For Honor!
Or
Walk ten paces, THEN turn!
“Well, Trixie,” Twilight says while looking smugly at her opponent, “looks like my amulet is more powerful than yours– Hey! Give it back!”
With a quick application of magic, the azure-colored magician forcefully parted Twilight from the magical amulet she had been given. The power-mad Trixie laughed as she held the amulet above her triumphantly.
“With this amulet, I shall now rule all of Equestria!”
As Trixie brought the amulet to her neck, she moved to take the Alicorn amulet off. Just as she was about to undo the latch, however, she hesitated.
“Wait… If I was great and powerful with one amulet, then with TWO amulets, I will be The INVINCIBLE And UNSTOPPABLE TRIXIE!!”
Quickly positioning the newly acquired amulet above the first, her mad laughter reached new heights as Twilight and her friends looked on while dumbstruck. After a moment, Twilight tried to regain control of the situation.
“W-wait! That’s not right! You’re supposed to take the Alicorn Amulet off first!”
“Why would The Mighty and Beautiful Trixie do that? This way, the Godly and Omnipotent Trixie can rule over all of Equestria with ease!”
“But the whole point of the duel was to get the Amulet away from you!”
The Exaggerated And Multi-Titled Trixie stared Twilight a deadpan expression.
Twilight and Zecora landed outside of Ponyville a second before the glass dome re-asserted its existence over the village once again.
“Ohh,” Twilight groaned as she adjusted to sitting on her flank and rubbed her muzzle. “Now what?”
“I have no idea what to do about this,” Zecora replied, “for such an action I did dismiss. For her to think she could use both necklaces at once, I find it hard to think of a greater dunce.”
“What?! But this was your idea! How did you not see this coming?!”
“Be at ease, Twilight; do not fret. We will return, of that you can bet. For this, however, we will need something more, even if it something you will likely abhor.”
“It can’t be worse than Trixie.”
Zecora’s smile in response was forced as she led the purple mare back into the Everfree.
“Zecora, we’ve been here for hours!” Twilight complained from the corner of Zecora’s hut she had situated herself in while having surrounded herself with Zecora’s limited amount of books. “We can’t just sit around, everypony is depending on us to come up with a solution!”
“It won’t be much longer, my dear Twilight, for we have only to wait until the night. Once the sun falls below the trees, we have need to only appease. The one we seek will come then, and with his help, we can try again.”
“Wait, he? Who’s—”
Just as Twilight had begun to ask, a knock came from the door. Zecora gave an unsure glance at Twilight before she made to answer it. She opened it a crack, looking out to make sure it was safe, before pulling the door wide open so Twilight could see the new guest to Zecora’s hut.
“Hey, Zecora. We have more powdered sapphires if you’re willing to trade for more poison joke extract.” A distinctly humanoid figure ducked under the door frame as they walked into the room. “Xeno also wanted to see if you could give us any—”
“YOU!”
The clone of Xeno stopped short at Twilight’s exclamation as she nearly burst into flames on the spot. As though confronted with a wild animal, the clone froze like a deer that had suddenly found itself in front of a speeding mass of metal and oil with incandescent lamps ashine.
“Oh shi—”
“Do you have any idea what your ‘Boss’ has put me through?!” If looks could kill, Xeno would be conducting a funeral. Twilight stomped her way up to the clone but found herself stopped short of her destination. “Zecora? Wha—”
“Instead of tying your mane in a knot,” the wise zebra said, “you should stop and give this idea some thought. What better way for this situation to end, than for another villain's help to descend? To be able to reverse this continuing trend, you will need to be able to make a new friend.”
“No! I absolutely refuse,” Twilight stubbornly glared at the clone who was subtly trying to escape, only to be stopped by a stripped hoof grabbing his shirt. “I know that I said nothing could be worse than Trixie, but I was wrong. Literally anything could be better than Trixie EXCEPT XENOLANCE! If the idea was to get another more powerful villain to help us out, I would have settled for anypony other than him! Discord would have been a better option! Sombra would have been a better option! Ponyfeathers! I would have settled for cloning Trixie and then asking the clone to deal with Trixie!”
“Wait, wouldn’t that only double the troub—”
“SHUT UP!”
The clone’s jaw clicked shut as he not-so-subtly moved behind Zecora out of fear of the Purple Mana-bomb in the making.
