Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000
Dear Princess Celestia,
You would think that since my family has run this farm successfully for three generations, that we would be fairly savvy business ponies. Our two busiest times of the year are when we sell Zap Apple Jam and our famous Apple Family Cider. Ponies line up for miles the night before every time. Seriously, we've sold this cider for years, and yet Rainbow Dash gets all butthurt when she doesn't realize what overnight camping means yet.
So, anyway, back to our flawless business practices. Like, supply and demand! With lines that long, you'd think we'd put a limit on how many each pony can buy until everypony's been served. Nope, because that's for sophisticated ponies. We'd rather let Pinkie buy more than she can carry, and then piss off the hundreds of ponies waiting in line when we run out. Yeah, that sounds like a good move to make.
Then let's talk about competition. Competition in business just means better things for the consumer. There are proper ways to go about competing with another business. But screw proper ways, we're the Apples! We're gonna let competition come and park right in front of us. Oh, and we're gonna let them run their demonstration with OUR apples. What could go wrong?
Their machine is certainly impressive. I even managed to get Rainbow Dash to eat dirt! Heh, imagine what she could do if I poured cider all over my body. Ooh...
But, uh, anyway, since we're the savy-est of business ponies and all, we bet the farm on who could make the most cider. No, I mean we literally bet the farm. I mean, why wouldn't a sexy southerner, an old bag, the model for Brony Paper Towels, and a filly who wants to grow up to be the President be able to beat a highly-sophisticated machine that we honestly should take our profits and invest in?
We probably would've been fucked if Flim and Flam weren't equally as bad at running a business as we were. They were in the lead by a mighty amount, and allowed us to double our team with 'honorary family members.' Because of our increased pace, they had to cut back on the quality control. Ya know, kinda like those fast food restaurants do in Manehattan. But their stupidity didn't end there. When nopony wanted to buy any of their cider, did they cut their losses and wait til next year with some of the most fertile ground in the region? Nope. They took their machine and left. So I guess the whole point I'm trying to make is...
We got lucky, and fuck you and your friendship lessons.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a cider bath and invite Rainbow Dash over.
Your sultry southern subject,
Applejack
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SWEET! Another already! And oh what a great one it is! Good luck Applejack, be sure to write to us how that goes...
Well, Applejack, you're quite the filly-fooler, aren't you?
so many lols in every chapter.
I'm surprised she didn't mention how silly Flim and Flam were when they sold the lack of quality controlled cider first, rather than discretely bucking the barrels into the Everfree forest.
You realise you'll have to write a fic with AJ bathing in cider and inviting Dash over now, right?
1633303 You'd like that, wouldn't ya?
1633315
Don't blame me, you brought this on yourself
"We got lucky, and fuck you and your friendship lessons."
Mmm, implied Appledash. We are pleased.
Are you going for a third letter today? *nudge**nudge**wink**wink*
1633315 Yes.
Applejack letter FTW
This episode did seem to put the apples in a very not pleasant light. It's funny that everyone wants to paint Flim & Flam as the bad guys, when the Apple's behaved like mobsters attempting to run out the competition. They were very bad at, true, but that's not really an excuse for illegal business practices.
1633303
And then the giant ants descend upon them. It all ends in tears, but most things do if you wait long enough.
1633346 While I would love to oblige, I'm having trouble figuring out how to parody Read It and Weep, because, once again, this is an episode where the majority of the screentime is not one of the mane 6, but another character.
1633386 It doesn't need to be long. Maybe something about RD being obsessed with books?
1633408 Well, either I'm going to get inspiration, or this may be one of those dud entries from overthinking it.
ya someone is getting laid. also that episode proved that you have to keep up with technology. and that Rainbow Dash is a cider addict.
1633386
RD-Dear Princess Celestia, I'm not an egghead!
TS-P.S- Yes, she totally is an egghead, she read the book! I'm gonna put the cover of next Daring Do book at my book about Marquis De Sadle(you know him! After all he invented S&M with you! And with half of Equestria and other countries but who cares.)
Aaand after this you can go with other episodes :P
1633315 Yes.
I have the strangest feeling that Applejack didn't write this letter. There was one pony who was severely interested in Rainbow Dash like that.
