Principal Celestia and Princess Twilight aren't stupid, they know the human government is going to be interested in the portal, so the Princess sends an envoy to be her voice to the human world...so why'd she pick Trixie?!
When Principal Celestia suggests to Princess Twilight that she assign a representative in the inevitable event that the government takes an interest in a portal to another world on her school's campus, Twilight sends a mare with lots of experience traveling and dealing with beings of all stripes, plus the ego to keep from being cowed by agents of a foreign government. Besides, Trixie could use a...third chance, after all. Meanwhile, the student Trixie is being disciplined. Her punishment? Escorting a new student around the school for at least 30 days. That student? Twilight Sparkle, new transfer from Crystal Prep.
Principal Celestia sighed as subtly as she could, though intellectually she knew she needn’t have bothered hiding it. The young woman in the office with her had a history of being so…self-absorbed that the educator knew her student wouldn’t even notice. To the self-titled “Great and Powerful” Trixie’s credit, the student generally had the best interest of the rest of her peers at heart, if for no other reason than to keep her "audience" (captive for at least another year of the girl's school career owing to simply not being able to legally leave the school when Trixie got up to her shenanigans) happy. Resisting the urge to rub her temple with her fingertips, she addressed the girl again.
"Listen, Trixie, while you were not the main instigator behind trapping the Rainbooms during the Battle of the Bands, the fact remains that you did misuse school equipment, lead the other members of your band in an act against the Rainbooms and a visiting foreign dignitary, and that's not even talking of simply dropping them into the under-stage of the amphitheater. One or more of them could have been hurt, and don't tell me you made sure there was nothing for them to fall on," the Principal hastily added this last as Trixie was about to speak, "You also didn't make sure there was something to break their fall to ensure they weren't hurt. I consulted with Princess Sparkle..." she paused for a moment when Trixie started muttering, but the white haired girl stopped when she realized Celestia was listening closely. Something about 'interfering magical fraud...?' Whatever, not an issue unless she makes it one, the older woman thought to herself, "The Princess assured me that even though you were under the influence of the Sirens, their influence only pushed you to do something, not what to do."
She paused, hoping her student would say something in her own defense. Trixie simply crossed her arms and 'hmph'ed, not making eye contact with the educator.
Celestia sighed again and continued, "As your behavior, poor though it was, isn't nearly as egregious as certain other incidents in the past year," she allowed Trixie to interrupt briefly with an exclaimed, "HA!" and pushed forward with her prepared statement, "I'm inclined to be somewhat lenient, especially given the influence of the Dazzlings. In fact, I think making a new friend would be a suitable consequence..." she allowed herself a smile at this. Apparently her favorite "punishment" of pairing up poorly behaving students or those who simply needed help in certain areas with someone who might be compatible was something that her other-world counterpart did as well. Now that the portal was up and running full-time and not just during some arbitrarily defined time frame, she had many chances to simply talk with the girl who'd stepped in to her school and stopped not just one, but two magical events from hurting her students. This allowed Princess Sparkle to compare notes on the two different versions of her teacher and highlight the similarities. "We have a new student arriving. I've adjusted your class load to match hers, and you will accompany her from the start of school to the time the final bell rings. If she chooses to join any clubs or other school-sponsored extra-curricular activities, then you are joining up with those as well."
"WHAT!?" gasped Trixie. It was the first truly intelligible word the girl had said in several minutes, "But what about my band? What about Drama club?! I can't just..."
"Then perhaps," the principal interrupted, "You should work on building your friendship with the new girl so you can persuade her to join you for those activities." Turning her chair slightly, she eyed her bookshelf, searched briefly, and plucked a paperback off the shelf. "I've spoken to your parents and assured them that the school would pay for the difference between the activities you're in now and the ones you will be taking up with the new student, if any. They've given me their full support, by the way." She reached over the desk to hand the book to Trixie, who accepted hesitantly. Celestia continued, "I want you to read that book through by the end of the month. There's special reading instructions in the introduction, I expect you to follow them, and the rest of your class- and homework is not allowed to suffer while you work on that book. If a full 30 calendar days..." she glanced at her desk calendar to confirm the actual date of the expected end of the 30 days, "...shows significant improvement toward your fellow students and the new student gives me a good report about you, then your discipline will be considered complete and you can resume your normal schedule and activities if you so choose."
Trixie seemed to think on this, then asked, "What about my current classes? My current grades won't transfer..." She seemed to hope that this would make Celestia reconsider.
The principal didn't really need to fight her urge to smirk with the victory of a chessmaster besting an opponent, she'd been doing it for far longer than Trixie had even been old enough to attend her school, so her poker face was impeccable...the emotion was still there, however. She picked up a folder from her inbox on her desk and passed it over to the student, "You'll notice that only three of your classes have changed," Trixie opened the folder and looked at her new schedule on the top of a small packet of papers, "And of those three, only one will not simply transfer your current grades. You'll need to complete the attached assessment and return it to Vice Principal Luna by the end of the day, that will allow The Doctor...er, Doctor Turner to determine what additional homework to assign you so you can catch up in his class. Also in that packet is the dossier of the girl who you will be making friends with. Nothing ‘juicy,’ just the stuff that will help you to identify her when you meet her in the foyer and keep up with her classes.”
Trixie groaned in depressed defeat. "Very well," she didn't quite moan, "The Humble and Penitent Trixie shall complete her penance." With that, she stood and turned to the door.
She had her hand on the knob when Celestia said, "Trixie..." The girl paused, not turning, "When you first came to this school I told you I knew you were capable of great things. You haven't really disapointed me in that yet. I'm confident that you'll overcome this little setback."
Trixie straightened her posture, squared her shoulders, and practically threw the door open. "STAND READY, CANTERLOT HIGH!" proclaimed the magician, "FOR THE GR-R-R-R-REAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE SHALL OVERCOME TRIUMPHANT!" So saying, she charged out into the school, allowing the door to close behind her.
Celestia congratulated herself for waiting a full 20 seconds before giggling at Trixie. She couldn’t actively encourage such behavior from her students, but she certainly wouldn’t discourage it.
She reached out and pushed the Intercom button on her phone, then an extension. “Raven, is my next appointment here?”
To her surprise, it wasn’t her loyal and efficient secretary that replied, but her sister, Luna. “Oh, yes, they’re here!” She could hear the mirth in her younger sister’s voice.
She frowned, “Luna, where’s Raven?”
“I gave her an early lunch, I wouldn’t miss this for anything!” The line cut off, and Celestia could hear the click-clack of Luna’s boots outside her door. She did her best to wipe the scowl off her face as the door opened and the last portion of a conversation came through, “…right this way, gentlemen. Principal Celestia and I are most eager for your visit!”
I’ll bet that Princess Celestia doesn’t have to deal with this kind of thing, groused Principal Celestia mentally as she kept her features schooled and stood. She reached out her hand to offer a handshake to one of two men, both wearing dark suits that looked to have come from a very up-scale tailor, yet still managed to look like a uniform. “Welcome to Canterlot High, gentlemen. I trust you weren’t waiting long?”
The man nearest took her hand and shook it twice, “No ma’am, and thank you. I’m Trot Fuzz and this is my partner Wild Gunner from the State Department.” Celestia nodded and gestured to the chairs normally for students and their families that faced her desk, “Of course, you’ve met my sister, Vice Principal Luna.”
The agents took their seats, Fuzz nodding for his curiously silent partner. “We know you’re busy, Principal, so we should probably get straight to business.” Luna took a seat near the door, closing it as she did, and leaned back to watch in amusement. Celestia fought to keep her eyes from rolling. Oblivious to the exchange, Agent Fuzz continued, “Basically, we at the state department are concerned that the only formal channels to a new and apparently friendly nation are going through…well, an educator.”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” interjected Agent Gunner.
Celestia had anticipated that this would be the purpose of their visit, actually. She, herself, had brought the issue up to Princess Twilight Sparkle on at least two occasions. “Actually, gentlemen, I understand your position. I do have a school to run, and I’d rather do that than run any sort of government office.”
“Not,” interrupted Luna with a smirk, “That there’s anything wrong with that.”
Celestia didn’t bother hiding the glare she aimed at her sibling. The Vice Principal responded with the overly-innocent look of the truly guilty. She noticed the extension light flashing on her desk phone, noting that it was from her secretary’s desk, and made a mental note to follow up on it later. “As it happens, however, the primary dignitary in this other nation happens to be most comfortable with me and a handful of students she befriended on this side of the portal.” She pulled out another folder from her inbox, this one overflowing at the top and bottom edges, showing the longer-than-standard parchment that Princess Twilight used to pass messages through the portal. She handed it to Agent Fuzz, who opened the folder as she spoke, “Princess Twilight Sparkle has apparently requested that, no matter who else the government appoints to be a representative to her nation or staffing the eventual government facility that will house our side of the portal, that I remain her primary contact and that Canterlot High remain at this location near the portal, and continue to function as it has as a high school. Most specifically, the friends she’s made here are to remain in close proximity for as long as their school career lasts.”
Luna was doing a poor job of hiding her mirth at the agent’s discomfiture. The document was pretty straight forward, and said exactly what her sister stated, it was not, however, the princess that had put together most of the language. The darker complexioned sister had been present when Twilight had been drafting the document, and Celestia had actually been the one to “suggest” nearly all of it, artfully using pleasant conversation and subtle suggestions until the princess had given the principal exactly what she wanted.
Celestia noted that the light was still blinking, wondering what Raven, who must have come back from her lunch, wanted from her that she felt it necessary to interrupt a meeting with officials from the federal government. The subtly nudged the phone so the blinking light wasn’t quite so obvious and returned her attention to her visitors.
The agents were, for the most part, ignoring Luna. Agent Gunner looked up at the white skinned woman with a mild scowl, “If it’s all the same to you, we’d prefer to approach the Princess or her people directly on this matter.”
The principal nodded, “Of course. Actually, we’re expecting their representative shortly. It just so happens that their visit corresponded with yours quite nicely.” Luna was giggling again. She, of course, had been there when her older sister nearly panicked after the phone call from the school district explaining that the government was going to visit. She also was the driver when the pair of them tracked down Sunset Shimmer after school hours to relay an emergency message to Princess Twilight to explain the need for a representative, as well as requesting the specific day and time of the meeting.
They were interrupted by a squawk from the desk phone. The secretary had apparently decided to invoke the seldom used (and nearly unknown to most) feature that forced the phone to issue a tone, over-riding the volume settings. Celestia glared at it for half a second and hit the intercom button, “What is it, Raven?”
“I’m sorry,” came the reply, “I’m trying to explain to her…”
Before she could go any further, the door slammed open, followed by the pop of small fireworks, billows of stage smoke, and a small musical fanfare. As the smoke cleared, a voice rang out, “GAZE IN AWE, GOOD PEOPLE OF HUMAN WORLD!”
Celestia felt her pulse jump significantly as instant recognition of the voice hit her. As she had ducked behind her fairly sizable desk, she peeked out over it to confirm that, yes, the silhouette of the girl standing in the door matched that of the girl she had disciplined not 15 minutes prior. The principal couldn’t quite tell if Luna was coughing because of the smoke, or laughing her butt off. The agents had dived to the floor, hands instinctively reaching into their jackets to retrieve firearms that her staff would have required them to leave in their vehicle.
The girl in the doorway continued, “It is I, the Great and Diplomatic TR-R-R-R-R-RIXIE! Here to represent all of pony-kind, Equestria, and beyond!” So saying, she held a pose that might have looked a bit more impressive were an equine holding it, one arm thrust out with a palm down, the other curled upward, a lose fist jutting forward, her chin held high.
This time Celestia didn’t bother hiding the gesture as she rubbed her temple with her fingertips. “Gentlemen,” she gestured toward the doorway, “I believe that’s your representative. Shall I arrange an office for your meeting?”
