Snails has a secret, one only he knows. Fear and Shame drive him to secrecy. But, what if he finds that he's not as alone as he once thought?
Snails is a colt. He's shy, slow, clumsy, and most ponies don't bother trying to get to know him. Which is fine, because Snails doesn't need their company anyways. He's got his friends and they've got him. He also has a secret, one that brings him shame and fear. He's very afraid that somepony will find out, and that'll be the end of him.
But, one day, he learns that he might not be alone. And maybe, his secret doesn't have to be that much of a secret. Snails struggles to cope with the harsh reality of his situation, but will his will alone be enough? Or is his secret going to cause more problems than he can deal with?
That's how I would describe myself, But I'd never say it. Because it's one of my closely guarded secrets, not because I'm bad with words. Well, maybe it has a little to do with that.
Though, I'm not bad with words, not really, I'm bad with speaking. Numbers catch me and I'm slow, But the one thing I can do is read. And write, But my hoofwriting is so terrible only I can read it. It doesn't matter though, no one would think to read it even if they could. Miss Cheerilee has tried helping me, she still kinda is, but she's given up a little. Not that it matters, they're just words. But words can carry so much meaning.
Not a normal colt.
It's an incomplete sentence, a fragment. In a book we were reading in class, "Bleat House", fragments were used to address the incomplete nature of the cases at Cantery Court. Charlie 'Horse' Dickens uses this on purpose, and I do too. It could represent the incompleteness I feel, the reason I'm not a normal colt.
Not a normal colt.
This is essentially my self summary. If I had an opportunity to tell the world about the real me, this is it. This is usually difficult to do for some ponies, but I've thought about it a lot. I'm just a pony so devoid of noteworthiness that my attempt to summarize myself as a pony is reduced to the sole fact I'm not the norm. But there's nothing more to say, I'm just not that important.
Not a normal colt.
But what would anyone care about the abnormalcy of a nopony? Why would I ever tell anyone I'm not normal? Much less the thing that makes me abnormal. And the thing is, I wouldn't. That's why no one knows, because I don't matter. My parents don't know, my friends don't, I'm not even entirely sure what it means to be honest. I just know that it's different, and it scares me a little. I'm afraid of being found out, of judgement, of rejection. That's another reason I don't tell anyone, fear.
Not a normal colt.
How many ponies aren't normal? I could be any one of them. But, my different is a different sort of different than just any kind of different. Or, at least, the different I'm worried about is.
Not a normal colt.
Though, looking at the word normal, what even is it? Everyone's unique, somehow. I guess normal is more like an average, an average of certain traits. I'm not exactly sure what that average is... I just know that in one aspect I am most definitely not that.
I'm clumsy, slow, and my cutie mark is misleading. Because of this everyone assumes I'm stupid, but it's not really that. Sure, I don't think some things through completely and I'm not that great at certain things, but I don't consider myself stupid. I know things, it just takes a while to get the answers I need, takes me a while to realize a mistake or a solution. I realized my mistake in bringing an ursa minor into Ponyville, just a little too late.
Not a normal colt.
The real problem is that when I look at myself, I feel like I don’t match what I’m seeing. Like I look inside and see two images, and neither match. I look to one side and it doesn’t match my look, but it feels more right. Then I look at the other and it does match how I look, but it doesn’t feel right at all. I feel like the mirrors shattered, and these two reflections show up in different pieces of glass.
I equate it to having the choice of wearing two different types of colors, one purple, and one orange. The orange matches my skin, but it feels wrong, it feels like a lie. The purple is comfortable, but it doesn’t match me either. I’ll put on the orange, but only for everypony else. But, I like the purple silently. It makes me sad a lot, to think that I’ll never be able to wear the color I like. If I were to look at the colors, purple and orange, In the two reflections, I know what I’d see. I look into the orange reflection and look at my own hoof. The colors match, but it’s almost as if it were shaped wrong, because the hooves don’t fit. I’d look into the other reflection and the colors won’t match, but the hooves fit.
I don’t match. It’s just a fact, I don’t match an I don’t know if I ever will.
My name is Snails and I don’t match. My self summary is composed of a meager four words: Not a normal colt.
I walk into the school house and sulk into my seat, there's only a couple other ponies in here right now. My eyes wander around the room and latch onto a single pony, I don't recognize her. She's got a yellow and pink two-tone mane and tail, and she's got eyes in a similar pink color. I look at those eyes and I read nervousness and anxiety. I wonder why?
“Excuse me, Miss? Are you a new student here?” Cheerilee has noticed the filly too, and she’s looking at her in confusion. Miss Cheerilee always knows the new students.
“No, I’ve been a student for a while, Cheerilee. I’m just a little different.” Always been a student? Maybe I just don’t remember her? No, because Cheerilee didn’t recognize her either. “It’s me, Star Soar.” Star Soar? but isn’t he a… well, a he? I get tunnel vision as I focus in on Star Soar, he looks like a filly. He looks like a filly, and he’s not even wearing a dress or anything. He looks the same as always, but something is different. Something about him that makes him not seem like a colt.
Years of reading books has taught me how to see small things others might not notice, things that might seem insignificant. It’s how I can read lots of ponies, not all, just a lot. It takes me a while to figure out the answer a lot of the time, so I need the headstart in getting facts. The major fact here is that there’s something about Star that seems to scream filly. What’s different?