Zecora calmly laid a hoof over Twilight’s shoulder, stopping her from reaching past to get at the clone. “Set aside your frustration and see this with a different view. Without his aid, then worse trouble will ensue! Asking for his help is worth a shot. Is Xenolance truly more deplorable than that szot?”
Twilight paused and looked at Zecora in confusion. “What the hay is a szot?”
Zecora only frowned at Twilight for changing the topic, before gesturing her head towards the clone behind her.
After a moment’s thought, Twilight sighed in defeat. “Ugh, fine.”
Carefully stepping out of the way, Zecora let Twilight approach the clone.
“Take me to Xenolance,” She commanded, “I need his help to get rid of Trixie.”
“Uh- well- I mean, I don’t think the Boss would really appreciate it if I willingly lead you to him when he’s actively trying to avoid you… so uh-”
The clone paused as he noticed one of Zecora’s larger metal cauldrons levitating in a purple aura. Twilight had a strange expression on her face that could best be described as ‘Eager.’
“S-so, uh…” The clone tried to lean away from the mare, even though she was but a fraction of his height.”I-I’ll need some sort of guarantee that you won’t… You know… Try anything?”
There was a loud clang as the cauldron fell to the ground.
“Like what?”
“Uh… Oh, I know! Pinkie promise!”
“W-what?!”
“You know!” The clone, sensing weakness, pushed the attack. “One of the promises that the Pink One ensures is upheld?”
After a moment of wide-eyed shock, Twilight gave a defeated sighed and cleared her throat.
“I promise not to arrest Xenolance…” Twilight mumbled before lowering her tone. “Not like I’d need to, anyway. Celestia put together an elite guard unit to hunt him down.”
Somewhere in Canterlot, Blueblood sneezed.
The clone nodded but motioned for her to continue.
“...Or give him away.”
“And?”
Twilight blinked in confusion. “...And?”
“And the vivisection?”
“W-What?! I wouldn’t do th—”
The clone crossed his arms.
“...Okay, I promise I won’t dissect him either. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
The clone stared at her a moment before he nodded with satisfaction and turned to Zecora. “I’ll send someone else by later to finish our trade. Now, Booksmart, follow me.”
“It’s Twilight!” corrected the mare as the pair made their way out of the hut.
Soon after the pair had left Zecora realized that Twilight hadn’t cleaned up after herself.
“This is it,” The clone said, gesturing to an old barn just past the outskirts of Applejack’s farm.
Twilight looked at the decrepit building she had been presented with. The paint was faded where it hadn’t peeled off the walls, only showing a hint of the original red coloration. There were holes in the walls where the wood had rotted away, allowing glimpses of the dark interior of the building, and the entire structure smelled faintly of rust and decay.
“...Are you sure?”
“Yeah. This is it, alright.” The clone nodded to himself as if confirming his point. “Come on, let’s get inside.”
The door to the barn gave off a loud creak as the clone pushed past it. Twilight hesitated for an instant before following him. The interior was as bad as she imagined it would be.
Sunbeams lanced through the shadowy interior, causing the dust disturbed by their presence to form hypnotic patterns as it twisted and danced in the breeze of their passage. The smell of rot and decay only intensified, and here and there on the rotting wooden floor was the decaying remains of old farm equipment.
In the center of the barn’s space, there was a hole where the floor had given out. The sun’s light shined through a hole in the roof causing a spotlight effect to highlight the hole’s presence as if Celestia herself was trying to draw attention to it. The clone was leveraging himself into it by the time Twilight had finished her short sightseeing.
“Here, I’ll help you down.”
As she got closer to the hole, Twilight saw that it dropped into an old cellar of sorts, with a long stone stairwell leading into the dark. She looked at the clone who was fumbling with an odd-looking tube, only to be blinded by it as the now obvious flashlight turned on.
She let out a whinny of surprise and pain, and almost fell over the edge of the hole if not for the timely intervention of the clone.
“Whoops, heh. Sorry.”
She glared up at the clone from her position in his arms before he set her down on her hooves at the edge of the stairwell.
“Come on,” he said, pointing the flashlight down the stairs. “This way. Oh, and watch your step. Whoever made these stairs did it in a hurry.”