The Great and Powerful Trixie stood rooted to the spot. It was rather irritating for Roseluck, one of the infamous "Flower Trio" of Ponyville, as the one-time stage magician had stopped to ask for directions right in front of the small lot they had rented to sell their wares. The salesmare reached out and prodded the blue pony, hoping to jar her from her apparent stupor. When no reaction occurred, she turned to where the shocked pony was looking. Seeing nothing more unusual than the crystalline castle sprouting like a tree amidst the thatched roofs of the village (which was by now somewhat of an old sight for the populous), she sighed and scooted her table a few inches over, hoping to recover some usable space to interact with other potential customers. A good thing, too, as Time Turner rushed up and started into his usual rapid-fire speech and intensely strange order. While mentally cataloging the flowers the odd pony was requesting, she tuned out the shocked unicorn.
For her part, Trixie was trying to reconcile the tree library she had been expecting to see (and indeed was rather confused to only find a burned stump in it's place) with the massive organically grown structure she now beheld. When she inquired at the market where she might find Twilight Sparkle with the tree being gone, she had expected to be directed to one of the many homes in the area, or perhaps even to Canterlot, the nearest major city and where one might normally expect to find a student of the Princess of the Sun. Taking up residence in a crystal castle, somehow not in the Crystal Empire in spite of how well it would fit much better there than an Earth Pony village, wasn't what she expected at all. Maybe it's Princess Cadence's vacation home...? She had heard from...somewhere, probably the rock farm she'd worked on, that Twilight Sparkle had been a major factor in the defeat of the Changelings during the royal wedding. Likely this had earned her a spot in Mi Amore Cadenza's inner circle, enough to warrant her taking up permanent residence in a castle. Yes...that MUST be the explanation! she thought frantically, That's the only reasonable explanation for what I'm seeing here!
Having reassured herself, she began walking in the direction of the castle. So I merely approach Twilight Sparkle, propose a straight up, no tricks, no amulets, nothing but magic-to-magic, unicorn-to-unicorn dual. Her mental self-pep-talk was working, as the pit that dropped in her stomach at the sight of the new crystal abode didn’t seem as big or as deep as it had before. I shall even eliminate “the magic of friendship” as a variable by declaring this to be a “friendly” bout. Why, what does she have that I don’t…?
Trixie’s pace suddenly slowed, her muzzle dropping as her eyes listed to the ground in front of her, …besides being Princess Celestia’s prized student, the Element of Magic, a dragon hatchling for an assistant… She shook her head, NO! I am The GREAT and POWERFUL TRIXIE! Striking a pose, she breathed deep, pushed a confident smile on her face, and strode onward, I am one of the mightiest unicorn mages on the planet! I did the research to find the Alicorn Amulet, I bested Celestia’s Student AND her friends, and I didn’t need a dragon, hatchling or not, to do any of it! Sure, I had a corrupt magical artifact to do so, but really, that just balanced the scales with Twilight’s Element of Magic! Why, clearly that proves that I’m just as talented a unicorn as Twilight Sparkle, neigh, BETTER! Ego now appropriately boosted and held held high, she rounded the last bend in the road and trotted up to the front door of the castle.
Confidently knocking, she stood back a pace to allow for the doors to swing open. A few moments later, they did, revealing not a servant like Trixie had expected, but the dragonling. He took one look at her and his gaze leveled, a frown sharpening the edges of his face. “What do you want?” he grumped.
She ignored his sour behavior, “The Humble and Penitent Trixie seeks an audience with the Great and Powerful Twilight Sparkle. I have business with her.”
The dragon merely raised his eyebrow, “…really?” he groused, but stepped back to let her in.
As she entered the grand foyer, she couldn’t help but be impressed. She didn’t notice a single tool-mark on any portion of the structure itself, save for the obvious locations where somepony had needed to drive a post into the crystal to hang some of the decorations.
“Wait here,” the dragonling said as he closed the main door, “I’ll go get Twilight.” So saying, he toddled off to do just that. Now having nothing but silence for company, she mentally noted the absence of any servants…or guards…or staff of any sort. It was quiet as, well, a library. “Maybe she just moved the library into the castle…?” Trixie muttered to herself.
To pass the time, she decided to continue the ego-boosting self-talk she had engaged in earlier, hoping to keep her memories of her two earlier…losses of face from overwhelming her when Sparkle finally showed up. Who knows? If I can best Twilight Sparkle, the Princesses might even take personal notice of me! After all, Twilight is the most powerful unicorn of her generation. Defeating her should make it a cinch to get Celestia’s attention. Her lips curled up in a smug smile, Why, such a story of overcoming defeats and emerging triumphant might even catch Princess Luna’s notice, and I hear she knows of spells that have been lost for the last 1,000 years! Now giddy with excitement, she let a giggle escape her lips, I could even catch the attention of Princess Cadence, and be offered a position on her staff! I could end up being the personally selected representative of a Princess to an exotic and foreign land!
Trixie now felt confident enough to take on her unicorn “nemesis,” (though was it really a nemesis if they didn’t even acknowledge that they were one?). Hay, she felt confident enough to take on 10 unicorns! Why, she might even be Great and Powerful enough to take on an Alicorn Princess!
“Trixie!” she heard from one of the branching hallways. “It’s so good to see you!”
The blue unicorn turned to face her fellow unicorn. Sure enough, Twilight Sparkle approached in all her violet glory, complete with pink streak in her mane and tail, her star-shaped cutiemark, her wings…
…wait…
Trixie did a double-take. Being a traveling entertainer did keep one “out of the loop,” but surely this had to be a jest, perhaps a spell that made it so the other mare only appeared to have wings…but no, they fluttered and fidgeted like she’d observed avians of all species do, from birds to pegasi to griffons. Those were wings, all right. Natural, pegasi wings.
Which means…
“OH, COME ON!!!” shouted Trixie at the universe.
-~’~,~@
“So how long ago was this again?” The Embarrassed and Crimson-faced Trixie asked over her second cup of tea.
“About, oh, three months ago, I think?” replied a smiling Twilight. Once Trixie had overcome the drama (an epic of collapsing in on herself and bewailing irony, the universe, and the fickle winds of Fate…Rarity would have been impressed, really) of her first encounter with Princess Twilight Sparkle, she explained that this was the first she’d heard about the ascension.
Trixie thought a moment as she sipped her tea. “Ah,” she said at last, “I was in Griffonstone at the time.”
“Oh!” exclaimed the princess, “The ancient seat of the Griffon nation! You must have loved seeing the sights and soaking up the history! Why, the shear beauty of the Hyperborian Mountains alone must have taken your breath away!”
Trixie gave the alicorn a level gaze, remembering the rough living conditions, the slum-like city, and the utter disrepair of the place. To say nothing of how insufferably rude they were! “…yeah, sure. We’ll go with that.”
“I’ve been meaning to go myself since shortly after a griffon visited Ponyville a while ago, but my duties as Princess Celestia’s student and, well…” she waved her fore-hoof around her expansively to encompass not just the castle, but all that came with it.
Trixie glanced around briefly, “Yes, well, Griffonstone isn’t exactly a hub of news, especially of anything going on outside it’s borders.”
“Well, you knew about Tirek, right?”
Trixie sighed, the memories of being the most magical being in Griffonstone, and therefor the first target of the manavore’s appetite in that city, crowding out all other thoughts for a moment, “Who didn’t know about Tirek? Trixie, er…I was crushed when he took me out like a two-day old foal. I only felt slightly better when I heard the Princesses didn’t fare any better against him…wait…” her eyes lit up, “You mean he drained your magic, too? Then how did you defeat him?”
Twilight chuckled weakly, “Well, actually…” her explanation would have to wait, because Spike pattered into the room carrying an oddly shaped piece of parchment, probably a hoof shorter than Equestrian standard in length and half-a-hoof more narrow in width. It was also astonishingly white for a piece of parchment, which by Equestrian esthetics were usually dyed a subtle tan by the manufacturer if it came out too white. Even the distant Zebra nations used Equestrian standard parchment.
“Twilight!” the dragonling exclaimed unnecessarily. It wasn’t like he didn’t already have the attention of both mares, “This just came through the mirror right after the book started lighting up!”
The purple princess hopped up and grabbed the parchment out of Spike’s grip and headed out of the room quickly. Trixie, her curiosity having been peeked, got to her feet and followed.
When she caught up with the princess, they had entered a room the stage performer had never seen. The center-piece seemed to be a large assembly, only some of which Trixie could guess the purpose of. What she could piece together was that there was a book (presently being examined by Twilight) that was being aetherically connected to a mirror, itself practically glowing with it’s own magic. The mysterious white parchment lay on the floor, nearly forgotten. The writing was face up, and as Spike and Twilight were occupied with the book, she leaned in to examine it more closely.
From: The Desk of Principal Celestia Faust…
Trixie’s eyebrow arched. Since when does the Princess refer to herself as Principal of her school, and why is she using Creator Faust’s name as a family name? She continued to read;
From: The Desk of Principal Celestia Faust To: Princess Twilight Sparkle Dear Princess Twilight, we have a situation that requires your attention. In short, our federal government is sending representatives in two days time to investigate the portal and establish diplomatic relations with Equestria…
By now thoroughly befuddled, Trixie picked up the page in her magic and flipped it over, hoping there would be something on the back that would reveal the purpose of the cryptic writing. Alas, it was blank.
“…so I’ll need to go over tonight.” she realized Twilight was speaking, though not to her, “But I’ve got the delegation from Zebrica arriving tomorrow morning, and they’re scheduled to visit for four days! I can’t just drop everything and meet with some human diplomats!” The newest princess was interrupted by a clearing of a throat.
She turned to Trixie, who was holding up the parchment. “What,” began the entertainer, “Is this, what is a…’ha-yoo-mun’, and why is Princess Celestia writing about establishing diplomatic relations with herself?” she paused for a moment, then giggled, “That sounded vaguely dirty and I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”
Twilight stared at Trixie for a moment, one could practically hear the gears turning in the alicorn’s head, when a grin appeared on her face. Far too large and suspicious for Trixie’s liking. A grin that only spoke of potential difficulty in her immediate future.
She wasn’t the only one who noticed, Spike glanced back and forth between the two mares and deadpanned, “No…Twilight, just no! You can’t seriously be thinking…I’ll go!”
The princess, still grinning that grin of the engineer who’d just come up with a solution to a problem only they could see, patted the dragon on the head, “Sorry, Spike. Even as a talking dog, you’re far too young to be a diplomat. No, it needs to be somepony with a wealth of knowledge of Equestria. Somepony who is good at dealing with all sorts of creatures and the unexpected. Somepony who wouldn’t be surprised by sudden changes to their body by magical artifacts. Somepony who…eheh…has had greater than normal contact with the Equestrian government, even if that is as someone of the receiving end of the justice system…no offense Trixie.” The alicorn’s grin turned apologetic to the other mare.
Still very much in the dark, the blue pony deadpanned, “None taken…”
“So you see, Spike,” continued Twilight, “Trixie really would be the best possible choice right now.”
The dragon snorted, “Fine, but I’m saying it right now, for the record: This is a bad idea!”
“Noted,” chirped the princess, who then turned to Trixie, “So, how do you feel about joining the Equestrian Diplomatic Corp.?”
As nonplussed as she had been before, The Befuddled and Confused Trixie realized her map and compass for this conversation were not only not with her, they were likely on opposite sides of the world and would require Daring Do herself to find, “…what?!”
