pegasi, once they got out of the worst of the weather, could just ignore the land passes entirely and went off west-northwest," she commented analytically.
"They really didn't want anything to do with one another after the War of Rations," Discord reminded with a dry half-smile. "The Pegasi, being who they are, opted to try and find an entirely new place in the west. Believe it or not, the Unicorns simply intended to buy their way into the citizenship and nobility of another city-state while the Earth Ponies planned to find some unclaimed lands to settle down south."
"All viable plans, but why would they take so many years?" Twilight asked curiously.
"I understand the confusion, but it's very simple...mostly," Discord assured, motioning to the southern path of the Earth Ponies as it twisted and turned around the mountains. "The Haydesians knew there was land down southeast, but got lost and turned around after a few sunless days thanks to the clouds. In the end, they got the Smokey Mountains mixed up with the Horizon Range along the coast."
"Oh, I can see how that would turn out bad," Spike winced, having a good guess what happened as the arrow reached the coast.
"Right you are, Hatchling. After getting lost in them for a bit, the earth ponies reached the coast...and several promptly found out they were treading on ice the hard way," Discord remarked dryly.
"Navigation was hard even for the winged in those days. Scouts had to risk frozen wings if we journeyed too high," Magnus remarked.
"Yes, well, a few military tricks allowed them to keep going in a relatively straight line," Discord mused as the pegasus path extended to the upper right before going straight left. "Unfortunately, there wasn't as much civilization that was there even before the Windigos, so they had next to nothing to salvage along the way, only the land. And there are a lot of Megafauna that way."
"Megafauna?" Spike and Twilight repeated as Discord showed an image of an Ursa Major...and a giant magma turtle...and serpentine leviathan made of metallic ore.
"Well, that's just terrifying," Twilight remarked with wide eyes.
"Dragons left these lands to avoid competition. That should explain enough," Discord elaborated, looking to Magnus. "Which is how you had a run in with Ember's dad."
"Wait, Dragon Lord Torch was the dragon from your legend?" Spike asked with wide eyes as he regarded Magnus with renewed respect. "...I can see why you represent Bravery."
Magnus chuckled bashfully. "In fairness, this shield is the only reason I wasn't, what's the term? Barbequed?" the ancient pegasus tried.
"That's on the bit," Discord confirmed with a nod. "Thankfully, most of those species are either extinct or moved on these days, but I digress. The Pegasi didn't actually lose too many to those creatures, thankfully, but there weren't many good places to make a new cloud city without attracting trouble."
"Can I make an educated guess on the Unicorns?" Twilight requested with a raised hoof.
"Please, this I must hear: You're either going to get it completely right or hilariously wrong," Discord encouraged with a grin.
"Well...given the Winter of Strife's intensity, I'm going to assume all the other Unicorn states they came across were either abandoned or..." Twilight trailed off uncomfortably.
"Didn't have anypony left alive in them, yes," Discord confirmed with a nod as the unicorn path reached further east. "I know this doesn't seem like much, but this took about a year for all of them. They had to stop many places to make temporary, even semi-permanent settlements. A lot of ponies stopped along the paths and tried to making homesteads where they could. Each tribe also found various survivors, ponies either living off the land or struggling to survive as best they could."
"Many died along the trails of course, and epidemics forced ponies to stop and attempt to treat the ailments," Magnus further explained with a shudder. "The Pegasi, to my knowledge, became true nomads for a period before they gave up on the west, rejoining in the south."
"Yes, but that was several years later. They eventually found the remains from where the Earth Ponies set up shop near the Horizon Range, and used it as a base as they considered the idea of a Cloud-City over the ocean,' Discord explained as the pegasus line crossed over the Earth pony line. "In that time, the Haydesians had made it further south, using the shoreline as a guide. They stopped periodically to try and find good land further inland. Sadly, they couldn't find much that wasn't frozen over or too forested until they reached a desert. They had to take a gamble between searching further east or south."
"Better the dragon you know," Magnus remarked before blinking, looking to Spike sheepishly. "Sorry."
"No, no, that's a very accurate phrase for us, especially back then." Spike assured, fully acknowledging the general temperament of his kind. "So, east?"