His eye’s? No, they’re just pink. I know lots of stallions with pink eyes. His mane? No, it’s just dye. It’s not like it’s styled more like a fillies, it’s the same as always. What is it? What could it be? What-
“Look at her cutie mark, what does it mean?” I snap out of my thoughts at the exclamation, I look at the pony who said it. I notice that I spaced out and class had started, only to abruptly stop as everyone tries to figure out who Star Soar is. I look at Star and my eyes lock onto the mark on his flank, ignoring the background noise and reading his mark. I know exactly what it is, and I’m fairly sure as to what it means. But, it just can’t be true, can it?
Modeling? And that’s the symbol for females, so modeling as a filly. But, Star’s a colt. That can’t be possible… I thought I was the only one. Are we the same? Isn’t he scared? Why is he not scared? He’s anxious, nervous, embarrassed, and ashamed. His eye’s say it all, but they show no fear. How can he be so… fearless?
I’d never dare tell anyone, and here he is. Doing exactly that. I’m not really listening to everypony, but I am looking around. Everyone else shows confusion, curiosity, and a few show disgust. But, surprisingly, there is no hate. I look at Cheerilee and she is anxious, confused, nervous, shocked, and uncomfortable. That makes me wilt a little, but I don’t dare speak up. I look at the rest of the Crusaders, Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon. The latter two are inspecting their hooves in boredom, a ruse. Silver Spoon looks like she wants to ask Star Soar a bunch of questions, and Diamond Tiara is put off by how much attention Star is getting. She’s also a little disappointed for some reason, but that disappointment is most definitely directed at Star.
I look at the rest of the Crusaders and it’s obvious they’ve known. Sweetie Belle is actually difficult to read, as in I’ve never been able to clearly read her. Ponies like her are an anomaly, though a rare one. The only other pony I haven’t been able to read is Pinkie Pie, which is understandable. Still, her look seems to portray happiness and maybe a hint of pride? Though, she could just as easily be thinking about anything else.
Applebloom has a little bit of worry, but there is definitely pride. I also see happiness and longing, more than likely longing for a cutie mark of her own. Scootaloo is also happy and proud, she’s also thoughtful about something. She’s looking at me. I blink and she turns back to Star, did I imagine that? It almost seemed like she was sizing me up, like she was trying to figure something out. She’s looking at Star’s cutie mark now with a thoughtfulness I remember seeing Twilight have. It’s that sort of scientific intrigue Twilight can get about something that’s abnormal. I have no Idea what it is specifically she’s thinking about.
I look back to Star and wonder how he can be so... cool with this? I would be freaking out, because it's wrong isn't it? Then, why isn't everyone else acting like that? Have I been wrong this whole time?
"...Now the first and most obvious way to divide this big group is gender. Now, fillies on the right side, colts on the left," I blink out of my thoughts as my brain starts to take hold of the situation. My body starts dragging me to the right side, but eventually I gather my bearings and halt. I turn around and start to walk to the left side before I see it, Star Soar is standing on the right side of the room.
My brain is screaming at me and my heart is tugging me to be beside him, stand up with him. Stand beside the brave colt who dares to be who he wants, the colt I can never be. I'm rooted to the spot as I look at Star in shock, but mostly fear. Gripping and unadulterated fear that claws at my very being. Miss Cheerilee makes her way towards him, every hoofstep sends my heart racing.
"Star, you're on the wrong side. You're a colt." I scramble to the right side as tears threaten to brim. Right as I started to let myself believe things weren't as I thought they were, I'm proven wrong. There's still prejudice and it's still wrong, and... they're helping him. The class they're standing up for him, even Diamond Tiara. Though, one look at her eyes and it's obvious she's not doing it for him, she's doing it just for the sake of doing it. If there was ever a time to be thankful for Diamond Tiara being Diamond Tiara, it was now.
I watch in awe as the teacher backs down and continues giving out instructions. He won, he stood against stereotypes and won... I know what I need to do, I need his help.
~~~~~~~
I fidget slightly as I sneak my way through Sweet Apple Acres. I spent all the rest of yesterday just trying to figure out how I'd ask Star. I finally decided to intercept them at their clubhouse. So, here I am, sneaking my way there as quickly as possible. I can't focus on anything aside from my stealth, but the anxiety keeps clawing at the back of my mind. My heart is racing at the thought of what I'm about to do, fear lingers in the forefront of my mind.
I finally approach the clubhouse after what seems like forever. I take a deep breath and steel my resolve, clambering up to the front door. I close my eyes and move my hoof up and swiftly knock three soft times on the door. I hope silently that they didn't notice, but I can already hear tiny hoofsteps of a filly scuttling towards the door. The door opens and I find Star Soar, he, or should I say she, is in a casual dress. She looks at me in confusion, and my mouth goes dry.
"Uh, hey, Snails." She says, I can hear the other three crusaders dropping everything and turning to the door. I look past Star and see the other Crusaders looking at me with interest. Applebloom seems to be just as confused as Star Soar about my appearance. Sweetie Belle seems to be shaking with excitement, even if her eyes seem to betray surprise at my arrival she still seems to think something big is going to happen. She's still impossible to read, so that's just an assumption.
Scootaloo, however, is inspecting me back. I can see a hint of recognition as she notices my scanning. I even notice a glint of knowing in her eyes, but what she knows has yet to be seen. She drops whatever book she was reading and turns her full attention to the doorway, Applebloom also drops some sort of magazine eagerly. Whatever she was reading, it must not have been very good. Sweetie Belle also drops what I assume to be a book of recipes, I blanch as I recall her previous attempts at cooking. One day she brought in cookies for the class, they were almost entirely burnt dough. There was a little slightly charred dough near the center, but barely anypony got that far.