Twilight, girl genius and one-time best student at Crystal Prep, squinted at the strobing red and blue lights around her. Sighing deeply, she wondered how things had come to this. "I SAID BACK OFF!!!" screamed the voice of Adagio Dazzle. The police, who were all aiming their firearms at the trio of Sirens, didn't move, though the detective in front held up his hands and took a half-step back. "Calm down, miss." said the man. Even Twilight, who wasn't even the one he was addressing, found his voice condescending. "Nobody needs to get hurt here." “OOOH, OOH, TWILIGHT! LOOKITME! I’M A HOSTAGE!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie far too cheerfully. She was, in fact, being held by the wrists by Adagio, said wrists being securely manacled by handcuffs. Twilight simply smacked a palm to her face, her glasses digging lightly into the bridge of her nose. “Knock it off, you pink menace!” snapped the Siren, “What do you think this is, a party?!” Pinkie’s eyes lit up at the mention of her favorite word, “THAT’S A GREAT IDEA! We can have a hostage party, there can be cake, little party favors shaped like handcuffs, all sorts of snacks!” Sonata chose that moment to make herself known, much to Adagio’s obvious irritation, “That’s a great idea! Oooh, ooh! Can we have the DJ do a light show using police lights?” This clearly only egged on the abducted party planner, “Genius!” she spouted, “She could be dressed as a cop…” “A sexy cop!” Sonata waggled her eyebrows suggestively. “…PERFECT! And search lights instead of party lights, and police tape instead of streamers!” “We could put serial numbers around people’s necks when they check in, like criminals!” chirped the blue haired siren. The cops were, by now, turning to stare at each other in confusion as the odd interchange took place. “But then it’d be more of a Jailhouse party…THAT’S IT,” Pinkie bounced in Adagio’s grip, “Have the boys wear the serial number, and the girls wear detective’s badges!” The two apparently dizzy girls leaned toward each other and in odd synchronization sing-songed, “Matchmaking theme!” “SHUT UP!” barked Adagio, “Pink menace, zip it and stop…BOUNCING!” the pink girl did as requested so suddenly one might have never guessed she had just been conspiring with one of her captors, “Sonata, get back over there and help Aria keep an eye on the others!” Sonata let out a mou of displeasure and started trudging back to the corner of the statue they had the Rainbooms huddled against. Suddenly Pinkie leaned in close and handed Sonata a business card that read, “Pinkie Pie, Sooooooper Party Planner” and a phone number. “Have your people call my people,” she said in a stage whisper and zipped away. Sonata giggled and practically skipped the rest of the way back to retrieve the handgun she had handed to Aria. Adagio was showing signs of a mental break as she looked from the pink girl, wrists still bound and in her own hands, to Sonata and back. The blue haired siren didn’t seem to even realize that something unusual had occurred, chattering at Aria (not with the other Siren, as Aria never even acknowledged being spoken to by her sister), while Pinkie Pie showed all the innocence of a five year old. Growling in frustrated (and slightly around the bend) anger, Adagio pulled the knife from it’s scabbard on her belt once again. It was one of the few truly magical artifacts the Siren’s had found in the millennium plus they had wandered this world since being banished there. Of course, it had been an ancient Mare-an sacrificial dagger, so it’s magic was death related and completely unsuitable for opening a gateway back to Equestria or ensorcelling anyone, so while they had collected it, they never had opportunity or need to use it until now. “I WANT THE COPS TO BACK OFF, RIGHT NOW! That includes you, Donut Muncher!” Detective Muncher waved his hands, directing the police officers to take a couple of steps back. “SHE’LL DO IT!” shouted Pinkie, the over-the-top hysteria in her voice belied by the grin on her face, “SHE’LL CUT MY BANGS!” Applejack had clearly had enough, “She’s gonna cut more than your bangs if you keep provokin’ her!” she hollered at her friend. “Shut it!” snapped Aria and levelled her gun at Applejack’s face. The cowgirl simply raised her hands higher and leaned away from the siren. Twilight Sparkle felt completely in over her head. On the one hand, she wanted to help her new friends. On the other, there was nothing she could do. She turned to head back to the temporary building parked on the street in front of the school. Sure, the State Department’s staff wouldn’t be there this late at night, but that just made it an even better hiding place while this was all worked out. Heaven knew that Trixie had dragged her in there enough times she knew the layout and best place to use as cover if shots started firing. She was stopped in her progress by two identical white haired girls. Oh, no! she frantically thought. The Trixie in the lead spoke for both of them, “Don’t worry,” she exclaimed, “The Great and Powerful Trixies have got this!” so saying, they in unison flicked their wrists, causing a pair of sunglasses, of all things, to appear in each of their hands with a puff of smoke. The swung their arms dramatically to put the ostentatious and unnecessary eyewear on and strode toward the Sirens. The white haired girl that was trailing behind the other grabbed Twilight by her wrist, “C’mon roomie, we’re gonna need you for this.” As the Trixie in the lead snapped, “Bellatrix Lullamoon, Equestrian Diplomatic Corps” and shoved her officially issued ID showing both her human and pony pictures into Detective Muncher’s face without breaking stride, Twilight Sparkle gave off a squeeking mew that, just for a moment, did Fluttershy proud.
While living in an apartment was hardly ideal, it did have the occasional perk, especially when one had a roommate who happened to be one’s sister and coworker. Of course, picking a place in the “nice” part of town (not quite in the Crystal Estates neighborhood of Canterlot City, but if you threw a horseshoe you’d likely hit the front gate) meant that the amenities were darn near palatial without being ostentatious. Clearly her temporary houseguest agreed, the visiting Princess Twilight Sparkle sighing happily as she sank into the hot tub across from Principal Celestia. “Oh, yes! It’s not the Ponyville Spa, but ooooooh, I needed this!” Celestia quietly reflected the satisfied sigh of the younger woman as she allowed the hot water to ease some of the knots in her back. “Rough day?” Twilight draped her arms up on the rim of the tub and let her head roll back, “Not rough, really. The Zebras are wonderful. It was just long.” The administrator chuckled, “I know the feeling well. My mother could tell you how poorly I handled any sort of leadership position when I was your age.” Twilight looked up in surprise, then chuckled. Celestia tilted her head slightly, puzzled, “What was the look for?” “Hmm?” “The surprised look, just then.” “Oh! I just don’t think of you, well, having a mother. My world’s Celestia is a millennia old alicorn, remember. And she never talks about her and Luna’s parents, so it was just a little surprising, that’s all.” Celestia nodded her head in understanding. “You can imagine how I felt when my world’s Twilight signed up for classes at CHS, then.” They both giggled at that before settling into a few moments of relaxed and companionable silence. Twilight interrupted the silence first, “What were you doing?” “Hmm?” “When you were my age, what were you doing that showed you had problems with leadership?” Celestia blinked, clearing the fog of relaxation from her mind and digging up old memories. “Oh! Goodness, that was…I was just a teenager then, so I would have been…on the Cheer squad. Yes, I wanted to be captain, but when I finally got the position because Sparkleworks transferred to Breezy Valley High…well, the team nearly fell apart by the third practice. It was quite the learning experience in how to lead…what?” The older woman stopped when she realized the princess wasn’t quite glaring in confusion. “How old do you think I am?” queried Twilight. “Well, you look to be about sixteen or seventeen. Certainly an appropriate age for High School.” The confusion on the younger woman’s face only grew worse. “I’m twenty-three years old. What, you think they let teenagers be princesses in Equestria?” “What?!” Logically, Celestia knew her alarm was very much ex-post facto. “I had a twenty-three year old woman wandering around my school pretending to be a student?!” “Hey, it wasn’t like I had much choice!” defended Twilight, “Besides, in Equestria ponies are students until they leave the school, not based on any particular age. It’s not uncommon for ponies to stay in school studying higher and higher forms of learning until they’re in their twenties. Some ponies who go for Doctorates or Sorcerates stay in school until their thirties!” Celestia deadpanned, “We have schools for people in their twenties and thirties, too. They’re called ‘colleges.’” There was another pause in the conversation as they both realized that, as similar as their worlds were, there were some unexpected differences they were going to be tripping over. “Wait!” gasped Celestia, “Aren’t you and Sunset Shimmer the same age?” “Don’t be ridiculous,” chuckled Twilight. Celestia groaned out a relieved sigh, “Thank goodness…” “…she’s thirty-five. She was Princess Celestia’s student before I was, and came to this world before I even became a full time student as a filly.” Celestia’s heart clenched up again, “…the school board is going to have my head! I’ve let a thirty year old wander amongst my teenage students unchecked for nearly four years now!” Twilight herself made a mental connection just then, “Wait, all your students are teenagers?” Celestia nodded her head, “They enter high school around age fourteen and graduate around age eighteen.” “Even,” Twilight’s voice was tremulous, “Even Flash Sentry?” “He’s seventeen, actually.” It was Twilight’s turn to have a heart attack, “Oh-NO!” she groaned, “I have a crush on a teenage boy! I’m a dirty old nag!” she grasped her head, fingers twining and tangling in her multi-hued strands. She felt Celestia’s arms surround her, trying to comfort the younger woman. A few moments of much needed commiseration later, they pulled back and looked into each other’s eyes. As much as worlds and duties and age separated them, it was moments like this that brought them closer together as friends. They gave each other watery smiles, the sounds of city nights providing background to their quiet moment of bonding. Suddenly, Celestia giggled, “’Dirty old nag’?” Twilight giggled in reply, and suddenly they were both seized with a fit of laughter at the absurdity of their respective situations.
Twilight Sparkle, best young mind that Crystal Prep had ever produced, struggled to make her way down the hallway to Dean Cadance’s office. It was not as though there was a mass of bodies as one might expect in such a struggle, as all the other students were in class and Twilight was alone in her journey. What caused the struggle instead was the emotional tide that seemed to push her away from her favorite educator’s office.
Twilight was not one to be easily taken by depression. After all, being the school’s “loner of loners” did not allow one the luxury of indulging darker emotions, especially when one is as driven as the daughter of Night Light and Twilight Velvet. Besides, the aforementioned parents and her BBBFF were usually all she needed to keep her spirits high. They were some of the most supportive parents she knew of, though admittedly she didn’t know many other student’s parents; her conclusion that she had extremely supportive parents came from the observations she had made of her own parents in contrast to the parents of the kids at the few school activities she attended. (Usually because her older brother was participating in some event or other)
Depression was really the only word for what she was feeling right now, however. Never once in her life had all her hopes and dreams been so soundly dashed all at once, nor had they been destroyed so completely.
Finding herself at an obstruction in her path, she looked up and realized she was at the oak-paneled door with frosted window that lead to Dean Cadance’s office. Never before had the young student feared opening this particular door since Cadance started working here just four years prior, which coincided with the last time her brother had a major sports event before graduating. Which was the last Friendship Games. The thought of the event brought her thoughts crashing low again, completely spoiling any headway of getting out of her depression she had made.
She raised her hand and knocked lightly on the glass pane. Depression made way for minor confusion as she heard a muffled thump and a low male voice. Then, another familiar female voice came muffled through the closed door, “Yes? Who is it?”
“Dean Cadance? It’s me, Twilight Sparkle.”
More muffled thumping and Twilight would’ve bet her ohm-meter that she was hearing a man’s voice whispering, but it was just inaudible enough to maybe, possibly be some shuffling of…whatever was making all the noise in the dean’s office. “I…I can come back later, if you need me to.”
“No! No, that’s OK, Twilee.” The Dean slipped into using her old nickname from when Twilight was a preteen and Cadance was babysitting to help pay for school, “Just…give me a moment…” More shuffling of something, followed by a thump and…was that a metal latch clicking? Then, “OK, come on in, Twilight!”
While confusion and curiosity roiled in Twilight’s mind, it was clear the rest of her was still sunk in depression from Cadance’s reaction to her when she opened the door. “Oh, Twilee, what’s wrong?” The young educator stood and circled her desk. Wasting not a moment, she closed the door behind her student and guided her to a seat on a sofa the dean kept for just this kind of meeting.