Discord nodded sagely as the path made a near U-turn. "I'm not going to lie, the Earth Ponies nearly died here. The only thing that saved them was the Freezies," he explained.
"Freezies? You mean the Breezies?" Twilight questioned in surprise.
"No. They're an old subspecies that can survive the cold just fine, no matter how bad, along with the brightness the snow can cause. But they were kind of bred out of existence when they mixed with the Breezies," Discord explained. "Anyway, the Freezies helped the Earth ponies find food and the ruins of minor settlements. They knew the land a lot better than the ponies and found them a path past the Applewood Mountains."
"Wait, wait," Spike spoke up with a scrunched brow. "Did any ponies try to go south anyway?" he asked curiously.
"Yes. And no, Spike, they didn't found Las Pegasus," Discord answered in amusement.
"No, no, that's...Okay, that was one idea," the drake confessed with a small grin before perking up. "But couldn't this be where Pinkie Pie's ancestor came to live in the south? That would be near the rock farm, right?" he pointed out.
"Spike, you might be right!" Twilight exclaimed in excitement as Discord looked curious.
"Hmm, I'm actually not sure of that. Have to check Pinkie's family tree, but it's hard to know as there have been a few settlers to that region," Discord admitted in interest. "Anyway, back on track, they eventually found a place where the river leading into the ocean wasn't frozen, and followed it inland."
"And that river leads to Canterlot..." Twilight realized with a scrunched brow. "Okay, I'm beginning to see how this happened."
"They took their time going up the river, trying to find a new home and mapping out the region, but ultimately had to keep moving on," Discord elaborated as he waved towards the north of the map. "Now, as for the Ponsideners up north. They actually had given up on finding another Unicorn country to join after so many desolate cities and villages. So they instead intended to rebuild and resettle one of the ruined city-stages, Maredonia," Discord narrated as the arrow moved to land on a dot carrying the mentioned name, with smaller arrows spanning out to the other surrounding dots.
"That's the Northern Plains," Twilight noticed with a scowl. "We call that the Empty Bit! How can there be nothing left of all these cities?" Twilight asked in disbelief.
"Lots of things happened," Discord answered vaguely as Magnus nodded wisely.
"I believe, Lord Discord, this is the part where the Crystal Empire comes?" Magnus recalled with minor uncertainty.
"Just about, yes. The Unicorns had been using whatever they could from the nearby cities, once vassals to Maredonia but all dead or dying by this point," Discord summarized. "And as Mr. Bravery here mentioned, the Crystal Empire rolled in to claim the territory for themselves."
"And was that such a bad thing?" Spike asked in confusion. "I mean, the Posi-Unicorns wanted to join with some-"
"Pre-Union, Spike," Discord reminded flatly. "The Crystal Ponies don't have any Unicorns, so of course the Ponsideners would never want to join up with them. Ironic, really."
"Because they ended joining the other two tribes anyway?" Twilight guessed.
"No, because the Crystal Empire wanted them to join specifically because they were Unicorns," Discord explained with a grin.
"...Wait, what?" Twilight asked slowly.
"Even I am unaware of this," Magnus commented in surprise.
Discord nodded, clearly pleased with their reactions. "You see, the Crystal Empire actually wanted to be what Equestria became: a united Pony Empire. Had they not been so intolerant, you'd probably all be crystal ponies," he clarified with a snicker.
Everyone paused in surprise as a soft rumbling filled the studio, followed by a distant scream. "What was that?" Magnus asked in concern, looking around for a possible threat.
"I believe that was Rarity, cursing the collective ancestors of unicornkind," Discord answered with a snort.
"It does make you wonder, what could have been," Twilight remarked before wincing as she remembered another issue, "But Sombra did seal away the entire city, so...maybe dodged a spell?"
"Ripple effects are hard to judge for mortals," Discord mused unhelpfully. "Anyway, the unicorns hadn't had a chance to fortify or arm themselves. So they packed up everything they could and scrammed south before Crystal Armies could arrive. This just leaves our feathered friends," Discord mused, looking back to the west.
"And it is, unarguably, the most...interesting tale, if the stories are true," Magnus claimed, looking to Discord curiously.
"They are," the draconequus confirmed bluntly. "Well, you all know the seaponies by now, right?" he asked with a playfully grin.
