AMICITAS FLIGHT THREE – MISSION DAY 220
ARES III SOL 218
To: Ares III Hab crew (emails redacted)
From: Laurence, Jennifer (jlaurence42@jseng.nasa.gov)
Subject: Sirius Tandem Rover Protocols
Mark,
Attached find the detailed procedures we’ve worked out so far. Be advised these procedures are subject to revision if new needs or more accurate information makes it advisable.
Please review the document and send comments, corrections, etc. Use outline numbers to indicate specific issues within the document.
Jennifer Laurence
Crew and Thermal Systems
Johnson Space Center
NATIONAL AERONAUTICS AND SPACE ADMINISTRATION
Johnson Space Center, Houston, TX
Engineering Directorate
Crew and Thermal Systems Division
PROJECT SIRIUS
Full Modification Procedures for Ares III Rovers plus Pony ship Friendship
Version 4.16a
OUTLINE
I. INVENTORY AND ASSESSMENT OF WORKING MATERIALS
II. PREPARATION OF ROVER 1 CHASSIS
A. SALVAGE OF ROVER 1 CABIN INTERNAL COMPONENTS
B. REMOVAL OF ROVER 1 CABIN AND SUPERSTRUCTURE
C. SALVAGE OF HARDWARE FROM ROVER 1 CHASSIS
III. PREPARATION FOR TRIM OF FRIENDSHIP
A. DISMOUNT AND REMOVAL OF ALIEN ENGINES
B. CONSTRUCTION OF MID-SHIP SUPPORT
IV. TRIM OF FRIENDSHIP
A. REPLACEMENT OF FORWARD LANDING GEAR WHEELS
B. SEVERANCE OF AFT PORTIONS OF SHIP
C. SALVAGE OF HARDWARE FROM FRIENDSHIP SCRAP
D. MOUNTING OF SHIP-ROVER ENVIRONMENTAL INTERFACE
V. MOUNTING OF FRIENDSHIP
A. PREPARATION OF ROVER CHASSIS
B. PREPARATION OF UNDERSIDE OF FRIENDSHIP
C. MOVEMENT OF FRIENDSHIP
D. ADJUSTMENT OF POSITION OF FRIENDSHIP ON CHASSIS
E. SECURING OF FRIENDSHIP TO CHASSIS
F. CONNECTION OF ENVIRONMENTAL INTERFACE
VI. MODIFICATIONS OF FRIENDSHIP POST-MOUNT
A. TRANSFER OF HAB ELECTRICAL STORAGE SYSTEM COMPONENTS
B. MOUNT OF SOLAR PANELS
C. INSTALLATION OF ROVER 1 COMPUTER
D. REPLACEMENT OF FRIENDSHIP INTERNAL LIGHTING SYSTEM
E. REMOVAL OF ALL NON-ESSENTIAL SYSTEMS
F. SALVAGE OF ENGINE CONTROL SYSTEMS
G. (OPTIONAL) SUGGESTED METHODS OF LIGHTENING LOAD
VII: MODIFICATIONS OF ROVER 2
A. SADDLEBAGS MK. 2
B. SUPPLEMENTAL POWER STORAGE EXPANSION
C. PATHFINDER ROOF MOUNT CONSTRUCTION
D. PATHFINDER MOUNT
E. SOLAR PANEL STORAGE MOUNT CONSTRUCTION
F. FRIENDSHIP ENGINE & ALIEN BATTERY MOUNT CONSTRUCTION
VIII: TESTING PROTOCOLS
A. SIRIUS 5 – POWER CONSUMPTION TEST
B. SIRIUS 6 – LIFE SUPPORT TEST
C. SIRIUS 7 – DRESS REHEARSAL
IX: SIRIUS 8 – SCHIAPARELLI OR BUST
APPENDIX: CHECKLIST OF CARGO REQUIRED FOR SIRIUS 8 AND OPERATION PHOENIX II
From: Mark Watney (email redacted)
Subject: Re: Sirius Tandem Rover Protocols
First: IT’S A WHINNYBAGO.
On to issues:
IIA: I’m going to have to do all this in a pressure suit. The amount of stuff being moved around means I’m going to have to do this by myself. Under those conditions, four hours is a bit ambitious. IIB in the same spacewalk is really ambitious. In fact, since I have roughly two hundred sols to get all this done in, maybe the time estimates could be left out completely? I mean, it’s not like you’re going to dock my pay if I have to work overtime, right? Riiiiiight?