The analytical part of Twilight’s mind was busy noticing the desk was a total mess, there were some files poking out from behind a filing cabinet, and there was an extra suit coat that looked too large for Cadance’s frame, and a lack of any other person who would have made the masculine sounding vocalizations she thought she heard earlier.
The rest of her told the analytical part to shove off and collapsed into her old babysitter’s embrace and started bawling her eyes out. She was grateful for this, as it had been years since her old babysitter had held her close, rocking her gently, and cooed gentle and loving admonitions. Never before had the heartbreak been this bad, though.
Once the flow of tears slowed enough that she could speak without heaving sobs interrupting, she started explaining what had happened.
Principal Cinch, an educator that Twilight had previously held in very high regard but hadn’t had many dealings with, had called the genius girl into her office to discuss the upcoming Friendship Games. Twilight’s voice quavered, “…and she made it clear that...if I didn’t participate,” a sob heaved from her body again, “I would never even see Everton Academy’s doors, let alone get my application for the independent study program approved.”
As Twilight collapsed into sobs again, practically curling up into Cadance’s lap, the Dean’s brow furrowed. “Oh, Twilee…” she muttered.
Another minute or two of silent commiseration allowed the younger girl to collect herself again. “I…I didn’t even want to compete anyway. It just…didn’t feel right, being pressured like that. I just couldn’t say yes, what if she asked me to do something worse, like sabotage the games or spy on the other teams or something? I’ve read enough books to know how this kind of thing goes, you say ‘yes’ now to something simple and easy, and they just keep turning up the pressure until you’re doing terrible and horrible things! I was just going to attend the games because it would allow me to study those energy readings from Canterlot High up close.” Dean Cadance was careful not to let her amused eye-roll be seen by Twilight. The girl had been going on for months about a strange new form of energy that she’d eventually triangulated to the area of the opposing school’s campus. The math went over the educator’s head, were she completely honest, and she couldn’t see any real-world applications for it outside of gaining Twilight even more credibility as a young genius in the world of science, but the girl was excited about it, so Cadance let her run with it.
Actually, now that she thought about it…
“Twilight, would you say that your studies have…hit a dead end here at Crystal Prep?” asked Cadance.
“Huh?” the student looked up, wondering where this apparent non-sequiter would lead.
Putting on her best sympathetic smile, Dean Cadance pressed forward, “It’s just that I’ve had you in my office complaining about how little the teachers here have left to teach you, how you feel you need better outlets for your scientific pursuits and studies…I think you’ve just about run Mr. Boards ragged trying to keep up with your expertise in electrical engineering.” The two shared a companionable giggle remembering the perennially stressed out Circuit Boards who was always convinced that Twilight was about to blow the city’s power grid with her experiments.
“Plus,” Cadance paused, then pressed on, “Don’t take this the wrong way Twilight, but I’ve been concerned with your…” she paused again, collecting her thoughts, “Lack of interest in the ‘soft sciences.’” At Twilight’s slightly offended look, her old babysitter simply smiled. “Twilight, do you remember what my minor was in college?”
“Of course, it was Psychology!”
“And what did I do to come to the attention of a school like Crystal Prep and become the youngest dean in the school’s history?”
Of course, Twilight figured out where this was going already, but she played along, “…you wrote a paper that caught the attention of some of the President’s advisory staff, who asked you to help him deal with the U.N. in the wake of the rise of the terrorist cult leader Sombra.”
Cadance had that smile that drove Twilight up the wall, but only because she knew she’d be acknowledging that, once again, the older woman was right by the time they were done talking. “And what have I told you every time you asked me how I managed to get the better of Sombra? A man who, in your own words, ‘made the rest of the world leaders quake in their pants’?”
Now Twilight giggled again, “I don’t recall saying ‘quake’ when I asked you that the first time.”
Cadance giggled as well, “True, but you’re stalling. What do I tell you?”
Twilight sighed, “You used your knowledge of Psychology to profile him and figure out what would get under his skin.” She harrumphed, “But don’t forget it was my brother that knocked him out allowing the SWAT team to capture him!”
The educator smiled as she remembered the particular hostage crisis that the ‘quick, two-day, high profile advisory job’ wound up becoming. “True, but Shining never would have been out of handcuffs in the first place if I hadn’t talked Sombra into letting him go.”
The purple-skinned student grumbled good-naturedly, folding her arms and sticking out her tongue at Cadance. “Fine! So the ‘soft sciences’ can have useful application and somehow, in spite of all evidence to the contrary, can produce consistent enough results to be considered true science.”
The Dean smiled at her student fondly, “All I’m saying, Twilee, is that you need to broaden your studies to include areas you are weak in right now while you’re pursuing your true passions in the ‘hard’ sciences.”
Having been reminded of her purpose for coming into Dean Cadance’s office to begin with, Twilight sagged back into her friend’s arms. “But…how am I going to do that when Principal Cinch is going to make sure I don’t get into Everton Academy?”
Cadance playfully tapped a finger on Twilight’s nose, “Remember what I said about having too narrow a focus? I wasn’t talking about Everton. I was talking about a place that would allow you to pursue your studies of this new form of energy you’re so excited about up-close and is run by some close friends of mine who I know excel in the soft sciences and will support you in both endevors.” The look of befuddlement on Twilight’s face was so…cute that Cadance once again marveled that some boy hadn’t tried to ask Twilight out on a date. Then again, the girl was fairly intimidating to the teachers, so the dean supposed that she couldn’t hold it against the students to be too afraid to approach the school’s resident genius. “I’m talking about Canterlot High, Twilight.”
A look of not-quite condescension flashed across Twilight’s face, “But…their reputation isn’t very good…”
Cadance bit back an exasperated sigh, Darn Cinch and her obsession with ‘reputation…’ “And isn’t really deserved.” the educator interrupted, “Not only have they always been an excellent school, Tia and Lu…er, Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna have really been working hard over the last few months to make it even better. Sure, they are a public school, so they don’t have the same access to private funding that we do at Crystal Prep, but they do magnificently with what they have and, since Celestia has been principal, never gone over budget.” Even with the entire front of the school collapsing in a mysterious event that nobody will tell me the truth about, Cadance thought to herself, Gas line explosion my eye!
Twilight bit her lip, a nervous habit the teen had from her grade school days, “Well, I suppose,” she allowed herself a smile, “And it would allow me to study the mystery energy up close!”
“That’s the spirit!” exclaimed Cadance, “Tell you what, I’ll let your teachers know you’re taking the rest of the day off from your classes. You take some time to pack up your notes and experiments in your lab, including the dog you think I don’t know about.” The pink skinned educator added this last with a wink.
Twilight blushed, giggled, and stood. “I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to my parents…”
Cadance guided the student to the door, “You let me worry about Nighty and Velvet,” this time the use of the familiar nicknames was intentional, to remind Twilight that there was a relationship that went back much further and was more intimate than Educator and Parents-of-a-Student. “You just focus on getting you ready for this transition.”
By now Twilight was feeling much better. She had a ray of hope, a new project, a way to continue her old project, and, most importantly, reaffirmed that she had a friend she could count on. “Thanks, Cadance.”
“Anytime, Twilight. And next time I see you I expect you to be feeling good enough to greet me like you used to.”
Twilight blushed, “But…but that’s so…”
“Come on…you know you want to…” the Dean teased, by now in the hallway with Twilight just outside her office door.
“We did that when I was ten, isn’t it a little…?”
“Sunshine, sunshine…” the educator chanted, ear-to-ear grin on her face.
Twilight was now beet red, “Cadance, c’mon, not at school!”
The aforementioned woman leaned in closer, “Ladybugs awake…” she drawled out the ‘a’ sounds in a sing-song voice.
Twilight groaned, “Fine!”
Together, they intoned a chant and dance that they’d known and practiced for years when Cadance was a mere babysitter and before Twilight was old enough to get teenage-itis.
“Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hands and do a little shake!” The schoolyard hand-clapping style dance was finished with the two women turning and wiggling their posteriors at each other, and the absurdity finally broke down the last of Twilights reserve. The pair giggled like schoolgirls and hugged.
“Thanks again, Cadance!” said Twilight.
“Again…anytime, Ladybug.” replied the dean as her student, soon to be ex-student, left with a spring in her step that certainly wasn’t there when the teenager had entered her office earlier.
Cadance re-entered the office and closed the door. She leaned against the door, careful of the glass panel, and heaved a relieved sigh. “You can come out now.” she announced to the seemingly empty office.
The door to a small storage closet, meant for a couple of filing cabinets and not much else, popped open and a young man came tumbling out, nearly falling to the floor in his eagerness to get out of the cramped confines. His somewhat disheveled appearance was offset by his clearly well-sculpted physique and square jaw. He straightened himself up, ran his fingers through his blue hair, and adjusted his tie. “What in the world was Cinch thinking?” he exclaimed, “I thought you and I were supposed to help her convince Twilight to participate…and what was the blackmail about?!”
Cadance sighed and crossed the room, taking over the adjusting of his tie, “I don’t know, but it unfortunately fits a pattern I’ve been seeing the last couple of years.” she finished with his tie and collar, then smoothed his shirt with an intimate…very intimate gesture over his pectorals, “Shiny, I’m going to have to do some ‘school administrator’ stuff for the next little bit while I look into this deeper. We’re going to have to keep these visits to off-campus for the time being.” She slid her hands around his torso until she was hugging him close. “This would be a lot easier if you’d just tell your family about us.”
Shining Armor sighed. “You know I want to, Cadance, but I only just graduated two years ago. You’ve been dean here for two years before that. I’m thinking mostly of how it’ll look for you.” He held her close, “I’m just worried for you. I don’t want you to lose your job. Sure, my mom will be over the moon, you know she loves you. Dad will be OK with it once we explain that we weren’t...a couple until Sombra’s escape last summer…”
“…which we can’t, because that Sombra’s even still alive is a top secret thing…” she nuzzled his chest.
“…and that’s not even taking Twilee into account.” he stated with finality. One thing that Cadance knew about her boyfriend after knowing him since they were both teenagers and she was babysitter to his little sister, Shining Armor didn’t allow anything to mess with his little sister.
With a sigh, she reached her lips up to meet his. They shared a brief moment of intimacy, then broke off. Cadance returned to her desk while Shining put his coat back on.
“Are you going to be at Canterlot High for the games?” Cadance said, more to fill the silence than anything.
Shining tossed her a cocky grin that made her question her decision to put a halt to their at-work rendezvous, “What with Twilee going to be there? Wild horses couldn’t keep me away!” he replied with a chuckle as he slid his brand new State Department badge back into his coat pocket.
Sweetie Drops sighed in contentment as she watched her…BEST FRIEND head for her next class. One could be forgiven for thinking the pink and blue haired girl’s gaze was lingering perhaps a bit too long on the lyre shaped applique on Lyra’s jeans as the mint green girl left the room. After all, it could certainly appear that she was watching her BEST FRIEND’s butt. That, however, would be crazy talk. On certainly didn’t ogle one’s BEST FRIEND after all.
Although Lyra left the room, Sweetie remained in her unintentionally sopped out pose, gazing into the last space her…BEST FRIEND had occupied in that room. She probably would have stayed that way until the class bell rang had another ‘bell’ not rung, that of her cell phone.
Blinking herself out of her daze, she pulled her phone out of her pocket. Habit of years drew her eyes to the caller ID, but of course she recognized the ringtone instantly and held the phone to her ear, “Hey, Chips. What’s the sitch?”
“One of these days,” came the slightly laconic, if nasally, reply, “You need to just ask her out.”
“Micro! Were you watching me again?! And she’s just a friend!”
She could practically hear the eye-roll topping the sarcasm through the phone, “Yeah, sure.”
Sweetie Drops snorted, “Did you call to harass me about a love life that only exists in your head, or do you have a mission for me?”