"Yeeees?" Twilight asked cautiously. "That's what the Hippogriffs turned into to hide in the sea from the Storm King."
"Yes, and they're also the creatures that lived in the Luna Ocean for a time. As did Merponies," Discord confirmed.
"...What's the difference?" Spike asked curiously.
"Seaponies are ponies with flippers. Merponies are more fish than pony," Discord explained wryly, "To be specific, more shark."
"Oh," Twilight realized with wide eyes. "That sounds...scary."
"They are," Magnus agreed with a scowl. "And they're magically inclined."
"Seriously?!" Spike asked in shock. "That sounds like a bloodbath. Literally!"
"Oh, it was. They basically used the original Seaponies as cattle, but then they noticed the Sky-ponies-as they called Pegasi-making a home high above the surface. And being the gluttons they were, they decided to try some Pegasi wings," Discord continued.
"Still, that sounds like a bit of a stalemate. It couldn't be easy for either side to fight each other," Twilight remarked logically. "The Merponies would have to use ranged attacks on the Pegasi when they came down low enough and the Pegasi would have trouble just keep their sights on the Merponies when they went underwater."
"Both sides nixed each other's environmental advantages rather thoroughly," Discord answered, nodding toward Magnus.
The soldier cleared his throat and continued the tale. "The Merponies used weather magic to summon great storms that forced the Pegazeusics down towards the sea. Like many creatures though, they underestimated their own prey," Magnus explained with a smirk. "The Seaponies, seeing their chance to be free of their carnivore counterparts, used one of the few magics they were capable of: They granted the power to breathe underwater to every Pegasi they could."
Spike's jaw dropped as Twilight stared, her eyes distant as she began to see the scenario taking place before her very eyes. "How...advanced were the Merponies?" she asked curiously.
"Not at all. Mostly barbarians that relied on skill and strength rather than any kind of military planning," Discord answered with an indulging look as he saw her mind work.
"Even if the Pegasus Army had a handicap in the water, their military training and strategies would have given them a huge edge," she realized with a slight awe.
Magnus nodded sagely. "More than you know. The Slaughterers had become the Slaughtered. So unwilling to accept being defeated in the seas by Sky-Ponies, they used one last ritual to teleport us away during their last stand," he paused as a hollow circle appeared over the Luna Ocean where the Pegasi path ended.
"...All of you?" Spike asked curiously, prompting the ancient legionnaire to look to Discord for confirmation.
"Oh, a few of you got left behind," Discord answered with a chuckle. "One, Captain Typhoon eventually became hailed as the King of the True Seaponies, as have his descendants ever since. They're still around, but the entire little nation swam off to a different ocean a few centuries later."
"But as for the main group," Magnus spoke up, bringing his hoof far over to the east of modern Equestria, where another hollow circle appeared. "They landed somewhere in this general location."
"East of Canterlot," Twilight summarized with a sigh. "So that was a coincidence?"
"Oh, I'm sure Harmony or someone will take credit for it," Discord waved off dismissively. "The important part here is that they took twelve years for various reasons: The entire land was frozen over as the Winter of Strife was still going, just not at its peak anymore. The ponies, even the Pegasi, had to camp for weeks or even months at a time to scout for paths while also scavenging for food and supplies. That's not even getting into the sheer amount of backtracking, weather delays, and sicknesses that slowed them down at random times."
"Sounds like a bad time to be a pony," Spike remarked with wide eyes.
"Except for the Crystal Ponies, yes," Discord agreed with a nod. "You could write an entire book about the Great Migrations, or the Ways of Woes as some called it, but we'll keep this to just chapter length."
"But-!" Twilight tried to speak up as Spike quickly grabbed her muzzle to keep it shut.
"Do you want to hear how the Tribes came together or what kind of trail mixes they made?" he pointed out with a blank look. Twilight rolled her eyes but relaxed as Spike released her.
"I do have one important question," Twilight said in compromise, getting a nod from Discord. "What about the leaders and their aides? Hurricane and Pansy, Platinum and Clover, Puddinghead and Smart Cookie?"
"Oh yeah, you never mentioned them?" Spike realized as he looked to Discord curiously.