She huffed, before following the clone as they descended the stairwell. After what seemed like an eternity (but was in actuality more like five minutes) they finally reached the bottom of the stairs where the ground leveled out. Metal faintly glinted at the edge of the area lit by the flashlight, and she found herself entranced by it.
She trotted over while igniting her horn to get a better look, and was confronted by a large metal gear. It was large enough that with three of her standing on each other’s back, she still wouldn’t be able to reach the top with her hooves. There were places with rust on it, and it appeared to be solidly placed in some sort of slot built into the wall. In the center of the gear, placed where anypony could see it, somepony had painted a large number two.
“I-is this your lab?”
“What?” The clone looked over from where he stood next to the wall of the cavern, nowhere near the gear. “Oh, that? Nah.”
The clone used the flashlight to illuminate a much smaller, much more ordinary wooden door. It looked like it could have been from any of the houses from Ponyville, especially with the inclusion of a mailslot and brass knocker. The clone pulled a key out of a hidden pocket and proceeded to unlock and open the door, causing light to shine out and illuminate the cavern.
“Bwah?! But-but then what’s this?!”
“I dunno.” The clone shrugged. “That’s always been there. The Boss said to just ignore it. ‘Sides, thing gives me the creeps.” The clone stepped through the door. “You coming or what?”
Twilight hesitantly gave the gear another look, before following after the clone.
“Now, don’t mind the mess.” The clone closed the door behind Twilight. The room beyond the wooden door was dimly lit and looked a bit like a living room that had been visited by the CMC sometime in the recent past. “We’re still trying to clean up after… Well…”
A moment of silence passed.
“A-anyway!” The clone put on a smile that even Twilight knew was fake and tried to give off an aura of cheer. “The Boss should be this way!”
The bookish mare followed the mirror-pool abomination through one of the side passages into a hallway. She heard the sounds of merriment and relaxation from ahead, and both she and the clone soon found themselves in another, larger room.
This one was much larger and well lit. Immediately to her right, she saw another clone reclining in a chair against the wall, reading what appeared to be the Foal Free Press. A bit off to her left, a clone seemed to be working with what appeared to be some sort of advanced electronic device of some sort, although he appeared more interested in the foal toys he was playing with on top of it.
“...And we shall call it… This land!” One of the toys ‘said’ as the clone held it. A second toy looked to the first. “Well, I think we should call it your grave!”
Further off to her right, about halfway between the entrance where she stood and the back wall, was another clone that was positioned at a desk piled high with paperwork. The clone looked like he desperately needed cheering up by Pinkie, as he was grumbling angrily at a paper that was in front of him before balling it up and throwing it over his shoulder to land in a heap of similarly balled pieces of preprocessed and pressed plant preserves.
“No, no, carry the one four pages back and this becomes division by zero.”
Finally, up against the back wall and working with a strange thaumic display was the villain in white. He muttered angrily under his breath as he drank from a small cider keg with the apple family logo on it, intently studying the three-dimensional display hovering above a desk in front of him as he reclined in a tall-backed chair.
“...Encrypted engineering that requires the user to be intoxicated before it makes sense. Who even does that? HOW do they do that?”
The clone leading Twilight waited patiently for her to take in the sights. Quite quickly, however, the clone reading the paper nearby decided to interrupt.
“Hey.” The clone with the paper used it to gesture to the purple mare. “Number Five, why is crazy purple here?”
“She just wants the Boss, Number Four.”
One of Four’s eyebrows made a climb towards the heavens. “Doesn’t she always?”
“Yeah, but,” The now identified Five motioned with his hands towards the mare, “She promised not to turn him in, see?”
“And this changes things how exactly?”
“It was one of the PINK ones.”
“And just like that, we should trust her?” Four asks, eyebrows knotting together in a glare.
“I’m right here, you know,” Twilight mumbled loudly enough for the clones to hear.
Both clones looked at her, the proverbial pink elephant in the room—or purple mare, in this case. Five looked at Four.
“Look, can she go see him or not?”
Four glared at the mare a moment more before waving dismissively at Five and returning to his paper. “If it blows up in your face, I’m going to point and laugh. The Boss always wins against her, anyways.”
Five grumbled but ushered Twilight closer to the Villain in White. As they passed the clone playing with the toys, the machinery lit up and started making noises. The clone attending it quickly dropped the toys and started frantically pressing buttons.