Realizing that any further banter would, indeed distract from the business at hand, Micro Chips got straight to the point. “Well, it seems that our favorite visiting Princess has finally gotten the attention from the higher-ups. They’re going to be normalizing formal relations and establishing an embassy right outside the school.”
Sweetie Drop’s eyebrows went up, “’bout time,” she replied, “Did they finally read our sitreps?”
“They must have, ‘cause they’ve assigned you to be one of the agents on protection detail.”
Sweetie Drops groaned into the phone’s mic, “Really?! Protection detail is so boring!”
Micro snickered, “Since when do ‘boring’ missions ever stay that way around you?”
She pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers, “Fine, do we have a dossier on the mark yet?”
“Not yet, apparently they’re not sure if Twilight’s coming herself, or if she’s sending an ambassador. Plus, there’s Celestia, you know how much of a wildcard she can be.”
“So long as we’re talking about the Celestia we know, I think I can keep ahead of her.” Sweetie Drops replied. “From what I’ve been able to overhear when the Princess visits, Princess Celestia sounds like a millennia-old chessmaster.”
“Brrrr,” Chips vocalized over the phone, “Give me Discord any day of the week over any version of Celestia who’s that smart and that experienced.”
“Oi!” snapped Sweetie Drops, “Don’t mention his name!”
“C’mon, you don’t buy into that rumor that he shows up if you say his name too many times, do you? You know he’s the one that started it, right?”
“Maybe, but you’re not the one that has to apprehend him and Screwball if they show their faces.”
“Fair enough,” replied Chips. “I’ll leave the dossier of your assignment as soon as we know more. I think Derpy’s left her phone at home again, mind filling her in when you see her in class later?”
Sweetie Drops rolled her eyes. “Provided she’s not skipping class to hang out with Mr. Turner again. Honestly, it’s like she hero-worships that guy.”
“I know, right? He’s so random, I don’t know what she sees in him.”
“You just don’t like him because he’s got no paper trail,” mused Sweetie Drops. She glanced at the wall clock, “Anyway, I need to hurry if I’m going to catch my next class. Tell the higher-ups that Agents Bon-Stoppable and Muffins-Possible are on the job.”
“I’m telling you, you should push for getting Lyra read in and on your team instead. Then you could be Agents Harp-butt and Candy-a…”
“GOODBYE, CHIPS!” growled Sweetie Drops into the phone and hung up.
Aria was, as usual, fuming. She’d been doing that a lot, of late, ever since Adagio declared that they should split up in their search for some form of magic that would end their banishment to this human world. Of course, given how often both Adagio and Aria blew their tops whenever Sonata went haring off after some distraction that had nothing to do with magic or their eternal quest for negative emotions to consume, the purple siren suspected the ‘split up’ order had simply been to formalize what was already happening.
So here Aria was again, for the fourth time in as many years, standing on a dock in England, having to put up with far too many randy sailors who hadn’t been in port long enough to know that you don’t mess with the purple girl, no matter that she chose to dress like a prostitute.
It was Aria’s manner of dress that also guaranteed that Adagio wouldn’t be waiting there with her. The orange siren’s current “disguise” as an upper-crust noble loosely attached to some Duchy or whatever “coincidentally” made it socially undesirable to be seen with her fellow siren. Aria didn’t have the patience for such a thing and spent her time around the Cream of the Crap, or in other words, the major Pirate lords of England.
That didn’t give Adagio the right to treat her like an errand girl, though. She had better things to do than wait for Sonata’s ship to pull in to port. Like attend a ‘party’ that was no more than a front for her captain to hold a conference with his main rival. That the man had the unwritten approval of the Crown, thus making him a privateer (in the loosest sense) was merely a side benefit the the potentially lucrative Spanish coastal trade routes being joined under one banner, if not necessarily one ship. Of course, they had to deal with the Persian pirates that were between them and the Subcontinent.
And speaking of Asia, where the deuce was Sonota’s Sun-forsaken ship?! The flighty siren had been gone for nearly a year supposedly to investigate potential sources of magic. If reports from the merchants that travelled the Silk Road could be believed even a little, then India could be the most magic-rich country on this otherwise mana deprived world. Of course, Aria had a feeling Sonata was really in it for the spices and receipts that could be found in the exotic lands they had passed through only briefly about 300 years prior.
Finally, as the sun was starting to approach its mid-day position, she spotted the flag of the ship Sonata was supposed to be aboard on one of the three ships that had sailed in the direction of the harbor town she was at. Being no mere novice at sailing herself, Aria knew it would be a good hour for the ship to pull into port, so she snorted in impatience and headed to one of the dockside pubs that she knew had some half-decent grub. Sure, the food they served wasn’t Apathy or Anger or Strife, but it was better than the Frenchified, overboiled garbage that was served for most English food these days.
One and a half hours and one mid-day meal the pub owner had called a “sand-witch” (a singularly disgusting name for what turned out to be a quite delicious assembly of food between two slices of bread), Aria was once again standing at the dock, watching the crew of her fellow siren’s ship tie down lines and run out the gangplank.
“ARIA!!!” chirped a voice that she probably could have gone another year without hearing, “GUESS WHAT I BROUGHT!?!?”
The purple siren looked up to see Sonata standing at the top of the gangplank, wearing pants (wouldn’t Adagio be scandalized!) and giving every appearance of being just another member of the crew, heaving a hogshead barrel over her shoulder like it was a burlap sack with a load of feathers instead of holding a quarter-tonne of liquid.
Sonata never did seem to get the concept of “incognito.” Or “subtlety.” Or “blending in.”
Ignoring the lack of response from Aria (as well as the groaning of the gangplank as she hopped down it), Sonata dropped the barrel, also ignoring the reactions to the other people standing on the dock as the whole wooden assembly shook like the Dover Straits quake all over again, and hugged the other girl. “I missed you and Adagio so much! So guess!”
Aria pushed the other girl to arm’s length, “Say what now?”
“Guess what I brought back from Asia!” Sonata seemed oblivious to Aria’s standoffishness. She almost always did.
Aria sighed, “Alright, fine. A magic carpet?”
Sonata giggled, “No, silly! I didn’t go to the middle east, I went to India. So guess what I brought back?”
Rolling her eyes, Aria eyed the barrel next to them. “Water from a fountain of immortality?”
Sonata was confused for a moment. “Huh? Oh!” she realized her fellow siren thought the barrel contained what she was talking about. “Nononono…it’s not in the barrel. That’s something the crew let me keep if I made them 10 more barrels of it and gave them the receipt*.”
One of the sailors from the ship happened to be near enough to overhear. “Aye, and a fine batch o’ grog it makes!” he bellowed. The other sailors nearby laughed heartily.
Sonata laughed at her travelling companions of the last year. “It’s not grog, sillies!”
Aria was getting frustrated. Well, more frustrated than usual. “Tell me that you actually found something magical!” she snapped.
“Right!” Sonata dug through her waistpack and pulled out a small wrapped bundle. She handed it over to Aria. “It’s not much, I know.” The sirens sighed in frustration. They could both feel the tiny, weak magical signature in the artifact. Purple hands cradled it gently as she unwrapped what turned out to be a small statue, one of the Indian gods with multiple arms. “For serious, that’s, like, the most magic I could find there. I think it’s just some ambient Belief that’s attached itself to the statue for a couple thousand years and just became self perpetuating.”
Aria didn’t even bat an eyelash. By now she was used to the otherwise flighty siren suddenly revealing the genius that hid beneath the childlike surface of Sonata’s personality. “This is what you got so excited about?”
“That is in the barrel!” she turned to the ship again, “Hey, Cap’n! You still got that open barrel in the galley?”
The ship’s captain poked his head over the rail, “I think we do, but no promises on anything being left.” he said with a wink.
Before Aria could say anything, Sonata bounded back up the gangplank and disappeared back into the ship. Moments later, she hurried back with two mugs, their contents splashing just a little in Sonata’s eagerness to show off. The blue siren handed her one of the mugs and then started quaffing her own. Aria sniffed the drink, catching no small whiff of alcohol fumes wafting from the concoction, then sipped.
Determined not to show Sonata any sign that she liked the drink, she surreptitiously turned her sip into a chug, downing the beverage in a single pull. She caught her breath and stared into the now empty mug, “…yeah, it’s alright. What is it?” If it had a secret ingredient and Sonata just gave away the receipt for it, Aria was going to murder the other siren in her sleep.
“It has five ingredients in it, one part sour; that’s the lime juice you’re tasting, two parts sugar, three parts strong drink…we only had arak, so that’s what’s in it, four parts weak; I used the tea we had aboard, and…” she trailed off for just a moment, her eyes rolling upward as if in ecstasy, “…yummy, yummy spices!”
I knew it! Aria thought, I knew she went to that damn subcontinent to follow her stomach!
Sonata was oblivious to Aria’s mental fury, “I call it paantsch, ‘cause I came up with it on a trip to India, and paantsch is the word they use there for the number five!”
The purple siren glared at her blue counterpart, “’Punch’?”
“No, no…paantsch.”
“You invented a new drink, and called it ‘punch’?”
Sonata was a little distressed by her repetition of using the ‘incorrect’ name, “Noooo, it’s paantsch, not punch. Punch is such a violent word! Food doesn’t like violence, Aria.”
Aria tucked this new piece of ammunition to use against Sonata way in her mind and shoved her mug at the other siren, “Whatever. Just bring your barrel, we gotta show Adagio that you found some magic on your trip or she’ll skin us both alive.”
Sonata handed the empty drinking vessels to her now-former shipmates still getting the ship rigged for being in dock, picked up her barrel over her shoulder again, and skipped after her fellow siren.
* - This was what recipes used to be called. No lie!
400 years later… (give or take, but still 2 weekends before ‘Chapter 1’)
It was like a nightmarish version of her Aunt Celestine.
“OH...MY...FAUST, SHE’S SO CUTE!” came the squealed exclamation inches from her face while her cheeks were being compressed by the flat of a pair of hooves.
Unlike her Aunt Celestine, her assailant wasn’t human, nor was she related to Celestia. Well, not technically.
Luna, curse her black heart, was grinning like a loon.
“TIA, CAN WE KEEP HER?! WE HAVE TO KEEP HER!”
“Lu-lu…” another voice startlingly like her own sang out, “Come now, behave.” The tone was that of the patient lecturing mentor, but was somewhat spoiled by the giggling sneaking in.
“But she’s so TINY!” the nearly black equine pretty much blasted into her face, “Just look at those cute little cheeks!” Said cheeks were still being mauled by the alicorn’s hooves.
Twilight Sparkle chose this moment to pipe in, “Ah...Princess Luna? Could you please let go of Cel...er, Principal Celestia?”
Princess Luna simply swept her under a dark blue wing, which proved to be surprisingly strong, holding her so her hooves were several inches off the floor. “Neigh! She shall be my Celly! I shall love her and squeeze her and call her Celly! And dress her in silly hats!”
Principal Celestia puffed out a sigh, blowing a lock of hair away from her face in the process. Transforming into a pony upon entering the statue side of the portal had been expected. She had been thoroughly briefed by both Sunset Shimmer and Princess Twilight that such was likely to happen. What hadn’t been expected (and was discovering the downsides of) was how much smaller she was compared to her Equestrian counterpart.
Right after passing through the portal, Twilight Sparkle had favorably compared her to a model named Fleur de Lis. She was taller than most ponies, (taller than Twilight, in fact) long legged, and sporting a horn she was told was longer than average. (No wings, darn it all anyway) The lack of pants was actually less disconcerting than the tail she now sported, in the same pastel rainbow coloring as her hair. (Which, she supposed, should actually be called a mane on this side of the portal.) Beyond the species and size difference, (and the Princess’ mane waving like she had her own personal dramatic breeze, how did she do that?) the two Celestias were nearly identical.