"Oy, that's a kettle of shrimp," Discord grumbled as he wiped a hand over his face before he pulled back the fur on his lion arm like a sleeve to look at a series of watches. "Okay, wow, the Migration took a lot longer to cover than I expected," he commented in surprise as he scratched his beard, mock glaring at Twilight. "I want to say that was your fault."
"Hey, I've been good!" Twilight retorted vehemently, sheepishly glancing at Discord's tail. "Mostly."
"Huh. Usually this situation is reversed," Spike murmured in amusement. "So, we calling it a day, Discord?"
"Hmm, no, I really, REALLY want Twilight here for what happens next," Discord decided before realization spread across his face as he looked to the audience. "Attention, our dear viewers! We're going to have a four hour break to give everyone a break. Part two of this segment shall start at eight. Because Parents? A few topics will come up that little fillies and colts shouldn't be hearing, but they are important to the history lesson," he warned in a completely serious tone.
"Okay, now I'm concerned about why you want me here for this," Twilight stated warily. "And isn't that five hours away?"
"You weren't before?" Discord teased lightly. "And to answer your question, little last minute thing wrap up: Our questions from the last episode!" he declared as a stack of letters appeared in his hand and a large set of words appeared on screen.
[Questions and Answers!]
"That all?" Spike asked curiously. "I was expecting a wheelbarrow full."
"I filtered out my fangirls," Discord answered distractedly as he flipped through the letters, making them uncertain if he was joking. Picking one at random, he placed the rest on top of the table and map. "Okay, let's start with this one."
"Dear Discord, Who was the first Dragon lord, and how did dragons even come together in such a way. Sincerely Yours, Tango P.S. Loving the show so far."
Discord grinned. "We at Chaoscast are always happy to hear you are enjoying our efforts to correct the history books. As for the First Dragon Lord, that would be Duscale, or Dusk Scale as he would later be known. He was actually a very small dragon, comparatively, but extremely skilled as a warrior. Many consider him the first true Dragon Warrior. While the title Dragon Lord wasn't invented for a few more generations, he's posthumously considered the first."
"How small and skilled are we talking?" Spike asked with an intent curiosity.
"Hmm," Magnus spoke up. "If I am thinking of the same story, they said Dusk Scale was no larger than the main body of a Hydra, but could slay dragons half the size of Torch."
"Wow," Twilight said with wide eyes. "That's all I really have to say: Wow."
"That is the appropriate response," Discord agreed with a nod as he moved onto the next question.
"Dear Discord, How many Villains were actually imprisoned in Equestria and how many of them are still imprisoned? And why didn't they just kill the Villains if they were so aggressive back then?
Best regards, Golden_Map P.S.: I like your Show??"
"Why the question marks?" Spike murmured with a raised eyebrow.
"Really depends on what you classify as a villain I suppose, Goldy," Discord answered with a shrug. "Remember, a lot of "villains" back than were par for the course, or normal for the times. But to answer your question, a lot more actually were killed than ones imprisoned. Celestia could never bring herself to kill Luna, corrupted or not. Tirek was...well, the sisters didn't want to risk causing a war with his father, King Vorak. Chrysalis is...a complicated case we'll get to later. As for me?" Discord paused to look at the screen. "Do I even need to explain that one?"
"No," Twilight answered flatly as she used her magic to grab a letter and read it off herself.
"I thank you for presenting me with this new data. I find it quite interesting when compared to common sources."
"New data? Sources?" Magnus repeated with a scowl. "This is odd phrasing, yes?"
" You informed us that we would be allowed to make inquiries, therefore I shall make mine. - You briefly discussed a time period designated "The Dark Ages", describing it as possessing an abundance of monsters. Is there any relation to subject designated "Grogar"?" - What were the statuses of subjects designated "Celestia" and "Luna" before the period designated "War of Rations"? - Will topics discussed be classified as 'general history' exclusively, or will there be segments dedicated to individual subjects?
Those are my current inquiries. I thank you once more for your event designated "History Chaoscast" and anticipate the arrival of future data.
Sincerely, Deltanamus Primeon MKll"
"Is...is this a robot?" Spike asked curiously. "Do we...have robots in Equestria?"
"Not that I know of! And I'd be the first to know!" Twilight exclaimed in confusion.
