"So whadda ya think?" Alucard asked with a wide grin. "The sort of place we're looking for?"
The group had halted just outside an ancient, crumbling ruin of a castle, the soaring towers ventilated by holes in mortar and stonework, the tapestries visible through the windows torn and tattered, the gates rusted, the chains for the drawbridge crumbled to dust, and the wood of the bridge apparently rotten. Everything about the place screamed that it was empty, abandoned, and of no interest to anyone. The only ones who might ever enter the place for any reason were fully mundane archaeologists, thrill seeking adolescents, or those with enough skill with magical sight to add the twist that let them see the magic hidden within the broken structure that kept it from completely falling over, magic that had been frequently - and recently - renewed. Fortunately, that described the entire group, more or less.
"Yup, that's definitely what we're looking for," Jade confirmed as she glanced back at the group. While there was no way for 'the Chan Clan' - as they were now referred to, apparently - could go undercover beyond their normal behaviors, the attempt had been made. Jackie was dressed in his 'archaeology garb' as Jade thought of it, the brown jacket and pants with all the pockets. Viper was dressed the same, though trading shorts and a fanny pack of holding for cargo pants. All three fillies were wearing pith helmets and scarves, looking like adorable Girl Scouts trying to earn a merit badge (at least, Jade assumed that's how Girl Scouts worked). Jade had also been goaded into an outfit matching Jackie and Viper's - shaped from her robes that changed shape at her will, one of the definite perks of being the Chosen One - and Hsi had shaped himself a similar outfit.
Hsien Ko was also dressed the same in her human guise, and had done her best to make the clothes baggy and nondescript in an attempt to counter the attention-drawing aspect of the succubus magic she used to appear human. Unfortunately, the magic had simply overpowered the attempt, and the outfit fit her like a second skin and she looked amazing in it, much to her frustration, Viper's envy, Jackie's embarrassment, and everyone else's amusement. Alucard had simply changed his red threads to brown and changed his wide-brimmed fedora into a pith helmet, thus matching the look of a group of archaeologists investigating an old ruin.
Anderson had been the problem, as he had flat out refused to dress in anything but religious garb. As he'd put it, just because he no longer accepted the authority of his former superiors didn't make him any less religious, and he was still bound and determined to spread 'the true word of God' now that he'd discovered it, even if he would miss smiting the heathens since that went against said true word. Still, his usual attire was simply too distinctive, as was his appearance if he'd just been in ordinary priest robes. Then Hsi had suggested a habit.
Scamp, apparently eager for anything fun with 'Uncle Andy' and her 'Grandpa', made a nun's habit look adorable. On Anderson, while it did manage to conceal his identity, it looked absolutely ridiculous.
"Ah feel like a bad Monty Python skit waitin' ta happen," Anderson growled out irritably. "Why did ah ever let ya all talk me inta this? Ah don' even know how I'm gonna get out of it! And do ye know how uncomfortable it is havin' all mah bayonets under this thing? Feels like being an inside out hedgepig!"
"On the plus side, it doesn't make your butt look fat!" Alucard joked teasingly.
"Ach, do ye really think so?" Anderson asked playfully, turning almost coquettishly in an attempt to check.
"Oh, absolutely!" Alucard agreed wholeheartedly. "You really bring something special to the 'sexy sister' genre."
"I note he didn't say what," Sweetie Belle murmured softly to Jade.
"Don't expect it to be what you think from Ally's perspective," Hsi hissed back. "As he puts it, no one alive could comprehend his sexual preference."
"...ew..." all three fillies and Jade muttered back.
"Well, let's get inside," Jackie said ruefully, leaning against a nearby stone column that had once been part of the castle gates. "It's not like any secret passages to where Stonehenge is hidden will find themselves while we're having a pointless conversation-"
The stone under his hand grated, and the ground dropped out from beneath the group.
"When will I learn?!" Jackie screamed out as they slid down a ramp into darkness.
"Good question!" Viper called back, bracing herself on Jackie to keep from getting scraped up too badly.
"Bad day bad day bad day bad day!" Apple Bloom screamed out as she tried to find something to grasp to slow their descent.
"Aiyah!" Sweetie screamed as she tried to focus her magic.
"Wheeee!" Scamp screamed out in delight.
The ramp suddenly dropped out from under them. Alucard, Anderson, Jackie, and Viper all landed lightly on their feet. Hsi caught Jade as she fell, landing on his own feet before setting her down. Scootaloo caught hold of Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle as they dropped, buzzing her wings to land them lightly. As a result, all of them were able to look around and see Stonehenge standing around them...along with about a hundred robed Magisters.
"They hath found the secret fun slide passage to the Chamber of Hidden Agenda that we left out where anyone might stumble upon it!" one of the Magisters declared haughtily. "They knoweth too much!"
"And this time around, they're actually right," Alucard murmured to no one in particular with a shit eating grin.
"I toldeth you we should hath blocked that up!" another Magister insisted sarcastically. "But nooo! We must not betrayeth the traditions of our forebears, especially not the ones that maketh no sense! After all, if they madeth sense, then they wouldeth not be traditions!"
"Enough!" the lead Magister declared in fury, stepping forward with his hood pushed back to reveal a nondescript face with long white hair and beard. "There are intruders within the inner sanctum of the Brotherhood of Magisters! They are to be smotten!"
Grinning, Alucard drew his guns as Anderson burst out of his habit to unsheathe his bayonets. Jackie and Viper both shifted to feline form as Hsi took on his demonic form and Jade and the Crusaders prepared their magic. "Heh, good luck with that," Alucard taunted playfully.
