Sex Tape
“What does that red light mean, Shiny?” Cadance asked, lying in bed.
“It means that the vid camera’s off,” Shining Armor said gruffly as he leapt onto the bed.
“But-”
“Shut up and kiss me!” Shining shouted as he forcefully kissed Cadance on the mouth.
----
Shining Armor got out of bed, blood dripping off of his fur and mane, leaving Cadance unconscious as he went to the vid camera. He pulled out a card with his magic when he heard a light knocking on the door.
“Come in,” he whispered. In came Flash Sentry, mouth open in shock at the scene.
“What happened here!?” He asked.
“Shhh! Not so loud!” Shining admonished him. “Take this to somepony who’ll make it public,” he said, whisking it over to Flash’s mouth. Flash gently grasped it in his teeth.
“You didn’t have to do this, you know,” Flash said.
Shining gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Yes, I did. I won’t have anypony even get a hint that I’m gay!”
Flash shook his head. “I swear, it’d just be easier if you came out…”
“No! I can’t do that! It’ll crush Cadance!”
“And this won’t?”
Shining thought for a second. “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few?”
“Wrong one.”
“It’s better to ask forgiveness than seek permission?”
“Better.” And Flash walked out.
----
Celestia walked into Luna’s room, tired from a long day of court. “Why did you call me in here?”
Luna waved Celestia over. “You have to see this. The cover claims it has a sex scene from Shining Armor and Princess Cadance!”
Celestia quickly sat down besides her sister. “And how did you come across this?”
“I confiscated it off of one of my thestral guards. He said he heard that it was quite dirty.”
“Oooooh! Let’s watch it!” Luna popped it into the vidbox, which then projected Cadance.
“What does that red light mean, Shiny?”
“It means that the vid camera’s off”
Celestia and Luna both giggled at that.
“But-”
“Shut up and kiss me!”
“Well, I have to give him points for being forceful,” Luna said.
“Oh, Shining...Oh, Shining...do it!”
Celestia and Luna then looked at the scene in awe.
“What’s he doing with that razor blade-oooooh!” Celestia grunted.
“He appears to be slitting her wrists to use the blood for lubrication,” Luna said. Celestia glared at her sister.
“You’ve done this disgusting act before?”
Luna raised an eyebrow. “You haven’t?”
Celestia retched. She then looked at the screen, transfixed. “What’s he doing there?”
Luna also stared at the screen, bug-eyed. “He appears to be penetrating the wound with his-”
“Oooooh, Shiny!”
“Yeah, you like that, slut?”
Celestia looked away and started gagging. Luna was still transfixed on the scene, staring in awe. “I’ve never thought to do that before,” she said just as Celestia tapped her sister on the shoulder. Luna looked towards Celestia, who was still gagging, now pointing at her throat. Luna quickly got behind Celestia and heimleched her, causing vomit to pour out of her throat onto the floor.
“Well, now that that’s over with,” Celestia said as she sat back down.
Luna rolled her eyes. “That’ll take hours to steam out.”
Celestia glared at her sister. “Really? You’re talking about the carpet when they’re doing-” Celestia looked at the screen, then quickly looked away”-THAT!?”
“I think he’s finishing,”
“Uh...uh...ooooh…”
“Ooh, my, Shining Armor, that was a most voluminous load,”
Celestia looked back at the screen, then gazed upon it, transfixed. “Is she…”
“Licking the blood and semen pouring out of her wound? Yes, I believe she is.” Celestia retched again.
“But I didn’t get any pleasure…”
“Oh, you will, baby…”
Celestia and Luna both looked at the screen.
“Oh, it looks like he’s giving her a hornjob,” Celestia sighed with relief.
“And appears to be quite good at it,” Luna remarked, “although he seems to be tugging on it quite hard.”
“Almost as if-”
A sickening SNAP! was heard from the vidbox as both sisters visibly cringed and instinctively grasped their horns.
“Oh, me!” Celestia and Luna simultaneously cried out.
“You ready?”
“Yes, Shining Armor, fuck me with my own horn!”
“All that for a hornfuck?” Luna asked.
Celestia looked apoplectic. “What do you mean, ‘all that for a hornfuck!?’ HE JUST RIPPED OFF HER HORN!!”
“Well, that was apparent,” Luna said as she cringed again.
“Ready for double action?”
“Yes Shining, fuck me with both our horns!”
Celestia and Luna stared at the screen, transfixed in horror at the act that was taking place.
“Oh yeah, oh yeah, OOOOH YEAH SHINING! FUCK ME-E-E-E!”
The vid cut at that point. Celestia and Luna sighed in relief.
“We have to ban this!” Celestia declared.
“Under what rule?” Luna asked.
“Don’t we have a torture porn law somewhere?”
“Last I checked, the law encouraged torture. I’m afraid this falls under free speech.”
Celestia sighed. “But it’s so...gross.”
Luna chuckled. “I suppose it is. But what a stallion and a mare do in their bed and sell to a vid publishing company is their business, I suppose,”
Celestia frowned. “Why WOULD Princess Cadance agree to have herself exposed like this in the first place?”
----
“SHINING ARMOR!”
Shining Armor’s hair blew back as Cadance unleashed the full force of the Royal Canterlot voice in his face.
“Yes, honey?”
“WHY IS THERE A VID OF US HAVING SEX IN THE VID STORE!?”
“Because I thought you wanted to exhibit to Equestria how true love is shown?”
Cadance smarted at that comment. She clearly wasn’t expecting her own words to be used against her.
“But why Bloody Sunday?”
Shining Armor answered with a gleam in his eye. “Because that’s the night I love the most!”
Cadance tapped her horn. “It’s a good thing my curative magic is even better than yours, then…”
“Why?”
“Because…” Cadance said, smiling evilly, “next Sunday, we’re ripping off YOUR horn!”
Shining Armor gulped.