And what a size difference it was! While she was tall for a pony, she was a dwarf next to her counterpart, and even next to the Princess of the Night she had the stature of a child.
And, of course, the pegasus that was her sister, Vice-principal Luna, was laughing her now fuzzy butt off. The shorter, darker sister was smaller than Twilight, but not by much, but with an impressive wingspan...which was flopped out to both sides as she collapsed to the floor.
The ponified Principal glared at her sister, “Die in a fire, Luna,” she said matter-of-factly, “Die in a fire.”
This only served to redouble the vice-principal’s laughter.
Fortunately for the newly minted pegasus’ lifespan, Princess Celestia took matters in hand...er, hoof. “Luna, sister...” the twinkling aura of the larger alicorn’s magic gently pried the dark wing from around the Principal letting her fall to the floor. Principal Celestia scrambled as quickly as she dared to get away from any potential reach of her assailant. “She’s our guest, not a pet.”
Princess Luna pouted aggressively. Princess Celestia ignored her aggressively. Vice-principal Luna hiccuped in laughter aggressively. “Hooo-kay!” breathed Twilight, “Who wants some hay-fries?”
-~’~,~@
It took the transformed humans a few tries, but they got the hang of eating with hooves after a few bites. Just like walking, it seemed the magic of the portal gifted them with some sort of muscle- and subconscious-memory on doing day-to-day survival tasks so long as they didn’t think about doing them.
Princess Celestia was tittering while Principal Celestia’s laughter was a bit more boisterous. Well, the Princess did have a couple millenia on her counterpart, that was bound to produce a more mellow personality.
“...and there was Glory and Twilight, completely naked, holding broomsticks and wearing duckbill masks!” The Sun Princess’ laugh upgraded briefly to a guffaw, “The broomsticks and masks we understood, but we had NO idea why they were naked, and they refused to explain why!”
Princess Luna was also tearing up from laughter, not even attempting to be as composed as her older sister, “Yon uptight GLORY?!” the lunar princess gasped, slipping into Olde Equish a bit, “Verily, the very mare that defined ‘stick-up-thy-plot’?!”
“Wait, ‘Twilight?’” interjected the youngest princess in the room, “You mean your world’s version of me?”
The pegasus Luna swallowed the bite of food in her mouth and spoke for her sister, “Oh, no. She was a year younger than Celestia.” she turned to her other-world twin and nodded, “And yes, the very one. Our Glory was doing her best to act ‘proper’ to impress Sister,” she indicated the unicorn with a nod of her head, “She had somehow got it into her head that Tia and I were in the Upper Class simply because our parents had a townhome on the Canterhorn.”
The smaller Celestia hiccuped once and drank some water, “Yes, what she didn’t realize was that the property was Auntie Bonnie’s. She just let them live there to tweak Gramma’s nose. She never did like Momma marrying Pappa Crackle.” “...and I’d wager,” interjected Celestia, “That your Twilight was the analogue to Twilight Sparkle’s many-times-great grandmother who studied with us under Starswirl the Bearded.”
Princess Luna bellowed a laugh that didn’t quite reach into the Royal Canterlot Voice register, “Canst thou imagine our Twilight and Glory caught out in a similar compromising predicament?”
As the Celestias joined the pony princess in laughter, Twilight leaned closer to the vice-principal, “I noticed you’re not mentioned much in this story…”
Luna simply grinned slyly, “Who do you suppose told them the clothing was detrimental to the game?”
-~’~,~@
Dinner came and went, dessert was nommed, and the five mares retired to a room that Twilight and Spike had dubbed “the receiving room” (well, Spike called it “the crash pad,” but Twilight persisted in ‘correcting’ him whenever he did so, and the drake persisted in his ‘incorrect’ name just to mess with the somewhat neurotic princess) for a bit of a nightcap.
The two visitors finished a particularly long pull on some of Applejack’s finest. “Wow!” remarked Celestia, “And you say Applejack made this?” The educator was having a brief spell of reality dissonance trying to reconcile the teenaged girl she knew with the clearly alcoholic beverage she had just polished off the third mug of.
Princess Celestia was somehow able to make quaffing a foamy mug of liquor look refined and dainty. “Oh, yes. The family has been in the business for generations, but our good Applejack has truly refined the recipe to something quite exceptional.”
The smaller Luna was blushing slightly, more easily affected by the alcohol than anyone else in the room owing to her purely pegasus nature, which had much less mass to it all around, not to mention being the smallest pony there. “Well!” she exclaimed just a touch too loudly, “I will refrain from tellin’ our Applejack of thish particular use of her talents until she’s old enough to drink it.” She upended her mug and tittered, “...but not one second longer!” So proclaimed, she flopped her barrell and head down on the table, mane sprawling to cover her head, her muzzle only just poking out of the cascade of cerulean blue hair. Momentarily, a not-quite-princess-like snore arose to alert the others that she would likely not be participating in the rest of the evening.
-~’~,~@
The evening had wound rather later than either version of Celestia was accustomed to, and Princess Luna had royal duties to attend, so with gently repeated admonishments to keep in touch the Diarchs left the Friendship Castle for Canterlot.
While somewhat disappointed that her mentor was no longer present, Twilight took comfort in the presence of her human-world counterpart.
Said counterpart was gazing distractedly at the sleeping form of her sister, now curled up on one of the couches in the receiving room. “Twilight, I think I’m going to need to ask to stay the night. I’m not sure how I’ll get Luna home in her current state...come to think, I shouldn’t be driving with alcohol in my system.”
The Princess of Friendship marshalled the skills she had gleaned from her association with the Apple family (both versions) and not a few books on the subject of being a good host, “Oh, that’s not a problem at all! While I didn’t think to set aside any rooms specifically for this, I think we’ve got a spare suite next to mine that you can use. You’ll just have to ignore Spike when he’s taking his shower in the morning, he likes to, ah…” she paused, searching for the right word, “‘Preen’ a bit.”
Celestia was no stranger to males and the attendant hormones, one tends to be exposed to the like when one is an educator, after all. She grinned, “From what you were telling me earlier, he’s entering his teenage years...so let me guess, either fantasizing about being a sports hero or a superhero?”
Twilight giggled, “Usually a knight, actually, but lately he’s had a bit of a superhero kick.”
“Oooh, a knight!” Celestia joined in the giggling as Twilight summoned a blanket to cover her sister for the night, “He’s got a damsel in mind, then?”
To her credit, the princess did blush, just a little, but giggled even more and leaned in conspiratorially, “I promised not to say exactly who, but I will say that Spike spent a LOT of time in her counterpart’s lap when we were on your side of the portal.”
The principal paused to mentally run the events of Twilight’s last two extended visits, following the purple pony out of the room, then giggled even more furiously, “Ah, yes! Might have known...she does have a habit of wrapping males around her little finger. I guess that ability isn’t restricted to human males.”
Their laughter, kept quiet as to not disturb Luna, trailed off as they moved on to other topics, Twilight using her magic to lower the light levels enough that, should Luna wake up during the night, she wouldn’t be stumbling about blindly and left the room.
Luna, for her part, muttered something about marshmellows and made galloping motions with her limbs. Had the other two seen it before leaving, they would have cooed about how adorable it was and the elder sister would have had yet more ammunition in the eternal War of the Siblings that had been a part of life since the first siblings had graced either ponies or humans.
It wasn’t until a full 15 minutes later that one of the tables moved ever so slightly, seemingly of it’s own accord. Having nudged away from the wall just enough a pony emerged, eyes masked and head partially covered by what looked like welder’s safety goggles with the lenses replaced with crystals, headphones only slightly smaller than what Vinyl Scratch wore when she was performing a gig, a boom mic that would normally be positioned in front of her mouth but was presently pushed up to point at the ceiling, looking for all the world like an antenna to mirror the actual antenna jutting up from the other ear, and straps that held the entire thing in place. Black fabric covered most of her body, save her head and tail, the tactical catsuit’s cloth boots muffling the sound of her hooves striking crystal floor.
Making nary a sound, the mare crept from shadow to shadow until she was out of the room and in the hallway. She didn’t pause, the layout of the castle having long been memorized from the day it sprouted from the ground and memory refreshed again when she reviewed the floor plans for this mission.
It wasn’t until she had made it well into town that she pushed the night-vision crystal goggles up and pulled the mic down, “Agent Drops to Peacock’s Nest, challenge code ‘What’s the sitch.’”
“Peacock’s Nest, response is ‘A sitch in time always boils.’”
Bon Bon rolled her eyes at the response, glad they didn’t have eyes on her for this operation. Who comes up with these call signs? “Ready to report; good news, we’re not dealing with changelings, over.”
The voice on the other end was clearly skeptical, “Are you sure Agent? Princess Sparkle’s report was pretty clearly indicating that she has a duplicate of the Princess’ in her castle.”
Agent Sweetie Drops, a.k.a. Bon Bon, snorted. “Yeah, I don’t think you have to worry about these two taking over the government. Both are much smaller than the Princesses and neither are alicorns.”
There was a pause, “Wait, so they’re not duplicates of the princesses?” she heard some shuffling of paper, “I’m looking at the report now, it says, and I’m quoting, ‘I’m eager for you to meet your doppelgangers,’ close quote.”
Bon Bon sighed, “Yeah, and while technically accurate, let’s just say Princess Twilight Sparkle spends more time around dictionaries than government indexes of hostile forces. She was using the non-changeling version of the word ‘doppelganger,’ the one that isn’t a synonym for ‘shapeshifter.’”
A sigh drifted over the airwaves, “Alright, well, thanks for the assist, even if it did prove to be a wild goose chase. I’m sure your after-action report will be...interesting.”
“As interesting as a dinner party where nothing interesting happened, sure.” she started doffing her stealth gear, “I’ll have Agent Ditzy deliver the report and leave the gear in the same drop site you left it for me in, that good?”
“Yes, that’s fine,” came the reply, “I’ll let you get back to your retirement.”
By now, the helmet was the only part of the gear she was still wearing, “Thanks! I didn’t think I’d like it at first, but I gotta admit...the quiet life is nice.”
A rueful chuckle was the reply, “Never would have thought I’d hear you say that...just make sure your marefriend gets the message on that. Wouldn’t do to have her breaking a bunch of laws once she hears the legends of humans can be lived just by stepping through a portal as near as her old school friend’s new home.”
Bon Bon returned the chuckle, “You never get tired of trying to set me up from a distance, do you Chips? She’s just a friend, really!”
“Sure, sure,” came the clearly disbelieving reply, “Peacock’s Nest out.”
“Agent Sweetie Drops out for the final time...again.” she flipped up the microphone boom, powered down the headset, and allowed herself a brief moment of nostalgia before stashing the gear and going home to her best friend Lyra.
The contents of the folder were, indeed, rather sparse. So sparse, in fact, that she barely skimmed the information presented in it. Let’s see, thought the teenaged magician named Trixie, Sparkle, T...why does that sound familiar? Possibly related to the portal jumping princess…? Nah! What’s this? Test scores from Crystal Prep..good grief! Our honor roll students don’t score this high! Trixie heard an approaching city bus, but mentally dismissed it as there was a stop across the street from the school, it would be only natural that it would periodically drop people off there. ...special note of commendation from Dean Cadenza of Crystal Prep...nominated to the Know Bell Prize committee for her work in quantum physics!? Why is this girl not in a UNIVERSITY somewhere?! Trixie realized the thought came a moment too soon. Ah, 25 credits from Canterlot University...what in the world could Canterlot High hope to offer this student?