“Boss! Boss! The sensor detected an equine incoming on our location! It’s a few miles out, but—”
Xeno sat up from his reclined position with a near-silent curse, tossing the keg away in the same motion as he leaned over the desk to see the clone better. “Is it the CMC? I knew it was only a matter of time before they found us again!”
“No boss!” Neither the clone nor Xenolance noticed Five and the pony in question conspicuously standing in the middle of the room. “I think it’s the crazy purple one!”
“That’s almost as bad! How far is she!”
“The scanner says...ten miles!”
Twilight sighed before trotting towards Xeno.
“Wait! Twelve--No, fifteen! She’s going away, and moving fast!”
“Xeno, we need to--”
“HOLY F--” The villain aborted cursed before a thud interrupted him.
Xeno grabbed his knee while making a hissing noise with his teeth. He gently massaged it while reflecting on his newfound lack of ability to walk. Or to not be in agony. Or the possibility of desks being invented by someone who particularly hated knees.
Once he had the pain under control, he looked up at Twilight. He gave a glance at the sheepish clone at the machine with a muttered comment of ‘fifteen miles, huh?’ before directing a sour expression at the pony invader and her escort.
“Number five?” Xeno eventually asked, attempting to delay destiny. “Why is she here?”
“Well,” the clone in question said while tugging his collar, “You see, Boss--”
“Have you been drinking hard cider?” Twilight interrupted, pointing at the keg that was forgotten in the corner of the room.
Xeno sighed and bowed to the inevitable. Looking at the mare, he said, “Look, just putting up with you ponies on a day to day basis requires some brain bleach at the end of the day, okay?” With a final check of his knee to make sure it wasn’t going to inexplicably break on its own, he once again reclined in his chair. “Even worse, that idiot Connery seems to have encrypted all of his designs somehow so you can only make sense of them while inebriated.”
“Connery?”
“You know, Connery!” Xeno gestured for a moment as if trying to think of a missing word. “Tall-ish guy? Human? Ring any bells?”
Twilight tilted her head and looked at the villain like he was a...Well, a drunken villain.
Xeno sighed before continuing. “The other guy at the dance-off? Invented this thing?”
Xeno grabbed a strange device that was leaning against his chair and wiggled it in the air for Twilight to see. After looking at it awhile, she made a vague horse noise of recollection before she looked back at the villain with the expectation of him to hurry up and explain his debauchery. With a glance at the device, he did so.
“...Actually, did I ever pay him back for the trouble he caused me?”
Or maybe not.
“No sir,” the clone with the newspaper known as Four spoke up, having been listening in. “I don’t think you did.”
“Huh…” Xeno looked lost in thought for a moment before shrugging. “Get the dimensional home coordinates off this and input it in the MOOCH. Invert the polarity, target His dimension, and take out the trash, would you?”
The clone folded up his newspaper with a smile and walked up to the villain in white. “Sure thing, boss.”
Meanwhile, in another dimension...
Aw man, what a good night's rest. This is the first time in a long while since I've ever woken up so peacefully.
Stretching my arms and legs, I gave another yawn before getting out of my bed and sliding the window open.
“Ah, feel that breeze!” I shouted energetically, “The sun is shining, the birds are chirping! There's a whole world out there waiting for me to steal it all for myself!”
Stepping away from my window, I took out my non-child-unsafety scissors and started cutting up my bed. After tearing a big enough hole, I rummaged around inside to grab my evil scientist uniform and dusted away the feathers and memory foam.
“Evil Literal Closet Bed. So wasteful, yet so worth it.” I nodded proudly at my sheer abominable-size genius.
Donning my suit, I strapped on my Evil Goggles™ and struck a villainously heroic pose on the edge of my now ruined bed.
“TODAY IS GONNA BE A GOOD DAY, I can feel it! Nothing could possibly ruin this feeling! ABSOLUTELY NOTH-”
I felt something heavy hit me from above, throwing off my balance and cause me to face plant into the floor as heavy object landed on top of my back.
Struggling to drag myself out, I only just barely managed to escape the confines of this spontaneous object and cracked my spine in the process.
“Jesus, what the hell?!” I grunted, rubbing my back.
Looking back, I finally realized that the object in question was a very large trash bag filled to the brim with empty cider kegs.