"What makes you think I'm broadcasting this to just this world?" Discord asked with a conspiratorial smile.
"...Answers?" Twilight requested, deciding not to question that statement right now.
"Right, right. Okay, Delta, in reverse order? While this segment seems to be largely dedicated to the Migration, this is still just a summary. Honestly, we could do a segment on each tribe's journey. So, long story short? General History for now, but more dedicated segments are a possibility in the future. As for Celly and Lulu? That is...a long story," Discord stated with a touch of hesitation. "The short answer is they were lost and trying to find their way home."
"And that was...?" Twilight prompted.
"Twilight, if I cover that topic, it will be with one or both of them, not you," he stated flatly.
There was an uneasy silence as Twilight saw his point, prompting Magnus to clear his throat. "And, um, Grogar, Lord Discord?"
Discord smirked a dark smirk for a moment, as if savoring a memory. "To answer the question, yes, the monsters mentioned towards the end of the Dark Ages, along with most of the Megafauna, were leftovers of Grogar. Taking his bell away just removed his ability to make new monsters, not get rid of the old ones," he elaborated, wordlessly moving on to the next letter, his cast members looking a bit confused and concerned by that.
"Dear Devilishly Disharmonious Discord.
Does every race have their own version of an Alicorn?
Cauchemar"
"Is that supposed to be Couch Mare?" Spike asked curiously.
"I don't think so...?" Twilight answered uncertainly. "And this actually is a big question for a lot of creatures?"
"My, aren't you a charmer," Discord responded to the letter with a grin. "To answer: Technically? Yes, but most still haven't figured out how to unlock them."
"In fairness, it's still a mystery for us, just one we stumble on more often," Twilight admitted.
"Though, that raises the question if a draconequus is the Alicorn equivalent of something?" Spike mused, glancing at Discord expectantly.
"Haha!"
The laugh didn't come from Discord, surprisingly. Magnus placed a hoof over his chest to calm himself. "S-sorry, but...let's just say you're going to have a lot more questions in the near future," Magnus explained, a few snickers escaping his mouth.
"Wait, we used to know the origins of Discord?! Why was that allowed to be forgotten?!" Twilight exclaimed in disbelief.
"Which brings us to our next question," Spike continued, having plucked a letter off the table.
"Hello, my question is for Discord, what are the origins of your powers? Isaac LB."
"Okay, this isn't me being difficult," Discord said quickly, holding up his limbs to feign surrender. "I'm just not going to answer questions that will be...mostly explained in the near future. So, sorry, Isaac, but you'll be getting some answers in...I don't know, within the next four segments?" Discord assured with a shrugged as he pulled out another.
"What was the name of the Imperial Timberwolf? Signed, Rohtu Aeht"
"Good question, seeing as it is literally the reason you're all still alive," Discord remarked in amusement. "Arcaniheo Pawteris, brave little pup that could have been so much more."
"We seem to have another inquiry about you, Lord Discord, with some idle questions elsewhere," Magnus mused as he read off his latest pick.
"Dear Discord,
Where did YOU come from? You are (or aren't) the source of many evils, but what's your source?
Loving your show, Ri2
P.S. Potential Alicorn of Time, huh? P.P.S. Has Spike ever wondered what pony tastes like?"
"Same as Isaac. And yes, we might have a Timecorn with Starlight," Discord confirmed with a shrug, glancing to the young dragon.
"I don't have to wonder," Spike responded flatly with his arms crossed as he gave a level stare at a very sheepish Twilight.
"I said I was sorry!" Twilight hissed in embarrassment.
"I'm...not going to ask, because it's more hilarious to leave it up to the imagination," Discord said with a small smirk, glancing between them curious. "Next question:"
"Discord: ?J? ? ?293?21?23][?]?\;\?=?,?a c ?a?c a?c?`?1=?23-9?c? /?.?l?l?l?a-?09?a?)? a?02039?843?87?)?()*?*?\?]?[][?\c?2093?498-0(*&^%$?c?cl(?)?a?'?'?\]a?[?lsa?c?0_)?()(398?43? ?*(H(*O?673?c?c?c? Willow the Wisp"
There was a long pause as everyone stared at Discord. "What?" Spike summarized. "What did you even just say?"
