Rainbow Dash is uncertain how she'll balance her life as the newly promoted Captain of the Wonderbolts. The former captain has a few words to say.
Written as an entry into the 2024 Wonderbolts Site Contest.
Chapters (1)
6-D Pegasus
Joined 19th Feb, 2017 ·
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I peeked. 👀
11892894
NOOOOOO!
11892894
How could you.
O...okay? What?
Very good story you got there, 6-D. I like it.
My only issue is that "Sleet Shower" and "Spitfire" don't really sound too similar, in my opinion.
That was a really nice read. Wholesome and emotional. Keep up the good work
11893103
Awww thank youuu <33
11893036
I can seeeee that, but imagine their supervisor calling out their name from far away, over the sound of wind, while both are tired from cloud busting :3 maybee
Someday, you will use em dashes instead of en dashes.
Loved the fic, Sixdee.
11893120
Ok, I see what you mean. I guess there's more of a similarity of the consonant sounds in their names than the vowels.
Good fic with a good message. Dope work, homie. 🙌🏽
Wholesome fic with a good message. I feel like a lot of things people seek advice for often turns out this way; simply a fact of the way things are.
We always expect actionable advice, we want to believe there's some process to follow, some way to exude control over something we're concerned about, but ultimately all we really need is to have realized the facts of a situation.
What should be, what you want it to be, will be - because you want it to be.
Feels like rainbow hearing her own advice when she most needs it.
Very good, I'm glad you convinced me to read it
An excellent message; one that, perhaps, a good number of us needed to hear.
A lovely little peek into their lives down the road. Very well done.
Yet another amazing life fic by 6-D, keep up the outstanding work!
Wonderbolt fics are the best :3
Whoa! Having Spitfire give RD friendship lessons I'm here for that.
This is very true and some ppl definitely need to hear it, nice story
Nice one 6D!
word missing.
otherwise good.
In the effort of making this a real-ass Quills & Sofas contest, I'd say you deserve one of my patented constructive comments. 👀 And here, I have BB code to work with! Take that, Google Docs.
What a wonderfully simple statement. I really enjoy when the prose & the characterization work together to make something plain. This line is very simple, and definitely something we've all heard before (or otherwise some variation), but I think it captures Spitfire's characterization & mentality perfectly: the world is round, Spitfire is a Wonderbolt captain, you make life happen around you.
From a technical standpoint, I think this story would benefit from some structural pacing and some loosening up of the descriptions. By structural pacing, I mean actual structure---paragraph breaks, and maybe some more variation on ellipses/appositives/and so on. Varying your structure can help lead your audience/the reader down the path you want them to travel, and can really lend a lot of power to emotional beats.
Loosening up your descriptions (by which I mostly mean interspersing more scene descriptions in between your dialogue) will help define the picture in the audience's head, and will also work well with more clearly punching those emotion beats. Plus it'll help vary your sentence structure; think less ping ponging between 'Rainbow' and 'Spitfire', or in first-person POV stuff, less 'I' all the time.
Overall, I enjoyed this one. Spitfire & Rainbow's dynamic is excellent. As the two main Wonderbolt himbos, they can often sound very similar in fics, and I think you did a great job making them sound distinct here. Spitfire's retirement and RD's takeover is a very compelling thought, and Rainbow being afraid of losing friendships to her new, all-consuming job is a totally legitimate fear. I'm glad Spitfire was able to give her some not-so-shouty guidance. :)