“Uhm, hello?” interrupted a disturbingly familiar voice, “I’m sorry, I just was supposed to meet a student representative here at this time, and I don’t think I’m late, but the city busses can sometimes be late. I’ve written letters about it, but nobody has replied, and I haven’t seen any trend showing a change…”
Trixie looked up from the folder at the purple girl who apparently came not through the portal to another world, but the city bus that was now pulling away. A few marked differences told the magician that this was definitely not the trans-universal princess. The first was a Crystal Prep uniform sans any of the identifying badges, pins, tie tacs, etc. that were the usual identifiers of a student of that august body. Second was the glasses. Never once, even in one of the fashionista Rarity’s makeover binges, had the Twilight Sparkle from Equestria ever worn glasses. Finally, and even more than the hair in a bun or lack of talking dog, the closed off posture of the girl marked her as a complete and total introvert, something that the admittedly nerdy princess was not.
And yet, in spite of the clear and obvious evidence that this was not Trixie’s proclaimed rival, the Green Eye’d Monster of jealousy gripped the silver haired girl’s thoughts. What came out of her mouth was less a greeting and more of a declaration of war.
“...Sparkle…”
To Trixie’s credit, she did feel a bit bad when the girl genius flinched.
~<*@*>~
Fifteen minutes into the tour and Trixie was getting just as upset with the frequent interruptions from the other students. She no longer bore any animosity toward her universe’s version of Twilight, as the girl was almost, but not quite, a complete doormat to the well-intentioned but misdirected greetings and well-wishing from the other Canterlot Wondercolts. The perpetually “chill” but never-quite-all-there Tree Hugger was the unfortunate recipient of a dish of Trixie’s “I’ve had just about enough of this!” cake; “I WANT YOU TO PERSONALLY MEET WITH EVERY OTHER STUDENT IN THIS SCHOOL,” shouted Trixie, “AND INFORM THEM THAT THIS IS NOT PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE!”
While somewhat unfortunate for Tree Hugger, it was fortunate for the rest of the student body that it was the neu-hippy that invoked Trixie’s ire. The only student even less flappable than Hugger was Pinkie Pie’s sister Maud, and though legendary for her ability to remain completely stoic at all times was unproblematic, her caustic wit and non sequitur rejoinders would only have inflamed the situation. Tree Hugger simply smiled, “Oooh, so that’s why her aura is different. Totally gnarly,” she turned to address the somewhat embarrassed purple girl, “Like, welcome to our school. You’ll have a groovy time here, I promise.”
Twilight managed a smile and a subdued, “Thanks…”
~<*@*>~
The day finally got more interesting for Twilight Sparkle when science class started. While Trixie had clearly decided the class was boring before it even started, the transfer student was practically bouncing in her seat.
The whole class was startled when the door slammed open, though as soon as the students saw who entered they relaxed again. Save their new student, they were all accustomed to Doctor Whooves’ almost spastic behavior.
The Doctor wasted no time, grabbing a piece of chalk and scrawling large letters on the chalkboard as he spoke, “RIGHT! So, new topic today, chapter 14 in your books (not that we use the books anyway, they’re rubbish) is on physics!” When he whipped around to face the class, his absurdly striped suit and tie almost (...almost) distracting from the man’s personality, as well as the word “PHYSICS” on the board. “So...Physics. Eh? Physics. Phyyyyyyyysics. Physics! Physics. Physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics.”
While most of the class was almost board of the man’s antics, Twilight was starting to wonder if she’d be smarter than her teacher...again. He inhaled deeply through his nose, not quite sniffing, “I hope one of you is getting all this down. Um, okay, let's see what you know. Two identical strips of nylon are charged with static electricity and hung from a string so they can swing freely. What would happen if they were brought near each other?”
Surprised at the highly specific example, Twilight looked around to see if anyone was answering. Seeing nobody was volunteering, she slowly put her hand up.
The brown haired man blinked in surprise, “Yes, uh, what's your name?”
“Twilight Sparkle…”
The Doctor smiled at her, “Twilight! Off you go.”
“They'd repel each other because they have the same charge.”
The teacher’s smile grew, “Correctamundo! A word I have never used before and hopefully never will again. Question two, I coil up a thin piece of micro wire and place it in a glass of water. Then I turn on the electricity and measure to see if the water's temperature is affected. My question is this: how do I measure the electrical power going into the coil?”
Twilight’s eyes started to sparkle as she grinned widely, she loved electronics! Without any hesitation this time, she shot her hand up again.
Raising an eyebrow, her teacher scanned the rest of the room, “Someone else.” There was absolutely no response from the rest of the class. “Nope...? Okay, Twilight, go for it.”
She dropped her hand and sat up eagerly, “Measure the current and PDs in an ampmeter and a voltmeter.” The rest of the class was now staring openly at Twilight.
“Two to Twilight! Right then, Twilight, tell me this; true or false: the greater the dampening of the system, the quicker it loses energy to its surroundings.”
“False!”
The Doctor leaned forward, bracing his hands on the workbench, “What is a non-coding DNA?”
Twilight also leaned in slightly, “DNA that doesn't code for a protein.”
“Sixty-five-thousand-nine-hundred-and-eighty-three times five?”
Trixie was fairly gobsmacked, so much so that she didn’t care that her jaw was hanging open as she watched the intellectual tennis match. She’d never seen any student be able to keep up with the eccentric Doctor Time Turner, there was even a betting pool on whether he was just making stuff up to sound impressive or was actually a genius so far beyond the rest of them that they couldn’t even have a frame of reference.
Seemingly oblivious to the scrutiny of the rest of the class, the man continued, “How do you travel faster than light?”
“By opening a quantum tunnel with an FTL factor of 36.7 recurring.” snapped Twilight with a huge smile.
The Doctor’s mouth now also dropped open a bit, but only just before he smiled hugely, showing an alarming, yet somehow non-threatening, number of teeth. “Oh, I think I’m going to like you Twilight Sparkle!”
@-_-|-_-@
The cafeteria food was as cafeteria food always is, that is to say only able to be called ”food” under very strict definitions, overly salted, and with questionable nutritional value.
It was hamburgers, though, so Twilight Sparkle couldn't have cared less about any of that. Sure, she knew that, intellectually, it was “bad food,” but she knew a good, greasy comfort burger always hit the spot, especially when trying to process world-wide altering revelations.
“Mrrmph…” she swallowed the bite in her mouth, “So, let me see if I understand; the reason everyone knows who I am is because an alternate universe doppelganger of me who is actually a magical princess passed through a portal in front of the school and had a magical fight with a girl who is now considered one of the saviors of the school but at the time was a demon? Also, ‘magic’? Really?!”
“Universe,” returned Twilight, “'Dimensions’ are height, width, depth, spin, etc. The alternate of me you described isn't a multidimensional being, out at least no more so than you or I, so she's most likely from another universe, consistent with Friendly Brightlight’s Many Worlds hypothesis.”
An unexpected voice piped in, “Geeze, she's an even bigger egghead than the Princess!” A sky blue hand dropped one tray, then another on the left side of Twilight.
“Be nice, Rainbow,” a meek pink-haired girl quietly chastised as she set her tray down next to the first speaker. “She's brand new to this school and doesn't know anyone yet.”
“Besides Trixie,” commented a third voice, “And I understand from the ‘grape vine,’ as it were, that the pairing was…arranged by our good principal.” A new lunch tray was placed next to Twilight's on the opposite side from Rainbow's trays. The girl the tray belonged to daintily seated herself, “I'm Rarity Belle, darling. And I apologize in advance for Pinkie.”
“Huh?” Twilight was overwhelmed at this point, having several people suddenly be very friendly to her. Her confusion ratcheted up further when she looked back to her lunch to find a cupcake with a sizzling candle on it. As she processed this, before she could say anything, the candle exploded with a tiny 'pop,’ confetti blasting upward. “GAH!” she exclaimed as she instinctively fell backwards. Strong but gentle arms caught her before she fell off the bench and gingerly righted her. “We really are sorry for Pinkie. She means well, just ride out the welcome and then just smile and nod.” Looking back, Twilight saw an orange skinned girl with red and yellow hair taking her tray back from another orange skinned girl, this one blond haired.
Turning back around to face the table, her vision was filled with pink. Leaning back, she was able to take in the smiling face of a pink skinned, pink haired girl with a nearly excessive amount of curly pink hair. “HI TWILIGHT!” bubbled the pink apparition, “I know you're probably already friends with Trixie, but I always say that you can't have too many friends. And since we practically already know you since we already know your alternate-world counterpart, you can count on all of us as friends, too!”
Trixie, cheek propped on her fist, elbow on the table and looking thoroughly bored with the whole scene, simply shoved Pinkie to the side, “Twilight Sparkle, meet the Rainbooms. Rain-goons,” she picked up her fork and waved it dramatically, “Meet Twilight Sparkle.”
Seven days later… Bon Bon, or Agent Sweetie-Drops, or Bon-Stoppable (depending on who you asked) hissed in frustration. The barking chatter of the other agents on the scene was being overlapped somewhat by the police band that was being piped in so the D.o.D. operatives could keep an ear on what the local L.E.O.s were up to. Even with her training and experience to help her, tracking several different conversations, all somewhat mangled by the codecs used by their walkies already, then to have them all overlap, was quite difficult.
It didn’t help that Lyra wouldn’t stop bouncing on the balls of her feet, fists under her own chin, and “kid in a candy warehouse with a crowbar and all the time in the world” look on her face. “I...know...a secret agent! And she’s my best friend!”
One voice over the radio was loud and clear, however. It was the Agent-in-Charge, “SOMEONE GET THAT DAMN FLATFOOT OUT OF THERE!”
Detective Muncher could be seen in her scope, and even though Bon Bon couldn’t hear what he was saying over the 200-foot distance between her vantage point and the Canterlot Colt statue, she could guess he was once again putting his foot in “it.” After all, one does not aim a revolver at a being that’s sprouted wings and a horn in front of your eyes and order it to get on the ground. Said being’s penchant for disobeying gravity for at least two minutes running now (and showing no sign of allowing said universal force to return its proper influence) demonstrating that they were so obviously superior to the detective in every way that mattered clearly not penetrating the man’s brain.
“What are they saying?”
Sighing, Bon Bon thumbed on the safety on her rifle and hit the mute button on her headset’s mic with her right hand, her left hand and her head never moving to allow her to continue observing the altercation. “Lyra,” she explained as quickly as she could, “It’s a rifle with a scope mounted on it, not a microphone boom. I can’t hear what they’re saying.”
While not able to watch her friend, Bon Bon was able to hear the gravel-crunching of Lyra’s shoes bouncing on the school’s roof’s surface stop. “Oh, right. But you have that ear-piece thingy, right?”
Putting her hand back on the grip of her rifle but keeping her finger off the trigger, Bon Bon kept up her breathing exercises as she replied, “I do, but it currently has no fewer than three conversations between the cops and their dispatch, one between Muncher’s partner Honored Backup and Captain Barns of the CPD trying to get the Captain to give Muncher the order to stand down directly over the radio, and communication and orders from my organization. I don’t, however, have ears in the courtyard.”
Lyra blinked as she parsed that sentence, then jumped in surprise along with everyone else when Detective Muncher was hit nearly point blank by what appeared to be magical purple lightning.
“Lyra!” snapped the teenaged agent, “You’re only here because I needed a spotter and I’ve got only a five-foot diameter view on this thing right now, tell me what’s going on!”
The green-skinned girl shook herself from her shock at what she had just witnessed, “...right, uh…” she took a moment to scan the courtyard, “The detective is being pulled back by a couple of cops, er, that is ‘uniforms…’”
“Don’t worry about trying to use the lingo,” interrupted Bon Bon gently to ease the tense situation at least a little, “I need you to explain quickly, which you can’t do if you’re trying to sound cool. Just say what you see.”
She heard her friend take a deep, steadying breath, “Right, gotcha. So it looks like the detective is still moving, they’ve got him back by the cars, the cop cars I mean. An ambulance just pulled up and...is that Trixie!?” Bon Bon resisted the urge to move the scope from her target, “Oh, it’s both Trixies! The pony ambassador one is...setting off fireworks? What are they doing?”
