Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Additional contributions by MixMassBasher.
Dear Rainbow Dash,
I'm sending a certain grey griffon down to Ponyville because she's very bothersome. I'd suggest using your rainbow pony power thingy on her cheerful little ass.
Your old friend,
Gilda
Dear Gabby,
We get that you think us as stars and all... but it's not our fault that you can't get a cutie mark. Why are you in such a rush to get one anyway?
You act like you are dying of cancer and getting a cutie mark is on your fucking bucket list!!!
-CMC
Dear Gilda,
Take your brethren back to your decrepit country.
-CMC
Dear CMC,
Just get that bird bitch to a tattoo parlor. You know... The place you dumb fillies should have gone to ages ago.
Your disgruntled princess,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. Thanks a lot for getting by Celestia-damn hopes up! Fax Machine I did hours of work getting quills for nothing!!
Dear Gabby,
Thank you. You were sooo helpful today during that song montage. I haven't been that satisfied in such a long time.
In complete bliss,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Mom and Dad,
Nightmare Night was months ago. Why would I want a pirate outfit? I wanna dress up as Guilmon!!!
Your confused daughter,
Petunia Paleo
Dear Nurse Redheart,
We need to get to the ER stat for broken ribs.... hugs are painful...
In pain,
The CMC
Dear CMC,
You may also want to consider hape counseling.
-Nurse Redheart
Dear Gabby,
So you can do nearly everything? You and I are a lot alike.
Sincerely,
Mary Sue
Dear God,
What the hell? So at the very beginning of time, you just decided to give Equines the ultimate cheat code to life by branding it on their flanks?
How is that fair to like, every other species?
Sincerely,
Gabby
Dear Gabby,
You think your dimension has it bad? Oh if you only saw others.
You wouldn't believe some of the advantages white people have.
Think of it like they're alicorns, but they're born that way. They don't have to earn their wings or horn or anything. It's all in the color of their coat skin.
Oh, right. That happened this year, didn't it? I guess Flurry Heart is gonna coast through life like a motherfucker. Equestria is gonna have a fun time coining the phrase "Alicorn Privilege."
-God
Profound apologies to MixMashBasher, my awesome co-author. My procrastination with this story has put his content on a 7-week backlog.
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GAH!!!
7726036 Oh, can't believe I didn't put that together earlier.
Huh?
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who noticed that...
7726470 It is the combination of the words "hug" and "rape". It means to be hugged against your will.
7726565
You'll have to forgive me. I don't do Urban Dictionary.
lol what broke sweetie belle and was that in one of the episodes i've never seen after the fall of tirek?
7726565 Oh! I thought it was High-Altitude Pulmonary Edema...
Has anyone been keeping track of how many times Twilight has successfully had sex in this story?
Missing "of".
Dear Gabby,
You must realize why you were so much better at things than most of the ponies in this town. You have one, well, technically, eight advantages over the ponies. Fingers. Fingers can do detailed work that can only be done better by magic. They can twist and turn to reach nooks and crannies that hooves cannot and they can apply constant pressure that wing feathers cannot. They are like tentacles for someone who has never seen fingers or tentacles before. Ponies love fingers. Well, I say ponies love, but I only know for certain of one pony, of one Princess, who acts tsundere towards fingers. Fingers can scratch. Fingers can pet. Fingers can heavy pet. So put those fingers to proper use and show a perfect pretty purple pet-able pony princess the power of the fingers.
Signed Mistress Princess Twilight Sparkle's loyal slave and favorite fingerer,
Neko Majin C.
7727117 Maybe, but in this case it is hug rape.
~KBO.
Dear Petunia Paleo's Parents,
Yeah...the word you two were looking for was "paleontologist". You called her an archeologist. Archeology refers to the study of ancient civilizations. Paleontology refers to the study of extinct creatures. So, unless your house is sitting on top of a very old and buried castle or temple, your daughter finding the REMAINS OF A RARE EXTINCT CREATURE (In your own backyard, crazily enough) makes her a peleontologist.
First you two worry that she's going to be either a pirate or -let's face it, we all knew you were thinking it- a future serial killer; then you two can't even remember what the proper term for the scientific field of expertise your daughter is destined for.
You two REALLY need to rethink your lives.
Sincerely,
The Cutie Mark Crusaders
P.S: The bill for our services is enclosed in the envelope.
I thought Petunia was cute. Too bad she was severely overshadowed by Gabby.
Dear Gabby,
So you can do nearly everything? You and I are a lot alike.
Sincerely,
Mary Sue
Except the ONE THING she actually WANTS to do, and that's what makes it interesting, and that she can't even SEE THAT.
"Only ponies get cutie marks."
Zebra, "What are we? Chopped liver?"
7728237
Look closely at the parents' cutie marks, they were hoping she'd continue the family business.
7748158
Hehe ^^ explanation accepted
Was the word count on purpose or a happy accident?
Either way it was funny.
7757142 Happy Accident? What so funny about 404?
7759523
Not Found 404 is usually the error code when page not found. But people use it as a general code for all sorts of things that aren't found, like images.
The fact this wasn't done on purpose makes it funnier. Lol
7797730
I'm kinda overwhelmed at the idea I ACTUALLY have made a MARK on the Brony Fandom. Considering I'm pretty much a long staying nobody.
Didn't this show already have a 'Gabby' that everypony hated?
Oh, the irony.