“Well, this seems highly improbable. Which says a lot if I'm the one saying it.” I scratched my head in confusion, wondering where in the world this trash bag came from.
A bright blue portal tore itself into the fabrics of reality and spawned another object into my room, this time a garbage can filled with crumpled bits of paper.
And then another portal popped out of nowhere and flung more trash. And another. And another. And another. And another.
It took about fifteen portals of random trash to fill the room for me to realize the truth of my horrible predicament.
‘Oh no… Portals? That's impossible!” I blanched, slowly backing away in fear, “This could only mean one thing…”
If there was a camera that was recording me during my daily slice of life routine, then it would be zoomed up extremely closely to my face right about now as I furrowed my eyebrows dramatically.
“Santa Claus.”
I slapped the offending camera away from my face since my breath was fogging up the lenses, before exclaiming, “I knew that old bastard would come for me one day… I just never expected him to attack outside of Christmas!”
With a theatrical finger pointing to the sky as a banana peel landed on my face, I shouted loudly, “NO MATTER! I will not let you have your vengeance, old man!”
I immediately ran to the window and slammed it close, before backing a few feet away for a head start and then jumping out the window.
*WINDOW CRASH*
“NAVAJOOOO!”
…
I climbed my glass-punctured ass back into my room and walked back over to my bed, picking up my non-child-unsafety scissors. “Almost forgot about you. A fully grown adult could get hurt using this.”
Pocketing the safety-hazard, I went back to the window and jumped out like a normal person this time.
Twilight looked on in confusion at the retreating clone, before shaking it off.
“This still doesn’t excuse you from stealing the cider from Applejack.” She pointed back to the keg. “I can see her cutie mark on the side.”
Xeno sighed. “Look, I don’t make the rules, I just break ‘em. I literally cannot understand this without being drunk, and Apple--Applejack, you said?--That mare makes a mean hard apple cider.”
“But it’s her livelihood!” Twilight pointed at the villain. “She needs every bit she can get!”
“Is that Twilight?” Came a voice from behind Xeno’s desk, interrupting his retort.
Xeno groaned while rubbing his face, stood up, and pushed his chair to the side to reveal an archway on the far wall from the door. In the revealed room beyond, Princess Luna reclined on a decadent sofa while being fanned by a changeling with a palm leaf. Luna looked out and over the desk and smiled at Twilight.
The smile was perfectly counterposed by Twilight’s gobsmacked expression.
“Ah! Twilight! ‘Tis good to see you once again!”
“P-Princess?!”
The lunar diarch motioned the changeling away--though it only managed a foot or so before a chain prevented it from going further--and stood up, walking into the main room. As she passed Xeno she glanced at him before dismissing him and smiled as she arrived in front of her sister’s protege.
“Tell us, how fairs thine friends?”
“P-Princess, what are you doing here?!” Twilight stuttered out, recovering as quickly as she was able. “WHY are you with HIM!”
Luna followed the pointed hoof to Xeno. She seemed to quickly make some sort of connection, and her smile became strained.
“Ah, that… You see, we...Well…”
Luna sighed and facehoofed.
“Please don’t tell Tia…”
Xeno noticed Twilight was about five seconds away from committing treason so he decided to step in if only to not have to clean up the inevitable mess afterward.
“Look, Purple,” he said, stepping in between the two mares. “Luna here got a bit stressed by her return to society at large and needed a vacation. She sent out some scouts to find a place to take a vacation, and they mistook us for some sort of exotic resort. She contacted us, and she’s very happy with her vacation, right?”
Luna nodded, quickly catching on. “Tis true!”
Twilight stared at the duo for a moment, before admitting defeat with a sigh. It only took her a moment before she returned her stink-eye to Xeno.
“This doesn’t excuse you from stealing Applejack’s Cider.”
“Oh, for the love of--” Xeno wound himself up for a monolog. “I need it! Do you have any idea what that device of Connery’s does?! With its technology and my MOOCH, I could--”
“I don’t care!” Twilight interrupts. “You’ve been a pain in my flank for MONTHS, and not only are you stealing from Applejack, I can’t even tell her because Trixie has taken over Ponyville!”
“What?!”
Luna pushes Xeno to the side and puts her front hooves on the desk, staring down at Twilight. “What dost thou mean ‘Taken over Ponyville?!’”