"Nothing important, but the answer is yes, but only on Mondays," Discord answered, leaving them all confused.
"I'm...just going to take another one." Twilight said as she grabbed one of the remaining letters. "To the ever devilish creature known ...Di5-C0RD? What?" Twilight read off with a scrunched brow. "The world is filled with mysterious things, if there was one thing you could obtain without the use of magic, what would it be and why? SCP Pinkamena..."
"Oooookay, that is...spooky, and worrying," Spike said cautiously as he glanced around. "Did we miss a Pinkie-Clone? And did it go crazy?"
"Clone?" Magnus repeated, not understanding the term.
"Implications aside, it is a good question," Twilight stated, looking up at the Chaos Lord in interest.
Discord didn't respond for a moment before chuckling, briefly looking much older in the eyes. "Oh, if I could tell you all the things I've gained without magic, Twilight," Discord stated nostalgically, leaving the young Alicorn even more curious. "But if there's one thing I'd like to be able to get without magic?...Well, a bed my size would be nice," Discord mused with a shrug.
"Really?" Spike asked blankly.
"Don't give me that look; even beds made to fit Celestia aren't big enough for me!" Discord retorted in legitimate annoyance.
"I'm getting flashbacks to several Inn incidents with Rockhoof," Magnus recalled idly.
"You ever try commissioning a custom one?" Twilight suggested curiously.
"Moving on!" Discord declared abruptly.
"Yo, Discord! I was thinking, are you actually Q undergoing a friendship-treatment ordered by the Continuum? Cuz that's what I've thought since Season 1.
bThankees from McSpankees"
"McSpankees?" Spike repeated skeptically.
"I believe that name trots near this PG-line Lord Discord mentioned," Magnus stated cautiously.
"And what does he mean Season 1?" Twilight asked with a scowl.
"I know, it was at least Season 2 when we met," Discord mused, winking at the audience.
"Discord, it was, like...at least three seasons! And why are we counting by seasons instead of years or months?" Twilight questioned in annoyance.
"No idea, but to answer the question, no, we're not related in this timeline," Discord answered in amusement.
"Then...who is Q?" Spike asked curiously.
"Another's realities imitation of me, basically." Discord answered flippantly as he glanced at the pile. "Good, we're about half way done."
"I'll get the next one," Spike volunteered as he picked up a letter.
"Dear Discord, What happened to initially make the ponies see you more as a dark lord than a chaos lord, and how did that change? Also I have a chaos related question, when cotton candy gets wet it turns all gross and sticky and hard and stuff so how does the cotton candy cloud that pours chocolate milk rain work exactly? Hope that's not too many questions!
- Candyfloss
P.S: this makes me wanna learn more about equestrian history, seems actually interesting."
"You'll know it when you see it," Discord answered vaguely. "Glad you're enjoying this and as the Cotton Candy clouds: they're liquid proof, of course. Nothing sticks to them."
"Um, Lord Discord? This question seems to be of import, and I believe from a noble," Magnus spoke up as he looked over the letter.
"To Discord: a lot of conspiracy theories and myths surround "The Age of Chaos", recording it as lasting anywhere from a few days to its own thousand-year block. It is often blamed for Equestria's relative ignorance of the past regarding any time preceding it, and even various phenomena such as the environment's need for manual operation.
So I suppose the simple question would be, what did you actually do, and how long were you doing it for?
Venerable Ro."
"I actually don't know this question, we were in limbo before this happened...or why, for that matter," Magnus confessed, looking to the mismatched host uncertainly.
"Longer than you'd like to think," Discord answered vaguely as he reclined in his chair. "And I will cover my Reign in full detail when we get to it."
"...Everything?" Twilight asked in a mixture of curiosity and concern.
"Everything," Discord responded firmly.
"Umm," Spike started uncertainly. "This next one is a bit of a mouthful."