"Snails? Y'all don't ever come by here," Applebloom says.
"Ooh! Ooh! I sense an event!" Sweetie Belle exclaims, I ignore the odd turn of phrase.
"Uh, yeah. I... I um... Star? I kinda..." oh Celestia, this is hard. "I want to ask for your help, Star." I tell her.
"Oh, okay. What with?" Star Soar asks happily.
"I... I don't know how to put this..." I search for the right words. It takes several minutes, but I finally piece together my thoughts. "Would you consider yourself not normal?" I ask.
"Uh, yeah... I guess, why?" Star answers in confusion.
"Well, I'm the same. Not normal. Different." I try to explain, enunciating my words carefully. Speaking slowly, giving my thoughts time to catch up to my mouth.
"Oh, how so?" Star asks politely.
"Um..." I rack my brains, trying to summon the memory up. "Gender Dysphoric! I'm Gender Dysphoric..." I finally answer.
"Ahh, I thought so. Come on in, and shut the door too." I see Scootaloo beckoning me in and I obey.
"What's that?" Sweetie Belle asks.
"Well, it's a term used to describe a pony who is confused about their gender." Scootaloo answers, tapping the book she was reading. "It's in this book Twilight recommended," she beams. I blink in surprise.
"I didn't know you were a reader," I tell her, she slumps.
"Yeah, nopony ever does..." she scoffs lightly before straightening back up.
"Is Star gender dysphoric?" Sweetie Belle asks.
"Nah, she knows she wants to be a filly. Twilight said she's transgender." Applebloom answers.
"Precisely. Now, Snails. I'm going to ask you something very important," I nod hesitantly for her to continue. "Are you gender dysphoric, or transgender?" I suck in my breath. It's the moment of truth. Am I sure I want to do this?
"I... I want to be transgender if you all can help me..." I say quietly.
"Okay! Here you go! We'll have a proper initiation later!" Sweetie Belle says, nearly strangling me with some sort of fabric. She bounces away and I look at my neck in shock, did what I think just happen really just happen?
"Does this mean...?" I ask, not daring to finish my question.
"That we'll help you? That you're a Crusader?" Scootaloo asks with a smile, "yes to all of the above. Welcome to the club."
"But... why? I've already got my cutie mark." I point out.
"Yeah, well... We've been thinking. And the crusaders are more than Cutie Marks now. We realized we don't want to just stop crusading once we get our marks, this clubs become more than that." Scootaloo explains.
"We looked at this club and realized it was almost never really about some mark, it was about much more. It's about our future, our destiny. It's about searching for who we are, who we are meant to be. It's about support and helping eachother. It's about friendship." Star Soar declares.
"Your a nice colt... er, sorry. You're a nice pony, Snails, we got nothing against you. You did bring in the ursa minor, but we forgive you for that. Plus, it sounds like you're a lot like Star, and that's great. So, what do you say? Wanna be a Crusader?" Applebloom asks. I look at these four fillies in awe. I give them an inch and they returned a mile.
"Yes, yes I do." Tears are brimming in my eyes as I'm surrounded for a group hug. The world is telling me that everything is gonna be alright.
I sit in class at the end of the week, fidgeting at the days plan. It was such a simple plan, yet we spent all week working on it. We being me and the rest of the crusaders. On Wednesday I had a real induction ceremony, but it had to be quick because Applebloom and Scootaloo had to go to Rarity and Twilight's respectively.
And, when I say we spent all week working on that plan, I mean on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday me and the crusaders who weren't busy were trying to find a plan better than this simple one. It turns out there is none.
It's such a simple plan, yet it's the best way to do it. All I have to do, is tell her. I just have to walk up to my mom and tell her I'm transgender. In the end it was Applebloom and her good old country simplicity that brought up this idea.
So now I sit, waiting for school to get out. All the other crusaders are busy with their new apprenticeships, so I'm on my own. Which is fine, I feel much better about it now that I know I have friends that support me.
I haven't told Snips yet, because I fear his judgement as well. Cheerilee has Mostly gotten over the shock of Stars revelation, but I can tell she's still torn by it. Diamond keeps on giving Star a look, but it turns haughty before I can properly read into it. Silver Spoon is growing curious of Diamonds behavior.
I ignore them, I don't care about the school bullies right now. I'm having a hard enough time listening to cheerless lesson on "Bleat House". Wait, this doesn't look like... Oh, I was so lost in my thoughts I spaced out of the rest of her language lesson! She's already gone on to math! I scramble to take out the correct book for the lesson.
~~~~~~~
I leave the schoolhouse and trudge my way home. I don't get far before I'm joined by somepony I didn't really expect to want to talk to me. I'll let you guess, her name starts with a D, she's not a Pegasus, and can't use unicorn magic.
There's no reason we shouldn't talk, I have nothing against her. We just... don't. Almost nopony talks to me to be honest, usually it's only if it's absolutely necessary. Like, if they need to partner with me for a group project.
I look at this pony and I read a couple things. There's mirth in her eyes, but also curiosity. She shoots me a cheeky smile as she trots up before greeting me.
"Hey, Snails!" She cheers.