IIC: I’m not going to systematically dismantle everything we cut off of something else. I have a lot of CO2 filters, but my EVA time isn’t infinite. If we need more hardware, we’ll pick it off the scrap. It’s worked for car wrecker yards for a hundred years, and it’ll work on Mars now.
IIIA: I know you only have my photos to work with, but you wasted a lot of words to say, “Step 1: Remove engines. Step 2: don’t drop them.” You don’t need to guess.
IIIB: _How_ many rocks?? Oh my aching back.
IVB: And now you’ve wasted a lot of words to say, “Step 1: Cut off the back 40% of the ship. Step 2: DO drop it.”
IVD: You left out an important step. We’re currently using Friendship’s habitat compartment to store hay in a cool, dry environment that isn’t a freezing, desiccating environment. There’s no way to do what you want without depressurizing the chamber, and that means we have to move everything out of that compartment into the bridge and seal the vents between the two remaining airtight compartments. The weight shift is going to be a bit more than half a ton when we do it. Will this affect anything?
VA: I read this section and think, “So you want me to build the first Speed-E-Lube on Mars.” Would you like your flying saucer vacuumed out while we’re working?
VB: At this point in the procedure the underside of Friendship will be half covered by the pile of rocks it’s sitting on. That’s going to make it difficult to straighten out brackets, test for weaknesses in the metal, etc. Suggestions?
VC: Lots of words for, “Step 1: Have the unicorn pick it up. Step 2. Don’t let her drop it.”
VIA: Thank you for understanding that we do need to have electrical power in the ship as much as possible and not suggesting we yank the old batteries from the ship until now.
VIB: “Step 1: Have the unicorn lift you up. Step 2: bolt on solar panels. Step 3: don’t let her drop you.”
VIE and VIF: Ahead of you on these. The only systems left in the ship are environmental controls, one set of flight control / landing gear steering, electrical breakers and fuses, and comm systems. We’re discussing adding the Hab microwave, though, because it won’t fit in the rover.
That covers my main comments. I can’t speak for the people who own the ship we’re going to chop up, though.
Mark
From: Cherry Berry (email redacted)
Subject: Re: Sirius Tandem Rover Protocols
What are you doing to my ship??? (No, I know what you are doing, but it still hurts. It was a good ship.)
Also, tell Mark “Whinnybago” is bad name. You like it if we call rover “Oook Oook Mobile”?
CB
From: Dragonfly (email redacted)
Subject: Re: Sirius Tandem Rover Protocols
I’m not going to go down the whole list in order. I just have a few comments.
The last tests we did on the main engines were at lowest power- we didn’t want to strain the landing gear brakes or risk uncontrolled lift off. We’ll need to do better tests to see if they work well enough to make it worth carrying them to Ares IV MAV. We’ll do that before we begin building things on the rover to hold them.
If we have enough food extra, I can make better saddlebags without cutting up hab canvas. We might need that for other things, and I can’t make more Hab sealing resin.
I think the forward landing gear will be too long to let the ship lie flat on Rover 1. We can adjust it, but it will be a delay.
The main engine controls are pretty simple. If I understand, the plan is to put the engines on the first stage of the MAV and just throttle them full blast. Simple on-off switches will work for that. Maneuvering thrusters will take more work, since each pack has four thrusters on it.
If I think of anything else, I’ll let you know.
Dragonfly
From: Starlight Glimmer (email redacted)
Subject: Re: Sirius Tandem Rover Protocols
I don’t appreciate being listed as equipment. I am not a saw, a drill, a crane, a clamp, or anything else. I am a person, and it would be nice if your instructions included phrases like, for example, “Ask the unicorn if she would be willing to.”
As it is, every step in this process which requires heavy magic use will be a sol all to itself. Our magic supply is not as limited as it was when we first arrived, but this is still a generally magic-free environment. Magic strain is painful, and I’d prefer to go through as little of it as possible.
A little bit of consideration goes a long way.
Starlight Glimmer
P. S. Mark complaining about his back? Really? I'll be doing most of the rock-lifting and pit-digging! It ought to be, "Oh my burning horn"!
From: Fireball (email redacted)
Subject: Re: Sirius Tandem Rover Protocols
Do not listen to Cherry Berry. Ponies have city named Whinnycity. Whinnybago is fine name.
What is a bago?