“Trixie came back and used the Alicorn amulet to take over Ponyville!” Twilight, happy at finally making some headway into her problem, goes full steam ahead. “She used it to beat me in a magic duel, and threw me out before she put a giant dome over it!”
“Treachery!” Luna snarls. She thumps her forehoof on the desk before turning to the Villain in white making his way to his feet. “Xeno! We demand that thou aid in the liberation of Ponyville at once!”
“Oh no!” Xeno dusted himself off and waved dismissively at the mares. “I get wanting friends and time away from your sister, but nothing was said about being at your beck and call! Besides, I’m busy.”
As if on cue, number Four had returned and handed Xeno the device from earlier.
“Do you understand the potential this has if I can figure it out? I could--”
“Ifist thou helps,” Luna interrupted, “We will assign Twilight to aid you in your… Research.”
“WHAT?!” came from two different sources.
“I can’t help him! He’s a villain!”
“She won’t help me! She’s a hero!”
Luna glared at the two and began yelling. “SHE WILL help you, and WE will have Tia order it once YOU have liberated Ponyville!”
The booksmart mare and villain in white looked at each other as Luna stomped her hoof in finality on the desk, and returned to her couch and her lounging, solidly preventing any further argument on the matter.
“...Right, Smilight--”
“Twilight,” Twilight automatically corrected.
“...Twilight. Let’s go somewhere less…”
Luna yelled at the changeling, who scrambled to fan her once again.
“...Lunar.”
Twilight only nodded while trying to get the ringing out of her ears.
Xeno entered his lab, quickly followed by Twilight. Walking up to a table in the center of the room, a map of Ponyville flashed itself into existence with a fishbowl covering it.
“Alright, you said her name was Mixie?”
“Trixie.”
“Right, right.” Xeno rubbed his chin and leaned over the map. “So, obviously the hero thing isn’t going to work or Luna wouldn’t have told me to help you. With that in mind, let’s start with the obvious. Have you tried to kill her yet?”
“WHAT?! NO!”
“What?” Xeno looked at Twilight with confusion. “Why not? I mean, get that it won’t work in this dimension but to not even try is--”
“I’M NOT GOING TO KILL HER!”
“But--”
“NO!”
Xeno sighed and returned to the map.
“...Have you tried seducing her?”
Twilight’s jaw dropped and a blush formed on her muzzle, gobsmacked at the suggestion.
“You know, if you can’t beat ‘em, join em?”
Xeno only had a moment to duck as one of his computer cabinets flew through the space his head had previously occupied.
“Right, that’s a no. Got it.”
As Twilight regained her disposition, Xeno hummed.
“You know, you could just tell Tia about it and have her deal with it.”
“I’d rather have my friends back in one piece and not be in magic kindergarten, thank you.”
“Well, what about Luna?”
Twilight stared at Xeno for a moment, before pointing at him.
“Oh, right.”
After a moment more of thought, the villain sighed and leaned over the table.
“Well, other than sending the trio after her--which, to be fair, is too cruel even for me--I’m out of ideas for the moment. What about you?”
Twilight stared at him with a deadpan expression.
“I’m not the villain here, you are. I’ve already tried everything I could think of, and just look where it got me!” Twilight slumped to the floor. “I wish she would just go away…”
“Oh! Now that’s an idea!”
Twilight sighed and nudged the cardboard on her face. “Are you sure this will work?”
“Well,” the villain adjusted a knob on the device he was holding and glanced at his heroic counterpart. “It hasn’t failed yet for reasons that are still currently beyond me, and this transponder I hooked into the MOOCH should take care of the rest if I can just get a clear shot.”
“...MOOCH?”
Xeno stopped and stared at Twilight. “...Didn’t I monologue the plan yet?”
“No.”
“...Right. Okay.” Xeno sighed and rubbed his hand against his face, pushing his mask out of the way in the process. “Okay. Just think of the MOOCH a bit like a magpie attached to a bungee cord. It grabs things from other dimensions and pulls it back here. The downside is that it has the same attention span and penchant for shinies, so while you can direct it to some extent it occasionally doesn’t work like you want it to.” Xeno sniffed and rubbed his nose. “We only really figured out that much ‘cus it kept giving us hotplates and silverware instead of a free lunch. Still got the lunch, but devalued eating utensils at the flea market in the process.”