"Hey, Dinky." I answer slowly, making sure to enunciate properly.
"How's it going?" Dinky asks.
"Okay," I respond. I refrain from telling her all that's on my mind. "How's your magic training been going?" I ask her.
"Not that Well... but, enough about that. I heard you joined the Crusaders. A little strange, because you already have your cutie mark..." Dinky says.
"Their not the Cutie Mark Crusaders anymore. They're just the Crusaders, at least, until they think of something better. I don't think they will, I think they like the Crusaders a lot." I tell her.
"Makes sense, they have a reputation as the Crusaders, you go and change that and ponies start to not realize what their name is. It'll just be one confusing mess." Dinky motions with her hooves.
"Right." I reply.
"So, what does that mean then, if They're not the Cutie Mark Crusaders?" Dinky asks.
"It means... we're trying to find ourselves. And we support others as they search for the answers they need," I tell her.
"Is that so...? Wait, what are you trying to find?" I freeze once I realize what she's asking. I look away as my cheeks turn red from embarrassment. "I'm Sorry, is that too personal?" She asks, I nod my head. "Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." I sigh at her apology.
"It's alright. It's just got me a little antsy is all." I tell her, I stop by my gate I just realized we'd arrived at. "This is it for me. I'll see you later Dinky." I tell her as I open the gate with my magic.
"Oh, Yeah. See ya..." I can tell she's jealous of my magic, and she seems to be in thought about something. I don't even attempt to fathom what though. I've got my mind set on something else.
I enter the door and I'm hit with the fragrant smell of broccoli casserole. It's my favorite dish, what's the occasion? The door slams quietly behind me.
"Snails? Is that you?" I hear my mom call.
"Yeah mom, it's me." I wander into the kitchen and look at the set table. Set for two, just like always. My stomach rumbles quietly against my will, she hears it.
"Well, you're just in time for dinner!" She cheers, I smile back awkwardly. "Now go wash your hooves," she shoos me away. I stumble into the bathroom and try to steel my nerves. My stomach churns from hunger and nerves while my mouth goes dry. I hobble back to the table and fumble with my glass as I attempt to wet my parched throat.
I serve myself a nice pile of casserole. Scooping up a fork full of the dish I place it into my mouth. It tastes terrible. It must be rotten, because this is my favorite dish. I glance over to my mother and she's chewing away happily. I swallow the bite, it takes my sheer power of will not to let it come back up. The taste burns in my mouth, leaving a dry and acidic aftertaste.
Each bite is the same, and after three more bites I stop. The casserole hasn't gone bad, I have. I just nudge the casserole absently as I try to gather up the courage to speak up. My mother is telling me about her day.
"... there is no occasion, I just thought you'd... like... is something wrong?" She finally asks, noticing my reserved demeanor. I try to think up a clever lie, but my mouth is faster than my brain for once.
"I'm not a colt!" I exclaim. Time seems to slow as I spurt the words, I drop my fork. The few bites I'd taken burns in my stomach, making me the slightest bit thankful I hadn't eaten more. My mouth tastes like topsoil as all the moisture leaves my mouth and I'm left with a dry feeling. I gulp as my insides churn with anxiety.
"What was that? I must've misheard you, because it sounded almost like you'd said you're not a colt." My mother laughs nervously, I stare back blankly.
"I... I did." I stutter out, her nervous smile drops into a scowl.
"So, then... what are you?" Her voice is steady, challenging almost. But it's her eyes that catch me, the normally caring eyes have been replaced with cold fury. Accusing, cold eyes. I shudder, but my mouth is moving on a mind of it's on.
"A... a filly." I can tell it's the wrong answer before I say it. Her eyes drop out of my sight as I look down, cutting off my ability to see her emotions. She's making slow and concise breaths, dragging out the encounter. She doesn't look up as she mumbles something.
"What?" I ask.
"Get out." She almost whispers it, but the wind carries the cold demand.
"What?" I asking again, this time in fear. She looks up and all that calm rage is back. She grits her teeth and rises to her hooves as her magic flares.
"Get out." She commands. I get out of my seat and back away slowly, my brain spinning to understand this turn of events. This isn't how it's supposed to go. She's supposed to accept me, there's supposed to be a happy ending.
And that's when I saw the silverware drawer fly through the air.
~~~~~~~
I wander through the streets with a sigh, I'm bored out of my mind. I don't know what I expected to find outside when my mansion obviously has anything better than what I would find out here. And yet, not a single one to entertain me. Something needs to happen.
My prayer is answered as a spoon hits a gate next to me, followed by a colt and then a fork. I blink as the door to the house the colt came from shuts and the colt leans against a nearby wall, breathing heavily. He's got various cuts and bruises along his body, but that's not what catches my eye. He's crying.
Now, normally I would just ignore him, but it's obvious this was spurred on by something much more personal. I recognize the colt, and his house. This is Snails, and he was just run out of his house. I look to the door in shock, and then disgust.
I block a lock of hair out of my face and turn away from the house. Snails hasn't noticed me yet, so I make my presence known.
"Hey, idiot!" He looks up at me and I stride towards him.
"M-me?" He asks, trembling.
"Yeah you. Who else? Honestly, everypony in this town is mentally challenged..." I mutter the last bit to myself. "The Buck did you do, get in a fight with a manticore? I thought you learned your lesson after the Ursa," I sneer.
"N-no... I..." he stammers, before trailing off.