The read it and weep episode can be about twi laughing at how RD only reads baby books and play on the unicorn superiority accept. Or play upon how much rd hates reading and then changing her mind about them and doing everything she can to get that book again. With twi making fun of that.
1632783 That whole offfended business was just a bunch of trolls... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kc-BJQJDTpE THIS is Derpy's voice.
1633386 I suggest that Daring Do complains about the letters she gets from this creepy fangirl who goes by the name of "Rainbow Dash". Seriously, 90% of the content in those books she wrote are utter BS, right?
1633503
Ohhhhh, you mean me.
1633540
Ummm.... who are you?
Did...did you just make a jab at George Dubya? xD
Well, that's a...that's a weird one.
1633581
A dork
1633666
No, you're not a dork. You're adorkable. :D
1633602 No. It is one of my many references to Friendship is Witchcraft.
1633674
No no nooooooooo!!!
You sound like my girlfriend
1633781
In the altered words of Braveheart,
THEY CANNOT TAKE OUR DERPY!!!
1633787
*shudders* Eregh, even though I'm a guy. ^^;
I kinda expected this to have been written as Twilight pretending to be Applejack.
As for the original episode, I'm guessing Applejack is unused to the concept of "People don't have to buy our stuff", based on her actions in The Best Night Ever.
Sounds more like Twi role playing as AJ.
Loool this was a good one. Silly, sexy AJ .
1633864
Hm...The last one honestly didn't sound like something Twilight would say, and now this doesn't sound like something Applejack would say...
Are they writing eachother's letters just to spite each other?
1633303
Golden cider showers.
To be specific, second hand cider.
1633315 Sweet Celestia, YES.
1634195 Oh you haven't read anything yet...lol. Hope you enjoy.
Sweet Apple Acres Cider has been proven to have hallucinogenic additives that addict the consumer.
That is why Pinkie is REALLY so hyper
And Dash is an addict and needs her fix
The Apples also shower in the cider, which is why AJ, BM, and AB's parents are never seen...
SWEET FAUST WHAT HAVE I DONE!?
1633433 maybe a mention about the atrocious mental health care? They had a clearly unstable patient out on a CHAIN.
Or a formal request to Celestia for a restraining order against dashie?
1633372
o.0 No... no they didn't. Considering that everyone seems to get their apples and apple-related products from Sweet Apple Acres, they already own the monopoly on apple/apple-related sales in Ponyville. Point out how they acted like mobsters trying to drive out competition, considering that when competition showed up, forcing its way in AND damaging their property, they were kind enough to let the unprepared competition use their apples for FREE in order to put on a demonstration.
Then said competition plain-out tried to cheat them. Apples would be providing all the stock and labor, Flim and Flam use their horns to turn the machine on, and walk away with more cash than the Apples would have made during normal cider sales, while the Apples get next to nothing compared to what they would have normally gotten.
Note that Flim and Flam try to push this while knowing that the Apples would lose their home, farm/orchard, if they agreed. Then when they intelligently turn the 'offer' down, Flim and Flam DO act like mobsters trying to push the Apples out of business by showing up with their Apple-family apples to turn into cider and sell. They tried to sell someone else's product without permission! You want to talk about illegal? All the meanwhile the Apples were told that the two brothers were going to run them out of town.
So really, defending Flim and Flam, and decrying the Apple Family is about as backwards as the fact there's cult-followings for NMM and Discord who say they're just misunderstood and not actually dangerous. Y'know, the genocidal god-possessing monster in Luna's body, and the chaotic tyrant.
Never thought I'd see the day when Big Mac is the equestrian equivilant of bounty.
say, is there any of the girls who don't want to get in Rainbow's pants?
1633464 All I had to do was see "Marquis de" and laughed because I knew what was coming.
1633342
Reminds me of a comic I found somewhere once.
"Girls, before we begin our talks on changeling defense, we must ensure no changelings are here, so I will ask a question that only the real you would know. Twilight! What is the fifty-first sub-element of harmony?"
"Trust!"
"Fluttershy! How much food can the average bunny eat in a day?"
"Um... about... a basket and a half..."
"Rainbow Dash! Does Applejack prefer top or bottom?"
"Bottom! Wait..."
LOL savvy business pony, indeed.
"Buck you, I can squeeze all these apples!"
If I could I'd bathe in chocolate milk...although it would be undrinkable