Hmmm, I feel a trickle of good ole Pratchett in this chapter. Must be the robes and nonsensical traditions! Hope you're doing better and thank you for the chapter!
Theme song!!!
Must you always end your chapters on such a cliffhanger!? ... Wait, don't answer that.
9009556
I would hesitate to call this a cliffhanger. The only people currently in peril are the Magisters.
9009574
The man (woman?) has a point. Does it really count as a cliffhanger if the villains are the ones left hanging from the metaphorical cliff?
9009541
...Huh... now that you mention it, there is a certain resemblance... *scrutinizes chapter*
Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!
...You know I am somewhat annoyed that the fight scene is cut off by this cliffhanger, but that annoyance is tempered by the fact this was such a good (and funny) chapter! (Anderson in a habit! HAH!) But overall that's all drowned out by the fact that I can only focus on the fact that I can't remember who Scamp is!
9009556
The answer would probably include a cliffhanger!
Chapter
"Aiyah!"
\
Chapter Count: 1
Total Count: 50
"One More Thing!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 85
And THIS is the part where I put up THIS little ditty.
9009595
Seras and Schrodinger's daughter. First appeared in "The Field Reports" and introduced in the following chapter.
welcome back and lovely chapter
9009580
You were right the first time.
👨 ✔
👩❌
Ohhhh those guy are well and truly screwed. Big time!
I wonder if these cultists know how screwed they are? Let’s see the incoming curb stomp and how fast it will go.
So apparently; fantastic health plans.
(sets up a betting table) any takers on how long this brother hood will last with this crazy fighting force to deal with?
9009620
Thank you for some reason my mind kept thinking of "The Lady & the Tramp" instead of who the character actually is!
9009647
the plans must be DIVINE, or near to it with Alucard's rep
Hey there, long time reader of your stuff. First time reviewer. First off, I love your stories! Unlike most authors your not afraid to throw cannon to the wind and do your own thing! I also like how you integrate the worlds of Jackie Chan and MLP so seamlessly! and your world/character building is incredible- yet realistic! My compliments!
p.s. Do you take recommendations on what to crossover MLP with next?
9009690
I used to, but my list is so long at this point I want to finish the planned massive crossover, "My Little PWNY", and all the worlds going into it before adding more to my plate.
Besides, I've got a lot of non-MLP ideas I'd like to write, too. One in particular that really titillates my fancy right now is a Kill la Kill/Highschool DxD crossover.
9009659
Put me down on 100 bits on it being five seconds before one of the Brotherhood screams like a five year old girl before the almost all of the Brotherhood (the head guy would stick to his guns) starts begging for mercy.
9009706
Got it.
HERE WE GO!!
FIGHT!
9009659
A chocolate chip cookie on 2 min.
Probably a good thing everyone dressed in about roughly the same outfit. Except Anderson and his ward. They'd better not make it a habit.
Not sure if this counts as them getting the drop in their enemies.
9009641
Noted... at least until I inevitably forget.
I hope that this Magister who is sassing the others for blindly obeying stupid traditions survives relatively intact. I like the cut of their jib.
Let's see what function does Stonehenge do. I bet it either be awesome or totally hilarious.
9009722
Gotcha.
Couldn't help it.
9009811
to perfect
9009602
The actual version used in the last episode. I really want that to be the goal horn for /MLP/ in the 4Chan Cup but I doubt I got the right contact or that they even bothered to read my email.
I really want Best Pony to kick the ball to Princess Twilight, someone denies the pass but Best Friends or Faggot Deer recovers control and kicks the ball to >Rape, who scores another legendary goal. The song transitions from “Get Ready to Die” to “Party Party Party” as we score a 3-0 and run circles around the likes of /POL/ or /H/.
I want the ponies to party under burning zeppelins! (And get a 3rd star on their flag.)
9009695
Oh, okay. That's fair.
Oh, you do fanfiction too?
What's your account?
9009772
3 dozen of pinkies cupcakes no more then three chapters
These Magisters better have some impressive defenses or offenses, like maybe an actual Stonehenge powered weapon.
9009659
My bet is that the Magisters actually does well initially.
Then Alucard goes Dracula, and everyone proceeds to shit themselves.
9009659
Two large bottles of Extra Old Overproof Dark Spiced Barbados Rum on a minute and a half
100 mooks to 100 bleeding corpses in 10 seconds flat.
9009850
Same username as here, and on AO3.
You can find links to my profiles in the upper right of my user page here.
My bet would be 3.5 s. Until the first cultist gets sent to Morpheus’ land, after that 98 cultists wet / poo themselves and faint... Then the leader gets massacred mercilessly...
Father Anderson in a freakin' nun's habit... just about lost a lung from laughing at that.
9010081
Thank you
Hmm you think they worship discord?
Secret fun slide? Why not secret super fun happy slide just to be a little more fun?
9010125
Because avatars of chaos are so into static, unchanging, rigid, predictable ancient traditions?
Welp... this is gonna be fun. How long do you think they'll last? I give 'em two minutes.
Chapter One Hundred Eighty-Nine
"Bad Day"
////
Chapter Count: 4
Total Count: 48
"I'm not his/your Mistress!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 10
9010276
I'd say about a minute and twenty-five seconds, tops
Definitely loving how comically the Magisters were portrayed near the end, as well as Alucard's last line
I hope the next chapter cuts back to the group questioning a gibbering mess of a lead not-cultist amidst a massive bloodstain.
9010301
No, he is a Lovecraftian creature. His infinite void filled with disembodied eyes should have your first clue in that regard.