It took all her self control for Bon Bon not to pull her head back from the scope, “I don’t know, you tell...oh, wait, one of them moved...I think our Trixie is the one with the fireworks...yeah, I just saw the other one for a moment. I don’t think Trixie-the-student knows how to use actual magic like that.”
“Oh, that makes sense!” proclaimed Lyra, starting to regain her calm, “I’m not sure what they’re trying to do, though. They’re just sorta circling around and...Ah! Our Trixie just jumped through the statue?! That must be the portal!” Bon Bon had to smile as she could hear the excitement coming back into her friend’s voice. Lyra had been searching for the portal for months, ever since Princess Twilight had first come through.
Unheard by Lyra, the comms chatter was still going strong. “Sir, snipers are in place,” came a voice. Bon Bon found herself wishing Chips was still on monitor duty right now, “Our ground forces are still four minutes out. Our science guys are telling us that this energy being tossed around is doing bad things.”
Another voice over the line, one of the other teenaged agents, this one’s cover a Crystal Prep student if she remembered right, “‘Bad things’ isn’t terribly descriptive and gives us absolutely zero actionable information,” snipped out the somewhat nasally female voice, “If you want to keep your job, long or short term, you need to do better than that.”
A masculine voice this time, one of the older agents, “Agent Sweet Talker, you need to reign it in! HQ, define ‘bad things’ for us muscle-heads in the field!”
“Sir,” came the somewhat long-suffering reply, “One of the satellites we had monitoring the situation just stopped broadcasting. We retasked an NSA surveillance satellite to get a look...sir, our geosynchronous orbital monitoring satellite is covered in vines that have crushed its solar panels...IN SPACE!” the voice of the analyst on the radio started slipping from its professional cool as the revelation of just what they were dealing with caught up with the words.
“Shit!” hissed Bon Bon, grateful for having muted the mic on her headset.
Startled at being interrupted, Lyra’s streaming monologue of the actions in the courtyard ground to a halt, “What, did I do it wrong?”
“No, no,” Bon Bon reassured her friend while mentally reviewing what she’d only been paying partial attention to while the analyst was delivering her panicked infodump, “Something someone else said. Who did you say was getting closer?”
“Not sure, they’re on the other side of the statue from us, I think they’re pretty tall…”
The older agent snapped over the comms, “Agent Shield, you are the agent in charge, I need you to make a command decision. Take out that threat right now!”
Swallowing hard to clear the lump that suddenly blossomed in her throat, Bon Bon tapped the mute control on her headset, “Sniper One, ready. Confirm order Agent Alpha Shield.” she muted the headset’s mic again and began her focusing exercises. The world around her took on a surreal quality as she let her senses tunnel to just the task at hand, her training helping her to disassociate the action she might have to perform from the consequences. She could almost picture the scene in her mind’s eye; Lyra’s narration of the scene coming to a sudden stop told her that her friend had seen her disengage the rifle’s safety. The world seemed to be moving in slow motion, the feathery beams of light that made up the wings of her target were actually quite beautiful in their scintillating motions as they kept up the pretense of flapping. A mental curse floated through her consciousness as Ambassador Trixie briefly backstopped the target, but a similar mental sigh of relief just as quickly dispelled the concern as the universe-traveller was clearly just moving about to distract the target, unintentionally giving the snipers a perfect shot. She heard the call-sign of the second sniper in position with a similar confirmation request.
All that dissipated, the “normal” world returning with a rush when a voice roared through the headset, “I AM NOT GIVING THE ORDER TO KILL MY OWN SISTER!”
The pretense of professionalism they had all been using to keep the reality of what they were doing burst like a bubble blown from a child’s toy into a pit of spikes. Bon Bon dropped her forehead to rest on the stock of the rifle, “Damnit, Shining Armor…” she muttered.
“Bonny…” said Lyra, trepidation in her voice, “What’s going on?”
Bon Bon almost absently re-engaged the safety on her rifle, “Just one of those moments that proves that being a spy isn’t all fun, games, and explosions.” she said grimly, “The target is Agent Shield’s sister.”
“Oh.” replied Lyra. “...wait, your orders are to kill Twilight Sparkle?!”
Looking past the rifle scope to observe the action on the ground more directly, if more distantly, “She’s already taking out satellites in orbit, Lyra. Part of our job is to make sure that headlines like that never happen.”
“But that’s sweet little SciTwi!” exclaimed the harpist, intentionally invoking the friendly nickname the student body had given the girl to distinguish her from the pony princess version, “You’re just gonna shoot her when you didn’t shoot the Dazzlings?”
Bon Bon glared at her friend, “Don’t you remember that the Dazzlings were why I was called up to the rooftop in the first place? My job was to take out the Dazzlings if they tried anything like this.” she waved her arm to take in the whole courtyard scene.
Chastened, Lyra turned her gaze down, then looked back at the courtyard. “Hey,” she exclaimed, “Isn’t that Principal Celestia? What’s she doing there?”
Eyes nearly bugging out of their sockets, Bon Bon re-oriented the rifle scope and put her eye back to it. Sure enough, wearing one of her damned enigmatic smiles that drove the student-agents crazy when it was turned on them, Celestia was calmly approaching the magically enhanced Twilight. Bon Bon growled, “Great, just PERFECT! Next thing you know PrincessCelestia will show up and it’ll be a fracking tea party over scones with a side of the Apocalypse!”
The Great and Powerful Trixie grumbled sleepily at her new hands. Between them was a bowl full of some form of over-cooked flakes coated in something that wasn’t quite sugar, but sure wasn’t honey, then slathered in a nearly equal amount of milk...a milk that didn’t quite look right, no matter how much she squinted at it. Once she had decided that the human excuse for breakfast cereal was only barely acceptable (and, were she entirely honest, probably a LOT better than she normally ate out of her wagon while touring), she moved her attention to her magically granted new digits. It took some getting used to, seeing them wiggle about on mere thought from her. I’ll have to practice my writing with them, she mentally grumped, If yesterday is any indication, I’ll be needing to sign many, many forms while I’m here.
Her attention was drawn away from her fingers by her trans-universal doppelganger entering the kitchen. This (much YOUNGER darnit!) version of herself yawned briefly. This at first seemed to be her only concession to waking at the early hour of (she squinted at the clock, a cleverly made affair designed to look like a cat with a wagging tail as a pendulum) six in the morning. “The shower is free, if you need it.” grumped the teenager, “Try not to use all of Trixie’s shampoo!” The slightly huffy way the girl gathered her breakfast supplies and not-quite stomping about the kitchen told the transformed pony that the girl wasn’t any more of a morning person than herself.
She took a moment to shovel the last of the overly-sweet cereal into her mouth and stood and stretched. Muttering her thanks to her look-alike, she made her way to the bedroom she was sharing with the other houseguest.
Twilight Sparkle was, apparently, a fitful sleeper. When they had started their evening in their new (if temporary) home, the brainy girl had tucked herself neatly under her covers on the camping mat on the floor of the bedroom belonging to the student Trixie. By the time morning came, she had kicked all her covers off and wound up with one leg draped over Trixie’s hips. This had actually been what woke Trixie up shortly before her younger counterpart’s alarm clock had gone off; Twilight’s awkward position had pinned Trixie’s legs and cut off the circulation in the one nearest to Twilight, causing Trixie’s leg to get the pins-and-needles “falling asleep” sensation that left it numb. Once Trixie had extricated herself, Twilight had tossed and turned, finally settling into a sleeping position that didn’t quite turn into a fetal curl, what with her flank propped up in a singularly uncomfortable looking position.
Trixie smirked, allowing the slight flush to creep into her cheeks. Hanging out with a gryphon hen who shared her appreciation for the “fairer sex” had also expanded her general attraction index, to the point where she found she could appreciate this somewhat simeon form on her frenemy’s double, especially with a secondary sex characteristic being presented as it was. Of course, thought the illusionist, It does help that the mirror rewired our brains a little to make it easier for us to be attracted to these forms.
“Yo, Sparkle,” announced Trixie to the sleeping girl, “Time to get up.”
With a snort, the high school girl jerked awake, tumbling over on her side and flailing her arms. “Mrmfmmflfrm…” she muttered.
Leaving the purple girl to her struggles, Trixie started to disrobe. The clothes she had been lent by her younger self seemed a bit over the top for going to sleep. Then again, they were pretty much naked apes, so the lack of fur on all surfaces probably made it somewhat difficult to deal with the inevitable temperature shifts that would happen in the night. She had finally gotten the pants off when Twilight caught her attention. “Have you seen my glasses?” Trixie looked over to see her roommate squinting at everything, groping around on the floor near her pillow.
A quick scan of the room revealed them to be about three feet from where the purple girl was feeling around. Without thinking, Trixie waved her hand, startling herself when her unconscious action produced the usual magical halo that she would normally expect around her horn to spring into existence around her fingers, a matching illumination lifting the glasses off the floor. Grinning smugly, Trixie guided the glasses over to Twilight’s searching hands.
Twilight gripped the glasses gently, opening the arms and sliding them onto her face, “Thank you so much, I feel blind when I’mWHOAH-MY-GOSH YOU’RE NAKED!”
Trixie blinked in confusion and glanced down at herself, “Well, yes. What’s your point?”
-~<@>~-
The Somewhat Uncomfortable and Confused Trixie watched her younger self practically doubled-over in laughter, Twilight sparkle blushing so hard her skin had gone from purple to fuchia. “What is you human’s obsession with wearing clothes, anyway? It’s like you’re trying to hide your bodies!”
This just made the laughing louder, now accompanied by a singularly undignified rolling about on the ground.
Twilight cleared her throat, “It’s...uhm...a social adaptation, brought about by a mix of grouping instinct, climate shift, and survival adaptation. It’s theorized that initially our species…” she was silenced by a blue finger to her lips.
“It was a rhetorical question, Sparkle.” Trixie lowered her hand, “An actual question would be, why are we just standing in front of...uh, Trixie’s house?” she nodded her head at her still-laughing counterpart.
“Oh! That’s easy!” smiled Twilight, “We’re waiting on the bus.”
“The...bus? What does an artificially constructed mana channel have to do with us standing outside of a house at 6:30 in the morning?”
It was Twilight’s turn to blink in confusion, “Uh, what? What’s a mana channel?”
The unicorn sighed as she dredged up knowledge from memory that she hadn’t had to use since leaving Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, “It’s a pathway that’s been artificially formed, usually by a unicorn, to transport mana from one locus to another. They’re traditionally made using crystal, but I heard recently that some archives recovered from the Crystal Library had a less time consuming means of production that produced carbonized microstructures that resemble piping. It’s supposed to make the manufacture of a mana channel easier and on a much smaller scale.”
Twilight thought that over for a moment, “So this ‘mana,’ it’s a form of energy?”
Trixie nodded, “It’s one of the five fundamental forces to the universe.”
Twilight’s eyes bulged slightly, “Your universe has FIVE fundamental forces? This one has four!” some dots connected in her brain, “Wait, did you say you’re people have developed a cheap and easy way to mass produce carbon nanotubes?!”
“Oh my god, you two are such nerds!” complained Trixie’s younger self. Glaring slightly at Twilight, she said, “Why couldn’t you have just said that a bus is a vehicle, like a large car?”
“Ah!” Trixie exclaimed in comprehension, “And a ‘car’ is one of those self-propelled carriages.” she pointed to a passing SUV. Twilight nodded in reply, and Trixie continued, “So how did a ‘large car’ get the same name as a system to transfer information between systems?”
Twilight paused again, “Transfer of information...so, wait, a mana bus would be like...I GET IT, BUS!!!” this time Twilight collapsed to the ground in loud laughter, and once again Trixie stood confused, this time joined by her younger counterpart.
After a moment, the younger Trixie just grumbled, “...nerd…”