"Well? You..." I ask impatiently.
"I told my mom, and she ran me out?" He replies.
"Told her what? The size of your brain? I'm impressed, I didn't think you could measure that small." I sneer, he recoils.
"I told her that I'm like Star, I'm not a colt..." he breaks out into sobs, I just scoff at the display. I turn towards the house and narrow my eyes.
"Is that so..." I say with gritted teeth. I turn back to the blubbering mass in front of me and sigh.
"Get up you crybaby. This behavior is unbecoming of a filly, you wanna spoil our name?" I scowl at him, he stops crying and looks up at me.
"You mean, you accept me as a filly?" He asks.
"I don't decide who you are, you do. Now hurry up, it's getting dark." I tell him, tapping my hoof. He scrambles to his hooves and winces, favoring his right hoof.
"Are we gonna have to get you to a nurse, wimp? Or can you stop being a weakling long enough to get to where we're going?" I ask him, irritation obvious.
"H-hold up..." he stutters, before flaring his horn. The glow engulfs his hoof, and when it disappears his hoof is covered in shiny slime.
"Eww... what is that gunk?" I ask in disgust.
"I don't have a name for it," he says sheepishly. He starts to cover his wounds in it, slowly both the slime and the wound disappear. I cover my nose as the smell gets to me, it's not too terrible, but it's definitely unpleasant. I touch where one of the cuts used to be and my eyes open in shock. His coat is smooth and soft where the slime was, smoother and softer than anything I'd ever felt before.
"This stuff is amazing, if only it didn't smell like swamp," I cringe at the smell, but I give an approving nod. Snails finishes up and double checks himself, he still has a limp, but he looks like he's in a lot less pain.
"I'm good," he declares.
"Finally, you really are slow. Come on, stickhead." He flinches at the clear slur and I smirk. He keeps up rather well, but I do have to give him some motivation if he starts to lag. Eventually, we arrive at my destination, home. My mansion is a place few ponies have the privilege of entering. Daddies business partners enter frequently, though it's usually when I'm at school. He thinks I don't know, but I do. I don't know why he distances me from the family business, I just want to help. Anyways, there's Also the staff. Various maids and Butler's to service our needs, and occasionally I'll invite Silver Spoon over. Of course I enter my own home, but point else really comes over. This, however is an exception. Snails must have noticed our direction, because he suddenly looks nervous.
"Are we going in there?" He asks.
"Duh," I answer simply. He stops and I sigh. "Don't be such a wuss. It's not like it's haunted... or is it?" I tap my hoof in thought. Now that I think about it, some of the servants mention odd happenings quite frequently. "Whatever, come on," I grumble.
"H-haunted?" He follows very reluctantly. I snicker at the reaction, maybe I can have some fun later with this haunted thing. For right now though, no funny business. I've got a clear goal, and I need to take care of this lout first. I lead him down a couple halls and into one of the guest rooms. It might seem rather lavish to common folk, but it's easily the worst room in the house. Well, aside from a broom closet maybe. The servants quarters aren't any better, but they aren't any worse.
"Here you go, don't wander, don't touch anything that looks expensive... actually, that's everything, Okay, don't touch anything outside of this room. Don't run, don't make a mess, don't break anything, and most importantly... don't bother me. Do these things and you'll do just fine." I tell him. Or rather, her, if she's like Star.
"Wait, you're letting me stay here?" She asks in confusion.
"You really are daft, aren't you? Duh, you nitwit." I tell her.
"It's just... why?" She asks questioningly.
"Do you want to sleep on the streets? I don't need to explain myself. Now are you done wasting my precious time?" I ask, tapping a hoof impatiently. She nods enthusiastically, I nod once to portray understanding. "Good, see you later loser. I've got better things to do than baby you. If you need anything, don't even try and bother me, go harass the staff instead." I shut the door on my way out and head back the way I came. I shiver as I notice it's getting cold out here, at least that idiots inside now. I trudge my way back to Snails house, I have some things to say to a certain unicorn mare.
I approach Snails house and I knock on the door, dropping all pretense of politeness. The door opens and before the mare can say a word I step in.
"Wha- what are you doing!?" She asks.
"Coming in you simple minded numbskull. What does it look like?" I sit in the center of the room and fix her with a stare. "What's your problem lady?" I ask her.
"Excuse me?! You're the one who comes barging in her-" I interrupt her.
"Yeah, no, I was here for that. You don't have to explain that to me. Besides, this isn't about me, this is about you. So, you might want to rethink your answer." I tell her icily.
"Am I being interrogated? This is my home! You can't just come in here and start harassing me!" She yells.
"Strange, because it seems I already have... now, answer the bucking question." I spit.
"You little brat! Get out!" She yells.
"How about... no." she steps toward me and I hold up a hoof. "You lay a hoof on me and your life will be a living Tartarus." I warn her, she hesitates.
"You're on my property." She hisses. I tap my chin and look out the window.
"Hmm... I think not. You see, you rent. I recognize this as Rich property, meaning it's my father's property. Go ahead and touch me, I'd love to see my daddy break you." I smirk triumphantly, she pales at my words.
"What do you want?" She growls.
"I want you to answer my questions. What's your problem?" I ask her.
"I don't even know what you're talking about!" She screams exasperated before turning away, she moves to another room and I follow. She doesn't even attempt to stop me. She's packing suitcases.
"You're packing?" I ask her.
"Yeah, your daddy will have his land back soon enough." She spits.