"So what caused the Windigos to show up? If I understand this right, the Windigos were what caused the long winter? But if the Windigos don t actually feed on Disharmony and instead feed on Fear, what happened that caused so many of them to swarm the three tribes, was it some sort of natural phenomena, like some sort of Windigo mating season that was extended because the resulting winter created so much fear they weren't leaving? Or were the Windigos and the Long Winter unrelated, and the immense fear caused by the winter is what caused the Windigos to frenzy? Discord specifically said the winter wasn't a whim of nature, meaning it wasn't natural, so something had to have caused it. If there was an explanation given and it just went over my head I apologize, just asking for clarification. From...ThatOneGuyUpstairs?"
"Well that name's definitely fake," Twilight mused before looking thoughtful. "Now that I think about it, I don't think you did clarify why the Windigos all converged on the three tribes at that point?"
"A bit of it was happenchance, but most of it was something that, admittedly, I neglected to mention," Discord conceded offhoofedly. "A few years before the Winter of Strife began was when the Rings of Scorchero were created."
"Oh...OHHHH!" Twilight and Spike said in realization.
"Aren't those the artifacts that the mages believe created the Badlands?" Magnus questioned curiously.
"Wait...Okay, actually, that makes sense," Twilight accepted with a nod.
"We'll get to that later. The rings were overloaded when they were first used, scattering Windigos across all of the lands south of Equestria to race north and west as fast as they could," Discord explained idly.
"And if that hadn't happened...?" Spike asked curiously.
"The Windigos would have never grouped up and overpopulated like they did, minus a similar event," Discord answered before looking thoughtful. "Oh, and the Bone Dry Desert would be a lot smaller."
"Wha-!?...I feel like this was an important topic you skipped over," Twilight declared with wide eyes.
"This is Equestrian History, not World History," Discord reminded casually.
Twilight just shook her head in acceptance as she picked up another message.
"To the History Revealers,
Has there ever been an Extra-Terrestrial event? I work at an observatory and star-gazing is a hobby of mine, and the question has always bugged me if we're alone in the stars.
Star Gazer"
"I think Luna's return from the moon technically counts," Discord mused with a chuckle. "But in all seriousness, yes, but not during this Lost Period of history we're covering."
"We've had contact with alien life!?" Twilight exclaimed in glee and shock.
"No, the ancestors of the ancestors of the ancestors of HIS ancestors did," Discord corrected, pointing to a surprised Flash Magnus.
"Wait...was there a legitimate alien invasion in the past?!" Spike asked with wide eyes.
"Twice, yes, but that was before the Crystal Empire was even close to being founded," Discord waved off as if it wasn't that important.
"We're really not going to talk about this!?" Twilight all but demanded, finding herself ignored by the Chaos Lord
Magnus, opting to trot ahead, picked up another letter.
"To the chaos entity known as Discord,
First, I would like to ask if Spike be a constant character in your "Chaoscast" episodes
Second, I would like to know if you had ruled over the land that would later be known as Equestria, therefore making it so you would have been evicted and shunned from your own land
Third, is it possible to add suggestions as to who would be appearing on your episodes or is that entirely up to you (if possible I would like to request Thorax because a non-pony perspective other than the great draconequus Discord would be nice.)
From: a lost and alone space marine on the dark side of the moon"
"...Are those aliens still on the moon, by chance?" Twilight asked with wide eyes.
Discord shrugged in response. "Try asking Luna, it's her dust ball. Now, Yes, Spike is going to be here long term," he answered, Spike giving the viewers a cheeky grin and a thumbs up. "And I'll admit that before my Reign of Chaos I did legitimately rule over a chunk of Equestria."
"Really? Where?" Twilight asked with a head tilt.
"Mainly south of the Everfree and parts of the east coast. You know the northern path out of the Celestia Sea was called the Strait of Discord once upon a time?" Discord answered.
"We just called it the Cord," Magnus commented with a smile. "Oh, and the third question, Lord Discord?"
"Hmm? Oh, yes, I'll take recommendations for guests and try to put them in good places. As for Thorax, well, Magnus and the Pillars already know when I'm bringing changelings in on this," he stated with a knowing smirk while Magnus coughed awkwardly as Twilight looked curious.
"Hey, here's a short one!" Spike spoke up curiously.
"Dear Discord,
You seem insistent about being called the Lord of Chaos. However, given your abilities and apparent immortality, wouldn't it be more appropriate to call you the God of Chaos?