Fireball
If those three fillies were there, they'd all either be dead or already home.
Yet they already have their marks...
Meanwhile, their deadline drew closer.
Whats a baygo? About $500 for a foal?
If Rover can use a scrap bumper pusher plate or drag bar harrow or whatever, could it do increasing distance each day at least for the first part of the journey in preparation, in conjunction with caches etc? As in is there time to maybe drag clear the first hundred or so km of route, with scouting and small trench prefill etc?
At least they aint thinking of doing a Skylab,a nd using the last magic battery on Fireball so he can overheat the waste storage tank and use its emmisions as thrust.
Not so much a Whinnybago as Ikea instructions. They're just going to need one heck of an allen wrench. And remember, unicorns have feelings too.
8904866
Given their luck, they'd make history by finding definitive evidence that Mars once had complex plant life... by getting covered in millions-of-years-old tree sap. That or Mark would find a bottle of maple syrup he didn't remember on the Ares III manifest.
8904888
Touché. They bring discord and tree sap with them wherever they go.
Okay, I didn't say anything yesterday because it was spelt "Laurence" then, but now I gotta ask - did she quit Hollywood in favour of NASA in the 20's or something? Or is this a different woman who happens to have the same name?
Probably meant "Whinnyapolis". Also opportunity to mention Baltimare, Fillydelphia and Las Pegasus to generate more raised eyebrows at NASA.
Edit: Forgot Fireball and translation issues. ("polis" --> "city".) Nevermind. Still, might consider similar mistranslations for other city names.
After a bit of wiki diving, "bago" might mean "water."
"Horse sound water" sounds way better than "Stinking water"...
8904898
Girl in the Labyrinth, David Bowie the Goblin King?
I find it amusing that they listed Starlight under Equipment. Though in fairness what stands out to me is just that they didn't list the rest of the martians as equipment, which they probably should have.
I do wonder if they've considered stripping the light crystals out of the cave to put over the solar panels. Given that they amplify light from Mars levels to Earth levels this would result in around an 8x increase in power generation, which would let them make the trip at basically whatever speed was safe without any concern for electricity. They probably wouldn't even need to stop and lay out the panels at any point. They could just drive continuously all day long with the panels on the top of Amicitas being enough to provide the required energy. This could cut their travel time by like two thirds.
FIreball XD
And humans have New York, which isn't part of York. And New Hampshire, which isn't part of Hampshire. And New Jersey, which isn't part of Jersey.
Rocks in glass houses.
Woof, did they really put it as bluntly as "use unicorn to do thing"? Someone's going to get raked over some coals by the political staff for that one.
Equestrians have a deep and abiding love for horse puns. Cherry has clearly been living with Changelings for too long.
That said, I would totally ride the Ook Ook Mobile.
And listing the unicorn as ‘equipment’ is EXACTLY the kind of first contact faux pas I can see going down.
8904984
Yeah...but do we have a city that's called Ook Ook though?
So NASA is familiar with the ESA's crown jewel, the Amacitas. I want to see how they react to the CSP rescue ship 100,000 Parts Flying in Loose Formation.
And then have them find out how many launches took place in the attempt to get their people home, Vs Earth's five (three and a half, really).
Congratulations on, as of the time of this comment, 1000 upvotes, exactly.
Another great chapter, and someone needs to explain chain of command to Starlight, along with 'this has to be done or everyone dies' priorities. Asking nicely is all well and great, but only when pleasantries don't take an hour.
And then, the next day, Starlight finds out that Mark has renamed both Rovers to 'Ook Ook Mobile' and 'Monkeymobile' for 'morale boosting purposes.' The Whinnybago name stayed though.
Have ponies finished "Harry Potter" and are reading "Discworld" now?
If I was Mark, after Cherry's comment, I'd totally throw my weight behind Ook Ook mobile.
I can just see those three fillies somehow covered in sap. Where that sap came from is anybody's guess.
8905089
What does "Ook Ook Mobile" reference?
8905129
Monkeynoises. Vs. horsenoises.
8905007
Is "Ook" an actual word?
8905144
It's an onomotopeia.
8905129
My guess was that it's reference to Librarian. Although it may be just monkey noises.
8905146
Theres your answer.
8904898
I'm kinda willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that the name choice *may* have been a coincidence. I've given a fictional character a famous name by accident before, so it can happen.
Some consistency would be nice, though.