"So that's how you deal with your problems? You run away? Your even more of a coward than your husband." She stops at this to shoot me a hate filled glare.
"Shut up." She spits.
"What? You think no one knows about what happened? About the father that killed himself? What was it again? Overdose?" I say inquisitively.
"I said shut up!" She screams, slamming a hoof onto the wooden floor.
"He gets rid of his problems, you're just running from it. Except, that won't really work. How can you run away from the problem when you are the problem? Maybe you should kill yourself too, do the whole world a favor. Just like your husband," I mock, she spins on me.
"How dare you! What right do you have to come into my home and slander the name of a dead pony?!" She screeches.
"How dare I? How dare you! What right do you have to chase your own colt out into the cold?" I seethe.
"Colt, I don't have a colt. Not anymore." She spits acidly before turning back to her luggage.
"So that's it then, you're just going to leave her for dead?" I ask in disgust.
"I've only got to worry about me. There's nothing left for me here." She says, shooting me a hateful glare.
"You're pathetic, you know that? I knew you must be pretty dumb with that magical tumor sticking out of your head, but cowardly too? I'll be sure to look for your obituary, it's sure to pop up in the next day or so. You think they'll process you at the same manure factory as your husband? That would be touching, wouldn't it?" I sneer, that must've been the last straw. She snaps her head to my direction and let's out a primal screech. She launches herself at me. I wait until the last second to step to the side, I lift my hoof out and catch her hoof as she lands. She tumbles and I giggle.
"Oops, better watch your step. I know I have to be more careful, I already touched something unpleasant. Someone should really take care of this filth." I jeer, she groans.
"You little-!" I cut her off.
"Oh, daddy, there you are!" I fake, her head darts up in fear. I snicker. "Wow, you are so dumb. Whatever, go ahead and leave. I know I'll be glad I don't have to see that horrendous face again. Too bad that also means you won't be graced with my presence." I pose.
"That would be a tragedy." She growls through grit teeth.
"Wouldn't it? I'm sure you'll learn to cope. So long, stickhead." I make an act of knocking her suitcases onto the floor before I leave. I also make sure to slam the door on my way out. Scootaloo is staring at me, wide eyed from underneath a tree near the house.
"What do you want, blank flank? An autograph?" After getting no answer I just turn away haughtily. I'm halfway home before I realize something, Scootaloo was inside the gate. What was Scootaloo doing at Snails house?
My mind is spinning at what I saw. It was such a normal thing for Diamond Tiara to do... except it wasn't. For once, I kinda like Diamond Tiara. Okay, Scoots, focus. Let's take this from the top...
Rainbow Dash had to cancel our practice to go deal with some rogue weather from the Everfree, a nasty hail storm or something. I decided that I should see how Snails is doing, give her some help. Anyways, I had just arrived to see the door to her house open with her being chased out, silverware following her. At seeing her cuts and bruises I'd gotten pretty angry, but I put that anger on the backburner as Diamond Tiara approached Snails. I was going to interfere when I heard Diamond say something interesting.
"Get up you crybaby. This behavior is unbecoming of a filly, you wanna spoil our name?" She says, but it's not very hurtful. She sounds almost, empathetic. I linger behind a little and just watch the exchange. Tiara says a lot of hurtful things, but it's almost like it's dulled. Like she's not really trying to be all that hurtful, just trying to keep up appearances or something. Once they went into Diamonds home, I wasn't sure Diamond had ill intent. I waited a while and decided to go home if she didn't come back out, but she did. I was gonna follow her and confront her about her actions, until she stepped into Snails gate. Then I was really confused. I snuck into a tree with a branch that led right to a slightly open window, luckily enough. What I saw was beautiful and shocking.
I was already mad at the mare, so it was extremely satisfying watching Diamond at work. Diamond dominated Snails mom, and I can't hate her for it. But the most surprising thing is that she did it at all. Why would she go to such lengths for Snails? What possible gain could she have for that? So, here I sit, puzzling over this very thought. It just doesn't make sense, it goes against everything I thought I knew about Diamond Tiara. Maybe... maybe Diamond isn't as bad as I'd thought.
~~~~~~~
"Okay, Slacker. Up and at 'em." My eyes shoot open as a hoof nudges me awake. My eyes meet Diamond Tiaras and the weight of yesterday's events comes back. She doesn't look mad or anything, just irritated. As I look into her eyes, I notice something. It's a facade, there's no irritation, none of the regular emotions the filly portrays. She actually looks a little... compassionate.
"Well? Don't just lie there, get up." She pushes me once more before turning to a rack of clothes that wasn't there before. I get out of the blankets carefully and stand by the bed, unsure of what's happening. "Finally," Diamond Tiara rings a bell and a mare, she's clearly one of the mansions servants, comes in seconds later. "Poinsettia, please take our guests measurements and prepare a dress for her." Poinsettia nods and turns to me. She falters as she sees me.
"Er... Miss Tiara..." Poinsettia starts.
"What?" She asks shortly.
"Nothing." Poinsettia amends.
"Uh-huh. Send her to the washrooms after you've measured her." Poinsettia nods and Diamond leaves. Poinsettia turns to me with a sigh.
"I'm sorry about that little colt. I realize lady Diamond can be quite... insistent. I can show you out if you'd like. I'm sure you'd rather that than a dress?" She means Well, but the suggestion hurts.