Wishing you well, Cranberry"
"Blame Celestia for that one," Discord answered with an eye roll. "For some reason, she's been subtly suppressing the use of that all related word to refer to her or anyone else a god for a long time. But to be clear: Yes, I AM a god. The Sisters are goddesses, as is Cadence, though lesser at the moment. Twilight is a demigod until she grows into it more, and Flurry Heart is...either a goddess or demigod, depending on your point of view."
"What about Chrysalis? Or Tirek?" Spike asked as Twilight blushed a bit from the attention to her technically divine status.
"Chrysalis is a Fallen God, Dark God, or any other way you wanted to phrase it. Some would use the term Devil, but I wouldn't use that one lightly. Tirek is legitimately a Demon though as a result of his magic stealing powers," Discord explained elaborated.
"So that's why he's immortal?" Twilight guessed, getting a nod.
"Okay, two more: One by Tall Tails and the other by Dusk Rider, who wants which?" Spike offered, holding up the final two messages.
"I would like to read for this Dusk Rider character," Magnus answered curiously as he took the letter.
"Sounds like a desert pony," Spike murmured thoughtfully.
"I'll take Tall Tails, and this letter better live up to this name," Discord said as he took the last of the messages, looking toward the pegasus soldier patiently.
"What about Smart Cookie and her friends? What happened to them during this time? What did they do? Dusk Rider"
"Simple and to the point," Twilight noted idly.
"Okay, to this sender!" Discord declared, pointing to the viewers. "You'll get your answer in the next few hours after the break. I can promise that as we'll be starting with them. Okay, now for mine-AHAHAHAH!"
The two ponies and one dragon leaned back as Discord almost fell out of his chair in laughter. "Umm, you okay, Discord?" Spike asked idly.
"Ohh, I'm great after reading this!" Discord answered as he fought down his laugh to read the letter. "- To those people on the box thing that appeared in my living room; since you're talking about hidden truths, I was wondering if you could say whether or not that rumored meeting between the Royal Sisters and three of the most powerful dragons of that time actually took place....did Celestia really suplex one of them for a comment on her weight? I've also heard eight different endings for what happened after the meeting so it would be appreciated if you could let us know.
With Best Regards, Tall Tails
P.S. it's a good thing you included Spike (the dragon, not the dog) P.P.S. also, does he often get confused with a dog?"
"...I'm sorry, what?" Twilight asked blankly. "How did...where would a story like that even come from?"
"The worst part is that it's true! Hahahah!" Discord cackled hysterically.
"WHAT!?" Twilight, Spike, Magnus, and a good fourth of Equestria exclaimed in surprise.
"I-it was when-ahaha-Celly and Lulu were negotiating a Tre-tre-BAHAHA!-TREATY! With the Dragons. T-torch's nephew, Lug, said it to Celestia and she-she-Tossed Him Around And Wore Him Like A Scarf!" Discord declared, beating his fist into his chair.
"Celestia? Princess Celestia did THAT?!" Twilight asked in disbelief.
"S-she, she went through a growth spurt around that time and was v-very self-conscious about her weight," Discord answered with a few more giggles. "Worst part is that she misunderstood him as Dragons and ponies spoke different languages back then. Lug was commenting on her HEIGHT, not her weight! He had never seen a pony as big as her!"
"Owwww, I bet that made things awkward," Spike said nervously.
"Oh no, Torch loved it! And, well, Dragons respect strength. Why do you think Torch didn't scold any of the would-be-Dragon-Lords for talking about going after Equestria? He was hoping for an encore from Celestia!" Discord explained as he wiped a tear from his eyes. "Ohh, that's a good way to end this part. Okay, folks, go off and enjoy yourselves while we're gone. Go ahead and send in more questions if you have any! Everyone trying to ask about my origins, just wait until I actually show up in the history lessons, then let the demands for answers fly!"
"So...what do we do until then?" Spike asked curiously.
"Order takeout, maybe some games," Discord answered as he made a telephone appear out of nowhere. "What do you four want?"
"Anything without cheese!" Twilight answered quickly.
"I'm full, but can I get a smoothie or slushy?" Spike requested.
"I shall have the baked potatoes if available, and a hayburger," Magnus answered.
"And a nebula soup for me," Discord murmured as he started to dial while the screen faded out.