8904898
Passengers had a profound effect on her. She has a thing for funny fix-it types (Pratt's character, and Watney)
8905082
I mean - Starlight isn't actually in NASA's chain of command, so that's entirely inapplicable
8904984
Apples to oranges. All the New-x places are named in remembrance of other cities/towns/medieval shack collections. It would be different if we had a city called Mannalington (For anything other than a tiny town in the middle of nowhere. We've got a much bigger population, stupid naming should be a last resort)
Dragonfly's reply being blunt, starting with 'I'm not going to read the whole thing,' built on where she'd been going in the last couple of chapters, but Starlight needs to get her priorities sorted out...
8904977
yessss YESSSSS THISSSSSS!!!!
No more need to fudge numbers, Kris, this fixes all the power problems straightaway!!!
8904547
I am no Engineer so what do i know, but i know some basics and i assume that might have more to do with combustion engines. Still very likely those there might be better power to be gained from the motor with magical heat regulation too? Not to mention if they can do something for the solar panels?
Also a lot of heat is generated in combustion engine due to friction heat generation, but i assume that might not be that big of a deal with electrical engines?
And as heat goes they should have access to all the heat they need with the water portal, sad thing they do not have any sterling engines with them. They could really power the whole thing with that pony water system.
8904898 I took the name of a NASA department head, more or less swapped them front for back, and feminized the name for the OC. I wasn't thinking of real-life actresses at all. (In fact, I practically never think of celebrities at all if I can help it.) But thanks for pointing out a typo.
8904977 Weight. The light crystals weigh an average of fifty kilograms for the receivers and as much as two HUNDRED kilograms for the projectors. (These are Big Bucking Quartz Crystals, y'all.)
8905022 Nuh-uh. Even if it goes up in flames the instant it leaves the pad, it counts as a launch. The Four Inch Flight was a launch. Sleipnir 1 and 3 were launches. They count.
8905082 Starlight is a civilian, and her past job history includes Tyrannical Cult Leader, so I don't think chain of command arguments are the best way of persuading her of anything.
8905089 If it were Discworld, it would have only one Ook.
8905001 8905002 Engineers. What can you do?
8905007 Even better. We have an Isle of Man.
8905249 In particular New York was given its name in honor of the then Duke of York, the brother of King Charles II... who later became James III, whose reign brought about the Glorious Revolution and put a more or less permanent end to the divine right of kings in England. Of course, before then it was New Amsterdam, so the point is not significantly impaired.
8905249
You mean like Gaylord, MI a regional resort town? Or Little Rock, AR the capital of the state?
Bigger population doesn't mean stupid naming is a last resort. Nor does being named in remembrance matter. I'm pretty sure no one needs help remember Santa Claus. Oh! But not Santa Claus, IN. I'm talking about Santa Claus, GA. Thats newer.
8905318
Which isle? There's only soup.
Well no. For the sake of current discussion, you ARE an asset just like a saw, a drill or a crane would be. And for most of these proceduces there's no if. Have a unicorn do it - or else.
8904977
Without anyone else, the project would be harder. Without Dragonfly, much harder. Without Starlight though it would be impossible, period. She's listed as mission-critical asset, but people who wrote this think in different terms. The rest are nowhere near as useful. (Cherry is critical for food supply but that's different)
LOL "What is a bago?" Seems to be muddy water, from the etymology?
8905256
She didn't say she didn't read all of it, she just said she wouldn't comment on the whole list
8905359
There's also a Humansville Missouri.
Suddenly Ponyville as a name is put into perspective.
8905167
Onomotopeia's are words though.
8905318
Yell at them, fire them, then re-hire them when you realize someone has to fix your stuff. Rinse and repeat.
I propose Mark rename Rover 2 and 1 to Oook Oook Mobile and Whinnybago, respectively. It seems the kind of thing he would do. I can hear Cherry facehoofing while Spitfire laughs already.
8905398 Just that the tone struck me as a little blunt, when such hard work went into putting the list together.
8905414
They are? How do you spell a farting sound?
8905410
Theres also Humansdorp, South Africa.
But thats not as fun.
Still gotta fix that email, tho.
Im an aircraft electrician on a day i requested off. The moment i saw the beggining of your list of contents i shuddered because of how many T.Os i have to look through for a simple light fix. I was already deeply impressed by every detail youve written but this has got to be my favorite one because of personal experience
8905318
Love Fireball's comment at the end.