"Um, no. I'd actually um... really appreciate a dress..." I tell her sheepishly. She looks at me, stunned. "Please?" I ask. She snaps out of her stupor and nods.
"Alright then, if you could please hold still." Poinsettia gets to work with a measuring tape, and it isn't long until she sends me to the washrooms. I stumble in and Diamond Tiara is waiting for me.
"There you are. Take you long enough? Nevermind, do you remember that slime stuff? How much of that can you make?" She asks.
"Uh, I dunno, a couple pounds?" I answer uncertainly.
"Okay, fill this bowl." She pushes a bowl to me and I reluctantly fill it. She inspects the slime and grabs a hoof full of the stuff. She starts lathering it into my mane before I can stop her.
"Hey!" I protest.
"Shut up and hold still," I reluctantly do as I'm told and she lathers my whole body with the stuff. The gunk seeps into my coat and seemingly disappears, my mane droops as it loses it's rough texture. Soon, my entire coat is soft and glossy. However, I smell like sewer. Diamond nods approvingly, feeling my coat.
"Celestia, that smells. Okay, let's take care of that." Diamond grabs some perfume of some sort, she sprays me quite thoroughly. Soon a strong mint smell invades my senses, swamping the terrible smell of the gunk. I brush my hair out of my eyes and Diamond hands me a mirror. "Your mane is really different when it's soft. Like it's unstyled," Diamond tells me.
I look in the mirror and realize she's right. It's like I removed some sort of hair spray and now my hair looks more... fitting. It's loose and slightly wavy, a contrast to my sketchy clumps before. "Wow..." I whisper, running a hoof through my mane, it doesn't give any resistance. Each strand is like a cloud, soft and light.
"Okay... a little touch up," Diamond Tiara spins me towards her and I set down the mirror. She pulls a makeup kit out from a cupboard and sets it on the counter. I watch in interest as Diamond searches for tones similar to my coat color, just some gentle touchups. I stand completely still and obey every command she gives me patiently. It doesn't take long and soon I'm looking into the mirror once more. The pony I'd always wanted to be stares back.
"There we go," I glance over to Diamond and catch her smiling with a look of pride. She sees me looking and scowls back. "C'mon, your outfit should be ready by now." Diamond stomps out stiffly and I follow.
"Lady Tiara. The outfit is ready." Poinsettia informs with a bow. Diamond nods and looks to me, she jerks her head towards the dress in a `go on,` motion. I nod and step up to the dress. Poinsettia is looking at me in curiosity, but she helps me get into the dress. The dress fits snugly, but it's loose enough for freedom of movement. It accentuates all my more feminine features perfectly. I look in a mirror Poinsettia supplies to get a proper look at myself and I'm stunned by what I see. Gone is the clumsy colt, instead there's a beautiful filly in an elegant but simple dress. Simple in three fact it is more casual day clothes than a gown for the gala, but it's beautiful all the same. I gaze in awe until the question hits me.
"Why are you helping me?" I ask her.
"You mean the dress? I have a reputation to maintain, I can't be seen with the lower class. The least you could do is look the part of upperclass," she explains haughtily.
"You mean you expect to be seen with me?" I ask in surprise.
"Unfortunately, Yes. I have to find some other sucker to dump you on." Diamond grumbles.
"I can just go back home... I'm sure mom's over it by now... or at the very least willing to talk it out." I Muse, Diamond Tiara flinches visibly at that.
"Actually, your mother's gone Snails... she will have left by now." Diamond says, rubbing her foreleg nervously.
"What? Where's she gone?" I ask, my voice shaking.
"I don't know." She answers sincerely. I lean against a wall as tears form in my eyes. "Don't cry, you'll ruin your makeup," Diamond Tiara says half-heartedly. She almost sounds tired, but tired of what I can't tell. The door opens and Silver Spoon strolls in, escorted by a Butler.
"Miss Spoon is here to see you." The Butler needlessly announces. Silver Spoon has stopped and is looking at me.
"Who is this? Is that Snails? Your hanging with the lower class? And Snails no less! I knew you were going soft... and for these fags no less. I thought you had some sort of plan when you asked Star to hang with us, but you probably actually wanted to hang." I flinch away and avert my gaze from Silver Spoon.
"Silver, it's not like that." Diamond says.
"Like Tartarus it isn't! And to think, I thought you were Okay. I guess I was wrong." Silver sneers, then she turns to me with a malicious grin. "And you, you're gonna go to hell with all the other fags" Silver Spoon spits.
"His mother beat and left him!" Diamond seethes.
"She should get a medal then! She's the only one I've heard of trying to deal with the mistakes in this town!" Silver retorts. "I trusted you Diamond. When you left those blank flanks you used to call friends, I thought you had potential. You even started to surpass me, and I was content following your lead! You've failed me. And there's no room for failures at the top." Silver spits.
"Get out of here... I don't care anymore, just go. Get out of my house." Diamond sighs, Silver turns around and struts down the hall victoriously. My head whirls at what I just witnessed. Is the troublemaking duo no more? Diamond shuts the door quietly and breathes deeply.
"I'm Sorry." She almost whispers.
"What?" I ask.
"I said I'm Sorry. For everything." She sighs before turning to me fully. I can see it all in her eyes. Sadness, compassion, anger, but mostly regret. "Every foul act I've committed against you and everybody else..." she continues.
"Why?" I ask.