Xeno returned to adjusting the device he’s holding. “With this, I can tell the MOOCH to do the opposite and push whatever it’s pointing at to another dimension instead--a process that’s thankfully simpler and thus more reliable--and then...Trixie? Trixie won’t be your problem anymore.”
Twilight looked at the device like it was a party cannon Pinkie purposefully overpacked with party paraphernalia.
“Now come-on. The sooner we get this done, the faster you can go back to your friends, and I can get back to work.”
Xeno re-applied his mask, grabbed his transponder, and with Twilight in tow walked out of the woods and up to the shield. A small, square device was produced by the villain and quickly attached to the fishbowl. A button press followed by a high pitched whine and a flinch from Twilight soon caused an area of the construct to disappear. Xeno walked into the area where it used to be, picked up and pocketed the dropped device, and walked into the previously protected space.
“Huh. I didn’t think that would work.”
“What WAS that?!”
“Anti-harmonic conversation white noise generator.”
“A what?”
“It--”
“Hold it right there!”
The pair turns to see a golden stage being pulled by two foals approaching them at a snail’s pace. After an especially long and awkward wait, the vehicle finally arrived and Trixie dismounted with mana flowing in her wake. The pair held still, fearing for the worst until Trixie walked right past them and stood just inside the area where the town was breached.
“Who dares invade the Omnipotent and Omniscient Trixie’s Domain?!” She yelled at the forest.
Xeno glanced at Twilight, before pointing the device at Trixie. A click is heard, and Trixie disappears with a ‘FWOMP!’
Twilight stared at the spot Trixie was a moment ago, before removing her mask and looking at the squirrel's face printed on it with a confused expression.
“Well,” Xeno muttered to himself, pulling off his own beaver print mask. “That takes care of that.”
“Huh.” Twilight finally said, returning her stare to the spot where Trixie once stood. “That was surprisingly easy.”
Trixie landed with a resounding thud as the blue portal spat her out in a dark messy room that was filled entirely to the brim with garbage.
She groaned as she rubbed her head and moved to stand up, only to trip on something slippery and slide down the mountain of trash she was on top of.
Rolling into another rough landing, she coughed away the dust and tried to stand up again, this time with less hassle.
Looking around her new environment, she became awfully confuzzled at the fact that she was currently residing in a small bedroom that looked exactly how she imagined a pigsty would look like, except worse.
“Where in the world is the Imperious and Exalted Trixie now?! What sort of teleportation magic brought the Pure and Godly Trixie here?!” She yelled at no one, except the vast amount of trash in the room.
“TWILIGHT SPAAAARKLEEEE!”
Meanwhile, in a few thousand floors below her, a humanoid-shaped robot jerked awake from the noise coming from the security cams. He adjusted his hard-hat and patted his yellow-coated metal body, before sitting up straight in his desk-chair.
The minion-bot (that’s what they’re called by the way) narrowed his artificial eyes as he checked each individual camera to discern where the disturbance came from, setting his sights on one single room.
Da Boss’s room. Like how a Sicilian mafia member would say it. ‘Somethin’ is up with da Boss’s room.’
The screen showed him a most peculiar image of a strange blue-ish unicorn pony madly screaming as she fired lasers all over the place, destroying everything in the room except the walls and a detached kitchen sink.
The minion-bot blinked from the sight, seemingly unfazed by the situation. Then he brought his attention to a big giant red button on the corner of his desk that had labels of WARNING! DO NOT PRESS AT ANY COST! all around it.
The button in question had a small sticky note attached to the side, with written instructions made by his boss.
In event of Santa Claus, please disregard warnings. <3
The robot steadily moved his mechanical fingers over to the button and hovered over it as he watched the security cameras in thought.
“Hm…”
He looked back at the button. Then back at the rabid runaway unicorn that was literally foaming in rage. Then back at the note. Then back at the button.
“Hm…”
Maybe I should inform Connery…? Hm…
He continued to hum in thought as he hesitantly hovered over the button, eyeing the obviously not Santa-Claus in the room.
...
“Meh, it’s Christmas time somewhere in the world.” The minion-bot shrugged, before violently punching it.