"Well that's a loaded question, isn't it?" She scoffs humorlessly. "Why the change of heart? Why was I so cruel in the first place? Why anything?" Diamond asks rhetorically. "Does it even matter why? Just accept the stupid apology," Diamond mutters. I look at her curiously, wondering what the story could be behind this. Secrets are meant to come in time, I'm sure this isn't the last I'll hear of the topic.
"Okay, I forgive you," I lay my hoof in a comforting manner on her shoulder, she flashes a quick smile at me. Her smile disappears and she pushes my hoof off of her, she turns towards the door.
"Thanks, I guess. Come on," I follow her out the door, we stop just before we leave her mansion. "You ready?" She asks, I don't dare trust my voice and just nod once. She opens the door and we both walk out. Nothing happens, nothing continues to happen as we leave her property and walk down the street. I don't know what I expected to happen, but it wasn't nothing. Diamond notices my shocked, but still nervous, expression. "What's wrong?" She asks with less compassion and more politeness, I still appreciate the sentiment.
"I don't know, I expected, something- anything! I expected to be struck down by lightning. To be run out of town by a mob with pitchforks. For Silver to track us, but instead... nothing." I tell her, my eyes moving faster than my thoughts are. Darting from pony to pony, fear and anxiety poisoning my hope.
"You're wrong. Slow down and look at the details, it's what you're good at isn't it?" I blink as I hear those words, she's absolutely right. I take my time to look and I realize ponies are giving me weird looks, just not a lot of them. Some must realize who I am.
"Gah! That doesn't help me at all!" I avert my eyes and glance Tiara, she just rolls her eyes. Then I see a welcome sight, Star and the other Crusaders. "Girls!" I call out, they all turn at my voice and most gasp at what they see. Diamond Tiara hangs off to the side, just around a corner and out of sight.
Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Star Soar are all shocked, but Scootaloo. Her eye's have a strange glint I can't place my hoof on, it's not the impressed once over or the nonplussed casual demeanor. It's more of a knowing look, but what could she know?
"Snails?" I pretend not to notice the curious stares coming my way at that exclamation from Applebloom. The four run over to me, I politely sit there. Surprisingly, Diamond hangs around.
"Snails? Where did you get that outfit? Did your mom buy it for you?" As the thought of my mother comes back, my mood immediately plummets. Tears start to brim again, Tiara makes her presence known.
"Hey! Watch the waterworks. I worked hard on that." She says, the four Crusaders spin towards her as she walks up. The Crusaders form a wall between me and Diamond, except for Scootaloo. She hangs back and sits next to me.
"What do you want, Tiara?" Sweetie Belle asks accusingly".
"I don't want anything from you three." Tiara turns around, but she doesn't walk away.
"Wait... three? Who do you want something from?" Sweetie Belle asks, the seriousness disappearing from her tone as she takes on a thoughtful look.
"Er... Well, nopony. But especially so for you, Bloom and Scoo-" Diamond pauses as she realizes Scootaloo isn't a member of the immediate wall blockade.
"Well good, we don't want nothing from you either!" Applebloom huffs.
"Fine!" Diamond shouts.
"Fine, fine!" Applebloom retorts. After a couple more seconds of awkward silence, Applebloom whispers to Star Soar. "Why ain't she going anywhere? I thought that was the end of the conversation..." She asks awkwardly.
"I don't know, ask Sweetie." Star responds.
"Hey Sweetie-" she never gets to finish the sentence.
"I can hear you!" Diamond huff. "I don't even know why I bother..." she grumbles as she turns to leave.
"Tiara, wait!" I call out to her, she stops and turns as I run around the small blockade. "The Crusaders is all about finding who you are, who you want to be. Me and star chose to change, you can too! Can't we put all this stupid enemy stuff behind us, why can't we just be friends?" I don't know what I said that got to her, but her eyes say that she understands.
"Would you like to be a Crusader?" I ask, I hear three gasps.
"Snails, what are you doing?! Are you crazy?!" Applebloom asks frantically.
"Snails..." Star starts in concern.
"Oh... that's what a doozie is." Sweetie Belle nods her head before returning to a frantic look.
"Yeah, your group members aren't as enthusiastic," Diamond Tiara chuckles dryly.
"You're in," Scootaloo says, everyone stops and turns towards her in shock.
"What?!" Applebloom asks frantically. Her mane is starting to fray and curl in spots, like when Rarity gets out of sorts.
"B-but, the oth-thers..." Diamond Stutters.
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect," Scootaloo replies.
"And... you're just willing to trust me, just like that?" Diamond asks.
"Well, a certain confrontation may sway my opinion a bit," Scootaloo winks and Diamond looks confused for a second. That is, until her face lights up bright red from a blush.
"You saw that?" She asks.
"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. And one thing I know I can trust you to do is make someone fully aware of how incompetent they are." Scootaloo says with a wink, Diamond just grumbles.
"What did Diamond do?" Sweetie Belle asks. I'm wondering that myself.
"A story for another time perhaps. But for now... Diamond Tiara, do you want to be a crusader?" Everypony goes quiet as we wait for an answer.
"Yes..." she answers after a long while, I can feel my smile stretch wide. This looks like the start of something great. Friendships formed out of old rivalries, and all the potential for happiness. There were some rough spots along the way, and there still will be. But this is just the beginning of both my new life and a wonderful friendship. Everything's happening so fast, but sometimes the world needs to slow down. After all, I'm just barely coming to terms with all these new developments.