Xeno looked at the purple mare with an expression akin to horror. “Oh, you did NOT just--”
A sudden thunderclap and Trixie once again stood where she had a moment ago. The madness beyond anger seen in her eyes was only complemented by her scorched and soot-stained appearance and the gibbering, animal-like noises that were being vomited out of her foam covered mouth.
“Oh,” Twilight said in a hollow voice at seeing the mare return. “Ponyfeathers.”
Xeno facepalmed. “Whelp, Plan C.”
“Plan C?”
Turning to look at Xeno, Twilight only saw a trail of dust leading back in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres. After a moment’s hesitation, she ran after him.
“Plan C is running away?!”
Xeno pulled a device off his belt, quickly fiddling with the dials attached to it.
“No, Plan C just has some AoE involved.” He held the device to his mouth. “Boss to Two! Boss to Two! Respond!”
A moment passed in which Twilight questioned ‘AoE?’ before a voice came from the device. “Oh, hey Boss! How did the hero thing go?”
“Two, not now!” A shout of rage came from behind them as a bolt of magic flew over their heads. “I need you to fire the cannon at the target!”
“Cannon? Which cannon, Boss?”
“Cannon?!” Twilight said at the same time. “I told you we weren’t killing her!”
“The cannon we launched last week!”
“Oh! That cannon,” the clone replied.
“Yes! That cannon!” Xeno panted, not used to the exercise. “Fire THAT cann--”
Xeno yelped as a bolt of magic took the device from his hand in a shower of sparks.
“TWILIGHT!” came the voice from behind.
“Run faster!”
After an uncountable number of seconds later, the sounds of hooves behind them was interrupted by the world suddenly deciding to change to a brilliant shade of yellow as a thunderous boom crashed against their ears. Both villain and hero found themselves lifted off the ground as a shockwave blew past them, causing both to fall forwards onto the ground.
As quick as it had come, the catastrophe of sound passed, leaving a stunned silence in its wake. Groaning, Xeno and Twilight returned to their respective appendages as they stood up, and looked back as what had happened to the Incensed and Enraged Trixie.
“...Huh.” Twilight said, dumbfounded at the sight before her.
“YES!” Xeno decided to celebrate, having expected such. Still celebrating, he danced his way back to the blue figure lying on the ground.
“This! This was plan C!” Xeno celebrated. He picked up the small and foal-sized Trixie, only to slip the amulet off her now shrunk head. “Plan C, for Cute! I’m a Genius! HA!”
“Why was this plan C?!” Twilight was much less enthused and had different concerns. “How did you turn her into a foal?! WHY did you turn her into a foal?!”
“Simple, my dear Twiright!” Xeno held Trixie high, much to her growing protestations. “Like this, I can make cute videos of her and post them on the Internet, gaining fame and notoriety for weaponizing cuteness! Soon, no one will be able to face me for fear of the dreaded puppy-eyes!”
Faced with Xeno’s special brand of insanity, she asked the first question her mind latched onto.
“What’s an internet?”
Xeno’s laughter immediately stopped as annoyance replaced glee.
“What’s an int--are you serious?!” Xeno groaned. “This is like Christmas all over again!”
“...And that’s how Xeno Subjugated the Subjugator.”
As the mare finished her retelling, a pair of bored expressions stared at her. The silence that permeated the room and the poor lighting served to make the mare uncomfortable, causing her to start fidgeting under the apathetic expressions of her audience.
“...Indeed. Is that the end of your report?”
“Yes, your highness.”
One of the two members of her audience steepled his hooves together from his sitting position behind a large oak desk. The other sighed, and turned to the white-coated royal that most would know as…
“Prince Blueblood, it seems that we have greatly underestimated the villain.”
“It would seem so, yes. I suspected this would be a challenging assignment when Auntie selected me personally to attend to it, but when she slipped and mentioned my attraction towards the element of generosity rather than the pre-arranged response I should have known it worried her more than the norm.”
The Prince took a sip of wine from a conveniently placed goblet before continuing.
“Such a shame that Rarity wasn't informed of my cover during the Gala...”
Standing, the prince began pacing the room. “Queue, I’ll need some equipment for this; the good stuff. Ponyville is Agent Drop’s jurisdiction. Since we haven’t heard from her about this, then it’s likely she’s been compromised.”
The royal gaze is directed out a nearby window. “We are in for some interesting times, Queue. Interesting times…”